How do you deal with rejection?

Go to Rentmen.com.

Grindr can be awful.

My problem is when I'm ready no one else is. Then I'm busy or whatever, and I get hit up on. Happens all the time.

Remember my dick is usually bigger

Grindr is nothing but an invitation to self esteem battering.

Delete the app.

Get off the apps. I met my partner in the real world.

The apps were invented by socially retarded psychos because THEY don’t know how to meet people normally and THEY want everyone reduced to a bunch of stats.

Wake up and unplug from the matrix. And fuck tech.

[quote] I met my partner in the real world.

That's much harder now with "social distancing" and those ugly masks.

Not only can you not get close to people any more, but you can't even see their faces.

It's almost like being on a phone app, but in real life.

UGH.

lower your standards, op.

go to growlr.

I'm on Tinder and ever since I turned 40 the rate of matches has plummeted. However, I refuse to hide my true age, so I figure my quality of matches will improve if I'm matching with people fine with my age. Look at your situation similarly: Quality is better than quantity. Hot guys might get more interest, but they probably have to ignore or block people to the point they're truly matching with as many people as you.

All true OP ... Sad to say, the gay word belongs to the pretty. If you are not pretty, few want you. Especially gays. Seems to me most complaining about this are rather plain. Of course they're not seen, will never get a "looker."

A good sense of self worth helps. Even before apps I was never afraid to go up to someone and chat em up. Who cares if they were not interested. Fuck em. I'm not everyone's cup of tea but sometimes you find out you are. You can't take rejection hard. I know big and I mean BIG guys who get really hot men. People have tastes. Just soldier on man. What other people think about you is none of your business.

most people are average anyway.

OP, I would suggest you not base your self-esteem on GRINDR. People on GRINDR don't know you, so it's not like they're rejecting you. Also, sometimes people are just rude. Other times people are busy or distracted and can't respond.

Maybe consider engaging in other more positive and uplifting social or online interactions.

As a freshman and sophomore in college, I chased after a group of people whom I thought were cool. They were friendly, but they really didn't accept me...who knows why.. maybe because they picked up that I was gay (I was closeted at the time).

In my junior year I realized those people weren't worth chasing for friendship. They were snobs, had typical upper-middle class angst ("Mom and Dad think I drink too much." Well you do -- and that's why you don't get good grades. But...hell... your problems are nonsensical in comparrison to the problems of that kid working his or her way through school to get out of an abusive home!), and just weren't interesting. I formed closer friendships with other people who were better people, and who have gone on to live vastly more interesting lives.

My point, OP, is don't sweat rejection. You'll discover there are a lot of people who like you because you're a good man. And you'll find a gay guy who gets hard every time he see that funny expression or twinkle in your eye when you smile.

Just remember that Grindr is easy come (cum?), easy go. A hot guy talks to you? Great, but all you invested was a few taps on the phone. That's all you've lost if he disappears. Don't drown in something so shallow.

Grindr is a shit hole of tranny whores and rock stupid entitled ugly twinks. The app only only useful function it to troll people.

Scruff has much more high quality men. And if you block a tranny, it stays blocked. It can’t recreate another profile with a fake address, as on Grindr.

[quote] Scruff has much more high quality men

My experience is that superficiality and shallowness is the same across ALL gay apps.

Gay men (and straight men) are just horrible when it comes to sex partners. They always want "the best," no matter how crappy they themselves might look.

Join Men Going Their Own Way?

If you are a bottom gain 20 pounds and move to Cairo. You will be the toast of the town.

r19 do Egyptian men like to fuck fatties?

Those Arabs find the fatter the guy the better the fuck.

The only people who have universally positive experiences on Grindr with lots of unsolicited messages are trannies (the hot ones get hundreds of messages), attractive tops, and good looking white/Latinos under 35.

Everyone else won’t get nearly as much attention.

Grindr is great if you’re white, relatively young, and height-weight proportionate.

I’m partnered so don’t do Grindr, but I find it so interesting how my friends, of various ethnicities, find partners on Grindr (and other such apps).

Even the handsomest of people of color have trouble when compared to average looking white men

The whole point of adulthood is that you finally don’t have to give a shit what other people think about you.

You can always find partners if you work at it. You may not be the most beautiful human but everyone is beautiful to someone else who’s horny

Unless you’re fat or Asian r24

That's really frustrating, R22.

I'm jealous.

But on the other hand, who wants to be a damned tranny? Not me.

r21 damn I need to find me an Arab man.

You need to lose your flab r27

Be the best you you can be, rather than relying on a imaginary Arab fat fetishist

If you open your heart at Asians, they will never reject you

Gay people who complain about how shallow other gay people are are always shallow themselves but bitter that they are not as attractive as the other shallow gay men.

I know plenty of guys who aren’t shallow and therefore don’t complain about not hooking up with The mean girls. They hook up with normal guys and they are happy.

Therefore you are worse than mean girls you so badly want to be yet hate.

r28 not fat hon but thanks - was hoping for a hot arab man to fuck me and not care if I put on 20 lbs

The problem, is people on hookup sites are only looking for hookups. They don't care about your dazzling personality, your brilliant brain, or the amazing things you've accomplished.

Why are you basing your self esteem solely on what you look like in a photo?

R23, Because that’s the same way they treat people on apps. If they are hot based on their pictures then they won’t care how horrible their personalities are. Yeah they cry when the same thing happens to them.

It seems like today everything on apps is about being or providing a product (yourself) so you have to be exactly what people want. Also, with porn so readily available, you have to be hot enough for them to bother to go out or have sex instead of just jerking off.

That’s because corporations are people and actual people are products. Grindr has more human rights than you do.

[quote] If you open your heart at Asians, they will never reject you

ew. no thanks

I love oriental men. So exotic!

Says R6, as he types and post his response from a phone or a computer. Luddites are as stupid as technophiles

Awareness costs nothing. Why do people bother?

OP, are you going after men that are out of your league? The young and beautiful almost always hook up with the young and beautiful. Be realistic about your looks and body.

Chat with normal guys on other dating apps. Grindr is particularly nasty. Try Scruff and Adam for Adam.

bbrt

What's a Luddite?

R41 Google it, you lazy whore

R41, it’s whatever you are

Wow OP. Get a grip. Lots of average looking folks get plenty of sex and love. You're doing something wrong. Don't let Grinder losers destroy your sex life.

Actually Grindr is what made me immune to rejection. There were guys I wasn’t interested in and there were guys who weren’t interested in me. When you get enough people interested in you to wanna fuck, others not wanting to fuck you rolls right off your back.

Grindr gave me a thick skin and I’m not rude to people and generally people not interested in me aren’t rude back.

I only had one person make a really rude comment to me and they were wearing a kaftan in their photo and were over 300lbs. I shit you not.

I once sent my photo to someone I was really attracted to, and he immediately deleted his profile after I sent it.

That really hurt.

r47 see r45.

Can't relate. I guess cause I'm hot.

R49 = Vapid Grindr cunt.

Join a gym, not to be like the supermodel with the 8-pack and the 10-inch dick, but to be the best version of you you can be.

Make sure you push at your own boundaries and hit up a reasonably broad range of types on the apps. Join more than one app.

Remember that people often don't go for the same type of person that they are. There have been some very disparate matchups out there.

I'm still in my 30s but friends who have hit their early 40s have told me they started getting a LOT more attention at that time from the guys in their 20s who were into daddies - guys who wouldn't have looked twice at them five years earlier. So, you never know.

No matter how unsuccessful you are on Grindr, you probably have had many, many times more hookups than your straight friends, so see the positive side.

they do like a fit daddy. not all but a lot. 300 lbs and a caftan? set up a gloryhole.

R30 is absolutely right. I’m over 40 and as many pounds overweight and I have no problem finding guys who want to fuck me or date me.

[quote] I'm still in my 30s but friends who have hit their early 40s have told me they started getting a LOT more attention at that time from the guys in their 20s who were into daddies

It’s true. At 42, I’ve more guys in their 20s throw themselves at me in the last two years than when I was actually in my 20s. They’re all about daddies.

Being into daddies seems to be a lot more normalised now, there's literally no shame in a young guy proudly acknowledging this kind of interest compared to 20 years ago.

[quote] At 42, I’ve more guys in their 20s throw themselves at me in the last two years than when I was actually in my 20s. They’re all about daddies

Yeah but you also have to be a top.

No hot young guy is looking for an old bottom.

R56 makes a good point.

To succeed sexually you need to be flexible and accommodating, both literally and figuratively.

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

[quote]I once sent my photo to someone I was really attracted to, and he immediately deleted his profile after I sent it.

No, he blocked you. He didn't delete his profile. People do that all the time when they're not interested and are just really horny. They don't want to get into a whole conversation where they are forced to tell you why. Don't take it to heart.

[quote]I once sent my photo to someone I was really attracted to, and he immediately deleted his profile after I sent it.

No, he blocked you. He didn't delete his profile. People do that all the time when they're not interested and are just really horny. They don't want to get into a whole conversation where they are forced to tell you why. Don't take it to heart. They're very specific in what they're looking for. It's not speed dating.

Trust me, you will find someone to fuck you. However, if you have an entire list of what a person must and mustn't look like, you're going to have a harder time. I'm not saying to settle, but realize that Grindr is for sex. As long as the person is clean, seems sane, has a dick and a bit attractive, go for it. If you're looking for a ltr, look elsewhere.

There are apps for chubs and chubby chasers. I know people who are tall, thin and hung like a horse that will only date fat guys. I'm telling you, there's someone for everyone. Sure, the guys who have six pack abs and have a nice face will have more to choose from but you can usually find someone who will be into you no matter what.

One must live in a delusional bubble to think non gays don't face shallowness and rejection. It's the same shit across the board.

[quote] Yeah but you also have to be a top. No hot young guy is looking for an old bottom.

You really should go out more. There are just as many young tops who only fuck daddies, some of you have a very limited understanding of the world, it's frightening.

There's literally all types of people to everyone. Daddyhunt is full of tops willing to fuck daddy bottoms, same on 4bear of Growlr, bear apps.

I wish I cared more to write about this, but people with a limited understanding of the world bore me.

[quote]There are apps for chubs and chubby chasers.

Mr. Pinky's Hefty Grindrway.

Grindr is the problem. You act like there's only this app for gays to use. No wonder you whine like little bitches and have such a skewed understanding of the world, you're limited to the same boring people living the same boring lives.

[quote] The apps were invented by socially retarded psychos because THEY don’t know how to meet people normally and THEY want everyone reduced to a bunch of stats. Wake up and unplug from the matrix. And fuck tech.

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

What about those of us who love oriental dudes and want to spend the rest of their lives with a Chinaman on a slow boat to China?

[quote]What about those of us who love oriental dudes and want to spend the rest of their lives with a Chinaman on a slow boat to China?

You want a CHING CHONG DING DONG?

I have a twitter just to follow guys who post their hookups and sex, not sex workers, just regular guys. There are fat guys, bears, skinny guys, ugly, very handsome, etc. All types of guys are having sex and even dating. Why aren't you?

My guess is that more often than not, people like OP have unrealistic standards and very limited repertoire, so they resort to the same boring and stale clique of West Hollywood muscle marry types. The world is larger than the boring instahoes you post here.

Gay guys from the slums of Rio are fucking, guys working at Lowe's are fucking, guys at the front desk of a random hotel, all sorts of men are having sex, you know what they have in common? They don't live trapped in some delusional online fantasy.

Broaden your horizons.

R67, I'll pretend you were serious

I actually lived in Beijing for a year. It was full of moonstruck gay boys from the provinces who came to the capital dreaming of a foreign boyfriend. They all had their head filled with these silly romantic notions and ended up disappointed when they discovered that the foreign men mainly wanted sex, I was quite sorry for them. They were also much less sexually experienced than young European/N. American men their age.

But all this is to say that you should just move to China, you'll be a status symbol for these young guys, the equivalent of straight 50 year old white men to Thai women. If you actually want to settle down they will probably literally fight over you.

Yes I see lots of hot Asian guys online but rarely find any irl. Where I live there isn’t a huge population, but still, the majority are not guys I like—skinny, pasty, look like nelly bottoms seem to dominate. Mostly Filipino dudes are the ones I tend to like.

[quote] Yeah but you also have to be a top.

Nine times out of ten, yes. But I have encountered a couple of twentysomething tops who were all too eager to give me what for.

There are just as many young tops searching for daddies as there are the other way around.

On Grindr, feel free to lie about your age. If you can get away with it, that is always going to help. Also, Grindr is for a quick hook up or often just wasting time. You just have to look at the person as a cock or a hole. If something more develops great, but the goal is quick sex. I simply do not respond if I'm not interested and vice versa. Maybe in bigger cities its more of that type of mentality. When I go to Palm Springs, I find a lot of the elder gays of 50+ will write these huge long intro messages on grindr and then get upset when you don't respond. Basically your opening should be like one word: "hot", "looking?", "into?", "sexy", "pics?"...that's about it. It's as low commitment as you can get.

It's very easy to get what you want on any hookup app. Put a face pic of yourself and write what you're looking for. It's unbelievable the number of people I see with a blank profile. I'm far from being a model, but I write what I want and use a profile picture that is actually me, I've never had any problems. Some guys are just lazy.

I agree that scruff has more quality men but I personally find Grindr faster for hook ups right now. Scruff's platform and ease of use for just the free app is so much better. It has the matching option which can be more conducive to something more serious. Grindr has so many ads and I refuse to pay for it. Every few clocks takes you to a page, then to the app store to purchase it before you can get back to the grid. Right now I've invested in some amazing toys over quarantine and until I get bored with those, I'm off. But I am back at the (outdoor) gym for some real eye candy. People seem horny.

It's called a pity fuck R72.

[quote] just move to China, you'll be a status symbol for these young guys, the equivalent of straight 50 year old white men to Thai women. If you actually want to settle down they will probably literally fight over you.

And this is why there is the saying "No fats, no fems, no azns."

It's called a pity fuck R72.

[quote] just move to China, you'll be a status symbol for these young guys, the equivalent of straight 50 year old white men to Thai women. If you actually want to settle down they will probably literally fight over you.

And this is why there is the saying "No fats, no fems, no azns."

So how does COVID fit in when it comes to hookups ? Do you have a mask with a flap opening? Or do you just cover your mouth and only do doggie because that way no one is breathing on each other?

I got my fucks in when things opened up and then when they locked down, I kept with one fuck buddy for most of the summer.

[quote] No wonder you whine like little bitches

Can we stop with the Bill Maher “whiney bitches” thing already? Jesus.

I never really struggled much with rejection. I think you just have to be realistic about your expectations, depending on your own level of attractiveness and what you can offer someone else. It is very unusual to be able to have your pick of anyone you want, so going in with that mentality is only going to lead to frustration. You just need to accept that you will not be everyone's cup of tea and no one owes you anything - if someone rejects you, don't give it a second thought and just push on to find someone who is responsive to you.

I do think a lot of people have way too much ego these days, and they can't handle rejection well because they have an inflated opinion of themselves.

Even those guys who look like porn stars are rejected sometimes. It’s life. Stop being whiny bitches, be the best you can be, and have no expectations. No one owes you anything.

I remember once i checked out a guys photo and the site would show you who checked you out. He messaged me and said he would never ever be interested in me. I replied back I just looked at your photo because I thought you were attractive, thanks for letting me know you are not. He sent me another message saying sorry he just wanted to stop me from wasting my time. So I replied again. You want to stop me from wasting my time, by wasting my time, got it. Then he sent me about 4 more messages about how I got the wrong idea about him, he was sorry he came off that way he was really not a jerk...in the end I just blocked him.

I use planetromeo!

That's just next level nasty, R84. Someone like that has just got be raging inside to be so ugly and make an attack like that. I'm sure he would he would have been a real treat had you been "lucky" enough to have met him.

I guess I don't think about rejection on Scruff and Grindr that much, because I have very low expectations. To me those apps are just for flirting as entertainment; I almost never expect to genuinely meet anyone by using them. Most of the guys I chat with on apps just want to trade pics. Some of them are more interested in me than I am in them, and vice versa.

But I can relate to the OP in this regard. If a guy spends a lot of time trading pics and messages, asking questions and all that to get to know me, and he answers the questions I have for him, and then he decides to reject me or ghost me after all of that, it will hurt my feelings. I can usually tell if I'm interested in someone pretty quickly, I guess other's can't.

R84 this is why people developed the art of ghosting.

On one profile on one particular site I included an age range that I was generally interested in. One guy wrote to me who was over the age range. I decided not to respond rather than sending back a 'not interested, read my profile properly', feeling it would be kinder.

The guy then decided to take offence at my lack of response and send me another message trying to argue me into finding him attractive, pointing out that on my profile I had said I liked 'X' and that he was an example of 'X'.

I then sent back a polite email pointing out the age issue and he blocked me! lol.

So TL:DR trying to lawyer people into being attracted to you doesn't ever work.

Yeah, I have a very high tolerance for rejection on the apps and usually chalk it up to my (short) height. I live in NYC and get plenty of attention from guys “out of my league”- the trick is having a face pic, body pics, and some writing in my profile, and then hitting up every guy that I at least find moderately attractive (based on what I can tell from their profiles). When I spent a few months in the Midwest, I had an even easier time since I was much more attractive there by comparison.

I have only had two incidents with nasty guys- one recently on Scruff, where I hit up a guy and he just responded saying “I’m too good for you”, and the other a very long time ago on manhunt or Grindr when I had been chatting with a guy and he revealed too long into our conversation that he was HIV-poz, and when I rejected him he told me he hoped I would get AIDS.