Let's be Portland, OR

I'm coffee ☕.

I'm all the stores boarded up in downtown Portland making the city look like a ghost town.

I'm trees. Lots and lots of trees.

I'm the simmering jealousy of those who don't live in this beautiful, progressive, nation-leading town that is still driveable, liveable and affordable.

I'm triggered.

I'm the ridiculously expensive Voodoo donut that is cauliflower and bacon flavored with instant coffee sprinkles on top.

I'm Portlandia, the show about me that works to present my quirks and personality to those maybe not familiar with me.

"to those who may not be familiar with me."

I'm Courtney Love in 1983, dancing at Mary's topless downtown.

I'm suburban Beaverton, home of Nike.

I claim to be diverse....as long as I don't have to actually see or host any black people, it's just dandy!

I'm Seattle. You're cute, but not that cute.

I'm my nearly 47 year old sister who lives there and who's way too excited that they legalized coke.

I'm rain

They legalized coke, R13?

I'm the lack of a top tier university.

I'm the space where Satyricon used to be.

I’m the immaculate adult bookstore. I’m in every neighborhood.

[quote]They legalized coke, [R13]?

Oregon just passed a measure that decriminalizes possession of street drugs (heroin, meth, etc.) - you either have to pay a fine or go to a treatment center.

We also just legalized psilocybin mushrooms for psychotherapeutic use.

I’m the tall bikes and the men in top hats who ride them.

Like this guy.

I’m the Pendleton sign/logo

Man I would love to own the Surbaru dealership in Portland.

I'm the gay community living without fear of being harassed, attacked, and/or killed.

Or not

R25 No you're not.

R25 Have you ever been here?

There will always be white trash anywhere, but I have an inkling being gay in Portland is a little bit easier than being gay in Sioux Falls or Wichita.

But not easier than a good number of other big cities. Being above Sioux Falls really isn't a great standard.

I'm the California populace. You'll be seeing more and more of me in the months to come.

I'm the microbrewery, across the street from that other microbrewery that's next to the pot dispensary and the bike shop.

I was hoping to be its burning corpse, but it seems to have a little life left in it, still.

Good, maybe I can sell my house to some Californians for over 1 million in the spring.

I'm the Black Exclusion Laws, built in on its inception. White people seems to know nothing about me, but they sure have White Guilt , at least performatively.

I'm the bone deep misogyny.

I'm the Springwater Corridor.

I'm the rapes

that's what I'm afraid of on the Springwater Corridor!

I'm one of the hundreds of tents sprinkled throughout the city.

I'm the kombucha microbrewery around the corner from you, R32. Hi!

[quote]I’m the Pendleton sign/logo

Actually it has nothing to do with Pendleton, it was originally the White Stag Sugar sign.

I’m Gresham. Everyone wants to pretend I don’t exist, but I’m always there, edging towards the city with my trashiness,

Im the AFS domestic exhchange student from MIssouri. I spend junior year at Lake Oswego High School. I am deperate to get away from bullying back home.

R42 Gresham used to be a typical suburban city with little crime. The gentrification that happened NE Portland over the last 20 years pushed everybody further and further east into Rockwood, which is now a crime-ridden enclave, and eventually, into east Gresham. You can blame the trust fund kids who thought it would "be cool to move to Portland."

Im Sasquatch. Now that drugs are legalized, you'll be hearing of a lot more sightings of me.

Goodness, Gresham is trashy r42. My dad (African American) moved there about 15 years ago and the neighbor man hung a confederate flag in front of his house the next week. I grew up in NE Portland in the 70’s and it was probably one of the most liberal places in the US at that time. Our neighbors were an out lesbian couple, we had a cross dressing neighbor down the block. My dad was black and my mom was white. No one batted an eye, and this was in the mid 70’s. The house that I grew up in was considered to be the hood at the time, and is now valued at over a million dollars. We literally had mushrooms growing in the basement out of the foundation when we moved, from the dampness.

I am the cold windy coast that natives think is the best place on earth.

I’m the grungy, shitty yet attitudinous food carts that have mushroomed in every other parking lot.

I'm Seattle. Don't. Come. One. Fucking. Step. Closer.

I’m conveyor belt sushi and artisanal ramen.

I'm everyone under 30. We don't work.

R45 Gresham has changed! The top two vote getters in the mayoral election are a Black man and gay Latino.

I'm the rebellion - in a conformist sort of way.

I deserve what I allow.

I'm Matt Groening!

I'm the looming 27th birthday for many at R51. So, like, we can still get sick and stuff, right?

I'm the cops crying 'cause they gonna be 18 million poorer soon.

Maybe ease up on the tear gas purchases and solve some crimes, 'kay?

I’m donuts made from lead.

r57, sorry but you are cancelled and voted down.

I’m the young people strung out on heroin ....I’m all over

I'm Gladstone, competing with Gresham in trashiness and crime. Qanon hangs out here.

I’m the world’s ugliest building.

I’m homemade kombucha. Try me!

I'm pleasant enough but really don't live up to my hype. Kindof like Austin and Denver. I'll be forgotten in a decade.

I’m the clothing optional beach at Sauvie Island, where people let their children run around nude strangers.

I hope Portland is over in a decade. I like it here but it’s getting tight.

I'm the nutria, thriving in the creeks and ponds. Somewhat cute if you like water rats.

We're the protesters. We're not protesting anything in particular, we just like fucking shit up. Down with capitalism!

We'll keep doing this as long as our parents keep paying our credit card bills.

I'm a 3500 sq. ft., 3 bedroom, 1.5 bathroom house that hasn't had any word done on it since the 1970s. I cost $850,000.

And I cost twice as much as I did 15 years ago, but still half as much, even three times less, than a similar home in the Bay Area.

I'm hiking.

I'm resentment of Californians.

[quote]I hope Portland is over in a decade. I like it here but it’s getting tight.

Portland is over now. But they'll keep coming.

If people are coming, it's not over.

I'm your typical Portland resident.

How do people like r75's guy afford to live in Portland?

They all have housemates and share the rent. A surprisingly large number of young Portlanders live like they're still in college. (Where young people go to retire, etc.)

I was born and raised in Portland, and while I like a lot of things about it, I absolutely loathe the slacker culture—it attracts the insufferable.

I'm the Voodoo Dounuts' publicist! I was the BEST, man, the BEST, I had this local donut store on every travel show ever produced and lines around the block on the weekends! All for cereal on cheap fucking donuts that cost five cents each to make!

And then the riots and the fucking pandemic, I'm giving it up and retiring to Idaho.

I'm not "the Paris of" anything or anywhere.

R76 You don't recognize Phil Knight? The unicycle gig is more of a side line for him and Nike will soon begin carrying a new line of clothing for unicyclists everywhere.

I'm the Paris of Mob Violence. Nobody does it like I do.

I've met the unipiper and his wife, they are nice people.

I'm the lack of job opportunities for educated doofusses with skills not in high demand anywhere who are dumb enough to come here and spend all their savings.

The rubes will keep coming for awhile even though bloom is off. Look at Austin, decades after its heyday, people are dumb enough to go there.

I'm expensive outfoor clothing with a preference for obscenely expensive, obscure brands, but Patagonia and Arc'teryx will do for the masses.

Don't forget Beyond and REI.

I'm the thin black-skinned and white-skinned, but black-attired line of protestors, plus the wall of moms, the dads with leaf blowers, who showed the rest of the nation how to make Trump look weak and ineffectual. I got beaten, gassed and shot in the head with bullets so the rest of the nation could enjoy this victory.

You're welcome, sit at homes.

I'm the small businessperson who opened a shop downtown, and whose dreams were crushed by R87's morons.

Nobody outside Portland thinks the protestors have any goals or are protesting anything specific, you know, we think that most of them are there because protesting is fashionable in certain circles.

I'm the Columbia River Gorge, one of the most beautiful places in the country. And I'm The Rose, great club to see good music.

R88 bless your heart

I’m a hooker on 82nd, outside the Unicorn Motel.

I'm the ghost of Satyricon where Kurt and Courtney met.

Also a shoutout to the sadly defunct 24 Hour Church of Elvis.

I'm the awareness that racism is the cancer in the United States. Hope we don't die of it.

I’m the fish with three eyes, caught in the polluted Columbia river.

We're the helicopter mothers, who couldn't possibly let our darling boys protest without being there to protect them!

I'm the cross R87 is nailed to. Stay humble.

I'm the sloe gin fizz.

R92 were you there in the 80s, early/mid 90s? The Church of Elvis was so Portlandia.

I’m the Huber’s Cafe turkey dinners and flaming Spanish coffees.

I am skoochies in the mid to late 80’s. Clove cigarette smell permeates everything. Dancing alone in front of a mirror was the best thing ever. We paid homeless people $1 to buy alcohol for us, because we were 14-15. Oddly enough, most of those kids ended up wildly successful.

Won't somebody PLEASE think of Hillsboro?

Ooh, speaking of clubs....I am the gay member of the Hoffman family (worth over a billion) that is constantly cruising. He has been ‘sneaking out’ to the gay bars since high school. His family will never let him come out.

Portland has the same spirit that Youngstown , Cleveland, and PIttsburgh had around 1970. It didn't work out for them, but who knows, maybe things will be different this time around.

I’m roses bakery if it’s still there with giant cakes....

I’m troutdale..I’m upscale..haha

I'm the delicious food everywhere.

I'm the urban glamour that Portland embodied for this kid who grew up on a highway lined with shabby strip malls and fast food joints in nearby Milwaukie.

Milwaukie has a public elevator! That's class!

That's Oregon City, 107

R103, do you remember the giant glazed doughnuts they used to make? They were like 10 inches wide. I got my birthday cake there every year too, as a child. The chocolate cake with fudge like icing was soooo good. They have a small restaurant now in the Portland airport, but it’s not very good.

R103 do you remember where Rose's was in the 80's? Was it on 23rd near where Urban Outfitters is?

R98 I was. My formative/club kid years so to speak were mid to late 80's, driving up with friends going to the City, Skoochies , Manhattan Club, Warehouse, using my bad fake id to get into the Brig (with the caged dancefloor), Eagle, Flossie's, Two-Bit Tuesday beer night at Scandals, CC's with hay bails on the floor, Ember's, Lotus, Dakota Club, etc. Dives like Patty's Retreat and Matador. Crashing on friend's and strangers floors, or getting a room for dirt cheap at Club Portland.

Eating at QP, Rose's, Hamburger Mary's, Escape From NY and Macheesmo Mouse.

Cruising at Galleria, Sin City and Hard Times. Shopping for records at Turntable Mary's, Dudley's and Ozone.

The 90's brought X-Ray Cafe, strippers at JJ's, Club 1201 & Three Sisters (aka Six Tits), Sunday night dance parties at Saucebox, Tiger Bar, Ohm, endless margaritas at Santa Fe, endless drugs at Panorama (and endless after hours parties when it closed), Tony Starlight at the Gypsy, Dancing at Berbati's, cruising Washington Park, etc.

Oops, sorry to derail, got caught up in a missing my faded youth moment. Needless to say, the old gray mare ain't what she used to be, referring to both myself and the city.

I'm whatever those protestors are protesting about. Nobody knows who or what I am, not even the protestors.

I'm the indoor ice rink at the Lloyd Center mall.

No, bitch @ r5, I'M triggered!!

R4 you must not live here. Driveable? The roads are an abomination. Potholes that can swallow your car whole.

Affordable? Have you been to old town recently? Every single block is a tent community.

R111 probably pent up rage over being called he/she instead of they.

r114, it's not just Old Town, they are everywhere surrounded by tons of garbage and stolen bikes. Portland is rapidly turning into a shithole and that really makes me sad.

I'm cool 23rd Avenue.

Agreed R114 / R115. I grew up here in the '90s/early 2000s, and while there was always a grit about it, it was not remotely the bedlam it is today. The majority of people claiming Portland is "so drivable" have migrated here from major metropolises, and are used to the traffic of a city that has 10 million+ residents. It's all relative. They don't know what the roads looked like 15–20 years ago.

The real problem is that Portland's freeway system was abysmally designed—absolutely zero forethought was put into the city's growth. Now, the spike in population combined with the spike in rental/real estate prices has pushed most people outside the city limits, meaning more people needing to commute every day, hence, more people on the freeways. Bottlenecks everywhere. And potholes—especially if you're on the east side, which the local government ignores.

If they've legalized street drugs, the homeless problem is only going to get worse. Human dregs will flock there from all over the west, for the opportunity to use drugs in public without fear of interference!

Plus, they can join in the free pointless demonstrations, when they want a bit of excitement.

A cousin and two friends of mine all moved to Portland over the last few years. I cannot believe how expensive it is to buy a house. I mean, I was truly shocked. And these houses are what normally would be considered middle-class dwellings, nothing "fancy" at all. They're all over half a million. It's like LA or Orange County prices, but it's fucking Portland!

I agree r119. Starter homes are $400k+ and small homes get bought by investors to be knocked down and built much larger.

We bought our current house in January of 2011 and the value has doubled since then.

Seriously, I was there last two years ago, and even then the whole of downtown was visibly declining and full of homeless people who felt free to harrass anyone fool enough to be out on foot.

Is the downtown/central area completely fucked by now, or are there still some good areas left?

R119 hopefully your cousin and friends realize they are the part of the reason why people born and raised here can't even afford to buy a house.

I bet I know you, r110. I pretty much lived at skoochies, the warehouse, and pioneer square. Also, the original (and best) Roses was on 23rd. My mom had Rose’s cookbook when I was young. I should look online and see if I can find one.

Rose’s restaurant on NW 23rd closed in 2011 r23.

I’ve actually browsed through the Rose’s cookbook in the main Powell’s bookstore on Burnside. I looked that cookbook up on the Powell’s website just now, and I didn’t see it listed, but the Powell’s website is abysmal.

As small as Portland is R110, it's a good chance we've crossed paths. That's why I try to keep from divulging anything personally identifiable when I post on Portland threads.

R120, houses are selling like hotcakes, with multiple offers over asking, buyers waiving inspections, etc. Meanwhile since summer, you can't give condos away.

In my rambling trip down memory lane above, I forgot two important pieces of my youth - seeing and being seen at Metro on Broadway and shopping at Big Bang.

R109 I do recall those now u mentioned..my dad too my brothers and I there but we were visiting from Seattle metro area...he also had a fav Chinese with “10 day orange sauce “ it cooked for..10 days but the place got sold and that left the menu.

I am the native Oregonian who chastises those who wield an umbrella.

I’m Marionberry. No relation to Marion Berry.

I’m Powell’s city of books and I am a city block chock full of books..rare ones too ...heaven but haven’t even in awhile..is it still awesome Portland’s?

I'm The Majestic Hotel and Baths. I am also the Benson Hotel Lobby at high tea time.

I'm the broken dishes thrown on the ground during party time upstairs at Greek Cuisina (until Randy Leonard forced them to shut down).

I'm also the Olympic Steam Baths that used to be located underneath the same building.

I’m Muu-Muu’s (and the ghost of Casa U Betcha) on 21st, now another COVID casualty.

Thank you R110. Gah what days. Oh your post brings me back. What a super-fantastic post.

Thank you R112. Our girl Tonya Harding would occasionally skate at the Lloyd Center. She was amazingly-fast and like a twisting bullet.

I’m the tear-down NW Portland house purchased for 52k in the late 80s. I was built in 1952 on fill material to house the returning WW2 ship-repairers. I am still splitting in half but now worth 600k+ due to the 1/8 acre view lot by Forest Park in the NW district. I am the homeless person who lived in Forest Park but slept in the house’s unlocked crawl space when it was cold in the park before the owner realized I was there and thus called the cops.

I am the brand new McMenimans brew pub on lower 23rd. I attracted all of the yuppie, gay, hippie residents as they wandered between work, the local plant store, the Food Coop, Besaw’s, Macleay Park, and the Thurman St dive place where Country Joe McDonald played and I used some sad LSD.

This is a fun thread. I left in 1996.

R133 which Thurman Street Dive are you referencing?

Crackerjacks or The Green Room?

I miss the old Besaw’s. The new one in the rebranded Slab Town just isn’t the same. Slab Town to me is the lesbian bar that was right off 16th and the punk bar I’m blanking on the name.