Why are gay men so spiteful and mean?

Why are gay men this? Why are gay men that?

Why ask why?

OP, you know how bitchy fags can be.

How many threads on this exact topic are you going to start, OP?

DL is not exactly a good example.

Celebrities come out of the closet and they are celebrated, but not on DL, they are trashed here while closet cases are loved and bearding is something a young actor has to do

Survival.

Essential reading...

Be kind, gays, this is OPs first day on Data Lounge. And his first week being gay.

Because gays are like so many women. Jealous of their rivals.

Go sit on a fire hydrant, OP!!!

R8

Really?

I've always found gay men to be exceptionally nurturing and kind. And creative.

As for women jealous of their rivals, I feel males are far more jealous and insecure.

I became spiteful and mean when my st8 married guy told me to "get lost." We were from different social circles, where I would be attending cultural functions, he wondered where if there was enough beer in the fridge.

It's a certain type of gay man OP and really quite a small subset of all gay men.

Effeminate and angry at the world, you'll find they were picked on mercilessly as children by peers and often by parents.

They surround themselves with other similar gay men and as adults they act just like the teenage girls who were mean to them

They are easily avoided.

Because it's FUN, OP.

Got any more questions, hon?

R11

You were going through your "rough trade" phase, eh?

Because so many of them are neurotic, very emotionally damaged people.

I find that if you have your own hobbies and goals outside a big group of gay friends, you'll get along just fine you have and you won't have to deal with that bitchiness. I used to have a big group of gay friends at the clubs, and I realized after a couple of years how many homeless that was and how phone is their lives were and how much they resented me for having interests outside of them. you feel free when you break from those who are trying to keep you down. But not all gay men are like that. There are probably more who are decent and kind and caring then there are bitter and destructive. You just have to know where to look.

These gay men are invariably effeminate too. They want to be women.

Hopeless/ phony, key words misspelled thanks to my happy finger before proofreading.

Why are 90% of all murders committed by heterosexual men?

Why are they so mean?

Why are straight women so spiteful and mean?

R8 men are more jealous than women. It's why so many straight men beat, stalk, abuse, and murder their spouses and girlfriends

OP, it's a defense/coping mechanism, gay men were often bullied as children, this was their way of fighting back, "I'm going to slam you before you can slam me".

Now, go pound sand up your ass.

Why is r17 so spiteful and mean?

The art of bitchery can be amusing when it's clever, especially if the person using it is self deprecating. But it gets old very fast when someone is using it to go after the jugular. I've had situations where it starts off as fun, but someone gets a little too into the game and becomes truly evil in their effort to bring someone down. I've started basically walking away from people when they start to get a little too carry, giving them and eye roll or a side eye before leaving just to let them know I'm on to their game. I learned from my past mistakes of getting a bit too catty at times that it doesn't solve anything other than to make you more enemies.

Truth?

Because many of them, the effeminate-since-birth ones in particular, have been so shat upon they believe they don't deserve love or affection or happiness of any kind.

And thus convinced, they are determined to ensure that no one else has any either.

Why are gay men so interested in having sex with other men, as opposed to having sex with women?

Why are we having so many threads lately asking why gay men are so awful?

How about you find a different website, cunt OP?

R24 thinks The Boys In The Band was a biopic about her.

Because homosexuality is a mental illness, and gay men are severely damaged.

None of my husshbands were shpiteful!

None of my husbands were gay. I think Mama might have met a gay man once, though.

You guys see multiple threads on this exact topic, worded exactly the same way, and you know it's just another homophobic thread from a troll, and yet you guys still respond. Why? Can you just not fucking help yourselves?

OP you’re a dumb filthy cunt. Why don’t you go to some other website? Nobody ever wanted you here.

Wow, R33, angry much? Kisses.

Oh good, we were overdue for another thread on this. It's been what, 36 hours? 48?

Gay men are extremely immature, especially compared to Lesbians.

The biggest cunts are the little sass queens who like to use contour and vegetate by subjecting themselves to garbage like The Real Housewives and kUWTK.

Why are straight men so entitled and abusive?

Why are straight women so entitled and condescending?

Why are bisexual men so manipulative and selfish?

Why are bisexual women so condescending and self serving?

The truth hurts. Just look at some of these replies. OP, I don't have any answers for you, but I've often wondered the same. Mad respect for broaching the subject, but not saying " many" or simply "most" gay men isn't completely fair... Naturally, the many objections are to be expected. Considering how many on DL revere the pointless bitchery, and the callous style that prevails here, it's quite daft to deny this reality however.

We do have some good eggs, and even a few Grade 'A'.

People who are treated like shit tend to be mean, OP. Why do you think there is so much looting going on?

Where's the "mad respect" whenever any other group is criticized?

"I didn’t like catty girls in high school. "

Too much alike?

OP: “How dare gay men not coddle straight women the way they’re used it!”

Years ago attending gay bars with my very handsome bf, it was like I didn't exist..guys would approach him and attempt to exchange phone numbers, attempt making out, while poor me kept saying "he's mind" gently. That's when I turned nasty. Handsome bf decamped to San Francisco and I wouldn't leave Manhattan. Gay men think every one is fair game for them.

Good question. I ask the same thing when I read some of the comments on here. Like Trump's antics, gay bitchiness is exhausting.

R44, most sexual assault and harassment is committed by straight men.

R44, So you deliberately brought your boyfriend to gay bars to flaunt around and then got upset when guys would hit on him and not you?? Lol

Only guys with ugly boyfriends are allowed to go to bars? Anyone with an attractive boyfriend is "flaunting" rather than just socializing like everybody else, so they're fair game?

What a strange attitude to carry around.

The only times I've gone to gay bars is to get laid. Not sure why you'd go to one if that wasn't your motive

Girls, girls, you're all...tedious.

We're much too old for anything but piano bars now but back in the day we used to go out to drink and dance and meet up with our friends. We loved to go out after dinner, the theater or a movie.

I guess socializing with friends isn't for everyone.

(47) Flaunt, flaunt, flaunt... He would make friends with the most catty gossips imaginable and enjoyed all the attention. I was more reserved and sadly his San Francisco escapade came to a sad end.

[quote] Wow, R33, angry much? Kisses.

Ignore-dar reveals this to be OP's response, which means he's every bit as catty and mean as the people he complains about/

OP, in 7th grade study hall I had to sit at a table with five girls in my class. They were always snooty and mean and would say hateful things to me for no reason, but then a kid I had told I was gay told the whole school and I was expelled, but then allowed to come back. From the day I came back, those girls made my life hell, as if it weren't already. This lasted for the entire school year, five days a week.

I wanted to be just as bitchy and mean and hateful to them as they were to me. It didn't really work for me, but it did show me that when people are treated badly, they generally react badly. When gay men are looked down on, sneered at, and called names, they sometimes respond in kind and develop that brittle, hateful veneer as a protective shield.

R47, wow that took a lot of stretching to get to that answer. Another way to look at it would be he was going to bars with his boyfriend for a fun night out. The fact that you think he was flaunting him around is so fucked.

To answer your question, op, the combo of insecurity, agism, narcissism, and superficial values make for a bad combination. Most people grow out of it. The nasty bitchy phase is probably a growing pains thing.

What a stupid thread...but that’s what you get from stupid people. It’s kind of like how people who cheat to win think everyone who wins must cheat...sad

Because they wish they were women. That's why they hate women and transgender people.

People without strength or power resort to cattiness to express their hierarchy

I’m the queen of all bitches! 👑

Because people who are treated like shit their whole lives end up projecting that onto other people.

[quote]People without strength or power

Here's some more of the ridicule that is the root of the problem.

(57) No truer words were spoken..I always had that wish that I was a female, instead of a bitchy queen.

I dont know why gay men are like that, you would catch lesbians acting that way.

OP is so spiteful and mean to post such a lie.

And she has a pussy!

R63, are you serious? Lesbians have major drama. They don't call it dyke drama for nothing. As many have said, across the spectrum of the LGBTQ+ community there has been bullying, abuse, shaming, until recently acceptance from society. That mixed with a culture of vanity, sex, and substances, there are a lot of nasty cunts out there in the community.

[quote] As many have said, across the spectrum of the LGBTQ+ community there has been bullying, abuse, shaming, until recently acceptance from society. That mixed with a culture of vanity, sex, and substances, there are a lot of nasty cunts out there in the community.

I truly believe that most gay people my age (40) and older are a bit damaged--even if they don't show it.

I am your age and I feel that way a bit. I feel like I've mellowed with age.

R67, it's me, R65.

Ever since I started volunteering with my local pride center this year (during the pandemic)--a little zoom group that meets once per week, I have met an enormous number of older gay men and women, mostly retired, many of whom have never had a real relationship (other than one night stands) because they didn't want their families or their employers to know. It is so unbelievably tragic.

Kirk is still a hottie at 50.

Why are straight me so stupid?

[quote]Because they wish they were women. That's why they hate women and transgender people.

No, that's why trannies hate women.

Your title is misleading, OP. It's [italic]some[/italic] gay men, not [italic]all[/italic] (as you implied).

Some gay men emulate negative traits associated with straight women. They do a one-dimensional caricature. So they are overly obsessed with superficial appearance and primping. They act catty/bitchy and spread malicious gossip behind someone's back.

[italic]Some[/italic] lesbians do the same thing with stereotypical straight male behavior: acting ultra-macho, boastful, taking up extra space, having a chip on one's shoulder and being confrontational.

Both sets of behaviors seem to stem from an exaggerated competitive streak mixed with insecurity. People who behave this way tend to view you as either a rival (already mentioned here) or someone to be ignored. If they see you as a rival, it means you are a threat because you're competing with them for the same resources: status, jobs, dating pool, sex partners, etc. It's not much different from what animals do in nature. But humans are supposed to be a thinking, empathetic species not ruled by instinct, so what's our excuse?

I just saw a PBS rebroadcast of an Armistead Maupin documentary. He spoke about his grandmother, who was a suffragette in England. She once told him: “Any woman who is all woman or any man who is all man is a complete monster unfit for human company.”

She had a good point. Men and women, gay or straight, are complex individuals. Each person, regardless of orientation, has their own mix of masculine and feminine energies. People honest with themselves realize that. When some caricature how a man or woman should behave (which is simplistic), they are putting on an act instead of being real.

Many gay men are bitter, nasty queens.

Gay men being mean to each other is kind of understandable, We're attracted to each other, but also, in competition with each other, all the while being told we must fit into a larger "community" and that doesn't always work.

"You're so mean! WAHHHH WAHH WAHH. I'm gonna tell everyone on Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, OnlyFans. BOO HOO, look at me, look at me!" 🤡

I think it’s all the douching.

Would explain why most women are mean, as well.

hurt people hurt people.

So true bro ⬆️

(73) How dare you describe me..Do I know you?????

Some gays like the pain!

Cattiness and bitchiness are always about insecurity.

Because OP, oh and shut up.

It's the totem pole effect. Any group discriminated against always looks at someone "lower" to pick on. Whether that be other gays, a different race, ethnicity, etc.

Yep

Jealousy

The dynamic I see a lot with gay men and straight women is: average looking men and women bullying someone who’s better looking than them, but who also comes across as insecure. I once read that Sharon Tate got bullied a lot by other women, because she wasn’t good at dishing out a repartee to a mean spirited comment.

Only the bottoms usually though. And, among those, it's usually the ones who kind of have issues with the fact that they are bottoms so it really doesn't apply to everyone. Plus the question I ask is why are so many straight women with kids and husbands so spiteful and mean to beautiful and independent females who are single or who they see as delicate?

I have dated across the spectrum in my life and found that those who are spiteful and mean, are this way (and it is, I admit a generalization):

1. Bottoms with issues of self hate and who bring that into the bedroom (want to be called the f-word, etc. - not my thing so a dick wilter).

2. Simple-minded and small-minded gay men/straight women who hate anyone who seems "happier" or to "have a leg up" on them which they sort of deem from a superficial place because they don't really know anyone's struggles.

3. Sometimes those coming from a heavily conservative environment who internalized feelings of "not living up" to the bullshit standards.

OP, why do you project the vices of breeder bitches onto gay people?

When they do it, they are demonstrating hetero privilege. When we do it, we are fighting back against systemic oppression.

It’s those bottoms I tell ya! They got huge holes to fill!

Yeah, the old chestnut, "hurt people hurt people."

Some lesbians, especially some lesbians over a certain age who (I believe) experienced homophobia, can be nasty. I know a surprising number of women on the more "femme" side of the spectrum who say their butch ex-girlfriends were horrifyingly emotionally abusive in private. (Not all butch women: just something I've noticed from the stories of people I know.) There is a shared trauma (is it called trauma bonding?) in these kinds of couples.

All the gay men I know I either know through work or non-profit volunteering--so they have already self-selected into environments where people are civil and friendly. Being a lesbian, I know a greater diversity of lesbians, which is how I have met some of the unpleasant ones.

Identify and avoid.

It comes from being ostracized and ridiculed

Because it's fun.

because they can

If you think being mean and spiteful is fun, you have something very wrong with you

Because I’m hot and you’re not!

It’s because they belittle before they get belittled.

straight men are competitive, gay men are jealous

You’re so mean! ❄️

Why are gay men constantly being painted with such a broad brush even by other gay men?

I’m a gay man and I’m mean cuz I don’t like small dick fatties. There I said it! Go to your safe space now and cry!

Because we don't like you OP.

99% of everything uttered by a heterosexual man is negative, ridicule, insulting, complaining, gay-bashing, cruel, mean-spirited, back-stabbing, anti-woman, lying bullshit.

Mean gay men are unhappy about being gay. Same for mean people of every group. There is a void they fill with meanness.

It’s true though

Only the bottoms are bitchy.

I think effeminate men have deep scars because of ostracism, rejection, and persecution. They lash out to cope

catty

R107 is this why some of us ramble on and on about how they feel and how others feel, and some of us give one word answers when asked a question?

I think effeminate gay men try to use cattiness as a commodity to get social favor with some women. It is very repugnant to most men, so they end up only being friends with a certain type of woman or other fem men

A well-adjusted gay man is a treasure. They seem to have every good character trait, both masc. and fem.

But sadly some gay men are insecure. And this comes out in many ways, including meanness.

Clearly a lot of gay men here have not worked with straight men in the corporate world. Backstabbing bitchiness in full flower.

That hasn’t been my experience generally

Why are most Cunts women?

Why are most Assholes straight Dudes?

Why do Russian Trolls always pretend to be "life long Democrats" but....

My homophobic female Boomer boss once tried to complement me by saying gay men made the best designers because men tend to focus on the big picture and woman tend to focus on the details and gay seem to be good at both. That's why they make good designers. I refrained from telling her why woman are better off as housewives than in business.

Gay men tend to mimic their mothers bitchy behavior growing up but filled with fathers suppressed rage.

It’s everyone else’s fault! People should not be so dumb, and FAT!!!

After I came out, I realised that gay men caused me more harm than straight men ever did. Spitefulness and bitchiness seemed the only protection.

R117 Ain’t that the truth!

My straight male friends are chill and accepting.

Because a lot of gay guys seem to think being cruel and verbally abusive makes them witty.

It doesn’t

It’s not cute!

Trauma projection

Bump

Dark souls . They have no compassion

They love to visually eviserate people. They are constantly finding a fault . I can’t be around male cunts, violence will ensue

They are very damaged emotionally.

[quote]Why are gay men so spiteful and mean?

Why are straight men sociopathic abusers?

Envy

Bump

Because being vicious and cruel is their only currency in this world.

Great question

Modern gay men are. Growing up in the 80s and 90s, I don’t recall gay men being so decadent.