Anyone here between the ages of 55 & 70?

I love being retired and not having to go to a miserable job each day.

I'll bite, OP. I will be 60 later this month. Been partnered for 37 years. Have two young kids. I don't feel old - but I don't have as much energy as I used to. I don't sleep as well as I used to. Probably drink too much - but I generally feel OK. As long as we get Trump out of the White House, I'll feel much better.

59. Single. Am feeling isolated due to COVID. fortunate to have a secure job and and a home.

I'm 57. Seeing people I remember as young adults dying of old age seems odd.

I like having a history. I didn't like being YOUNG. It was rather frightening. So much future to contend with.

People you grew up with, famous people dying all the time, feels sad.

I was always a fast walker. I notice people overtaking me on the sidewalk. That feels odd.

Life seems less SHARP...I'm becoming vaguer and rather like it.

Bladders come weak.

I would guess at least 80% of the posters on Datalounge are that age OP

But you knew that, right?

Actually, I'm noticing a lot of even older people creeping back, R6.

A lot of them abandoned DL when the new format came in.

Sadly, in this age group, many people are at deaths door or approaching it. Reminds us that life is indeed very temporary, but there is eternal life with the Lord to look forward to.

I’m 55, with my partner for 27 years, yikes! I was always pretty happy with my life but the last two years have been difficult. I had some surgeries, a change of supervisor at work, and lost an important friendship, and I have to say for the first time ever I feel a bit disappointed or, hate to say it, lost. I don’t feel as if I know what I’m supposed to be doing or what my purpose is. It’s tough. My relationship is still good and I’m working and we paid off our home and all our debt. I have nothing to be upset about, and I am grateful, but it’s like some enthusiasm for living has been lost. Of course, the depressing events of the last four years and especially this one haven’t helped.

I'm 57, too, and very much relate to everything R4 said. I see the retirement light at the end of the tunnel in four more years, but who knows if I'll make it that far? I have severe arthritis and on my bad days it's just about incapacitating. I'm single, but I have a 24-year-old fuck bud.

[quote] I have severe arthritis and on my bad days it's just about incapacitating.

So sorry to hear that.

Is there a lot of sugar in your diet? Past or present?

Thanks, R11. It's RA.

I'll be 59 next month. I was let go from my job back in July, but I had been working from home for years, so I'm still waiting for it to sink in. I told my financial advisor to consider me retired, and we made a bunch of updates to my accounts to reflect the change. It's sort of like walking a tightrope right now, living without the income from my job.

Anyway, my physical and emotional health are already better (I quit drinking), and I've been busy catching up on projects around the house. Overall, I'm pretty happy. My ex is still my best friend, and my (retired) older brother is happy to have someone to do things with.

What I don't like: my doctors have decided to catch up on all sorts of tests and procedures, and I'm still trying to get my COBRA coverage in place, so I've been paying more than I'm accustomed to paying. Health insurance is probably the primary reason so many of us have continued to work. Luckily, I look and feel younger than my age, so they tell me.

I'm retired and I like it but I miss the routine of being at work. Any type of routine is important. I live by myself and tend to isolate too much and the pandemic has made it even worse. I'm not falling apart but I could be doing a lot better. Things of a spiritual nature, a belief in a Higher Power, going to church ( a church that I go to has opened again after being closed for months because of the pandemic and I'm going tomorrow) and certainly Meditation keep me grounded as an aging gay man who missed out on so much in the first part of my life. After all these years I'm gaining new insights about myself and am going to forge ahead. As the old saying goes - It Gets Better.

P.S. If there is such a thing as reincarnation I'm going to come back, make up for lost time, and have a great life!

[quote]and my (retired) older brother is happy to have someone to do things with.

What sort of things do you do, if you don't mind me asking?

I am retired and don't miss work. I do miss the good health and high energy levels I took for granted in my 20s and 30s!

53.- but feel - and look - 58. Expect to die by late 60s, so I feel I fit this category. Semi - retired as I want to enjoy some retirement time before I get sick or die. Pandemic is like retirement multiplied. I love it. Not having routine or a job is my best life. Never been happier. My only fear is this perfect life will be cut short by my or my partners death. But living for today has been the lesson I’ve learned in this stage of life.

I am 66 and have been retired for 2 years. I am shocked how fast I got to this stage in life. The weeks go by MUCH faster now that I do not work. As I got older I started writing off people who I no longer had things in common with, or who had traits that annoyed the fuck out of me, even the ones I had been friends with since my 20s. And many of them have written me off as well, probably for the same reasons. When I was younger I was a phone queen and spent most of my time at home on the phone. Now I can't stand talking on the phone and I am tortured every time the phone rings. Sometimes it is hard to wrap my brain around the fact that I *AM* old, despite the fact that I have passed several goals to prove it (cataract surgery on both eyes, prostate cancer, I take 9 different meds a day.

I just turned 68 and realized I've been retired for almost 10 years (I retired at 58 at the end of 2010.) In that time I've lost both my sister (age 55) and my mother (age 93) and now I have no close family left. I had little bid of a health scare recently (non-COVID-related) and also realized that I'm now the same age as my father when he died. So I've started thinking a lot more about the time I have left. I had been traveling a lot recently, but who knows when that will be viable again? I'm definitely worried about being alone -- something that was never an issue when I was younger. (I've never had a partner and haven't had a roommate since college.) I'm financially well-off, but I have a hard time making decisions and changing. I constantly beat myself up about not taking advantage of the money I have and living a better life. It's frustrating, and this pandemic has just made it all worse.

Except for myriad aches and pains, I’m retired and happy as a pig in shit. Wish I could stick around longer.

I’ll be 61 next month. I’m single and still working. I’m making great $$$ so I’ll work till 65.

Elder gay male here. I just turned 69 late last month, I never ever thought I would live to be this old, I am truly amazed that I have. I was forced to retired at 59 because of a small non-cancerous brain tumor. I had radiation to destroy the tumor but since it involved the inner ear it has left me deaf in one ear, my sense of balance really messed up and have constant very loud ringing in one ear like an alarm clock that never goes off. Despite all that I feel like I am doing pretty good, love being retired even though I liked my job. I am probably the happiest I have ever been in my life, I am single and live alone which is probably best for me. Based on how long my parents lived I am guessing I have between 6-10 years left, but you just never know.

When you are 69 you definitely feel the deterioration your body is experiencing, aches and pains, cuts don't heal as fast as, the mind definitely isn't as sharp as it use to be even though people tell me I seem to have a really good memory. I am lucky in the sense that I rarely ever get bored or lonely, in fact I am more likely bored or lonely if I am around a large group of people. Even though I am 69 I have very little grey hair or wrinkles, so people never assume I am as old as I am. While not rich I am financial secure, I spend very little and live just on my Social Security, I have other investments if I need them, I just don't. Not worrying about money sure helps, it wasn't always that way. I love not having to work, but I saved most my life, didn't take vacations or travel, now I don't want to.

I'm happily retired. Not especially enjoying the isolation because of Covid and staying at home at a time when I had planned on some travel, but we're all in the same boat now. My health is okay, some arthritis aside. What bothers me most is how quickly the years seem to go by now that I'm approaching my late 60s. I'm still enjoying life and would like to keep on enjoying it. But the speeding up of time makes me realize that I really don't have that many "good years" left, by which I mean years in which I'll be able to stay active. I try not to dwell on that, and to just focus on enjoying each day as it comes. But in recent months, a couple of college friends and a former co-worker have died, which is just another reminder that the clock is ticking. At the same time, that realization makes me appreciate what I have and reminds me not to take anything for granted.

I turned 57 last month. Before COVID/WuFlu hit, I was loving my retirement. I retired at 55 and in 2.5 years I took 7 great trips...Greece, Switzerland, Belgium & Holland, Canadian Rockies, Newfoundland, 9 Eastern European countries and Costa Rica. I'm glad I travelled so much because it looks like I won't be travelling at all for 2 or 3 years. I'm single and have pretty much resigned myself to that or in the words of Jack Albertson in The Subject Was Roses, "the humping I'm getting isn't worth the humping I'm getting. Even with the pandemic, life is good.

I am 63, husband is 70. I just retired this May. Financially we are well off and have very little stress in our lives. But, I developed MS at age 59 and that changed my perspective on life rather rudely! I had never had any health problems until that diagnosis.

Over all, I much prefer being older compared to being young. I am more at peace with myself and my life. I hated my 20s and all the BS that went with finding yourself. All of that is behind me, and I'm glad. Some of the negatives of aging are pretty heavy however. The death of family and close friends weighs heavily. And having friends move away after they retire was something I didn't expect. Neither I, nor my husband, have any siblings alive, so we rely on friends more than most, and when they move away, it really bothers us. Also, it is harder to make new friends when you're older.

I can’t get hard. It takes forever to cum.

I am 69, been retired since 56, but worked as education consultant part time till 65. Able to live comfortably, and fair health. I moved in December to a 55+ community where a friend lived., was just getting acclimated when covid hit. Funny, I was very uncertain about living in this kind of community, but in the current situation, it has been a good thing. Did not intend to spend so much time at home, quasi isolated. But my house is situated on a pond, the whole place is laid out for walking, I have a patio, much better than living in an apartment in much busier town.

Waiting out covid for a year or more is tough, but at 40, there are many more years. At 69, these are precious months and years. Trying to think of this as another of life's unasked for transitions. If I live, I will get to see what life post covid becomes.

OP: you hit a nerve. Great/interesting posts, all.

This will come off as bragging but what's the point of bragging on an anonymous board? You might as well brag in to a mirror. Because.... I'm 68 and in excellent health. I feel good, I exercise, I eat well. Never had any health issues. My career is still going very strong and I see no reason to end it (freelancer). I have lots of friends and enough money not to worry. Not in a relationship, but I am dating a nice guy and maybe that'll go somewhere, but I don't really care -- growing older well means learning to take care of yourself well. The point, as I said, isn't to brag -- I know I'm lucky but 1) my earlier life was not good -- I was the smallest and weakest kid in school, the last to go through puberty, and that was hell. But it's paying off now, as it seems like that late start to growing up has meant a late start to growing old.

And 2) For those younger than 55-70, don't expect that what happens to others will happen to you. You could age wonderfully well, or you could age terribly. But there is room for both. If I knew when I was 35 that 68 wouldn't be so bad, I'd have gone through life a lot more comfortably. And yes, I do wonder what the inevitable disease processes and all the ills that can accompany the path to older years will be like, but I also know that there's no knowing what'll happen next, and there's no point in excessive worry. Sometimes, believe it or not things turn out better than you expected.

R15, My brother retired last year and (as expected) he filled up my in-box, expecting immediate responses, while I still had to put in my 8 hours. It was very difficult for me to toggle back and forth between my work and personal lives.

Anyway, with retirement, he's taken a greater interest in gardening, bird-watching and cooking, and he enjoys my input, and he loves his power tools, so he's been a huge help to me getting my house and garden in better shape.

We shared a room growing up, and he always looked out for his gay younger brother, and we both enjoy the companionship. He and my ex-BF get along, too, which is a bonus. I think we both appreciate being able to potter around without worrying about getting back to our jobs.

[quote] I had some surgeries, a change of supervisor at work, and lost an important friendship, and I have to say for the first time ever I feel a bit disappointed or, hate to say it, lost.

R9, can you say more about how you lost this friendship? As I get older, I find myself losing friendships as well.

[quote] And having friends move away after they retire was something I didn't expect.

R25, can you say where you live, or the general area? I currently live in an area with a high cost of living. Unexpectedly, a good friend retired, sold his house ($$$), and moved with husband to Florida. Their money goes really far there, I'm sure.

One thing I realized is after a lifetime looking for happy endings I realize life doesn't offer them in the end. For most of us old age is not pretty.

r31 We live in Chicago - and our friends have moved to a wide variety of places. Many have moved back to their hometowns - smaller towns where the cost of living is lower and where they have friends and family connections. Others moved to Florida and Arizona. And Palm Springs is another destination.

Been retired 8 years and just turned 70. Milestone birthdays never meant anything to me, but this one did. Going from my 60s into my 70s leaves me with a very different, and at times, unsettling feeling. A dear friend who made it to 102yo used to say "Why does time go so much more quickly the older we get, it should be the reverse." I kind of get what she was implying, because I DO see the days rolling by faster. Also, I have to look at my phone to see what day it is, a paper calendar is useless except to write down appointments and such.

My husband died 3 years ago, and he was my best friend. It would be easier and certainly more enjoyable if he were still here, as far as the isolation that Covid has visited on me. Can't meet with my stitching buddies or teach my quilt making class, which had been a big part of my social life. We do Zoom, but hardly equivalent.

I'm lucky health wise, just the usual old age aches and pains. I'm not on any prescription drugs. Financially OK, I have simple tastes and needs, but hearing that Social Security might be in jeopardy has given me pause(never dip into capital, right?)

Spend too much time on my computer. Can't remember the last time I watched TV(have been thinking about getting rid of cable service)

I hope, and would like, to be here when Covid has been vanquished(if that is at all possible)

I turned 60 a month ago and I'm fine. I think of my self as the latest of the late bloomers; i really came into my own at around 52. I've been poz since 1994 and luckily it hasn't hindered my life all that much. I've never been hiv-related sick, never went on disability or HASA or anything like that. I'm a worker bee at heart. I'm self employed since I was 46 and probably won't retire anything soon because I never excelled at saving money, a retirement plan or investing, in spite of my older brother's numerous queries in that direction. But i will be fine. True, I'm not as smart as I look, but I'm very very resourceful.

We are 63 and have been together for 32 years. We retired at age 56 and life has never been better. We, up until covid, travelled 3 - 6 months out of the year. We live in a beautiful part of the country and winter in Palm Springs. We are both healthy and active. My biggest fear is losing my wife, she is my best friend and we enjoy each other's company.

Hi, OP. I'm fifty-seven, and there are lots of things I still like!

I am blessed with great health, and am rarely ill, or off my game ever, so that's great. My knees have never twinged with pain, and I don't take any prescriptions on a regular basis. That being said, two years ago I got shingles which erupted on my face endangering my vision in one eye. Luckily my vision problems went away eventually, but I learned the hard way, GET THE SHINGLES VACCINE!

I regret not working at a hotel as a union waiter while I figured out my other careers. I would have earned a pension, instead of working in neighborhood joints, bars, nightclubs and catering, which were not union jobs, offering me nothing but the cash which I grabbed.

I lost a lot of friends and acquaintances during the AIDS epidemic (1981-1997), and it has forever robbed them of their young beautiful lives, but also robbed me of their fellowship when I could use and enjoy it the most, now. My therapist says I have mild PTSD, a sort of survivor's syndrome, which I disagreed with at first, but I know now she is right.

I am a very accepting person because I don't see other options. I feel that acceptance and forgiveness to others including my younger self has really given me a fantastic life. I am grateful for that.

I just turned 40 and love reading this thread. Thanks for your honesty and insights.

Sending you all hugs.

Only 50... And not stealing an arc from Samantha on "Sex and the City," but true [horrific] story: I have recently [italic]lost my orgasm![/italic] NO feeling when I ejaculate; I might as well be peeing. [Actually, there is more sensation when urinating than when I come.]

[bold]HELP![/bold] Is this something inevitable for men our age? PLEASE tell me this is most likely temporary.

I am so afraid and freaked; don't even now what doctor to see first – GP [prostrate problem maybe]? Oncologist [cancer]? Urologist? Psychologist/psychiatrist?

[italic]Any[/italic] insight, friends? Most appreciated.

* KNOW what doctor to see...

R39. I think that's normal.

R26 That's two issues. You have to orgasm within the first 5 to minutes. It's not worth wasting your time if the brain won't get you to orgasm orgasm within the first 5 to minutes. Try again another day.

[italic]NORMAL?!?[/italic], R41? Other gentlemen in your fifties and sixties – PLEASE tell me you beg to DISAGREE...

This thread made me tear up. Wishing you all well.

Orgasms become weaker with age. It's more of a leak than a spurt. But it's still nice when it happens.

An older man I dated when I was young advised me to make sure I had orgasms on a regular basis, and I'm glad I took his advice. They still feel good, not just physically, but psychologically. I've got the whole day ahead, so I don't feel any performance anxiety.

I'll be 55 in December. Death can't come soon enough for me. Life has always been crap and I came to the conclusion long ago it's only going to get crappier as I age.

R46 A neighbour/gay friend of mine was that age when he purchased an air compressor and committed suicide 8 weeks ago.

He cast off his strangling Catholic religion a decade ago. He had a brain tumour removed 2 years ago. But was given a diagnosis of Leukemia ten weeks ago.

Hm. I like this thread. I wish I'd seen something like this when I was a fresher little tulip. It would have made my life a little more hopeful.

Love to you all. X

R44, Weaker and more leak than spurt, fine. That is true. But you [italic]are[/italic] [bold]physically[/bold] [italic]feeling something[/italic ], correct – the actual orgasm ["Big O"] itself? I have no problem with erection, arousal, or ejaculation, but, again, NO SENSATION, NO FEELING when I do ejaculate. This cannot be the way it's meant to be as we age. I refuse to believe Mother Nature is [italic]that[/italic] cruel; men have plenty of other issues to contend with in old age... I am definitely seeking medical advice/help as soon as I figure out what type of physician to consult.

I would love to hear reassurance from others that they continue to experience and feel the wonderful sensation of orgasm at advanced ages.

R46, I am so sorry Please take care.

Messy formatting above @R49. Sorry. [I'm very upset.]

Just turned 55, 10 days ago. I appreciate you all sharing your thoughts.

Mother Nature is cruel.

Biology says sex is merely procreation and meant to further the race.

Females close down their baby-making facilities at age 35. Why should men be indulged for another 20 years?

They can't make babies, of course, but aren't all those cougars in their 40s, 50s, 60s still feeling mind-blowing orgasms during sex, which is why they are cougars in pursuit of young men in the first place?

^Based on what my women friends say, a lot of that is just hype. Women may want to look sexy and desirable, but their sex drive does diminish considerably with age.

To the topic: I realized recently that I'm fast approaching 60. Along with all the bad parts of getting older (loss of looks, reliance on glasses), there are so many good things and I choose to focus on them. I'm more confident, more self-reliant, and more content with my lot than I was in my youth. I'm happy to have had all the fun I had when I was young and wild, but am just as happy to now enjoy a quiet life and my job that I love. My future financial prospects aren't great, but I'm able to deal with that uncertainty without anxiety. And the slight income loss caused by Covid has been more than offset by the great gift of free time to pursue interests that had been long neglected.

I’m almost 57. I didn’t really feel “old” until ~ 53 years old, like I realized I was on the downslope of life. I wasn’t bouncing back from sprains as easily as I once did; I didn’t really care about dressing up. It suddenly (over the course of several months) seemed like life more more burdensome that “challenging.”

Became more burdensome than “challenging.”

I’m 55 and at some point, will contribute my thoughts on life at this age, but right now I just want to say—what a great thread; really enjoying everyone’s stories.

I am 79 and a straight female. Divorced two husbands, and prefer being single. DL is the only site I have found that has intelligent people posting on interesting topics. I have also always had gay male friends. Although my health is not good, I look around 65. Slim, attractive, well coiffed and a fashionista forever. Have a loving family nearby, who come by because I am fun to be around and witty (so I'm told!).

My advice is to do all your traveling prior to age 70. Things went downhill for me after that. I have had Macular degeneration since I was in my mid 50s. Have normal vision in one eye, peripheral in the other. I started to have distorted vision in my "good" eye a year ago, so endured injections in the eyeball to attain normal vision.

In 2015 I fell and broke my right hip and had it repaired with a hip pinning surgery - afterward I spent 2 weeks in a rehab facility for PT. While at home practicing using my cane I slipped and broke my left hip which meant another 20 day stay at rehab facility. I then developed avascular necrosis of the right hip which necessitated a Total Hip Replacement and another 20 day rehab stay. .

I developed Rheumatoid Arthritis at age 78. Biologics and methotrexate have worked to bring me to semi-normalcy. The new normal is not fun, but it is doable. I have no other systemic illnesses, so will be fine! But wait, there's more! 3 month ago I tore a tendon in my triceps (caused by RA weakening of muscles and tendons). Good news is that no surgery was needed.

I have never been depressed and I don't know why. Some people bounce back from adversity and others are just not as resilient. Perhaps the old "what doesn't kill you will make you stronger" adage is accurate. Who knows? My father died at 85 of a heart attack and my mother died at 93 while going under anesthetic for a hip surgery after a fall. She had a touch of Lewy Body dementia. Hope I don't get it, but it is much slower than Alzheimers. Fortunately, I live in a state that allows assisted suicide. I will definitely consider it if I feel it is time to say sayonara.

Smile more and have fun!

r58. I totally agree with your ‘do as much traveling as you can before 70’ advice. If this year has taught us anything it is “don’t delay.” The unexpected always happens. Do things while you can before life changes for the worse.

This thread is great. I am 54 and have to be 55 to get my pension. I am a school librarian so I have until June to join you all in retirement. It can’t come soon enough, especially with this hell year coming up before me. I just want to stay healthy until then. I appreciate what everyone has shared. Thanks.

About to turn 55 and love the mental and financial freedom. As an earlier poster noted, when you’re young you have so many worries about your future.

My only stressor now is deciding whether to keep working (because between earning more than ever and having a nice nest egg that is growing, I can appreciably increase my net worth for every additional year I work) vs giving it up for a more enjoyable existence. And at work, because I can walk away any time, I finally have all the power. A couple times over the past years I’ve secured nice compensation bumps by reminding my bosses of that fact.

I walk rescue dogs for our local animal shelter and look forward to doing that most mornings in retirement, along with seeking out other fulfilling volunteer opportunities. That’s important to figure out before you retire.

My partner is a decade older so holding off until 65 to retire means I could be foregoing some of his best remaining years.

57, and in great health now, probably in better shape than I was in my 30's. That is because I exercise 1-2 hours every day, which I didnt used to do. Have a great partner, have had the last 8 years plus, and a good job. Partner is same age as me, and I will lstay with him the rest of my life, he feels the same why thankfully. Really nothing major to complain of. I do need glasses to read now, at least finer print. Fortunately I can use cheap ones from the supermarket just fine. Financially I am comfortable but not wealthy. Partner and me used to travel 2-3 times a year until the 'rona, so we are saving money, plus I'm mostly working from home which also saves cash and time

I have lost touch with a number of friends to a fair extent, partly due to my toxic ex. Fortunately my new partner has come with a large circle of friends who have become my friends too. I could of retired by now if it wasnt for said toxic ex, getting rid of him cost a small fortune. So I will need to keep working, but I do like my job so that isnt as bad as it could be. I quit drinking completely because of him (he was alcoholic) and this has definitely helped me keep the weight off and likely improved my health. My partner does drink but in moderation, I do all the driving as I love driving and he hates it, so a win-win.

🕺 [italic] I feel pretty, Oh so pretty

I feel pretty, and witty, and gaaaaaaay !

R31, it’s very weird but my friend was a much younger man and unexpectedly decided he was dissatisfied with the scope of our relationship after a few years. It’s ironic because I am in a monogamous long term relationship and so much older/in another part of my life and it never really crossed my mind that I needed to worry about anything like that. After being very close (I was like a mentor to him, he was a little sheltered, inexperienced and shy), he decided to “confront” me in a weird vague way, and when I pointed out, very gently, why things could never be how he wanted them to, he ghosted me! It was so humiliating when it dawned on me that he was ditching me...I have never had that happen before and it really hurt. He was actually the best friend I’d ever had and I enjoyed our friendshio. Just awful.

And yeah, it’s a truism that making real friends is much harder as an adult. I was always pretty good at it but it’s completely different when you are older and not usually too satisfying somehow. 😕

R64 that’s awful.

I turned 60 a few weeks ago. I’m OK considering I was left with two heart conditions thanks to Covid (both are non life threatening). I still move around well enough, thank god. My sex drive is definitely slowing down. On days I wasn’t working I’d often stay up until 3 or 4 am and get up at 10 am but now it’s bed around midnight and wide awake at 8.

I'm 70 and LOVE being retired. One piece of advice: RETIRE AS SOON AS YOU CAN. I mean, the MINUTE you can. What the fuck are you waiting for? You're selling your life to somebody else for money....so if--IF--youi can...DO IT.

Also, I don't think anyone's brought this up, but my 50s were rough, emotionally. Looking back, I think I experienced male menopause, which I don't think I've ever seen discussed on DL. It's not a joke, ladies--it's real. Hormonal changes, body changes....rollercoaster stuff, some of it very intense--I remember crying a lot, things would set me off, there were unexpected triggers.. So, all of you out there, be prepared for this, know about it. It may not happen, but if it does, it's a real thing, and take whatever steps you need to deal with it. Talk to your friends, find the right meds. Do not suffer and "be strong," which is hogwash.

[quote]Looking back, I think I experienced male menopause

I'm 56 and r67 I completely agree. I think I'm going through it now.

I know what you mean r23. I wish I could change my perspective on time. But I can’t. So every passing year is a smaller portion of my total existence.

What advice, if any, would you give those of us in our 40s?

Thanks in advance xo

For those in your 40s: work hard, save money, travel when you can

[quote] I have never been depressed and I don't know why. Some people bounce back from adversity and others are just not as resilient. Perhaps the old "what doesn't kill you will make you stronger" adage is accurate.

My mom, in her 60s, got depressed & suicidal for the first time in her life. She was a strong, tough woman. It can happen.

I finally retired a couple of weeks after turning 68. I didn't keep working because I needed the money. It was because I liked my job and I thought I might become bored and restless without the kind of structure in my life that comes from going to work every day. Now that I've done it, I don't regret having retired one bit. I only regret not having done it sooner. In Thornton Wilder's "Our Town," the character Simon Stimson talks disdainfully about people who "spend and waste time as though they had a million years." I feel that a lot of us do that. To echo what others have already said in this thread, don't put off doing what you'd like to do, whether it's travel or anything else. Time is going by faster than you know.

Aside from being financially secure (but then I’ve always had that) I don’t like one darn thing about it. I am very grateful to be healthy (right now) and having survived. But losing looks, functional ability and therefore activities (still doing most of my favorite things) is not fun. I’m 67 and still skiing, playing tennis and working in a career I enjoy. But it’s all going to trail off soon and the best I can hope for is replacing these things with some more travel if I stay healthy. But essentially it’s all about handling loss- the reward for surviving! And man does it go fast!

r70 1. Don't get sucked into the belief that your job is who you are. Develop outside interests, so that when the day comes that your job disappears you will have something else in life besides work. 2. Save and invest as much as you can, max out your 401(k), buy a private pension. Never get into credit card debt. Buy quality. Pay with cash when at all possible. 3. Find someone compatible to spend your life with -- looks don't last forever, but mutual trust and shared values do. 4. Don't sweat the small stuff (and almost all of it is small stuff) 5. Be kind - it takes far less energy than being an asshole. 6. Don't smoke, drink less, eat less, exercise more. 7. Don't be fooled in to thinking that the good times will never end and life as you know it will go on forever. Shit happens and you have no control over a lot of life.

I'm 55 and I gotta say the one thing I've noticed is I get attention from lots of young guys. It's bizarre.

Seems like a lot of people bailed on friends because they were high maintenance. From what I’ve seen of older people in my life, it’s very important to maintain and build friend networks in old age. So easy to discard - but invaluable in old age from what I see. It takes work to maintain friendships - and an acceptance of others imperfections and our own. I’m working consciously to maintain and enhance the friendship circle - as it may be all we have as we age and lose the ones we have chosen.

[quote] buy a private pension.

I would strongly argue against buying an annuity unless it is a SPIA from Vanguard and you understand it completely. Annuities have a high sales commission which is why they are pushed so heavily.

Max out the 401k and Roth and tuck some away in a taxable account with Fidelity, Charles Schwab or Vanguard. Put some effort into understanding the basics of investing so you don't have to rely on a financial "advisor". If you want someone to check over your investments, hire one who charges by the hour or a flat fee. Stay away from AUM accounts, they will rob you blind.

This is a good place to learn about low cost index fund investing.

I’m 62 next week. Partnered for 19 years... happily married for 5 now. In great health... I look forward to retirement next year.. life is good..even with the pandemic....

I just turned 65 on the 10th...feels no different than when i was 30. Im in good health, go to the gym at least 5 days a week and still look terrific..we are NOT your parents eldergays

This is another excellent website with a general focus on retiring early. You must be polite on this website or you will be banned.

I'm 63 and having to reinvent myself as marriage is ending and moved back in with 95 yr old mother. I guess not much to reinvert, huh? I do menu planning and errand running and basically have an easy life in this "leafy suburb" of hers. I'm financially secure and will probably inherit a sum to add to that security but lack of interest in many things/folks i used to have. I'm ok with a simple life, now.

r92, your Mom is lucky to have you. Best of luck.

thanks R83 its going much better than i thought.

[quote] I'm 63 and having to reinvent myself as marriage is ending and moved back in with 95 yr old mother. I guess not much to reinvert, huh? I do menu planning and errand running and basically have an easy life in this "leafy suburb" of hers. I'm financially secure and will probably inherit a sum to add to that security but lack of interest in many things/folks i used to have. I'm ok with a simple life, now.

Good luck, R82. Sorry about your marriage ending. You're still young enough to have a next phase. I, also, lived with my mother during her final year(s) of life. I felt kind of embarrassed about it. But, after she died, one day, at work, I overheard a coworker (who lived with her elderly dad) on the phone. It was a simple conversation about what coworker's Dad wanted to eat for dinner. I had tears in my eyes and regretted ever feeling embarrassed about living with my mom.

I love what R81 said, 'You must be polite on this website or you will be banned.' I write on other websites as if I were on DL and it is not a good idea. Though I'll probably continue to do it.

I recently lost a good friend of many decades and many other friends as well when I got fed up with his casually mocking cruelty. He had been going through much in life dealing with depression, the loss of a beloved beautiful sister, estrangement from his brothers due to his being gay, and encroaching cancer from his throat to his ear and possibly further. I tried to be as supportive as possible but he mocked me often on group emails with many people and I told him repeatedly to stop because it made me feel so bad. He did not care and kept doing it so I told him in no uncertain terms so that there was no repairing our friendship what I thought of him. This did not only estrange him but a whole group of people who I liked and I think liked me. And I knew it would happen. I tell you all of this because I'm in my sixties and will not have such a group of friends again in my life but it was worth it not to have the constant humiliation. I remain friends with one of them who is one of the most loving generous people I have ever met in my life so I'm very grateful for that. I am lonely but what can one do about it? Better to cut cruel people out your life giving up so much in the process than to keep them in it.

I used to often recede into revival movie houses and the arts at Lincoln Center. That is now far in the past and I appreciate enormously the advancements in home entertainment. Do I like that this will be the rest of my life? No, but it's not like I have much of a choice. Hobbies don't interest me. Golf? Scrabble? Socialize in a religious setting?....no. Traveling has become so miserable I no longer have the patience for it. And towns no matter how beautiful are lonely when you know no one. I love not working. Having to meet deadlines every day feeling so many people want/need a part of you was soul killing and free time was just used to recover. I wish I could have lived this way when I was young. Be like James Merrill and have fabulous sums of money to travel and pursue a creative outlet with no pressure for making enough money to live and to be able to do as much as possible simply out of love for the creative process and to give to others as a philanthropist to those whose work you admire. For now I have my health and am ambulatory and I can appreciate that. Who knows for how long? I won't think about it.

63. Slimmer than I was. At the top of my game at work. Financially secure, which makes a difference. Clearer about what I want in life. Sexually, not as lustful but enjoying my orgasms. Not as consistently hard, but not presenting a problem. Don't do anal anymore.

Gore Vidal once wrote that by the time he was 40 all the main characters in were in his life and he didn't add new ones. That has been my experience too. With the exception of a husband i have not meet any new people in years. When I was younger the men I slept with became my friends. Now that I no longer fuck around that avenue is closed. Does anyone else find it harder to make new friends as you get older?

Yes, it's harder to make friends when you're older. And when I say "older," that starts at around 35.

[quote]Yes, it's harder to make friends when you're older. And when I say "older," that starts at around 35.

I moved into a city with my wife after living 40 miles out of town at age 55. I joined a meetup group for hiking and backpacking, joined a gym and got to know some of my neighbors.. We have more people to do things with now than we have since living in Boston 30 years ago.

I think you have to be healthy enough to put yourself out there and you have to be upbeat and caring of other people. Then friendships will form.

Being depressed, being sick or not being ambulatory is a problem. Otherwise, the world is your oyster.

59 here. I was let go from my marketing job when I hit 55; the boss told me that she wanted fresh ideas, but really wanted to get someone for 40K less than I was making to justify a 40K raise for herself. I investigated things with HR, but was told that they had no interest in pursuing age discrimination issues.

I found it impossible to get a job in my field (even a low level job). I took a job as a bartender at a brewery and as a driver for a tour bus. When COVID meant the end of those jobs, I'm now stocking in a grocery store. I'm making 1/3 of what I was making 5 years ago, but do have health insurance.

Under present regs, I can get Social Security at 67 and Medicare at 65. Biden's proposal of lowering the Medicare age to 60 is damned appealing right now.

In my 60s, straight women started noticing me, even coming on to me. I think this happens frequently. Being obviously gay adds to your allure....For many women, husband no. 1 was a mistake; with husband no. 2 they had the kids and, with luck, were left well off when he divorced them or died from overwork; now they're ready for no. 3 and want to have FUN and couldn't care less about sex....If I wanted to play my cards right (that is, have a "white marriage" with a nice rich woman), I could, except it doesn't appeal to me....But if you're at all presentable and unattached, you'll be noticed. A LOT. This isn't good or bad; it just happens. (Sadly, I do not seem to garner attention from younger guys, like R76. But so what? That's the way it is for me.)

I’m 60 and have recently realized that I’ve isolated myself by cutting out a Trumpster. Not because of his policies, per se, but because he was a racist, opinionated, alcoholic, abusive jackass, who yelled about things he saw on FOX. Unfortunately, he’s married to my sister, which has strained our relationship. She’s a good person at heart but he’s really been a bad influence on her. I was hoping I could outlast Trump’s social and familial influence, but it didn’t work out that way.

Other friends and family have a died; and now there’s this COVID thing. My 50s were pretty good, but I’ve been unhappy lately.

I wish I had advice to give but I don’t.

Speaking for myself, R93, if the only person standing between me and isolation were a racist, abusive jackass Trumpster, I would choose isolation without a moment's hesitation.

R75 - thank you.

And thank you everyone for sharing your experiences.

[quote] I’m 60 and have recently realized that I’ve isolated myself by cutting out a Trumpster. Not because of his policies, per se, but because he was a racist, opinionated, alcoholic, abusive jackass, who yelled about things he saw on FOX. Unfortunately, he’s married to my sister, which has strained our relationship.

ITA, R94. R93, don't blame yourself. There's only so much a person can take. My sister was married to an asshole and it alienated me from both of them.

Thanks R94 & R96. I miss the person my sister used to be, before her husband and she became emboldened by this shameless Fascism that is popularized and/or celebrated by Trump and Fox.

[quote]shameless Fascism that is popularized and/or celebrated by Trump and Fox.

Is this what this thread is going to be about now?

R93 and R96, I was actually speaking from experience. My sister is also married to a loudmouth, obnoxious Trumpster. We live about 500 miles apart, so it isn't difficult for me to avoid them. I did see them last Christmas. With the pandemic, I have an excuse for not seeing them this Christmas. Whenever I've been at their house, Fox News is blasting from the television seemingly 24 hours a day. I regret that my sister and I are no longer close, but as R96 said, there's only so much a person can take.

"If you can't be young and hot, the next best thing is to be middle-aged and rich."

R86, if that circle of friends tolerated your former friend insulting and humiliating you in their presence, you are well rid of them.

I will add to the caution of time passing so fast. I'm 66, and when I was young I felt my life stretched out limitlessly before me, that I had all the time in the world to do things. I often thought of what I would do when I was "older"...travel, possibly move to another part of the country, do this, do that.

Now that I am older, married at 59 and subsequently retired, I realize that so many of those dreams and desires will remain unfulfilled. My health is good but there is some arthritis, which affects mobility a bit. Actually, early this year I decided that I would start to travel a little, with a relative (my spouse has no interest). Now, who know if I will be able to, once travel is possible.

So many things that I could have done but didn't, and now I never will. I feel like I foreclosed a lot of my life and there is no changing it now. Do what you want when you can. You never know when it will come to a screeching halt. 2020 should be a lesson to all of us.

[quote]For those in your 40s: work hard, save money, travel when you can

Plus one on the travel suggestion.

I don't inherently like traveling. I would prefer being able to blink myself places, a la Samantha Stevens. Long story short, I put it off for many years, assuming it would something I'd do when I got older. Now—I'm in my late 60s (a nice temperature, decade or neighborhood, but as an age, not so much)—I don't want to travel because of my host of physical ailments which make it difficult, maybe impossible.

So, travel now, while you still can. You may not always be able to.

For those who got married later - any advice? On what you found important, what made it work, etc?

Same as r1. Don't like being alone and never to be romantically involved again, at over seventy.

I don't ejaculate 1/3 of the time I have sex, and my dick feels like the dentist shot it full of Novocaine. Before I die, I would like one more orgasm that feels like it did 30 years ago.

I've heard marijuana can get you feeling sexy when things have been a little "dry".

At the age of 57 1/2, I am doing just fine for someone with minimal aches and pains. I don't walk as much as I used to because lengthy walking and hikes (which I love) create pain in my ankles and make me out of breath, especially if I am talking on the phone. But I realized a long time ago, happiness is what you make of it, and I find happiness in the hobbies I've created, the small group of friends I still get with once a week for outdoor dining and cocktails.

I don't find the need to change, but I willingly make alterations as I need to. I prefer to remember the good times even though I've had a lot of loss in my life through friends and lovers who died either by their own hand or through other causes beyond their control. I choose to continue to live in memory of them because many of them wanted to live but destiny took that away from them. Even with Covid, I'm going into my office, doing my best to help friends keep their spirits up, and continuing to laugh in spite of the tragedy around us. I've never had to go to the doctor outside minor ailments, and I eat what I want within reason when I want. It helps to have a spirituality because that strength of a personal relationship with God does see me through the most confusing of times.

I'm 50 and my partner 52, Q. for those of you in your late 60s/70s: Are your retirement finances holding up as you planned? Do you think you'll have enough to last another 10-20 years? Did you stop working voluntarily or are you working until you can't anymore or you get laid off?

Thanks! While we are saving and still working I live with the fear we don't have nearly enough stashed away. We'd love to stop working at 65 at the LATEST. If Joe Biden reduces the Medicare access age to 60 we would consider retiring then.

R109 - I had the same worries. Not retired yet - but the one thing that is dramatically different as I get closer to retirement age is my spending. I spend 1/2 what I did in late 40s on restaurants and bars and luxuries. Getting out of NYC and living a more domestic life made a huge difference - but also just a change in interests to wanting to stay at home, cook and not go to bars and restaurants or buy unnecessary things.

I also second a lot of the comments here to not put off things until you retire. Travel now. Enjoy life now. While you have health - and the interest. Worry less about retirement - and don’t believe the fear-mongering investment advisors who insist you have millions saved before you can feel secure. From what I’ve seen, you are more likely to die before you use it than to outlive it.

Hi, daddies!

R109/R110, glad to see this as a topic of discussion. 59 here and just very recently retired. Planned on working another two and a half years, but just couldn't deal with the morons at work any more and decided the money just wasn't worth it. I live in a low cost area of the country and my house is paid off and I have saved/invested what I think of as a lot of money. My financial advisor tells me I will be fine, but since I grew up in a rural, lower middle-income at best, family, I still worry about running out of money. I'm also interested in hearing from people who have been retired now for a while and how your money is holding up.

I'm 66 and hope to make it to 67. A big regret is that I didn't travel Internationally more when I was younger. Places I want to visit may be off limits even if we have a good vaccine for Covid -19. As I age I notice it takes me longer to get over colds and viruses. My balance isn't as good as it was even at age 60 though thank god no falls yet. My closest friend is in another state. I'm not sure if I need more friends or just some acquaintances that would notice if I didn't show up somewhere. Thanks to Covid I suspended my volunteer activities. I have some chronic illness but maintain the health I have by healthy eating and daily exercise.

[quote]I'm 50 and my partner 52, Q. for those of you in your late 60s/70s: Are your retirement finances holding up as you planned? Do you think you'll have enough to last another 10-20 years?

Barring a total collapse of the economy, my retirement finances will outlive me. I waited until I was 68 to retire, which I now regret. I wish I had retired at 65, when I could get around with fewer aches and pains. I was always conscientious about saving for retirement, and I also inherited some money, but part of the reason I didn't retire sooner was that I figured I should make sure I would have ample retirement resources. Don't make that mistake if you can avoid it. I realize, of course, that many people have no choice but to continue working.

r112 Been retired 8 years and the bank account is holding up well. I have not taken SS yet, I am letting it accrue to the max before I sign on for it, which I believe I have to next March when I'll be 70 and 1/2yo.

My own pension plus what I get from my late husband's has been enough for fixed expenses, and occasional splurges. Investment portfolio is sacrosanct and not to be dipped into, we always operated that way and that philosophy served us well.

I feel that most people make out better than they would've thought while they were still employed. You just naturally become a bit more financially conservative, and being in a lower tax bracket certainly helps. You will find that previous must-haves have morphed into rarely-needed or been eliminated completely.

Do your homework, try to plan for any conceivable contingency to the best of your ability. When I see former co-workers they ask me a lot of questions, and the first thing I tell them is: Get yourself a legal pad and pen, and start writing down EVERYTHING you can think of that might have a bearing on your post-employment life. It's just not possible to keep everything in your brain. Once it's written down, you cannot forget or ignore it. Refer to this list often as you think of other things to add, and as you cross off situations that you've resolved to your satisfaction. DO. NOT. LEAVE. ANYTHING. TO. CHANCE.

Ask friends, acquaintances, family etc. for insight, you might learn some valuable things, and if not, it's still food for thought. Some decisions you'll be making will be irreversible, so it pays to have all pertinent information before you when you sign those dotted lines. I wish you all the best.

[quote] R199: I'm 50 and my partner 52, Q. for those of you in your late 60s/70s: Are your retirement finances holding up as you planned?

I retired when I was 50, 10 years ago, and my finanances are holding up just fine; however, I looked at the history of the economy and stock market. We have had financial shocks on a regular basis, looking back at history, Remember the crash of Oct 19, 1987? The stock market indexes fell 20%-40% in a single day. Junk bonds; the Savings and Loan bank crisis is almost forgotten. The dot-com crash on 2000ish. The housing crash of 2008, of course. Now the pandemic which isn’t done with us, yet. Their are lots of examples of reversals. My point being, it’s a crap shot. I just hope I outlive my savings

Yes, the market always seems to recover, but if you need money when things are down, it’s a problem. I knew a guy who was ruined in the. housing crash because he was flipping houses in Florida, and lost what was practically a game of musical chairs.

I meant to respond in r116, to R109, not r199! Oops!

I'm a few years away.

I find myself mourning for things and people lost, and some of the changes in the US and the world.

But I had a similar period of adjustment at 30, so I am hoping it's just a little adjustment malaise.

Advice to those contemplating retirement: if you don’t have a financial adviser, see a financial planner and ensure they run your long-term projections through a range of scenarios, including some that are pretty dire. Don’t just count on your portfolio appreciating by four or five percent every year. And realize that bad years for the market tend to come in extended periods, so you could be facing a number of consecutive years in which your returns are lower than planned, even if it all averages out over decades,

They say the biggest risk to a retirement plan is a financial downturn in the early years of your retirement, as you will be forced to draw down on your capital.

(My partner actually has ten years worth of expenses sitting in cash.)

Otherwise, it will end in tears.

r119, make sure your financial planner is paid by the hour or a flat fee instead of an ongoing expense.

How do you find and choose the right financial planner?

[quote] R121: How do you find and choose the right financial planner?

This has been what has been my problem (ok, among many others). I’d get an advisor, but don’t know one, or how to do so.

Maybe you ask successful friends who they use?

Great Thread!

I retired 5 years ago, paid off the condo and car so I had no big financial obligations my partner and I have traveled but not this year. I don't have a lot of money, my accountant said I'm comfortable, no money worries. Health is good the only prescription drug I take is a low dose Atorvastatin I have friends taking up to 13 drugs per day so I consider myself lucky. I hope I can continue like this for many more years. Like others friends have died or moved away so my circle of friends has gotten smaller and yes it is tough to make new friends. My sisters and brother are older so we get together a few times a m month for lunch we enjoy each others company more now that we are all retired. Life is good for now.

R115, Your SS will be at its max the month you turn 70. Zero point to waiting (are you confusing it with the "70 1/2 to start taking your Required Distribution from your IRA?).

I’m 56 and I just bought what I hope is my last car.

2019 Smart car. My other car is a 2015 Nissan Altima.

I only drive the Smart car to work. I’ll be putting about 3000 miles a year on it.

Hopefully the two cars will last the rest of my life.

I smoked for 17 years and the last four years I smoked four packs a day. I’ll gladly take whatever time I have left but I don’t expect to live to see 80.

[quote]How do you find and choose the right financial planner?

There's an old saying, by the time you know if your financial advisor is good, you know enough to do your own investing. I took a night class through a local community college and read the boglehead forums and learned enough to manage my own investments using a few index funds. Set it and forget it.

[quote]How do you find and choose the right financial planner?

Substitute "lawyer" for "financial planner" and this sounds like a late-night ad on one of the mesothelioma channels.

I used to invest my sister’s money, for 8 years, but her husband, who never misses an opportunity to lose money on a sure thing, has taken over after I quit.

I had just spent three or four years or so, slowly moving his kid’s college money out of a high-fee investment account, designed for Virginians (they’re in CT), and doing so in a way that avoided withdrawal fees (back end fees). Their previous financial advisor put their money there, probably because he got the best commission that way, because it made no sense.

Then, they became enamored with some huckster who wanted to manage their investments for [bold] no fee. [/bold] I couldn’t convince them that there [italic] had [/italic] to be a fee. [italic] “The guy’s got to feed his family.” [/italic] Meanwhile, I wasn’t charging them a fee.

Finally I told them, well, if you really like the guy, give him $2500 and see how that works out. One day, I found his kid’s account emptied out. I was worried if it was stolen at first. No, he gave this advisor $45,000, his entire college savings. It was not as bad as it could have been. He could have stolen it all. He took the money and put it in a legitimate high-fee account for the state of CT, with high back end fees.

So, of course there were fees.

Meanwhile, I made them 53% over the three previous years, while managing their risk.

The hardest part about the age frame is living long enough to get on Medicare.

Two years to go.

Love this thread..... any other great words of wisdom?

I don't like the daily headaches which I wake me up.

r39: That's happened to me twice now. Was told by urologist that it's prostate-related -- not cancer, necessarily, just prostatitis, can be stress. This will sound odd, but: (1) stick your finger in there and rub it, prostate massage helps; (2) do kegel exercises every day -- if you can them while on the floor, doing a yoga "bridge" pose, that's ideal. That exercise strengthens your pelvic floor (where your prostate and all the other plumbing) sits and will strongly help your sex drive, erections and orgasms. I was suffering through this in the last month -- like you said, might as well be peeing and very little came out -- and the above, combined with trying to de-stress and relax has brought everything back. Good luck!

Wisdom? Know what you want to do after you've done what you had to do. And then do it. I tapped out at 65 and had a hard time the first year because I had no plan. It took a while to figure out what to do. I did, by trial and error, and it's better now. I miss the gym the most these days. I enjoy the lack of structure and repetition to my days now, too, but it took a year or so to slow down and get used to it.

I'm happy at home, so that's covered. My employer was generous and I got serious about saving in my 30's when I settled down. Financial discipline has to start then. Shit was expensive when we were young, too. It's always a sacrifice in the present to save for the future but the payoff has been decent: no money worries. I have shitty health but we both have great healthcare coverage so it won't bankrupt us.

It was harder still to save for the future when you saw all your friends dying in the 1980s and '90s and wondered if you had a future to save for. Literally "all" - my husband and I had thirty or so close gay male friends when we were thirty. There are three of us left. You make new friends, but it's not the same. [italic]“Bliss it was in that dawn to be alive. But to be young was very heaven.”[/italic] That's the way it's supposed to be. Back then? Not so much.

I can't take too much credit. I've been lucky - lucky to be born when I was, where I was, as I was, to meet who I did and do what I did - and to have survived two plagues (so far...) without too many bruises. Christ, I'm glad to be here. The rewards have far outweighed any sacrifices.

Finally: don't let Trump fuck it up even more. Vote him out!

I'm 61 and have been retired to a sweet country town for 3 years. At 27, I learned I was HIV positive and was on the early experimental drugs, luckily settling on a protease cocktail regime in the late '90s, which has been tweaked as new drugs came on the horizon. During that time I started a small business from the ground up and was able to ultimately sell it for a nice price to help fund my semi-early retiirement.

While I'd like to travel more now, I'm glad for the opportunities I had as a younger, vibrant man earlier in life. Currently I'm faced with some HIV related unpleasantness that is limiting my ability to get around the way I'd like. I'm facing several surgeries and fingers crossed they will be successful.

I'm mostly single now and see the advantages and disadvantages of both. Truly happy for the guys here in long terrm happy relatiionships. I've made some good new friends in the area where I now live, and due to COVID, have renewed some stagnant friendships via regular Zoom gatherings and some SD get togethers. Some of those people go way back., and I'm grateful for .the connection. Doing some volunteering for poiitical causes and to help those in serious need hels.

Hoping for a better future politically (fuck Trump), environmentally (fuck these fires), and personally, (fuck not being able to walk).

What state do you live in , R134?

California, R135

72 here. This morning I felt like a 20 year old boy. But I couldn’t find one!

So many interesting responses here.

Just turned 60 and still work for myself in a creative field that I still like. It’s gotten much harder with Covid, but I’m realizing that my clients are coming back and I hope to keep this going another few years. I’m probably the oldest person in my town doing what I do, and I went through a tough time emotionally about seven years ago when I realized I’m not getting the best work - if I ever did. But that’s the thing with creative jobs. There’s always younger people coming in behind you. I ended up finding a nice peace with it. And then I get surprised by a good assignment coming my way.

Definitely feel my age. But that’s not that bad really. I moved to New York in 1982 and was shy, so while I didn’t experience the depth of death that many guys a few years older than me went through, I still lost too many friends. And I know I have PSTD from that period. It was years of wondering if you had it or not and no test, of course. Every bruise, every cough, every ache, you’d wonder if it was AIDS. Covid reminds me of this but is so much easier to deal with. Anyway, living through that has always made me appreciate getting older and just enjoying seeing what comes next. Even the difficult parts. It’s such a gift.

But then again, I noticed my knees were so achy climbing the stairs today. That’s never happened. ;-)

R138 - well said. For those of us 55-70, I think just being alive is such an accomplishment that everything else is just gravy. Maybe I’m jealous of the younger kids who don’t have to live in fear of dying. But I’m also grateful I wasn’t born too much earlier before gay rights started. Covid has brought everything full circle - feel like I’m sharing a hint of the paranoia I lived with for years with the world. I feel less like I was singled out for suffering.

Great thread. I think it needs some crackpot California old beatnik humble-bragging spiritual homiletics, eh?

69 years old, married for 12 years to the man I've been with 26 years. He's 18 years younger than I, which sometimes "keeps me young" and sometimes makes my feel old. I think covid made me, and friends of my vintage, to feel, yes, elderly. Staying at home, and enjoying it, made me see a life of genteel maturity... and it was ok.

I retired and began to draw a healthy pension three years ago - and have been working as a consultant on top of that. In the last couple years I've brought in more $ than ever in my life - and it's allowed home remodeling and building up savings and travel etc. For anyone middle aged, check the numbers on your retirement resources, and sock away as much as possible now - shelter the income. It does two things - of course it save money of retirement - but it also reduces the $ you have to live on now, so makes the transition to a lowered income less noticeable.

I recommend good pensions. I feel more comfortable financially now than when I was working fulltime. As was observed upthread, as you grow older you spend less money for a bunch of reasons. We've traveled - saw Paris again last year - Notre Dame before the fire. That's a lesson there - see what you see now, you have no idea when it can go away. Mobility it good. I've gotten down to my HS weight, yoga every day, weights 3-4 times a week, hike 8-10 miles regularly. I've had heart attack and take statins, but that's it. Physically I like my old self, except for the skin. No one talked about the skin. Sometimes I look down at my shapely muscular legs and see....a very old man's legs. How did that shit with the skin happen? Sagging, wrinkles, Jesus.

Now the hippie stuff: 40, 55, 70, 85... it's all the same consciousness with the same problems posed. Thinking about the past or the future, or calculating what isn't and what you don't have, or cluttered thoughts of worrying which weigh the moment down. Breathing, meditation, Jesus the redeemer, Buddha, the Tao, contemplative monks, mindfulness New Age courses, Sufi spinning, Shekinah glorious stuff, eh? Whatever it is, learn how to love this moment, this day, not let the noise obscure the Presence. Unplugging whatever it is that diminishes your experiences what is right here. Living with total awareness - will make whatever happens ok. Not living like this will make you miss what's in your hands, no matter how wonderful.

Good thoughts to all you old DLers... threads like this accomplish what social media was supposed to do, and rarely does.

I will turn 68 in January. I am not sure what to make of that. I never gave much thought to my mortality until a couple of weeks ago when I learned that a young straight musician I mentored a couple of years ago is dying of heart trouble at just 34. I fully expected to see him succeed in Nashville and become a fixture at the Grand Ol' Opry, or something like that. Instead, he will join others I have befriended who left the scene early.

I sort of retired two years ago because I received an inheritance that allowed for that. Last year, I fulfilled a life-long ambition to travel and drove around France twice and spent a total of about three weeks in Venice, which I now consider my favorite city. I also went to Peru to see Machu Picchu. I am grateful I chose last year to see the world because who knows when we will be able to do that again?

For the first time in my life I am seeing a doctor on a regular basis because I am now borderline Type 2 diabetes. I never thought I would be in serious discussions about changing my diet and lifestyle, because I don't smoke, and always avoided sugary drinks and fast food. I consider myself healthier than many guys my age but obviously that gets you only so far.

I live alone because that's my choice. But I never have had a serious relationship with another gay man. And I am now too old to be dating. In fact, I have no desire to start. I have lots of straight friends and acquaintances, so being social isn't an issue. I have few regrets about the choices I have made, but the arthritis in my back tells me there's no time to waste. I want to live a fulfilling life for as long as I am able.

Such good insights here. I feel I’ve spent my whole life worrying about saving enough for retirement. Crappy jobs I hated, stress that distracts from living in the moment, I wonder if it will be worth it when I retire - assuming I don’t die first. The retirement money game in the 21st century without pensions is a source of perpetual anxiety.

Regarding the questions about finding a financial planner. I often watched the local NBC affiliate's morning talk show and once a month they would have a segment on financial planning. The segments usually involved a local CFP who had authored a number of books on the subject and also wrote a financial advice column for the local paper. Like many, I had been trying to figure out how to find a reputable, fee-based financial planner to help me review my finances to plan for retirement - but I didn't know where to start. Then it dawned on me - why not call this person? I did and after an initial telephone interview, we met in person to review my needs. She discussed what she could do relative to retirement planning and reviewed her fees. We had three lengthy in-person planning sessions and multiple phone sessions over a six month period. She ran endless planning scenarios - retire at 65 or 68 or 70; stock market has 5 good years vs. 5 bad years; good health for 25 years vs requirement for assisted living; etc. etc. Not only did this give me a well documented plan, it opened my eyes to a lot of things I hadn't thought of (and pointed out some things I was over-thinking). It was money well spent and gave me the confidence to retire at 66 rather than keep working. Since she charges an hourly rate, I can meet with her again anytime to update my plan should the need arise.

And if I was giving financial advice to anyone in the 30's or 40's, it would be to max out your 401k. Sock away every raise and bonus (or other windfall). And stick to index funds, especially those that track "total market" and S&P 500. (Another recommendation to use Vanguard. I've been a customer for 25 years.)

Pensions don’t exist anymore outside of public service

I'm 63 and work from home. I can't retire. I'm frightened.

One thing I did and would recommend to everyone is to open a Roth IRA. You put in after tax money and don't touch it for 5 years which I think is one of the requirements. After that time all assets in that account becomes tax free. I did this 20 years ago since then the account has more than quadrupled.

401ks will disappear under the democratic socialist party. We need a third option. A party who allows for individual freedoms but keeps their grubby hands out of our pockets!

Hey R147 -- how's the weather in Moscow this morning?

r144, back in the 80s, during the Reagan recession, I was unemployed for two years.

I remember relatives of mine saying that I should take one of those crappy, low paying government jobs because of the pension and security.

I took a 50% pay cut and went to work as a government functionary.

I retired at 60, have ObamaCare and twice what Social Security would have paid me.

I tell every young person who will listen to get a Social Work BA and a MSW in ADMINISTRATION and go to work for a GOVERNMENT agency. (Never put an MSW on your first resume.)

The Feds are screaming for entry level young people and in 40 years they will be on easy street.

My 2cents

56, never finished college but always was able to get fairly good jobs but now I think I've aged out of the job market. Got furloughed from last crap but steady job due to Covid. Unemployment and DoorDash, Favor Running for money. Anyone who says there is no age discrimination in the job market is lying. Sending out resumes everywhere and can't even get hired at a grocery store. I have a roommate I tolerate out of necessity. I'll never be able to retire unless, knock on wood, my father/mother leave me money. I may end up with my mother anyway as she's just retired in the country and may need help herself. Dad is probably close to 90 and in pretty good shape and Mom is late 70's and also in pretty good shape. They are both remarried.

Relationship with last bf just kind of petered out. No dramatic break up or anything. We just started calling each other less and less. He was older than me and the sex just wasn't there anymore and I found I simply didn't miss him when he wasn't around and he was very set in his ways and boring, I finally realized. Always ate at the same places, had a daily routine of the exact same things, etc. Typical old man behavior.

Physically, hair sprouting out of places I don't want it. Weight gain and harder to take off. Other than that, I'm not in bad shape but I've really discovered that I cannot get down on the floor anymore without having to hold onto something to get back up. When I was young I could spring up and down. Mentally, I remain fairly cheerful. I've never been given over to depression which considering my financial situation is good.

R143 R146 - both share a central principle - shelter as much money as possible from taxes. Any raises etc should be sheltered.

R147 is trolling and is only mildly amusing. A pension is Social Security. Social Security is your $ invested for you future, your $ paying for others' retirement, just as others will pay for you when you retire. The Social Security system is fiscally fragile now - largely because the federal government has plundered the fund to address the huge deficits we're building. Despite their talking points, it is the Republican Party who cause the biggest deficits. This is firm data, not a political statement.

R144 As recently as a decade ago 22% of pensioned workers were in the public sector. It's much less now, and its decline started in the Reagan era, when collective bargaining was effectively destroyed. The "middle class" that miraculously occurred in the middle of the last century has been under attack since then - what is "socialist anarchist" practice now, was simple middle class practices for American families before the 80s. The current 401k/Roth IRA fiscal "promise" advantages the financial sector more than the workers. All those $ poured into a Market that increasingly has nothing to do with the new economy. Periodic crises (dot com bubble, derivatives crash and Recession, covid) leverage $ from the middle class to the fiscal manager/investment class. Sadly, there may be no solution... but if you are on the "good side" of the financial chasm in our country between the resourced and those struggling to live paycheck to paycheck... you are lucky, not more deserving than those struggle.

I am lucky.

22% of workers were in the PRIVATE sector ^^

57. Maintaining a healthy weight requires being very careful about what you eat and you must have an exercise program. Every excess calorie will turn into fat.

Nothing ages a person more than smoking and alcohol (and being overweight). The consequences of your lifestyle choices become visible in your 50s. And healthcare is very expensive in the US (increasingly so the more you need it).

Save money. Look at all consumer product advertising as nothing more than a ploy to separate you from your money.

Spend your money on experiences like travel, rather than possessions and other assets that deteriorate in value (i.e., cars - especially new cars).

I'll turn 60 next month. During the financial meltdown (2008?) I had a lot of financial stress and had to spend much of my savings to stay afloat. I then remade myself and was one of the top data scientists in my company and replenished some of my savings.

This spring we had a huge layoff of 300 people and I was one of them. I can't go through this again after going through it in 2008. It all seems pointless.

R151 I wasn’t trolling or making a political statement. Our government steals from us. Both sides.

R149 proved my point. Lazy government workers are set for life for doing meaningless tasks that require an online MSW that any 3rd grader can get. A friend of mine is a police officer who has a 9-5 desk job making ~200k/year and will continue to get that once he retires (at age 50 I think). He will still work for the government, earning more money, after he “retires”.

I don’t want to derail this great thread, but I think people are coming here for advice. My advice as a 30-something is to be careful what our government is going to do to us.

Hey R155 we asked you what the weather was like in Russia and instead of responding, you keep spouting off your republican talking points. Not as interesting as your giving us a native's eye view of what it's like in Moscow today.

Most of that generation died of the aids. The ones who survived are wretched.

R155 = Qanon. That damn government - social security, military, safe food, clean water, schools, interstate highways, hurricane/earthquake response, cancer research. Damn government. Conspiracy! They want to cure our cancer!!

I had friends that died of it, but I'm anything but wretched now

[quote]Lazy government workers are set for life for doing meaningless tasks that require an online MSW that any 3rd grader can get.

@ r155 Gad, you are a hateful human being. I worked for decades doing nursing home placement for medicaid applicants. Like most government jobs it involves the application of reams of rules and regulations and took technical expertise that I gained on the job. It was not a meaningless task for the hundreds of families I assisted after the care of a loved one became too much to handle. My job did not require an MSW but I recommend it to any Gen Zer. Healthcare services is one job that is difficult to automate. According to your advice, I also would recommend that any Third Grader who is able to get an online MSW. At worst it would max out their Social Security years.

I am 68 and my partner is 75. This year we celebrated our 46th anniversary. Time has flown by. The saddest thing now is friends dying. Years ago our closest friends died of AIDs. (Maybe our relationship protected us from getting it?) This year COVID has been a bitch. We moved into a new house in a new community in Nov. We were just getting settled and Covid hit. My partner still works, his job brought us to FL ten years ago. We still have a place up north but spend most of our time in FL. Between Covid and a new community it has been sometimes lonely for me in the past six months. I miss having friends over, traveling and going out to eat. Work around the house and in my gardens have been my pleasures. It is a very stress free time of our lives. For younger people fearful of finances, as mentioned in earlier posts, we don't spend as much as we used to. Medicare is a godsend, although we have been healthy we have spent thousands for healthcare in the past. I have spent time reconnecting with former friends, schoolmates, neighbors and it has been very rewarding to recultivate these relationships.

R153 thats a bunch of good advice right there. So many guys my age let themselves go, worst mistake you can make. I do a couple hours every day either swimming or biking, and am within normal BMI. Which means my health is great, and if I need to keep working I can do so without an worries. It also means I can do stuf for myslef like house and car maintenance that otherwise I'd have to pay someone else to do. Triple win.

Drinking, smoking and being overweight really do age you horrendously, and especially more than one of those combined. Ex is all three and looks like utter shit

I also dont intend to completely stop working, partly for financial reasons but also because it keeps your mind active which is important

Partner and me do spend on travel, and that is even more fun and easier if you are fit and healthy. Havent got a new car, never will, would far rather have something old I can fix myself

R157 Go fuck yourself. No one else will.

R157 - Things haven't been easy on our generation, but as JC said to Christina "No one ever said life is fair".

I've survived AIDS, DADT, DOMA, 9/11 and the Financial Crisis.

I made it through all of last year. And I'm here.

This is a terrific thread, OP. Thank you.

And remember unless you have dependents there is a good chance you will die before spending all that money you socked away. While planning for the golden years is a good thing I do think some people over plan. Right now with Covid raging I find it hard to spend a grand a month. I suppose the humane society will benefit from it one day. Many people stay in awful jobs for a few more eyars thinking they will need the money. Some will but many will not.

I did exactly that, R166, staying in a job several years longer than I needed to just to "make sure" I would have enough retirement money. I certainly didn't hate my job, so it wasn't all bad, but my biggest retirement regret is not having done it sooner, especially now that all my travel plans are on hold because of Covid, and I'm not getting any younger. I retired last year. My timing sort of sucked. That said, I'm still enjoying retirement and certainly recommend it for those who are in a position to do it.

My retirement plans have been derailed too due to Covid. I left a part time job a month before Covid hit. The plan was to spend a year traveling in India. I do wonder if it will ever happen now.

I will be 64 in November. A health issue forced me to retire from a high stress career in my mid 50s and it was the best thing that could have happened to me. My husband is 66 and still working though he doesn't have to. We're not rich but we're comfortable. I disagree with the notion that you don't get to make new friends when you're older. If you have an activity in retirement that can be shared in a group, there's a possibility of gaining a whole bunch of new friends who share your interest. My advice to those younger people who are asking for help is to save whatever you can, even if it's twenty bucks a week, as early as you can and find a trustworthy financial advisor. We started saving late. Big mistake.

I am 66 and it seems to have gotten here in the blink of an eye. Once you hit 40, the years go flying by so fast, one day you wake up and you're 66. I am retired and I love it. I do not miss working at all. The Covid-19 pandemic has unfortunately put a great big hold on socializing or taking big trips. Not getting together with friends as often as we did is frustrating. I've learned not to react so quickly with an opinion; step back and think about your reaction or what you want to say. Hair loss is a big surprise since I used to be Mr. Aqua-Net with the styling and hairspray in the college days and afterwards. Losing weight is a fucking bitch. Eat right and exercise can help but, believe me, the body slows down no matter what. I've been in love 2x in my life so I am glad that I had those experiences. However, the past years have not led me to a Soulmate so I am getting used to the idea that I won't meet anyone and I'm on my own. That's okay, I've been pretty independent my whole life. Since I am totally a believer in monosomy, sex has been a lost art form for me. Ah, but there are memories.

^^^^^^ MONOGAMY in last sentence

You have to work on your health.

At 60 I am happy with myself and with the people and state of things around me, in fact I have no real complaints of any note.

I enjoy good health, and good universal health care. I married five years ago and while that has not been perfect at every step it has been great. I live where I would most prefer to live in the world. As for money I'm comfortable if not rich, own a nice place in the city center with all that I need close at hand and no need for a car, have some free money that I can't afford to lose but could buy a modest second home, say, in cash; my income should be good and the cost of living here is low and quality high. I continue to work (from home for many years) because I enjoy it for now, and I have lots of time off. In these times of travel and other restrictions, why not continue, but should office politics or changes conspire to make things complicated or unpleasant, I can say fuck it and walk away.

The worst thing? The uncertainty of continued good health, I suppose, of losing the ease of moving about in the world or the pleasure of doing so.

Looks change with age but age also increases the ability to realize one's own good fortune and to be happy with it. The greatest surprise (and pleasure) may be that ability, which I always knew to be true in theory but now have the good luck to know it in practice daily.

R132, Thank you for the insight, and your genuine response. Most appreciated.

I'm finally earning proper money, and I'm now pretty sure I can get through retirement without worry. Not having financial concerns is an amazing elixir, and I am sympathetic to those my age who do have them. Also, my 50s were the worst decade of my life, so my 60s are better just by contrast. And I have no worry about keeping busy in future, there's a list of things as long as my arm I want to get about.

Otoh, I've never been gregarious and now I can count my friends on the fingers of one hand. And Trump and all his ilk must be slaughtered, I hated the Bushes venomously but I didn't feel fear then as I do now.