is it weird to go to someone's house unannounced?

It is rude OP.

It's definitely weird to not know how to capitalize letters.

It is only acceptable if you intend to present hole!

Depends where you live. In many places, it is not rude. Family in the Midwest think it’s normal and nice. I hate it.

It’s definitely weird. I won’t open the door to anyone unless I am expecting someone. It’s also dangerous, since it’s not expected that anyone without bad intentions would come unannounced. A person at the door is likely to get themselves killed if the homeowner is armed and fears for their safety.

It's only ok if you are on a sitcom. Otherwise text first.

For anyone over 60, it is expected. It’s the way you grew up. Texting to confirm it’s ok to drop by was not an option.

Yes. Nowadays it is.

As r4 says, it depends. When I was growing up in the 70s/80s, we used to pop in on people, and vice versa. I have memories of my mother saying “Let’s see if Dodie’s home!” if we were in the neighborhood. We’d also visit my dad’s aunts or other relatives on weekend days. They always seemed happy to see us, and there was always ice cream or cake for us. They were home in their immaculate homes, seeming to be waiting for company.

We have a bit of an open-door policy for people who are very close to us, who visit often. The doorman knows to let them up, and our apartment door is literally open most of the time. My SIL seems to be here a lot, but she does text first.

Unless you break down my gate, you ain't getting anywhere near my house. And if you do break my gate, my dogs aren't very friendly towards strangers.

If you do call or text, asking to come over, I'm probably busy.

r9 sounds so insufferable that I doubt if he ever had any visitors

I don't want visitors, that's why gates and fences were invented. I go to other people's homes to socialize. I don't need people coming to my house touching everything.

It’s not weird, just slightly rude, indulgent, and definitely an imposition.

My husband and I have a Condo in a building at the end of our block. In these COVID times many of our friends have walked by our building and in doing so, requested/demanded an audience. We get texts, “come out to the deck!” at all times of the day, with no regard for what we may be doing, or whatever personal state in which we may be.

In the end we always feel like the Perons going out to wave and interact with peasants.

In Covid-times?

why not call first?

Comedian Sebastian Maniscalco on when the doorbell rings now vs. 20 years ago.

His childhood experience with company is same as mine including the Sanka, lol.

Fine for close friends and family if you have that type of relationship. Unacceptable for everyone else. Now that texting is so common it would be strange not to give someone a head's up beforehand, even if you are in their neighborhood.

Yeah, weird, unless it is an extreme emergency (for example, you were walking near a friend's house, suddenly felt a horrible pain in your chest, and you didn't have your phone with you). I remember it being a little more common in the 80s, but I think people are so busy now that it's far from a safe bet that you'll catch them at a convenient time.

Bensonmum announces all my guests.

If I hear a knock or ring at the door it's a neighbor, or maybe the building porter or a workman doing something in the apartment building.

Open the peephole and ask who it is if you don't recognize them and then either open the door or send them on their way.

I don't have to worry about safety just nuisance, but the worst that happens is that, rarely, someone gets buzzed in the main doors and then rings the wrong door once inside.

Friends or family would always text or call first because it's easier, and often will call from downstairs at the front door rather than ring because few remember apartment numbers.

Obviously in the last century there was more stopping by of friends and family and chance visits --still not uncommon but less common now in villages-- but mobile phones changed that.

In the late 90s/early 00s I had eight regular FBs and I told him the only reason they needed to call ahead was to save them a trip in case I wasn’t at home.

Since they all lived less than 15 miles from me none of them ever bothered to call first.

It didn’t bother me to be interrupted if I was watching television or eating or cleaning so long as I got some dick/head/ass.

There were a few times when it lead to interesting 3-ways because the visitors would overlap (no pun intended). One time it led to a great 4-way.

R18 I just gave you a WW. I really watched that film last Sunday night!

Re-watched not really watched

It is not weird, just rude and intrusive. Call ahead of time before you show up unannounced, it is not difficult.

Agree with r6 that it's only for sitcom characters. If you're a real person, make plans in advance.

Nowadays, even if you have an open invitation, it would be weird not to at least text that you're coming.

[quote]The doorman knows to let them up, and our apartment door is literally open most of the time.

Why would anyone close or lock their doors these days? It’s always such a hassle to have to get up and unlock and open them when the guests can just let themselves in. I love when my guests announce themselves when they burst through the door. One friend likes to announce herself by saying “knock, knock” once she’s already inside.

R20, tis wonderful to know your hole had an open door policy, dear.

R26 Their holes, not mine

I don't stop by without calling to check first. And if I don't have your number, that's my answer. I would only drop by without a phone call in an emergency.

What if you don’t have your phone with you?

My childhood was similar R8. Growing up in the "South", people showed up a fair amount - particularly family. I remember a few neighbors who always dropped in as well - it was hardly rare. I was call the practice annoying but expected (at least during the 80's and 90's). We lived just down the street from my paternal grandparents when I was very young. I would go visit them on my bike and never announce it ahead of time (they loved it of course). They had a habit of doing the same at our house (my mom HATED this and dad was often did not get back from work until after 9 PM or so). When I was in 6th grade, my parents bought a vacant lot in a new golf course development and built a house. Even though it was only a few neighborhoods over, the "dropping by to visit" mostly ceased with my grandparents but not with other neighbors. A few years later my grandparents built down the street. Once they moved in, the "visiting" started up in full force many weeknights on their evening stroll - sometimes 5 days a week. By then dad was home every evening and both parents hated this (these were the days before DVR so if you missed your show and didn't record it on VHS - you were shit out of luck). Dad was a TV junkie in the evening and my grandparents only watched soaps during the day and therefore honestly didn't know how annoying their visits were getting to be. As kids we had the excuse of homework or our friend's telephone calls to excuse ourselves. At some point my mother threw such a fit (behind the scenes) that I assumed either a divorce or another move was imminent. At some point, mom realized that if she just stayed in her bedroom and watched TV without even saying hi - she could avoid the situation altogether. As far as I know, my parents hardly ever watched TV together again after that period of time. To this day (they now spend half the year in another state even though my grandmother is still alive and living just down the street when they are back in town), they still watch separate TVs in separate rooms - even if watching the same station (usually Fox "News" - gag).

FFS would you guys lighten the fuck up. What a bunch of anti-social wankers.

If someone knocks at my door and hasn't let me know that they're coming over, I won't answer it.

R7, I’m 63, and dropping in for a visit was considered rude in my childhood. (Stopping by to drop something off without actually coming in was different.) It was more common than it is today, but it was rapidly waning as a practice. We didn’t have texting, but we did have telephones. Even if you were out and about, there were public telephones everywhere. Why would you need to drop in without calling first? Even in the 1960s, polite people called before visiting. OTOH, I grew up in the suburbs of a big city (DC). In the country and in the South, it may still have been fully acceptable.

I stopped dropping by the year after college, as the gays just hate being dropped by on. It had been normal in college to drop in on people, and to have people just show up at your door, at least if you lived on or near campus, so I figured it would be the same if I just dropped in on guys with whom I'd recently shared my penis.

Well, the first time I did, somewhere in the East 60s, I was completely shut down. How dare I, and all that bullshit. My next trick suggested making an appointment to see each other a second time. A guy I ended up falling in love with told me I could do anything I wanted with him sexually, just don't come over without calling. I eventually came to realize this was a result of his older brother dropping in on him without notice whenever he felt like it.

In any case, I have given a very few people permission to come by without calling (back before cellphones), and I don't think I've just dropped in on a gay man since 1975.

I personally find it incredibly rude OP, but there are some people that do it.

Many years ago two good friends showed up on my doorstep one evening while I was studying for exams. I said I was studying and sent them on their way. They were both surprised, but it didn't affect out friendship until one of them ghosted me two years later (doesn't count IMO).

In today's world it is rude.

At my residence, nobody can even get to my door unannounced except building staff or another resident on my floor. The doorman screens all entrants into the lobby, and the elevators are controlled with a key fob. Even people who live here can only get to their own floor.

It’s only ok if you are a wacky neighbor in a three camera sitcom.

If you aren’t, then it is rude AF.

It is rude to drop by unannounced. Most people have a mobile phone so use it. If you forgot it at home just stop and use a payphone! 😛

If you are checking in on the well-being of a neighbor or asking them for assistance of some sort - or if it is a close family member for the same reasons, then yes.

Otherwise, absolutely not.

We’re getting a lot of earnest bell ringers running up to the primary in MA. I just watch em on the door cam. Who thinks door-to-door works these days?

There are a few things are think of as basic manners, but other people seem fine with omitting. One is calling before going over to someone's house. Two is never going into a room of a house you're visiting without being invited to tour it. (The only exception being asking for the bathroom, by saying "where can I go to wash my hands?". ) I'm always somewhat speechless when someone arrives unannounced at my doorstep, and also speechless if i'm entertaining someone in my living room and they get up and start flinging open doors - "where does this go to?". "What's behind this door?" A visitor could hint in the training of my childhood. "What a lovely home. I'd love to tour it sometime". If the host doesn't immediately say, "oh, I'd love to show it to you", you're SOL. Once I gave an OUTDOOR party (a barbecue/picnic). Someone I had met one time asked to use the bathroom, was gone for 15 minutes and when I went in the house to check on him, found him exploring the basement!! His excuse was, "Oh I just love exploring other people's homes".

...a few things I think of as basic manners^^^^^

As others have said - "weird" is contextual to what is normal. Normal depends on your age, the culture of your social set, and your country. When I lived in North Africa it was routine. In Switzerland it's unheard of and rude. When I was in school in USA, it was routine.

R38 where do you live where there are still pay phones?

I haven’t seen a payphone in over a decade.

As an adult person. It is absolutely rude to show up at someone’s door. If you are a teenager I guess it’s fine. Otherwise text first or call. I consider showing up at someone’s door very déclassé. I can count on one hand the people that would allowed to do that to me or I to them.

It depends on the person you’re visiting. Close friends and family are ok. At least they’re always welcome here even if they show up unannounced.

It depends on the person you’re visiting. Close friends and family are ok. At least they’re always welcome here even if they show up unannounced.

It's very rude OP. Don't ever do it.

Depends on how close you are to the person. Really good friends should never be an issue - I've never had a problem with good friends who drop by.

I wonder if there's an introvert/extrovert divide on this questions. R49, I would not welcome anyone, even my closest friend, dropping by because it assumes I'm ready to stop whatever I'm doing to chat with them. Why would they assume that?

I think many extroverts are so social, they can't imagine anything more fun or important than socializing, but any introvert can probably list a dozen he'd rather do most of the time.

^^^ "... a dozen THINGS he'd rather do ..."

R50 you also be polite and that has nothing to do with being an introvert. You can offer a close friend a cup of coffee and then that’s that. You don’t need to hang out the rest of the day.

Family is ok. But what if you're passionately fucking or in the middle of a very serious discussion or doing something really important and some cunt turns up at your door like they own the place?

What about that... That's why you don't do it.

Slight digression: is anybody else here old enough to remember as kids visiting each other's houses every day to ask if so-and-so could "come out to play"?

I wonder if any kids nowadays do that or can they only play via arranged play dates via their parents?

R54 my eldest always goes out to ask kids to play and plenty of kids come at our door too.

R34 is funny

I'm guessing the guys were obviously freaked out that people would find out that they slept with a guy. So he's flaming or something else is wrong.

It's always been something of an imposition to drop in on people unannounced, but one that was tolerated more in the bygone days before cell phones. Some families have little to no boundaries and encourage the practice to this day, but there are always those who chafe against their relatives' drop-ins. See above for examples.

It is not "RUDE" to stop by someone's house. If they don't want to see you then, they can say so.

You know these people who think it's so rude have dirty houses.

R58 some people struggle with being people pleasers and have a hard to time telling people if it’s a bad time.

R60, many people would be put off by a friend or family member telling them, "sorry. but now's not a good time to visit." I hate dropper-inners. I am a total introvert, and yet I'd be a little miffed by such a blunt statement, too. Nobody likes to be made to feel second-best to [whatever the would-be host happens to be doing].

It's easy to say that anyone who doesn't like it can fuck off, but if they're good friends that you want to keep and whose feeling you don't want to hurt, it's harder to do in real life. Actually, it's a bit rude to say, "no, you can't come in right now." Thus, we have a no-win situation that is easily avoided by not dropping by unannounced in the first place.

THIS is why we have etiquette. It's not about rigid formality. It's about having rules that ensure the fewest possible people are made uncomfortable in social situations.

Call (or text) before visiting. This has been a rule of etiquette for decades. Well-mannered people should follow it.

Italians grow up used to this shit all the time -- hosting unannounced random family who will stay for neverending amounts of time. Forces you to learn how to be a good host, but I won't lie, I don't miss it!

It's rude.

Why do we have a new thread about this once a month? It would appear that we have decided once and for all, forever and all time, and then someone poses the question again, and we all shriek "It's rude!" and it begins again.

Why?

It's definitely rude during the pandemic. At other times, I suppose it depends on culture, age, relationship with the person, etc.