Serious question about FAS in adulthood

i had an ex that had FAS eyes. His mother loved GIN AND TONICS. slight mongoloid eyes, but he really was sexy in a way. always got hit on(and never said no)

I thought people with FAS had cognitive delays

R2. So did I. But he is articulate and accomplished. But every single physical attribute of FAS is there.

R1 here oh and he had some ADD and other cognitive delays as well, but great in the sack.

Why on earth would you care - if he has made it to this successful point in life? If he's a nice guy, and you find him attractive, why would unique features really matter? I'm not asking that in a prick way, I'm asking legitimately - why you care? He's obviously not functionally limited, or it would be unlikely he'd have been successful thus far.

You should ask him up front, so he'll know how much this potential "flaw" means to you. Let him see the real you!

If he is as high functioning as you say then FAS is doubtful. It sounds more likely that he simply happens to have features that some with FAS have.

I did not k ow how to pose my question without sounding insensitive. I like him a lot. I just have no experience with it whatsoever. Googling provides scant information and paints a dire scenario in adulthood. And I am not going to ask him about it. We have talked about our families a lot and he willingly describes his mother as a heavy drinker.

I truly am not trying to get anything started here. If you are, please move along. Just wondering what experiences — good or bad — other DL people might have had.

I'm curious why this matters, OP. I'm also not trying to start anything. You've described him as highly functioning. If he had some issues, it's unlikely he'd have been successful. So, either you're creating something that isn't true, or it's so mild it hasn't affected him. In either case, it seems like it doesn't matter. If things progress into something serious, there will likely be a way to bring it up down the road. You'll have plenty of time to get to know him, without some medical diagnosis.

I'm assuming you haven't seen photos of his parents? Perhaps these are simply genetic traits. Either way, I hope you don't get stuck on this.

The only way to know for sure is to ask his mother, preferably over a family dinner. Just be straightforward, no beating around the bush : " I've noticed your son has fetal alcohol features. Did you drink while pregnant with him?".

He’s probably asking people how to tell if someone you’re dating is mentally “not all there” and how to bring it up casually in a conversation.

Anyone have a photo of what FAS looks like?

I don’t think your a jerk for asking, OP.

You’re

R12.

You may not be a jerk for asking this OP, but I’m left wondering like the others what is the big deal? If he’s as functional as you reassure us he is, and you’re already fucking, are you still dwelling on his physical features?

Clearly he’s not dwelling on the same, given your unsightly moles, scoliosis and grey tooth.

That's a snaggletooth, R16!

WW for R10, and don't forget to film it for us OP!

R13. Thx. R16. No physical intimacy yet at this point. Been getting to know each other during these crazy times. But we both want to pursue this further.

R16. Why so that?

OP is an idiot. There is some weird obsession amongst a few piece of shit DataLoungers regarding FAS

There are over 15 threads about this topic. OP is a loser troll, ignore him

Fuck you r21. Seriously. Fucking one question on this site, asked out of honesty, and you fucking crucify me. Eat a fucking uterus. Seriously. Why can’t one thread, with an honest question, not be hijacked? I hate it when assholes do this.

EST and OP (r22) sounds unhinged

This woman on 90 day fiancé gives me FAS vibes

Why does it matter? It’s not like you have to worry about passing on bad genes. If you like him than just go with it.

R23. Nah. Not est. not unhinged. Just wanted some possible insights. Keep bringing others down with your negativity though. Seems to work for you. Fucking hell. Why does one question here always end up with drama and invictives? I will never get that. Yeah I know “bitchiness” etc. But every fucking time???

OP, ignore the church ladies scolding you in this thread. You have every right to be concerned about a potential partner's health status for your own personal mental, emotional, physical, and financial reasons. You need to ask yourself if you have the internal resources to deal with potential physical and mental problems in your future spouse, and if you are able to financially support that person as you get older.

If he said that his mother likes to drink a lot while sporting an FAS look, then it's safe to say that he probably has FAS. Just because he is high functioning, it doesn't mean that he doesn't have other problems dealing in other areas. Now, you need to ask yourself if you are capable of dealing with his medical issues as he gets older, because any condition you have just gets worse as you age. Think about it.

*Just because he is high functioning, it doesn't mean that he isn't dealing with other problems in other areas.

Can't you get a job as a night janitor at his primary care physician's office, and rummage through the files after hours to check his medical history?

R27. Thanks. Appreciate that. Nowhere near thinking about long term at this point. Perhaps, maybe? He’s a great guy. I posted this because googling only brings up dire conditions. Thanks for chiming in.

[quote] Fucking hell. Why does one question here always end up with drama and invictives?

"Pointless Bitchery" open your mongoloid eyes OP.

[quote] OP, ignore the church ladies scolding you in this thread. You have every right to be concerned about a potential partner's health status for your own personal mental, emotional, physical, and financial reasons. You need to ask yourself if you have the internal resources to deal with potential physical and mental problems in your future spouse, and if you are able to financially support that person as you get older.

Anyone who's that obsessive and controlling is in worse shape than anyone with FAS.

There were numerous thoughtful answers here, OP.

R30 No problem. The PC brigade loves to dominate other people in any way they can. They're former high school bullies. Even though outright bullying isn't socially acceptable anymore, they still do it but now it's under the guise of "fighting injustice". They're now crybullies. They're still bullies, they've just changed tactics.

How do you know R30? He isn't just some FWB, is he? If you're going invest in a relationship, you should be thinking long term. You're sharing pieces of your life with this other person, after all.

R32 If you fall in love with someone who has health problems, I think that it stands to reason that you'll be dealing them, too. There's nothing wrong with considering your own self-preservation.

Back in the late 70s I befriended 'Kate' who had a son name 'Danny'. Kate was a bit if a wild one, but very fun-witted, and we hit it off working at our local schlocky department store. At 18, I never lived outside my home, so we decided to become roommates. We had a blast. She could drink, some weed, take some qualudes, and still be fun. She loved to get drunk. She liked to date around, and I often got to baby sit little Danny, and grew to love him, and he l seemed to love me as well. He was very bright for his age, and I got him to do do his abc's and count to ten, at around 1 and 3/4 years old. But he had some issues. He HATED to go to sleep at night, and would wale unmercifully. Also, he didn't like to eat anything. He was pasty white, with dark baggy circles under his eyes. If you made him eat something he didn't like, he would just throw up. I was with him and his mom til he was around 3, and she met some abusive lowlife, and moved away. I would visit then periodically to score some weed, but little Danny was just sullen, and did not reach out to me in the loving way he did when we lived together.

Several years later, I was watching a 20/20 Friday episode. It featured FAS. I started to watch it, and started crying. The episode had children of FAS in a playground. They all looked similar, with mongoloid like features. It was a playground of FAS kids, kids similar in features like from the movie Children of the Damned. And they all looked like my Danny. They were reviewing the psychological and mental traits these children could have. No empathy for others, and they could become serial killers, or chronic delinquents. But they could function, and be bright. Danny's mom died eventually, and I recently found the sister on Facebook. There was a link to Danny, and I was grateful to see he was contributing to society, married with a child. I think of him often and our special time we had together, singing the ABC song.

I have not studied FAS, so I am assuming there can be adjustment hello for them, to avoid the serial killer/delinquent path. It sounds like my Scotty best those odds, and your new acquaintance has. Go slow, and read up on it. Maybe he'll bring it up, and then you can discuss it. Maybe he's not aware. Time will tell.

Ask him if he likes blue.

What is FAS?

Geez, you people asking "why does it matter?" "why does it matter?" as if you've NEVER been curious about the personal mysteries of people you might want to date or have relationships with.

OP, imo you are doing NOTHING WRONG by wondering if this guy has FAS and how to go about finding out in a tactful way.

He's already given you a hint by mentioning that his mom is a drinker. Maybe next time that comes up, ask him leading questions like "how long has she been drinking," "when did it start" and "how has it affected you" if he's willing to talk about his upbringing, etc. (which are NORMAL things people discuss with new friends and romance partners). He may just tell you himself without having to ask him outright.

Good luck! And come back and tell us when you find out.

OP, are you a man or a woman?

Either way, I think it's legit to be wanting to know. I would want to know.

However, if you're a man and not planning to have a bio baby with this guy, then it's less important.

I do think addiction problems are genetic and that's what I'd be worried about.

[quote]What is FAS?

Fat Ass Syndrome.

Thanks, R41, I knew it was something gross.

Did you find out yet, OP?

Hi 43. No. Not yet. Seeing him Friday. He drinks a lot. And since my first post we have spoken a lot on phone. He is great. A few odd things. But we are all odd. Dunno where it goes.

OP, successful FAS executives also shoot massive massive cum loads. Its one of the grown up symptoms. Also they can suffer from priapism combined with narcolepsy. Apparently they can fall asleep when inside you and their hefty cocks get even larger and then when they cum they perforate your colon, which will ruin your sex life for at least a year, if not permanently. Otherwise, nice gents. Enjoy!

What is FAS? Can someone please enlighten a non-American who's familiar with all the American psycho babble shit?

R46 fetal alcohol syndrome. A disorder caused by excessive prenatal exposure to alcohol.

Fetal Alcohol Syndrome

Fat Ass Syndrome. It's epidemic.

OP Does his dick have any of the tell-tale FAS symptoms? FAS dicks love to drink, and will sop up their own cum thinking it's a Sloe Gin Fizz.

r36 I never believe stories on here when the poster gives people in these stories fake names. No one gives two fucks. "I knew a woman and she had a son" would have been fine. Or, just leave off the quotation marks around the names, it's not like these people are going to chase you down on an anonymous board.

Another reason I tend not to believe these kinds of stories is how "Danny" turned into "my Scotty" by the end of your tired tale.

R44 / OP be sure to ask him directly so you can get to the bottom of this potential major flaw (unless you're one who sabotages all of your relationships by using some odd excuse).

I have small eyes and a thin upper lip!

Mom!?

[quote] He drinks a lot.

Regardless if he has FAS, proceed with extreme caution.