Let’s Be an Olivia Cruise!

I’m the Softball Lounge

I’m the complimentary nutloaf in each room.

I’m Dot, dreaming about what Lesbos will be like

I’m all the ladies that get rescued from this cruise on crappy tugboat that sinks in the middle of the ocean.

*^ Black lesbian version of Gilligan’s Island

I'm the promenade deck where many a sister will spend the night on a deck chair.

I'm the basketball tournament and softball pitch speed competitions.

Brought to you by SUBARU. And unfortunately, no, Martina could not make an appearance.

I’m the first drunken argument/brawl on the dance floor

I’m the KD Lang cardboard standee in the gift shop.

I'm the pop-up cane seller - Lido deck, room 313. I've got all the newest designs and fashions to suit your cane needs.

Shhh...it's not a "formally recognized" vendor by the cruise line.

Free Xena Warrior Priincess VHS or DVD with each purchase!

I’m Phranc, and I’ll be performing nightly (and selling signed CDRs of my latest album I copied on my home computer) for 9.99 after each show.

I’m the non bio female passengers who are treated with begrudging acceptance.

I'm the 'anger management' counsellor.

I’m the Billie Jean King Ballroom and Sports Center.

I do NOT feel included - at ALL. Time to write another article....

I give the TERFs the chance to accept me and praise me - but they didn't do that at ALL. The cis women stayed with cis women!

I’m the Painting Our Vaginas in Watercolor class on the promenade deck. Bring a hand mirror.

R15 is Frida Kahlo after she was buried in the Pet Sematary.

I’m the all you can eat Oyster Bar and Sushi restaurant.

I’m the gunt, a common physical feature among passengers. I’m skillfully covered by a large fanny pack.

I’m the aligning of everyone’s menstrual cycle.

I'm Ellen. I'm staying in a first class cabin suite. You are not allowed to look at me or approach me.

I’m Portia, banished to the crew quarters.

I’m the jealous glances and passive aggressive comments

I’m the onboard gym. I’m empty the entire time

Poetry readings and interpretative dance at 8 each night in the cocktail lounge.

We're the cleaning crew. We can't figure out why we have to keep cleaning the urinals.

For the non bio females and she-wee users

I’m the max weight capacity being tested.

I’m the boat lurching sideways when lunch buffet is announced and all the ladies head to the dining room at the same time.

I’m the shipwreck victim struggling in the ocean.

Oh, wait. It’s a man.

Sail on by.

I’m the capri pants.

I'm the "Sorry - We Ran Out" sign over the double-dildo display in the gift shop.

I’m the whale these broads keep ogling. I’m not in the ocean.

I’m mass camel toes and lots of pubic hair sticking out of bathing suits in the crotch area, giving the illusion of a trapped spider.

I’m the battery section in the gift shop, which stocks hundreds of batteries at a huge markup.

I’m the line dancing classes at noon.

I'm a gay man in my 60s. I once met a lesbian but I've read a lot about them on Datalounge so I am going to post a bunch of cliche stereotypes about them in this thread.

Nutloaf, Subarus, Flannel, U-Hauls and Unshaven Vagine will all be in there. Humorlessness too.

Yes because were all on this thread to document real events 🥴

Lighten up, cliche uptight humorless DL lesbian

I'm all the little fishies swimming in the ocean wondering, 'what the fuck is that smell?' as the ship sails by.

You’re really helping to prove the humourlessness, R37.

I’m the butch duo who insist on holding hands even though it’s crowded and busy in deck. You will be forced to walk around us.

R41 don’t forget the intentionally sloooooow gait as if they were in the middle of the forest instead of a public pedestrian area

I’m Fran again, farting myself awake In the morning as the strap-on falls to the floor with a rubbery thump.

Where did the love of my life go? I sure hope this one comes back voluntarily. At least on this ship she can’t get away or file a restraining order.

I’m the gay BFF of a lesbian passenger that “accidentally” falls overboard when it’s discovered he once made jokes about lesbian stereotypes on DL.

I’m the mobility scooter traffic jam at the entrance of the buffet restaurant

I'm the custom dental dams with the Olivia logo embossed on them. On sale right now in our Gift Shoppe, Deck 5.

I’m the fun lesbian nautical t-shirts

I'm the two or three non-whites onboard being pushed to the front of the brochure.

I'm everyone dressed like the one of the right.

Everyone.

I'm the relative lack of grifting compared to a certain now cancelled womyn's music festival.

I'm the scrambled tofu and textured vegetable protein rashers served at the breakfast buffet.

I’m one of the poorly maintained Subaru’s waiting patiently in the parking lot for the ship to return

Olivia cruises attract a slightly more affluent, and slightly less insane demographic than Michfest.

I'm the well worn lawn chairs and coolers filled with Coors Lite, inexplicably brought along because it's not a lesbian vacation without lawn chairs and coolers of Coors Lite!

I’m the board shorts.

I’m chronic dumpiness that follows lesbians around like the dust cloud around Pigpen on Peanuts.

I’m the fist-fight.

R53 is correct. What is being described here is the Michfest crowd. Those gals were begging online for gas money to get there. They are not taking cruised down the Danube.

Think Suse Orman-looking clones.

I’m the diesel dyke that demands to speak to the Captain when an employee unintentionally refers to her as sir. This kind of homophobia will not be tolerated!

I’m the salon that only offers a flat rate for the same color rinse/pixie cut.

Fish? Do I smell FISH???

I’m this ultimate lesbian tattoo exposed for all the world to admire.

[quote] Those gals were begging online for gas money to get there.

Not that they couldn’t afford it. But why pay when you can come up with an elaborate story about you HAVE to visit The Land before you die?

Is the Isle of Lesbos a lesbian Mecca?

R64 The isle of Lesvos is now full of thousands of refugees from the middle east living in abject poverty.

[quote] I’m the aligning of everyone’s menstrual cycle.

I'm giggling repeated references to this occurrence made every five minutes on the Lido deck!

I am cilantro. I have been expressly forbidden on board this cruise. Even so, the steward and the servers in the dining room will field multiple questions about my dreaded presence every night.

I am "Elizabeth Warren 2020" t-shirts that still proliferate even though she is no longer running.

I'm the Indigo Girls muzak in the elevator.

And the actual Indigo Girls in the Moldie Oldies Music Line-up.

Don't forget the XXXL Amy for America t-shirts, R68.

Tonight, in the main deck lounge, you will be entertained by the fabulous singer, WING.

I'm Steve Grand. My agent thought this might be a great gig.

I feel completely unloved, unappreciated and unwanted.

On a shore stop, a couple of the young, healthy ones go kayaking. They are not that kind of "fur traders" in a canoe.

[quote] Olivia Cruise

Is she Tom's new beard?

I'm the silence my partner gives me because she thinks she caught me looking at the blond in the green tank top dancing by herself in the corner. I will steadfastly refuse that I was watching her because I was pretty sure that she wouldn't notice me looking because she herself was practically drooling at the gal in the teal shorts who, by the way, happens to be a dead ringer for her ex gf that she broke up with the month before we took this stupid cruise that I never wanted to go on in the first place because I just started a new job and didn't want to use up all my pto.

I'm Lesbian Bed Death.

I'm lurking just off in the distance.

I’m the medical crew on high alert for dance floor drug overdoses because we were told this was a gay cruise. We won’t be needed.

[quote]I’m the Painting Our Vaginas in Watercolor class on the promenade deck. Bring a hand mirror.

Okay, listen up gays, our vagina paintings require layers, substance, and depth. They are done it oils!!

[quote]I’m one of the poorly maintained Subaru’s waiting patiently in the parking lot for the ship to return.

Oh, you silly silly gays, do you even know any lesbians? Poorly maintained?? POORLY?!? Pfft. Even the lipsticks know their way around a dipstick!

I'm the WNBA jerseys.

I’m hairy armpits and any excuse to raise my arms to show them off

I’m Margaret Cho, gathering material for my next stand up special.

I’m the ship’s lost and found - crates full of an arsenal of unclaimed dildos and vibrators found under furniture and wedged between beds and the wall in rooms throughout the ship.

Sometimes at night..you might hear a quiet humming...as some turn on by themselves...😱

I’m a discussion about thigh gaps and if they really exist since no one had ever seen one.

I'm Captain Sandy, the obvious choice to sit at the helm.

I’m the tacky dyke that jokingly asks the waiter for a “furburger with a side of tits” when ordering from the menu. The other ladies at the table are mortified, giving each other knowing glances as the dyke laughs hysterically.

I am the U-Haul sponsored emergency boats. You may use us once you've met the woman of your dreams and decided to ditch your entire life to join her in Oregon

I’m cute sassy t-shirts. Unfortunately they only come in XL and XXL.

I’m the winner of the sexiest cankles contest.

I’m the complimentary gift bag given to each passenger.

DLers: Please add something to the gift bag!

I’m glazed gingerbread vulva cookies

For the gift bag: the waterproof shark vibrator!

I’m the guest author for empowered literary lesbians

I’m the $75 Goop “This Smells Like My Vagina” candles, which are featured in all gift shops, as well as in each cabin as a welcome aboard gift.

R92 Ms Paltrow will Also be doing a guided vaginal steaming as an exclusive pay-per-view event Saturday afternoon.

The more you know.....

For the gift bag; the finger shell vibrator

Womon overboard!!

I'm Madge and I'm on board to wash the virginas'.

I’m the DL lesbians ready to tell anyone who laughs that it’s NOT FUNNY!

I’m the fight that has ensued before the ship has even left port.

Where are you all getting the idea that lesbians are fighting all the time? Never heard that stereotype.

I’m the nutloaf crumbs in all the beds

I’m the popular ‘Introduction to Vagina Steaming’ workshops held in the atrium each morning.

Lesbians as a rule don’t fight, but with enough of an established social scene + alcohol, someone invariably has past drama and/it gets jealous and a confrontation or tussle ensues. Usually starts with staring each other down or intentional bumping/pushing.

I’ve seen it between gay men, but very rarely. I usually see it happen in straight bars, and it mostly involves straight guys who like to fight, jealous girlfriends, or mouthy drunk women who get off on starting shit, knowing their boyfriend has their back.

My guess is that some dykes try to mimic that straight macho shithead crap in bars. I’ve been in lesbian dive bars that reminded me of those pirate bars you see in movies, and felt like more than a few were looking to start a fight.

I had one get in my face because she thought I was cutting in line for the men’s bathroom (both were being used since it was a lesbian bar). I told her I was just standing to the side to stay out of the way of the walkway—and because there was no more room to stand in line—but the body language and confrontational attitude was of someone who wished I would have said something.

Who is Olivia and why is a cruise line named after her? Why isn’t there a Mark, Rick or Steve gay cruise line?

There is, r104. But it's Marcus, Richard and Stephen, thankyouverymuch.

Come on, you know it's the Lance Cruise Line!

Caribbean dance classes are offered.

I’m ElderLez, DL celebrity, quietly taking it all in behind fabulous sunglasses as she sips a martini and enjoys the ocean breeze.

More like the breeze coming from Fran's ass.

I’m the honeymoon package

I'm the hygiene standards

I'm the one who can't get out of a deck chair.

Someone please tip me over.

I’m the morbid loner who spends every day holed up in my room, watching Ghost Ship, Titanic and The Poseidon Adventure.

I’m onboard lecturer Jane Lynch, spraying the microphone with saliva coated pubes.

I'm SCHLORP. The sound you'll hear all night for those that have not yet achieved lesbian bed death.

all four of them....

I'm the too severe haircuts.

Munchers in The Captain’s Lounge

L E S B I A N I stand out in a crowd, I am a one in ten L E S B I A N Say it out aloud say it again and again

Well I am a lesbian and this is my thing I'm not looking for a man or a wedding ring Yeah it's women that I like coz I am a big dyke I am as queer as queer can be and I drive a motorbike!

Coz I’m a LESBIAAAN

I’m the nightly crowd participation sing along with Lizzy and the Muff Munchers in The Captain’s Lounge

L E S B I A N I stand out in a crowd, I am a one in ten L E S B I A N Say it out aloud say it again and again

Well I am a lesbian and this is my thing I'm not looking for a man or a wedding ring Yeah it's women that I like coz I am a big dyke I am as queer as queer can be and I drive a motorbike!

Coz I’m a LESBIAAAN

R89 For the gift bag, because there's always a mug. There has to be a mug.

A Lesbosaurus mug.

Do lesbians cradle their mugs or is that just a frau thing?

For the gift bag: a complimentary lesbian erotic art print, suitable for framing! Collect all four!

There has to be some intersectionality, R121

What is available for non-bio females? I don’t want to feel EXCLUDED!

R123. Is the lesbian frau real or a myth? I’ve heard stories of their existence.....

I’m the official lesbian dream catcher necklace sold exclusively in the gift shop! Catch your dream today!

I'm the daily AA meeting. (We REFUSE to call it "Friends of Bill W." for this cruise!) I will be poorly attended after the second day.

I’m your official Sybian system rep. Let’s book an appointment during the trip to discuss 0% financing.

I'm the CPAP machines! One in every cabin!

I’m the Vulva Self Love class on the Lido deck. Please bring a towel and extra batteries

We snuck aboard undetected. No one has busted us yet. Next stop: the jacuzzi!

I am an older lesbian who is planning to wear my recently acquired Caitlyn Jenner mask to Saturday night's masquerade ball hosted by the Captain herself.

My old partner is just using makeup and a Zorro mask. Silly bitch can only look better.

R131 We are the Captain’s guests tonight at his table. Eat your heart out!

I’m the one who can out-Karen any straight frau.

I made the mistake of using suntan lotion as lube with my cherished dildo because the gift shop ran out of water based lube. Now it’s disintegrating and I smell like a coconut.

I gave my little partner a proper burial at sea and cried as I watched my dildo of many years sink into the ocean depths.

Goodbye, my friend....

I’m the all you can eat buffet.

We’re really taking a hit.

I’m karaoke night!

I’m the shark that swallowed the dildo buried at sea and wish hadn’t

I’m the brawl and screaming match on the Lido deck when Dot finds out Fran cheated on her while she was at line dancing classes, Dot gets her revenge by tossing Fran’s strap on overboard. Fran is furious and demands they stop the ship and do a search and rescue. However the strap on now rests at bottom of the sea. Soon it will become a haven for a number of sea creatures and will be the genesis for a new coral reef.

More than likely a dolphin will choke on it.

[quote] I’m the Vulva Self Love class on the Lido deck. Please bring a towel and extra batteries

I'm lateness to this class, which will NOT be tolerated!

I’m the thousands of pairs of Tevas.

They’re much better looking than the Michfest lesbians

Suze Orman was a good reference point. Anne Burrell would be another one. Ellen too.

These lesbians are a little less hippy. Butcher and just as much the architect of their own misfortune however.

I'm the dolphin tattoos.

I'm the confused buffet manager trying to figure out why we run out of tuna tacos every night.

I'm the NOW that you are being told in so as not to have to tell you THEN.

I've fallen out of favor since Michfest died. May she rest in peace.

Watch out for two women & an old man.

If partners wear very similar swim attire, a big fuss may be avoided.

[post redacted because independent.co.uk thinks that links to their ridiculous rag are a bad thing. Somebody might want to tell them how the internet works. Or not. We don't really care. They do suck though. Our advice is that you should not click on the link and whatever you do, don't read their truly terrible articles.]

I’m the “night cap” that involves multiple orgasms

We’re boisterousness!

I'm the cunt who insists on singing "There's Got To Be a Morning After" in the karaoke bar.

One would advise Donna to keep her politics and new IPhone subdued onboard, but she won't. She'll be on DL terfing it.

I’m Big Ann and I struggle to fit into the tiny bathroom of the four berth inside-stateroom I’m sharing with my vacation friends. To make matters worse, a deck chair on the lido deck collapsed under me whilst I was sunbathing topless and eating chocolate ice cream. So far this cruise hasn’t been much fun.

I’m the gawking bystanders unsure of whether to be disgusted or turned on at the sight of Big Ann wobbling and jiggling about amidst the wreckage of the collapsed deck chair, with rapidly melting ice cream cascading down her gigantic tits towards her vag.

I'm stuck in my cabin, not from covid-19, but because I'm allergic to chick drama and WAP 🤮

I’m one of room stewards, scrambling to finish the turndown service by 7 pm when most of these gals turn in for the night.

I'm the one who is going to state her boundaries in Savannah or St Petersburg so I do not have to state them in Aruba or Oslo.

I'm the ex onboard.

You know there'll be one.

I'm the groups singing I Am Woman by Helen Reddy on karaoke night.

Groups. Multiple.

I am Fran in the Bruce Willis role of a new lesbian installment on Die Hard, when the Olivia Cruise is hijacked by non-bio female terrorists.

[quote] I'm the ex onboard. You know there'll be one.

Just the one, dear? There’d likely be about one degree of separation among all passengers.

With all the scissoring happening, the crew gets little sleep from the noise.

The sound of scissoring, shlorping and random guttural cries of mannish ecstasy

I’m the boundaries of international waters.

I’m the unflattering camel toe around every corner

I’m the iceberg.

The girls spend an hour discussing my toxic, phallic undertones instead of steering the ship out of its way.

I’m the smell of weed coming from Fran’s cabin.

I’m the sound of Fran’s throaty barfly laughter followed by a hacking cough echoing down the hall.

What’s the name of the ship?

The S.S.____________?

I’m Paula Poundstone in The Lounge at 8:00.

These are the fullest shows I’ve had in years.

I’m the haircut of a 13 year old boy. 1 in 3 passengers has me.

I'm the blow up (female) sex doll floating in the pool getting my attention than most of the humans on board.

I’m the only male on the ship due to my profession as a medical doctor. The cruise line stopped hiring female doctors years ago because of the millions spent in sexual harassment lawsuits. My only duty on the ship is removing foreign objects that are stuck in the cunts of these bitches after a night of “drunken ecstasy”.

I'm the sixty-something butch 300-lb-er who is convinced that R175 raped her when she went to have a fungal infection looked at.

I'm Justin Bieber. I got on the wrong ship while drunk. To my bewilderment, I've been accepted as one of the passengers' own and called "Jess". It's been a week now. I'm learning to like tofu. I've been taught to be at peace with my vagina.

I'm the storm ahead.

Maybe the weather, maybe just a big argument...

I’m my opinion, which you obviously have no interest in hearing anymore now that you drink so much

I’m the opinion we’re going to hear anyway.

I’m the last chance for you to change, because I certainly don’t need to.

I’m the crew, waiting with bates breath until the ship is turned around next week for a gay cruise.

I’m the temporary restraining order being broken and the attempted apology for all the stalking.

But don’t you know true love means never having to say you’re sorry? C’mon babe, remember “us”?

I am my worth and everyone here knows me. So, don't tempt fate by flirting or gawking.

I’m the possessive girlfriend that would be a Lifetime Channel movie villain if I were a man, but since I’m a lesbian woman, it’s different.

Are you looking at her???? You enjoy making me angry, don’t you?

I’m the International Date Line.

I did NOT consent to being crossed.

I'm the "queer woman" hoping for an acceptance. I'll be disappointed.

I’m the erotic ice sculpture at the midnight buffet.

This sculpture's dick is bigger than mine.

I'm the discarded vibrators whose batteries ran out of power.

I am the toolbox Lynn brought just in case she has to fix a broken pipe.

[quote] Womon overboard!!

Full speed ahead!

Jo'Ann has spent $138 in the casino today; she has won $22.

I'm the one looking around for things to disapprove of.

Ship crew are given plenty of vinegar and lime juice to combat fish odor.

R20 no, no, that will sink the ship

I’m the certification course in muff diving

I’m the drag king show

I’m the food poisoning.

I’m the toilet in the cabin Little Ann is sharing with three friends. If there’s food poisoning, please just throw me overboard.

I'm the $50 Home Depot gift card that is the top prize in the Thurday night raffle.

I'm the Subaru Keychain, next to the top prize in the raffle.

Raffle prize #3:

I'm the meeting that had to be called about a peanut butter knife being found in the jelly. Only 4 attended.

I'm Gwen's new flip flops she purchased for this cruise. I won't last long. She needs two sizes larger. Her feet ain't dainty.

I’m Olivia Newton-John, wondering if these cruises were named for me.

I’m Bernice and I have a man’s haircut, wear men’s style clothing and fuck my girlfriend with a giant strap-on. I hate men though

I’m she ship’s itinerary, a simple 4-night loop around the Labrador Sea off the coast of Canada. Exciting, fun and warm it isn’t, but no-nonsense and dour it is. Much like the passengers.

I'm Diane, Houston's 12th most powerful real estate agent. I'm here with my new15 year younger girlfriend, Alyx. We just ran into my ex, Carole, and HER new 20 year younger girlfriend, Sam, at the climbing wall.

Only 3 of us will get off this boat alive.

The cruise line hired Lisa Lampanelli out of retirement to do the comedy shows. Lesbian sjw activists onboard are groaning.

Zelda has an insane crush on Kellyanne Conway whom she has never been able to meet. She brought with her on the cruise a Kellyane poster and her collection of Kellyanne photos and videos. Zelda is age 74 and active in her county's local Republican politics located in the Oklahoma panhandle.

Lectures in the Labia Lounge on how to drive your new volva for peak performance

My wife and I had a bitter fight because I caught her eyeing this bitch Noreen on the deck. Later, I went to the ship's gift shop and bought her a card and a box of Belgium chocolates. We cried and made-up and ate the whole box of chocolates.

I’m a could of Crespo straight guys who stowed away thinking they’d were going to be able to watch all kinds of hot lesbian action during the cruise. After seeing the passengers, we stole a lifeboat and are paddling back to shore.

*creepo

I'm consulting my lawyers in heaven. Cease and desist and pay up.

I’m the cottage cheese thighs.

I’m Alison Moyet, on after Paula Poundstone, but before Michelle Shocked.

I’m the five types of nutloaf in the buffet

I'm one of the many tampons blocking up the pipes in the ship.

I'm Mafaldo, the toxic queen steward (real name Mortimer). My job is to clean the rooms and serve the guests. What I really do is judge everyone on their looks and behaviour, look daggers at topless women and hiss internally at every public display of affection. I'm 5'1, 250 lbs, balding and single but ain't a single dyke escaping my stern judgement!!

I’m the angry dyke at R221.

Oh lighten up, R222! Where's your sense of humour?

I’m the hot flashes and night sweats 50% of these angry women are suffering at any one time. I’m also the sense of humour they are all lacking, 100% of the time

R224 is projecting something

I'm COVID-19.

No, I can't keep six feet apart from anyone. I am not ashamed of my body or sexuality.

Mafaldo, is that you?

No, it's me. Tank.

I'm the lipstick femme who recently left my husband for my new butch girlfriend.

The other passengers all hate me, yet they all want me, which I find both terrifying and titillating.

I’m Yvonne and this cruise is the first time my long-term partner Siobahn and I have decided to be proactively non monogamous. Siobahn hooked up with an old butch on the first night and they’ve barely left each other’s side ever since. Claudette (the old butch) parades around the ship, clasping Siobahn’s hand firmly and possessively, and scowls at me if I (or anyone else for that matter) even approaches them. As a result, I’m sitting most of the time on the lido deck all alone posting pictures of my cats back home to Instagram.

I’m the disabled toilet near the atrium that Little Ann is now forced to frequent since her room mates have banned her from the small bathroom in their shared four berth cabin.

I’m the wide open double doors of the companionway hatch that look like inviting labia. Enter me, o sisters of the sea!

R228 bingo lol!

Please post an Asian

I'm the one who is grifting her way across the world on this cruise liner.

I'm the bartenders in the cocktail lounge...

For R235

Testimonial - Olivia Cruise

Olivia Lesbian Resort Holidays

Terri quickly became a popular passenger.

The pool steward sternly asked Sherry to cover her bikini with a towel. WE DON'T WANT COMPLAINTS!

Sherry’s moose knuckle will not be hidden!

I’m the passengers singing this song is support of Sherry

I’m the tacky cabin door decorations

I’m the casual, no-nonsense, attire worn by many of the larger gals. I may be a tighter squeeze than usual after a week of generous and multiple portions at the buffet...

I’m three of the above walking abreast and blocking a street in St Thomas. Each of us has a Heineken in one hand and a soft-serve ice cream cone in the other.

We are known, collectively, as The Thundering Herd.

Lesbians refusing to make way for others in public spaces is definitely something I've noticed.

Am I the only one?

It’s like when certain black folks make sure they walk as slowly as possible when they know you are waiting on them to pass. It’s just a bullshit power move.

Here we go, the thread withered and died into an unfunny pool of sexism and racism.

Given your comment at R221, R250, you have no place claiming any moral high ground, you homophobic dyke.

I'm the annoying yeast infection that won't got away.

Tamika wants to go on all the on-shore ghost tours, so she can incessantly squeal and constantly grasp ahold of Shanice

On island stops, ship guests are enthusiastically welcomed.

Now buy souvenir junk in our store.

On island stops, ship guests are enthusiastically welcomed.

Now buy souvenir junk in our store.

Jamaican lesbian wedding.

Lesbianism is so much more accepted in these cruise countries than homosexuality.

I’m a member of the Sybian Lesbianese Army and we are taking hostages!

I’m the three hundred pounder who crushed one of those machines into pieces.

I’m Antoinette-Sue and I refuse to disembark at any of the Caribbean islands due to political and moral indifference pertaining to the BLM movement and the patriarchy in general. Plus it means I can enjoy the ship’s facilities in peace whilst the other dykes explore the island tourist traps.

We are U-haul and Subaru, we are using geo-targeting for paid promotional advertising on all the lesbians digital devices for the duration of the cruise

I'd like to see Olivia book Mary Halsey for entertainment. She's good!

[quote] I'm the annoying yeast infection that won't go away.

I'm the hefty lesbian wondering if it can be used with a touch of mooncup blood in a delicious souffle for the buffet table.

Will there be a breast casting?

I’m Dot, arriving at Lesbos and asking to meet Wonder Woman. She’s also anxious because none of this looks like Paradise Island and there are men here! Ugh!

I am ElderLez’s wife, who didn’t want to go on this cruise. The first day we all have to muster on the deck for the safety instructions. I am emotionally devastated looking at the gals around me, but a few hours later I come out of my depression to announce that I am the Cindy Crawford of this cruise. I will spend the next 21 years (and county) referring to myself as Cindy Craw.

I’m the underwhelming guide book

Counting not county

I’m the entertainment manager. I’m trying to book a comedy act for people who find nothing funny.

Because she's cute, she still won't get away with this for long..

Well, except for one other irrational lesbian who has a huge crush on "Mother" Pence, whom she's never met.

There are lots of right-wing lesbians, but DL never addresses that.

I'm Dionne Warwick. I didn't know this was a lesbian cruise when they booked me and I am keeping my wits about me.

I’m Dionne buying a 1000 cartons of menthol cigarettes in the duty free shop. This hussy knows a good deal when she sees it. And I ain’t no lesbian!

Ms Warwick’s show A Night of Class will be cancelled due to a mysterious rubber phallus left at the entrance of Ms Warwick’s suite. Due to concerns and her safety, Dionne will be in her room smoking a bowl with her band (her son) the rest of the evening.

I’m Dionne’s rider. Will there be enough room onboard to accommodate all her requisite ashtrays.?

I’m what looks like a steamship in the distance, then, when you get closer, you just realize it’s Dionne smoking.

I'm a male member of the ship's hard working crew that keeps getting dirty looks from all these women? who look like men.

Don't mean to be rude R242 but what the fuck is that?

The labia majora x2

Sum Poosie is an energy drink sold in the ship's bars and canteens. It is quite popular among the spunky lesbians.

I’m Oprah being swamped on the Lido deck, after I announced....and you get a labia, and you get a labia, and you get a labia. It’s all so gushy.

I used to be a "dancer" on those all woman ships until I became Iron Chef Cat Cora on the Food Network. The rest is history.

I’m Bertha. I’m an old butch dyke. I resent that this ship was built and designed by men. I hate men, but I secretly wish I had a penis.

I’m security staff called to Little Ann’s room to retrieve an out of control giant vibrator that popped out and is now rumbling all over the place under the bed, keeping folks In the downstairs cabin awake.

The only butt reveal underwear aboard the ship belongs to an Asian male crew member.

I’m the female bodybuilder in a bikini by the pool.

Marjorie says she could pass as Ivana Trump's twin sister.

Among traveling Kentucky female relatives, is Kim, who brought along her thongs.

This is an item in the ship's "lost and found" room.

Edna and Cecilia from South Dakota are too embarrassed to go and claim it.

R289 where was it lost? Or did someone find it?

Just as well, R289, they leave it in lost and found. The TSA could ban them from taking it on the plane on the flight home to Sioux Falls.

They'd probably call it a weapon of ass destruction.

The dildo disconnects into segments and becomes a set of lesbian numchucks

R290 Edna placed it on the nightstand near the cabin door. The couple left a short bit later to visit the gals two cabins down who had invited them over for drinks before they all go together for dinner. With the very choppy waves at the time, the double-end dildo fell off the nightstand and rolled into the hallway. Cecilia forgot to close the door, thinking Edna was still on the toilet and would close it as she left. But Edna left before that while Cecilia was distracted looking at the view of the choppy waves. A steward delivering room service found it, but wasn't sure which cabin it came from. He picked up the device with a napkin, placed it in a plastic bag, and delivered it to lost and found. The occupants of three rooms on each side were notified that if they are missing an item, one may claim the item if they can properly and discreetly describe the item found.

making new friends

I’m the average age.

I’m Meredith Baxter Birney.

Those look like friends that charge by the hour

Uh, R282? I think you meant HERstory.

[quote] I’m Phranc, and I’ll be performing nightly (and selling signed CDRs

I can think of worse ways to spend several dollars

I'm Fibromyalgia. Oddly enough I won't be anywhere in sight this week, but come next Monday, I'll make sure Wendy has to take it easy and leave work early for a few days.

That’s the truest post on this thread, R300.

I’m the collective cry of lesbian joy when it’s announced that tipping is not required during the cruise.

Someone needs to call the Sapphic sister giving bus rides to Michfest that she can offer bus rides to the port *wink wink*