I think I envy my son to the point I can't be in the same room with him (a gay dad coming out?)

One word: cowardice. It’s really that simple. That was his only test in life and he blew it (or didn’t, actually).

I suspect my father is bisexual. To be honest I wouldn't want him to say it out loud. That's the kind of thing I as a son don't want to hear. The closeted dad from reddit should really just leave his wife and start a new life. You can still do it at 53. Just move on, leave your wife without telling her why if that's too painful. Then again since they grew up in an extremely homophobic environment the guy at least had a good reason to stay quiet all these years.

ESTs are not a DL thing only, btw.

Reddit ESTs are worse than Datalounge ESTs.

Roughly a third of the gay men I know well strongly suspect their fathers were closeted.

My father had several Playgirl magazines in his otherwise straight porn stash.

Utter lack of empathy and historical awareness by R1.

Agreed, R6.

Yep, r1 thinks he knows the meaning of like and what test awaits each of us.

When I was in high school I was terrified of my dad. He was just a mean man. We had a dog who was older and she would sleep on my mom and dad's bed while we were gone. I came home one day and found she had peed their bed. I freaked out because I knew my dad would have my dog killed. I decided to flip the mattress and re-make the bed before they got home. When I picked it up, there was a huge 12 inch dildo under my dad's side of the bed.

Nobody believes you OP.

Why doesn’t he even consider coming out?

[quote]the meaning of like

Hey, I know that one!

R6, r7, r8, he didn’t have to ruin the life of another human, his wife. He could’ve stayed a bachelor. So don’t talk about enpathy to me.

The same cowardice reeks from your posts as well.

Someone's butt hurt, r13?

[quote]So don’t talk about enpathy to me.

Since no such word exists, I won't.

R9, he probably used it on your mom.

What a story...everything but the Stasi snappin’ at his rear end!

His poor wife. I get that he had it really hard but he managed to ruin her life, too.

R9, did your dad find out something was off? A person could tell when something is off in their bedroom. You didn't use the dildo, did you?

R1 who are you to judge? This is such a sad story.

I hope he finds some happiness. Because this is a very sad note OP posted.

And again the lack of historical awareness on top of the trademark American woke sanctimoniousness of R13. .

He gave the woman kids and he's old fashioned so he probably pays for all of her food and shelter. How did he ruin her life?

Isn't this just the plot to 'Call Me By Your Name'?

0/10, Erna.

Not anymore, r24.

There's nothing an old bottom hates more than a young bottom.

He appears to be reacting just like the women who resent and hate their teenage daughters do. Competition.

r9 so - yeah I thought that too but they got divorced and I got up the nerve to ask her about it. She was shocked. She only told me 'Your dad was into some weird shit," and that was it.

I also grew up in a then-communist country and I agree with R1.

How is it cowardice? He reached out to the guy and was rejected. That can break a heart forever, especially if you feel the romance has been a treasured, once-in-a-lifetime thing that simply couldn't happen again. Obviously he didn't want to be gay with just anyone but with the love of his life.

[quote] Obviously he didn't want to be gay with just anyone

You're retarded.

R3: One difference I've noticed between DL and Reddit is that DL is able to quickly determine if someone is an EST because the OP is expected to clarify inconsistencies. On Reddit, posts will receive hundreds or thousands of upvotes (especially if a "straight" guy is involved) before people start questioning what they're reading. And usually by the time it's clear the OP was full of shit, they've taken their karma and peaced out.

He ruined her life by not giving her the chance to experience love or a true relationship.

Or the joys of being married to a feckless, alcoholic thug, R34. What are the odds either way.

Don't know if I believe this story or not, but it would make for a decent movie on the Here channel.

I don’t understand the reaction. Why anger and resentment instead of being happy that his son, for whom he feels love, will have more freedom? Doesn’t ring true.

[quote] He ruined her life by not giving her the chance to experience love or a true relationship.

Maybe she just wanted kids and a paycheque.

The text seems too drawn out - and what's with adding in how much he has saved for his sons to live without working? What does that have to do with anything?

53 is still relatively young. There's more to the story here - IF IT IS TRUE, then I doubt he had just one guy who he made out with and that was it.

But I don't believe it's true - it is worded very strangely and the author tries to brush it off by saying he's not a native English speaker. That's an old trick.

Half of this sounds like the plot to this book I read about a gay couple in communist Poland.

Reddit has been increasing the amount of family strife fake ests.

I don’t know what the point of them are but they emphasize family fractures along trendy fault lines (step siblings, mother daughter/ father son)

They are so obviously fake and creepy. I don’t get the angle but it’s some kind of propaganda.

[quote]Maybe she just wanted kids and a paycheque.

A heterosexual husband would seem like a reasonable request.

The psychotherapy-related subreddits have some good ESTs:

"And again the lack of historical awareness on top of the trademark American woke sanctimoniousness of R13."

Using "woke" as an insult is for sanctimonious American Republicans

Was this is not the film “the lost language of the cranes“?

tl/dr

Try to tell a more succinct story, OP. We haven't got another 53 years here!

If this particular story is an EST, then there's some guy somewhere that has lived it out. Many guys.

That's how gay men live in places where coming out is impossible, where life offers them nothing but risking their lives for a little furtive passion, or fear and loneliness, or giving up, conforming, and living for their work and kids. That's the reality of human existence, the majority of human beings live without some basic need being fulfilled.

R47 - that's why there are higher searches for 'is my husband gay' in Republican and religious US states. Also higher rates of searches for free gay porn and other gay searches.

I like Yossi & Jagger better.

He specifically states that he does not return his wife's attempts at affection or to have a "normal" relationship.

r31

"But then again I had died inside a long time ago, when I married my wife I killed all my emotions and slowly forgot what it was like to actually FEEL something. I only felt strong love for my children. My wife and I have a completely loveless marriage as a result of my inability to respond to any of her feelings in a normal way."

Yup, poor guy, he was forced to do that to her life. Probably gaslighting her like crazy. No cowardice at all.

R50 He’s probably cold to her, that’s what I got from that part. Why not make the best of the situation and at least have a friendship together? Sure would make life better for him and his family.

He seems very self centered, it’s all about him.

I've said this before. I know a guy who I swear is deeply closeted, he's been married "to my best friend" forever and has kids, and is an official in his church. If I'm right and he really is closeted then he's made his peace with it, and he really seems happy enough with his life. He and his wife are fond of each other and have fun together, he loves his kids, his family and church approve of him, he's proud of his work, etc. Maybe he's missed out on some of the best things in life, such as true passion fulfilled, but honestly, he seems happier than most men in late middle age.

So if fate or homophobic laws force a person into the closet then maybe life could be okay, if they marry a real friend, but the man quoted by the OP didn't do that and he's got nothing. The odds are it's too late for him to find love, and who knows whether they can afford to get divorced.

My Great Uncle George was a Gay guy in Brooklyn at the turn of the 20th century. He used to go to what his niece referred to as “fairy balls” in Manhattan.

He got engaged to a woman, who scandalized the family by returning the engagement ring in a violin case. I wish I knew the story behind that. He fought in the fields of France in WWI. He later married another woman, who’s sister was terribly worried that she’d otherwise be “an old maid”. No children. My Dad was Best Man at the wedding. Apparently, his sexuality was no secret within the adults of his family, though I don’t know what his wife knew. And I think most people were even more clueless about what it means to be Gay, then, than even now.

People make accommodations all their lives. Not everybody marries their first and only love. I wish the father in the story assured his son of his love and pride in him. As for the wife, that’s more complicated. Having a lifelong companion is a special thing, too, even without a sexual component. Lots of people everywhere value that, and come to some kind of “understanding”.

Why would anyone believe something they read on Reddit?

When will conservative parents understand that an anti-gay stance doesn't lead to fewer gays amongst them, but to more closet gays in their own daughters' marriages?