Ok, this was probably inevitable: Let's be an episode of THE BRADY BUNCH 1969-1974

I'm the wig.

I’m the lisp.

This thread will reach 500

I'm Johnny Bravo.

I’m Peter’s tight ass, driving Mike to distraction.

I’m the tiki.

I'm Buddy Hinton. Mrs. Brady took my virginity.

I'm the football that wrecked Marcia's nose.

I'm the missing Fluffy the cat from the pilot episode. You will never see me again after it.

I think Tiger might have eaten me.

I'm Marsha's acne.

I'm George Glass.

I'm Jan's glasses, which make her look positively GOOFY!

I’m Bobby’s hero worship of Jesse James.

I'm Carol's groovy shag and Mike's perm and leisure suit.

I'm the intellectual stimulation Marcia looks forward to with people of her own mature growth in high school--so unlike those children in junior high!

I’m the attic/bachelor pad.

The movies were funny as hell.

I'm Nora Coombs, who actually got the highest essay score.

"I didn't win! NORA COOMBS won!"

I’m pork chopsh and appleshosh.

I’m the silver platter.

I’m the one bathroom for six people with no place to masturbate in private.

I'm Kay.

That was Alice. I'm Kay.

I'm the astroturf.

I'm the volcano science experiment which Generation X kids duplicated in science fairs across the country without even being able to explain what was scientifically happening.

I’m the Kaplutians.

I'm that tacky horse sculpture by the stairs

I'm Greg's cigarettes (Oops - Tommy Johnson's cigarettes).

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

I'm Davy Jones.

I'm Desi Arnaz, Jr.

I'm the Grand Canyon.

I'm Linda.

I'm... *sting chord* ...[italic]TABU![/italic]

I'm the sexual symbolism obvious to anyone of Peter's volcano violently spewing goo all over the Boosters, the most popular girls at Marcia's high school, as they shriek in disgust.

I’m Kings Island when I was shiny and new.

I'm the potato sacks neatly folded in the garage waiting for the next big race.

I’m Linda from Seattle.

I'm Sam the butcher, slipping my meat to Alice.

I'm the three lovable adopted sons of different races belonging to the Bradys' neighbor Ken Berry in the failed spinoff-pilot-within-the-show. You will never see us again after our one appearance.

I'm a Sunshine Day.

I'm Beebe Gallini's favorite color: pink!

I'm a sunny-tinted prairie dress!

We're Christine Taylor and Jennifer Elise Cox. We played Marcia and Jan Brady so much better than Maureen McCormick and Eve Plumb.

When Mike had to “stay at the office” but we really was at the bath house sucking guys off....

He*

I'm the additional screen time Jean Smart should of had but didn't get.

[quote]I'm the additional screen time Jean Smart should of had

Oh, dear.

I’m the itching powder to boys put in the girls’ sleeping bags during the slumber party.

R47, I make no apologies for bad grammar or misspelled words unless I see them and post a correction.

Get back to your solo, naked reenactment of Miss Saigon and stop masturbating to my posts and good looks. Someone like you wouldn't have a chance with someone like me.

I'm Molly Webber.

It doesn't matter how I got here. The point is that I've arrived.

Jan's inner voice: "She has every right to be mad; they are her socks. But why does Marcia get all the socks? Why does Marcia get all the trophies? Why does Marcia get all the good drawers? [out loud] Yeah, why does Marcia get everything? Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!"

I'm the Yogi Bear poster mixed up with Mike's blueprints.

[quote]I'm the additional screen time Jean Smart should of had but didn't get.

She wasn't in the television show.

Moron.

As usual the original topic has evolved into the movies R53. No need to be rude to R46.

I’m cousin Myrna. Pronounced “Meerna”. I’m a wacky choreographer (I think).

Are you new here R54?

I'm the extremely white and historically inaccurate pilgrim pageant.

Actually no R56. Since 1995. I'm just being nice tonight.

R53, calling someone a moron over Brady Bunch trivia says more about you than me.

I'm glad I don't have extensive knowledge about The Brady Bunch. You might want to think twice about flaunting yours.

[quote]Actually no [R56]. Since 1995. I'm just being nice tonight.

Well, come over here so I can slap you.

[quote]I'm glad I don't have extensive knowledge about The Brady Bunch.

I'd be astonished if you had extensive knowledge about any subject. Now, run along, I hear your mother asking for her nightly foot pumice. You don't want to be late.

[quote] No need to be rude to [R46].

R54, I gave a shout out to Jean Smart and posted an image.

Jean Smart and Michael McKean were hilarious as the Dittmeyers.

I'm r49's embarrassingly childish tantrum.

I'm Mike's "exact words". And Greg's.

[quote] I'm [R49]'s embarrassingly childish tantrum.

I'm R49 and have zero fucks to give.

[quote][R54], I gave a shout out to Jean Smart and posted an image

And were this a Designing Women thread, it would fit in, even though she is playing another character.

I'm Raquel the goat. I just shit on Greg's bed

I'm the inaugural issue of Trick Magazine (1972) that Mike's ex-boyfriend subscribed to in his name and had delivered to the Brady house because he was pissed off at him after their break up.

I'm Mike's thoughtful architectural touch of putting Alice's bedroom off the kitchen and through the laundry room. She must be reminded of her place at all times.

I'm the red light that turned Cindy into a zombie

[quote] And were this a Designing Women thread, it would fit in, even though she is playing another character.

R67 Now you're upset about Jean Smart. You should have referenced Fargo. You've got no game. At all.

Girls, girls, girls. You sound as vicious as Jan and Cindy attacking Marcia.

Let's remember we're a family. And families come together. Because in the end, family is what matters. Family is ALL that matters. Without family, where would we be?

I'm aunt Jenny. I'm the one Jan treated like shit because she was afraid she'll grow up and look like me.

R71, I’m Baton Rouge. Baton Rouge!

[quote]I'm aunt Jenny. I'm the one Jan treated like shit because she was afraid she'll grow up and look like me.

I'm the original Aunt Jenny. I hawked Spry vegetable shortening for years and had my own radio show, "Aunt Jenny's Real Life Stories."

I’m the Bellfield’s clothing optional swimming pool.

I’m the braids Cindy wore once she was no longer cute,

I'm one of the three cards that refuse to go down, as Greg topples the Brady's house of cards, losing the contest for the boys. Mr. Brady keeps trying to push us down, but we just keep popping back up, as the scene fades into the next shot. Checker Trading Stamps is going out of business! Sewing machine or rowboat? The girls win and bring him a TV for THE WHOLE FAMILY.

I'm a toilet, and you can't find me anywhere in the Brady house. Where do these people shit? Besides all over Jan, I mean.

Thee you on the thee-thaw, Thindy!

I'm Fake Jan, and I appear on the Brady Bunch Variety Hour because Eve Plumb is an insufferable cunt and thinks she's too good for this show. Like her shit doesn't stink? Die bitter, Eve. You reached your peak at 12.

I'm the drafting table in Mike's study that he spent so much time at.

I'm theven thilver thwans thwimming thilently theaward.

I'm the ghost in the attic and I'm burning up, I need air, let me out

I'm the pussy Sam never gets with His cheap slices of meat .

I'm Johnny Bravo. The suit fit. Now, I'm just looking for a place to hang my beads.

Did anyone actually use that expression that in real life?

I'm Fillmore Jr. High.

I am the infamous Variety Hour series. I got sidelined and kicked out for The Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew.

Everyone talks about Fake Jan. I'm Fake Marcia from "The Bradys."

I’m the strawberries. And we DON’T give off a scent when you cook us.

I’m the hot dog, hidden with the beans, in the flashlight.

I'm the framed photo hidden in the garage that Jan breaks because the dork wasn't wearing her glasses.

I'm a third of the Von Trapp kids from the Sound of Music guest starring.

I'm the beans in Jimmy Pocaya's flashlight. I'm also the cancer he gets ten years later.

I'm the adorable Robbie Rist and I'm going to save this failing show. Everyone will love me!

Robbie Rist looks like a young Richard Dreyfuss.

I am Alice's even dykier sister who nobody puts in her place and all do morning exercises when she fills in for Alice

[quote]I’m the one bathroom for six people with no place to masturbate in private.

Masturbate in private? Why?

I’m the orange countertops.

I'm the flurry of angry memos sparked by a simple stage direction.

I’m Molly, and I’m aspirational to DL.

I'm the sexy Patrick Adiarte who could play teenagers well into his 30's. I got "The Brady Bunch" gig after several movie versions of sappy Rodgers and Hammerstein musicals and dancing on teen music shows.

I'm Christopher Knight, the first of the Brady regulars to go into soap acting. I really needed to step up my game when they cast me as the stepson of the formidable Constance Ford. Unfortunately, I didn't even make it to a full year on the show. Barry Williams later had a guest appearance as a shyster dance instructor on "General Hospital", and Robert Reed attempted to fill in the shoes of Peter Haskell and Joe Lambie on "Search For Tomorrow", but didn't last more than a few months. Maureen McCormick and Eve Plumb also did soap guest appearances, but I still hold the record for the longest stint a Brady actor ever to be on a soap.

Maybe they would have kept me if I walked around in my tighty whities after causing Ada's washing machine to overflow....

I'm Greg's and Peter's, and Mike's, cum gutters. You never see us but you know we are there.

We're the dried stiff tube socks caked in cum in the shared kids' bathroom. The girls titter about us. Jan sniffs deeply now and then, searching for some leverage, any power, to use over her brothers. Maybe the cum will smell like spam, or egg salad. Something.

[quoute]I'm Fillmore Jr. High.

You mean F-F ... F-I-L ... L-L ... L-M-O ....O-O ... O-R-E Filmore Junior High

I am the strange artwork on the walls of the den. I look like resin with keys and coins stuck in it. This was a 1970s fad. Scroll down on the link for this and other info on the art collection of the Bradys.

I'm THE BEARS!

Who's gonna win?

THE BEARS!

Say it again!

THE BEARS!

Yay team!

Did she grow up to be a hooker, R108?

I’m the cigarette’s that fell out of not Greg’s jacket.

Who on earth ever though Robbie Rist was cute? I can't stand that damn haircut that nearly every aspiring child actor has even today. Someone here once called it the "Hollywood Bowl".

We're Grandpa Henry Brady and Grandma Connie Hutchins. When we decide to get married, it adds an entire new wacky incest element to the series.

I'm Millicent. Bobby kissed me so fast I could not warn him I had mumps. I later go blind after seeing Half Pint pleasuring herself.

I'm the pants that Grandpa Henry sometimes forgot to put on underneath his judge's robe.

I'm Dr. Porter and I give all day suckers.

[quote]You've got no game. At all.

A shitload of W&Ws from several posts on this thread alone, says otherwise.

Kisses, doll.

I'm Dr. Cameron, wondering why Mike wants me to take his temperature rectally.

I'm Cousin Oliver.

Where'd everybody go?

I'm the Good Ship Lollipop.

I'm the blinking skull in the fridge and the load in Alice's granny panties when she found it.

I'm the weird way Marsha pronounces "school"

I'm Joe Namath's underwear, which Robert Reed is desperately trying to surreptitiously retrieve from the guest star dressing room, but those goddamn brats keep following him around.

I'm grifter Mark Mallard.

I'm Marcia's dirty, disgusting cheek. She never washed me after Desi Jr. kissed me. Or was it Davy Jones?

I'm Mrs. Whitfield, forced to sit through that cheesy production of "Snow White and the Seven Dwarves," so I can get a lousy $200 form retirement.

I'm Fluffy. I'm not the only pussy to disappear after the pilot episode.

I'm all the young showqueens squealing when Marcia announces that she's singing "Together Wherever We Go" and says, "It's from the musical 'Gypsy'."

I’m “Sure Jan.” I can’t believe I’m not already taken.

I'm Pandora, the cat. I get trapped in an old abandoned house, and Bobby climbs in to save me from the fireplace. I dump soot and ash all over him as I jump down from the flue. Bobby floods the laundry room with suds when he tries to wash his suit. I was so embarrassed for Mike Lookinland when he appeared in his underwear on TV!

Was that swimming in the nude thing for real?

I'm Cousin Oliver being asked by Uncle Mike if I like gladiator movies.

I'm Sandra Gould. Gladys may be gone, but I'm still playing her, even when playing a character named Mrs. Gould.

I'm the raging hardon Mike has when he puts his Roman centurion costume on for the big party.

I'm Jennifer Runyon. Since you mentioned fake Marcia and fake Jan, I demand to be included! I was fake Cindy in "A Very Brady Christmas."

I’m the dead spouses from the first marriages of Mike and Carol. No one ever speaks of us.

alice loved jan

R134 didn't understand the assignment.

r135, not true. I spoke of you mom in the first episode.

then I was forbidden from ever mentioning you again.

R130, yes, it was. I remember the scene but because it ended up being deleted from syndicated episodes many people have never seen it.

I'm Carol's mangled Cleopatra earring in the washing machine.

It was Southern California in the early 70's.

I'd have been surprised if the doctor with the pool who lived down the street WASN'T a proponent of swimming nude.

[quote]I'm Jennifer Runyon. Since you mentioned fake Marcia and fake Jan, I demand to be included! I was fake Cindy in "A Very Brady Christmas."

Interestingly, Jennifer Runyon and Christopher Knight played on-screen lovers when they were both on Another World in 1981.

r137, see r90.

We’re Marcia’s ponytail holders that she unceremoniously left in her top bedroom drawer and never took out again for a breath of fresh air after the first1969-70 season, and we feel unloved.

I'm Greg's "Johnyy Bravo" singing career that never came to be.

I'm Davy Jones of the Monkees. I can't believe I agreed to a cameo on this show. But those Brady lads were cute!

I’m Marcia’s trophys and awards that Jan threw in the closet.

I'm Colonel Dick Whitfield.

I'm the tension you can cut with a knife after forgetting mom's rule, "Don't play ball in the house!"

I'm Millicent, Bobby's first kiss. But wait, I may have the mumps so Bobby may have caught it! Phew! after several agonizing days for Bobby, it turns out I didn't have them, so we can kiss again! Next up, Mary Ingalls, where I eventually go blind.

R129, I loved seeing Bobby in his underwear! (When I was also a child, of course—no need for alarm.)

I'm R150. Sorry R113, you got to it first. I'll have to think of another one.

Keep an eye on the Used Letter Board, r150.

I'm Greg's UFO whistle. I'm also the bandage on his shaving nick.

I'm Alice's bedroom. Do I have a window? Do I smell like onions and vagina?

For R6

I’m Tiger the Brady dog who disappeared into thin air. 156 replies and no one has mentioned me? Wtf?

"Goodnight, Mr. Brady!" "Goodnight Mrs Brady!"

I'm the corny, cutesy phrases Mike and Carol used as code for "Let's fuck each other once we've turned these 60s bedside table lamps off."

No one was fooled.

I'm Dr. Vogel, Marcia's dentist. She had a crush on me.

I'm the fake outside window to make you think the house has two stories.

I’m the pay phone installed in the family room to teach the kids a lesson on phone expenses. Generation Z laughs at the archaic reference.

I'm the big man on campus Marcia has a date with but cancels when he sees her flattened nose.

I’m the strange sack races the Bradys tend to do.

I’m the tonsils that Thindy and Carol had taken out simultaneously.

I'm the phrase "Something suddenly came up" that Greg used and then learned a karmic lesson about in one of the episodes.

Just like a good Brady would.

Oh wait, that was Marcia not Greg.

Whoops!

I'm the umbrella that Bobby stupidly brought and opened up on the date he forced Greg to take him on.

I get stuck in the sun roof and hilarity ensues.

I'm the AstroTurf back yard.

I'm the groovy '60s fashions.

R169 this episode was in the early 70s

Then I'm the groovy '60s and '70s fashions.

I'm Harvey Klinger. I'm a bug-chaser.

I'm the dope Barry Williams is stoned on in this scene of the 1973 episode "Law and Disorder".

I'm Myron, the white mouse. With some help from Jan and an assist by Alice, I was able to fake my death and take it on the lam to escape the Bradys. Unfortunately, I didn't run far enough because Tiger found me hiding out in his dog house.

I'm Carol's pixie cut with flips, a style that attempted to bridge the 1970s with the 1960s but still somehow failed to sweep the nation.

I’m the stereo that Alice won in a contest and decides to keep it in the family room so that the whole family can enjoy it.

I’m Marcia Wallace who played the saleswoman who sold the wig to Jan, who wanted a wig like my wig (It was my real hair!)

I'm the Crisco and I'm not in the cupboard. "Sam, send another can of Crisco, with the pork shops and roast beef."

I’m Doug Simpson.

I would be Doug Simpson's lips, but I don't exist. I'm Doug Simpson's UCLA diploma earned a few years back. Doug is 26 and shouldn't be dating HS girls.

R25 I’m the shark jumped by Sherwood Schwartz.

I'm the stairway that takes up jalf the house, even though Mike was supposedly an architect.

half

I'm the elaborate/borderline ridiculous looking wrapped Christmas presents.

I'm Cindy's doll Kitty Karry-All.

Kitty Karry-All was no Mrs. Beasley.

When I watched this show as a kid, I didn't think Carol's pixie cut with flips at R175 was really a chosen hairstyle, but rather just Florence Henderson's attempt to grow out her pixie cut.

I’m the cake that says Better Luck Next Year, in case we lost.

I’m Vincent Price

I'm a tarantula.

I’m the eye roll given by everyone in the house while Bobby “plays” the drums

I’m Alice’s stunt double on the trampoline, doing her or his best to keep my face turned AWAY from the camera! Greg is so distracted by me that he calls Jan “Eve.”

I'm the Longfellow-loving Mrs. Tuttle who runs the high school talent show and who pronounces Marcia's first name as "MAR-see-ah."

I'm the humiliating maid's outfit Mr. and Mrs. Brady make Alice wear.

I'm the shot of everybody in the family riding a bike. When Alice (last AND least) comes by the camera, it is revealed that she is using training wheels.

I’m the briefcase Mike threw on the courtroom floor, saving the day for Carol, a woman driver.

Fake neck brace guy never stood a chance.

I'm Bobby's SS style armband he wore that week he was a cunty hall monitor.

I’m Jan’s period stained parties from an unaired very special episode.

I’m allegedly Christine Baranski

I'm Jim Backus, another Gilligan's Island/Sherwood Schwartz alum, hamming it up as a prospector in the Grand Canyon episode.

Mike, why is Kitty Karry-All's leg sticking out of your ass?

I'm the future bossy bottom in the neckerchief at :30 seconds.

[quote] Mike, why is Kitty Karry-All's leg sticking out of your ass?

Go deeper and you’ll find a Tabu, a kazoo and Tiger too.

I’m the locket that Jan lost that was sent to her by a secret admirer, another middle child.

I'm Greg's band, the Banana Convention, playing at a dance at Stephen Decatur High School.

It was kind of a kicky blast. The guys really had it together and wailed and bent the gig out of shape.

I am the nasty neighbor woman who comes storming over when the Bradys had a black child staying with them. Anyone else remember that episode? It made me feel sad.

I’m the wedding cake in the first episode. Tiger took me out.

I'm the writers who decided to take Tiger out.

I'm the exhausted washer and dryer.

I'm Mike's low sperm count, which prevented the series from turning into "Yours, Mine and Ours."

I’m Marcia Wallace, who also played Marcia’s teacher in the Davy Jones episode.

I'm Abbe Lane (no relation to Abbey Road.) I played Bebe Gallini. I was married to Xavier Cugat before that slut Charo. And I'm still kicking at 87.

R197 that was the episode in which Greg was high on dope ( R173 ). Good think Bobby know about it.

I'm Peter's changing voice.

[quote]I’m the locket that Jan lost that was sent to her by a secret admirer, another middle child.

I'm the broken key on the old lesbian's typewriter that helped Jan crack the mystery.

I'm one of the clowns who never laughed before.

And I'm one of the beanstalks that never grew.

I'm the Friday at 8 p.m. time slot.

I'm DL fave Joyce Bulifant, the first choice to play Carol Brady before Florence Henderson was cast.

I’m Harried and Hopeless.

I'm Dear Libby.

[quote]Fake neck brace guy never stood a chance.

Without searching IMDb, I'm pretty sure the neck brace guy was played by...Jackie Coogan!

Why would I recall this fifty years later?

[quote]Why would I recall this fifty years later?

It's a gift, R222. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. And, yes, it was Jackie Coogan. I remember also.

I'm the attic space (again). Nobody, including Mike the architect, thought to use me to alleviate bedroom crowding. Only when Greg was approximately 18 did somebody figure out that I could be used as an extra bedroom.

I'm Mike Brady, a douche bag in my spacious, downstairs den with drafting board. I have an office outside the home, but I need this den to use maybe 2 hours per week. Never mind that there are 6 kids sharing 2 bedrooms and 1 bathroom. I need my den space.

I'm the weed Barry Williams smoked before going to set to shoot that infamous scene.

I'm Mannix and Mission Impossible and The Brady House set is often seen.

I'm the show's theme song.

I'm the soda shop owner who didn't like retirement and came back and decided to fire not Jan, but Marcia (Marcia! Marcia!) because Jan was the harder worker.

I gave Jan HOPE that life was not always going to work Marcia's favor.

I showed Jan that hard work would sustain her and she wouldn't have to pray for things like a football to smash Marcia right in the nose for life to be good.

I’m Marcia’s hot Native American-looking boyfriend in the ice cream shop episode.

That's Billy Batson!

I'm Beebe Gallini's black tears.

We’re Patty’s Prancing Poodles — and you’d best BELIEVE we beat those mewling, lurching, lip-syncing Silver Platters LOSERS!

I'm the maid's outfit that Alice stole from Hazel.

At least she didn’t go around calling Mike Mr. B

I'm the nightmarish scene of Bobby's family being shot to death by Jesse James.

I'm Mr. Stoner.

I'm the wet dream Peter got after Bobby told him about his dream in which Joe Namath picked him up and carried him around.

[quote]I'm the nightmarish scene of Bobby's family being shot to death by Jesse James.

I'm the guy who guessed Jackie Coogan, and here again I instantly recalled that the old man telling Bobby the hair-raising story was played by Burt Mustin! He was on every 1970s tv show up until three months before he died.

His last job was on "Phyllis" as Mother Dexter's husband to be!

I didn't go to college because I lacked focus, or my head was already so cluttered it only seemed that way, lol.

I am the opening and closing shots where the cast members faces are all looking at one another.

I'm the yarn bows on the ponytails and braids.

In the late 1960s/early 1970s, stylish tween girls all seemed to have yarn bows to match their outfit of the day.

I'm the repetition in this thread.

I’m Marcia’s braces. I must’ve worked fast because I was only in one episode. I guess I needed Jan’s glasses’s agent.

Marcia’s braces, you think you had it bad?

I killed the whole series :(

I'm "Scoop" Brady!

I keep hearing the closing credits music & the “Paramount Climax” sound in my head while I read this thread.

I'm bobby learning how to jack off for the first time on top of my bunk bed

r245 We're the Peppermint Trolley Company. We sang the theme song in the first season. Later we got sidelined when some Paramount exec decided those bratty untalented kids should have a recording career.

R202 that's funny I had scarves like that when I was a boy in that era. Forgot about them!

I'm Hawai’i.

I'm Alice's hoo-haa, usually safe behind a pressed uniform and starched apron.

Sometimes, on a night out and after a couple vodka gimlets, Sam gets all in there and starts grunting about butchering my calves' liver.

I am Richie Cunningham’s mother and Dennis the Menace’s father, guest starring as a woman doctor and a man doctor, competing to see who gets to examine the measles-ridden Brady Bunch. (At the end of the episode, the doctors investigate the possibility of examining each other...)

I am the chalk board in the kitchen — and the photograph of the chalk board (taken by Bobby) revealing Alice’s lost cake recipe.

I am “What the hell does Carol Brady do all day long?” while Mike is at the office, the kids are in school, and Alice does ALL the work.

I am serious actress Marcia Brady starring in a school production of “Romeo and Juliet,” morphing into an insufferable Helen Lawson-like diva, and being replaced by a lesser actress because of my cunty behavior.

I'm the dangly bracelet that almost cost the girls the chance to trade in the trading stamps.

I’m bully Buddy Hinton, making fun of Cindy’s lisp. “Baby talk, baby talk! It’s a wonder you can walk!”

I am Haskell’s Ice Cream Parlor, where Marcia gets a job; where Marcia’s boyfriend brings another girl on a date and orders two Lover’s Delight sundaes; and where Jan sort of “All About Eves” her way to being the better employee and Marcia is fired.

I am also the wonderful title of this episode: “Marcia Gets Creamed”!

I’m the glued vase that starts to leak while we’re eating dinner.

I am BIG Man On Campus Doug Simpson (played by Nicholas Hammond aka Friedrich Von Trapp in “The Sound of Music”) – and I can attest that “…something definitely did [italic]suddenly come up[/italic]…” whenever Mike Brady was around.

I am Mike Brady (and the obscenely ENORMOUS bulge in his tighty-whities) as he lectures the boys about the facts of life, wearing only his Jockey shorts, back before the girls with hair of gold showed up, and they were four men living all together, yet they were all alone...

I am Pamelyn Ferdin, guest starring as Lucy Winters, hostess of the party to which the New Jan Brady wore THE infamous wig.

I'm the light in the loafers photographer that takes the children's portrait.

I'm Patty's Prancing Poodles.

I'm the fifth season declining ratings which Cousin Oliver was brought in to save.

I’m Cousin Oliver and I’m really Marcia’s son when she got knocked up by Davy Jones

I am the guest actress (Sherwood Schwartz’s remarkably untalented daughter, Hope “Sherwood”) playing Greg’s girlfriend Rachel. Bobby’s pet frog jumps on my head at the drive-in movie (and takes an amphibian dump in my red hair). Why wasn’t I nominated for an Emmy?

I am Alexander, the other side of Dawn. I had Mike Brady's credit card permanently on file.

(“Oh, [italic]Mike[/italic]!” – Carol B.)

We are The Partridge Family, and we are going to kill you all in your sleep.

No way, R265. I wore a rubber [italic]and[/italic] pulled out. It’s where they got the idea to call a future episode “Marcia Gets Creamed.”

I’m the tape recorder Peter used to spy on everyone and hears a set up from Greg and Marcia the queen of England.

I’m the stinker that Carol admonishes both Marcia and Greg about saying. She doesn’t like that word!

I'm Bobby's parakeet. I was wished into the cornfield with Fluffy and Aunt Jenny (who PROMISED Jan she'd be back), and we were never heard from again.

I am anyone who spells "Marcia" M-A-R-S-H-A. (Just look at the spelling of my name on my many awards and trophies, fucktards.)

I'm Jan's childhood lookalike, jetsetting Aunt Jenny.

R253, I am the phone that Carol has in her ear all day long, since neighbor Martha never stops talking.

Danger, Will Robinson and R272, danger!

I don't think any of the comments on this board are tres amusant...

(Doing film is better than television, right? Right? Anyone?)

[quote]I showed Jan that hard work would sustain her and she wouldn't have to pray for things like a football to smash Marcia right in the nose for life to be good.

That's not all Jan got showed.

[quote]—Shelley (I'm So Happy Kirstie Alley Got FAT) Long

Don't you have a Troop Beverly Hills Zoom reunion to something to go to?

R276, Please inform Dr. Smith that, no offense, but I'd rather hear from Will's sister Judy's "boyfriend" Major Don West ("Yummy!") or Will's father Professor John Robinson... They can get lost in my space anytime.

(“Oh, [italic]Mike[/italic]!” – Carol B.)

r269 I'm Marcia, freshly back from "Our Lady of Little Thought Home for Unwed Mothers and I put holes in the condoms.

Perhaps, R279, perhaps. And please note "Troop Beverly Hills" was FILM. (I used to have Bette Midler's phone number, until she changed it...)

Oh, fuck, R281, NOW you tell me... I guess it's time to stop being a daydream believer; now that I see it, that Oliver kid's hair does sort of look like mine. Although – we [italic]ALL[/italic] banged her… Dolenz! Nesmith! Get in here!

I'm the trigger warnings being in shown in Canada before each episode.

I'm the stolen playbook.

R284, Roy Rogers' horse appears in the Canadian episodes of "The Brady Bunch"? I'm confused.

R230 WHET Michael Gray?

R287, Watch the episode – he got [italic]creamed[/italic]… (Great 70s hair, though.)

[quote]And please note "Troop Beverly Hills" was FILM.

TBH was TRASH!

We're the customers in the diner where Alice goes to work in "Goodbye, Alice, Hello", getting more and more annoyed because she spends considerably more time waiting on a table of brats instead of us customers who had been waiting for our orders.

R289, How VERY dare you!

We're Ping and Pong the Pandas.

You won't see us until the Brady Kids animated series (available on DVD)

Our pseudo-Chinese gibberish would cause 2020 SJWs to literally implode!

I'm Vincent Price and I tied up the 3 Brady Boys with no problem. Hmmmm.....

Au contraire, R292, I'm Mike Brady, and I [italic]pinged[/italic] on the original series long before the animated Brady Kids appeared...

(“Oh, [italic]Mike[/italic]!” – Carol B.)

I’m Marge. Greg actually thought I was into him.

“Oh, [italic]Mike![/italic] Oh-Oh-OH, [italic]MIKE![/italic]”

I'm Peter. Watch my triceps distract Mike any time I wear short sleeves.

[quote]We're the customers in the diner where Alice goes to work in "Goodbye, Alice, Hello", getting more and more annoyed because she spends considerably more time waiting on a table of brats instead of us customers who had been waiting for our orders.

Were Flo and Vera involved?

I’m Marcia’s plain donut. She’s going to throw me up later anyway so Alice should have just given her what she ordered.

R295, Who the hell is Marge? (And would I like her? Would she be into me?)

Marge looks like she might have been down for some donut bumping. Time for a trip back to Cincinnati, Alice!

No, R298, But there [italic]is[/italic] a new girl in town – ME!

(“Oh, [italic]Mike[/italic]!” – Carol B.)

I’m Jan’s hair, the one thing about her that was superior to Marcia...

Thank you, R301, Now that's an amusement park ride I could really get on and straddle.

Kids, Kay will be taking over while I'm in Ohio.

R303, Sure, Jan.

Eve’s luscious tailbone-length locks really were superior to Maureen’s stringy, dishwater blonde strands.

R299, I peeked. There was NOTHING plain about Marcia's donut... She brushed her hair of gold down there as much as the hair on head.

[Jan's donut, however, looked positively goofy! And she didn't dye it that one time to match the wig.)

More than 300 posts and nobody said it? I'm Pussycat Alice!

R308, I don't get it... I get pussy, but I don't get the Pussycat Alice comment...

R303 & R306 = Eve Plumb

I’m Robert Reed, wishing I’d never given up my regular gig on “Mannix.” I wish I was back on “Mannix”… And when I say “…on Mannix,” I mean ON Mike Connors. He was a real hunk of man… 6’1”, wavy black hair, square jawline, broad shoulders, incredible pecs, hairy chest, treasure trail to die for, full bush, and that private dick had a dick like…

Oh, shit. Alice! You’ll have to launder this pair of shorts I’m wearing again.

Has Meryl called yet...? (I used to have Tom Hanks phone number, until he changed it.)

What kind of idiot loses her godamned precious locket by reaching for god knows what outside of her fucking bedroom window!? I know....

I am Nora Coombs. And I [italic]cheated[/italic]. So there.

(And I also fucked George Glass.}

I am the fake costume store mustache Peter wears in an attempt to look older on a double date with Greg and two slutty girls. We coincidentally are in the same pizza parlor where big spender Mike Brady decides to entertain his visiting Mexican business associate and his wife.

I'm the one hundred strokes each night before bed.

Speak for yourself, R316

I’m Mike, the architect who didn’t design a new house when his family doubled in size.

I'm Mike, the architect's penis that doubled in size whenever I went into the one bedroom with bunk beds and three boys that I DID design...

I'm Mike, propositioning Don Drysdale in the middle school parking lot. I got more out of it than just opening day tickets for Greg.

Your bat is HUGE, Don. Remind me, are you a catcher or a pitcher?

I'm Carol Brady, BEGGING Mike to invite Don Drysdale over to the house for dinner...

No, R31, [italic]I[/italic] am the Grand Canyon...

I'm Mike's untelevised special apology to Joe Namath.

I'm Mike Brady, asking Joe Namath if we can meet up and wear pantyhose together sometime...

Do you think they'll do a "Brady Bunch Movie 3"? Do you think? Will they? Anyone? (I used to have the guy who played Cliff on "Cheers" phone number, until he changed it.)

I am George Glass. Who the FUCK is Jan Brady?

And does anyone know how I can get in touch with Nora Coombs?

I'm Tim Matheson. Will someone please tell Shelley Long to stop calling me?

R225 See R173

I'm the Kartoon King. I used to be Otis the Drunk in Mayberry. Now I'm just a child molester on TV.

I'm the fag & hag like chemistry that oozes out of the scenes of Mike and Carol alone together.

I'm Karen Foulkes. You may remember me as Margie Ripple, who had a crush on Peter in the Jan's wig episode. But I also played MURIEL, who also had a crush on Peter, in the talents show episode. Talk about versatility!

I'm Arthur Owens, new kid at school, and Peter Brady's identical double. We fool everyone when we switch places.

(Everyone but Peter's Dad, Mike Brady, that is. He recognized immediately that my...uh, um, "tiki"... is much, much bigger than Peter's.)

I'm the globs of cum Cindy finds on the bathroom counter. She takes some in her hand to show Alice, and tattles saying, "One of the boys left shampoo all over the sink!"

I'm Alice, confused as hell about Cindy's discovery of gooey "shampoo" on the bathroom counter, because the crusty tube socks I retrieve from under the bunk beds every morning are loaded...

R334, Pork chops and applesauce, Alice?

I'm Helen Crump. No relevance to this thread, whatsoever. I just wandered in when I saw Otis the Drunk's name above. (Who, by the way, likes to wiggle his weenie at Aunt Bee and Opie; that's why he's in jail all the time, not because he's drunk, We're ALL drunk in Mayberry. What the hell else is there to do in Mayberry?) Oh, and while we’re gossiping – Thelma Lou is a [italic]big lez[/italic]. A BIG one. (But, Shhh! Barney doesn’t know.)

Anyway, I’m outta here. I’m looking for the fucking writer who decided to name me Helen [italic]Crump[/italic].

I'm Carol Brady, BEGGING Peter to invite Arthur Owens over to the house for dinner...

I'm Carol Brady, BEGGING Helen Crump to invite Andy over to the house for dinner...

PLEASE!

I'm Denise Nickerson. I guest starred in the Arthur Owens/Peter look-a-like episode as Pamela (wearing glasses), one of the girls lady killer Peter Brady double-booked a date with and tried to fool with identical Arthur. Hilarity ensued. I was also a ghost on "Dark Shadows" (I think I made Grayson Hall scream. For no reason; she just liked to scream.) And in the original "Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory," I was Violet Beauregarde – the OOmpa Loompas (they freaked me out!) rolled me after I became engorged and got big and turned purple!

R339, Greg, Peter, and Bobby B. here. That's funny! Speaking of engorged, getting big, and turning purple – in the clubhouse in the backyard, Dad liked to show us…

Boys! You're not going to tell [italic]that[/italic] story about a man named Brady... – Mike B.

Purple? In our backyard? Do you not know how badly that color will clash with the green of our "grass"?

– Carol Brady, BEGGING Mike to invite me into the clubhouse…

I’m Ken Berry. I know Helen Crump from Mayberry RFD, long before I did the failed pilot with the three racially diverse kids on the Brady Bunch. Too bad that show didn’t go – Brooke Bundy and I had to return the white, black, and yellow boys to the United Colors of Benetton Adoption Agency. Happy ending, though: I heard some well-known TV personality, the Kartoon King, ended up taking them in.

FYI, Helen’s right about Thelma Lou – carpet muncher, extraordinaire! And Howard Sprague? Into scat. And don’t even get me started on Goober…

Oh, hell. I gotta go. Here comes Naomi from “Mama’s Family.” Bubba and I are moving to Skaneateles Lake tonight. This will end in tears.

I’m the egg that Greg smashed trying to prove he’s a better driver than Marcia.

I'm the laugh track played during each episode.

I'm the repetition in this thread.

I'm the hair tonic that turns your hair orange.

The original script called for green, but Robert Reed convinced the writers that orange was more plausible before being written out of this episode. You can tell that's Carol's speech to Bobby were originally Mike's lines.

R345 see R241.

I’m the sliding door to the family room with no glass in it.

I didn’t exist outside the sliding door either

No, R241 & R345, [italic]I'm[/italic] the repetition in this thread.

I repeat, I'm the repetition in this thread.

If I remember correctly Peter is getting the attention of both chicks too.

What do you mean by attention, R351? Exact words, please.

I’m the judge in the episode where Jackie Coogan claims Carol backed into his car. I’m ALSO the judge in the That Girl episode where Carl Ballantine claims Ann hit him when she was driving Donald’s car.

Try to top THAT.

I'm the tracks this sad train of a thread derailed back in the double digits.

I'm R3's prediction: "This thread will reach 500."

R342: I’m [italic]Diff’rent Strokes[/italic] helping myself to that same basic concept along with some BB episode plots, pre-emptively forfeiting the right to throw shade at [italic]Webster[/italic], which just happened to have the same production company, network, and time slot as BB!

I'm the Frontier Scouts bukkake on Mike's face.

I’m Alice’s non existent drivers license.

I'm Athletic Model Guild porn Alice finds under a false bottom in one of those drawers in that bizarre sideboard of dozens tiny drawers, in the open dining room. I do not below to Mike.

I'm Athletic Model Guild porn Alice finds under a false bottom in one of those drawers in that bizarre sideboard of dozens tiny drawers, in the open dining room. I do not below to Mike.

I’m Carol’s smelly pussy that Mike won’t eat out.

It should look like a pink powder puff.

R96 Here is Robbie Rist today:

R363 You mean Robbie Limp Rist!

The Brady Bunch Characters, Ranked — Somewhat Brutally at Times:

R365, that was awful.

r365 That list is wrong. Jan deserved at least to be ahead of Bobby, Cindy, and Greg. Those three were annoying brats.

The thow wath a pieth of thit.

You stop that, Buddy Hinton.

I'm the chair in the hallway between the bedrooms. I have no idea why I'm here.

R370, how else am I going to get my lap dances?

I'm Kitty Karry-all. I have never understood my own name. What the hell am I carrying?

I’m the mailman that Alice hugged and tattle tale Thindy told Sam.

Your hollow rubber body is perfect for karrying drugs, Kitty / r372

I'm the line for the bathroom in the morning.

r375 = Miley

Cyrus?

Clowns never laugh before

I'm Mike reading Santa Claus to filth after promising Cindy her mother would get her voice back for Christmas.