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You know you’re an Eldergay

When your doctor prescribes compression socks for your varicose veins.

by Anonymousreply 136December 26, 2020 4:39 PM

The patient thought the doctor said she had "very close veins."

by Anonymousreply 1November 21, 2020 2:56 PM

You are telling the truth. My neighbor has recently started wearing these. He's also started wearing clothes from mail clothing catalogs like BLAIR. He's given up on wearing clothes with buttons or collars.

by Anonymousreply 2November 21, 2020 2:57 PM

When give your phone number as TRafalgar 4-9970.

by Anonymousreply 3November 21, 2020 2:58 PM

That’s just being an elder.

An eldergay is when search eBay to see if you can find a pair previously owned by Carol Channing to wear.

by Anonymousreply 4November 21, 2020 2:59 PM

you REALLY do want kids off your lawn!

by Anonymousreply 5November 21, 2020 2:59 PM

When porn is usually repulsive.

by Anonymousreply 6November 21, 2020 3:00 PM

R2 If Blair doesn't have what's needed, buy from co-owned Haband.

by Anonymousreply 7November 21, 2020 3:04 PM

"You know you’re an Eldergay..."

When The DataLounge is your homepage.

by Anonymousreply 8November 21, 2020 3:12 PM

I may be eldergay.., yet people think I’m in my thirties!

by Anonymousreply 9November 21, 2020 3:13 PM

When you celebrate your 27th birthday.

by Anonymousreply 10November 21, 2020 3:13 PM

You used to take the trolley with Barbara Stanwyck.

by Anonymousreply 11November 21, 2020 3:14 PM

When you see a commercial for the shingles vaccine and turn to your partner and say "we should get that soon."

by Anonymousreply 12November 21, 2020 3:14 PM

When you go to...um, the...when you do...um.

Wait. What was the question?

by Anonymousreply 13November 21, 2020 3:26 PM

When you see a guy in his 50s and you think "Ugg - Twinks."

by Anonymousreply 14November 21, 2020 3:27 PM

When you have earrings, caftans older than most millennials.

by Anonymousreply 15November 21, 2020 3:27 PM

....when you list the fact that you wear dentures on your Grindr profile as an attribute!

by Anonymousreply 16November 21, 2020 3:27 PM

When the FiberCon tablets are right next to the Viagra in the medicine cabinet.

by Anonymousreply 17November 21, 2020 3:32 PM

When you see a handsome young man and think, “his father must be gorgeous.”

by Anonymousreply 18November 21, 2020 3:35 PM

You read the paper.

by Anonymousreply 19November 21, 2020 3:39 PM

You still listen to and post about Madonna and Janet. And you believe Janet will be thin again or have a hit again.

by Anonymousreply 20November 21, 2020 3:43 PM

When you have to Google the cultural references used on DL.

by Anonymousreply 21November 21, 2020 4:05 PM

When you don’t know what google is.

by Anonymousreply 22November 21, 2020 4:18 PM

R22, I still use Alta Vista.

by Anonymousreply 23November 21, 2020 4:19 PM

When you use words like 'trick' and 'lover'

by Anonymousreply 24November 21, 2020 4:21 PM

And chicken when referring to twinks.

by Anonymousreply 25November 21, 2020 4:24 PM

When you use twink when referring to chicken.

by Anonymousreply 26November 21, 2020 4:25 PM

When you own one of these:

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 27November 21, 2020 4:26 PM

When you chuck your knee pads for knee replacements.

by Anonymousreply 28November 21, 2020 4:35 PM

When, struggling to read the channel listings on the flat screen TV you barely know how to use, you shed a single tear for the absence of a tangible TV Guide.

by Anonymousreply 29November 21, 2020 4:41 PM

....of course it Depends, but when you cruise online looking for someone who's into diaper play.

by Anonymousreply 30November 21, 2020 4:41 PM

R26 Chicken is Tuna of the Sea!

by Anonymousreply 31November 21, 2020 4:43 PM

[quote] When, struggling to read the channel listings on the flat screen TV you barely know how to use, you shed a single tear for the absence of a tangible TV Guide

Use zap2it.com You put in your cable company and it has the listings. It even lets you arrange the channels (favorites first)

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 32November 21, 2020 4:46 PM

Adding to r29’s thought:

You don’t ever leave the house without ensuring you have your reading spectacles with you.

*sigh*

by Anonymousreply 33November 21, 2020 5:01 PM

R26, Caught myself referring to someone's "lover," then changed to partner. Still think when a guy says "he's my husband," that means the guy is the bottom.

by Anonymousreply 34November 21, 2020 5:22 PM

R27, fill mine every Sunday while waiting for the Loretta Young Show to come on.

by Anonymousreply 35November 21, 2020 5:24 PM

Is she the coal miners daughter, r35?

by Anonymousreply 36November 21, 2020 5:28 PM

You plan an excursion into the city, making mental notes of where the decent, clean public bathrooms are located.

by Anonymousreply 37November 21, 2020 5:29 PM

Well, to be fair, I do that too, but for other reasons.

by Anonymousreply 38November 21, 2020 5:32 PM

You see a hot college student on the street and realize he could be your grandson.

by Anonymousreply 39November 21, 2020 9:36 PM

This thread is hilarious. Thank you those eldergays who contribute the droll humor to help me get past these difficult times.

by Anonymousreply 40November 21, 2020 9:45 PM

How do I download Google? How much is it per month?

by Anonymousreply 41November 21, 2020 11:42 PM

My computer says "You've Got Mail." When I go outside and look in the mail box, there's never anything there.

by Anonymousreply 42November 22, 2020 12:07 PM

Toilet seats in restaurants are too low. If you're lucky, there's a door knob to grab on.

by Anonymousreply 43November 22, 2020 2:03 PM

The hairs in my ears and my eyebrows are out of control and need constant tending. I'm uncomfortable describing what's going on in my nether region.

by Anonymousreply 44November 22, 2020 2:30 PM

When you stand in front of a full length mirror and realize your once thick,lush bush is now sparse and the remaining hairs are grey .

by Anonymousreply 45November 22, 2020 3:39 PM

R11- ANYONE who is old enough to remember Trolleys in NYC is DEFINITELY an eldergay.

by Anonymousreply 46November 22, 2020 3:47 PM

You still record tv shows on videotape using your vcr.

by Anonymousreply 47November 22, 2020 3:49 PM

The last trolleys in NYC were in Brooklyn. The Church Avenue and McDonald Avenue lines ended in 1956.

by Anonymousreply 48November 22, 2020 3:56 PM

....when you go to the club ready to party, but leave in a pissed off huff because the DJ repeatedly tells you he's never heard of Lawrence Welk!

by Anonymousreply 49November 22, 2020 4:13 PM

You find unused subway tokens in your underwear drawer and you try to swap them for a Metrocard.

by Anonymousreply 50November 22, 2020 4:25 PM

When you have more hair in your ears than on your head.

by Anonymousreply 51November 22, 2020 4:32 PM

R12 When you actually got your shingles vaccine a few days ago and your arm still hurts.

by Anonymousreply 52November 22, 2020 4:58 PM

And is black and blue for the next three weeks.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 53November 22, 2020 5:02 PM

[quote] You still record tv shows on videotape using your vcr.

What’s this VCR thingy?

Is it better than reel-to-reel?

SPEAK UP.

by Anonymousreply 54November 22, 2020 9:43 PM

R7, this is R2. You're correct.

When, Mr. D., the eldergay upstairs from us, was in the hospital for two weeks, we brought in his mail. He received a HABAND catalog (No ironing!) and a BLAIR catalog (No buttons!) and READERS DIGEST.

by Anonymousreply 55November 22, 2020 11:48 PM

R55 I get those catalogues plus Carol Wright and REMINISCE. I do not consider myself an ElderGay. I am an AncientGay. We need a new category for those of us over 85 (but I look 72)!

by Anonymousreply 56November 23, 2020 12:29 AM

You ask you husband to pick up vitamins and he comes home with GERITOL. He's not from US so he's unaware of the significance. I actually had a full on, clutch my pearls with one hand and the counter with another, moment.

by Anonymousreply 57November 23, 2020 12:38 AM

When you watch old sitcom reruns from your childhood and just now notice how the father character is hot AF.

by Anonymousreply 58November 23, 2020 12:47 AM

R58 you mean the father on The Donna Reed Show?

by Anonymousreply 59November 23, 2020 1:23 AM

R57 or Serutan, Nature's spelled backwards.

by Anonymousreply 60November 23, 2020 1:24 AM

In 1955 knew I was gay when I got a boner looking at Hugh O'Brian's hairy chest on "Wyatt Earp."

by Anonymousreply 61November 23, 2020 1:39 AM

[quote]You don’t ever leave the house without ensuring you have your reading spectacles with you.

Unless you're at CVS or a grocery store....then you can just borrow a pair from the display and use them while you shop. In a pinch.

Also, when your hot 28-year-old doctor starts to lecture you about "men your age." Ouch.

by Anonymousreply 62November 23, 2020 1:42 AM

...when you have to keep a three-day journal of "liquid in, liquid out" (date, time, and volume) to help your urologist figure out the best way to manage your frequent urination.

by Anonymousreply 63November 23, 2020 1:45 AM

When the optometrist said "bifocals".

by Anonymousreply 64November 23, 2020 1:49 AM

When you're ECSTATIC that they're showing full performances from The Ed Sullivan Show on YouTube.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 65November 23, 2020 2:06 AM

You know what Top Gun is. Seriously I asked a couple young coworkers and they stared at me with blank stares.

by Anonymousreply 66November 23, 2020 2:08 AM

....when your favorite First Lady is Frances Cleveland.

We love you, Frances Cleveland troll!

by Anonymousreply 67November 23, 2020 2:23 AM

When the cable guy looks at my framed picture of me, on my hottest day in life, between 2 Oscar winners and says, "OMG was that YOU?" Ouch. Followed by " Are those your parents?" Yes, yes they are! No, no you can't have a glass of water. Please leave now, I have a terrible headache and need to lie down.

by Anonymousreply 68November 23, 2020 2:32 AM

When your doctor refers you to a cardiologist and you protest that cardiologists are for old people and your doctor smiles and points out that you are 64 years old, you are an eldergay.

by Anonymousreply 69November 23, 2020 2:32 AM

When you realize you have your "stories"

by Anonymousreply 70November 23, 2020 3:21 AM

When you can remember your favorite TV show going from B&W to color.

by Anonymousreply 71November 23, 2020 3:22 AM

R71 Gilligan’s Island

by Anonymousreply 72November 23, 2020 3:50 AM

When you celebrate your 18th birthday.

by Anonymousreply 73November 23, 2020 4:05 AM

When you turn into this:

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 74November 23, 2020 11:07 AM

When the "Tasteful Friends......" real estate thread you're waiting for includes this pic

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 75November 23, 2020 11:11 AM

Your spouse brings home a box of adult diapers, and puts them where you will see them.

by Anonymousreply 76November 25, 2020 1:28 AM

R60 LOL!

by Anonymousreply 77November 25, 2020 1:32 AM

When the thing you look forward to the most is a nap.

by Anonymousreply 78November 25, 2020 1:38 AM

I look forward to the dreams in my naps, R78, you stud.

by Anonymousreply 79November 25, 2020 1:47 AM

You have a Victrola.

by Anonymousreply 80November 25, 2020 2:03 AM

Music icons from your teenage years are dead.

by Anonymousreply 81November 25, 2020 2:35 AM

You know you're an eldergay when you know the names Jan Miner, Jesse White, Jane Withers and Virginia Christine AND you instantly know what they had in common.

No Googling, Ladies.

by Anonymousreply 82November 25, 2020 3:01 AM

R 82 I didn't Google, what did they have in common?

by Anonymousreply 83November 25, 2020 10:00 AM

I know who Jan Miner and Josephine—I mean Jane—Withers are, r82. The other two...??

by Anonymousreply 84November 25, 2020 10:04 AM

[quote] Jesse White, and Virginia Christine

Well I know these two were governors. One was governor of Minnesota and the other New Jersey, who also recently had COVID.

by Anonymousreply 85November 25, 2020 12:45 PM

Madge the Manicurist, The Maytag Repair Man, Josephine the Lady Plumber, and Mrs. Olson.

Oh, you kids.

by Anonymousreply 86November 25, 2020 12:49 PM

I'm only 44, but in the past few years there have been multiple times when I've fallen and really couldn't get up. Just happened to me again a week ago, I slipped in my bathroom and hit my back against the edge of my tub really hard. I just laid there on the floor for like 10 minutes wincing in pain - it's still sore.

by Anonymousreply 87November 25, 2020 1:07 PM

When you think that "you know you're an X" threads are clever.

by Anonymousreply 88November 25, 2020 1:10 PM

When those kids with their MySpace and PacMan and grunge music get on your nerves.

by Anonymousreply 89November 25, 2020 1:16 PM

This is really weird. You see some guy on tv that looks really old. You think of him as being much older than you. Then you realize that at 45 year old he's TEN years younger than you.

by Anonymousreply 90November 25, 2020 2:07 PM

You still bristle at any mention of the "Great Darren Debacle."

by Anonymousreply 91November 25, 2020 2:09 PM

[quote]When you think that "you know you're an X" threads are clever.

When you realize you have no idea what a "you know you're an X" thread is.

by Anonymousreply 92November 25, 2020 2:10 PM

When you’re more excited about your prescription delivery than your Amazon delivery.

by Anonymousreply 93November 25, 2020 2:21 PM

When you spend your days online browsing health insurance plans instead of exotic vacation destinations.

by Anonymousreply 94November 25, 2020 2:57 PM

[quote] This is really weird. You see some guy on tv that looks really old. You think of him as being much older than you. Then you realize that at 45 year old he's TEN years younger than you.

For Broadway-loving eldergays:

When you realize that Tony in THE MOST HAPPY FELLA, the one about whom Rosabella sings "He's an old man, an old man. I don't want him breathing all over me!' was played by actor 53 years old, ten years younger than you are now.

And for good measure, Ezio Pinza, the 'December' in the May/December romance in SOUTH PACIFIC was only 57.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 95November 25, 2020 3:14 PM

[quote] When the cable guy looks at my framed picture of me, on my hottest day in life, between 2 Oscar winners and says, "OMG was that YOU?" Ouch. Followed by " Are those your parents?"

I worked for a company that, due to the big boss being tired of seeing frauen desks overloaded with dozens of photos of nauseatingly-cute grandchildren, instituted a very strict desk policy, wherein only one company-provided picture frame was allowed. One fun-loving old queen took his 'approved' frame, put a picture of Ethel Merman in it and stuck it on his desk,

One day some little gayling, complete with sweater-over-shoulders and tight slacks accentuating his perky little butt, stopped by to ask the old guy a question, saw the photo of Merman, and cooed 'Oooh, is that your mother?'

The old queen extended his arm, pointed his bony finger at the door and screamed "Out! Out! Turn in your gay card and Get Out NOW!'

by Anonymousreply 96November 25, 2020 3:31 PM

When a Gayling asks, "Was Kaposi sarcoma a band?"

by Anonymousreply 97December 25, 2020 5:48 PM

When you talk about hip pain to a cute 20 year old guy interested in you.

by Anonymousreply 98December 25, 2020 5:54 PM

When you snap at your husband for getting Audrey and Jayne Meadows mixed up. And later pass out after just one Tom Collins.

by Anonymousreply 99December 25, 2020 5:56 PM

When you order a Tom Collins.

by Anonymousreply 100December 25, 2020 6:06 PM

When you turn on closed captions everytime you watch something on TV.

by Anonymousreply 101December 25, 2020 6:06 PM

When you saw the original cast of CHICAGO. And I don't mean Ann Reinking and Bebe Neuwirth.

by Anonymousreply 102December 25, 2020 6:11 PM

When you don't go anywhere not knowing where an available restroom will be.

by Anonymousreply 103December 25, 2020 6:19 PM

when you become confused, uncertain and don't know how to act when:

you're at someone's home and there are both heterosexual and gay people in attendance .

by Anonymousreply 104December 25, 2020 7:25 PM

When you’d rather suck a Werther’s Original than a cock.

by Anonymousreply 105December 25, 2020 7:40 PM

You're officially old when someone says, "You look good for your age."

by Anonymousreply 106December 25, 2020 7:43 PM

[quote] I worked for a company that, due to the big boss being tired of seeing frauen desks overloaded with dozens of photos of nauseatingly-cute grandchildren, instituted a very strict desk policy, wherein only one company-provided picture frame was allowed.

R96, was the big boss a gay man?

by Anonymousreply 107December 25, 2020 7:48 PM

If so, I want to know why he was referred to as the “big boss.”

by Anonymousreply 108December 25, 2020 7:57 PM

When you're down to wanking only 4 times a week.

by Anonymousreply 109December 25, 2020 7:57 PM

I was in PacSun (a store I used to work for as a kid - though not this one) and the kid working there said "I hope you don't get insulted or something but you dress really great for a guy your age."

by Anonymousreply 110December 25, 2020 8:20 PM

When cashiers offer you the senior discount and you appreciate it instead of being insulted..

by Anonymousreply 111December 25, 2020 9:17 PM

R68, I know that this was addressed in another thread, but you tip your cable guy???

by Anonymousreply 112December 25, 2020 10:41 PM

Only if he swallows.

by Anonymousreply 113December 25, 2020 10:55 PM

R110, I’m so pleased those blouses I picked out for you are getting noticed!!

by Anonymousreply 114December 25, 2020 11:07 PM

When you stop buying cute new sweaters for yourself each fall and acknowledge that those you have will last you for the rest of your life (if you can just keep the weight down).

by Anonymousreply 115December 26, 2020 12:57 AM

When your signature fragrance is Gold Bond Medicated Powder.

by Anonymousreply 116December 26, 2020 1:25 AM

When the young woman at the fast food place where you're ordering breakfast asks if you'd like a free senior coffee, and you say I don't think I'm old enough (because you're 48), and she says you look like you're old enough.

by Anonymousreply 117December 26, 2020 1:28 AM

....when you get down on the floor to pick something up from under the table, bed, etc or get a book from the lowest shelf and then look around frantically to see what you can lean on to help you get up. And it hurts.

by Anonymousreply 118December 26, 2020 2:30 AM

When you listen to your Taylor Dayne cd on a CD player. And know all the words.

by Anonymousreply 119December 26, 2020 2:43 AM

When you listen to your Mildred Bailey 78s on your phonograph, but you no longer remember the words.

by Anonymousreply 120December 26, 2020 2:45 AM

When you have to hold onto something to wriggle out of your skinny jeans.

When you lose your breath tying your shoelaces.

When it's an effort to put on your socks.

by Anonymousreply 121December 26, 2020 2:47 AM

R121, I’m picturing all 3 scenarios and laughing.

by Anonymousreply 122December 26, 2020 3:35 AM

Who were the “two Oscar winners”?

by Anonymousreply 123December 26, 2020 9:20 AM

[quote]Music icons from your teenage years are dead.

To be fair, us GenXers have been dealing with this since the mid 1990s, though they have been picking up the pace in recent years.

by Anonymousreply 124December 26, 2020 10:50 AM

Glenn Miller was only 40 when he died. Helen Morgan was 41. Patsy Cline was 31.

It's not a new phenomenon.

by Anonymousreply 125December 26, 2020 1:29 PM

Lower back pain. Should I resume yoga?

by Anonymousreply 126December 26, 2020 1:59 PM

You know you're an Eldergay when you pay attention to Joe Namath pitching Medicare Advantage plans and not because he got soooooo old.

by Anonymousreply 127December 26, 2020 2:02 PM

If you regularly google celebrities, who technically haven’t been celebrities for the past thirty years.

by Anonymousreply 128December 26, 2020 2:30 PM

When your afternoon nap is the best sleep you get all day.

by Anonymousreply 129December 26, 2020 2:48 PM

If you have to choose between good sex and a good dump, you choose the latter.

by Anonymousreply 130December 26, 2020 2:56 PM

R130, and the reason you make that choice is that you can't possibly have good sex while you are so plugged up.

by Anonymousreply 131December 26, 2020 3:05 PM

r96 how long ago did the Ethel Merman story happen? If it happened within the last 20 or so years, I can't blame someone for not knowing who she was.

by Anonymousreply 132December 26, 2020 3:50 PM

You can remember when Madonna first became famous, and what a SCANDAL she was!

by Anonymousreply 133December 26, 2020 3:53 PM

R127 And you start wondering about those “home delivered meals”…

by Anonymousreply 134December 26, 2020 4:10 PM

When you've convinced yourself you still look half your actual age.

by Anonymousreply 135December 26, 2020 4:27 PM

[quote]When you listen to your Mildred Bailey 78s on your phonograph, but you no longer remember the words.

When you use the word phonograph.

by Anonymousreply 136December 26, 2020 4:39 PM
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