How do you find being this age?
What do you like? What don't you like?
What surprises you about it?
(i'll add my experience later, if this catches...better that way)
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How do you find being this age?
What do you like? What don't you like?
What surprises you about it?
(i'll add my experience later, if this catches...better that way)
|by Anonymous||reply 129||Last Friday at 8:25 AM|
I love being retired and not having to go to a miserable job each day.
|by Anonymous||reply 1||09/12/2020|
I'll bite, OP. I will be 60 later this month. Been partnered for 37 years. Have two young kids. I don't feel old - but I don't have as much energy as I used to. I don't sleep as well as I used to. Probably drink too much - but I generally feel OK. As long as we get Trump out of the White House, I'll feel much better.
|by Anonymous||reply 2||09/12/2020|
59. Single. Am feeling isolated due to COVID. fortunate to have a secure job and and a home.
|by Anonymous||reply 3||09/12/2020|
I'm 57. Seeing people I remember as young adults dying of old age seems odd.
I like having a history. I didn't like being YOUNG. It was rather frightening. So much future to contend with.
People you grew up with, famous people dying all the time, feels sad.
I was always a fast walker. I notice people overtaking me on the sidewalk. That feels odd.
Life seems less SHARP...I'm becoming vaguer and rather like it.
|by Anonymous||reply 4||09/12/2020|
Bladders come weak.
|by Anonymous||reply 5||09/12/2020|
I would guess at least 80% of the posters on Datalounge are that age OP
But you knew that, right?
|by Anonymous||reply 6||09/12/2020|
Actually, I'm noticing a lot of even older people creeping back, R6.
A lot of them abandoned DL when the new format came in.
|by Anonymous||reply 7||09/12/2020|
Sadly, in this age group, many people are at deaths door or approaching it. Reminds us that life is indeed very temporary, but there is eternal life with the Lord to look forward to.
|by Anonymous||reply 8||09/12/2020|
I’m 55, with my partner for 27 years, yikes! I was always pretty happy with my life but the last two years have been difficult. I had some surgeries, a change of supervisor at work, and lost an important friendship, and I have to say for the first time ever I feel a bit disappointed or, hate to say it, lost. I don’t feel as if I know what I’m supposed to be doing or what my purpose is. It’s tough. My relationship is still good and I’m working and we paid off our home and all our debt. I have nothing to be upset about, and I am grateful, but it’s like some enthusiasm for living has been lost. Of course, the depressing events of the last four years and especially this one haven’t helped.
|by Anonymous||reply 9||09/12/2020|
I'm 57, too, and very much relate to everything R4 said. I see the retirement light at the end of the tunnel in four more years, but who knows if I'll make it that far? I have severe arthritis and on my bad days it's just about incapacitating. I'm single, but I have a 24-year-old fuck bud.
|by Anonymous||reply 10||09/12/2020|
[quote] I have severe arthritis and on my bad days it's just about incapacitating.
So sorry to hear that.
Is there a lot of sugar in your diet? Past or present?
|by Anonymous||reply 11||09/12/2020|
Thanks, R11. It's RA.
|by Anonymous||reply 12||09/12/2020|
I'll be 59 next month. I was let go from my job back in July, but I had been working from home for years, so I'm still waiting for it to sink in. I told my financial advisor to consider me retired, and we made a bunch of updates to my accounts to reflect the change. It's sort of like walking a tightrope right now, living without the income from my job.
Anyway, my physical and emotional health are already better (I quit drinking), and I've been busy catching up on projects around the house. Overall, I'm pretty happy. My ex is still my best friend, and my (retired) older brother is happy to have someone to do things with.
What I don't like: my doctors have decided to catch up on all sorts of tests and procedures, and I'm still trying to get my COBRA coverage in place, so I've been paying more than I'm accustomed to paying. Health insurance is probably the primary reason so many of us have continued to work. Luckily, I look and feel younger than my age, so they tell me.
|by Anonymous||reply 13||09/12/2020|
I'm retired and I like it but I miss the routine of being at work. Any type of routine is important. I live by myself and tend to isolate too much and the pandemic has made it even worse. I'm not falling apart but I could be doing a lot better. Things of a spiritual nature, a belief in a Higher Power, going to church ( a church that I go to has opened again after being closed for months because of the pandemic and I'm going tomorrow) and certainly Meditation keep me grounded as an aging gay man who missed out on so much in the first part of my life. After all these years I'm gaining new insights about myself and am going to forge ahead. As the old saying goes - It Gets Better.
P.S. If there is such a thing as reincarnation I'm going to come back, make up for lost time, and have a great life!
|by Anonymous||reply 14||09/12/2020|
[quote]and my (retired) older brother is happy to have someone to do things with.
What sort of things do you do, if you don't mind me asking?
|by Anonymous||reply 15||09/12/2020|
I am retired and don't miss work. I do miss the good health and high energy levels I took for granted in my 20s and 30s!
|by Anonymous||reply 16||09/12/2020|
53.- but feel - and look - 58. Expect to die by late 60s, so I feel I fit this category. Semi - retired as I want to enjoy some retirement time before I get sick or die. Pandemic is like retirement multiplied. I love it. Not having routine or a job is my best life. Never been happier. My only fear is this perfect life will be cut short by my or my partners death. But living for today has been the lesson I’ve learned in this stage of life.
|by Anonymous||reply 17||09/12/2020|
I am 66 and have been retired for 2 years. I am shocked how fast I got to this stage in life. The weeks go by MUCH faster now that I do not work. As I got older I started writing off people who I no longer had things in common with, or who had traits that annoyed the fuck out of me, even the ones I had been friends with since my 20s. And many of them have written me off as well, probably for the same reasons. When I was younger I was a phone queen and spent most of my time at home on the phone. Now I can't stand talking on the phone and I am tortured every time the phone rings. Sometimes it is hard to wrap my brain around the fact that I *AM* old, despite the fact that I have passed several goals to prove it (cataract surgery on both eyes, prostate cancer, I take 9 different meds a day.
|by Anonymous||reply 18||09/12/2020|
I just turned 68 and realized I've been retired for almost 10 years (I retired at 58 at the end of 2010.) In that time I've lost both my sister (age 55) and my mother (age 93) and now I have no close family left. I had little bid of a health scare recently (non-COVID-related) and also realized that I'm now the same age as my father when he died. So I've started thinking a lot more about the time I have left. I had been traveling a lot recently, but who knows when that will be viable again? I'm definitely worried about being alone -- something that was never an issue when I was younger. (I've never had a partner and haven't had a roommate since college.) I'm financially well-off, but I have a hard time making decisions and changing. I constantly beat myself up about not taking advantage of the money I have and living a better life. It's frustrating, and this pandemic has just made it all worse.
|by Anonymous||reply 19||09/12/2020|
Except for myriad aches and pains, I’m retired and happy as a pig in shit. Wish I could stick around longer.
|by Anonymous||reply 20||09/12/2020|
I’ll be 61 next month. I’m single and still working. I’m making great $$$ so I’ll work till 65.
|by Anonymous||reply 21||09/12/2020|
Elder gay male here. I just turned 69 late last month, I never ever thought I would live to be this old, I am truly amazed that I have. I was forced to retired at 59 because of a small non-cancerous brain tumor. I had radiation to destroy the tumor but since it involved the inner ear it has left me deaf in one ear, my sense of balance really messed up and have constant very loud ringing in one ear like an alarm clock that never goes off. Despite all that I feel like I am doing pretty good, love being retired even though I liked my job. I am probably the happiest I have ever been in my life, I am single and live alone which is probably best for me. Based on how long my parents lived I am guessing I have between 6-10 years left, but you just never know.
When you are 69 you definitely feel the deterioration your body is experiencing, aches and pains, cuts don't heal as fast as, the mind definitely isn't as sharp as it use to be even though people tell me I seem to have a really good memory. I am lucky in the sense that I rarely ever get bored or lonely, in fact I am more likely bored or lonely if I am around a large group of people. Even though I am 69 I have very little grey hair or wrinkles, so people never assume I am as old as I am. While not rich I am financial secure, I spend very little and live just on my Social Security, I have other investments if I need them, I just don't. Not worrying about money sure helps, it wasn't always that way. I love not having to work, but I saved most my life, didn't take vacations or travel, now I don't want to.
|by Anonymous||reply 22||09/12/2020|
I'm happily retired. Not especially enjoying the isolation because of Covid and staying at home at a time when I had planned on some travel, but we're all in the same boat now. My health is okay, some arthritis aside. What bothers me most is how quickly the years seem to go by now that I'm approaching my late 60s. I'm still enjoying life and would like to keep on enjoying it. But the speeding up of time makes me realize that I really don't have that many "good years" left, by which I mean years in which I'll be able to stay active. I try not to dwell on that, and to just focus on enjoying each day as it comes. But in recent months, a couple of college friends and a former co-worker have died, which is just another reminder that the clock is ticking. At the same time, that realization makes me appreciate what I have and reminds me not to take anything for granted.
|by Anonymous||reply 23||09/12/2020|
I turned 57 last month. Before COVID/WuFlu hit, I was loving my retirement. I retired at 55 and in 2.5 years I took 7 great trips...Greece, Switzerland, Belgium & Holland, Canadian Rockies, Newfoundland, 9 Eastern European countries and Costa Rica. I'm glad I travelled so much because it looks like I won't be travelling at all for 2 or 3 years. I'm single and have pretty much resigned myself to that or in the words of Jack Albertson in The Subject Was Roses, "the humping I'm getting isn't worth the humping I'm getting. Even with the pandemic, life is good.
|by Anonymous||reply 24||09/12/2020|
I am 63, husband is 70. I just retired this May. Financially we are well off and have very little stress in our lives. But, I developed MS at age 59 and that changed my perspective on life rather rudely! I had never had any health problems until that diagnosis.
Over all, I much prefer being older compared to being young. I am more at peace with myself and my life. I hated my 20s and all the BS that went with finding yourself. All of that is behind me, and I'm glad. Some of the negatives of aging are pretty heavy however. The death of family and close friends weighs heavily. And having friends move away after they retire was something I didn't expect. Neither I, nor my husband, have any siblings alive, so we rely on friends more than most, and when they move away, it really bothers us. Also, it is harder to make new friends when you're older.
|by Anonymous||reply 25||09/12/2020|
I can’t get hard. It takes forever to cum.
|by Anonymous||reply 26||09/12/2020|
I am 69, been retired since 56, but worked as education consultant part time till 65. Able to live comfortably, and fair health. I moved in December to a 55+ community where a friend lived., was just getting acclimated when covid hit. Funny, I was very uncertain about living in this kind of community, but in the current situation, it has been a good thing. Did not intend to spend so much time at home, quasi isolated. But my house is situated on a pond, the whole place is laid out for walking, I have a patio, much better than living in an apartment in much busier town.
Waiting out covid for a year or more is tough, but at 40, there are many more years. At 69, these are precious months and years. Trying to think of this as another of life's unasked for transitions. If I live, I will get to see what life post covid becomes.
|by Anonymous||reply 27||09/12/2020|
OP: you hit a nerve. Great/interesting posts, all.
|by Anonymous||reply 28||09/12/2020|
This will come off as bragging but what's the point of bragging on an anonymous board? You might as well brag in to a mirror. Because.... I'm 68 and in excellent health. I feel good, I exercise, I eat well. Never had any health issues. My career is still going very strong and I see no reason to end it (freelancer). I have lots of friends and enough money not to worry. Not in a relationship, but I am dating a nice guy and maybe that'll go somewhere, but I don't really care -- growing older well means learning to take care of yourself well. The point, as I said, isn't to brag -- I know I'm lucky but 1) my earlier life was not good -- I was the smallest and weakest kid in school, the last to go through puberty, and that was hell. But it's paying off now, as it seems like that late start to growing up has meant a late start to growing old.
And 2) For those younger than 55-70, don't expect that what happens to others will happen to you. You could age wonderfully well, or you could age terribly. But there is room for both. If I knew when I was 35 that 68 wouldn't be so bad, I'd have gone through life a lot more comfortably. And yes, I do wonder what the inevitable disease processes and all the ills that can accompany the path to older years will be like, but I also know that there's no knowing what'll happen next, and there's no point in excessive worry. Sometimes, believe it or not things turn out better than you expected.
|by Anonymous||reply 29||09/12/2020|
R15, My brother retired last year and (as expected) he filled up my in-box, expecting immediate responses, while I still had to put in my 8 hours. It was very difficult for me to toggle back and forth between my work and personal lives.
Anyway, with retirement, he's taken a greater interest in gardening, bird-watching and cooking, and he enjoys my input, and he loves his power tools, so he's been a huge help to me getting my house and garden in better shape.
We shared a room growing up, and he always looked out for his gay younger brother, and we both enjoy the companionship. He and my ex-BF get along, too, which is a bonus. I think we both appreciate being able to potter around without worrying about getting back to our jobs.
|by Anonymous||reply 30||09/12/2020|
[quote] I had some surgeries, a change of supervisor at work, and lost an important friendship, and I have to say for the first time ever I feel a bit disappointed or, hate to say it, lost.
R9, can you say more about how you lost this friendship? As I get older, I find myself losing friendships as well.
[quote] And having friends move away after they retire was something I didn't expect.
R25, can you say where you live, or the general area? I currently live in an area with a high cost of living. Unexpectedly, a good friend retired, sold his house ($$$), and moved with husband to Florida. Their money goes really far there, I'm sure.
|by Anonymous||reply 31||09/12/2020|
One thing I realized is after a lifetime looking for happy endings I realize life doesn't offer them in the end. For most of us old age is not pretty.
|by Anonymous||reply 32||09/12/2020|
r31 We live in Chicago - and our friends have moved to a wide variety of places. Many have moved back to their hometowns - smaller towns where the cost of living is lower and where they have friends and family connections. Others moved to Florida and Arizona. And Palm Springs is another destination.
|by Anonymous||reply 33||09/12/2020|
Been retired 8 years and just turned 70. Milestone birthdays never meant anything to me, but this one did. Going from my 60s into my 70s leaves me with a very different, and at times, unsettling feeling. A dear friend who made it to 102yo used to say "Why does time go so much more quickly the older we get, it should be the reverse." I kind of get what she was implying, because I DO see the days rolling by faster. Also, I have to look at my phone to see what day it is, a paper calendar is useless except to write down appointments and such.
My husband died 3 years ago, and he was my best friend. It would be easier and certainly more enjoyable if he were still here, as far as the isolation that Covid has visited on me. Can't meet with my stitching buddies or teach my quilt making class, which had been a big part of my social life. We do Zoom, but hardly equivalent.
I'm lucky health wise, just the usual old age aches and pains. I'm not on any prescription drugs. Financially OK, I have simple tastes and needs, but hearing that Social Security might be in jeopardy has given me pause(never dip into capital, right?)
Spend too much time on my computer. Can't remember the last time I watched TV(have been thinking about getting rid of cable service)
I hope, and would like, to be here when Covid has been vanquished(if that is at all possible)
|by Anonymous||reply 34||09/12/2020|
I turned 60 a month ago and I'm fine. I think of my self as the latest of the late bloomers; i really came into my own at around 52. I've been poz since 1994 and luckily it hasn't hindered my life all that much. I've never been hiv-related sick, never went on disability or HASA or anything like that. I'm a worker bee at heart. I'm self employed since I was 46 and probably won't retire anything soon because I never excelled at saving money, a retirement plan or investing, in spite of my older brother's numerous queries in that direction. But i will be fine. True, I'm not as smart as I look, but I'm very very resourceful.
|by Anonymous||reply 35||09/12/2020|
We are 63 and have been together for 32 years. We retired at age 56 and life has never been better. We, up until covid, travelled 3 - 6 months out of the year. We live in a beautiful part of the country and winter in Palm Springs. We are both healthy and active. My biggest fear is losing my wife, she is my best friend and we enjoy each other's company.
|by Anonymous||reply 36||09/12/2020|
Hi, OP. I'm fifty-seven, and there are lots of things I still like!
I am blessed with great health, and am rarely ill, or off my game ever, so that's great. My knees have never twinged with pain, and I don't take any prescriptions on a regular basis. That being said, two years ago I got shingles which erupted on my face endangering my vision in one eye. Luckily my vision problems went away eventually, but I learned the hard way, GET THE SHINGLES VACCINE!
I regret not working at a hotel as a union waiter while I figured out my other careers. I would have earned a pension, instead of working in neighborhood joints, bars, nightclubs and catering, which were not union jobs, offering me nothing but the cash which I grabbed.
I lost a lot of friends and acquaintances during the AIDS epidemic (1981-1997), and it has forever robbed them of their young beautiful lives, but also robbed me of their fellowship when I could use and enjoy it the most, now. My therapist says I have mild PTSD, a sort of survivor's syndrome, which I disagreed with at first, but I know now she is right.
I am a very accepting person because I don't see other options. I feel that acceptance and forgiveness to others including my younger self has really given me a fantastic life. I am grateful for that.
|by Anonymous||reply 37||09/12/2020|
I just turned 40 and love reading this thread. Thanks for your honesty and insights.
Sending you all hugs.
|by Anonymous||reply 38||09/12/2020|
Only 50... And not stealing an arc from Samantha on "Sex and the City," but true [horrific] story: I have recently [italic]lost my orgasm![/italic] NO feeling when I ejaculate; I might as well be peeing. [Actually, there is more sensation when urinating than when I come.]
[bold]HELP![/bold] Is this something inevitable for men our age? PLEASE tell me this is most likely temporary.
I am so afraid and freaked; don't even now what doctor to see first – GP [prostrate problem maybe]? Oncologist [cancer]? Urologist? Psychologist/psychiatrist?
[italic]Any[/italic] insight, friends? Most appreciated.
|by Anonymous||reply 39||09/12/2020|
* KNOW what doctor to see...
|by Anonymous||reply 40||09/12/2020|
R39. I think that's normal.
R26 That's two issues. You have to orgasm within the first 5 to minutes. It's not worth wasting your time if the brain won't get you to orgasm orgasm within the first 5 to minutes. Try again another day.
|by Anonymous||reply 41||09/12/2020|
[italic]NORMAL?!?[/italic], R41? Other gentlemen in your fifties and sixties – PLEASE tell me you beg to DISAGREE...
|by Anonymous||reply 42||09/12/2020|
This thread made me tear up. Wishing you all well.
|by Anonymous||reply 43||09/12/2020|
Orgasms become weaker with age. It's more of a leak than a spurt. But it's still nice when it happens.
|by Anonymous||reply 44||09/12/2020|
An older man I dated when I was young advised me to make sure I had orgasms on a regular basis, and I'm glad I took his advice. They still feel good, not just physically, but psychologically. I've got the whole day ahead, so I don't feel any performance anxiety.
|by Anonymous||reply 45||09/12/2020|
I'll be 55 in December. Death can't come soon enough for me. Life has always been crap and I came to the conclusion long ago it's only going to get crappier as I age.
|by Anonymous||reply 46||09/12/2020|
R46 A neighbour/gay friend of mine was that age when he purchased an air compressor and committed suicide 8 weeks ago.
He cast off his strangling Catholic religion a decade ago. He had a brain tumour removed 2 years ago. But was given a diagnosis of Leukemia ten weeks ago.
|by Anonymous||reply 47||09/12/2020|
Hm. I like this thread. I wish I'd seen something like this when I was a fresher little tulip. It would have made my life a little more hopeful.
Love to you all. X
|by Anonymous||reply 48||09/12/2020|
R44, Weaker and more leak than spurt, fine. That is true. But you [italic]are[/italic] [bold]physically[/bold] [italic]feeling something[/italic ], correct – the actual orgasm ["Big O"] itself? I have no problem with erection, arousal, or ejaculation, but, again, NO SENSATION, NO FEELING when I do ejaculate. This cannot be the way it's meant to be as we age. I refuse to believe Mother Nature is [italic]that[/italic] cruel; men have plenty of other issues to contend with in old age... I am definitely seeking medical advice/help as soon as I figure out what type of physician to consult.
I would love to hear reassurance from others that they continue to experience and feel the wonderful sensation of orgasm at advanced ages.
R46, I am so sorry Please take care.
|by Anonymous||reply 49||09/12/2020|
Messy formatting above @R49. Sorry. [I'm very upset.]
|by Anonymous||reply 50||09/12/2020|
Just turned 55, 10 days ago. I appreciate you all sharing your thoughts.
|by Anonymous||reply 51||09/12/2020|
Mother Nature is cruel.
Biology says sex is merely procreation and meant to further the race.
Females close down their baby-making facilities at age 35. Why should men be indulged for another 20 years?
|by Anonymous||reply 52||09/12/2020|
They can't make babies, of course, but aren't all those cougars in their 40s, 50s, 60s still feeling mind-blowing orgasms during sex, which is why they are cougars in pursuit of young men in the first place?
|by Anonymous||reply 53||09/12/2020|
^Based on what my women friends say, a lot of that is just hype. Women may want to look sexy and desirable, but their sex drive does diminish considerably with age.
To the topic: I realized recently that I'm fast approaching 60. Along with all the bad parts of getting older (loss of looks, reliance on glasses), there are so many good things and I choose to focus on them. I'm more confident, more self-reliant, and more content with my lot than I was in my youth. I'm happy to have had all the fun I had when I was young and wild, but am just as happy to now enjoy a quiet life and my job that I love. My future financial prospects aren't great, but I'm able to deal with that uncertainty without anxiety. And the slight income loss caused by Covid has been more than offset by the great gift of free time to pursue interests that had been long neglected.
|by Anonymous||reply 54||09/13/2020|
I’m almost 57. I didn’t really feel “old” until ~ 53 years old, like I realized I was on the downslope of life. I wasn’t bouncing back from sprains as easily as I once did; I didn’t really care about dressing up. It suddenly (over the course of several months) seemed like life more more burdensome that “challenging.”
|by Anonymous||reply 55||09/13/2020|
Became more burdensome than “challenging.”
|by Anonymous||reply 56||09/13/2020|
I’m 55 and at some point, will contribute my thoughts on life at this age, but right now I just want to say—what a great thread; really enjoying everyone’s stories.
|by Anonymous||reply 57||09/13/2020|
I am 79 and a straight female. Divorced two husbands, and prefer being single. DL is the only site I have found that has intelligent people posting on interesting topics. I have also always had gay male friends. Although my health is not good, I look around 65. Slim, attractive, well coiffed and a fashionista forever. Have a loving family nearby, who come by because I am fun to be around and witty (so I'm told!).
My advice is to do all your traveling prior to age 70. Things went downhill for me after that. I have had Macular degeneration since I was in my mid 50s. Have normal vision in one eye, peripheral in the other. I started to have distorted vision in my "good" eye a year ago, so endured injections in the eyeball to attain normal vision.
In 2015 I fell and broke my right hip and had it repaired with a hip pinning surgery - afterward I spent 2 weeks in a rehab facility for PT. While at home practicing using my cane I slipped and broke my left hip which meant another 20 day stay at rehab facility. I then developed avascular necrosis of the right hip which necessitated a Total Hip Replacement and another 20 day rehab stay. .
I developed Rheumatoid Arthritis at age 78. Biologics and methotrexate have worked to bring me to semi-normalcy. The new normal is not fun, but it is doable. I have no other systemic illnesses, so will be fine! But wait, there's more! 3 month ago I tore a tendon in my triceps (caused by RA weakening of muscles and tendons). Good news is that no surgery was needed.
I have never been depressed and I don't know why. Some people bounce back from adversity and others are just not as resilient. Perhaps the old "what doesn't kill you will make you stronger" adage is accurate. Who knows? My father died at 85 of a heart attack and my mother died at 93 while going under anesthetic for a hip surgery after a fall. She had a touch of Lewy Body dementia. Hope I don't get it, but it is much slower than Alzheimers. Fortunately, I live in a state that allows assisted suicide. I will definitely consider it if I feel it is time to say sayonara.
Smile more and have fun!
|by Anonymous||reply 58||09/13/2020|
r58. I totally agree with your ‘do as much traveling as you can before 70’ advice. If this year has taught us anything it is “don’t delay.” The unexpected always happens. Do things while you can before life changes for the worse.
|by Anonymous||reply 59||09/13/2020|
This thread is great. I am 54 and have to be 55 to get my pension. I am a school librarian so I have until June to join you all in retirement. It can’t come soon enough, especially with this hell year coming up before me. I just want to stay healthy until then. I appreciate what everyone has shared. Thanks.
|by Anonymous||reply 60||09/13/2020|
About to turn 55 and love the mental and financial freedom. As an earlier poster noted, when you’re young you have so many worries about your future.
My only stressor now is deciding whether to keep working (because between earning more than ever and having a nice nest egg that is growing, I can appreciably increase my net worth for every additional year I work) vs giving it up for a more enjoyable existence. And at work, because I can walk away any time, I finally have all the power. A couple times over the past years I’ve secured nice compensation bumps by reminding my bosses of that fact.
I walk rescue dogs for our local animal shelter and look forward to doing that most mornings in retirement, along with seeking out other fulfilling volunteer opportunities. That’s important to figure out before you retire.
My partner is a decade older so holding off until 65 to retire means I could be foregoing some of his best remaining years.
|by Anonymous||reply 61||09/13/2020|
57, and in great health now, probably in better shape than I was in my 30's. That is because I exercise 1-2 hours every day, which I didnt used to do. Have a great partner, have had the last 8 years plus, and a good job. Partner is same age as me, and I will lstay with him the rest of my life, he feels the same why thankfully. Really nothing major to complain of. I do need glasses to read now, at least finer print. Fortunately I can use cheap ones from the supermarket just fine. Financially I am comfortable but not wealthy. Partner and me used to travel 2-3 times a year until the 'rona, so we are saving money, plus I'm mostly working from home which also saves cash and time
I have lost touch with a number of friends to a fair extent, partly due to my toxic ex. Fortunately my new partner has come with a large circle of friends who have become my friends too. I could of retired by now if it wasnt for said toxic ex, getting rid of him cost a small fortune. So I will need to keep working, but I do like my job so that isnt as bad as it could be. I quit drinking completely because of him (he was alcoholic) and this has definitely helped me keep the weight off and likely improved my health. My partner does drink but in moderation, I do all the driving as I love driving and he hates it, so a win-win.
|by Anonymous||reply 62||09/13/2020|
🕺 [italic] I feel pretty, Oh so pretty
I feel pretty, and witty, and gaaaaaaay !
|by Anonymous||reply 63||09/13/2020|
R31, it’s very weird but my friend was a much younger man and unexpectedly decided he was dissatisfied with the scope of our relationship after a few years. It’s ironic because I am in a monogamous long term relationship and so much older/in another part of my life and it never really crossed my mind that I needed to worry about anything like that. After being very close (I was like a mentor to him, he was a little sheltered, inexperienced and shy), he decided to “confront” me in a weird vague way, and when I pointed out, very gently, why things could never be how he wanted them to, he ghosted me! It was so humiliating when it dawned on me that he was ditching me...I have never had that happen before and it really hurt. He was actually the best friend I’d ever had and I enjoyed our friendshio. Just awful.
And yeah, it’s a truism that making real friends is much harder as an adult. I was always pretty good at it but it’s completely different when you are older and not usually too satisfying somehow. 😕
|by Anonymous||reply 64||09/13/2020|
R64 that’s awful.
|by Anonymous||reply 65||09/13/2020|
I turned 60 a few weeks ago. I’m OK considering I was left with two heart conditions thanks to Covid (both are non life threatening). I still move around well enough, thank god. My sex drive is definitely slowing down. On days I wasn’t working I’d often stay up until 3 or 4 am and get up at 10 am but now it’s bed around midnight and wide awake at 8.
|by Anonymous||reply 66||09/13/2020|
I'm 70 and LOVE being retired. One piece of advice: RETIRE AS SOON AS YOU CAN. I mean, the MINUTE you can. What the fuck are you waiting for? You're selling your life to somebody else for money....so if--IF--youi can...DO IT.
Also, I don't think anyone's brought this up, but my 50s were rough, emotionally. Looking back, I think I experienced male menopause, which I don't think I've ever seen discussed on DL. It's not a joke, ladies--it's real. Hormonal changes, body changes....rollercoaster stuff, some of it very intense--I remember crying a lot, things would set me off, there were unexpected triggers.. So, all of you out there, be prepared for this, know about it. It may not happen, but if it does, it's a real thing, and take whatever steps you need to deal with it. Talk to your friends, find the right meds. Do not suffer and "be strong," which is hogwash.
|by Anonymous||reply 67||09/13/2020|
[quote]Looking back, I think I experienced male menopause
I'm 56 and r67 I completely agree. I think I'm going through it now.
|by Anonymous||reply 68||09/13/2020|
I know what you mean r23. I wish I could change my perspective on time. But I can’t. So every passing year is a smaller portion of my total existence.
|by Anonymous||reply 69||09/13/2020|
What advice, if any, would you give those of us in our 40s?
Thanks in advance xo
|by Anonymous||reply 70||09/13/2020|
For those in your 40s: work hard, save money, travel when you can
|by Anonymous||reply 71||09/13/2020|
[quote] I have never been depressed and I don't know why. Some people bounce back from adversity and others are just not as resilient. Perhaps the old "what doesn't kill you will make you stronger" adage is accurate.
My mom, in her 60s, got depressed & suicidal for the first time in her life. She was a strong, tough woman. It can happen.
|by Anonymous||reply 72||09/13/2020|
I finally retired a couple of weeks after turning 68. I didn't keep working because I needed the money. It was because I liked my job and I thought I might become bored and restless without the kind of structure in my life that comes from going to work every day. Now that I've done it, I don't regret having retired one bit. I only regret not having done it sooner. In Thornton Wilder's "Our Town," the character Simon Stimson talks disdainfully about people who "spend and waste time as though they had a million years." I feel that a lot of us do that. To echo what others have already said in this thread, don't put off doing what you'd like to do, whether it's travel or anything else. Time is going by faster than you know.
|by Anonymous||reply 73||09/13/2020|
Aside from being financially secure (but then I’ve always had that) I don’t like one darn thing about it. I am very grateful to be healthy (right now) and having survived. But losing looks, functional ability and therefore activities (still doing most of my favorite things) is not fun. I’m 67 and still skiing, playing tennis and working in a career I enjoy. But it’s all going to trail off soon and the best I can hope for is replacing these things with some more travel if I stay healthy. But essentially it’s all about handling loss- the reward for surviving! And man does it go fast!
|by Anonymous||reply 74||09/13/2020|
r70 1. Don't get sucked into the belief that your job is who you are. Develop outside interests, so that when the day comes that your job disappears you will have something else in life besides work. 2. Save and invest as much as you can, max out your 401(k), buy a private pension. Never get into credit card debt. Buy quality. Pay with cash when at all possible. 3. Find someone compatible to spend your life with -- looks don't last forever, but mutual trust and shared values do. 4. Don't sweat the small stuff (and almost all of it is small stuff) 5. Be kind - it takes far less energy than being an asshole. 6. Don't smoke, drink less, eat less, exercise more. 7. Don't be fooled in to thinking that the good times will never end and life as you know it will go on forever. Shit happens and you have no control over a lot of life.
|by Anonymous||reply 75||09/13/2020|
I'm 55 and I gotta say the one thing I've noticed is I get attention from lots of young guys. It's bizarre.
|by Anonymous||reply 76||09/13/2020|
Seems like a lot of people bailed on friends because they were high maintenance. From what I’ve seen of older people in my life, it’s very important to maintain and build friend networks in old age. So easy to discard - but invaluable in old age from what I see. It takes work to maintain friendships - and an acceptance of others imperfections and our own. I’m working consciously to maintain and enhance the friendship circle - as it may be all we have as we age and lose the ones we have chosen.
|by Anonymous||reply 77||09/13/2020|
[quote] buy a private pension.
I would strongly argue against buying an annuity unless it is a SPIA from Vanguard and you understand it completely. Annuities have a high sales commission which is why they are pushed so heavily.
Max out the 401k and Roth and tuck some away in a taxable account with Fidelity, Charles Schwab or Vanguard. Put some effort into understanding the basics of investing so you don't have to rely on a financial "advisor". If you want someone to check over your investments, hire one who charges by the hour or a flat fee. Stay away from AUM accounts, they will rob you blind.
This is a good place to learn about low cost index fund investing.
|by Anonymous||reply 78||09/13/2020|
I’m 62 next week. Partnered for 19 years... happily married for 5 now. In great health... I look forward to retirement next year.. life is good..even with the pandemic....
|by Anonymous||reply 79||09/13/2020|
I just turned 65 on the 10th...feels no different than when i was 30. Im in good health, go to the gym at least 5 days a week and still look terrific..we are NOT your parents eldergays
|by Anonymous||reply 80||09/13/2020|
This is another excellent website with a general focus on retiring early. You must be polite on this website or you will be banned.
|by Anonymous||reply 81||09/13/2020|
I'm 63 and having to reinvent myself as marriage is ending and moved back in with 95 yr old mother. I guess not much to reinvert, huh? I do menu planning and errand running and basically have an easy life in this "leafy suburb" of hers. I'm financially secure and will probably inherit a sum to add to that security but lack of interest in many things/folks i used to have. I'm ok with a simple life, now.
|by Anonymous||reply 82||09/13/2020|
r92, your Mom is lucky to have you. Best of luck.
|by Anonymous||reply 83||09/13/2020|
thanks R83 its going much better than i thought.
|by Anonymous||reply 84||09/13/2020|
[quote] I'm 63 and having to reinvent myself as marriage is ending and moved back in with 95 yr old mother. I guess not much to reinvert, huh? I do menu planning and errand running and basically have an easy life in this "leafy suburb" of hers. I'm financially secure and will probably inherit a sum to add to that security but lack of interest in many things/folks i used to have. I'm ok with a simple life, now.
Good luck, R82. Sorry about your marriage ending. You're still young enough to have a next phase. I, also, lived with my mother during her final year(s) of life. I felt kind of embarrassed about it. But, after she died, one day, at work, I overheard a coworker (who lived with her elderly dad) on the phone. It was a simple conversation about what coworker's Dad wanted to eat for dinner. I had tears in my eyes and regretted ever feeling embarrassed about living with my mom.
|by Anonymous||reply 85||09/13/2020|
I love what R81 said, 'You must be polite on this website or you will be banned.' I write on other websites as if I were on DL and it is not a good idea. Though I'll probably continue to do it.
I recently lost a good friend of many decades and many other friends as well when I got fed up with his casually mocking cruelty. He had been going through much in life dealing with depression, the loss of a beloved beautiful sister, estrangement from his brothers due to his being gay, and encroaching cancer from his throat to his ear and possibly further. I tried to be as supportive as possible but he mocked me often on group emails with many people and I told him repeatedly to stop because it made me feel so bad. He did not care and kept doing it so I told him in no uncertain terms so that there was no repairing our friendship what I thought of him. This did not only estrange him but a whole group of people who I liked and I think liked me. And I knew it would happen. I tell you all of this because I'm in my sixties and will not have such a group of friends again in my life but it was worth it not to have the constant humiliation. I remain friends with one of them who is one of the most loving generous people I have ever met in my life so I'm very grateful for that. I am lonely but what can one do about it? Better to cut cruel people out your life giving up so much in the process than to keep them in it.
I used to often recede into revival movie houses and the arts at Lincoln Center. That is now far in the past and I appreciate enormously the advancements in home entertainment. Do I like that this will be the rest of my life? No, but it's not like I have much of a choice. Hobbies don't interest me. Golf? Scrabble? Socialize in a religious setting?....no. Traveling has become so miserable I no longer have the patience for it. And towns no matter how beautiful are lonely when you know no one. I love not working. Having to meet deadlines every day feeling so many people want/need a part of you was soul killing and free time was just used to recover. I wish I could have lived this way when I was young. Be like James Merrill and have fabulous sums of money to travel and pursue a creative outlet with no pressure for making enough money to live and to be able to do as much as possible simply out of love for the creative process and to give to others as a philanthropist to those whose work you admire. For now I have my health and am ambulatory and I can appreciate that. Who knows for how long? I won't think about it.
|by Anonymous||reply 86||09/13/2020|
63. Slimmer than I was. At the top of my game at work. Financially secure, which makes a difference. Clearer about what I want in life. Sexually, not as lustful but enjoying my orgasms. Not as consistently hard, but not presenting a problem. Don't do anal anymore.
|by Anonymous||reply 87||09/13/2020|
Gore Vidal once wrote that by the time he was 40 all the main characters in were in his life and he didn't add new ones. That has been my experience too. With the exception of a husband i have not meet any new people in years. When I was younger the men I slept with became my friends. Now that I no longer fuck around that avenue is closed. Does anyone else find it harder to make new friends as you get older?
|by Anonymous||reply 88||09/13/2020|
Yes, it's harder to make friends when you're older. And when I say "older," that starts at around 35.
|by Anonymous||reply 89||09/13/2020|
[quote]Yes, it's harder to make friends when you're older. And when I say "older," that starts at around 35.
I moved into a city with my wife after living 40 miles out of town at age 55. I joined a meetup group for hiking and backpacking, joined a gym and got to know some of my neighbors.. We have more people to do things with now than we have since living in Boston 30 years ago.
I think you have to be healthy enough to put yourself out there and you have to be upbeat and caring of other people. Then friendships will form.
Being depressed, being sick or not being ambulatory is a problem. Otherwise, the world is your oyster.
|by Anonymous||reply 90||09/13/2020|
59 here. I was let go from my marketing job when I hit 55; the boss told me that she wanted fresh ideas, but really wanted to get someone for 40K less than I was making to justify a 40K raise for herself. I investigated things with HR, but was told that they had no interest in pursuing age discrimination issues.
I found it impossible to get a job in my field (even a low level job). I took a job as a bartender at a brewery and as a driver for a tour bus. When COVID meant the end of those jobs, I'm now stocking in a grocery store. I'm making 1/3 of what I was making 5 years ago, but do have health insurance.
Under present regs, I can get Social Security at 67 and Medicare at 65. Biden's proposal of lowering the Medicare age to 60 is damned appealing right now.
|by Anonymous||reply 91||09/13/2020|
In my 60s, straight women started noticing me, even coming on to me. I think this happens frequently. Being obviously gay adds to your allure....For many women, husband no. 1 was a mistake; with husband no. 2 they had the kids and, with luck, were left well off when he divorced them or died from overwork; now they're ready for no. 3 and want to have FUN and couldn't care less about sex....If I wanted to play my cards right (that is, have a "white marriage" with a nice rich woman), I could, except it doesn't appeal to me....But if you're at all presentable and unattached, you'll be noticed. A LOT. This isn't good or bad; it just happens. (Sadly, I do not seem to garner attention from younger guys, like R76. But so what? That's the way it is for me.)
|by Anonymous||reply 92||09/13/2020|
I’m 60 and have recently realized that I’ve isolated myself by cutting out a Trumpster. Not because of his policies, per se, but because he was a racist, opinionated, alcoholic, abusive jackass, who yelled about things he saw on FOX. Unfortunately, he’s married to my sister, which has strained our relationship. She’s a good person at heart but he’s really been a bad influence on her. I was hoping I could outlast Trump’s social and familial influence, but it didn’t work out that way.
Other friends and family have a died; and now there’s this COVID thing. My 50s were pretty good, but I’ve been unhappy lately.
I wish I had advice to give but I don’t.
|by Anonymous||reply 93||09/13/2020|
Speaking for myself, R93, if the only person standing between me and isolation were a racist, abusive jackass Trumpster, I would choose isolation without a moment's hesitation.
|by Anonymous||reply 94||09/13/2020|
R75 - thank you.
And thank you everyone for sharing your experiences.
|by Anonymous||reply 95||09/13/2020|
[quote] I’m 60 and have recently realized that I’ve isolated myself by cutting out a Trumpster. Not because of his policies, per se, but because he was a racist, opinionated, alcoholic, abusive jackass, who yelled about things he saw on FOX. Unfortunately, he’s married to my sister, which has strained our relationship.
ITA, R94. R93, don't blame yourself. There's only so much a person can take. My sister was married to an asshole and it alienated me from both of them.
|by Anonymous||reply 96||09/13/2020|
Thanks R94 & R96. I miss the person my sister used to be, before her husband and she became emboldened by this shameless Fascism that is popularized and/or celebrated by Trump and Fox.
|by Anonymous||reply 97||09/13/2020|
[quote]shameless Fascism that is popularized and/or celebrated by Trump and Fox.
Is this what this thread is going to be about now?
|by Anonymous||reply 98||09/13/2020|
R93 and R96, I was actually speaking from experience. My sister is also married to a loudmouth, obnoxious Trumpster. We live about 500 miles apart, so it isn't difficult for me to avoid them. I did see them last Christmas. With the pandemic, I have an excuse for not seeing them this Christmas. Whenever I've been at their house, Fox News is blasting from the television seemingly 24 hours a day. I regret that my sister and I are no longer close, but as R96 said, there's only so much a person can take.
|by Anonymous||reply 99||09/13/2020|
"If you can't be young and hot, the next best thing is to be middle-aged and rich."
|by Anonymous||reply 100||09/14/2020|
R86, if that circle of friends tolerated your former friend insulting and humiliating you in their presence, you are well rid of them.
|by Anonymous||reply 101||09/14/2020|
I will add to the caution of time passing so fast. I'm 66, and when I was young I felt my life stretched out limitlessly before me, that I had all the time in the world to do things. I often thought of what I would do when I was "older"...travel, possibly move to another part of the country, do this, do that.
Now that I am older, married at 59 and subsequently retired, I realize that so many of those dreams and desires will remain unfulfilled. My health is good but there is some arthritis, which affects mobility a bit. Actually, early this year I decided that I would start to travel a little, with a relative (my spouse has no interest). Now, who know if I will be able to, once travel is possible.
So many things that I could have done but didn't, and now I never will. I feel like I foreclosed a lot of my life and there is no changing it now. Do what you want when you can. You never know when it will come to a screeching halt. 2020 should be a lesson to all of us.
|by Anonymous||reply 102||09/14/2020|
[quote]For those in your 40s: work hard, save money, travel when you can
Plus one on the travel suggestion.
I don't inherently like traveling. I would prefer being able to blink myself places, a la Samantha Stevens. Long story short, I put it off for many years, assuming it would something I'd do when I got older. Now—I'm in my late 60s (a nice temperature, decade or neighborhood, but as an age, not so much)—I don't want to travel because of my host of physical ailments which make it difficult, maybe impossible.
So, travel now, while you still can. You may not always be able to.
|by Anonymous||reply 103||09/14/2020|
For those who got married later - any advice? On what you found important, what made it work, etc?
|by Anonymous||reply 104||09/14/2020|
Same as r1. Don't like being alone and never to be romantically involved again, at over seventy.
|by Anonymous||reply 105||09/14/2020|
I don't ejaculate 1/3 of the time I have sex, and my dick feels like the dentist shot it full of Novocaine. Before I die, I would like one more orgasm that feels like it did 30 years ago.
|by Anonymous||reply 106||09/14/2020|
I've heard marijuana can get you feeling sexy when things have been a little "dry".
|by Anonymous||reply 107||09/14/2020|
At the age of 57 1/2, I am doing just fine for someone with minimal aches and pains. I don't walk as much as I used to because lengthy walking and hikes (which I love) create pain in my ankles and make me out of breath, especially if I am talking on the phone. But I realized a long time ago, happiness is what you make of it, and I find happiness in the hobbies I've created, the small group of friends I still get with once a week for outdoor dining and cocktails.
I don't find the need to change, but I willingly make alterations as I need to. I prefer to remember the good times even though I've had a lot of loss in my life through friends and lovers who died either by their own hand or through other causes beyond their control. I choose to continue to live in memory of them because many of them wanted to live but destiny took that away from them. Even with Covid, I'm going into my office, doing my best to help friends keep their spirits up, and continuing to laugh in spite of the tragedy around us. I've never had to go to the doctor outside minor ailments, and I eat what I want within reason when I want. It helps to have a spirituality because that strength of a personal relationship with God does see me through the most confusing of times.
|by Anonymous||reply 108||09/14/2020|
I'm 50 and my partner 52, Q. for those of you in your late 60s/70s: Are your retirement finances holding up as you planned? Do you think you'll have enough to last another 10-20 years? Did you stop working voluntarily or are you working until you can't anymore or you get laid off?
Thanks! While we are saving and still working I live with the fear we don't have nearly enough stashed away. We'd love to stop working at 65 at the LATEST. If Joe Biden reduces the Medicare access age to 60 we would consider retiring then.
|by Anonymous||reply 109||09/14/2020|
R109 - I had the same worries. Not retired yet - but the one thing that is dramatically different as I get closer to retirement age is my spending. I spend 1/2 what I did in late 40s on restaurants and bars and luxuries. Getting out of NYC and living a more domestic life made a huge difference - but also just a change in interests to wanting to stay at home, cook and not go to bars and restaurants or buy unnecessary things.
I also second a lot of the comments here to not put off things until you retire. Travel now. Enjoy life now. While you have health - and the interest. Worry less about retirement - and don’t believe the fear-mongering investment advisors who insist you have millions saved before you can feel secure. From what I’ve seen, you are more likely to die before you use it than to outlive it.
|by Anonymous||reply 110||09/14/2020|
|by Anonymous||reply 111||09/14/2020|
R109/R110, glad to see this as a topic of discussion. 59 here and just very recently retired. Planned on working another two and a half years, but just couldn't deal with the morons at work any more and decided the money just wasn't worth it. I live in a low cost area of the country and my house is paid off and I have saved/invested what I think of as a lot of money. My financial advisor tells me I will be fine, but since I grew up in a rural, lower middle-income at best, family, I still worry about running out of money. I'm also interested in hearing from people who have been retired now for a while and how your money is holding up.
|by Anonymous||reply 112||09/14/2020|
I'm 66 and hope to make it to 67. A big regret is that I didn't travel Internationally more when I was younger. Places I want to visit may be off limits even if we have a good vaccine for Covid -19. As I age I notice it takes me longer to get over colds and viruses. My balance isn't as good as it was even at age 60 though thank god no falls yet. My closest friend is in another state. I'm not sure if I need more friends or just some acquaintances that would notice if I didn't show up somewhere. Thanks to Covid I suspended my volunteer activities. I have some chronic illness but maintain the health I have by healthy eating and daily exercise.
|by Anonymous||reply 113||09/14/2020|
[quote]I'm 50 and my partner 52, Q. for those of you in your late 60s/70s: Are your retirement finances holding up as you planned? Do you think you'll have enough to last another 10-20 years?
Barring a total collapse of the economy, my retirement finances will outlive me. I waited until I was 68 to retire, which I now regret. I wish I had retired at 65, when I could get around with fewer aches and pains. I was always conscientious about saving for retirement, and I also inherited some money, but part of the reason I didn't retire sooner was that I figured I should make sure I would have ample retirement resources. Don't make that mistake if you can avoid it. I realize, of course, that many people have no choice but to continue working.
|by Anonymous||reply 114||09/14/2020|
r112 Been retired 8 years and the bank account is holding up well. I have not taken SS yet, I am letting it accrue to the max before I sign on for it, which I believe I have to next March when I'll be 70 and 1/2yo.
My own pension plus what I get from my late husband's has been enough for fixed expenses, and occasional splurges. Investment portfolio is sacrosanct and not to be dipped into, we always operated that way and that philosophy served us well.
I feel that most people make out better than they would've thought while they were still employed. You just naturally become a bit more financially conservative, and being in a lower tax bracket certainly helps. You will find that previous must-haves have morphed into rarely-needed or been eliminated completely.
Do your homework, try to plan for any conceivable contingency to the best of your ability. When I see former co-workers they ask me a lot of questions, and the first thing I tell them is: Get yourself a legal pad and pen, and start writing down EVERYTHING you can think of that might have a bearing on your post-employment life. It's just not possible to keep everything in your brain. Once it's written down, you cannot forget or ignore it. Refer to this list often as you think of other things to add, and as you cross off situations that you've resolved to your satisfaction. DO. NOT. LEAVE. ANYTHING. TO. CHANCE.
Ask friends, acquaintances, family etc. for insight, you might learn some valuable things, and if not, it's still food for thought. Some decisions you'll be making will be irreversible, so it pays to have all pertinent information before you when you sign those dotted lines. I wish you all the best.
|by Anonymous||reply 115||09/14/2020|
[quote] R199: I'm 50 and my partner 52, Q. for those of you in your late 60s/70s: Are your retirement finances holding up as you planned?
I retired when I was 50, 10 years ago, and my finanances are holding up just fine; however, I looked at the history of the economy and stock market. We have had financial shocks on a regular basis, looking back at history, Remember the crash of Oct 19, 1987? The stock market indexes fell 20%-40% in a single day. Junk bonds; the Savings and Loan bank crisis is almost forgotten. The dot-com crash on 2000ish. The housing crash of 2008, of course. Now the pandemic which isn’t done with us, yet. Their are lots of examples of reversals. My point being, it’s a crap shot. I just hope I outlive my savings
Yes, the market always seems to recover, but if you need money when things are down, it’s a problem. I knew a guy who was ruined in the. housing crash because he was flipping houses in Florida, and lost what was practically a game of musical chairs.
|by Anonymous||reply 116||09/14/2020|
I meant to respond in r116, to R109, not r199! Oops!
|by Anonymous||reply 117||09/14/2020|
I'm a few years away.
I find myself mourning for things and people lost, and some of the changes in the US and the world.
But I had a similar period of adjustment at 30, so I am hoping it's just a little adjustment malaise.
|by Anonymous||reply 118||09/14/2020|
Advice to those contemplating retirement: if you don’t have a financial adviser, see a financial planner and ensure they run your long-term projections through a range of scenarios, including some that are pretty dire. Don’t just count on your portfolio appreciating by four or five percent every year. And realize that bad years for the market tend to come in extended periods, so you could be facing a number of consecutive years in which your returns are lower than planned, even if it all averages out over decades,
They say the biggest risk to a retirement plan is a financial downturn in the early years of your retirement, as you will be forced to draw down on your capital.
(My partner actually has ten years worth of expenses sitting in cash.)
Otherwise, it will end in tears.
|by Anonymous||reply 119||09/14/2020|
r119, make sure your financial planner is paid by the hour or a flat fee instead of an ongoing expense.
|by Anonymous||reply 120||09/14/2020|
How do you find and choose the right financial planner?
|by Anonymous||reply 121||09/14/2020|
[quote] R121: How do you find and choose the right financial planner?
This has been what has been my problem (ok, among many others). I’d get an advisor, but don’t know one, or how to do so.
Maybe you ask successful friends who they use?
|by Anonymous||reply 122||09/14/2020|
I retired 5 years ago, paid off the condo and car so I had no big financial obligations my partner and I have traveled but not this year. I don't have a lot of money, my accountant said I'm comfortable, no money worries. Health is good the only prescription drug I take is a low dose Atorvastatin I have friends taking up to 13 drugs per day so I consider myself lucky. I hope I can continue like this for many more years. Like others friends have died or moved away so my circle of friends has gotten smaller and yes it is tough to make new friends. My sisters and brother are older so we get together a few times a m month for lunch we enjoy each others company more now that we are all retired. Life is good for now.
|by Anonymous||reply 123||09/14/2020|
R115, Your SS will be at its max the month you turn 70. Zero point to waiting (are you confusing it with the "70 1/2 to start taking your Required Distribution from your IRA?).
|by Anonymous||reply 124||09/14/2020|
I’m 56 and I just bought what I hope is my last car.
2019 Smart car. My other car is a 2015 Nissan Altima.
I only drive the Smart car to work. I’ll be putting about 3000 miles a year on it.
Hopefully the two cars will last the rest of my life.
I smoked for 17 years and the last four years I smoked four packs a day. I’ll gladly take whatever time I have left but I don’t expect to live to see 80.
|by Anonymous||reply 125||09/14/2020|
[quote]How do you find and choose the right financial planner?
There's an old saying, by the time you know if your financial advisor is good, you know enough to do your own investing. I took a night class through a local community college and read the boglehead forums and learned enough to manage my own investments using a few index funds. Set it and forget it.
|by Anonymous||reply 126||Last Tuesday at 10:22 PM|
[quote]How do you find and choose the right financial planner?
Substitute "lawyer" for "financial planner" and this sounds like a late-night ad on one of the mesothelioma channels.
|by Anonymous||reply 127||Last Wednesday at 9:10 AM|
I used to invest my sister’s money, for 8 years, but her husband, who never misses an opportunity to lose money on a sure thing, has taken over after I quit.
I had just spent three or four years or so, slowly moving his kid’s college money out of a high-fee investment account, designed for Virginians (they’re in CT), and doing so in a way that avoided withdrawal fees (back end fees). Their previous financial advisor put their money there, probably because he got the best commission that way, because it made no sense.
Then, they became enamored with some huckster who wanted to manage their investments for [bold] no fee. [/bold] I couldn’t convince them that there [italic] had [/italic] to be a fee. [italic] “The guy’s got to feed his family.” [/italic] Meanwhile, I wasn’t charging them a fee.
Finally I told them, well, if you really like the guy, give him $2500 and see how that works out. One day, I found his kid’s account emptied out. I was worried if it was stolen at first. No, he gave this advisor $45,000, his entire college savings. It was not as bad as it could have been. He could have stolen it all. He took the money and put it in a legitimate high-fee account for the state of CT, with high back end fees.
So, of course there were fees.
Meanwhile, I made them 53% over the three previous years, while managing their risk.
|by Anonymous||reply 128||Last Friday at 7:55 AM|
The hardest part about the age frame is living long enough to get on Medicare.
Two years to go.
|by Anonymous||reply 129||Last Friday at 8:25 AM|
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