Favorite Gay Jokes

What’s the difference between a bowling ball and pussy?

I could eat a bowling ball if I had to.

How do they separate the men from the boys in the Marine Corps?

With crowbars.

Hmm..this sounds like conservative fishing...

How many lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Three. One to screw it in, and two to write a meaningful folk song about it.

Why are gay men more likely to survive a fire? They already have their shit packed.

Or something. I know it involved shit being packed.

This really confused me as a kid, when I didn't know about anal sex. My alcoholic uncles loved gay jokes.

How many conservatives does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three. One to hold the lightbulb and two to spin the screaming 8 year old boy onto it.

Party Down

What is gross ignorance? 144 Republicants.

How many priests have gotten away with molesting young boys? All of them.

What did one lesbetarian say to the other? Your face or mine.

Half of gay men were born gay, the other half were sucked into it.

Did you hear about the miracle of AIDS? It turns fruits into vegetables.

What tries to take away your healthcare during a pandemic? Republicans.

What’s black and comes in little cans?

Michael Jackson

R5 My alcoholic uncles loved gay sex.

Perhaps R3, but they still can be “funny” (in a bad taste kind of way)

Let it go. They are what they are.

What do you call a bouncer in a gay bar? A flame thrower

How do you get three queens on a bar stool? Turn it upside down.

Party Down was a great show R7, thanks for reminding me of it.

Stellar cast -- Adam Scott, Ken Marino, Jane Lynch, Lizzy Caplan JK Simmons, Joey Lauren Adams, Megan Mullaly, Martin Starr

How many Supreme Court Justices are molesters? The conservative ones.

Bravo, bravisimo!

Did you hear about the gay Pope? He couldn’t decide if he was gorgeous or divine.

How many gay men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Six. One to screw in the bulb and the other five to shreik "FABULOUS!!!!"

How many lesbians does it take in screw in a light bulb?

That's not funny! Why did you think it was funny? Let's discuss why you thought that joke was funny....

A woman was raped in the Castro by two geigh men last night! One held her down, the other did her hair.

How many treasonous Republican refuse to acknowledge Joe Biden's victory? 87%.

What's the definition of a frenzy?

A lesbian in a tuna packing factory.

One day the Pope is addressing a crowd at the Vatican and the Catholic Gay League of Italy is in attendance.

The Pope walks out on the balcony and begins his speech

"Tutti Uomini! Tutti Femini! E.... Tutti Fruiti!"

What do you call a queen in a wheelchair? RollAIDS

They are just highly insulting and highly homophobic. None of them are even remotely close to true.

What do Republicans call shit? President.

What's fat, uneducated and has no future and only a few teeth?

Answer: An internet troll farm minion who is hetero and poses as a gay man on the internet because he thinks gay men will stop being gay because of him.

What's worse than Hitler?

A gay man with no sense of humor about himself.

How many trannies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. The gay men already did it for them.

A man walks into a gay bar and sees a cute guy standing at the bar. He sits next to him and says Can you help me push my stool in?

What does a lesbian bring on a second date? A U-Haul.

What plopped out of Roger Ailes dead asshole? Sean Hannity.

who's the sad party pooper on this thread. Lightrne up !

None of these "jokes" are funny.

What soup do they serve at the gay Chinese restaurant?

Cream of Sum Yung Guy

How many people has Donald Trump directly killed from his maskless rallies? Over 700.

Yeah, always making fun of gay people, but straight people are never made fun of.

What does a gay man bring on the second date? What second date?

What did a gay top say to the bottom who was getting ready for vacation?

Can I help you pack your shit?

How do fuck a fat lesbian?

Roll her in flour and look for the wet spot.

How many gay men started the Stonewall riots?

Zero! They’ve been retconned into being trans women of color!

What will Joe Biden say to Donald Trump on January 20th? Can I help you pack your shit?

R45 - they transitioned in the Great Beyond with help from Rachel Dolezal.

How does a lesbian hold her liquor ?

By the ears!

Name all the First Ladies who were ACTUAL whores. Melania Trump.

How many gay guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Three. Want to call the electrician, and two to mix the cocktails.

One to call the electrician...

R49 You forgot Mrs Onassis

How do you make a gay guy scream during sex?

Wipe your hands on the drapes.

How much money did Fox News shitbag Bill O'Reilly pay out to just ONE of his molestation victims? 10.5 million.

Why were all the gay guys at Sears today?

Boys pants were half off.

Man, what lousy jokes.

Did you hear about the Scottish gay couple?

Robert Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzrobert

Of course it devolves into a bunch of fucked-up, insipid political bullshit.

Just let them post R58.

The jokes suck.

How many pool boys does it take to take down Jerry Falwell. Just one. That we know of.

How do you tell the difference between a bisexual man and a liar?

You don’t! Can’t be done!

Favorite gay joke-

The one a DLer posted a long time ago about three older guys golfing and telling each other how their adult sons were doing.

I wish I could re-tell it but I don't want to try because I'd probably step on it. But man, the punchline had me roaring with laughter.

Anybody remember that one?

Q: What do gay horses eat?

A: 🎶 Hayyyyy 🎶

So Republicans are bisexual? Seems right.

What's the difference between a straight guy and a gay guy?

A six pack

Not a joke per se, but a New Yorker cartoon in which a little boy kneels beside his bed in prayer, "...and God bless Uncle Harry and his roommate, Jack, who we're not supposed to talk about."

How many ex-gays still secretly jack off about men?

All of them!

Found it-

Four men went golfing together one day; three headed to the first tee and one went into the club house to take care of the bill. The three men started talking, bragging about their sons. The first man told the others, “My son is a home builder and he’s so successful that he gave a friend a new home – for free.”

The second man said, “My son was a car salesman and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He’’s so successful that he gave a friend two Cadillacs.”

The third man, not wanting to be outdone bragged, “My son is a stock broker and he’s doing so well that he gave his friend an entire stock portfolio.”

The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business. The first man mentioned, “We were just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?” The fourth man replied, “Well, my son is a gay prostitute. I’m not totally thrilled about it, but he must be damn good. Just In the last year his best clients gave him a house, two cars, and a stock portfolio.”

A lesbian walks into a gay bar. The bartender says "We don't serve fish". The lesbian says "That's OK, I just want a drink."

An Irish gay couple moved in next-door to me: Patrick Fitzwilliam and William Fitzpatrick.

R66, that was a Christopher Street magazine cartoon. The cartoon was by Andrew Tabbat.

How many gay guys can actually tell a funny gay joke?

None, evidently.

How much of our money have Republicans wasted on Trump's useless wall that could have gone to us now for financial relief? 15 BILLION.

Two condoms are walking down the street...

They pass a gay bar and one condom says to the other "hey, do you wanna get shit-faced?"

WHY CAN’T GAYS DRIVE FASTER THAN 68MPH?

Because at 69 they blow a rod.

HEAR ABOUT THE NEW GAY SITCOM?

“Leave it, it’s Beaver.”

How many straight waiters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Both of them.

WHY DON’T GAYS SHOP AT SPORTS AUTHORITY?

Because they prefer Dick’s.

How many gay men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Silly! They screw in hot tubs!

R50 -that's a recycled WASP joke -- one to call the electrician and two to mix the martinis

R44- that's a recycled Fat Chick joke - there used to be a slew of them,

How many of Trump's administration has been charged with crimes? 34.

Why do gay men have such great fashion sense?

Because they have had so much experience in the closet.

LOL -- pretty much every joke in this thread can be found in this article

How many Mitch McConnells got kicked out of the army for buttfuckery? All of him.

I saw two hot young guys walking down the street in matching outfits, so I asked them if they were gay.

They arrested me.

R29, the point of a joke is to be funny, not to be true. There are many routes to that. It is true that often some kind of element of truth can make a joke work, but that's not your point, is it?

But, yes, these ain't funny.

But the "I am speaking out against the conservatives behind this thread" clod is just a bully who doesn't get humor. And a proud politico who mistakes his audience and insults them while being a bully is.... Trumpian.

What'd the old Jewish pedophile say to the little boy?

Hey kid, you wanna buy some candy?

Two gay guys realize their dream of going to Rome and plan on attending Mass at St. Peter's celebrated by the Pope himself. Unfortunately, they went to brunch first and got tipsy -- well, drunk -- and stumbled into the basilica, taking seats on the aisle.

The pope comes down from the altar, swinging the chain that holds the censer, blessing the congregation. The drunk gay guy leans over and says to the Pope, "Mary, I love the dress but your purse is on fire."

R85 - I am kind of glad the humorless identify themselves on these threads because it's easier to ignore them and judging by their posting history I am glad I do. With this pandemic there are few parties left, particularlyin this part of the world with a small gay community. For me, DL is a kind of substitute where I get to talking about celebrities, jokes, sex, architecture and other topics so the guys that would be the bore at the real-life party are nice to weed out.

Three couples, two straight and one gay are killed in a terrible bus crash. They find themselves before St. Peter.

The first straight couple approaches St. Peter. "Can we enter heaven?" St. Peter replies, "You sir are greedy. You've always been greedy. Why, you love money so much, you even married a woman named Penny!" In a puff of smoke, they are sent to Hell.

The second straight couple approaches St. Peter. "Can we enter heaven?" St. Peter replies, "You sir are a glutton. You've always been a glutton. Why, you love food so much, you even married a woman named Candy!" In a puff of smoke, they are sent to Hell.

At this point, one of the gay guys leans over to his partner and says "It's not looking good, Dick."

We might also note, R88, that it is unlikely anyone has held a gun to their head and forced them to read this thread, let alone reply to it.

And R29, the sensitive one who snarks about trans and bi people, also wants to steal men's underwear.

Can't have your dignity both ways. Is it the alcoholism?

My personal and favorite gay "joke" here at the DL comes when I read some terrible, nasty post from a while back and hit "ignore," later discovering it was (I'm avoiding an "oh, dear" here) I.

What is the definition of safe sex in San Francisco?

A padded headboard.

Three Labrador retrievers strike up a conversation at the vet. The black lab says “So why are you here?”

The yellow lab says, “I’m a p-sser. I piss on everything—the sofa, the drapes, the cat, the kids. The final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my owner’s bed.”

The black lab says, “So what do you think the vet will do?”

“Gonna give me Prozac,” said the yellow lab. “All the vets are prescribing it. Supposed to work for everything.”

The black lab then turns to the brown lab and says, “Why are you here?”

“I’m a digger,” said the brown lab. “I dig under fences, dig up flowers, I dig just for the hell of it. The last straw was when I dug a great big hole in my master’s couch.”

The black lab says “So what do you think they’ll do?”

“Looks like it’ll be Prozac for me too,” said the dejected lab.

The brown lab then turns to the black lab and says, “What are you in for?”

The black lab says “I’m a humper. I’ll hump anything. The cat, the pillows, the tables, whatever. The last straw was when my owner got out of the shower and bent over to dry himself. I couldn’t help myself, I hopped on his ass and pumped away.”

The brown and yellow labs exchange sad glances and say, “So Prozac for you, too, huh?”

​​​​​​​“No,” the black lab says, “I’m here to get my nails clipped.”

R29 - of course they aren't true, that is the whole charm of a joke...ffs do you really think people sit on inverted bar stools or gay men approach the Pope drunk and comment on his garments? It's called social satire. Ever heard of the wit and humor of Oscar Wilde? Did you see the outfits Freddie Mercury wore on stage with the red tie, the red bandana out of his back pocket and showing his butt as he bent over? He said there is an element of humor that I hope comes across.

I like jokes about just about anyone as long as it is not mean spirited and these are funny precisely because they aren't true to life mockery.

What job in a candy factory will a gay man always be hired for?

Fudge packer.

Is fudge a candy or dessert?

Jokes actually need an element of truth, then twisted, in order to really land

A guy walks into a bar with an alligator on a leash. Everybody jumps up screaming, but the guy says, 'Don't worry, he's trained. Let me demonstrate. Bartender, pour me a whiskey soda". While the bartender's pouring, the guy takes out his cock, open's the alligator's mouth and sticks it in. He proceeds to slowly sip his drink, and the alligator keeps his mouth open till the drink's all gone. Everybody applauds, and the guy asks, "Anyone else care to try it?" A gay guy next to him replies wistfully, "Jeez, I'd love to, but I don't think I could keep my mouth open for so long..."

Why did Dee Plorable keep donating money to Trump after he lost the election?

Because she’s a moron!

Q. How can you tell if your roommate is gay?

A. His dick tastes like shit!

[quote] How many lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

[bold]THAT’S NOT FUNNY[/bold]

My last boyfriend choked to death. It was a terrible blow...

R87, that's a Tallulah Bankhead quote. Cracks me up, also.

Two gay guys have a child through a surrogate, and are looking at him through the window in the hospital nursery. All the other babies are crying, but theirs is laughing, and happy. The nurse comes out, and as she walks past them, one of the guys says, "Our baby is the only one that isn't crying!" The nurse says, "Yeah, but you should see what happens when we take that pacifier out of his ass."

R71: Yes, you are absolutely right and now I remember that darling little cartoon as being from Christopher Street. I hadn't thought about that magazine in ages despite having been a faithful reader back in the day.

Thanks for the correction and for the memories.

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Have the alter boy shit into her pussy.

How do you get a conservative man pregnant? Hire a pool boy.

Two Republicans walk into a hotel room. They bang whores and then bring home herpes to their trophy wives. Their names are Donald Trump and Sean Hannity. Then they have Michael Cohen pay off the whores.

Boris is a homophobe and he’s on DL all day, every day making gay jokes.

The Shit Brickhouse fiction should be enough for him.

Donald Trump walks into a Jeffery Epstein hotel room. He ties a 13 year old girl to the bed and rapes her. Nobody cares.

R109, yo mama so dumb she thinks a Freudian slip is something you buy at Victoria's Secret!

Republican Jim Jordan begged a former wrestler not to talk about how he was molested by the wrestling team "doctor" when Jordan was the coach at Ohio State. He got away with it.

Republicans lied about, stalled and ignored AIDS and there is still no cure after 40 years. But Bob Dole hawked boner pills in the 90's.

These are so funny.

Q: What's more stressful than having a Jewish mother?

A: TWO Jewish mothers!

How many times has Hope Hicks pissed on Donald Trump to give him that yellow hair color? Hundreds, that's her only qualification.

These are terrible. Many originate from the straights. As I had suspected, we do bitchin' better than humor.

Why did Donald Trump give his daughter Ivanka a nose job on her 14th birthday? Because he didn't want to fuck a Jew.

[quote]Jokes actually need an element of truth, then twisted, in order to really land.

R97, If they can't take a fuck, joke 'em.

Q: What do you call a gay man with a long beard?

A: ZZ Bottom!

What will Donald trump be called after he is no longer President? Defendant.

Although Biden will get control on January 20th, how many US citizens will be dead or dying from Covid 19 because of A SOLID YEAR OF NO FEDERAL RESPONSE from Republicans? 500,000 and counting.

I can't wait to tell these at my maskless Christmas party!

Q: Why didn't Republicans give Herman Cain the preliminary vaccine when he got sick?

A: Because he was black.

Why the over politicalizing of what was to be a fun, pressure relieving thread?

A gay man knows he needs a colonoscopy, but he has heard that sometimes, gay men get erections during the procedure, so he is too embarrassed to get one. Finally, he can wait no longer. Reluctantly, he schedules the procedure at a clinic in San Francisco.

The nurses are all very kind as he is prepped and wheeled into the operating room. The physician gently inserts the colonoscope into his rectum.

"Now," says the doctor, "it's perfectly normal to get an erection at this point in the procedure."

"But doctor," says the relieved man, "I don't have an erection."

"I know." says the doctor. "But I do."

R122 thats 500,000 lucky souls that no longer need to reside in your pathetic universe.

How many gay men does it take to start a war and end up killing millions of innocent people in the process?

None, only men who fuck women can do that.

I love this joke a girl told me - not exactly gay, but gay-adjacent.

A woman goes to give blood and sees a guy there that she knows. She asks him if he also giving blood and he says, "No, I'm giving a sperm sample, it pays better".

A week later she shows up again and the same guy is there. He says, "Oh, you're here to give blood again?" and she shakes her head with her cheeks puffed out and says, "mmm-mmm". [Feel free to demonstrate this when telling it].

[quote]Favorite Gay Jokes

Milo Y.

How do you know when your partner is cheating on you with another man?

He has skidmarks in both the front and the back of his underpants

Is the scat troll the one making all the stupid homophobic “jokes” about feces? Very tired, btw. Circa 1979. Hate to break to ya, but the hets are just as likely to have anal decks.

Anal secks/sex^^^.

A Pilot mistakenly leaves the speaker on and tells the co-pilot, "What I need right now is some coffee and a blowjob".

A gay flight attendant rushes up the aisle to tell them and a passenger hollers, "Don't forget the coffee!".

A Lifeguard sees two gay guys pushing a turd back and forth to each other. When she asks what they're doing one says, "Teaching our child to swim".

R93 for the win.

A gay guy's car get's rear-ended by a trucker. He gets out and says, "You're going to pay for this" and the trucker says, "Agh, shove it up yer ass!". And the fairy says, "No, we will NOT settle out of court".

Why did god create lesbians?

So feminists can't breed.

A Republican walks into a gay site. They kill him.

Conservatives post gay slurs on a gay sight. They have knifes shoved up their asses and their throats are slit.

Donald Trump fucks is daughter. Republicans rejoice.

Hospitals are overrun with corpses of US citizens. Republican politicians get advance vaccines.

Q: Who authorized stealth forced sterilization on unsuspecting female detainees held indefinitely at the boarder?

A: Religious Republican Conservatives.

Womp womp

These are hilarious! Do go on!

I'm laughing from Hell!

Q: Which Republican, who mocked Covid 19 and then got it himself, fucks his own adopted son?

A: Matt Gaetz

Hardy Har Har

What does GAY stand for?

Got AIDS Yet?

Theese. Theese so funee. I take back to Slovenia in my poosee.

Q: What does REPUBLICAN stand for?

A: Racism Evil Plague Un-American Backhanded Liars Immoral Cons Assholes Narcissistic

Eldergay reporting in: Anyone else remember when a favorite joke thread was funny? I thought this was a thread to escape the craziness of politics and pandemics.

Where do you think you are?

I thought I was in a thread for jokes...

But GOT AIDS YET is so hilarious! I'm DYI NG.

Merry Christmas, Everyone

I love a good AIDS joke!

R125 - because some don't deserve the honor of being called "gay".

Ricky Martin and Elton John are releasing a new song inspired by "The Wizard of Oz". It's called, "Swallow The Yellow Thick Load".

The day Michael Jackson died I was employed as a security guard at Neverland Ranch. I’ll never forget the dozens of boys that gathered at the main entrance gates after hearing the news of his death. Luckily, I had the keys to let them out.

What's the difference between pink and purple?

The grip.

What's the difference between a blowjob and anal sex?

A blowjob makes your day, but anal sex makes your whole week.

"Harvey Weinstein did what no man will ever do again... felt Angelina's tits"

Two guys are at a bar. One of them looks to the other and says, "I had the best time last night. I had sex with twins!" The other asks, "How could you tell them apart?" "Well, Jessica had long, beautiful, blonde hair, and Alex had a goatee."

Who's your favorite X-Man?

Caitlyn Jenner.

"What was George Michael's last hit?"

Crystal Meth

Thanks OP and most here. I laughed my ass off.

My house got robbed by gay burglars. How did you know they were gay?

Before they left, they rearranged the furniture.

What do you call a gay marine?

Maureen

2 queens walking down the street see a dog licking himself. The one queen say, "Gee, I wish I could do that". And the other queen says, "You better pet him a little, first.'"

Anal sex is like broccoli.

If you’re forced to have it as a child, you probably won’t like it as an adult.

My girlfriend asked me if we could have anal sex and I said, "What’s that?" She said I fuck her ass. I said oh my uncle calls that, "shhhhh."

Son: Why is my sister called Teresa?

Dad: Coz your mum loves Easter - it's an anagram.

Son: Thanks dad

Dad: No problem Alan

Did you know that without friendly bacteria in our intestines, we would die? In fact, clinical studies show the importance of a healthy digestive flora. The leading cause of common ailments, is the absence of certain strains of bacteria. We have all heard of dairy based probiotics, but did you realize that vegetable based strains, are even more effective? The reason? Humans are more likely to have co-evolved around them, after all, we would have consumed vegetables a long time before drinking fermented milk. Unfortunately a vast quantity of these microbes are destroyed by heat, (cooking) and hydrochloric acid in our stomachs. With these facts in mind, I inserted an extra large cucumber deep within my rectum.

They didn’t believe my story in the ER, either.

My boyfriend is so ugly, when he gives me a blowjob it counts as anal.

Two gay teens are playing hide and seek in the garden.

John says "If you can find me, I will suck your cock and you fuck my ass. And if you can't find me, I'll be in the shed."

A man is drinking in a bar when a beautiful woman sits next to him and says, "Buy me a drink handsome?" After a few drinks she takes him home. They have a few more drinks, then she leads him to the bedroom and they start to make love .

Suddenly the bedroom door bursts open, and a naked, well hung black man walks in and slides his cock up the mans ass.

A few weeks later the man goes back in the bar the same woman sits next to him and says, "Buy me a drink, handsome?"

He turns and says, "I know your game. I buy you a few drinks, then its back to your place, for a few more drinks, then into the bedroom. And right in the middle of sex a big black man comes in and shoves his dick up my ass!"

She says, "No, Leroy is away out of town."

He replies, " In that case, I'm not coming."

I blocked one person and got rid of forty-five – 45 – crazy political crap posts.

[quote]Ricky Martin and Elton John are releasing a new song inspired by "The Wizard of Oz". It's called, "Swallow The Yellow Thick Load".

It's a follow-up to Elton's duet with George Michael, "Please Let Your Son Go Down On Me."

When George Michael moved out of his family home... did he use the back door?

Q: Why are most serial killers straight white men?

A: Because they are privileged and narcissistic.

Q: Why did proud Christian Chris Pratt leave his wife and son?

A: So he could fuck younger women.

Q: How many US citizens died of Covid 19 just TODAY because Republicans didn't want to make Donald Trump look bad by admitting there was a pandemic sweeping the country for an entire year?

A:3054. In one day.

Q: Why do so many conservatives flock to Datalounge and post AIDS jokes to gay men?

A: Because they're trolls.

Q: Why do so many conservative straight men end up "experimenting" with gay sex when they go away to school, are in the military, or are in prison?

A:Because they have always been whores for their God Daddy.

Q: How many children has the Catholic Church fucked over the decades?

A: No one knows as they hid it for decades so they could continue to do it.

Q: How many Dataloungers has the Catholic Church fucked over the decades?

A: Many of them. Except they were told to blame "the Jews" by Father Murphy as he was fucking their fat 8 year old ass.

A Priest, Donald Trump, and Jeffery Epstein organize underprivileged children to fuck. They fuck the kids and get away with it. Then they start QAnon to spread rumors on liberals about what they themselves do to children. Millions believe it.

They nicknamed Cheyenne Jackson's ass 'The Great White Way' because he always wanted to get "Aladdin".

R175 I did the same thing! He must be a faggot or something.

The nickname for Donald Trump is "MASS MURDERER" because he is.

Q: What's going to happen to all the criminals in the Trump organization who go to prison in 2021?

A: They're going to be raped and killed.

Q: Why are there so many faggots on Datalounge?

A: Because they are conservatives who won't admit they're gay.

R184 show us on this doll where the bad man touched you.

R175 - I blocked them too. I wonder if trolls ever block and look at the poster's history to see if they are really just even trolling the right person. My posting history would easily reveal that I am neither a straight man or a Republican.

I was friends with a couple and the younger guy was a professional dancer who was charming but his older husband...OMG...EVERY party or conversation was him stopping each subject and interrupting everyone to talk about politics and change the subject. Such a one-track mind that I wonder whether he was on the spectrum or on some uppers but, eventually, we stopped inviting them because he ruined every get together. He made good money but was older and bald and had that grandmother smell...I always wondered how that nice twink could stand him.

The first two gay jokes I ever heard, told to me by a gay man born in 1916:

1. A priest had surgery for hemorrhoids, and when a bastard baby's mother died the nurses thought it would be a good idea to leave it with with the priest, who seemed like a nice person. So the priest raised the boy as his own child.

Years later, when the boy turned 18, the priest told him he had something very important to tell him. The young man leapt up and said, excitedly, "You're my real father?" The priest shook his head and said, "No. I am your mother. The bishop is your father."

2. Two gay guys were walking down the street and Sophia Loren walked by. One said to the other, "You know, sometimes I wish I was a lesbian."

I heard Statue of Liberty has HIV. But they don't know if she got it from the mouth of the Hudson or the Staten Island ferry

Q: How many Republicans can you kill with an AR-15?

A: As many as possible.

Q: How many treasonous House Republicans are guilty of sedition and are actively destroying our democracy?

A:106

Q: What's the best way to silence lying Republicans who lie every goddamned fucking day?

A: Look up where they live. Knock on the door or just break a window. Get inside and smash their head with a baseball bat. When they fall to the ground immediately use your entire body weight to stomp on their chest, breaking their ribs and collapsing their lungs. Sit on their chest. When they gasp for breath reach into their open mouth and grab ahold of their tongue. Place each foot on either side of their head and use the leverage to rip the tongue out. They won't be able to scream as you show it to them. Then shove the bloody tongue back into their mouth and watch them choke and their own words.

These jokes are so funny! I can't wait to use them at the next conservative Christmas Party!

Me too! I'm so glad I blocked that unfunny homophobic asshole posting dead fag jokes!

I will not put up with these Republican "jokes" any more. How can you faggots be so immoral? How can you be cocksuckers? You are so gross and I hate you. We are just trying to overthrow democracy in the United States and steal the election like a third world country with a coup. Put black people in cages and kill them on our streets. Rape women and children. That's our way. God will get you for you evil unnatural "love".

Yeah, I'm calling Murielania and she will stop this. And old frau will stop this! Fraus rule!

Muriel is busy getting her cooch bleached.

Two niggers walk into a fag bar...

A new class of young men had one last challenge to face before being ordained into the priesthood. They were each handed a small bell and instructed to tie it to their penis. With bells tied and robes straightened, they were then escorted into a great hall where they faced an assembly of bishops. The group was reminded of their obligations and the importance of the vows they were taking and, to test their resolve, the assembly summoned a beautiful woman into the hall. She began to dance before the candidates and one by one a bell could be heard tinkling as her moves became increasingly more seductive. With the tinkle, tinkle, tinkle of each bell, the offender would be dismissed by the bishops and urged to take a cold shower and think about their commitment to the priesthood. Before long, all but one had been sent to the showers in this manner. The bishops praised this last young man for his ability to maintain his composure and not succumb so easily to temptations of the flesh. He was told to relax and prepare for his ordination, and that he was now free to leave and join the others in the showers. Tinkle, tinkle, tinkle.

Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I blew forty bucks in there.”

Go to every Republican household, break down the fucking door and stab them in the face repeatedly as they scream. 3000 fucking people are dying EVERY GODDAMNED DAY as these FUCKS file endless pointless lawsuits trying to destroy the voice of the voters. Every single Republican needs to be killed. Look up their addresses and kill them all. Burn their houses down in the middle of the night. When they try to run outside have waiting buckets of gasoline to throw on them. Burn them alive. Disembowel their children. Rip out their intestines and feed them to the family dog. Plant bombs in their cars. Buy guns online and plenty of ammo. Shoot them at church. Shoot them at school. Kill the right wing republican scourge. We killed Nazis in WW2. Kill them all now.

r175, you're gonna get a visit from the Secret Service.

COME AND GET ME FUCKERS

KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILLKILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL

Q: What’s the least funny gay joke ever?

A: Danny Pintauro!

#206 + #209 = Joy Behar, drinking again

VW Golf is one of the world's most popular and well-made cars and yet it barely ever gets mentioned. They're kind of invisible.

Whoops. Wrong thread. But then, this thread had already disintegrated....

Why don't you just write some more of your homophobic Shit Brickhouse fiction, OP?

You're lazier than usual today, troll.

The hate troll here, pretending to be gay and to protect gay people from their own laughing at stupid "jokes," deserves the life she has fucked herself with.

You can smell the failure of rage as she tries to deflect it from her own responsibility.

Bump

Christ you are all such retarded fuckheads.

R215 - what are you talking about? OP or the politico idiots who can't have some fun?

R192 you answered your own question, the nice twink was with him because he made good money...

R219 - it gets worse. The older guy now figures since he works from home he has become "macho" and is sporting a goatee that is white (he's bald) and scraggly and shooting rifles in the desert while saying "hit that mark" all hussy and in vocal fry. I imagine in his poncho he smells mustier than ever. He had a Thanksgiving get together with some friends who are super young and have man buns along with the "love of his life" despite the fact that his hobby is to catch those maskless or half masked and say "let me guess...you are a Trump voter" in WeHo (!)...according to one of his bunned twinks he spent ALL night discussing Mary Trump's book which the twink was of course assigned and read dutifully. One wanted to spend the night drinking beer and smoking weed and this dud was talking about every chapter. Also, he makes said twink wake up at 4 with him and do a morning calisthenics routine.

He's so gay, if you spin him around a few times he'll turn into Wonder Woman!

These are funny, and written by actual gay comedians...

Me: "Do you have any Italian in you?"

Him: "No"

Me: "Would you like some?"

(swap out any ethnicity/race here, obviously)

Q: Why are so many straight men pedophiles?

A: Because after their wives shit out their offspring, their pussies are so stretched out it's like fucking a dead cow. Straight men then turn to their daughters to get a tight fit.

Q: How many girls experience molestation?

A: One in five are molested. But since molestations often go unreported, the actual number is closer to one in three.

Did you hear about:

Two gay judges? They tried each other.

The gay electrician? He blew a fuse.

What do you get when you cross a rooster with peanut butter?

A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth.