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Farting

The health benefits of farting. Well, never in all my life!

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by Anonymousreply 73Last Sunday at 3:53 PM

I was once told by an intern, having been hospitalized for antibiotic treatment of diverticulitis, that I couldn't go home until I farted.

I went home as soon as sufficient gas was released.

by Anonymousreply 109/14/2020

I would have waited until the intern's face was turned and then made a loud farty sound with my mouth.

by Anonymousreply 209/14/2020

I have questions.

by Anonymousreply 309/14/2020

Does this apply to pussy farts?

Is it the cucumbers? I didn't think they had much carbohydrates.

by Anonymousreply 409/14/2020

I tried the "one cheek sneak" method and it ended up sounding like the saxophone in the Cagney & Lacey theme.

by Anonymousreply 509/14/2020

Better out than in!

by Anonymousreply 609/14/2020

I farted myself awake a few months back.

by Anonymousreply 709/14/2020

R7 ELDERGAY ALERT!!!!

by Anonymousreply 809/14/2020

What about sharting?

by Anonymousreply 909/14/2020

Carbs and the digestion of them are a huge source of gas. When I went on a strict keto diet, I stopped farting. Still had regular bowel function, I just stopped being bloated full of noxious gases. It was quite remarkable.

by Anonymousreply 1009/14/2020

It's amazing that when I am out socially, I may have to pee, but I never have to poop or pass gas. Back when I used to fly, it seemed like my bladder just turned off, and I only had to pee right after landing. But when I'm alone, it sounds like a brass band in my bedroom, and I always start humming "Stars and Stripes Forever".

by Anonymousreply 1109/14/2020

Do when did farting become nasty? Was it before or after humans took a necessary shit, or was it after someone discovered butt sex and sharted all over their bejeweled silk caftan and embroidered robes in public?

Who else likes farting under the bed comforter and smells it, especially after eating a bowl of broccoli?

(Raises hand) 🤚🏼

by Anonymousreply 1209/14/2020

Carbs and the digestion of them are a huge source of gas. When I went on a strict keto diet, I stopped farting. Still had regular bowel function, I just stopped being bloated full of noxious gases. It was quite remarkable.

Serious question: don't you get gas from eating vegetables like cauliflower or cabbage? I'm not familiar with the keto diet, so I don't know if it includes these foods, but I get gas from some vegetables too (in addition to carbs)

by Anonymousreply 1309/14/2020

I don't fart.

by Anonymousreply 1409/14/2020

I have wicked morning gas, like it registers 8.7 on the Rectum Scale. Huge, long, loud ones, about a dozen of them. Then nothing for the rest of the day.

by Anonymousreply 1509/14/2020

R8 I’m in my 30s.

by Anonymousreply 1609/14/2020

Gosh, the first sentence is so well written!

“Farting might be embarrassing—especially when it’s noticeable (sound, smell).”

I’m glad the writer clarified how a fart might be noticed. I would have been completely lost otherwise.

by Anonymousreply 1709/14/2020

After Dutch ovening Ethel Merman, Ernest Borgnine owns this thread

by Anonymousreply 1809/14/2020

Lesbians like to smell their own farts any truth to this saying? It comes from New Jersey.

by Anonymousreply 1909/14/2020

[quote] When I went on a strict keto diet, I stopped farting. Still had regular bowel function, I just stopped being bloated full of noxious gases. It was quite remarkable.

But I bet the bathroom smelled awful (more awful than normal) after a BM.

by Anonymousreply 2009/15/2020

Some scientists are beginning to claim that inhaling hydrogen sulfide (the chemical that gives flatulence its characteristic odor) is good for certain kinds of cells in the body and can stave off certain diseases. While this might be true, I'm never grateful to smell the gas of other people. Nothing worse than to be in an enclosed space, like an elevator, and to realize that someone has had a digestive episode. It's like a Twilight Zone episode.

by Anonymousreply 2109/15/2020

[quote]After Dutch ovening Ethel Merman, Ernest Borgnine owns this thread

You've got it backwards, the Merm dutch-ovened Ernie on their honeymoon

Ernie packed his bag and got a divorce...

That broad was always nasty

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by Anonymousreply 2209/15/2020

Ernie got his interlocutory too

Every female judge and clerk in LA County had smelled the Merm's nasty ass too many times

by Anonymousreply 2309/15/2020

Miss Merman has ruined more than one of my elegant dinner parties with her flatulence

No one of good breeding will even think of inviting her to their homes

And it's the same with that wonky-eyed Norma Shearer too

But MGM's PR department work overtime to keep that story from getting around Hollywood

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by Anonymousreply 2409/15/2020

Sorry wrong photo

Note to MGM:

Please do not confuse my post with Miss Helen Lawson

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by Anonymousreply 2509/15/2020

R11 what age are you?

by Anonymousreply 2609/15/2020

I once had confidence in a fart and shat myself.

by Anonymousreply 2709/15/2020

Medical fact:

Men fart more often than women, however women's farts smell more fowl than men's farts.

by Anonymousreply 2809/15/2020

[quote]No one of good breeding will even think of inviting her to their homes

"Good breeding", ha, that's rich!

Like Joanie didn't grow up in a whore house laundry on S Cherry St in San Antonio

All the flowers in LA can't keep your shit from stinking Lucy LeSewer

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by Anonymousreply 2909/15/2020

[quote] women's farts smell more fowl than men's farts

Oh dear!

by Anonymousreply 3009/15/2020

Why do you think Bette chain-smoked?

She wanted to disguise the smell coming from her crotch area

Her vagina and rectum had become so loose - she couldn't control her non-stop farts and queefs

Wardrobe even took to sewing diapers in her more expensive costumes

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by Anonymousreply 3109/15/2020

Confucius say : crowded elevator smell different to midget.

by Anonymousreply 3209/15/2020

Just think about how everyone you pass in your day to day life has a high likelihood of farting. You're walking through a cloud of farts all the time.

by Anonymousreply 3309/15/2020

It's a big turn off when a cutie does a big smelly ripper.

by Anonymousreply 3409/15/2020

I get some nasty farts sometimes. One time, I was at a department store and crop dusted an aisle. A couple minutes later I hear a dad yelling at his kid "I told you to let me know when you need to go to the bathroom! You're too old to be shitting yourself!" I felt bad for the poor kid but still giggled.

by Anonymousreply 3509/15/2020

My farts smell like Arpege by Lanvin.

by Anonymousreply 3609/15/2020

If you poot them out near a craft or catering table the smell blends with some of the food on display.

by Anonymousreply 3709/15/2020

[quote]If you poot them out near a craft or catering table the smell blends with some of the food on display.

And if you should accidentally shart

you just dump it in one of Samantha Marie Ware's wigs

by Anonymousreply 3809/15/2020

[quote]…and to realize that someone has had a digestive episode…

A "digestive episode"…I fuckin' LOVE IT! I will never say "fart" again.

"Hey, what's that smell? Did you just have a digestive episode?"

"Uh, oh, better stand downwind. I just had a pretty bad digestive episode."

"Alright, which one of you had a digestive episode?"

by Anonymousreply 3909/15/2020

R28 Our farts do NOT smell like chicken?

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by Anonymousreply 4009/15/2020

Hello farter

by Anonymousreply 4109/15/2020

Digestive episode?

"I ripped ass" is a lot shorter

by Anonymousreply 4209/15/2020

Bullocks verteth

by Anonymousreply 4309/15/2020

Buck would not have farted.

by Anonymousreply 4409/15/2020

R44 that's what you think

by Anonymousreply 4509/15/2020

Everyone may snicker at farting but one of the best feelings in life is a nice big fart.

by Anonymousreply 4609/15/2020

I refuse to believe that Audrey Hepburn ever farted. So there.

by Anonymousreply 4709/16/2020

R47 That's because Audrey Hepburn hardly ever ate.

One of her sons wrote that she would just eat two small biscuits for her dinner.

by Anonymousreply 4809/16/2020

Julie Andrews wrote in her autobiography that Rex Harrison suffered from chronic flatulence.

He would let loose repeatedly onstage during performances of My Fair Lady.

by Anonymousreply 4909/16/2020

Lucy was going to fart once, but Gary talked her out of it.

And then she died.

by Anonymousreply 5009/16/2020

We think of them as merely the appetizer that prepares the palate for the main course.

by Anonymousreply 5109/16/2020

Farts are the gateways to the hole.

by Anonymousreply 5209/16/2020

Farts are the ghosts of things we ate.

by Anonymousreply 5309/16/2020

I love farting. It makes me giddy!

by Anonymousreply 5409/16/2020

One of the few upsides of the Covid quarantine is that I can pretty much fart any time I like throughout the day...

The only time I hold it in is at the table with the family....

Other than that, it's sweet farting freedom

by Anonymousreply 5509/16/2020

I once bent over in a library looking for a particular book in an aisle facing rows of tables with people quietly reading and accidentally let out a very loud fart. Embarrassed I fled to another aisle in the library.

by Anonymousreply 5609/16/2020

ROFL ^^

by Anonymousreply 57Last Thursday at 4:38 AM

Meghan McCain looks like the type who could clear a room.

by Anonymousreply 58Last Thursday at 8:03 AM

He who pass gas in church sit in own pew.

by Anonymousreply 59Last Thursday at 2:06 PM

I always feel ten pounds lighter after a good flatulent belch.

by Anonymousreply 60Last Thursday at 2:23 PM

I like to break wind on dates in bed while he’s eating my ass. Gives him pink eye

by Anonymousreply 61Last Friday at 3:54 PM

when i worked at the sizzler i would fart on steaks before serving them.

by Anonymousreply 62Last Saturday at 6:34 AM

[quote]when i worked at the sizzler i would fart on steaks before serving them.

They charge extra for that at the Sizzler in Ventura.

by Anonymousreply 63Last Saturday at 12:41 PM

Did you fart? NOPE

Did you shit? YUP

by Anonymousreply 64Last Saturday at 6:31 PM

Stealth scat thread.

by Anonymousreply 65Last Saturday at 9:16 PM

[quote]when i worked at the sizzler i would fart on steaks before serving them.

[quote]They charge extra for that at the Sizzler in Ventura.

We charge extra for that too at my restaurant, y'all!

Gives it that down-home funky flavor...the tourist just LOVE IT!

Sometimes I let my boys do the fartin', 'cause I'm a good Mama!

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by Anonymousreply 66Last Sunday at 1:15 AM

My frau christian sister in law won't let her kids say fart because she considers it rude, my nieces and nephews have to say 'pop off'. I want to be there the day one of the kids comes home from school and calls their sibling a fucking cunt!

by Anonymousreply 67Last Sunday at 3:27 AM

FART is vulgar.

I say PASSING WIND.

by Anonymousreply 68Last Sunday at 3:57 AM

r68, Honey, you post on The Data Lounge, vulgarity is your first language

by Anonymousreply 69Last Sunday at 4:10 AM

"Passing wind" sounds like it's dead.

by Anonymousreply 70Last Sunday at 7:18 AM

Still hilarious

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by Anonymousreply 71Last Sunday at 7:39 AM

A fart is just air passing over feces.

by Anonymousreply 72Last Sunday at 2:12 PM

There is much psychological [italic]sturm und drang[/italic] involving shit, but a fart—a fart is for FUN!

by Anonymousreply 73Last Sunday at 3:53 PM
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