Ancient sea hag Madonna will be directing her own biopic!

This is one of those roles where only a trans woman of color can be cast.

If Angelica Ross doesn't get the role then Madonna better phone JK Rowling for coping mechanicms.

I haven't seen any of them, but all the movies she's directed and co-written have been, by all accounts, really bad. I don't see how this one will turn out any different. It's a shame because, in the right hands, a Madonna biopic, or a series of them, could be really interesting.

Oh. Dear. God.

I can't wait! This'll be the trainwreck of the year. You think Diablo Cody could force some self-awareness out of Madonna?

Who asked for this? And this really should be a Lifetime or Hallmark movie or they should resurrect the network movie of the week or miniseries, but not for the big screen.

She’s not even worth a Lifetime intimate portrait.

Say what you will about her but Madonnas life has been amazing and people still can’t stop talking about her even though she’s in the boring rich old lady part of her life.

Leo Madonna..

If she's directing again the project is doomed.

That’s one of the best pics I’ve seen of her in a long time, so it’s obviously old.

I'm offended! I look nothing like that cunt crone!

Since the audience will be old and ancient, will they add in bathroom breaks?

Was thinking the same thing R9

Can you imagine the hell the actress who plays Madge will have to endure?

I couldn't even.

Madonna directing can't be any worse than closeted queen Bradley Cooper directing, Reductive One at R13.

You can already tell by the Instagram Q&A she did last week that she’s rewriting history. She was talking about how there’s a scene with her and her sister Paula in the movie, yet says nothing about her brother Christopher who she was closest to and was with from her days in NYC up till she married Guy Bitchie. Even though she may have been pissed that her brother wrote that book, nevertheless he was a huge part of her life for many years so for her to not include him in the movie shows she’s letting her ego get in the way and not telling the full story by picking and choosing what to include based on who she likes at the moment.

Didn't she ghost-direct the concert film "Truth Or Dare"? She hired a director she could lord over.

WHET him anyway?

A sociopath has to be in charge of her own narrative.

It's sad that she's going to let her ego turn what could be a huge triumph into a giant disaster. There's so much great material in her life, and obviously so many incredible songs, that a film should be excellent with a decent cast. But now it's just another in her long line of film vanity projects that'll fail.

If she was smart, she would've tried to get David Fincher to do it. Would instantly give it some prestige and a media hook with them reuniting after so many years.

Screen Credits:

Film Title: MADONNA

A MADONNA Film

Starring: MADONNA Directed by: MADONNA Executive Producer: MADONNA Screenwriter: MADONNA Cinematography by: MADONNA Editor: MADONNA Music by: MADONNA Hairstyles by: MADONNA Costume Design: MADONNA Set Design by: MADONNA Sound by: MADONNA Technical Crew: MADONNA

This is a MADONNA Production.

Soundtrack by: MADONNA

Songs Written by: MADONNA (and dozens of others who need not be mentioned).

I happen to think W.E. was a good effort for a sophomore director. It was beautifully shot, had a sumptuous soundtrack, and an interesting intertwining storylines concept, although it dragged in places, and I didn't care much for the romanticized portraits of Edward and Wallis. It was more style over substance, much like Tom Ford's directorial effort "A Single Man." But Ford got the acclaim, and Madge got hate.

R18, I doubt David Fincher would want to be part of a vanity project like this one. Funnily enough, the other night I was watching some of the music videos that David Fincher directed. His work with Madonna and Paula Abdul was perfection. He ended up mastering the art form. Their record companies or David should remaster and upscale those videos so they can be enjoyed in high quality.

She's a better director than Guy Ritchie.

I hope they cast Faye Dunaway.

Holy fucking shit. At this point she's certifiably insane. She has to be. Forget deluded. This is the insanity kicking in.

Exactly WHY they should cast our Faye

Make-up by: MADONNA

Theme Song: “MADONNA”

Sung by: MADONNA

Music by: MADONNA

Lyrics by: MADONNA

Personal Assistant to MADONNA: The newly hired assistant who was fired or resigned on the same day.

I'm sure she'll also leave out Sean Penn beating the shit out of her.

How unfortunate. It will be a bomb.

I’m surprised Madonna isn’t playing herself. God help any masochistic actress who does.

Cameo Appearance: MADONNA

You guys are funny thinking that Madonna is going to cast a young actress to play young Madonna when Madonna has not aged a day since she was 22 years old!

Can we start a social media movement urging Madonna to play herself? This could snowball. We could really make this into a spectacular expressionistic work of the ego with just a little false flattery.

I thought this was going to be a serious attempt with Julia Garner as Madonna. With Madonna directing, I would advise her to turn it down.

She continues to destroy her legacy. It was bad enough she was co-writing the project but now directing it?

PASS

She should go get another facelift and leave the film to the pros.

R35, Madonna is just co-writing it? I’m shocked that she share the credit.

Madonna should act out the full 100-minute script, all parts, while sitting in a milky bath and wearing the face of a Korean woman.

Don’t ever mention A Single Man and Madonna in the same breath ..that film was brilliant

Doesn’t the whole life story of Madonna in 2020 amount to 60 years of cultural appropriation? How is this going to get by the Twitter Department of Standards and Practices?

R3 is adorable Diablo Cody and self-awareness ?!?!

Even Brian May who has to be part of every aspect of Queen, was smart enough to realize that he needed people who know how to make films and stepped back and acted as a consultant.

Of course, Madonna would never be able to do the same.

Funny for years she wouldn't perform old songs in concert and isn't reissuing her old albums, but now she is suddenly interested in her past.

There’s no hope for this project if she’s directing. Going to be a creative and commercial bomb.

This is 4,056th reason why Guy Oseary is a horrible manager. This is such a waste of time. It will FLOP and further trash her already tainted legacy.

Freddy DeMann would have had a private conversation with her YEARS ago and tell her to pull it together. She's had way too much free reign.

I really do think Freddy and Liz helped contain a lot of Madonna's craziness back then. Guy doesn't give a shit, just cashes the cheque and lets M further ruin her career.

There aren't enough acting coaches in the world or technological advances in CGI for Madonna to play herself in her own biopic!

Just hire Jamie Auld, send her to acting lessons and have her lipsync to Madonna's old hits or re-recordings of her hits sung by a good soundalike and maybe you'll get a decent film.

Her success is unmatched:

“ Madonna is a multi-award-winning artist, activist and humanitarian. Certified the best-selling female music artist in history, she has sold 335 million records worldwide and remains the highest-grossing solo touring artist of all time. Inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2008, Madonna remains one of the most awarded and critically acclaimed artists in history, with 658 prominent global award nominations and 225 wins. She has graced more than 4,700 coveted magazine covers worldwide. Generations of world class artists celebrate her influence on their lives, work and personal style.”

MacDonalds is popular too.

Starring as Madonna...Alicia Witt!

I am a longtime fan of Madonna's. She's accomplished a lot. But she's past the point of no return. The spotty recent albums, the hideous, shocking plastic surgeries, the late shows, the shitty attitude (funny how her "nice" period with Evita and Ray of Light didn't last that long - she couldn't keep up that act) and now this display of narcissism and freakish control just show she is going to decline even further.

Even Streisand wouldn't engage in such a display of narcissism.

You bitches are so cruel to (aging) women. FU, all.

I don’t think that’s true. People have been hoping she would age gracefully for the last 20 years. She was so successful but she can never give up trying to be a teenager. It’s sad.

People can hope, but she does as she pleases, and doesn't give a rat's ass how you think she should behave.

Clearly, which is why she has gone downhill.

She may not give a rat's ass what we think of her but when even your own fans start turning away in droves because of your atrocious behaviour, maybe she should, you know, give a rat's ass.

There is pre Kabbalah Madonna (Freddy Demann) & Post Kabbalah (Guy Oseaery). Was Guy in charge for the Ray of Light comeback?

[quote]Was Guy in charge for the Ray of Light comeback?

No, he didn’t become her manager until 2005...which tells you all you need to know about how her career has been since then.

Guy who? Madison, Ritchie, Pearce, Smiley, or Williams?

Oseary.

Both Madonna and Oseary have done quite the job ruining her legacy.

New details of the project just came out: It’s not actually a movie, but a multi-season series inspired by The Crown. “Diablo and I began talking about this project,” Madonna said, “and we both realized that the Queen of England can’t be understood in fewer than five seasons, and so how can I, when I have accomplished so much more with my life?”

When asked to justify that comment, Madonna laughed. “She colonized Africa. The atrocities! Meanwhile, I saved Malawi myself, adopting and raising half its children in civilization with a decent religion. They call me Mother Madonna. That’s a whole season, don’t you think?”

About her working relationship with Juno writer Diablo Cody, Madonna told us, “I honestly had no idea who she was when she came to me. My first thought was, ‘Uh oh. Has the devil come to collect on our deal?’ But Wikipedia told me right away she was a stripper and she has written movies and that TV show with the ugly Australian woman, not Kidman, the other one, and that’s good enough for me. Even if she pops out a turd, I’ll polish it with my BAFTA-worthy directing.”

You bitches trash Madonna yet praise the musical geniuses of Paula Abdul and Pebbles. GFY!

Makeup By:

Industrial Light and Magic, Inc

It's not like it needs to have any real dialogue.

Her rabid fans are all queens and they'll shriek every time she appears on screen, so dialogue would just get in the way.....

I can’t believe the OP of the other thread didn’t put “Madonna” in the heading so people can search for it

I watched about 5 minutes of W.E. and it was...a, um, film.

Her life story would be best handled by someone who's NOT a humorless bitch (like she is). I've always thought a musical incorporating her best songs would be entertaining.

She really is humorless to a remarkable degree. And you get the sense she believes her wit is beyond most people, when she is really just a crass sourpuss.

This and todays Instagram posts show her as visibly drunk. She's more concerned with keeping her glass full of wine than actually trying to rationally discuss the project. I think she hired Diablo as a stooge to just sit there and listen to her ramble on about how important and great she is.

How do we nominate Diablo Cody for an Oscar for her performance in “Tolerating Madonna for a Paycheck”?

I'm surprised to see Madonna drinking and Diablo looks miserable.

R67 Why are you surprised to see her drinking? She does it often in her instagram posts.

HBO really should develop a comedy about an eccentric, egotistical, and comically desperate former pop star who's working with a quirky screenwriter to bring her life story to the big screen.

BoJack Horseman meets Sunset Blvd.

Diablo must be regretting this. I don't know why she agreed to this. Madonna has been a mess the past few years so it's not like it's a new thing.

[quote]Diablo must be regretting this. I don't know why she agreed to this.

I’m sure she is. In that Q&A IG video they did last week Madonna was a real bitch and kept making snarky comments to her.

Great idea R69. Maybe Cody can use this as the basis of a new “fictional” series or film.

I could see Lady Gaga in the role of young Madonna.

Madonna's probably paying Diablo Cody $500 to write her life story given how damn cheap she is. If Diablo Cody were a Frida Kahlo painting Madonna would be throwing stacks of money at her.

She tried to pay the guy who directed A Certain Sacrifice $500 or $5,000 for the rights to the film because she's so ashamed of being in it and screamed "fuck you" at him when he refused to let her rip him off.

Trust me when she dies the adopted kids get bigger shares, the rest goes to Malawi and Lola and Rocco will get measly little trust funds if they're lucky.

Notting Hill was based on the relationship between Madonna and Guy Ritchie. It really wouldn't surprise me if Madonna's videos of her and Diablo working haven't inspired a screenwriter already.

I am sure Diablo is taking notes for her own, better screenplay of a pathetic has been popstar.

This montage includes a lot of drinking. The disciplined Madonna everyone respected is done.

Omg

Why is she dressed like Beetlejuice?

[quote]Notting Hill was based on the relationship between Madonna and Guy Ritchie. It really wouldn't surprise me if Madonna's videos of her and Diablo working haven't inspired a screenwriter already.

Really? Wasn't Hugh Grant's character in 'Notting Hill' the owner of a indie bookstore? A total unknown? Guy Ritchie was already a well known film director when he met The Haggis.

IIRC, I read it here on DL many years ago, the film was based on The Haggis affair with an unknown British singer, think his last name was Byrd.

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

R81, I got her English boyfriends mixed up. All I remembered was that it was inspired by one of them.

Byrd was an "unknown drifter"? Leave it to Mad-Donna

Did she get any decent songs out of the affair?

Now I'm really confused, is this man the same Andrew Bird/Byrd who is a singer? That article made no mention of this guy being a singer.

Any photos of this man with Madonna?

R84, Andy Bird wasn't a singer. He was a wannabe screenwriter who worked as a doorman at the Met Bar in Mayfair. He was good friends with screenwriter, Richard Curtis (Four Weddings and a Funeral, Bridget Jones' Diary, Love Actually, Notting Hill). Hugh Grant claimed that Notting Hill was loosely based on real life friend of Curtis' who fell in love with an "extremely world-famous person" whom Grant wasn't allowed to mention. However, years later Curtis revealed that that famous person was Madonna.

Found of a photo of the father of Madonna's aborted baby, Andy Bird. He doesn't seem like her type at all. He must have a big dick, I can't imagine her with a guy who looks like this.

He looks a bit like the late 1970s singer Nick Drake.

[quote]Found of a photo of the father of Madonna's aborted baby, Andy Bird. He doesn't seem like her type at all. He must have a big dick, I can't imagine her with a guy who looks like this.

In the late 90’s, Madonna was desperate to get married, and when you’re in your 40’s and are a washed up cum slut, your options are slim when trying to find a husband.

[quote]when you’re in your 40’s and are a washed up cum slut

Well didn't she used to say she was a gay man trapped in a woman's body?

That article said Madonna made Andy disinfectant his feet before she allowed him in bed. ugh

Story by MADONNA.

Man, this will suck so bad and bomb like Hiroshima. She's incapable of looking at herself objectively and all her failures (marriages, movies) will be the fault of others. She will not be honest about her celebrity lovers either because, like them, she thinks they're gods on Olympus who deserve different standards.

Jasmine Guy?

I won't be watching.

What is Mr. Bird up to now? Fucking some other famous woman? Is he the male version of 'securing the purse'?

He's sure no boy toy now!

Now the old slut is peddling her Madame Flop perfume on IG.🙄

Madame X is a groundbreaking album. No wonder Madonna wanted to name a perfume after it.

Who wouldn't want to smell like an album that sold ten copies?

Will she include scenes of all the deejays in the 1980’s she blew or more to get her music played? This was very well known.

According to Variety, Madonna is hoping to land gay icon and living legend Billy Porter to play the leading role in Madge’s biopic. “Billy has the look, the drive, and the talent to really do me justice”, said the Material Girl to a friend. “Billy is an artistic genius who can play every emotion from A-B, just like me. Can you imagine the raw sexuality that nude scenes with Billy would have?” Madonna added.

No word from Billy’s camp if the mega star of Pussy has fallen for Madonna’s charms. Billy is a highly in demand actor, producer, baker, dancer, and chemist right now. Madonna may have to “Cherish the Thought” of not having a global force of nature that is Billy Porter in her film

[quote]Will she include scenes of all the deejays in the 1980’s she blew or more to get her music played?

That's rich coming from the community of those who drop to their knees in a filthy toilet stall to suck the unknown (and probably diseased) anonymous cock that pokes through a hole.

Speak for yourself whore

She had her kids dancing to Like a Virgin at David’s birthday party.

r100 - she looks and sounds great there. Her vocal quality is very "healthy" - she sounds like a woman who does not smoke or drink regularly. I would place her voice in the 26-30 range.

I'm very shocked by her vocal quality and health of vocals, because based on recent Insta feeds she has been putting force an image of heavy drinking, toking, and allegedly pill popping. But her voice sounds very, very healthy when speaking to her son and has same tonality as "Vogue" and "Express Yourself" recordings.

r101 It's my cum.

R101 WTF are you talking about? She sounds like she always does.

Hi Madge at R98!