Thinking of Marrying a Woman

Ahh good - we haven't had a new "I'm tired of gay men, I want to try being with a woman" thread around here for some time.

Honestly, the gay lifestyle just depresses me. I’d hate to wake up in my 50’s and be single, childless and alone.

I’m just not at all interested in gay men. At least with a woman I can have kids and raise a family.

Gay men aren't made for relationships, and the ones that are in relationships cheat.

See ya. Wouldn't wanna be ya.

[quote] I don’t love women either, but see a longer term relationship with a female as more viable than with a male.

Well, aren't you a treat? Who's the lucky lady who gets to be your bride?

How are you planning on procuring this female?

It’s your life and you’ve listed more reasons why you’d be happier not dating gay men. You admit to being attracted to bi/ straight, jock-type guys. But this attraction doesn’t translate into longterm relationship because you don’t like aspects of gay culture. So the default choice would be to marry and have children with a woman. The default choice may lead to resentment of being backed into a corner later on. Though you also admit to not being attracted to women. I think this is an important factor to suss out before you embark on a relationship with a woman. Unless you’re going to be honest with her from the very beginning, it will end in disaster.

My advice is to casually date women and make it upfront that you’re bisexual. You may be surprised that many women are receptive to the idea of dating bisexual men.

But I have a feeling that your attraction to men will not decrease but increase.

Our parents' marriage will be loveless, it will end in divorce and we will pay the price.

OP are you the one from Austin who started a thread a while ago complaining about these white straight jocks not giving you dick? If so then the problem is your personality and women won't be clamoring for your neurotic ass either.

You're looking for a lavender marriage, OP.

THERAPY! To use one of the DL standards: “this will only end in tears.” Seriously OP, figure your shit out before dragging others into it. I’d recommend starting with self-hatred. As someone else suggested, full disclosures with anyone you date. Good luck.

It’s not just about you, sweetie. Don’t ruin a woman’s life, and your future children’s lives when you realize your experiment didn’t work out.

As long as you are honest about it, and you do not harm the gay cause or the woman's life, I don't see any problem.

Go back and read that thread, R9. I mentioned that I get with tons of white dudes. I don’t want to date them though.

Do any of you gay guys in your 40’s and 50’s wish you had kids? You may not love or be attracted to women, but doesn’t it seem like something is missing without a family of your own? I’m genuinely curious and not trying to be offensive.

No, OP, it does not feel like anything is missing. Not every human needs to procreate.

No, never wanted kids or even thought of them. But go ahead, knock yourself out.

OP can do or be whatever he wants as long as that doesn’t involve deceiving or using his partner. Who cares, really?

But what I find interesting is that millennial intolerance I hear creeping into the tone of his posts. Like you are a loser unless you want what he wants. “Don’t you want what I want? What’s wrong with you?”

Don’t forget to label yourself as pansexual on your blog.

[quote] But what I find interesting is that millennial intolerance I hear creeping into the tone of his posts. Like you are a loser unless you want what he wants. “Don’t you want what I want? What’s wrong with you?”

That's not a millennial thing. All people who want children and family think this way. They think that single people's lives are empty and meaningless.

Maybe you actually are one, OP.

Most people - and this includes your future partner - want emotional fulfillment in life. Still, loveless marriages, like the one you’re pretty much proposing, are a dime a dozen.

It likely will end, while your kids are contemplating college, in an ugly, expensive divorce.

Knock yourself out.

You type extremely young and extremely stupid, OP.

You do realize that you have to put the pee pee in the vajayjay to make the baby, right?

No, you don't.

Almost 60, OP, have two grown daughters. I’ve been with the same guy 25 years.

Lavender marriages can be quite fulfilling. A gay and his lesbian I know are married and have two kids via ivf. They each have their other partners. There are all kinds of ways to live one's life today.

OP is doing a bit. He is Shawn Wayans' closeted character in Scary Movie who has his girlfriend put on football gear when they have sex and calls her Brandon.

R26 = Julie Andrews

It doesn't sound as if you want r'ship at all, OP. What about being a solo dad?

[quote] Lavender marriages can be quite fulfilling. A gay and his lesbian I know are married and have two kids via ivf. They each have their other partners.

So they are a foursome? What’s the point of the marriage then when they can just break off into two pairs?

No, thanks.

Speak for yourselves, R31

[quote]Do any of you gay guys in your 40’s and 50’s wish you had kids? You may not love or be attracted to women, but doesn’t it seem like something is missing without a family of your own?

No. Never, not for a moment.

Why are you asking a group of people you can’t relate to about this?

This is why gays hate bisexuals. Gay men are nothing but sexual objects. Totally fucked up and disrespectful. It's why the phrase "bi men will always marry women" is true. They only see women as suitable for romantic relationships. It's like it's impossible to love another man. They're fine for sex but nothing else. That is some serious homophobia. And it's sadly very prevalent among bi men.

R30. Yes, now they're a foursome with 2 kids. My friend wanted bio kids like OP and he wanted them to have a mother. Its a lively and happy house and those kids get a lot of attention

Their situation should be a sitcom.

0/10

[quote] Be upfront about everything.

That's a good start. Your honest proposal to the lucky woman should go something like, "Truthfully, I'm not all that attracted to you, but you'll make for good breeding stock." Wins them over every time.

[quote] This is why gays hate bisexuals. Gay men are nothing but sexual objects. Totally fucked up and disrespectful. It's why the phrase "bi men will always marry women" is true. They only see women as suitable for romantic relationships. It's like it's impossible to love another man. They're fine for sex but nothing else. That is some serious homophobia. And it's sadly very prevalent among bi men.

What are you going on about? No one has even brought up bi men, you nutcase. This thread is about gay men.

[quote] This is why gays hate bisexuals. Gay men are nothing but sexual objects. Totally fucked up and disrespectful. It's why the phrase "bi men will always marry women" is true. They only see women as suitable for romantic relationships. It's like it's impossible to love another man. They're fine for sex but nothing else. That is some serious homophobia. And it's sadly very prevalent among bi men.

What are you going on about? No one has even brought up bi men, you nutcase. This thread is about gay men.

Sex is an important part of marriage. I think if you aren’t physically attracted to women, you shouldn’t marry one. There are gay men who want children. You can find someone who wants the lifestyle you want if you look.

OP, I'd rather be gay, alone and childless than be you with that mess you have in your head.

I know exactly how you feel, OP. In high school I was banging men and women. I hate the gay crap. I like sports, etc.

Ended up marrying a guy who was also prevously married to a woman. We have kids and have been together 25 years.

You are not alone. We are out there. Go find another one for yourself.

Black Millennial - are your parents OK with you being gay? Did they shame you?

It's all about you, OP. So, it's completely logical to come to a gay forum to ask what we think about you. Well, I'm not going to say anything except I pity the wife and mother you destroy, and the kids, and any sucker guy you manage to get in your bed on the side.

[Quote] Gay men aren't made for relationships..

Bullshit!!

[bold]Most[/bold] gay men aren't made for relationships, especially here on DL.

Frau here, good luck to find a woman desperate for kids to accept your deal. Your only hope is if your loaded, there is always a lot of women with shopping addiction who will volunteer to help you spend your money, you might not want to start a family with that kind of woman... (look at the agency where Tump found Melanomia, it's a good start)

I am not in a relationship and I know a few of my single friends who are actively looking for somebody, that kind of deal is out of question, they are looking for the long haul, aging together, etc... kids grow up and leave the house, eventually. What's the point if you end up divorced and alone?

OP, before you put that gold band on your finger think long and hard about this decision. Is this really want you really want?

The saddest thing OP is that you only want two things from a relationship: sex (with a man) or kids (with a woman).

At no point to you express a desire for intimacy or even camaraderie.

Is that the pinnacle of your aspirations for yourself?

OP it wouldn’t be fair to a woman (or any partner you don’t love for that matter). I believe people deserve love and most people would be looking for that in a marriage or relationship. If you have none to give maybe get some help. It doesn’t seem healthy.

She will probably be able to figure it out on her own, op. You don’t sound like you will come off that butch. But lots of women just want to move on with their lives. And a good provider, a nice house and a vacation home are big sells.

But if you can’t push the kids out, it complicates the argument.

OP, gay couples can have children in 2020.

I'd rather date a jock bi than a woman.

Op, you seem to have a hard time viewing people as individuals.

Would you be marrying a white woman? Nothing is cuter than a mixed race baby. It's very in.

OP is the type of homophobic gay man who gets sucked into trans-ideology.

I know,marry trans guy! Seriously,married people are miserable,why do you want that crap? And earth is overpopulated to the point we currently are in the middle of a pandemic,why do you want to bring children in this sick world? They will end up being stupid Tik Tok idiots no matter what you do while you will divorce and remain alone anyway because that's everybody's destiny.

I’d like to echo the fact that you’re looking at women as objects designed solely to satisfy your personal goal. Everyone in a relationship deserves to be loved, wanted and desired. It seems to me that you’re writing off gay guys everywhere based on a narrow sub-section. Not all gays are into the ‘gay culture’. I certainly am not. There’s an enormous variety of people out there, you need to be a little more open-minded and quit focusing on jocks of a certain age ffs. There are guys out there who are partner material and there are guys who aren’t. Look harder, and honor yourself and others in relationships. If you’re not attracted to women, don’t fuck up some poor girl’s life using her as a means to an end.

One the one hand, I find it sad that OP has given up on love, and that there are so many gay men like him. On the other hand, there are lofts of women who have pretty much given up on love as well, but are desperate to have children. I'm sure even lots of straight women would rather have IVF/turkey baster kids with a gay man than fuck an ugly straight dude (especially if the gay guy happens to be wealthy and good-looking). They'd probably also rather share a home with the gay than with the ugly straight dude who'd expect sex even after the kids are there.

Of course, OP could also try a lesbian.

If he's honest with his future wife ... both are free to discreetly hook up with other people ... and could make sure that, even if a miracle happens and one spouse finds 'true love', the kids are well taken care of and have a sense of stability ... why not. It would take a lot of maturity, stability and communicative skills on both sides to make it work, but I think it's possible.

The thing is though, you should only do this with someone you know very well and therefor know you can trust (obviously). Getting to know each other takes time. And most women would only consider that kind of arrangement when they're already running out of time. Unless he's rich, OP will hardly find a women under 38 who's open to the idea, and by that age, it might well be already too late for kids.

So you can't feel love for men or women, OP?

You do realize that's emotionally fucked up. Don't have kids.

OP, are you close friends with any women? Have you ever had a female roommate? Do you get along with women in general?

Because if you can't be friends with your hypothetical wife, close friends who genuinely share a life together and are fond enough of each other to stick together through the rough patches, you wont be able to keep even a lavender marriage going.

This is a lesson to gays everywhere: NEVER TRUST BISEXUALS.

When I was younger, not for a second did I want any kids. Now that I’m older, not for a second have I regretted having none.

See? It’s a mad mad mad mad world out there! People want different things!

Perhaps you're just not the marrying kind, dear.

Eldergay here: I'm not sure that OP is that different from straight women pushing into their late thirties who haven't met anyone they're terribly enthused about, especially sexually (you know, they talk to gay men), but want a stable family and kids and time is running out. Not saying it's an absolute parallel, but I'm not so sure it's entirely NOT similar, either.

Personally, I have had my moments wondering if I'd have been better off doing so, but the attraction to other men was too powerful to make it likely it wouldn't have come to disaster sooner or later. With some people, however, the attraction or the libido itself isn't that strong, and perhaps it's easier. I also have a sibling and nieces and now great-nieces on whom I can lavish paternal affection (although this sometimes irks my sister).

There are quite a few gay men out there who formed strong relationships with wives and children - Leonard Bernstein is the classic example, after his long marriage and three kids (at least one of whom is gay). Eventually, they separated, but they'd raised a family together and when she went back to her family in South America and died there of breast cancer, Bernstein went into a massive depression.

There are many nuances to relationships, and, as I said, these "arrangements" are made between hetero singles all the time. It's up to the individual to assess how well he'll do in such a situation, and how honest he can be with himself and any prospective wife.

And single hetero men do it, as well - looking for the woman who might not be, say, Scarlett Johanson (I understand she's the first choice amongst men looking for life-size sex dolls) but who will make a good mother and partner.

As long as people are honest and children are not deprived of a stable home because someone was dishonest, I don't care what people do.

I hope OP gets a wife like Shan'ANN Watts. A constant need to Facebook Live everything, MLM schemes, grocery list of vague "illnesses", iron grip on the family finances, the whole works. Then we'll probably get a new thread from him, complaining about his decisions.

I am glad the alternative opinion has come out here.

OP sounds like a younger version of Andrew Gillum.

Don't be a cunt and PLEASE let this woman know you plan to use her as a Holstein cow in a breeding program. Please don't lie to her. It's not her fault you feel you don't "click" with gay men. As for children, your mind is apparently, a little scrambled right now. May I suggest a house plant?

OP gives major aspie vibes

[quote] That's not a millennial thing. All people who want children and family think this way. They think that single people's lives are empty and meaningless.

It’s a millennial thing. And it has nothing to do with children. They can’t process the idea that someone might see something differently from them. If you’re not precisely like they are, you need to be canceled. (If you’re a statue, pulled down.)

If you want to see this in action, peek inside the Oval Office and note who’s in there right now. Brought to you by millennial intolerance.

[quote] I’m in my early 30’s

No, you're not.

[quote] and I’ve really struggled with my sexual orientation.

No, you haven't.

[quote] I’m attracted to men definitely but can’t see myself dating or marrying another guy.

It's the reverse. No guy can imagine marrying you.

[quote] I don’t love women either, but see a longer term relationship with a female as more viable than with a male.

No, you don't.

[quote] I’ve had the strongest connections with white, jockish bi/straight curious guys in their 20’s and early 30’s.

Lonely men often experience unrequited love for guys on Fratmen and other porn websites.

[quote] Upon further reflection

Did you just use the word "reflection?" You're a gay septaugenarian.

[quote] I could never date see myself dating these guys, and most of them would never want to date me either.

Yes, that's true.

[quote] I find myself very infrequently attracted to gay men.

No, it's constant.

[quote] I dated another gay guy several years and it never felt right.

Don't confuse stalking and obsession as "dating."

[quote] I hate gay voice, mannerisms, and “culture”.

Learn to love yourself.

[quote] Since I’ve always wanted biological kids

That's what got you on the registry. I hope you learned your lesson.

[quote] I figure I might as well have kids and marry a woman.

Will that violate your plea with the state?

[quote] Be upfront about everything and commit to being a good father to who provides for his children.

Its great that you want to be honest with those who send you mail through Write A Prisoner.

What do you guys think?

0/10

[Quote] They think that single people's lives are empty and meaningless.

I humor people who say or imply this. I don't want to anymore, thanks to the posts in this thread.

50% of Americans don't understand role-playing and 2nd degree humor. His bit on wife-beating and gold-diggers is funny and includes nonstop self-deprecation of stupid men through role-plays. 50% of Americans think because he's a white man and mentioned wife beating, he's in favour of it. That's how stupid people are.

sorry that was for Bill Burr thread.

Self hating queens like you prove Henry Higgins was right about women. And so was Rex Harrison.

You don't need a wife, you need therapy.

Heterosexuals deserve electroshock therapy to cure them of their heterosexual perversion.

If God wanted men and women to be together, then he would’ve made us the same.

OP starts this thread every month.

R72 for the win.

For OP

I think OP is a product of the systematic homophobia that runs rampant and unacknowledged in the black community.

[quote] Ended up marrying a guy who was also prevously married to a woman. We have kids and have been together 25 years.

Two questions R43

—Were you both previously married to women?

—Did you and your partner adopt kids (or surrogate) or did you have kids with your ex-wives prior to meeting?

[quote]Do any of you gay guys in your 40’s and 50’s wish you had kids? You may not love or be attracted to women, but doesn’t it seem like something is missing without a family of your own? I’m genuinely curious and not trying to be offensive.

I'm missing out on crushing, inescapable responsibility, sleep deprivation, and torpedoed finances. If I wanted clingy, attention-hungry little things in my life that constantly need my affection/reassurance and make my home a messy, noisy place, I'd get dogs. At least they're comparatively inexpensive and I could outlive them if the situation wasn't to my liking.

OP, do you realize that you assume that although you can't sustain a relationship with a man, and that you presumably lack fulfilling friendships because you're lonely enough to do something stupid, and that noting much in life makes you happy... you think that somehow, your relationship with this hypothetical wife and kiddies will somehow be fulfilling and make you happy?

Surely even an Aspie can see the illogic in that!

The real problem is your relationship skills, but you think that won't be a problem with a wife and kids. Because you'r assuming that a wife and kiddies will put up with your shit without complaint. FYI, that's now how human beings work.

[quote]But what I find interesting is that millennial intolerance I hear creeping into the tone of his posts. Like you are a loser unless you want what he wants

It's the Blackllennial troll's calling card

OP's post outlines something a lot of less obvious gay men feel at some point during their teens or early 20s--that because the don't like all the stereotypically gay things-- fashion, theater, drag--and don't have feminine mannerisms--that they will never fit in and thus never find a partner let alone a friend.

The internet seems to have solved that though, or at least allowed guys who are still in high school or college to connect with other guys like themselves.

That said, for many guys, the step from "I like having sex with other guys" to "I want to fall in love with another guy and be in a relationship with him" is a huge one and a decent number never get to that point and are the guys you see on Grindr still looking for "NSA" hookups when they are in their 40s and 50s

Why do people assume if you have kids, they will "take care of" you when you're old? Such bullshit.

Black Millennial = Your Millennial Friend trolling

OP, since you want open the gender essentialist floodgates, I would add that in my experience, women who are shitty romantic partners often are very good mothers. Whereas, I’ve never met a good father who hadn’t been a good husband or partner first. Men who treat women like props to validate themselves are only go on to do the same thing to their kids.

Also, if you are giving your hypothetical future bride the full heads up on the situation and you guys were to have an understanding about “extracurriculars”, the extracurriculars she would be likely to have would not be of the “discreetly blowing off steam” kind and would almost certainly involve a heavy emotional component. Women, in my experience, strongly need to feel desired and if she’s getting they someplace else that will ultimately become her primary relationship and you will be paying child support to a woman you never really were “in love” with in the first place.

OP, perhaps you feel a need to make an impact on kid's lives? I understand that. You can, but without all the late night feedings and after-school activities. Donate time or money to groups who care for kids who need help, love, guidance. There are probably wonderful GLBT+ agencies/Outreach groups near you who would welcome your help. You sound like a caring soul. Good luck and Bless you.

Datalounge IS gay culture.

J'adore r72

Gay, straight or bi, OP is the type who should remain single.

OP is an emotional mess like most declared bisexuals. They spend their lives on the fence, never completely satisfied or fulfilled, making other people's lives miserable with their inability to fully commit. You think you want to get married to a woman, OP? It won't work. You'll start missing the dick the day after the wedding. You'll make her life miserable and yours as well. You'll be cheating on her for the rest of your life and when she finds out you'll start dating the same men you once rejected and you'll make their lives miserable as well. When you like the dick, you'll always want the dick. Always. Sorry for you.

R65 and R72 I am in love with you both. How to choose??

[quote] I’ve had the strongest connections with white, jockish bi/straight curious guys in their 20’s and early 30’s.

So you get along well with assholes.

[quote] OP's post outlines something a lot of less obvious gay men feel at some point during their teens or early 20s

So a lot of "less obvious guys" need an excuse for why other guys don't want to date them. Right.

Too lazy to read through this thread, but I feel R2. Do you have a close friend that wants a baby too? My sister (straight but hates men) had a baby with our gay friend from childhood (like a brother, but sooo fine). Our moms have been best friends since the 70’s. It is working for everyone.

Please consider, just for a moment that kids get destroyed when you shatter the family illusion. You better be prepared to sacrifice sexual fulfillment for family - forever. When your kids see you've been cheating on mom with a dick up your ass...you better believe you've just given them a one way ticket to to Fuckedupville. It doesn't seem like you are willing to be seen in a committed gay relationship and raise a family under that light, so you need to absolutely be committed to the hetero lifestyle you are choosing to bring kids into.

[quote]OP's post outlines something a lot of less obvious gay men feel at some point during their teens or early 20s

Intense homophobia?

A gay or bi-sexual man marrying a woman is slow suicide. Once she finds out who you really are, you are toast. Wouldn't arsenic just be faster?

For your own sake, OP, I hope you're just transitioning to full-time gay. I felt like you once until I decided to settle for the life that would give me the least amount of conflict with myself and others. If your doubts are because of internalized homophobia, and it sure sounds like you have lots of that, you can get over it I did.

R3, you could say the same thing about straight men.

As a gay person, you aren't stuck with society's script (marriage and 2.5 kids). However, if you want that, you can pursue it with a same-sex spouse.

Even a lot of straight couples are deciding that they just don't want kids. Of course, they face a lot more pressure to procreate.

The world of the self-loathing gay, married to a woman for the sole purpose of procreation, is a sick and boring life.

OP, you're probably too young to be familiar with it, but back in the late 90s Nicholas Hytner made a documentary about this very subject. Watch it and see how it turns out for the happy couple.

Oh, and at least one of your kids will (to your great horror, embarrassment and jealousy) be an out and Out flamer.

(Probably the one named after you)

This sounds like a sitcom - misogynistic gay guy marries woman to get a live in housekeeper (and to impress the asshole straight boss he's secretly in love with) only to find out she's a vapid, self-absorbed Carrie Bradshaw type who just wants a gay best friend slash house fairy who centers his life around her drunken escapades with other married men.

Gay is genetic.

Chastity bono

You know what better than hearing a child’s laughter?

The peace and quiet you get by not having kids.

Amen. Years ago if I was feeling lonely on Valentine's Day I could just call my best friend and listen to the screaming children, barking dogs, and crashes in the background. Suddenly being single didn't seem so lonely after all...

[quote]I’ve had the strongest attraction to white, jockish bi/straight curious guys in their 20’s and early 30’s.

Fixed. And you don't see yourself dating them because you consider yourself a woman and you don't think of men as human beings

[quote], and none of them would ever want to date me either.

fixed again.

Side note: The only time you are actually "connected" to these guys is when /your/ mouth or ass is on /their/ dick.

Please do marry a woman and stay the he’ll off our websites, out of our neighborhoods, bars, sex clubs, restaurants, churches, clubs, etc. We don’t want you. Take your self hatred to therapy and work it all out there, dim bulb. Stop dumping your shit here, it stinks, and is quite messy. Ugh. Probably a troll thread anyway…lol

I see this thread was invaded by right wing trolls,the word "lifestyle" is a dead giveaway. I'm sick of the lie straight couples are better and never cheat. Most straight men (and women) cheat. Being gay is like being straight, each one constructs their own life. If you don't want to have gay sex is one thing, but please don't drag a wife and kids in a lie! Even straights aren't forced to have children.