Does everyone ghost now?

ghosting seems to have become quite acceptable in personal lives, so maybe now sliding over into business dealings as well. COVID has been an accelerant.

OMG who has time to respond when not interested, olds?

On the other hand, Human Resources departments have been doing it to job applicants for decades now.

You will only hear from them if they immediately need something from you. Got that, gramps?

I think people are so tugged back and forth and ADD with the various social media that actually responding has become a thing of the past.

It is my second middle name.

I understand it somewhat. I sell on an online marketplace and people communicate until they don't. It amuses me when someone ghosts after showing great interest in an item, and I end up selling to someone else. A week later, after no contact, after not answering a follow up email I sent them (or two sometimes!) they finally inquire again about it and I explain the item has sold. Often times they get pissy and email back that I should have informed them there was a buyer and that I should have know they were really interested. I have to admit it's satisfying to email back, ya snooze ya lose!

Okay, the latest is now the worst.

A woman emailed me yesterday about the apartment and asked if she could come see it. I asked if Thursday worked. She responded, "Could I see it sooner?" So I told her I'm available this afternoon or tomorrow morning.

This was almost 24 hours ago and I haven't heard from her since. I even sent her a follow-up email this morning and asked, "I was just wondering if you knew what time you'd be stopping by?"

I tried to accommodate her and she can't even bother to follow-up? What the fuck? Do these people think I just spend my life at their beck and call?

I had this happen with 2 realtors who were adamant that their clients wanted to buy my house - just stopped replying to emails and texts. Both under 40. It is what it is - part of the ongoing decline of civilization. I’m outta here in 20 years - good luck with it millenials+

Same is true of employers. I am happily employed but will always entertain an offer to interview. I recently did with a company. The first interview went well and they told me they would follow up in week. Nothing. Emailed thanking for their time, nothing. A month later I get an email telling me I am scheduled for a second interview. That was it so I set it in my calendar. Then I get a not so nice email from the recruiter asking if I am going to make the interview. I responded saying yes intended to. She replied it is proper decorum to reply to emails. I forwarded her my email I sent her from a month ago, saying 'like this one," I did the second interview. Needless to say I am not expecting a third.

I wouldn't stop showing the apartment thinking you might hear back from someone who hasn't yet made their interest well known.

And that's what the prospective tenants are assuming of you as well.

it's so fucking immature

OP lives in an absolute dump.

While I'm complaining about the younger generations, I should include this:

I just received an email from a student (university) that read, in whole, "Heyy so what books do we need?"

I believe what the realtor describes comes down to us being more fickle than ever. Rushing after the proverbial digital, or non-digital, butterfly making us forget what we did a few moments ago and then when we remember and try to pick up things where we left off we find out that the other party has moved on.

Ghosting is more when you don't want to have that difficult conversation that should end a particular chapter in your life (like ending a friendship, or some relationship in its early stages). It kind of reminds me of that Six Feet under opening death where a woman has finally the courage to end it with her boyfriend / husband and in his violent rage she got a fireplace poker through her eye (should've stayed with the ghosting, that one).

I'm an old, but FFS, this is nothing new; its been going-on for at least a decade. What do you want them to do, send thank-you notes, or invite you for afternoon tea? Show whatever, answer their questions, send emails, and forget about it...if they're interested, they'll let you know.

R8, why would you even respond to someone like you describe? You must have lots and lots of spare time

I think it's also a bit of only thinking about yourself. The ghoster asks about an apartment and starts what could be a productive back and forth, but then "decides" they don't want to be bothered by that issue now and they think they'll think about any action later when they feel like it.

Ghosting for anything other than a quick online relationship is unacceptable.

Depends where you are OP

If the real estate market is pretty competitive then people are just reacting the way they've likely been treated and/or they assume that they are one of 50 people seeing the place and you have no idea who they are and would be baffled if they called to update that they are not interested.

And you should just go with it. Stop trying to be nice and just let the most persistent person have the place.

[quote]I understand it somewhat. I sell on an online marketplace and people communicate until they don't. It amuses me when someone ghosts after showing great interest in an item, and I end up selling to someone else. A week later, after no contact, after not answering a follow up email I sent them (or two sometimes!) they finally inquire again about it and I explain the item has sold. Often times they get pissy and email back that I should have informed them there was a buyer and that I should have know they were really interested. I have to admit it's satisfying to email back, ya snooze ya lose!

What patience you must have R8. I unloaded a house full of things to an auction house, then listed a few lesser antiques and oriental rugs and things that the auction house didn't think they could make a good price on via Facebook Marketplace. Everyone was right; for what I had it it was the fastest and most lucrative way to get rid of some larger things, but also--the same people warned me--a huge pain in the ass. A couple of the buyers were brilliant, they contacted me quickly, arranged to come that same day, arrived exactly on time, and ended up buying lots of things that I had not listed yet; one convinced her sister to buy a huge oriental rug sight unseen. and hauled everything away immediately. The bulk though were wankers who wanted me to hold things until they could see them but couldn't set a time to do so; or people who came and wanted to come back at look again at something I was selling for $100, that they had stared at for 20 minutes earlier that day or wanted to snoop all through my house and make offers on everything but what I had listed for sale; people who sent a dozen texts confirming that they're coming, they're leaving the house now, then 2 hours later could they come at night instead, or next week, and could I hold it so that she could show her husband when he got back in town from a business trip.... Mostly people tended to buy things without any fuss, but the herding them to get them there to look at the stuff was painful.

[quote]What do you want them to do, send thank-you notes, or invite you for afternoon tea? Show whatever, answer their questions, send emails, and forget about it...if they're interested, they'll let you know.

Ew, what a smelly, disgusting attitude. Well, there it there it is, OP: the decline of western civilization!

R22 always whips out their antique fountain pen in order to send handwritten thank you notes on lightly scented stationery. with ample linen content.

I like the cut of your jib R11.

I just had a very close friend of 9 yrs get mad at me and ghost me. Upsetting and hurtful doesn’t even come close. I’m glad I’m not the kind of person who does that kind of shit to others.

Does everything need closure? If you've only been on a couple of dates, or went on one interview, or asked a few questions about an item for sale do you really need to tell the other party that you're no longer interested? Some might say it's good manners, other might say it's unnecessarily negative and the world has enough negativity. Plus if you say I'm not interested there's always the chance you will have to explain why (it's bc you're terrible Muriel!) and that is way more uncomfortable than just ignoring texts.

I may be a Millenial R23, but I have some standards and decency, unlike you. People have thoughts and emotions and they remember things, you know? Don't be such an asshole.

What R3 said. Of the 20 or so job interviews I’ve had over my lifetime, maybe only 2 or 3 have bothered to contact me to tell me I didn’t get the job and to provide feedback. But I’d venture most said they’d let you know either way.

[quote]do you really need to tell the other party that you're no longer interested? Some might say it's good manners, other might say it's unnecessarily negative and the world has enough negativity. Plus if you say I'm not interested there's always the chance you will have to explain why (it's bc you're terrible Muriel!) and that is way more uncomfortable than just ignoring texts

Sounds like you're trying to protect your own feelings, which leaves no room for you to consider someone else's. Yes, it matters. You've obviously never been ghosted before.

[quote]do you really need to tell the other party that you're no longer interested? Some might say it's good manners, other might say it's unnecessarily negative

No, what it is is unnecessarily mean. I pity anyone who enters into a relationship with you.

So many soft sad men on this thread! You probably got that way from sitting by the phone waiting for other people to make decisions about your life.

It's not ghosting if you're already a corpse.

R26, unpopular opinion, but sometimes I, too, prefer ghosting to “closure.”

I went on a date with a guy and once it was over, was pretty confident there would not be a second date. Still, a few days later when I heard there was a massive fire in his neighborhood, I texted to see if he was OK.

He said yes, and that he was not romantically interested in me because there was no chemistry. Fine and true, but not why I was getting in touch, and I didn’t need the explanation.

People are usually pretty simple. If they’re interested, they will let you know it. If they don’t get back to you, you know why.

[quote] Does everything need closure?

I believe we do need closure in order to put our full attention on moving on. There is this underlying premise in most people's lives that something, or someone, is "holding them back". And in a lot of cases that's because of lack of closure. Even the "Let's stay friends!" cop-out when ending a romantic relationship.

Some people are emotionally retarded

Ghosting has been going on forever. It just recently has been termed 'ghosting.' If you didn't hear back from somebody you just knew they were not interested even if it had been a close friend of many years. It could be very painful but to get the out and out rejection was even more so. In a business setting it is of course more professional to respond with some sort of we don't want you response.

Ghosting is trending

Nobody owes you anything, Grampa. If they "suddenly" go silent, it's not ghosting, they have just moved on.

R8 here. I'm a very chill, no pressure salesman. I answer questions and barely talk shit up, and that usually works out fine. But there is this type of buyer who acts enthused, has lots of questions via email or text, and then suddenly crickets. That's fine, too. It's when they get aggressive and imply I'm a shitty salesperson for not turning down a sale (to someone ready to buy-credit card in hand). This isn't all that common, but when it does happen, it's really annoying. They think because they "sold" themselves as a buyer, albeit one who doesn't make a purchase or closes the deal, or even responds to further information I have sent them, that I have a duty to pass up making a sale to someone else. If they whine about it, I ultimatly tell them "snooze/lose". Not quite so rudely.

Just move on by writing a letter to the person who ghosts you. Put all your emotional baggage into said letter and then burn the letter. That should help you to move on and forget all about that loser who really isn't worth the time and effort anyway.

For fuck's sake, I don't understand the "needing closure" camp.

If I'm showing an apartment I'm trying to rent I expect that more people will look at it than will rent. People will come look, leave saying "yeah, nice property, I'll think about it" and I will never hear from them again, nor expect to do.

I assume if someone is genuinely interested that they will express that interest pretty fucking emphatically, as with a deposit payment, or offer to complete an application then and there, or they ask if they could view the apartment by daylight in the morning and then put in an application assuming all looks good. That's decisiveness or strong interest. The multiple people who wander through and say as they leave, "Nice apartment, we'll think about it and let you know," I know that the "we'll let you know" means we'll let you know if we're interested, if we don't find something else better, if we really decide we want to move out of Mother's house after all. A text that they are no longer interested would be unexpected, a surprise, and an unnecessary if well-intentioned gesture.

What R40 said.

Yeah, that type of ghosting once was known as "don't call us, we call you".

Here's my take from personal experience:

Ghosting is a totally selfish and self-centered act, it has everything to do with the other person's feelings and nothing to do your own, at all, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I'm a Millennial who's dated other Millennials. I've been ghosted a few times, but the worst one was when my ex ghosted me after a 5 year relationship! 5 YEARS. Yes, our relationship was coming to an end at the time that he ghosted me, but we spent 3 incredible years together before that, we shared a lot of experiences and sort of grew up together, and during that time we argued maybe once or twice. We got along wonderfully, we even talked about getting married. Then, after he cheated on me, we began arguing, and after one too many, he just stopped answering my calls. Later, I found out that he was seeing some other guy with MY NAME. Hilarious.

And yes, it was extremely hurtful. Why? Because it's dehumanizing and objectifying. You feel less than human, like a mutant who is too unworthy of any emotional consideration. I can understand if it was just a few dates or a few months, but 5 years is a long time. And he just threw me away like a piece of trash, as if it all really counted for nothing. It seemed like he already fallen out of love with me and just decided to move on without giving me an opportunity to process that. That's what closure is, and why it matters. He just didn't want to deal with the emotional fallout. He didn't want to feel uncomfortable, like the poster above, so he just avoided it all completely.

Honestly, not only is it a cowardly, chicken shit way to go through life, but you are also much less respected by the people you leave behind. If you're in a relationship with an abusive person and you're worried about your safety or the safety of others, by all means ghost him. If you had a relationship with a decent, sane person who invested their own limited time with you in a reciprocal relationship though, you owe it to that person to break it off to their face. Don't be such a pussy.

This all happened a year ago, and it really bent me out of shape. It's very surreal and kinda traumatizing for awhile to just abandon someone who was still in love with you at the time you left. I honestly hope I never see him again. If I do, I would probably beat the shit out of him for treating me like that. Maybe then he'll remember that I'm still a human being with fists, and not a ghost. So if you want to leave bad blood behind and burn bridges, ghosting is a great way to achieve that! Just make sure that you'll never have to deal with that person ever again.

R21 I too sell online and I have a 3 email or text minimum . After that,I delete their email or text before I even read it. Weeds out the losers very quickly. Also,if they ask immediately if I can lower the price,punch and delete. I offer things way under reatail to begin with. They know it,I know it. To ask for a lower price is insulting. I think the Fraus must have read some handbook or something,cause they always try . As for ghosting, you catch on fairly quickly that your being ghosted,so why would you bother trying ? When I used to date,I never took someones number ,I gave them mine . If I didnt hear from them,too bad. I gues I took that forward into this world,I dont concern myself about itif theres no response or follow up.

R43, can I suggest there is a gap the size of the Pacific Ocean between what happened to you and OP's prospective sublessors not getting back to them.

But, r43, your situation is where ghosting is explainable (tho probably not "right"). Your ex knows any encounter with you will be negative, even though it was his fault. He might have to witness your sadness (that he caused), or you might even be confrontational. It's a lose/lose for him, hence the ghosting.

Like I said R46, don't ever expect to be cool with anyone that you ghost like that in the future. And don't expect that person to respect you, either. That's a bridge burner, a boner killer, and I'm not the only one who feels this way.

Grown-ass business people do it professionally, too. I've worked for membership organizations, where I was the staff liaison for committees. Many times, I'd send out a meeting invite for an event that had already been on people's calendars for months, and I'd ask them to confirm their attendance. Most could not be bothered to reply. And these were people who had jumped through hoops to serve on the committee.

One lady was infuriating. She joined the committee and was working closely with me on several projects. In the middle of our collaborations she stopped returning emails. I called her, and she wouldn't answer the phone. My messages went from "did you want to schedule our next project meeting?" to "Over the past few weeks, I've left you some emails and voicemails, but you haven't replied. Is everything OK?" to "Until I hear otherwise, I'm assuming you're still on the committee, so I'll keep copying you to all the emails and meeting invites."

We went to the same conference, and ended up in the same workgroup for a project. I chatted with her for several minutes, and when I mentioned my name in passing, a scared look came over her face. She didn't introduce herself. A few hours later, I figured out who she was, but she avoided me like the plague, and I didn't see her again. After the conference, she dumped me off her LinkedIn account. Why not just take two minutes to pick up the phone--or send an email--to say "Things have gotten busy at work, and I no longer have the time to dedicate to committee work. I'm sorry, but I have to resign from the committee." She was in her 50s, FFS.

Ugh, this is beyond rude and so dispespectful. Especially when everyone's on their fucking phone anyway, a quick "thanks, but can't make it" or whatever doesn't seem too much to ask. r47 a bridge burner indeed!

I mean "thanks, but can't make it" as a text. Surely there's some goddamn emoji for that?

Women I work with always be bitching about how people don't bother to reply to wedding invitations

The r43 / r47's of the world > the r46'es of the world.

You have my sympathies, R43. Sometimes we fall in love with good people who are gutless. One would like to think there is an adult accounting at the end of an important relationship but this rarely happens I think.

My only suggestion would be to write a note (in keeping with the "social distancing" theme) explaining that the relationship was important to you but given the breakup you don't want anything to do with him again. This ends it neatly for you and helps you turn the page, eventually.

Along with ghosting, the other interesting millennial phenomenon is an existential horror over the telephone call.

I am close to my niece, and tried to phone her numerous times as we were slowly climbing the wall during quarantine. No response, then after a month, a text: "I'll phone you next week" then nothing. I found out from her husband that she finds telephone calls stressful.

I can't tell you how strange I find it.

A woman I work with ghosts me in person. We go back and forth in a conversation when we're at our desks, then at some point, when I respond, she just stops talking and ignores me. Always leaves me hanging. Now I don't talk to her unless it's necessary.

Also people slide into my DMs or private messages, chat for weeks, then suddenly ghost me.

Maybe you're just a shitty, tiresome conversationalist R55.

R56 Since I recently found out she does it to everyone, maybe not. But thanks for the delightful insight.

[quote]I tried to accommodate her and she can't even bother to follow-up? What the fuck? Do these people think I just spend my life at their beck and call?

It's all based on chronic narcissism being combined with ADD which, between Millennials and GenZ with a smattering of Boomers, describes about 95% of Americans at this point.

People have been bred to be conflict-averse, so they don't know how to firmly say "no thanks." It's, like, super uncomfortable. Result: ghosting.

Conflict only manifests in tantrum or behind the veil of the internet (Twitter, online reviews, etc).

Personally, I'll follow up with something like OP's situation once if not interested. If the associate/whomever is insistent, I'd rather ghost than be my cunty self. Because people like that way fucking less.

Case in point: one day at work I get a cold call asking who makes the decision about our office water coolers. After briefly hearing her try to pitch this dumb water, I said we weren't interested in changing vendors, but thanked her for the call.

Peppy Pepper decided to go "Well, may I quickly ask who is your vendor?"

"Hinckley Springs."

"Well, isn't it cumbersome to have to lift those large 5 gallon jugs? Wouldn't it be easier t-"

"- it isn't NEARLY as cumbersome as taking this call right now." *click*

She actually had the gall to call back and complain to my colleague about my demeanor. Kids today can't handle harsh truths and are terrible at being honest because they fear rejection and conflict. Ghosting it shall be.

A lot of fellow posters are making something incredibly clear to me: ghosting has always been a part of society.

Craigslist strangers you were to meet that never showed up. Job interviews that never showed up. Friends you were supposed to meet but never showed, for one reason or another. HR departments that say "We'll let you know." and you never hear back from. Familiar faces that you haven't seen in a while, you run into and "We should get together soon!"

People never have intentions of meeting. As a millennial, I thought it was my generation. Nope, people of ALL ages do it, social media and the apps have made it more acceptable. It's not just Grindr, y'all.

R60, assholes may have always done it but it's your generation who is trying to make it acceptable. Big difference. You can do it but you're still an asshole if you do no matter how much you try to make everyone think it's just fine.

r3, we only respond to candidates of interest.

You can't pin ghosting on any one generation. It's always happened. Millennials just happened to be coming of age when we coined a term for it.

It's just easier and hence more common in the digital age, that's all.

R63 and others like him need to reread this quote:

[quote]assholes may have always done it but it's your generation who is trying to make it acceptable.

HISSSS!!!

WE BLAME EVERYTHING ON MILLENNIALS, WHO RANGE IN AGE FROM 0 TO 54!!!

WE ESPECIALLY BLAME THEM FOR OUR WRINKLES AND FOR GROWING UP IN A MORE TOLERANT WORLD!!!

HISSS!!!!

HISSSS!!!!

HISSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!

Those millemenials! The cause of everything I don't like.

Millennials are the first generation to come of age during the digitization of society. Social media and texting have also created a lot of issues with forthright communication. When Millennials collided with the Info Age, they were now automatically associated with all of its sins.

For the record, I am a Millennial too ...

OP was talking about replies to viewing apartments. If you queens want to make this about meeting people in general, then sure, I'll play.

Why is it usually all these elder gays on the apps that have pictures of themselves from 10+ years ago and their age posted incorrectly. Chat it up for a while, then when we meet in person you are not what I was led to believe. I surprisingly have no issues calling guys out and telling them to get lost, but do you do it so that I can't ghost you if I know what you really look like? Wouldn't ghosting save us both pain in this instance?

Professionally, ghosting has always seemed perfectly acceptable. As R40 said, it would be a bit unnecessary and there are other ways to differentiate serious intent. What R48 describes is also incredibly common. I don't know why millennials are being blamed so hard for this.

R54, this is something I work actively to overcome. Idk why but I do get slight anxiety over phone calls. The dawn of email has made quick phone calls seemingly obsolete, and us millennials stopped being socialized around phone calls once cellphones proliferated. There have been times when I have been looking for a phone number to get things done and I all can find is "Email us at:________@____.org"

R70, There was an illuminating DL discussion a few months ago about telephone calls and the general consensus of everybody under 40 was that phone calls were, in terms of discomfort and stress, only a little less difficult than the Holocaust or the Middle Passage. Just.

I text with younger people (I'm 50) but find that they drop you, suddenly, without explanation, as if they have been suffocated by a serial murderer.

For me, the occasional phone call is a pleasure. I'm a good conversationalist (which my niece is not) because I've had that training, I suppose. A phone call can give not only news but knowledge, encourages amusing anecdotes, blah, blah, blah.

What my niece, to use her again as an example, might like would be the occasional Facetime, though she prefers text with emojis, etc. Facetime replaces the verbal with the visual, and I've never had a real conversation using that bitch-ass technology.

IMO, "ghosting" refers to friendships and more long-term associations. If I were looking to sublet & didn't hear back, I'd just assume "not interested" and keep looking. You don't want to deal with rude and flakey people, anyway. You want someone who is going to pay their rent on time.

For job applications, I agree it's fucking rude to not even send an acknowledgment of receipt. But it's probably good, legally, in case you get sued for discrimination. ("Got lost in the mail," etc.)

I applied for a job. I actually knew the hiring boss (not well). Never heard back. I do think I was at least minimally qualified. I live in a small community, so, IMO, that was fucking rude. That hiring boss was somebody that I was kind to when she was feeling insecure about her job (she wasn't the boss at the time).

Yes, it happens a lot now. I think that many folks younger than 35 have poor social interaction skills. Happens all the time when I put items for sale or free on Nextdoor, for example. Five people might reply immediately that they're interested, I reach out, and never hear back.

yes, OP.

I have talked to many under 30s and this is standard practice for all of them to ghost people. No one chats on the phone anymore, texting is all you got. And once they are done with you you will never hear from them again. That's just the way it is, grampas. And NO they don't owe you fossils anything.

Who else would rather NOT hear back from r75?

Like, when you go into a shop, pick up a jacket, look at it, put it back on the hangar, and leave, are you obliged to find the shopkeeper to tell him you definitely won't be back to buy them? Or in that context do we all understand what window shopping is?

Time for a little more emotional resilience?

People around 30 chat you “on demand“ - meaning if they need something, are bored, they are waiting for something, driving and need to kill time etc. Older folks misinterpret random contacts as something more than that, as if they are contacting you because they are genuinely invested in your well being and reaching out.

I’ve started letting random texts “sit” and respond later. Then when I don’t get a response either immediately or later, I know where I stand. More often than not I just end up deleting the original text.

R73, that happened in the past, too, only it was called other things, "flakes, flakers, flaking out," or simply "wankers" or "time wasters."

And it's quite a different thing than ghosting where someone finds that the guy you thought you were dating for two months, the one you had hotel reservations with for the upcoming long weekend suddenly avoids all contact and goes "quiet" with no explanation and an obvious wish to be left alone due to some change of mind.

But the not following up on some giveaway item on Next Door...unless they asked specifically for you to be home at a certain time and then stood you up, that doesn't approach "ghosting," no more that what people have done for decades when they get three estimates from three plumbers to install plumbing to a new basement apartment. The two guys who don't get the job are only going to be confused if you contact them to say that you "went with another firm.'

If I look at an apartment or a house, I do not consider it necessary to get back to the realtor unless I've expressed an interest while there or they have gone to some extraordinary lengths and inconvenience to show the place to me. Generally I thank them for their time when I leave and will say something like "I am looking at a few more listings and if this one is my favorite I will get in touch."

My observation is that texting or emailing gives one a completely distanced, nonconfrontational way to be polite and respond with a decline of services, offer of a job, decline of an opportunity to view an apartment or to have a second date, by just typing 5 words or fewer: "No thanks," "Something's come up," "We are not a match," "We decided on someone else."

It is the bare minimum to be civil and it is ZERO confrontation. If someone responds with questions and heated emotions, THEN decline to reply.

OP here. I would like to explain the exchange at r9 with rough timestamps (this was via email):

11:59 Interested Subletter: Can I come see the apartment this week?

12:05 Me : Sure, does Thursday work for you?

12:07 Interested Subletter: Is there any way I could see it sooner?

12:10 Me: How about tomorrow afternoon or Wednesday morning before 11:00?

Interested Subletter: [Never heard from again, even after a follow-up email the next morning.]

Again. WTF?

As much as I dislike Michel Houellebecq (he's better than R75, though) I have to admit he was prescient in his novel Atomized. And when he wrote it there was no texting.

OP, it could have been worse. He could have scheduled a time to meet you and then not shown up.

OP, better you find out now that someone is a flake. This is somebody you'll be collecting rent from.

R83 what is the essence of what he says in Atomized?

R86 For Houellebecq, modern life renders us isolated, alone, perverse: what he calls particulate.

I myself would differ (if I ever wrote a novel) and argue that modern life has made us radically protective about our "selves" -- whatever ourselves are, which isn't much. Rather than cultivating ourselves within social conversation, we protect ourselves from any possible contaminate, we are vulnerable, tired. Only immediate family is allowed in, and even then.

r87 must type "dominate" when what he means is "dominant."

All you gay dinos need to STFU and watch some more Golden Girls. No one else gives a fuck about any of your obsolete designs.

More and more in the professional sphere. Not professional.

[quote]I text with younger people (I'm 50) but find that they drop you, suddenly, without explanation, as if they have been suffocated by a serial murderer.

This. I've had to get used to text exchanges just stopping. Might be for ten or forty minutes, might be for days. No explanation, no apology. Micro-ghostings designed I suppose to keep me in my place.

Others of the same sort of age or younger are adept at ending chats with an X or an emoji. Much better than that tedious ambiguity of above.

Keeps you alert, I suppose, and such variations in text manners are a goodish indicator of the personalities involved.

I hate texting. I forget text exchanges. I must be a ghoster. I don't mean anything by it. I just run out of things to say.

R83/R87 fascinating. Your post really hit me where I live. Now I want to read some Houellebecq - where is a good place to start?

Speaking as a frequent ghoster, my POV is that I’m making a choice to spare the other person the agony and tedium of my company, or the weight of my impaired function and decision-making. I get depressed sometimes and right now my life hasn’t been going well, so I don’t want to inflict myself upon innocent people who just want ease and calm in their lives.

Also similarly to R92, I often lack the energy, motivation, and even memory power to keep up message exchanges, which makes sense when you consider the role of the diminished hippocampus in depression. It breaks my heart that my inability to respond to written or verbal conversations is taken as a personal slight when it’s never intended that way, but even being honest with people sometimes isn’t considered a good enough explanation for my silences. All I can do is apologise, and try to schedule myself to have forced conversations.

I’ve gone through these cycles since I was around 15, so as you can imagine I don’t have too many people left in my life. But it’s better that way, because at least then I don’t have to live with more guilt and pity as well as every other painful emotion.

r77 your analogy really doesn't work. It's more like asking a salesperson to check in the back for a certain size and then leaving the store before they return.

Puff-boy Brian nails the mental capacity and mannerisms of brain-dead clueless Millennials here. The dinos have absolutely no reason to engage these brainless clueless turds. So dinos, just fuck em and then toss em in the trash cuz that is all they are.

R93 I enjoyed Submission a lot. You need to be in the right frame of mind though. His novels are very dark.

R95, who is the other guy?

Later, GTG or even BRB is better than just hosting. This way you don't keep the other person hanging. That is rude and I'm sure no one likes that done to them. So why do it to others?

Many older people tend to look at texts and messaging as a series of questions and responses, problems and solutions. It's resolution driven.

Many younger people tend to look at texts and messaging as a non-linear series of "heys." Hey, I thought of you when I saw this. Hey, remember the time... Hey, there's a thing at the park on Tuesday. Hey, John said you might go to the party late. All less centered on questions and responses, problems and solutions. It's more about sharing a laugh or a bit of information, not so much about resolution.

If an older person hears a ping on his hone charging in the next room he may get up in the middle of the night to see that someone has shared some stupid photo with him. It wasn't sent to him at 4:30 in the morning because it was an emergency or in the least important, it was sent then because that's when the sender saw the photo and thought he would send it on. Younger people sift through their messages when they sift through them, maybe not the first thing in the morning, or maybe they look at one favored platform of messages that they share with their closest friends first and only later get around to other types of texts and calls and shared videos and emails, almost never, unless someone sends a message to say they've sent an email.

Short version: many older people invest more meaning in individual messages of one sort or another than younger people who tend more to see them as a continuum.

Some of us don't have a choice.

[quote]If an older person hears a ping on his hone charging in the next room he may get up in the middle of the night to see that someone has shared some stupid photo with him. It wasn't sent to him at 4:30 in the morning because it was an emergency or in the least important, it was sent then because that's when the sender saw the photo and thought he would send it on.

I get up because it wakes me up and I realize I have to piss. So I look at the phone on my way back to bed. And yes, usually it's some stupid pic from this dumbass friend of mine. He's 61, btw. He sends me non-sequitur, context free pics constantly. I had to tell him he had to tell me why he's sending it if he was going to continue. That cut down on it a lot. Not completely, but a lot.

R99 you make interesting observations. I rather think even then the etiquette would depend on the topic and purpose of discussion particularly if work related.

OT but it used to drive me fucking nuts that my ex-boss/manager - who incidentally grifted me and broke the law to endanger my life - refused to use messaging to communicate with me, and insisted on calling me about every tiny thing at any hour of the day or night.

Like a Baby New Year m, I assumed either had extreme technophobic or early-onset dementia or something, because even being gently coached and coaxed she would not even look at or touch the text function on her phone or an internet browser. She was aged about 58, so of course can’t get away with the old-age excuse. She just didn’t want a paper-trail leading back to er crimes.

So, learn from my mistake, and consider avoidance of messaging as much a red flag as dependence on it.

You all fucking failed...no one was supposed to reply to the thread...

R93 And yet you wrote such a log post defending why you don't answer people with a couple of sentences.

R104...LOLOL. Brilliant.

😂😂😂 r104