I did this year, at 41. I’m just subsisting now and waiting for death.
At what age did you give up on your last dream in life?
by Anonymous | reply 75 | November 6, 2020 9:05 AM |
OP - at 41 you have a lot of time left. This year was shitty but life goes on. Took some dark turns though.
by Anonymous | reply 1 | October 30, 2020 12:50 AM |
Don't be fucking ridiculous OP!
by Anonymous | reply 2 | October 30, 2020 12:52 AM |
R1 Was your Broadway show scheduled to open last April?
by Anonymous | reply 3 | October 30, 2020 12:52 AM |
Now there, there, OP. The solution is something called a toupee.
by Anonymous | reply 4 | October 30, 2020 12:57 AM |
At 41, I still had lots of hope flor the future, moved to a foreign country for a job and had good health and lots of energy. Twenty years later, not so much.
by Anonymous | reply 5 | October 30, 2020 12:58 AM |
41 is the gay 75. You definitely have cause for concern.
by Anonymous | reply 6 | October 30, 2020 1:08 AM |
Depends on your last dream. If it's to be a famous pop star? Yeah, 41 is too late. If it's to make a million dollars? You definitely have time. If it's finding love? Again, definitely have time.
Need more details OP.
by Anonymous | reply 7 | October 30, 2020 1:08 AM |
After many years of unsuccessful relationships, I ended up finding love at 56.
by Anonymous | reply 8 | October 30, 2020 1:12 AM |
[quote] Depends on your last dream.
I wanted to be married one day. That was the last dream. I was in a 10-year relationship that ended 5 years ago. Since then, it’s been a long string of disappointments. Guys want to fuck me, but they don’t want to date me. To say nothing of being in a relationship or being married.
I should probably just be grateful for the 10-year relationship that I had, try to be happy for the people pairing off that I see around me (even the ones who rejected me), and try to accept that I’m not what anyone is looking for in a partner.
I can’t imagine living another 30 or 40 years like this, though. Another 10 or 15, perhaps. I already feel ancient.
by Anonymous | reply 9 | October 30, 2020 11:24 PM |
OP, you're depressed, you need to see a professional. Strangers on the internet are not qualified to help you.
by Anonymous | reply 10 | October 30, 2020 11:48 PM |
[quote]I’m just subsisting now and waiting for death.
MARY!
by Anonymous | reply 11 | October 31, 2020 12:22 AM |
[quote]After many years of unsuccessful relationships, I ended up finding love at 56.
Me too!
by Anonymous | reply 12 | October 31, 2020 12:24 AM |
I had my heart broken and it was the best thing to ever happen to me!
It made me realize my priorities were wrong, and I had a paradigm shift and spent the next decade reevaluating my entire life. Question everything!
by Anonymous | reply 13 | October 31, 2020 12:55 AM |
R13 - how do I do that during a pandemic? Two drinks after work followed by about 2 hours of strolling and another drink at lunch before nap time (30 mins sleep, 10 to eat and 10 to drink). No bueno.
by Anonymous | reply 14 | October 31, 2020 1:07 AM |
OP, I am right there with you, but I admit it took me until my late 50s to get there. But it is true, life is one long slalom race into a hole in the ground.
Lufe is lots of work just to stay in place. And then you die.
by Anonymous | reply 15 | October 31, 2020 1:10 AM |
Find something else to want.
by Anonymous | reply 16 | October 31, 2020 1:20 AM |
Who in fuck started this thread? Nietzche or Camus?
by Anonymous | reply 17 | October 31, 2020 2:00 AM |
Statistically speaking, your 40's are the decade with the least amount of life satisfaction, then it bounces back and peaks in your 60's.
My early 40's were just a maintenance mode of my 30's and then mid 40's were definitely mid-life crisis years. I knew something had to change, but I didn't know how to go about it.
Fast forward and my life is completely different now at 50 - all for the best. Moved to better weather, have a great relationship, and a great job. There's still a lot to look forward to OP. I'm so glad I took the chances and made the moves I did at 47 and 48 - although they were scary to start life someplace new. Absolutely no regrets. I have a great life now - despite COVID.
by Anonymous | reply 18 | October 31, 2020 2:06 AM |
For starters, OP, put down the bong and pick up a book!
by Anonymous | reply 19 | October 31, 2020 2:09 AM |
OP, very few of our “dreams” come true but happiness is also found in being OK with that and in finding meaning in your life. (I know, MARY! But it’s true.)
by Anonymous | reply 20 | October 31, 2020 2:10 AM |
Are you a man or a woman, R8? Tell us more about your story.
by Anonymous | reply 21 | October 31, 2020 2:17 AM |
OP, I started over at 42. I'd been working at a job I hated going to night school, vaguely thinking about a career in healthcare instead of Cube Hell, and at 41 I got laid off. I worked at temp jobs for a while and found my night school credits were enough to get me into a healthcare training program, and I moved to a tiny studio and sent every cent of my savings on retraining and starting a new life. And I did, I started a new and better life. Of course my new life isn't perfect, but the biggie is it is MY LIFE now, it's all something I made happen rather than something that happens to me.
Other people I know who started over around age forty include the woman who married a Silicon Valley CEO at age 39, the person who moved to a new city and went into business for herself and did well, the computer nerd who started consulting on the side and made a pile, the second marriages, the moves, the career changes, etc. Forty is the middle of your life, the time when you change things while there's still time to make the changes work.
by Anonymous | reply 22 | October 31, 2020 2:44 AM |
Reinvention can definitely happen in your 40s. Even 50s. The key is a little cash safety net - and willingness to do without luxuries. 40s are the low point in life - it that also forces you to prioritize and figure out what really makes you happy. I realized that MY goals were different than the goals I was pursuing because I was told I should - namely, money and a big apartment and fabulous travel.
by Anonymous | reply 23 | October 31, 2020 2:54 AM |
R22 and R23 are right - your 40's are the time to make a big change before it's too late. You need to really think about what you want your 50's and 60's to look like.
Up until 40, you're just trying to establish yourself - now you have to think about how to structure the rest of your life.
But you do need a cash safety net. I spent a lot of money in my 40's on 'compensatory' items or experiences or travel - things that I thought would bring me happiness. And they did, for a short period of time. But fundamentally, I was unhappy in my commute, my job, and where I lived.
Your 40s are that transition decade between being 'old-young' and being 'young-old' - and you'll see your priorities completely shift. All of a sudden, retirement planning becomes super real and your realize you have a couple of good decades left.
Hope that helps - nobody told me this when I turned 40.
by Anonymous | reply 24 | October 31, 2020 2:38 PM |
I turned 49 in June and after 23 brutal/draining years in advertising, I’m going back to school to eventually become a psychotherapist. Just like r22, I’m going to spend most of my savings on tuition but I don’t care. I’ve done enough traveling, eating out, buying clothes to last a lifetime. I‘m now poor but I’m free and super-energized. I wish this for you too OP. If you’re depressed, see someone - maybe even consider meds. Because you’re way too young to be talking the way that you are.
by Anonymous | reply 25 | October 31, 2020 3:36 PM |
OP, you are just transitioning to a new phase in your life. Embrace it even if people around you will have to adjust to your new you.
by Anonymous | reply 26 | October 31, 2020 3:44 PM |
I can't remember what age. Lately though, I have been thinking about what the next few years will be like and if it's possible to feel happy or at least not as miserable. I'm in my mid 50's and I see guys my age dropping like flies....some due to sickness but a lot of " non suspicious" deaths.
by Anonymous | reply 27 | October 31, 2020 3:57 PM |
Thirty-two. After 15 years of trying and seeing that nothing I did worked for me, I just gave up.
by Anonymous | reply 28 | October 31, 2020 4:30 PM |
^^^I'm 47 now.
by Anonymous | reply 29 | October 31, 2020 4:30 PM |
I finally made it into my dream job about two years ago and discovered I absolutely hated it. After years of effort trying to break in. Now for the first time since I was in college I have no idea what I want to do with myself. My current job pays the bills and I don't dislike it at all. But I have no passion for it, or any career goals really. I hope I'm not this bored for the rest of my working life but also don't have any motivation to go for anything else.
by Anonymous | reply 30 | October 31, 2020 4:35 PM |
R30 - work is not the source of happiness - it's a means. If you don't dislike it at all, you're way ahead of most people. Develop your relationships - that's the key to happiness according to every study.
by Anonymous | reply 31 | November 1, 2020 5:01 AM |
Agree R31. My lesson in life has been that the myth that work brings happiness is a capitalist tool. All the happiness and deep meaning and fulfillment in my life has come from things other than work. All my unhappiness and anxiety has come from work. My dream became to save enough to retire early. Now having accomplished that, I am living my dream and am happier than I could ever have imagined.
by Anonymous | reply 32 | November 1, 2020 2:40 PM |
R12, it's true that work doesn't bring a lot of happy days, unless you are very lucky.
But work makes up a big part of our happiness or lack thereof. Of course an abusive work environment drains all the joy out of existence, and no job is actively enjoyable all day long. But even if your job isn't fun it may bring happiness in the form of pride in a job well-done or self-esteem, or a feeling of contributing to society or future generations. I mean I work in healthcare and I'm in the middle of a fucking pandemic, which is a nightmare in the short term, but at the end of this... there's tremendous pride in knowing I stepped up and did my bit in a crisis.
And just to clarify, by "job" I mean whatever is your life's work, and that's not necessarily paid work. Raising a family is the #1 job for a lot of people, for others their spouse or lovers are what really matters, or the unpaid work that most people dismiss as a "hobby" or study or whatever. The satisfaction in a worthwhile job well done brings a kind of happiness.
by Anonymous | reply 33 | November 4, 2020 6:07 PM |
you are young Op. go to the gym and go finf a boyfriend in eastern europe, asia or latin america. im 38 and this month im having buccal fat removal and neck lift, just to look better.
by Anonymous | reply 34 | November 4, 2020 6:13 PM |
Isn't 38 kind of young to have a neck lift? I didn't feel I needed one at that age. Not being snarky but really interested, a lot of drinking and partying, genetics? Now years later I could use one.
by Anonymous | reply 35 | November 4, 2020 6:16 PM |
Life really gets better as you get older . You don’t worry about the small crap anymore. You are financially more settled. You are more assured of your own beliefs.
If you haven’t found love yet, you have to stop doing what hasn’t been working and reevaluate. If you’re looking for love on Grindr, stop
by Anonymous | reply 36 | November 4, 2020 6:31 PM |
I’m 63 and still holding onto my dreams. Why give up?
by Anonymous | reply 37 | November 4, 2020 6:31 PM |
I made it to 50. I just turned 50 this year and I’ve finally given up also. There’s actually a bit of peace in giving up on my dreams. It gets exhausting to care about anything or anyone anymore.
by Anonymous | reply 38 | November 4, 2020 6:36 PM |
I'm not sure, OP. But I'm pretty sure it was by the time I turned 50, five years ago.
My life seemed to hit a wall when I turned 40, but I kept hope alive until sometime in my late 40s I think. ut it's been long gone now.
So yeah. Now I'm just marking time until I die.
by Anonymous | reply 39 | November 4, 2020 6:51 PM |
40. I struggled all my life with parents who enjoyed emotionally traumatizing their children(the only love in the house was my parents for themselves) pretty much causing me to be what was called at the time socially retarded. Had few friends and fewer relationships and at 40 I was exhausted by trying to keep my head above water. So I let go.
by Anonymous | reply 40 | November 4, 2020 9:13 PM |
R8 were you a man when you found love with a woman at age 56?
by Anonymous | reply 41 | November 4, 2020 9:16 PM |
Can I have your stuff?
by Anonymous | reply 42 | November 4, 2020 9:33 PM |
I'm 51. I'm giving up, too. I have been told by many people that I'm a talented and gifted editor who elevates the stuff I work on. But it's been 23 years and I've never made enough money to buy a house or even travel (student loan debt). Instead, I'm stuck working on porn films where I get to see women doing shit they should never do and men spitting, slapping and forcing giant dicks into their assholes. It has warped me and made me an angry person. I was always the person who would treat others with kindness, who cries at the drop of the hat. I'm still that person sort of, but I'm jaded as fuck. The job is literally killing my soul. And I've tried for 23 year to get out. Yeah, I'm the best porn editor out there and I'm in the AVN Hall of Fame, but up until two years ago, I was making $60 grand a year and barely surviving in Los Angeles. Meanwhile, I meet editors fresh out of film school who work in mainstream making $3500 a week. I'm done. I don't know what else I can do at this point except die. I will never be able to buy a house or retire. I haven't had sex in over 6 years because I'm fat again after losing 80 lbs and I don't even feel like looking for a partner because I've had 4 long term relationships that didn't work out so what is the point? I want to write, but every time I start writing I know it's a pipe dream and at 51 I am a has been. I don't even dream of love anymore and I used to. Last night I was seriously questioning why I'm still here at all. Depression is a bitch that will kill you if you let it.
by Anonymous | reply 43 | November 4, 2020 9:47 PM |
Pornchick, I'm really sad to hear that. You're one of the good ones, you deserve better from life and you know it.
by Anonymous | reply 44 | November 4, 2020 9:51 PM |
There aren't too many posters here who make DL seem real and human but Pornchick is surely one of them.
Probably a dumb question but can you make a lateral move away from porn into something else related to film but less soul killing?
by Anonymous | reply 45 | November 4, 2020 10:35 PM |
12 yrs old
by Anonymous | reply 46 | November 4, 2020 11:34 PM |
This year at age 54. Covid has ruined my business and at my age getting a job in my field is very hard. My 82 year old mother is helping me out, and I am thankful for that. But she can no longer help me.
by Anonymous | reply 47 | November 4, 2020 11:56 PM |
r35 no, it is not, Im having ellevate neck lift, which is a very minimum non surgical procedure and it defines your jawline.
by Anonymous | reply 48 | November 5, 2020 12:07 AM |
Many suicides over the years here at DL. Don’t become one. Try and find a reason to get up every morning.
by Anonymous | reply 49 | November 5, 2020 1:27 AM |
R49, nah. There's no reason to drag this out longer than necessary. I'll be taking the exit ramp before I turn 60 I'm sure.
by Anonymous | reply 50 | November 5, 2020 1:30 AM |
R50 - how old are you now!
by Anonymous | reply 51 | November 5, 2020 1:32 AM |
this link is for pornchick (and anyone else)
by Anonymous | reply 52 | November 5, 2020 1:38 AM |
R43 - I love your story Pornchick. Best thing I’ve read all week.
by Anonymous | reply 53 | November 5, 2020 1:41 AM |
Never give up on your dream, Iv seen people at 80 who are still exited about life. Their dreams are more short term however, like moving somewhere different, learning a new skill, exploring new places they have never seen.
Can you be a Hollywood movie start? Nope, 0.001% chance of that happening. But can you live a long happy life with more realistic dreams? Absolutely.
Damn it, I was going to be snarky and it just came out all wrong and positive. Oh well.
by Anonymous | reply 54 | November 5, 2020 1:50 AM |
[quote]Iv seen people at 80 who are still exited about life.
Well great for them. I'm not one of them.
by Anonymous | reply 55 | November 5, 2020 1:57 AM |
R55 sounds like a lot of fun at parties.
by Anonymous | reply 56 | November 5, 2020 2:00 AM |
OP, I am also 41, and I admit that there are days I feel really depressed and anxious about the future. Mid-life is a strange place to be. Especially, when you don’t have children or fit into cookie cutter society. Many of my (straight) friends and family are living a totally different existence than I am. I have a husband and financial stability, but in a weird way I feel like there are a lot of things I am still trying to figure out and learn about myself. I haven’t given up on dreams or goals, I think I’ve just gotten more pragmatic about them.
by Anonymous | reply 57 | November 5, 2020 2:23 AM |
R57 - please acknowledge that you’re privileged to have a partner and money. So many of our brothers are not in your space. Admit you sounded elite please.
by Anonymous | reply 58 | November 5, 2020 2:30 AM |
R58 - sharing with other DLers that I am married and financially stable is hardly “elitist”. My husband and I have worked hard and fought our way through some tough times. You just sound salty.
by Anonymous | reply 59 | November 5, 2020 2:42 AM |
R49: this might be a stupid question but how do you know there have been lots of suicides over the years amongst DLers? Newish here but everyone seems to post anonymously so I’m guessing your statement can’t be from certain DLers just suddenly disappearing and never posting again. Are people announcing it before doing it?
by Anonymous | reply 60 | November 5, 2020 2:54 AM |
OK, you guys are awesome. Thank you. R52, that is a great thing to read!
I guess I'm just trying to hang in here, like everyone else...while playing, "Is it Poop?" while editing anal sex scenes.
by Anonymous | reply 61 | November 5, 2020 3:22 AM |
Pornchick, please don't go! I've appreciated your viewpoint here for several years. You are one of my favorite posters. It is never too late to try. Try. And don't let your weight hold you back (no pun intended) from seeking romance. I found the love of my life at age 46 and I was more than a little overweight. Wish I still lived in LA; love to meet you.
by Anonymous | reply 62 | November 5, 2020 3:50 PM |
R59 - And you sir, sound like a royal cunt. Now get the fuck outta here with your elitist humble bragging bullshit. There are many people with real problems out here.
by Anonymous | reply 63 | November 5, 2020 3:55 PM |
I would have to think that Pornchick would have a huge amount of interesting stories and insider information that may be interesting in novel or some other form.
The trick is to do it without alienating people in the industry - you don't want to write a book and then never get another job.
Pornchick - have you thought of working with a ghost writer of some kind to flesh out a book or a series? You don't have to write it yourself.
Or are there some skills and ideas that other people would find useful in editing? I can't think that 23 years of working in that industry hasn't supplied some unique and interesting info that others wouldn't want to know about.
It's not like you've worked as an accountant. Or maybe you could do a collective of stories among others who work in the industry - what the supporting staff do and how they get through it and some of their fun stories.
Hell, it could even be a NetFlix series. Definitely something for cable. You have your newbies, those who are just getting a paycheck, others who are burned out. There are the different production companies, diff types of porn, the change to online.
Throw in a few gratuitous boob shots and bare butts, and bam - you've got yourself a show. It doesn't have to be 'tragic' like Boogie Nights - but well rounded. There are a ton of storylines that could be made.
by Anonymous | reply 64 | November 5, 2020 4:00 PM |
Thank you r52 for sharing, much appreciated.
Lots of 💜 to pornchick too. We may be a bunch of bitter, jaded cunts but we also have the capacity for kindness.
by Anonymous | reply 65 | November 5, 2020 4:03 PM |
58 or 59. I know it was shortly before I hit 60.
by Anonymous | reply 66 | November 5, 2020 4:44 PM |
[quote]I’m just subsisting now and waiting for death.
Oh, ok. Good luck. Can I have your stuff?
by Anonymous | reply 67 | November 5, 2020 4:47 PM |
R64, I have started a script for a series based on my experiences. I think there would be interest in it. The hard part is finding the time to write after spending 40 hrs + per week watching porn...lol.
by Anonymous | reply 68 | November 5, 2020 10:05 PM |
Do you really want the stuff of somebody who is subsisting and waiting for death? Probably lives in Section 8 housing with a Toshiba box TV, empty prescription bottles, old dishes and piles of old newspapers and magazines from many years ago everywhere. The landlord is waiting for him to die too to gut the place put in new fixtures and charge an outrageous rent for a tiny space.
by Anonymous | reply 69 | November 5, 2020 10:07 PM |
Every day I grapple with whether or not to give up. There’s a few seconds of most days when I fantasise about it.
Unlike most other posters, I’m 27. It’s a weird space to be in. I never had a career or a relationship or assets to lose, either, like most posters here, only a sense of identity and autonomy. All my dreams seem to have slipped quietly away from me while I was lost in a fugue and trying to stay afloat.
I feel lucky to have my basic physical health and a level of comfortable safety in which to live; beyond that, I find life terrifying to think about and deal with as well as unsatisfying and isolated. I think the combination of long term hormonal/cortisol stress, depression, agoraphobia, and untreated ASD have led me to this very lonely and aimless place.
Perhaps I should be more scared and desperate than I feel. It’s like being so hopeless and panicked that you just paralyse and check out, instead.
As a little kid I wanted to write plays & films, and direct, and act, and perform, and do puppetry, and play instruments, and recite poems. I don’t know what happened.
by Anonymous | reply 70 | November 5, 2020 10:37 PM |
R70 - that makes me sad for you. At 27, I was in amazing physical shape, and traveling the world getting laid in Greece, Spain, and Austria. I was also very superficial and pro not as smart as you, but goddam those amazing memories!!
by Anonymous | reply 71 | November 5, 2020 10:41 PM |
R71 I’m happy for your experiences, and I’m sure you do your intelligence a disservice.
Thank you for your kind reassurance, too. That said, I’m not sure how I feel about being pitied; it’s upsetting and I wish it weren’t so, but once you’ve been to therapy and been on medication and tried all the crazy lifestyle changes with no result, then what can you do but throw your hands up?
Admittedly I’m extremely envious of people my age or younger who have thriving careers in the Arts, or their own beautiful homes they own abroad or free from family of origin, or active enjoyable exciting sex lives with partners to whom they connect; yet, to me these have always felt like potential human experience far removed from the possibilities of mine. If I had these, I don’t think I’d know what to do with them. I’m worried that, by now, I seem to have been conditioned and socialised out of being able to have a life of the kind I dream, but no one with whom I share this feeling seems to understand it.
by Anonymous | reply 72 | November 5, 2020 11:21 PM |
R72 - I’m sure you’re going to be just fine. You are intelligent, thoughtful, and well-spoken; you’re a true “catch.”
by Anonymous | reply 73 | November 5, 2020 11:28 PM |
R71 it sounds as if you were incredibly energetic and attractive. Unhappily those are gifts not everyone has.
by Anonymous | reply 74 | November 6, 2020 12:37 AM |
R70, it's very common for people in young adulthood to have a period of difficulty, sometimes a very serious one, I myself went through major depression in my twenties. Trying to find a place in modern adulthood is a huge challenge and almost everyone feels they're falling short, especially if they compare their real lives to the bullshit they see on social media.
Keep trying, do your damndest to work and be useful to yourself and others, while you try to figure out what you want and what you have to do to get it. You have to have experiences to know yourself and find your path, put down your phone and fake a life until you develop one for real.
by Anonymous | reply 75 | November 6, 2020 9:05 AM |