So weird that gay men just don’t respond to me socially
All my life, I’ve tried to make friends with gay guys (and I do have some), but generalyl gay men ignore me. Some even actively ignore me—I’ll go up to them and say hi in a social situation, and they start acting like they have something else to do.
I have is a great memory for faces, so I will often see the same people time and time again, but, each time I say hi, they act like they’ve never seen me before.
For the longest time I thought I was utterly hideous or something—but I’m not. I have no idea why some men just wipe me from their memory or try to avoid even having a conversation.
I guess life goes on—but I’ve been baffled about this for forever.
|by Anonymous||reply 43||Last Friday at 1:08 PM|
Maybe it's the situations? Catty gays are the worst, so if you're in some context with that, that could be it? Can you volunteer with a gay-based membership organization - then at least the gays you'd be around are trying to do good, and in a positive situation.
|by Anonymous||reply 2||09/13/2020|
What do you think is wrong with you?
|by Anonymous||reply 3||09/13/2020|
Are you a boring conversationalist or Asian?
|by Anonymous||reply 4||09/13/2020|
Probably because of your stupid posts "Do I have to have. Slutty phase?" etc.
|by Anonymous||reply 5||09/13/2020|
Are you effeminate, OP? I notice that seems to happen when effeminate gays approach other gays.
|by Anonymous||reply 6||09/13/2020|
I think it’s because you’re a nasty cunt. Takes one to know one babe.
|by Anonymous||reply 7||09/13/2020|
OP, let's face it, many gay men are deeply superficial, snobbish and rather unpleasant. Unless you're hot and rich they won't give you the time of day.
|by Anonymous||reply 8||09/13/2020|
Ive tried out various things to see if men react better— I’m 5’8, so just at the higher end of pocket gay. When I wear my boots, I gain about another inch. Men react way more positively to me when I’m taller.
Also, whenever I have a goatee, i also get more attention.
This is why I’ve always related it to looks.
|by Anonymous||reply 9||09/13/2020|
How old are you supposed to be in this post? 25 still? or a different age?
|by Anonymous||reply 10||09/13/2020|
Stop directing energy toward people that don't appreciate you.
|by Anonymous||reply 11||09/13/2020|
Gay “friends” will also drop you like a hot potato when you’re going through difficult times. We’re all damaged goods because we didn’t grow up like heterosexual kids do. I hope the new generations will be better at being kind to one another.
|by Anonymous||reply 12||09/13/2020|
I think this has happened to all of us. I am good looking guy and I find it hard to connect with gay men. I have about 6 close friends and that is all I need. I also connect with straights way better.
|by Anonymous||reply 13||09/13/2020|
what R11 said...at some point you just move on
|by Anonymous||reply 14||09/13/2020|
This isn't meant to be snarky but are you sure you don't have bad breath? To get that immediate type of reaction just seems weird. Quite often people with bad breath don't realize it because they are so use to it they just don't smell it.
|by Anonymous||reply 15||09/13/2020|
I was in the same boat for a long time -- I have many friends made up of lots of different circles. Some of them are coincidentally gay; it's not like I go out of my way to make gay friends. I was friendly with this gay couple for a while and they had a wide circle of friends, almost all of whom were gay. A few straight women and their boyfriends. I would go to their parties and . . . nothing. I couldn't get past whatever barrier (no, R15, not bad breath ha ha) barrier there was. I am attractive and fun to be with, very open and friendly. Nothing on paper would seem to be amiss but I just couldn't enjoy a conversation, much less make a friend, at these parties. I never did figure it out, though maybe because I didn't live in the "right" gayborhood, or have some fabulous job. Whatever it was, it was. I stopped going to their parties and we drifted apart.
|by Anonymous||reply 16||09/13/2020|
It just takes one mean bitch to poison all your gurlinas against you.
|by Anonymous||reply 17||09/13/2020|
Same here, OP. I have quite a few close friends, many friendships of 40 year duration, but none of them are gay men except my ex and my partner. No idea why, and long since don't care.
|by Anonymous||reply 18||09/13/2020|
Are you only approaching attractive men, OP?
|by Anonymous||reply 19||09/13/2020|
Same here, OP. I told my ex that once- after some party we attended- and he said, "I've noticed that". Ugh.
|by Anonymous||reply 20||09/13/2020|
Depends on who you're attempting to connect with, OP. I would look for guys who have similar interests who just happen to be gay rather than guys with whom being gay is the only thing you have in common.
|by Anonymous||reply 21||09/13/2020|
Similar situation here. Once I am introduced to someone by a mutual friend, things are fine. But I must not seem worth the time as a stranger. Average to above average looks back in my younger days. It fueled my insecurity for a while. Then I realized most gay men are actually not interesting to me. I've got a gay and straight friends that I treasure and they are like family. But after living in gayborhoods in several major cities for 20 years, I love that I have grown out and away from all that. For where I am in life now, it seems silly and exhausting to be around mainly gay men all the time.
|by Anonymous||reply 22||09/13/2020|
I think there are 2 things at play here:
1) If a gay man comes up and talks to you out of nowhere, there's a point of - is he hitting on me and if so, how do I get out of this? It's difficult to identify the social acquaintance with someone who is interested in you sexually.
I've had many, many instances where the chatter starts off friendly and then it becomes full-on pick-up and they get offended if you're not reciprocating.
2) Many gay men have developed social phobias to a certain degree from the abuse, criticism, and being on the outside for their developing years. I admit that I have one. I go into social situations expecting the worst - which is really unhealthy and irrational. With straight people, I'm constantly wondering how they're sizing me up - can they be trusted? Are they homophobes/Trumpers? I've extended that to most social situations unfortunately - including gay men.
Some people (usually straight) go into social situations with a positive attitude and look forward to it. I'm always very leery - usually for good reason and from practical life experience. I hate that I do that and don't give people the benefit of the doubt - and I'm trying to change that, but it's hard after so many years. And many chatty, overly-friendly people have an alterior motive for that.
|by Anonymous||reply 23||09/13/2020|
I don't think this is a gay thing. I've led a really "social" life = lots of cocktail parties. No one suspected I was gay, but I noticed how people suck at conversation and socializing. I burnt out on the whole thing and now hate going to ANYTHING. I've moved from L.A. to the suburbs and It's even worse. Backyard BBQ's where there are kids in earshot, so you have to censor yourself. Everyone is straight and boring. Or worse... CHRISTIAN REPUBLICANS!
But, back to you OP... I think social media has played a part in changing how people interact. There's been a deterioration of simple social skills. Don't take it personally.
|by Anonymous||reply 24||09/13/2020|
Maybe there is a horrible rumor that was spread about you.
|by Anonymous||reply 26||09/13/2020|
Pretend to be straight... they'll be all over you!!!!
|by Anonymous||reply 27||09/13/2020|
R23 I totally agree. You theory sounds spot on based on my experience.
|by Anonymous||reply 28||09/13/2020|
Now OP comes to mention it, I have always been subtly mocked, bullied and even sometimes ostracised by other gays of both sex, all ages and walks of life. My worst critics and tormentors throughout school turned out to be gay. Even my lesbian gym teachers would take potshots at me and make sure I got picked last or got balls tossed at me (no pun intended).
While I certainly have my faults - passivity, a sharpness of tongue in stressful moments, occasional moodiness - generally I’m what is considered to be an accepting, sweet, generous and friendly person with a good sense of humour, so I don’t know the vibe I’m giving off to which my sistren object. I wash daily smell ok, too. Maybe I’m being too nice?
Almost all of my female friends have been straights, excepting a couple of bisexuals. I have only ever had one lesbian friend, and that was a short-lived teenaged friendship that went terribly sour because she was insecure and cut me off (she went off the rails about something in her personal life unrelated to me). Not counting DL - where some of you have been incredibly kind to me - I have never been treated in a friendly way by gay men & boys, either.
I don’t even like straight people, not do I find them interesting or relatable. But I’m forced to tolerate them as friends, because I have been pushed out of the gay community.
|by Anonymous||reply 29||09/13/2020|
OP, you type, fat, old, too hairy, and uncut.
|by Anonymous||reply 30||09/13/2020|
... you forgot Asian, Femme, and Meth-y, R30
|by Anonymous||reply 31||09/13/2020|
OP: I uunderstand your situation. Same thing happens to me. Gay men are always looking for the next best thing. In the end, none of us have a ton of friends. Develop the ones you have, and look for the new friends in small doses and only those with whom you have common ground. Making fiends is hard and takingkes a lot of consistent work over time. We all have acquaintances, but they don't often fill the void especially when we feel we are reaching out and getting no response. If you gain one of two more friends through your efforts, you'll be a lucky man. Don't give up though. We all need friends.
|by Anonymous||reply 32||09/13/2020|
As I have gotten older, I feel like everyone I meet is fuckin' crazy!!!! If I just "wait for it, wait for it...." BOOM!!!! CRAZY suddenly emerges and then I have to run for the hills. I just like being alone and sparring with you cunty bitches here. That's all I need from gay men. (That, and your dirty sex tapes!)
|by Anonymous||reply 33||09/13/2020|
When I came out as a young gayling of 16 in LA, I thought being an out gay let me into this secret and supportive society, with a child like assumption that just because we are all gay, life would be awesome. I went in very trusting and ended up being extra distrusting of gay men by the time I was out of college.It seemed like gays either wanted to fuck me or my boyfriend if I was dating. At 40, I would really like to change that and have a few gay friends - I was planning on doing some sort of gay sporting league or something. I think a lot of gays are distrustful of each other, but solid gay groups of friends exist and I do feel jealous of them.
|by Anonymous||reply 34||09/13/2020|
On experience I had symbolizes my whole issue:
Year ago, I was waiting in line for concert tickets. I got there early and there was a group of 4 gay guys right in front of me. We all got there hours before the box office opened and were sitting on the sidewalk.
After a while, everyone started chatting with one another. While the straight people behind me in line were just fine having a conversation, every time I tried to talk to the gay group in front of me, they would basically ignore me.
After about an hour of this, my best friend and amazing faghag showed up to stand with me in line. She said one sentence to me and then suddenly all the gays in front of me start chatting with her! It was so weird after they had spent so much time actively ignoring me.
|by Anonymous||reply 35||Last Monday at 12:34 PM|
Try Crest Gum "De-toxify" toothpaste and a chlorhexidine mouth wash before approaching the gays.
|by Anonymous||reply 36||Last Monday at 12:41 PM|
Uh oh. This might be a troll thread. The phrase “spot on” is a huge red flag.
What could the angle be here?
|by Anonymous||reply 37||Last Monday at 12:51 PM|
I've been to so many cocktail parties in DC where so many people are socially inept, posers etc...I found that they are the problem.
|by Anonymous||reply 38||Last Monday at 1:59 PM|
Honey, it’s not just gays. Everyone’s a cunt. IDGAF. I smile at everyone and say hello if I’m in the mood to, and if people say hello back and smile, great. If not, I’m not getting my panties in a bunch over it. 99% of the time, it’s not personal, and if it is, then they’re insane because they don’t even know me, so why would I want to chat with nut jobs who have a chip on their shoulder, anyhow.
Also, we all do this. Most of us know why we smile back and offer a hello in response to friendly people socializing on the supermarket as just being civil, or at a party, same as we know why we don’t reciprocate. If a person looks totally fucking crazy or is swinging an ax, chances are we’re not saying hi.
Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you are a nuts, sometimes sane people are having an off day and feel nuts, sometimes they really are 100% nuts, sometimes you wanna hang out with nuts, and sometimes you don’t.
Everyone is free to be whatever, as long as they watch out for the squirrels.
|by Anonymous||reply 39||Last Monday at 2:17 PM|
[quote] The phrase “spot on” is a huge red flag.
|by Anonymous||reply 40||Last Monday at 4:27 PM|
R35 : Some guys have been conditioned to see men who sleep with women (straight/bi) as people whereas gay men are only there to fuck or ridicule.
|by Anonymous||reply 41||Last Tuesday at 5:52 PM|
Have you tried presenting hole, OP? It works a treat in most any situation.
|by Anonymous||reply 42||Last Tuesday at 6:17 PM|
There is a lot of crazy out there and then there is a lot of medicated people too.
|by Anonymous||reply 43||Last Friday at 1:08 PM|