Making amends to a parent

If your mother was a selfish cunt whose only dream for you was to turn you into a baby factory, good riddance.

"still she supported me during my early 20s health crisis and did so at great cost (emotional, financial, social.)."

So you're broke and can't pay her back financially now, so just be there for her emotionally and socially and never let her forget it, then act accordingly.

Take it to an AA meeting, preachy.

Be very kind to your mother and tell her often that you love her and appreciate everything that she has done for you. A big hug and kiss would also be nice. Keep it simple and she'll know. And if you succeed in life and go forward that will be the best reward - she'll love seeing that more than anything.

You seem to be thinking all about you, OP. Stop indulging in guilt and pay attention to what your mother needs.

Why would OP take care of a cunt who projected her life happiness into her kid? I was fortunate enough to have great parents but can't understand why people would insist on selfish assholes like this.

[quote] Because I feel I need to make a lot up to my mother. Even knowing that I won’t give her grandkids or be ‘making her proud’ in a conventional way,

Sounds to me like you need some therapy. It's not your job to give your mother grandchildren or make her proud, it's your job to live your life the way you want to. It looks like you were raised by a very selfish person who failed in life and thought having a child she could manipulate into doing her bidding was the answer.

My mom once said to me a real parent wlll starve before they see their children hungry and would never ask anything in return. If your mother is asking anything in return for doing her obligation as a parent, she's a selfish cunt.

Ignore the haters OP. What you’re processing is important. Showing the gratitude is the most important thing. Have the discussion and then live it. Can’t do anything about the past but make better choices and move forward. Strive to be the best son you can. Hopefully you’ll have more peace of mind each day.

OP didn't even mention anything awful that his mom did, only his own guilt for his perceived shortcomings regarding not having kids and having health issues that required her intervention.

He did say that his mom was there for him at an important time and at great cost to her, yet the resident DL assholes are thrilled to project their own mommy issues onto his situation and encourage him to tell her to fuck off. Sorry your mothers sucked, but that's not the case for everyone.

R4 R5 and R9 are correct. Unless your mom is actively abusive and unloving, there's no reason not to foster a better relationship with her. A sweet card with a simple thank you goes a long way.