Farting

I was once told by an intern, having been hospitalized for antibiotic treatment of diverticulitis, that I couldn't go home until I farted.

I went home as soon as sufficient gas was released.

I would have waited until the intern's face was turned and then made a loud farty sound with my mouth.

I have questions.

Does this apply to pussy farts?

Is it the cucumbers? I didn't think they had much carbohydrates.

I tried the "one cheek sneak" method and it ended up sounding like the saxophone in the Cagney & Lacey theme.

Better out than in!

I farted myself awake a few months back.

R7 ELDERGAY ALERT!!!!

What about sharting?

Carbs and the digestion of them are a huge source of gas. When I went on a strict keto diet, I stopped farting. Still had regular bowel function, I just stopped being bloated full of noxious gases. It was quite remarkable.

It's amazing that when I am out socially, I may have to pee, but I never have to poop or pass gas. Back when I used to fly, it seemed like my bladder just turned off, and I only had to pee right after landing. But when I'm alone, it sounds like a brass band in my bedroom, and I always start humming "Stars and Stripes Forever".

Do when did farting become nasty? Was it before or after humans took a necessary shit, or was it after someone discovered butt sex and sharted all over their bejeweled silk caftan and embroidered robes in public?

Who else likes farting under the bed comforter and smells it, especially after eating a bowl of broccoli?

(Raises hand) 🤚🏼

Carbs and the digestion of them are a huge source of gas. When I went on a strict keto diet, I stopped farting. Still had regular bowel function, I just stopped being bloated full of noxious gases. It was quite remarkable.

Serious question: don't you get gas from eating vegetables like cauliflower or cabbage? I'm not familiar with the keto diet, so I don't know if it includes these foods, but I get gas from some vegetables too (in addition to carbs)

I don't fart.

I have wicked morning gas, like it registers 8.7 on the Rectum Scale. Huge, long, loud ones, about a dozen of them. Then nothing for the rest of the day.

R8 I’m in my 30s.

Gosh, the first sentence is so well written!

“Farting might be embarrassing—especially when it’s noticeable (sound, smell).”

I’m glad the writer clarified how a fart might be noticed. I would have been completely lost otherwise.

After Dutch ovening Ethel Merman, Ernest Borgnine owns this thread

Lesbians like to smell their own farts any truth to this saying? It comes from New Jersey.

[quote] When I went on a strict keto diet, I stopped farting. Still had regular bowel function, I just stopped being bloated full of noxious gases. It was quite remarkable.

But I bet the bathroom smelled awful (more awful than normal) after a BM.

Some scientists are beginning to claim that inhaling hydrogen sulfide (the chemical that gives flatulence its characteristic odor) is good for certain kinds of cells in the body and can stave off certain diseases. While this might be true, I'm never grateful to smell the gas of other people. Nothing worse than to be in an enclosed space, like an elevator, and to realize that someone has had a digestive episode. It's like a Twilight Zone episode.

[quote]After Dutch ovening Ethel Merman, Ernest Borgnine owns this thread

You've got it backwards, the Merm dutch-ovened Ernie on their honeymoon

Ernie packed his bag and got a divorce...

That broad was always nasty

Ernie got his interlocutory too

Every female judge and clerk in LA County had smelled the Merm's nasty ass too many times

Miss Merman has ruined more than one of my elegant dinner parties with her flatulence

No one of good breeding will even think of inviting her to their homes

And it's the same with that wonky-eyed Norma Shearer too

But MGM's PR department work overtime to keep that story from getting around Hollywood

Sorry wrong photo

Note to MGM:

Please do not confuse my post with Miss Helen Lawson

R11 what age are you?

I once had confidence in a fart and shat myself.

Medical fact:

Men fart more often than women, however women's farts smell more fowl than men's farts.

[quote]No one of good breeding will even think of inviting her to their homes

"Good breeding", ha, that's rich!

Like Joanie didn't grow up in a whore house laundry on S Cherry St in San Antonio

All the flowers in LA can't keep your shit from stinking Lucy LeSewer

[quote] women's farts smell more fowl than men's farts

Oh dear!

Why do you think Bette chain-smoked?

She wanted to disguise the smell coming from her crotch area

Her vagina and rectum had become so loose - she couldn't control her non-stop farts and queefs

Wardrobe even took to sewing diapers in her more expensive costumes

Confucius say : crowded elevator smell different to midget.

Just think about how everyone you pass in your day to day life has a high likelihood of farting. You're walking through a cloud of farts all the time.

It's a big turn off when a cutie does a big smelly ripper.

I get some nasty farts sometimes. One time, I was at a department store and crop dusted an aisle. A couple minutes later I hear a dad yelling at his kid "I told you to let me know when you need to go to the bathroom! You're too old to be shitting yourself!" I felt bad for the poor kid but still giggled.

My farts smell like Arpege by Lanvin.

If you poot them out near a craft or catering table the smell blends with some of the food on display.

[quote]If you poot them out near a craft or catering table the smell blends with some of the food on display.

And if you should accidentally shart

you just dump it in one of Samantha Marie Ware's wigs

[quote]…and to realize that someone has had a digestive episode…

A "digestive episode"…I fuckin' LOVE IT! I will never say "fart" again.

"Hey, what's that smell? Did you just have a digestive episode?"

"Uh, oh, better stand downwind. I just had a pretty bad digestive episode."

"Alright, which one of you had a digestive episode?"

R28 Our farts do NOT smell like chicken?

Hello farter

Digestive episode?

"I ripped ass" is a lot shorter

Bullocks verteth

Buck would not have farted.

R44 that's what you think

Everyone may snicker at farting but one of the best feelings in life is a nice big fart.

I refuse to believe that Audrey Hepburn ever farted. So there.

R47 That's because Audrey Hepburn hardly ever ate.

One of her sons wrote that she would just eat two small biscuits for her dinner.

Julie Andrews wrote in her autobiography that Rex Harrison suffered from chronic flatulence.

He would let loose repeatedly onstage during performances of My Fair Lady.

Lucy was going to fart once, but Gary talked her out of it.

And then she died.

We think of them as merely the appetizer that prepares the palate for the main course.

Farts are the gateways to the hole.

Farts are the ghosts of things we ate.

I love farting. It makes me giddy!

One of the few upsides of the Covid quarantine is that I can pretty much fart any time I like throughout the day...

The only time I hold it in is at the table with the family....

Other than that, it's sweet farting freedom

I once bent over in a library looking for a particular book in an aisle facing rows of tables with people quietly reading and accidentally let out a very loud fart. Embarrassed I fled to another aisle in the library.

ROFL ^^

Meghan McCain looks like the type who could clear a room.

He who pass gas in church sit in own pew.

I always feel ten pounds lighter after a good flatulent belch.

I like to break wind on dates in bed while he’s eating my ass. Gives him pink eye

when i worked at the sizzler i would fart on steaks before serving them.

[quote]when i worked at the sizzler i would fart on steaks before serving them.

They charge extra for that at the Sizzler in Ventura.

Did you fart? NOPE

Did you shit? YUP

Stealth scat thread.

[quote]when i worked at the sizzler i would fart on steaks before serving them.

[quote]They charge extra for that at the Sizzler in Ventura.

We charge extra for that too at my restaurant, y'all!

Gives it that down-home funky flavor...the tourist just LOVE IT!

Sometimes I let my boys do the fartin', 'cause I'm a good Mama!

My frau christian sister in law won't let her kids say fart because she considers it rude, my nieces and nephews have to say 'pop off'. I want to be there the day one of the kids comes home from school and calls their sibling a fucking cunt!

FART is vulgar.

I say PASSING WIND.

r68, Honey, you post on The Data Lounge, vulgarity is your first language

"Passing wind" sounds like it's dead.

Still hilarious

A fart is just air passing over feces.

There is much psychological [italic]sturm und drang[/italic] involving shit, but a fart—a fart is for FUN!