Are you a gay man who was “turned gay” in your early formative years due to an emotionally detached father?

Don't be ridiculous, OP. Your detached father didn't make you gay.

Your overbearing mother did.

Not telling

OP is a Trump voter. He's trotting out this old argument that gay men are secretly wanting the affection of their father.

No - your dad didn't make you gay. Emotionally distant fathers did not make their sons gay. At the same time, very close fathers who spent a lot of time with their sons also did not make them gay.

And if those arguments don't work, then it's a dominating mother. This is all just homophobic bullshit. Shame on you OP. Go back to Fox News and finger yourself over thinking about a Trump win.

I was turned gay in my early formative years by my swimming instructor's enormous and fully-attached penis.

As soon as it entered the periphery of my vision... gay.

Huh. I always thought it was because I love cock.

I was gay before I knew what gay was.

I slipped and fell on a cucumber and I...never looked back.

Nope- I squirted out of my sweet mama in a frilly little sundress and patent leather mary janes. Dolls followed swiftly and boys after that.

You are basically born with a certain level of predisposition to being homosexual. Your sexual proclivity is mostly formed by age 3.

If we turned gay due to daddy issues then wouldn’t we all be bottoms? Why do I, as a masculine, dominant top who’s never been penetrated (and never will be) enjoy fucking twinks and twunks who look nothing like my father if that’s the case?

OP is posting from 1952.

Although I know it's not the reason of my being gay, I did (do) have an overbearing mother and a distant father.

R12 - well up until the last 20 years, women did the child rearing and men were not that involved. If your mom had more than 1 kid and had some boys, then yes, she had to be domineering because boys catch up to women in size by the time they are 12 or 13.

I don't know many people who had passive mothers.

This whole stupid thread is about nature vs. nurture and implies that gays are made by ineffective parents. It's been proven false and it's insulting.

“The Gaying”, A Made For Sinclair Broadcasting Mouth Breathing Movie of the Week - rebroadcast between waffle chicken infomercials.

Spiritual and emotional 5g waves descend upon our young protagonist as his parents abuse his gender identity by stepping outside their hetero-normative bounds.

It’s a mist, it’s a floor coating, it’s a dessert topping.

[quote]Are you a gay man who was “turned gay” in your early formative years due to an emotionally detached father?

LOL - sounds like the headline on the brochure for a conversion therapy program from the 1980s.

OP, if you actually believe this, you're not only an idiot, but also looking for excuses and someone to blame.

I know that this OP idiot is trolling. I’d still like to punch him in the face just once.

Nope, bunch of BS

OP, your father was distant because he realized you were gay and he was uncomfortable with it.

Sexual orientation is present at birth. Stop peddling stupid ideas.

R1 is correct. Masculine Dominant Tops are attempting to win their mothers love from a father they hated. So they treat men in overly aggressive ways, though they are often paternal and protective of their partners too. They don't have to physically resemble your father, R10, for you to be working through your anger/intimacy issues with them. You are afraid to be vulnerable to a man, you feel you must control them. Some of us just prefer to fuck and I'm like that too. A natural top. But a man who has never been penetrated is trying to control his hatred of someone who penetrated him or his mother. Some men are born gay, like some animals fuck what's around in nature. But it's mostly nurture that creates GAY men. Same with the trans.

R19, there's no evidence to back that up. Like I said, tons of straight men have detached dads. And yet they're still straight.

Gay outta the womb. My memory goes back to when I was 5 and I remember immediately getting into an abusive friendship with the other gay kid down the street.I used to politely ask his mother if I could punch him back for hitting me and running away...and she let me.

[quote] Are you a gay man who was “turned gay” in your early formative years due to an emotionally detached father?

Almost all straight fathers are “emotionally detached”... at least in comparison to mothers.

It’s just the way society has groomed/demanded men to be.

Sure OP -- becoming gay is something that happens to people as they grow up. It has nothing to do with genes, or science, or reality.

Nice try, Boris.

R22, correct. If having a detached dad made men gay, then like 90% of men born before 1960 would be gay

No one "turned" me gay.

I was gay long before I was three and noticed how detached and emotionally unavailable my father tended to be."

OP there are millions of gay men who had great relationships with their fathers, there is no correlation between homosexuality and distant fathers.

R26 - I wouldn’t say there are “millions” of gay men who have great relationships with their father. That’s definitely a stretch. It’s actually rare.

R27, geez, maybe that's because lots of dads are too prejudiced to accept their gay sons

I think OP is a Tussian troll who got distracted while here to sow political discord. He got into the DL vibe but his only frames of reference are based on Russian homophobic psychiatric theories

R29 - what’s a “Tussian” troll?

Russian

OP does Rehoboth Beach not have any psychology textbooks that were written after 1930?

I know a lot of gay guys who have a good relationship with their parents and also know straight guys who never were raised with a dad figure.

R33 - it may be possible, but’s that’s the exception, not the rule.

Dear OP, you have asked a question that none of us can answer.

We can't go back in time. We can't observe our parent's behaviour under stress. We can't dissect our brain.

But we can ask questions and hopefully discuss things without the angry zealotry which seems to infecting this thread.

Yes OP

I was a good Christian. A football player. In love with my girlfriend.

I thought about big tits and juicy pussies all day long.

But then one day I was at the mall picking up some new cleats. I'd just had a big glass of cold milk and I needed to pee.

I went into the mall bathroom. There were two men in there. They seemed like good Christian men too.

Then one of them showed me his penis.

He said "Have you ever heard of the Homosexual Agenda son?"

And that's where it all began....

R34, it's not really an exception to the rule for straight men to have not-so-great relationships with their dads.

Like a third of boys are raised by single moms with no dads at all (or deadbeat dads) and yet the vast majority of these guys turn out straight

Thanks for starting this highly original discussion, Mary Socarides.

R38 - Who is Mary Socarides?

R37 The proportion of children raised by single moms is a lot more than one third now.

This video is 7 years old now—

It's the cold, mean dad X the overbearing, anxious mother that makes gay boys gay. Gay is an arrested state of sexual development that comes from predictable gestalt in a family. From an early age. An absent father is better than certain other combinations. Homosexuality is an obsessive compulsive disorder that manifests in obsessive erotic drives competing with immaturing and borderline emotions. A constant need to classify every person, action, like and dislike as either desirable or not, good or bad. Shallow thinking that one can control outcomes by controlling everything around them. It's a mental illness. But you can live with it and some manage to find the right partner to mirror and complement what they believe are "natural" instincts. In Karen Horner or Adlerian constructs - this too can be viewed as normalcy.

This is a pointless conversation.

There are no answers and it's stupid to get angry about it.

R41, your entire post is an example of "shallow thinking"

R41 - wow I’ve never heard it explained that way, but it makes sense to me. I feel like I’ve had a therapy session.

Let's see...

I liked to walk around on my tiptoes.

I preferred to skip instead of run.

I loved to twirl in circles.

And I would wear a t-shirt on my head and pretend I had long luxurious hair.

My father would beat me for all this.

Soooo.... Myeah.... There's where you'll find the cause of my father's emotional detachment.

(Not sure why I was sucking all the neighbor boys' dicks, though.)

R41 - I always knew deep down something was “wrong” with me (for being gay.) I’m actually tired of people saying it’s normal to be gay. Something had to go wrong. Although I am content in life, I feel like I’m going through the motions of someone else’s life. It’s like the world is not made for gays.

Nonsense. If this were the case, all of Ireland and England would be gay.

I already had R41 blocked.

R48 - he actually made some very insightful points. I’d consider unblocking.

[quote] I always knew deep down something was “wrong” with me (for being gay.) I’m actually tired of people saying it’s normal to be gay. Something had to go wrong.

What you probably felt was different and somehow in your environment that translated into "wrong". Obviously homosexuality is different than the majority of humans so one could say it's not "normal" as it's not the norm. But as I hope you k now by now things outside the norm are not wrong necessarily. They just aren't the norm. Having 6 toes is not the norm but it's not wrong. Having green eyes is not the norm but it's not wrong.

Now say 3 Our Fathers, 3 Hail Mary's and accept who you are.

R41 was being ironic. He was quoting from a text book explaining Freud's 1890s assertions

R49, he didn't make any good points, unless your idea of a good point is spewing outdated psychology to make it look like there's something wrong with gay people

R41 is the troll who goes around calling people “old white fags” and is, ironically, obsessed with RuPaul’s Drag Race.

R49, he did no such thing. He regurgitated right-wing evangelical ex-gay gobbledygook right out of a Focus on the Family brochure.

May have been more, his father sensed that he was gay and distanced himself

[quote]I’m actually tired of people saying it’s normal to be gay. Something had to go wrong.

I love Datalounge. 💕

I can assure you that I am neither right wing or in any way religious. I am educated, iconoclastic, ironic AND truthful. I am also GAY. I don't hate myself for being gay. But I'd rather not be. Some old gays on Datalounge deserve to be called ancient racist white FAGS R53. DL is overrun by exactly the type of emotionally brittle and sexually obsessed men I speak of. They don't experience pleasure in life as much as classify what is pleasing to them. Constantly. As they grow older - it shifts to the petty comfortable concerns you see discussed here on the daily.

Who doesn't sometimes watch RuPaul's Drag Race?

Anyone who thinks what I stated has anything much to do with Freud, understands NOTHING about modern and more progressive psychology.

Finally, I am not a troll. What a ridiculous and insecure assertions you make R53. Your lack of ego strength no doubt contributes to your ubiquity here and on other invisible forums.

R46. There is something wrong with you. Of course. There is with many people. Being gay is not your fault, nor is it fixable. It's not that rare and can be fun. Painful and lonely too. Resonant and creative. It's good to understand yourself and to truly SEE the ways in which they have been shaped and damaged. There is such a thing as normalcy in life, but it doesn't only come in hetersexual. To be mentally fit and psychologically mature is to know yourself. Take a look. Accept what you must, change what you can and to learn to give and receive love freely. That is our human purpose. It needn't be sexual, not at all. But it's great when it is. Sometimes a pussycat is nice too. Or fellow men and women of our OWN choosing. You don't have to love people because you were born to them or because they share your sexual orientation. The elders of DL are largely unhappy and hateful white men from another era. They suffered a lot of loss and dysfunction. And they are perfect examples of the arrested development and obsessive traits that I described earlier. Being gay is mental illness, in that it's an unnatural adaption to certain stressors and traumas. That's the truth. Why are gay men so specific about everything? Because they cannot achieve peace of mind until certain minute conditions are met. That's OCD and Borderline Personality Cluster B disordered stuff. You must work hard to train yourself out of it. Because it's easy to live there when you're younger. But over time, you will notice that YOU are the problem in most situations.

It's sad to realize that we are once again, different and separate from most people. But it is folly to create an artificial world where only superficial things matter. Middle age will come and bite you in your denial.

As old age has done to R53.

R56 - That may be the most profound content I have read here on Datalounge.....ever. It was thoughtful, intelligent, insightful, and real. Everyone won’t agree, but it certainly resounded with me.

R56 and r57 are probably the same troll

Homosexuality is not a mental illness. And there is no evidence that gay men are more "OCD" than straight people

[quote] no evidence There is neither statistics nor evidence for most of the emotional self-validating self-assertions happening in this thread

R56 is crazier than a shithouse rat. I've had enough of him and OP/R57.

Oh, and OP/R57 is also the author of the similarly self-loathing "Scott Evans would be hot if he wasn't gay" thread.

R60 - Who the fuck are you to decide “you’ve had enough of us?”

OP, I knew the anonymous melodramatic queens here couldn't cope with a discussion requiring subtlety or introspection.

Maybe this thread can help some people. Some reaction is not unwarranted, but accusing an obviously intelligent man to be crazy as a 'shithouse rat' is defensive and reactive on your part R60.

[quote]And there is no evidence that gay men are more "OCD" than straight people.

That is simply and categorically, incorrect.

R64 - Thank you for your input

OP, your pic looks more about physical child abandonment on a railroad track with a suitcase. How does that align with your agenda to discuss emotionally distant fathers?

I think your father, or the man your mother claims is your father, abandoned you. Tell us more about that so we can exploit you the way you try to exploit gay men.

R64, LOL Bitch you're obviously NOT intelligent, you're talking to yourself.

R64, you're the one making shit up

Your original trauma(s) affect you everyday R68. That was one of my points. You continue to demonstrate it.

R59, R62, R63, R64, R65...more insanity.

R70 - Insanity? Or a real discussion of gay issues?

[quote]Being gay is mental illness, in that it's an unnatural adaption to certain stressors and traumas. That's the truth.

I'm sorry but this statement is not only not the "truth," it's flatly incorrect, as you would know had you bothered to study the literature and the latest studies.

[quote]And there is no evidence that gay men are more "OCD" than straight people.

[quote]That is simply and categorically, incorrect.

Then it should be trivially easy for you to prove the prior statement wrong. We eagerly await your evidence.

[quote]he actually made some very insightful points. I’d consider unblocking.

No, he really didn't, R49. He regurgitated some rather lame bullshit that was debunked literally decades ago. None of what R41 wrote was even accurate, much less "insightful," which is why you will note the complete, and continuing, lack of corroborative evidence.

R10 You are exhausting. Do you really need to turn each of your posts into some pathetic Nifty™ story?

OP, if you think that homosexuality is a mentall illness. I don't understand why you are in a gay board.

^ Seriously!

None of this is trivial, nor necessarily important. Some people are happy where they landed and they should not be disturbed. But internet forums are sometimes a disturbance of thought, opinion and information.

That information was not "debunked" decades ago R74. It was "officially" removed for politically correct and very good human rights reasons. And insurance purposes. But the psychological truths are still valid and deeply embedded in most studies of psychiatric thought.

Good luck to you R74. You are prolific here. Flailing so hard at things that shouldn't bother you at all.

Yeah, printing accurate info is sooooo politically correct! How dare people tell the truth!

They didn't print anything, they removed print. You're out of your league here R79. Open your mind and learn. Open your eyes and ask why you feel so attacked? Are your fearful of being "abnormal?" You have been depathologized more than 40 years ago. The psychiatric community is never the final word on things, but if you think that they EVER removed being gay from concern or tens of thousands of references to mental disorders - you are very wrong.

[quote]Most importantly, in medicine, psychiatry, and other mental health professions, removing the diagnosis from the DSM led to an important shift from asking questions about “what causes homosexuality?” and “how can we treat it?” to focusing instead on the health and mental health needs of LGBT patient populations.

Basic History. Politically correct or incorrect. READ.

Clinical history is not as important as lived history. Try to be happy with yourself. And challenge what holds you back. Pretending that being gay is a whole subset of different emotions and values and feelings and behaviors than the rest of society ain't it. That's part of the pathology of being gay. Realizing that you'll never fit in there is painful. Somewhere between these two things might be your own sweet spot of contentment. Good luck to you R79.

Being gay is for sissies. But not weaklings.

"Open your mind and learn."

Someone who thinks homosexuality is a mental illness is telling others to be open-minded? The hypocrisy is thick in the air.

I can feel your love for me R81. Thank you. ❤️💙💜💛🤍💚❤️

All fathers are emotionally distant, dumbfuck OP. But not all men are gay.

OP, we’d have a vast armies of gay people of color knocking on your door to let you know you’re nasty and your shoes suck.

Our systematic racism has torn their families apart for 450+ years

We don’t have anything nearly that cool.

[quote]That information was not "debunked" decades ago R74.

Yes, actually, it was, beginning with studies in the late 1950s. Your ignorance of the state of the research going back 70 years is noted.

[quote]It was "officially" removed for politically correct and very good human rights reasons.

This is a lie, of course, which also has been debunked many times. Doubling down on your lying is not a good look here, particularly when it's quite clear that a) you know nothing at all about this topic, and b) you aren't even trying to come up with any resources to defend the drivel and psychobabble you're posting.

[quote]Good luck to you R74. You are prolific here. Flailing so hard at things that shouldn't bother you at all.

ROFL.... Oh, the irony.... I do love how, like most ignorant trolls, you double down on the ignorance and go on the attack when challenged. So predictable.

You sound so very angry R85. Take a walk, get some air, visit your favorite glory hole. Whatever you can handle charlie.

Dear, do you need me to explain that ROFL means that I am rolling on the floor laughing at your silliness? I'm not "angry;" I'm amused.

What's even funnier about your trolling is that you're using arguments that other ignorant bigots stopped using a couple of decades ago. You're a real blast from the past.

^ Fuck off gramps. ^

You sound so very angry, R88. Take a walk, get some air, visit your favorite glory hole. Whatever you can handle, Charlie.

"Take a walk, get some air, visit your favorite glory hole."

Maybe you should do the same. You seem pretty hysterical with your insistence that homosexuality is a mental illness.

So OP (and his defenders) please clarify something for me. I have 3 brothers. They are all heterosexual. Interestingly enough, they were all raised in the same environment as I was, with the same emotionally distant father, By your theory, have they been living a lie this whole time? Shouldn’t they be gay? Should I let them know? If only my dad had been a peach of a guy! I could have been straight all these years too!

Your arguments are ridiculous, dated and dangerous. But by all means please continue to peddle your bullshit pseudoscience on an anonymous gay website that will take any crackpot theory spouted by an anonymous troll as intelligent discourse.

R91 for the win

[quote] Homosexuality is an obsessive compulsive disorder that manifests in obsessive erotic drives competing with immaturing and borderline emotions.

Explain genuine bisexuality then.

Homosexuality is a genetic mutation within our DNA. It makes no sense and serves no purpose on an evolutionary scale. Humans are animals and our instinct to procreate is driven by an evolutionary desire to have progeny to carry on our genes. Just like every animal on this planet.

Sometimes I think the Aliens on the mother ship must be looking at each other and shaking their heads at the sight of all the human males trying to impregnate each other! If we are an interplanetary science experiment, then they really fucked up!!! Xenu's gonna want some answers! Someone's got some 'splaining to do!

That said, if homosexuality is a genetic mutation, homosexuality will naturally die down over the next few hundred years. You need gay males siring children for the mutation to become dominant. Most gay males won't sire children, thus their DNA won't continue, but their siblings will be able to inherit the dormant mutation and pass it on, but the odds of having a homosexual child will become less and less-- "Evolutionary-wise" that is.

R94 - interesting theory, which I believe to be true. Of course there’s no way to know what will happen in a couple hundred years, but it’s fascinating to ponder.

Yeah, "fascinating" is certainly one word for that load of pseudoscience spewed by Miss Thang at R94.

^^Oops, meant to type "interesting"

I loved my father and he loved me.

I miss him every day.

Not true at all. There is no more than an incidental link between sexuality and procreation. It is clearly more about cooperation than sperm. It is unscientific to pretend otherwise.

[quote]Homosexuality is a genetic mutation within our DNA. It makes no sense and serves no purpose on an evolutionary

We won't "die off" moron. As long as there are men in the world, we'll never go away.

Well straight people being infertile doesn't serve an "evolutionary" purpose either but it happens

[quote]human males trying to impregnate each other!

having a dick and the fact that it feels good when you stick it in something is the driving force, impregnation is a bi-product of that.

As long as humanity requires human males to feel good when their dicks are stimulated, you will have guys sticking their dicks in everything. Sometimes babies will happen. There is no biological need to spread seed as much as there is to have an orgasm. So as long as men are built that way which they need to be for people to actually end up procreating, you will have men who have sex with men, because men are also capable of giving other men pleasure.

No. Fathers 'emotionally detach' when they realize Junior is gay.

So saying that homosexuality is a mental illness is like saying someone who likes to eat certain foods but doesn't like chocolate is also like saying that kind of person is mentally ill which we all know isn't the case.

Some are born gay

Some achieve gayness

And some have gayness thrust upon them

I was helped along in my journey by an emotionally detached father, who wasn’t mine.

I've had a few emotionally detached fathers....in the boudoir!!!!

r100 I didn't say "die off", I said "die down". Learn to read, you FUCKTARD.

[quote]That said, if homosexuality is a genetic mutation, homosexuality will naturally die down over the next few hundred years. You need gay males siring children for the mutation to become dominant.

You're insinuating that gay men will "die off", dumbfuck.

Won't happen until men lose all feeling in their penis.

If the theory about naturally dying down were accurate, we'd have already seen signs of it. We haven't; the theory isn't accurate.

You won't see signs of homosexuality becoming less common until two generations from now. The current crop of gays have to "die down" for you to assess whether homosexuality is linked to a DNA mutation. Right now, socially, homosexuality isn't as taboo as it was 100 years ago, so men can freely live their lives out in the open. So, it feels like there's a ton more homosexuals in the world. It's a wait and see game, but researchers (and sociologists) are collecting more data and DNA, looking for DNA and RNA similarities in all homosexuals. If they can find that mutation, we have our answer. Until then, they think homosexuality might be linked to a mother's hormones going wild and "overreacting" to the fetus' own hormone production during a critical phase of fetal brain development.

Oh, please, R111. Homosexuality has been around for thousands of years. Your theory is simply wrong.

No shit r112 but no one has been studying or keeping statistical data on homosexuality until very recently. Kinsey was perv hack. Pull your head out of your ass and actually READ what I wrote!!!

I did; it's still dumb, R113. Your theory is simply wrong. Deal with it.

Yet most heterosexual women, my ex and my sister and my roommate complained about how their hetero husbands'/boyfriends' moms were overbearing and their father-in-law was chill. That notion was pathetic in 1952 and is still pathetic. How many women suffered under tyrant mother in laws and complains their idiot husbands are mama's boy. Ask any straight woman almost and she will tell you her partner has an overbearing mom yet these men are still heterosexual.

If distant fathers caused men to be gay then ninety percent of men raised before, say, 1990, would be gay. The idea of an involved and affectionate father is very new historically.

r114 OTR Oppositional Response TROLL

Is any straight father glad his son is gay? No matter how open minded he is, the answer will always be no.

R118 - unless that “straight” father is attracted to the son.

No, because I have two younger brothers who were all raised by the same emotionally detached dad and I’m the only gay one, and the only son who made something of his life.

R113 is homophobic scum and probably a trancel.

R121 - what’s a trancel

Tranny + Incel, it’s redundant really

R123 - Lol I hate trannies too!