I only have 40% field of vision because of my ridiculously thick eyelashes.
|by Anonymous||reply 146||09/18/2020|
I have to have the front of my trousers let out due to my rather large package.
|by Anonymous||reply 1||09/12/2020|
My hair is so long and thick my arms get tired while I’m brushing it.
|by Anonymous||reply 2||09/12/2020|
I don't read any books. I'm too busy writing my own.
|by Anonymous||reply 3||09/12/2020|
It's hard for me to watch American idol because I have perfect pitch.
|by Anonymous||reply 4||09/12/2020|
My naturally curly hair is such high maintenance. It takes a lot of work to get these glossy ringlets that people want to touch.
|by Anonymous||reply 5||09/12/2020|
It's terribly difficult finding anything watchable on television when you have an IQ of 180.
|by Anonymous||reply 6||09/12/2020|
It's so terrifying when all these creepy men stare at my exposed chest, 23-inch waist, and 36-inch hips in my brocade body-con dress.
|by Anonymous||reply 7||09/12/2020|
I have 3 million dollars cash. Three totally paid off properties, bonds and stock. Plus I make 200k a year.
I can't sleep at night all that won't even cover my toilette paper budget for retirement.
|by Anonymous||reply 8||09/12/2020|
Well you know what they say, nothing certain in life except death and taxes. I don’t have a problem with either, even though the dividends in my portfolio consistently push me into the highest tax bracket. Sigh.... What can you do?
|by Anonymous||reply 9||09/12/2020|
It took me a lot longer than I thought it would to earn my first million.
|by Anonymous||reply 10||09/12/2020|
I'm not particularly healthy, but my resting heart rate has always been in the low 50s. Genetics...
|by Anonymous||reply 11||09/12/2020|
It gets exhausting dealing with so much unwanted attention, you have no idea.
|by Anonymous||reply 12||09/13/2020|
Honestly, if I get carded one more time trying to buy liquor...I will lose my shit. Also, it's a fight just to get my rightful senior discount, EVERY TIME at Joanne's!
|by Anonymous||reply 13||09/13/2020|
I can’t believe that Harvard is forcing me to attend online courses this semester.
|by Anonymous||reply 14||09/13/2020|
Coronavirus is hitting my business hard! I'll be lucky if I only make $7.5 million this year.
|by Anonymous||reply 15||09/13/2020|
I have trouble buying pants that don't look stupid on me because I have no ass but a huge dick.
|by Anonymous||reply 16||09/13/2020|
it’s such a relief to no longer have to run four houses.
|by Anonymous||reply 17||09/13/2020|
I have to say I'm dreading my 30th birthday.
|by Anonymous||reply 18||09/13/2020|
It's so hard finding clothes that fit. Sometimes I have to shop in the children's department!
|by Anonymous||reply 19||09/13/2020|
My snatch is as tight as a drum still
|by Anonymous||reply 20||09/13/2020|
I have so many friends who invite me to so many parties and events I can't ever seem to have time for myself!
|by Anonymous||reply 21||09/13/2020|
I was finally able to send the Dominican orgy away this morning because we ran out of meth. One of them was graceful enough to bring back Starbucks for me and I’m so grateful the weekend doorman was discreet, and none of them stole anything on the way out, and my Jewish grandmother roommate with her name on the lease didn’t come home early!
|by Anonymous||reply 22||09/13/2020|
My farts are so loud, they shatter glass
|by Anonymous||reply 23||09/13/2020|
"I had to buy a tux to wear to all the events I'm invited to." Direct quote from a tosser I was once interested in dating. Until the morning that shit came out of his precious mouth.
|by Anonymous||reply 24||09/13/2020|
It's impossible going to Central Park these days with all of the people that refuse to wear masks. I have to settle for looking at the park from my 2,000 square foot terrace at the Beresford.
|by Anonymous||reply 25||09/13/2020|
"Every day is such an unbearable burden, to go through it with not just white privilege, but rich, white, extremely good looking privilege. I feel so guilty."
|by Anonymous||reply 26||09/13/2020|
it's difficult knowing whether guys like me for me or my 7.999 inch BIG mushroom head THICK penis.
|by Anonymous||reply 27||09/13/2020|
My whole childhood I had the burden of being my mom's favorite.
|by Anonymous||reply 28||09/13/2020|
It's so difficult for me to find men who can handle my enormous cock.
|by Anonymous||reply 29||09/13/2020|
I'm so embarrassed that Chris Evans leaked my dick pic.
|by Anonymous||reply 30||09/13/2020|
I'm versatile and out of the closet, but if Shawn comes over again and begs me to fuck him, I'll be a understanding and generous and do it. Even if he's not my type.
|by Anonymous||reply 31||09/13/2020|
You’re so lucky you’re not on the A list!
|by Anonymous||reply 32||09/13/2020|
I eat and eat and I just can't gain weight. I've had speedy metabolism my whole life! (SIGH).
|by Anonymous||reply 33||09/13/2020|
"Winning the EGOT this early in my career deprives me of incentives for further greatness."
|by Anonymous||reply 34||09/13/2020|
Love in the bushes Bramble Hug
|by Anonymous||reply 35||09/13/2020|
What I was growing up I didn't know I had a big dick. I just thought everyone else was really really small.
|by Anonymous||reply 36||09/13/2020|
I never got to be single. I moved from my parents' house, into my husband's house.
|by Anonymous||reply 37||09/13/2020|
I wish I could make regular friends more easily, but we tend to hang out with each other because only other celebrities truly understand the burdens of fame.
|by Anonymous||reply 38||09/13/2020|
It’s really not as much as you might think, after paying the taxes, agents, managers, accountants, lawyers, security people, personal assistants household staff and whatnot.
|by Anonymous||reply 39||09/13/2020|
Yes, it’s a lot of house, but what’s really frustrating is how little time I actually get to spend in it. I don’t know why I bother owning houses.
|by Anonymous||reply 40||09/13/2020|
Of course it’s great fun being loaned fabulous jewels by Harry Winston, Bulgari, Chopard and the like, but they expect them back in the morning, so just as you’ve gotten used to the weight, off they go. You never feel anything is yours.
|by Anonymous||reply 41||09/13/2020|
I hope you don’t mind the Lambo. The Bugatti’s in the shop AGAIN.
|by Anonymous||reply 42||09/13/2020|
“Where do you go to school?”
|by Anonymous||reply 43||09/13/2020|
I love having three kids, but it's so hard to find a decent four bedroom apartment.
|by Anonymous||reply 44||09/13/2020|
The downside of being extremely intelligent is having to stifle the urge to correct all the stupid things you hear people say.
|by Anonymous||reply 45||09/13/2020|
I’m so sorry the children won’t be able to enjoy the pool, but it’s been covered over in preparation for a party I have to throw this weekend for the Queen of Belgium.
|by Anonymous||reply 46||09/13/2020|
I suppose a chalet on the slopes is convenient, but the silly thing is I don’t even ski since the accident in Gstaad.
|by Anonymous||reply 47||09/13/2020|
Was so hard to redesign Rose Garden.
|by Anonymous||reply 48||09/13/2020|
Scruff crashes for me because I get too many messages and woofs.
|by Anonymous||reply 49||09/13/2020|
R27 a big mushroom head is nothing to brag about. That makes for ugly dicks.
|by Anonymous||reply 50||09/13/2020|
I've been so busy, what with my international best seller and my company going public.
|by Anonymous||reply 51||09/13/2020|
I’m so sexy & handsome, straight men can’t resist me
|by Anonymous||reply 52||09/13/2020|
"My nephews just can't seem to find themselves. They're both just acting in soap operas at the moment."
|by Anonymous||reply 53||09/13/2020|
I was hoping, in my heart and silently because I didn't want to let everyone with the film down, that I wouldn't win another Oscar. Seeing that desperation in people's eyes is so sad. I hate being even innocently associated with their feeling like useless losers.
|by Anonymous||reply 54||09/13/2020|
I try to be there for younger guys to serve as a mentor, but they always want the relationship to be more physical.
|by Anonymous||reply 55||09/13/2020|
You're so lucky not ever to have had a boyfriend, Effie. You can go home and eat anything you want without considering what the other person in the house wants.
|by Anonymous||reply 56||09/13/2020|
I don't care about jewelry and would rather have the money go to charity, but Bob loves to see me dressed up.
|by Anonymous||reply 57||09/13/2020|
My cock isn't all that big. It just looks that way because I'm so lean.
|by Anonymous||reply 58||09/13/2020|
I’m authorized to post on the Datalounge.
|by Anonymous||reply 59||09/13/2020|
I wouldn’t be caught dead watching any of my films.
|by Anonymous||reply 60||09/13/2020|
Do you think it’s fun always being the hottest guy in the room?
|by Anonymous||reply 61||09/13/2020|
I have to wear boxer briefs because of my large testicles. Anything tighter and it's painful.
|by Anonymous||reply 62||09/13/2020|
"I'm the greatest British South Asian actor in the world, the hottest too! Don't forget, I went to Oxford!"
|by Anonymous||reply 63||09/14/2020|
I didn't attend McCain's funeral because I hated being the smartest in the room.
|by Anonymous||reply 64||09/14/2020|
I ate at Olive Garden last night.
|by Anonymous||reply 65||09/14/2020|
Welcome to my tiny beach cottage. I hope that 6 bedrooms and 6 bathrooms won't feel too cramped to you.
|by Anonymous||reply 66||09/14/2020|
Bartender in 1998. The gay dance club had their annual photo shoot and the photographer took a liking to me while shooting the entire bar staff of extremely hot guys. An entire roll had been overexposed, so all they had to work with for the year were photos of ME.
It quickly became an embarrassment of riches. I was like a gay Brad Pitt- and dreaded opening the gay newspapers every week and a full page of ME looking back. The jealousy and hostility ran high with the other bartenders as well.
After being on the cover of an international gay guide magazine, being told by a cute young twins that “I was nothing like what he thought I’d be”.
|by Anonymous||reply 67||09/14/2020|
Ugh, the men in this city. I've already had them all.
|by Anonymous||reply 68||09/14/2020|
I'm having such a rough day. I got nails in 2 of my car tires and I'm stuck waiting for the repair guy to get here. The Rolls Royce concierge service just isn't what it used to be.
|by Anonymous||reply 69||09/14/2020|
"Ugh, the men in this city. I've already had them all."
Your dedication to being the town cum dump is admirable.
Wait, what game are we playing?
|by Anonymous||reply 70||09/14/2020|
"The downside of serving up so much trans realness is that you can never be clocked -- honey, NOBODY has any idea! -- so you have to be careful winding up with that one percent of hot straight men that don't like dick."
|by Anonymous||reply 71||09/14/2020|
All my new neighbors hate me I’m afraid, but having the largest mansion in town has been my goal for the last 6 year that it took to build it.
|by Anonymous||reply 72||09/14/2020|
Yeah it's true, I was too lazy to make Harvard Law Review, but I was pretty distracted during fashion weeks walking the runways.
|by Anonymous||reply 73||09/14/2020|
I prefer Houghton over Buckingham.
|by Anonymous||reply 74||09/14/2020|
My husband won't let me work because it makes him feel like a real man to provide for me.
|by Anonymous||reply 75||09/14/2020|
R75 not to brag, but that’s my life. I’m a full time student though.
|by Anonymous||reply 76||09/14/2020|
You're lucky you grew up among such colorful characters. Swiss boarding school was such a bore.
|by Anonymous||reply 77||09/14/2020|
How fabulous! First time I have ever been in the front seat.
|by Anonymous||reply 78||09/14/2020|
Could you explain to me again about how commercial flying works again? Everybody is assigned a seat? Why? Why not let everyone sit where they want? People are always flitting around the cabin socializing in any case. Who wants to sit in one chair the whole trip?
|by Anonymous||reply 79||09/14/2020|
A few weeks ago I remembered how to write a check as I paid for my new car. The dealer told me how much I'd have to pay and I wrote the check for the amount. Haggling is such a waste if time.
|by Anonymous||reply 80||09/14/2020|
Guys tell me I'm sexy, but I don't believe them.
|by Anonymous||reply 81||09/14/2020|
I know what you’re saying, R80. I always think, “We’ll, if I’ve paid ‘too much,” think of it as a nice tip.”
|by Anonymous||reply 82||09/14/2020|
R75 good grief you've reminded me off my one disastrous runway walk. Im so excruciatingly terrible at public displays and modelling.
|by Anonymous||reply 83||09/14/2020|
Well, naturally I'd like to fly commercial, but unfortunately I can't because of security concerns about my family.
|by Anonymous||reply 84||09/14/2020|
You're so lucky! It's so hard t find clothes in a size 0.
|by Anonymous||reply 85||09/14/2020|
Balmoral is such a drafty place. I’d rather stay in a hotel, but the Prince won’t hear of it.
|by Anonymous||reply 86||09/14/2020|
My Mandarin is only passable, I’m afraid.
|by Anonymous||reply 87||09/14/2020|
I'm surprised I could keep up with you. I've never skied on ice before.
|by Anonymous||reply 88||09/15/2020|
I get a lot of free clothes from my fashion industry friends because I'm runway sample size.
|by Anonymous||reply 89||09/15/2020|
As expected, some of you don't know how to humblebrag. I can never catch on to the trends, either, but Gwyneth showed us all how to do it one night on The Eos.
|by Anonymous||reply 90||09/15/2020|
I can't stand having movie star looks with all the strangers asking for an autograph and anonymous notes left on my windshield with people leaving their phone numbers . I'm almost envious of ordinary looking people.
|by Anonymous||reply 91||09/15/2020|
It is so hard getting good help these days. My bad luck that I have four properties to staff. Finding the right wine steward for the chalet in Switzerland during the ski season is simply a nightmare!
|by Anonymous||reply 92||09/15/2020|
I'm just so crazy busy! It's really hard to check in on IG all the time to see what my followers are saying about me!
|by Anonymous||reply 93||09/15/2020|
This self isolation situation is crazy. I'm alone most of the time, but I suppose I actually need it. My publisher is hounding me for my draft.
|by Anonymous||reply 94||09/15/2020|
My marriage is a lot of hard work.
|by Anonymous||reply 95||09/15/2020|
I thought by the time I hit 50 I'd no longer have all this hair to worry about, but here I am, STILL with this full head of thick hair that I have to comb and style every day!
|by Anonymous||reply 96||09/15/2020|
my penis is as thick as a cypress tree and as long as a cubit. My foreskin has sheltered an immigrant family for a few nights. And my bubble butt is of renown.
|by Anonymous||reply 97||09/15/2020|
97 another one who doesn't get humblebrags. But who am I to point fingers, I can't seem to crack the Collatz Conjecture.
|by Anonymous||reply 98||09/15/2020|
I admire so much those who become successful by pulling themselves up by their own bootstraps. I was robbed of the opportunity of experiencing that kind of success by being the beneficiary of a family trust. Everything came too easily for me.
|by Anonymous||reply 99||09/15/2020|
I wish I were more fluent in French. If I'm speaking in Paris, after about twenty minutes, I will make a mistake and they will suddenly realize I'm not French.
|by Anonymous||reply 100||09/15/2020|
I never get invited to the Martha's Vineyard summer parties anymore.
|by Anonymous||reply 101||09/15/2020|
Sure, it’s a promotion, but I don’t really like giving orders, especially to people who used to be my peers or even my bosses.
|by Anonymous||reply 102||09/15/2020|
Same here, R91. I often wish I were shorter and less attractive.
|by Anonymous||reply 103||09/15/2020|
I feel responsible when my followers say stupid shit.
|by Anonymous||reply 104||09/15/2020|
I am perfect. It's very hard for me when other people realize it.
|by Anonymous||reply 105||09/15/2020|
I acted for the money until I didn't have to.
|by Anonymous||reply 106||09/15/2020|
This house is so big, I can barely afford to heat it.
|by Anonymous||reply 107||09/16/2020|
I find it so hard to deal with other people's jealousy. People are just so mean!
|by Anonymous||reply 108||09/16/2020|
Friend: No matter how much I eat, I just can't put weight on.
Me: Maybe you have cancer?
|by Anonymous||reply 109||09/16/2020|
The damn California sun and my Paul Newman blue eyes just don't see eye to eye. Thank the goddess for my Tom Ford shades.
|by Anonymous||reply 110||09/16/2020|
I'm gorgeous and rich. Doctor says I'm quite fit! Look great for my age. Living my best life. Pity about you.
(Am I doing this correctly? Yes, Rose.)
|by Anonymous||reply 111||09/17/2020|
R91 I have a friend who's just too good looking for his own good. It really is a blessing and a curse all at once. It is a burden because people do come up to him, and he does turn heads. It's constant and unsolicited attention on him in public.
|by Anonymous||reply 112||09/17/2020|
OMG! Whenever our family would pull our 150M boat into Portofino, and Dad would make the crew line up on deck in their white uniforms, I was so humiliated by such a vulgar display of weath, I wanted to crawl under one of the perfectly polished teak deck chairs.
|by Anonymous||reply 113||09/17/2020|
I'm immortal but like.... the good kind where I never age and always look 25.
|by Anonymous||reply 114||09/17/2020|
NEWSFLASH - there has to be a "humble" along with the brag. 25% of you do not seem to get this point. Even I get it, and I never earned higher than a Gentleman's C at Harvard.
|by Anonymous||reply 115||09/17/2020|
I married into the Royal Family, and now I have a $14 million house in Momtecito, California, and I didn't have to lift a goddamned finger for those awful Brits.
|by Anonymous||reply 116||09/17/2020|
God, it's such a pain in the ass to have to get my wallet out all the time when I get carded.
|by Anonymous||reply 117||09/17/2020|
I have to buy a new vacuum cleaner every year. They wear out fast from high mileage because my house is so freaking huge.
|by Anonymous||reply 118||09/17/2020|
R116 honey that's not a humble brag. What don't you get?
|by Anonymous||reply 119||09/17/2020|
I spend so much on gas. I have to buy premium gas because I have an expensive, luxury sportscar.
|by Anonymous||reply 120||09/17/2020|
A humblebrag is when you try to disguise your brag as a complaint.
|by Anonymous||reply 121||09/17/2020|
Having a $14 million house in Montecito is a drag. There are mudslides here. Changing diapers is a nightmare. My husband is a dimwit. I want out!
|by Anonymous||reply 122||09/17/2020|
R121 yes that is one kind. And another is when you express humility but its false and comes with brag. R122 yes better if laying it on kind of thick :)
|by Anonymous||reply 123||09/17/2020|
Like this. "I'm feel blessed that I have kept working. I've never really been a brilliant artist. 7 Oscar nominations but I never win." - Glenn Close
|by Anonymous||reply 124||09/17/2020|
R122–leave out the price. Too explicit. “Montecito” is enough. Also, the complaints need to be connected to the brag.
Brag disguised as complaint:
“If I’d known how much time I’d have to spend on the roofs with a hose, I’d never have bought an estate with so many buildings.”
Brag disguised as humility:
“Whenever I speak Russian in Moscow, all my friends laugh because they say my accent is very Minsk.”
|by Anonymous||reply 125||09/17/2020|
The worst thing about my promotion is that I never get out of my private office. I used to wander all over the campus for meetings and visits, but now everyone comes to me.
|by Anonymous||reply 126||09/17/2020|
I feel guilty not having to wear a mask when I fly in my private jet, it must be terrible stuck in first class, muzzled with bad food.
|by Anonymous||reply 127||09/17/2020|
It's always awkward trying to remember the names of new members of my household staff, so I've had Carson send my assistant emails with their photos but since I'm on the road so much, she doesn't always get them to me in time--you know how spotty WiFi is on the newer Learjets.
|by Anonymous||reply 128||09/17/2020|
I just read R118 and feel so ignorant. What's a vacuum cleaner? Is it those noisy things I can hear my staff using 20 rooms away?
|by Anonymous||reply 129||09/17/2020|
I recently went to South Sudan, which is the youngest country in the world in east Africa with the United Nations Children's Fund. I do a little bit of work with them, try to spread the word as best I can. It's a terrible situation happening for children. The nightmare is about arms dealing, and there are far too many arms going into South Sudan. There's a curfew at 6 p.m. every night because humanitarian aid workers have to be inside so its safe by 6. And one night we were having a bite to eat at the canteen where we were staying. And a group of young men and women tottered over to the table and we were all having what they call a dirty beer in humanitarian language. And there were a group of Medstar sans-frontier doctors and nurses, and they wanted to say hello cause during the shelling the previous month, they had bingewatched the Night Manager. The idea that I could provide--that we could provide--some relief and entertainment for the people who work for Unicef and other volunteers who are fixing the world where it is broken made me immensely proud.
|by Anonymous||reply 130||09/17/2020|
Consuela! What’s a vacuum cleaner?
|by Anonymous||reply 131||09/17/2020|
"UGH, I wish I knew more civilians. I'm so over above-the-title friends!"
|by Anonymous||reply 132||09/17/2020|
"All this racial strife has me feeling rather discombobulated. I hardly even know how one disciplines their domestic staff anymore."
|by Anonymous||reply 133||09/17/2020|
I am currently looking at this post on a gay group on Facebook: "Would you date a guy who's obsessed with hung dudes if you're ok hung? The sex is great but I worry I may not be enough for him."
|by Anonymous||reply 134||09/17/2020|
I can't relate to most of the thing posted by the old men on here because I was born in 1998
|by Anonymous||reply 135||09/17/2020|
I feel so ignorant when R135 posts things about his relative youth because I was born ten years after him.
|by Anonymous||reply 136||09/17/2020|
I hardly ever bottom but it excites men so much when I do, I relent.
|by Anonymous||reply 137||09/17/2020|
R97 - “ my penis is as thick as a cypress tree and as long as a cubit. My foreskin has sheltered an immigrant family for a few nights. And my bubble butt is of renown.”
Woah there nelly..... I stopped reading at “foreskin”.
|by Anonymous||reply 138||09/17/2020|
Yeah, the foreskin basically renders everything positive null and void unless it's like you don't have any when you're hard.
|by Anonymous||reply 139||09/17/2020|
It's so hard to find XL condoms!
|by Anonymous||reply 140||09/17/2020|
My boyfriend is always complaining that my dick is too big to fit in his asshole.
|by Anonymous||reply 141||09/18/2020|
I’m sorry you were trolled by people who disagreed with your comments on why you can’t serve customers who fail to observe the state’s mask and social distancing requirements. I, too, am getting very disillusioned with LinkedIn. When did it go from being a professional networking site to a dating site? I’m bombarded with messages from men I don’t even know who want to go out with me!
(The above was written by an office manager whose instagram-filtered LinkedIn profile photo features her collagen-injected lips in a come-hither pout, eyes half closed, hair flying about her face.)
|by Anonymous||reply 142||09/18/2020|
We've decided to have a small, intimate wedding with only close friends and family, but how do you whittle the list down to 100 without hurting people's feelings?
|by Anonymous||reply 143||09/18/2020|
My new Bentley Bentayga is the hybrid model so I feel really good aabout helping the environment!
|by Anonymous||reply 144||09/18/2020|
I’m so glad we installed solar panels on our new roof to save electricity and help the environment. It’s not easy heating our 50,000 sq ft house in Holmby Hills CA.
|by Anonymous||reply 145||09/18/2020|
Pretty much anyone who's bitching about their spouses (unless it's some real dirt) is humble-bragging (i.e., look at me - I'm married!).
Real dirt: fucks around, broke (no money), etc.
|by Anonymous||reply 146||09/18/2020|