What's My Datalounge Line?

Have you ever appeared at a LEGITIMATE male porn theater?

Are you hung bigger than a bread box?

"Is your fame the result of a brokened cheeseburger?"

Do you carry a snack box to work?

Do you own an eatery with a salad bar?

Have you ever had sex with your brother?

Are you perennially age 35?

Have you ever had sufficient?

Have you ever had a daughter who was the victim of an unsolved murder?

Are you hung like a baguette, a cannoli, or a chicken tender?

Is that foul odor coming from your pussy?

Do you own a vagina cape?

Did you buy a zoo?

Have you ever sat across from, slept with, or heard gossip about a celebrity?

Are you related to anyone in show business you've had sex with?

Are you a goddamned boomer?

Have you obsessively cataloged the music played at any retail establishments?

And yet another format for airing the cliches.

Were you or a family member ever victimized by a foreign faction?

Are you a Russian troll?

Are you now or about to be presenting hole on Broadway?

Does anyone really present hole on Broadway anymore?

In your opinion, why are straight me so stupid?

[quote] Does anyone really present hole on Broadway anymore?

Broadway doesn’t go for hole or booze.

Is there more than one of you?

Are you now or have you ever been on assistance?

Are you Julianne Moore, seriously?

Are you known primarily for your pointless bitchery?

Judging from that reception, am I correct in assuming you're a beautiful lady?

Did I bump into you at a casino in San Juan in 1964?

Are you 58 but look 25?

Have you stated your boundaries NOW or will you be stating them THEN?

Have you ever been accused of sitting on the ledge outside someone's window?

Do you like to wear a caftan ?

Do you like blue?

Do you have an Instagram account? Would you describe yourself as an insta-whore?

Have you been raped?

Are you a shelter cat? Are you, by any chance, Jaclyn Smith’s first cat?

Have you recently arrived in town with just a suitcase and nowhere to stay?

Do you have a father who is, apparently, the only man ever to serve in the armed forces, be a pow, or recently die?

Does your next-door neighbor have a hot 18-year-old son who likes to spend time with you?

Are you a member of the Trump family and/or have you had in excess of twenty plastic procedures?

Are you Defacto, the worthless bump bitch everyone wishes would go away, or at least die?

Were you orphaned in Darfur?

Did you ever meet Olivia De Havilland?

Are you most celebrated for your trademark blue trousers?

Have you ever had a romantic liaison on a cruise ship with a dwarf?

Have you ever pooped in the Bellagio ?

Have you ever had a primary residence in Boulder, Colorado?

Are the blindfolds in place panel? AND your masks?

Are you a slut, dummy, sarcastic substitite teacher or her elderly mother residing Miami Beach, Florida?

Did you star in the movie musical, Mame?

Did Gary talk you out of doing something?

Do you take your baked potatoes fully loaded?

How many times have you been treated for a prolapsed asshole?

Have you ever been molested by any costumed Disney characters?

have you ever served non event toast?

Have you ever done jackhammers or whirlybirds in an instructional capacity?

How often does your hot nephew spend the weekend?

Mystery guest, are you currently anchor of ABC World News Tonight?

Does your work on "True Blood" keep you from accepting other roles?

Have you ever smacked a child with an excrement filled bra?

Have you ever threatened to shit in a costars wig?

Do you regularly engage in the online harassment of a fellow Oscar nominee who holds a record seven losses?

Have you ever had anal intercourse with a regular member of our panel other than myself?

Does your instant coffee have FLAVVAH?

Did your wedding feature a cash bar?

Have you ever not been 25 years old?

Did you have sex with Jani Lane?

Does your nickname rhyme with a part of the anatomy that you can't seem to stop bothering with traffic cones while you wear makeup inappropriate for your advanced age?

Are you Miss Warwick?

(Thunderous applause.)

Do you or have you ever dialed a phone with a pencil?

Have you ever bankrupted a state fair?

Didn't you used to be Madonna?

Do you ping from outer space?

Do you have your own talk show and highly recommend patent medicines for ED?

Have you been gay for quite some time? Are you an Eldergay?

When you hear the name Janet Jackson, are you able to keep your hands off the keyboard?

Is your name likely to be found in the Adult Services section of the newspaper?

Have you ever sold or acquired a used text book?

Would you say that your career has gone straight down the shitter?

Have you had Lisa Whelchel’s ex-husband?

Do you work for one of the major porn studios?

Do you keep bricks, dumbbells, or other heavy objects near windows?

Are you a D-list, social climbing actress who pulled the wool over a dumb ginger’s eyes?

Mystery guest, would you please name your top childhood TV crushes?

Were you, or have you ever been, a member of the communist party?

Have you ever strained pasta?

If I had a two-story house, would I have had you in the kitchen?

OK, John ... I'm ready to guess -- are you the man who invented the margarine fountain?

Mystery guest, have you ever eaten spotted dick?

Do you have an abundance of moles on your scrotum that you call your ladybugs 🐞?

Do you talk and squeal like Mickey Mouse while having sex?

Have you ever been fucked by a US Marine?

Mystery guest, were you born in a trunk?

Has anyone ever accused you of typing fat?

Do tricks expect you to provide a towel and turkey meatballs?

Did you ever pee pee on DJT?

Mystery guest, have you ever witnessed the homosex go up into the man?

Have you ever had to extinguish a grease fire?

Do you like cak and graxy?

Do you work for a profit-making pron company?

Are you a member of the Ickson family?

Mystery Guest, are you now or have you ever been uncut?

John, could we have a minute for a conference? Bennett needs to adjust himself.

Mystery guest, have you ever been called upon to defend the talents of Miss Deanna Durbin from attacks by a hungry pack of Judy Garland fans?

Did you sign in by printing your name in all capital letters, or did you actually learn cursive writing in school?

This evening, we're going to dispense with the walk in front of the panel followed by free guesses. Instead, I'm going to ask our guest to present hole and see what our panel can make of that. Let's begin with Arlene.

Has your ever wondered if your lesbian girlfriend is possibly possessed by a demon?

Were you ever a Republican congressman with a Downton Abbey fetish?

What was PE class like for you?

Did your life change much after "Basic Instinct"?

Have you ever eaten at the Olive Garden?

Do you smoke copious amounts of pot, silly?

Did you ever know someone who was asked a question on DL - and then they died?

Have you ever described Elizabeth Chambers as "gristle clinging to bone powder"?

Do you present hole at parties while doing your impression of Lucy in Mame?

Is your husband an ABC news correspondent who likes to play connect-the-dots with your moles?

Were you ever a new girl in town?

I think I've got this one. Mystery guest... Do you hate to exercise but love to tap?

Did you know our late panelist who was assassinated by the CIA?

"John, if I may ... Is our Mystery Guest capable of charming the crabs on Fisherman's Wharf right out of their shells?"

Are you currently the same sex you were born with?

Do you have yellow skin and/or a womanly backside?

"Are you Joan Steffend?"

Do you do lines of coke with the guests on your show prior to going on air?

Are you a good person? A positive person?

Have you ever said the line, "where's the son you've ever given him?"

Have you ever thrown a salad?

Is there a little someone named Mitzi in your life?

Does the service you perform require you to touch people in any way?

Are you disgraced former Congressman Aaron Schock?

The odd phrasing I’m hearing intrigues me. Mystery Guest, do you work at a foreign based troll farm?

Seated to my left is the legendary and much beloved star of stage and screen, Miss Helen Lawson.

OP, I love this thread. Laughing/crying at the DL responses.

Do you smoke on the roof of your house?

Are you known for leaving expletive-filled messages on your former husband’s answering machine? Did you eventually shoot your ex and his new wife in their bed?

Do you currently or have you ever been known to clean rooms for a living at the Bellagio in Las Vegas?

Are you known primarily for your work in the pron industry?

Do you express gratitude by saying, “Fank you”.?

Do you have more than frozen turkey meatballs in your kitchen?

Are you a great big fat person?

Will you be seen in the new remake of REBECCA by the three people who watch it?

May I take a guess? Are you Vivian Vance?

Are you Julianne Moore? Seriously?

Are you on assistance?

Do you loathe Shitty Little Anne?

Do you still wear at hat?

Was that hiss a yes or a no?

Do you routinely stop what you are doing just to think about Timothee Chalamet?

Do you repeat questions asked earlier because you are too self absorbed to read an entire thread?

Would we recognize your Gayface without our blindfolds?

Are you very very tall, and are you an insatiable bottom?

Was that a Prada Bag that just dropped out of your mouth?

Do you share a name with a brand of baking soda?

Does your pussy stink?

Have you ever told a complete stranger to “move it along, Toots?”

How do you feel about wire hangers?

R158 Yes or no question only. It's "What's My Line?" not the Merv Griffin Show.

Ok. Let me rephrase the question if I may.

Do wire hangers disturb you in any way?

Is this your first time at the rodeo?

Were you ever let go by Metro?

Would you be interested in hiring a little homosexual boy?

Do I smell Helenesque?

Are you hiding a 9" dingle-dangle under your house dress?

Have you ever had a surgical procedure that has produced 3 or more inches of medical waste?

Is your product something that runs on batteries and would be found in the boudoir?

Are you a good witch?

Mystery Guest, is Helenesque dog repellent named after you?

What are your drag, soap opera character or porn star names?

^^ fuck you. Yes or no!

are you a raging bitch?

R170 Yours is "Idiot"

R170 - are you easily confused by simple instructions?

Did you ever have to go to the emergency room because, while hanging drapes, you somehow fell directly onto a potato and it got wedged inside your pink starfish?

Might I have run into you at '21' in the company of some Blatino cagemeat?

Have you ever tasted Sissy's pizza bread?

Have you ever asked David to hold you?

Do you have an illogical underestimation of the talents of the fabulous Miss Linda Lavin?

Do you have tasteful friends?

Do you often suffer charley horse while doing whirlybirds?

Fred: I think Dorothy just whispered for me to ask if it is bigger than a breadstick? I don't know what that means. I'm not Continental. But if you know what that means, Mystery Guest, is "it"?

Guest: NO. (Audience hoots.)

John: Audience, your innuendo is showing. Please, no untoward ejaculations suggestive of tabloid readership. Twenty dollars. Arlene.

Arlene: In that case, does "it" gape wider that a breadbox?

Guest: Well....

John: We'll take that as a yes.

Arlene: Are you.... Well, we know you are, but it your name....

Bennett, drooling with anticipation at another win: Are by any chance the fraternal twin brother of the blatino husbear of last night's Mystery Guest who has been famously photographed comparing the size of his male appendage to the top nine inches of an adjacent Louisville Slugger?

Guest Panelist Martin Gabel, as Arlene beams at her husband: Are you known for proclaiming aptly but irrelevantly that your feline reeks with an odiferous unpleasantness?

Did you triple Rhett Butler's exit curse word in a moment of unconvincingly inept grief?

Dorothy: If I were to rummage through your wardrobe closet, heaven forbid, would I be surprised to find a metal device suspending a blouse with mightily padded shoulders?

Would Mimi refuse to admit she knows you on national television?

Are the only nuts ever to be exposed on your premises to be found in a loaf?

Are you known for your many nephews who bear no family resemblance to you, but who turn to you for advice and sports massages on sleepovers?

Have you ever portrayed the agony of chronic fatigue syndrome on a very special episode of a sitcom?

Do you whine about never having been to you?

Are you, indeed, smelling cookies at this moment?

Have you ever announced in a gleaming pants suit your intention to plant a sapling and tend to it yourself?

In your estimation, do squirrels equal death?

Are you now known as "the other Ladybird"?

Do you hate to exercise--but love to tap?

Have you ever been treated inappropriately by a costumed Disney character on a cruise ship?

Have you ever committed financial rape with a fully loaded baked potato?

"Might I have eaten at your Hamptons home while Jeffrey was 'away' as he so often seems to be?"

Did you ever remark on the grayness of cats in the dark while licking reheated lasagna from a spatula?

Have you named thirty-seven of your cats "Bootsie Gumdrop"?

Are you the cunt known as Clare Booth Luce?

Guest Panelist Steve Allen: Is the tip of one of the candles in the candelabra on your piano unfailingly brown?

"Since we've established your music is more likely to be found on a jukebox than in a concert hall, is it possible that you're known for thrilling the teen set by singing about your wet-ass pussy?"

Have you ever worked with Faye Dunaway?

Have you ever finger banged Suzanne Somers in a hot tub?

Are you a sous chef and if so what variety of butch would you be?

Would you ever deign to wear blue-jeans on the subway?

Have you been named in a story by Bonnie Mace?

Is "Let's Roll" part of a slogan for your company?

Have you ever been approached by someone asking if they can help you in your time of need only to be asked to give up your stuff?

R207, yes and no are the only allowable responses. Please. - John

Do you like blue?

Were you once recognizably human?

Were you ever in the semifinals of a 'ping-pong' tournament?

Are you now, or have you ever been, a Kardashian?

So now that we've established that while you have trod the boards of the legitimate New York stage and that you've graced the silver screen--though not at the present moment--and that you are no stranger to the Copacabana, I know that Arlene is to ladylike to inquire, but may we know if you are an enthusiastic top or a messy bottom?

Have you ever seen Franchot Tone's penis up close?

So, you provide a service and you work for a profit-making enterprise. Bennett learned that you charge your fees on an hourly basis. Do people come to you for your service? Or do you go to them? And does it cost more when you go to them?

"Is our Mystery Guest more than one person?"

Audience struggles not to laugh at Mystery Guest Roxane Gay.

Do you know how to make Pancakes Barbara?

[quote] Do you hate to exercise--but love to tap?

Are you the sort of person who doesn't bother to read the posts before lumbering towards the exit to vomit up leftovers?

Mr. Daley, I have a question. In the past we have asked about our guests' gender in strictly binary terms, but nowadays I feel like I am on shaky ground when I ask, "May I assume then that you are a woman?" Is it okay to ask if our guest has a skin flute or a hairy donut?

Can this product be folded?

How many times did you see the original production of Follies?

Do you know the difference between cilantro and parsley?

r222, do you hate to exercise, but love to tap?

"Are you known on several continents for your climate activism and your progeria-like stinkface?"

Do you manufacture glass coffee tables?

Do you have an awkward tranny name?

Are you a noted homosexualist?

Have you ever seen a grown man naked?

Has your name ever appeared in a WHET thread?

Have we seen you on the Tik-Tok?

Are you obsessed with the notion that Dan Levy might identify as "non-binary" ?

Are you trimmed?

Mmmmm....our mystery guest is not opening in a motion picture, not performing on Broadway....well I'm going to take a wild guess: are you currently serving a life sentence for murdering your pregnant wife and two daughters?

Do you like movies with Gladiators?

Did your Daddy smell of the lamp?

Are you entering your Sad Last Days?

Are you wearing Jungle Red nail polish?

Are you a friend of Muriel?

have you ever worn a red tag?

Are you something other than American? Are you Slovenian?

have you been or will be best?

Do you have a close relationship with a nephew named “Joel?”

Are you concerned and live under a bridge?

[R222], do you hate to exercise, but love to tap?

r159, are multiple choice questions verboten, too, as in r10? (I never watched the show.)

R249, only yes/no questions are permitted.

Arlene: Have you been known to dangle purloined and diapered crotchfruit over balcony ledges?

Mystery Guest (in a treble whisper): Yes.

Arlene: Have you referred to cheap domestic sweetened table wine as "Jesus Juice" while hosting sleepovers in a locked bedroom with small boys?

Mystery Guest: Yes, white lady. You have a little nose. Pretty.

Arlene: Did you once notoriously confuse Emmanuel Lewis with a chimpanzee named "Bubbles," leading to Master Lewis spending three days in a cage eating bananas while you gave the chimp genital herpes?

Mystery Guest: I guess so. Hee hee.

Arlene: Did you once force a child to piddle on your face after removing your detachable freak-show nosette while you fisted him with a rhinestone-encrusted glove?

Mystery Guest: Oh yes.

Arlene: GUILTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Zsa Zsa Gabor (guest panelist, March 29, 1953): Dahlink, I speak Slovene-English, so I shall attempt to communicate with you that way, since no one else is making sense of your responses. All right now. Were you whore?

Guest: Djes.

Zsa Zsa: I could tell, dahlink. The piss doesn't land far from the chamber pot. Next, Are you stretched out like like punched and kicked taffy left in sun?

Guest: Unfortunatsko, djes. Until sew up job.

Zsa Zsa: Yes. It felt like the bellows in my grandfather's blacksmith shop when you opened and closed legs. Well, tried to close legs. Hot stink wind. Now, are you, in your own mind, best?

Guest: Uff corsssssssssss.

Zsa Zsa: And did you marry a rich man?

Guest: Apparently nott. Sheet.

John: Sorry, Miss Gabor. You're up, Ernie.

Ernie Kovacs: Well, I don't have to ask if you're a cunt, although I've seen more facial expressions on a cigar store Indian. If your other puss is as pinched and sour as the one we can see, I'm surprised your customers didn't demand their money back. So I'll just ask if you have a penchant for having your picture taken with your stiff and clumsily posed body oiled up like you're my doctors hand checking my prostate? I mean, like you were swimming in an oil slick. I hope that husband of yours doesn't smoke after sex or it's going to be charred shad and blackened Big Macs all over the Lincoln Bedroom ceiling. I'm not even going to guess who you are. I'm going to tell you. You're a whorebot.

Audience cheers and applauds. Guest narrows eyes.

Have you ever been paraded about town in a gingham dress?

HA!!! R252, I like that episode

"Are you the sort of person who doesn't bother to read the posts before lumbering towards the exit to vomit up leftovers?"

Do you live on Datalounge and expect people to remember a single post when they might have read it days before and that they should reread the thread to make sure no one else also posted the same thing?

Am I one of your FAAAAAAAANS?

Would you characterize your collapse as complete?

Are you frequently referred to as "Mein Führer"?

Do you do hard-hitting investigative journalism about such things as expired sunscreens?

Would it have killed you to have done a search?

[quote] Do you live on Datalounge and expect people to remember a single post when they might have read it days before and that they should reread the thread to make sure no one else also posted the same thing?

You knew exactly what you were doing, you lying, post stealing whore.

Are you now, or have you ever been, a pint-sized harlot?

Arlene: So, we have determined that our guest has something to do with sex toys. All we need to do now is figure out exactly what. All right, do you manufacture them?

Mr. Daly: No, that's five down and five to go.

Steve Allen: Do you demonstrate them in department store windows?

Mr. Daly: That's six down and four to go. Dorothy?

Dorothy: Let's see. You don't make them, and you don't demonstrate them. Do you test them out in any way?

Mr. Daly: That's seven down and three to go. Bennett?

Bennett: By any chance does our guest instruct in any way? Does he teach people how to use sex toys?

Mr. Daly: Sorry, Bennett. That's eight down and two to go. Arlene?

Arlene: Well, does he sell them in a store??

Mr. Daly: No, Arlene. That's nine down and one to go. Steve, it's down to you.

Steve: I haven't a clue. I pass. It's over to you, Dorothy.

Dorothy: If he doesn't make them or sell them, and he doesn't demonstrate or instruct them, does he by any chance use them professionally in pron films??

Mr. Daly: Oh, Dorothy, you were so close! That's ten down and none to go. Panel, our guest is a dildo model. His penis has been cast and used as the basis for several very realistic models available at a pron store near you.

Arlene: Well [bleeep] me! We've been close, personal friends for years and never knew it!

Might your outrageous charm fill this funny farm that we call Madame's Place?

Do you make a living prancing about in your skivvies on the social media?

Is yoah considerable... uhhhh... GIRTH... necessary to do what you dooooo?

"So we've established your greatest fame came from television ... do you have a daughter you might describe as a 'rude, thoughtless little pig'?"

Did you used to be Zac Efron?

Are you a little bit country?

Do you seek milky loads?

Has anyone ever called you a whore, darling?

are you julianne moore, seriously?

R272 meet R27

r273, meet r274.

Are you Julianne Moore, seriously?

Are you a Sumerian Farmwife?

Do you answer to “Frau?”

Did you kill your sister over pineapple?

Ten down and no more to go...panel you may take off your blindfolds and meet our mystery challenger: Michael Avenatti.

Who?

Have you ever worn a cockring?

So we've established that there are two of you....and you're not the Everly Brothers. Well, I'm going to go out on a limb here and make a guess. Are you by any chance Olabinjo and Abimbola Osundairo?

Might I be able to infuse my home with the scent of your vagina?

Have you ever announced the wrong winner of the Best Picture Academy Award?

Are you a Lebanese?

Have you ever adopted a baby from China or Romania?

Have you ever screamed at the death of a member of the royal family?

Classic TV

Mystery guest... you're ready to fly right out of here, aren't you?

I don't push no button, I bop!

whoops wrong thread

Pass.

Were you ever attacked by men in MAGA hats on your way to get a Subway sandwich? At 2 in the morning? In Chicago in subzero temperature?

Did you ever get upstaged by a horse?

That doll you're carrying. Have you ever kissed it?

Does each of your adoptive children match a favorite handbag?

mmmys

Do you line your adoptive children up in order and call them your "earth-tone spectrum of PR brilliance"?

ys

Are you taking your children to restaurants during the pandemic (in a separate vehicle from yours), having assistants call the paps as you leave your house, and then demanding that they order vegan kiddie portions to share, three kids per brown rice scoop, because they have to learn "parsimony appropriate to a bodhisattva," before going to the restroom to snort a fistful of pow-pow?

mmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmm mmmmokay

Did you steal the Best Supporting Actress Oscar from Catherine Keener?

fkys sofkngwht

Do you have an interest in white belts?

Has anyone ever called you Bossy Bear Bottom?

Have you ever fanked someone for fixting your hamburger?

Did your late husband enjoy using disco lights in motel rooms?

Did you pre-lube before coming on the show tonight?

Have you ever had an unpleasant experience with Lauren Bacall?

DOROTHY: "Did you ever get the campy credit of talking your henna-headed wife out of every good idea that came her way over the last 30 years of her miserable life, when it was obvious you were no more than a nod-of-legitimacy doorstop to her?"

DOROTHY: "Did you ever write a lyric with a woman bragging about her fine finnan haddie, when it was quiet clear the taste of such a pescetarian feminine delight would have sent you immediately to the hospital to have your tongue peeled?"

DOROTHY: "Are you a closeted friend of my namesake?"

GUEST PANELIST FAYE EMERSON: "Did you play Hans Christian Andersen as if he were a ginger pixie who would have preferred to write about a large merman rather than a little mermaid?"

GUEST PANELIST CAROL CHANNING: "Do you have any idea - any idea at all, even a mere hint or the slightest suggestion - when I could possibly have last eaten corn?"

ARLENE: "Have you ever equated being politely civil to a one-time overnight guest with running a tawdry bed-and-breakfast establishment?"

Have you ever owned a Samsonite suitcase?

Have you ever been in a relationship with an imaginary doorman?

DOROTHY: "Is what was once your manhood still intact beneath womanhood?"

Your penmanship is ghastly. Have you been drinking?

Did you get an "an", a swirl, and a pivot in the opening credits of your television program?

Have you ever planted your own tree, and made it grow?

Have you ever welcomed friends you've yet to know?

Do you know where you're going to? Do you like the things that life is showing you? Where are you going to, do you know? Do you get what you're hoping for? When you look behind you there's no open door. What are you hoping for, do you know?

Have you ever faxed the AP to set the record straight about a Dionne Warwick?

Mystery Guest, have you ever served Fairy Bread at a State Dinner?

DOROTHY: Have you ever butt-fucked the gentleman seated at my right?

Are you, or have you ever been, Lens Dunham?

Are you notable for cradling your coffee mug?

Do you know why straight me so stupid?

Ha! Ha! Ha! I'll say!

"Are you the brightest new star in Aaron Spelling's nighttime firmament? Are you Karen Cellini?"

Do you think you deserve to be in the middle of this picture?

Have you never been mellow?

Have you never tried?

Are you solid or liquid?

So refreshing to be reminded of a time when people took the trouble to dress for television. Now they look like streetwalkers and hobos.

Have you ever stemmed the rose?

MEL TORME: And have you ever actually seen a hobo, or for that matter a streetwalker outside of in a mirror, Guest at R326.

I'll pass again.

Did Tallulah Bankhead send you a telegram on the night of your premiere saying, "Kisses on your opening"?

Distinguished poet and original panelist LOUIS UNTERMEYER who was disgustingly forced off the show as part of the McCarthy Red Craze: Did you just fart?

Closeted Guest Panelist ROBERT Q. LEWIS after Dorothy slipped pentothal into his pre-show cocktail: I'll bet you have a lovely cock. May I please suck your lovely cock? I won't tell anyone? I'll let you soil my mouth. Pleeeeeeeeease?

Have you ever ruined a thread by changing its very simple, funny format to contribute your stupid shit, like R332 has done?

Arthur Godfrey was no fan of effeminate Robert Q. Lewis.

He asked openly on his radio show, "I wonder what the "Q" stands for?"

Guest Panelist Elsa Maxwell: Madame, have you ever circled the potato bar three times without stopping? Hmmmm????

Do you have a Blatino cagemeat neighbor named Joel who eats old people’s excrement?

Are you a three-time winner of the coveted "Slovene Whore of the Year" award?

Have you ever been fucked by Sal Mineo?

Do you sparkle? Are you sparkling right now? (I'm sorry, I just can't tell.)

Are you a very skinny lady in the water?

Do you identify with the struggles of gay people who are oppressed beyond belief?

Do you like watching Gladiator movies?

"Did you have to 're-home' your loyal dog after adopting a thirst trap infant and selling the photo rights to People magazine?"

We’ve established that you're not starring on Broadway, not opening in a motion picture, not playing supper clubs, you don't have a hit record, you're not a published author, you're not a fashion model or a sports figure, you're not starring in a television series...mystery guest, are you Sue Oakland?

"Are you, or have you ever been, a murderous fatty on the lam?"

"Are you a man of the cloth? If so, how long ago did you kill your wife?"

Are you Pam Shriver's latent heterosexuality?

Did one of your costars ever say "Come over to Big Daddy's place tonight and I'll make you squeal like a pig. " ?

Have you ever been involved with my pianoplayer and shoplifting? Are you Lainie Kazan?

Are you just a little bitter about your treatment on a popular sitcom from the 1970s?

have you ever asked David to hold you?

Do you sell anything, buy anything, or process anything? Do you sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed?

Do you like Duke's mayonnaise?

Do you like Duke's mayonnaise?

have you habitually double-posted ?

are you a certain kind of lady who crab walks?

Have you ever been a sous chef?

Have you ever enjoyed an Autumn Harvest having only paid for Once Around the Garden?

Have you ever shot ping-pong balls out of your cooter?

Have you ever had a photo of your penis leaked on the Internet and was it bigger than a bread box?

How old were you when your anus prolapsed?

R358 why, yes

Mystery guest, did we share a ski lift last winter at the Dyatlov Pass?

Were you one of the men who killed JFK?

R360, dolt.

Yes or no questions.

Quit projecting about prolapsed anuses, you homophobic creep.

Were you once informed your mother sucks cocks in hell?

Yes.

And does she?

Have you ever been described as a cock in a frock on a rock?

Are you dead to me? (You kinda look it.)

Have you ever turned down a first-rate part because your schedule was too busy?

Is it Johnny?

Is that pussy original, as opposed to purchased?

Did you ever work for a famous Oscar nominated director?

Are you best known for your bologna salad recipe?

Have you ever made a dump cake?

Do you have Wessonality?

Have you recently accidentally shared a photograph of your saluting manhood with the entire planet?

"Let's see ... you're a woman, and you've been known to raise your voice in song ... John, I'm going to take a wild guess. Are you Miss Lake Dardanelle?"

Have you ever kissed a doll?

Thanks! LOL funny.

Are you known for hurling lattes at men who do not succumb to your advances?

Have you ever been referred to as a "slack-holed temptress?"

"So you have some connection with the royal family — how exciting! — and Bennett established that you're a real cunt ... oh! Did you ever wear a blackamoor pin to meet Meghan Markle?"

Were you ever mistaken for a RuPaul's Drag Race contestant?

ARLENE: Did you once, in bi-polar foreshadowing, play a girl who'd only seen the sights a girl can see from Brooklyn Heights?

MYSTERY GUEST: Yes.

ARLENE: Does the phrase "Boobies, boobies, boobies" trigger your gorge to rise?

MYSTERY GUEST: Yes

ARLENE: And did your movie career die with your caterwauling in an unconvincing movie-set alley amid trashcans? O my God! Stop her!!!!" SHE'S GOING TO HURT SOMEONE!!"

Do you still bathe your "journalist" son as a reward when he publicizes another false accusation against his father?

Judging from that reception, mystery guest, are you a sloe-eyed vamp?

Are you the author of The Curious Incident of the Pitbull in the Ass of the Baby? Are you Mark Haddon?

R383 Sparkle, Neely, sparkle!

Did you knock up our post-menopausal Arlene in "The Thrill of It All"?

Do you know the way to San Jose?

Are you a former nighttime soap star and snack lover?

Well, let's see... Our mystery guest is not known for the legitimate stage, film, or television. Doesn't appear in nightclubs or make recordings, and isn't into sports. His name and photo haven't appeared in any section of the newspaper recently, and he has never seen Follies. I'm stumped! Oh! Wait! Did you used to dance at the Gaiety??

I think Dorothy has a weenie!

"Do your legs work? No? Well, then are you scheming to push out Alec as the Shriner's Hospital adowable bwanket spokeskid?"

Are you a mildly crazed former soap actress living in LA who has been known to give beauty advice such as "If you're trying to lose weight, just eat half as much"?

Are you a virgin who can’t drive?

beep

Does any one wear hats any more?

ware you married?

Are you one of those influencers? Do you actually influence anyone? Does anyone care?

Have I seen your penis in the last 24 hours? [As if that narrows it down.....]

Do I smell steamed clam cooch?

If they ever reboot this (in the near future), they need to get Larry King on the panel.

Unlike To Tell the Truth or even I’ve Got a Secret, WML hasn’t been rebooted since 1974. One of its appeals back in the day was having men and particularly women in jobs then not associated with their sex. So that wouldn’t work today. And celebrity is now so diffuse the mystery guest could really be a mystery to the panel and viewers. A cast member perhaps from Love After Lockup?!

For me, the appeal of WML was always the joy of hearing intelligent, witty people exchange banter and challenge the censors of the day. The game itself was incidental.

[quote]the joy of hearing intelligent, witty people exchange banter and challenge the censors of the day. The game itself was incidental.

I almost completely agree with you, r404, but the game itself could be and often was a lot of fun. Such talented cosmopolitan players were the icing on the cake.

Are you currently playing in one of New York's smart supper clubs?

are you a friend of Judy?

Are you currently groping Mr. Daly behind the desk? Are you the beloved Helen Lawson?

Are you currently groping Mr. Daly behind the desk? Are you the beloved Helen Lawson?

Do you have tasteful friends who keep your throw-pillow collecting in check?

Do you now own or have you recently acquired a Tina Turner clock?

ARLENE: Are you a friend of Dorothy? And I don't mean Parker, Malone, or the chinless lush perched on the second seat at my right as if it were a barstool at the King Cole and you look like someone who knows where she likes the the olive to go.

FRED: Do you cover the waterfront?

GUEST PANELIST ZSA ZSA GABOR, behind her Mystery Guest eyeshades: Verr vee effer married, Dahlingk?

FRED: You sound like a smart out-of-breath mouse in mid-fart. Are you Blossom Dearie?

FRED: Is there more to you than meets the eye? Because I hope so.

FRED: Are those your original teeth? I mean those two front ones. They look like something I'd see at Evergreen if I ever went to Brooklyn, which I don't.

Do you, against all tradition, dress to the right? I mean noticeably?

CONFERENCE! John, may we have a conference?

John: Fifteen seconds, panel.

Panel in a huddle, a voice is heard to whisper loudly: Do any of you have any poppers?

sex break

Dorothy Kilgallen: Are you the most famous blonde bombshell in the movies today?

Mamie Van Doren: Yes.

John Daly: Okay, panel, one piece of information -our guest does not work for a profit-making organization.

Arlene: Oh? So you work for Donald Trump?

Did I suck your cock?

Are you from Sumer?

Did you suck my cock?

Dorothy suspects the mystery challenger might be Chrissy Metz when she hears the production crew bringing in an extra wide love seat.

"Judging by that reaction from the male half of the audience would be safe in assuming that you are what we might refer to as an Instaho?"

Do you currently have a vagina cape twirling in one of the picture-houses on Broadway?

*Audience oohs*

Are you Sara?

Does the hemline of your kaunakes rise and fall with changes in the annual chickpea harvest?

If you died horribly in a grease fire, would many people come to your funeral?

Are you currently on the East Coast to promote a new OnlyFans account?

Do you lose sleep at night worrying whether or not a given celebrity is circumcised or suffers from tiny meat?

Since we’ve established our guest is a member of royalty could we also say they are heavyset or big-boned?

Hmm. Not heavyset of big-boned, but a member of a royal family... Okay, John, I'll just come right out and ask. Is your cock pierced? Do you wear a Prince Albert?

Are you from the illegitimate theatre?

Well, John, I don't know what he does, but I'd certainly like to do it with him all night long!

OP: Stop trying to make "vagina bone" happen. It's CUNT bone. Thank you.

We've established you work for a profit-making organization, and that your work takes you from place to place. We have also determined that you often touch people in your work. Do you kick them in the cunt bone?

Oh! I have a weenie! Did you once kick Arlene in the cunt bone??

Well, isn't it obvious? Our mystery guest is none other than Vivian Vance!

Mr. Daly: No, panel. I'm afraid you missed it completely. Please take off your blindfolds and say hello to our mystery guest, legendary pron star Brent Corrigan!

Arlene; Oh, for heaven's sake! You should have gotten him, Bennett!

Bennett: I did, Arlene. I did indeed.

Dorothy: Was that in the park, Bennett? Or in a club?

Bennett: Neither, Dorothy. Mr. Corrigan paid me a visit at my office.

Arlene: I don't doubt you at all, Bennett. But I do wonder who did the "paying..."

So, we know you're a performer on the legitimate stage, but not currently appearing in New York. Have you eaten corn recently?

Dorothy: Were you kicked in the cunt bone in front of twenty million people on live television last week in Atlantic City?

Mr. Daly: That's three down and seven to go. Mr. Allen?

Steve: Just to clarify, was our guest not kicked in the cunt bone, or just kicked in the cunt bone at a different time or place?

Steve Allen: Are you bigger than a breadbox?

Jayne Meadows: No, it just seems that way because your cock is so small.

Dorothy: Mystery Guest, did Johnnie Ray and I take turns eating your ass in an alley behind a nightclub in San Juan last fall?

Arlene: Really, Dorothy??

Dorothy: Oh, don't worry, Arlene -I let Johnnie go first to clean things up a bit.

Arelene: "I have a terrible question to ask you. Do you swallow it?"

Male Guest: "Yes"

Arlene: "Jolly good. Let's swallow it. Let's not chew it, let's not suck it, let's just get it down!"

Are you of the literary Van Dorens or the couch casting cock sucking Van Dorens?

Arlene Francis: Now that we've established that you have acted but are best known for singing, and that you have been singing for many decades as both as duo and solo performer... could we ask if you have ever lent you image to a wall clock?

*Audience oohs*

Arlene Francis: Are you Miss Tina Turner?

*Audience applauds*

Can the majority of ills that affect your life be blamed on the presence of a foam mattress?

Carol Channing, responding to Arlene's question in R442:

I don't know. I really can't remember. But I promise I'll check. (grinning broadly and bugging her eyes at the camera)

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN MORE THAN ONCE AROUND THE GARDEN ??

"Thank you, Bennett. I'll take a stab in the dark -- has your vagine been declared Wasilla's greatest natural resource?"

Mr. Daly: Okay, panel, before we get started this evening I want to take a moment of personal privilege to say that tonight's Mystery Guest is a cunt.

Dorothy: Well, that doesn't narrow it down much, does it, John?

Bennett: Can we assume from your statement, John, that our Mystery Guest is of the female persuasion?

Arlene: I sure hope it's a profit-making cunt!

Mr. Daly: I'm going to ask you to put your blindfolds on, panel, as there is an element of possible recognition for our first guest. Ready? Can we have our first guest enter and sign in? (applause) Let's start our questioning with Bennett Cerf. Bennett?

Bennett: John, I'm afraid I'll have to disqualify myself. I caught a whiff of that cunt when she walked in, and knew her instantly.

Arlene: Oh? Is that what I smelled? I thought Dorothy had forgotten to douche again.

Dorothy: Arlene! What a terrible thing to say!

Arlene: I'm sorry, Dorothy, but sometimes you are a bit...fishy. 'Nuff said.

Mr. Daly: All right, panel, let's get back to our guest, shall we? Dorothy?

Dorothy: Are you a seafood chef? I do smell fish...

Mr. Daly: that's one down and nine to go. Mr. Allen?

Steve: I'm still reeling, John. I'm not sure whether it's the smell, or the idea that Bennett recognizes it! Okay. Has Bennett ever smelled your cunt before? And did he kick it in bone?

ARLENE: Did you once call Dorothy a "chinless wonder?"

JOHN: That's eight down and two to go. Mr. Cerf?

BENNETT: Have you ever sued Dorothy for implying that you were a person of "lewd and unchaste character?"

JOHN: That's nine down and one to go. Miss Kilgallen?

DOROTHY: Now that the cunt and the closet case are finished dragging my name through the mud, I'll just ask if our guest is smelling cookies right now?

From the legendary "lost" episode that ended exactly 1 minute and 53 seconds into the show:

Mr Daly: Good evening, panel. It's a pleasure to welcome a new panelist to play with us this evening: The lovely, talented, Miss Eleanor Parker.

Groucho: Miss Parker, if I pull my cock out would you sit on it and spin?

Have you ever been to a place called Wrigleyville?

Arlene: Let's see. You work for a profit-making enterprise, and you don't wear a uniform. You provide a service, but you don't touch the people you give the service to...

John: Just to be clear, Arlene, our guest said he doesn't touch his clients with his hands, but it is possible that some other part of his body might come into contact with them during the course of his... servicing.

Dorothy: Oh -Arlene! I have a weenie!

Arlene: So does our guest, Dorothy, but he keeps his in his pants. (audience laughter) Oh-ho! So he doesn't keep it in his pants?? Is our guest what is commonly known in the trade as Trade?

Steve Allen - Is it bigger than a breadbox?

John Daly - That's three down and seven to go. Miss Francis?

Arlene - Is it bigger than Dorothy's box?

Bennett Cerf: And now it is my pleasure to introduce our moderator, the delightfully erudite John Charles Croghan Patrick Daly.

Mr. Daly: Bennett, you've been trying unsuccessfully to use my full name for the last eight years, and I'm pleased to announced that you've finally done it. (audience applause) No, don't humor him. I lied. The stupid queen got it wrong again.

Dorothy Kilgallen: Bennett! You're not going to stand for that, are you?

Bennett Cerf: No, Dorothy, I am not. Once I get my caftan unstuck from this chair I intend to kick Mr. Daly in the cunt bone.

Tony Randall: Oh, Bennett... Just do what I do: present hole!

Arlene Francis: Only if it's clean, Bennett!

Mystery guest: Tonga flag bearer Pita Taufatofua

Mr. Taufatofua entered in his opening ceremonies regalia, shirtless and oiled up. The audience went wild with screams and wolf whistles. During questioning, John Daly leaned in for a conference and couldn't resist tweaking one of his guest's nipples. It wasn't caught on camera, but the audience howled and hooted so much that the show was unable to continue. A red-faced Daly later explained that he meant to put his hand on his guest's shoulder, but it slipped due to all the oil. Mr. Taufatofua said that he did expect the full $50 prize.