NYC is really getting bad

0/10

Did Adrienne have enough leather to keep those knockers from bouncing? Those things could cause an earthquake.

I just saw Ed Koch kicking a homsexualist.

I just saw Bella Abzug kicking Ed Koch.

I saw mutant turtles coming out of a sewer.

I saw Annie Sprinkle playing nude frisbee with Al Sharpton.

I caught a glimpse of Yoko Ono.

I saw Lena Dunham playing nude frisbee with Janeane Garafalo.

I saw a man dance with his wife.

No, wait. That was Chicago. Damn it!

Adrienne Barbeau in black leather could get me to move back to NYC

NYC's latest serial killer, Grandson of Sam.

I saw Renata Adler and Pauline Kael having a quick scissor session on the roof of a crosstown bus.

I thought I saw Lauren Bacall, I thought I saw Lauren Bacall (in a car jam).

I saw Lonny Price and Patti LuPone rehearsing for Diana: The Musical.

Among the rain and lights I saw the figure 5 in gold on a red firetruck moving tense unheeded to gong clangs siren howls and wheels rumbling through the dark city.

I pissed off the conductor of the 1 train because I held the doors open at the Cortlandt Street/WTC station so I could get a few seconds of air conditioning.

I saw Oswalt Cobblepot skipping down the street with a basket of violets slung under his arm and a vacuous expression on his face.

I saw F. Scott and Zelda dancing naked in the Plaza Fountain.

I saw Miss Piggy scream "Cancel the show!" and put Kermit through a plate glass window.

OP, maybe you should get out of New York, like escape from it or something.

Viva is in town, ID'd her grabbing soft serve fish cones at Minus10 on Mott, with her dear friend Nancy Kissinger, in black linen.

I saw Liza sing New York, New York, I'm leaving today and then stop the song right there.

Funnily enough I just yesterday watched Escape from New York for the first time in like 30 years. The film was the coolest thing for guys back in the 80s and now watching it I couldn't help but wonder how many of them were attracted to Kurt Russell's prettier than pretty face.

Central Perk won't let Phoebe perform.

I saw John Lindsay fucking Flo Henderson in The Ramble.

I love Adrienne Barbecue. Are her tits now down to her knees?

^Barbeau. Damn autocorrect!

[quote]Are her tits now down to her knees?

Let's see how well you fare having your tits squeezed eight shows a week in Grease!

I saw her come out of the sun in a silk dress running like a watercolor in the rain.

Don't bother asking for explanations - she'll just tell you that she came.

In the year of the cat.

She was briefly in the Swamp Thing series and looked good!

I saw Sigourney Weaver scream and slam her refrigerator door shut.

I saw Gog and Magog eating pork.

I saw Sandy Duncan chasing her eyeball down 7th Avenue.

I saw Dianne Weist and Carrie Fisher arguing over who lost the coke spoon.

I saw sewer crocodile giving pizza rat a rim job.

I saw Kelly Ripa eat something and NOT throw it up.

I saw Lindsey Graham coming out of the New David Cinema.

R35 I saw Ivy Supersonic right behind them, sketching furiously away.

I saw Anna Wintour carrying a McDonald's bag.

I saw Angie Dickinson walk around the Metropolitan Museum of Art for about three hours staring pensively at a single glove.

Later I saw Nancy Allen and Keith Gordon somehow not have sex.

And let me tell you it was not easy getting all the way up that fire escape.

I saw Andrea McArdle and Donna McKechnie playing leapfrog with the homeless.

I saw that Cloverfield monster.

I saw Candy Darling en route to Andre of Paris on Fifth Avenue. She's going to ask that queen to cut her hair for ten dollaires.

I saw Nell Carter coming out of Dunkin' Donuts with three medium-sized bags and a large coffee.

I also saw Harvey Fierstein cumming down the mouth of a slutty chorus boy he will eventually outlive.

I saw Andy Warhol filming a movie starring That Girl.

And Donald was being entertained by Joe Dallesandro.

I stalked Hillary Clinton as she went around town gathering up little girls for that Epstein Island that she and Bill run since Jeff died. She was later joined by Biden and Commie-la, who ate aborted fetuses.

I went to a wine bar before, during, and after.

I saw Mrs. George Washington Kavanaugh and Lady Decies in white mink, and paste ball jewels, in August.

I saw Patrick Bateman int he American Gardens Building, skipping rope in his boxers with his junk bouncing up and down.

I saw a guy with a mop and bucket under a hole in the awning at the Gramercy Hotel.

I just saw two rats fighting.

It is OVER for you hoes!

I saw Glenn Close and Patti LuPone singing "As If We Never Said Goodbye" on the platform of the Grand Street F train.

I saw Ellen Degeneres being very nice to everyone around her and had a big smile on her face and she was definitely sober.

I saw Angela Lansbury eating a hot dog at a vendor cart.

I saw Wallace Shawn fake an orgasm for Andre Gregory at Katz's Delicatessen.

Behind them, Divine whispered to the waiter - "I'll have what he's having."

The waiter responded "Madame, I think Andre Gregory is straight."

R51 and R52 is the same thing, is it not?

I saw Chita Rivera outside the Broadway Theater, picketing the new "West Side Story" because of the presence in the cast of that controversial ballet dancer who plays Bernardo. No one told her that the show had been shut down as of March 12, so her efforts were in vain.

I just saw a rat carry a large slice of Ray's pizza into the subway.

I saw Nico Tortorella wearing a pink thong and white stripper heals playing hopscotch with an unamused Bjork on the Brooklyn Promenade.

My old landlord from when I lived in the village called and offered me my 2 bedroom back for 700 dollars.

I saw Sylvia Miles and Beverly D'Angelo lick jam off each others' tits in the front window of 10 Montague Terrace.

I saw Rosie O'Donnell and Lin-Manuel Miranda coming out of Jordan Roth's office. I guess that revival of Mame is happening after all.

R54, I did too!

Wait.

Is Angela Lansbury bright green, made of ectoplasm - and hideously ugly?

de Blasio has forced the Natural History Museum to house the homeless. The trannies are camped in the gem room and the lesbians are under the big whale.

I saw that Miss Casswell being violently sick to her tummy-tums.

I saw Holly Golightly blowing a homeless dude in the middle of Hudson Yards.

I saw Lea Michele knock down six people to get front row to the "Barbra Streisand in Central Park" concert.

I saw Mary Wilson sit front row and snap her gum through the first "Diana Ross in Central Park" concert. That's really why they ended the first concert early, not because of the rain.

R21 - Viva lives in Palm Springs now - in the same rundown apt complex my old friend lived in.

This Jamaican is in NY for the summer.

I saw Lucy Ricardo in a show at The Tropicana.

I saw Mia Farrow with a pixie cut stagger through a crowded intersection and drop a small amulet down a sewer.

I saw David Patrick Kelly getting kicked in the balls by Deborah Van Valkenburgh, who, evidently, did not want to play.

I saw Judi Dench and Maggie Smith singing "Bosom Buddies" at Marie's Crisis.

Then I put on my glasses and realized it was two drag queens.

I saw Patti Smith having her hair down on 5th Ave.

I saw somebody throwing cats at Daria Nicolodi.

I saw Madonna climbing the steps up to The Gaiety. Bette Midler was heading into Howard Johnson's and said, "What a cheap whore." I wasn't sure whether she was referencing me or Madonna.

R76, I think she was referencing Howard Johnson. Nothing HJ wouldn't blow for a sawbuck.

Lainie Kazan, with a very large bronze cracked leather shoulder bag, in SJP on 54th St.

I saw Linda Lavin.

Enuf said.

I saw Meryl Streep starring in "For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide/When The Rainbow Is Enuf" at the Delacorte Theater in Central Park.

Joan Didion was having tea on her balcony this morning.

Rafael Alencar sodomising yet another entire family in a white brick penthouse on 2nd Avenue.

Christina Superstar just threw a water balloon at me and screamed "Now you're stupid and WET, cunt!"

I saw Emily Gould rolling her eyes and realized that this time it was because a mugger had just punched her violently in the face.

I saw Pat Buckley leaving Le Cirque with Nan Kempner, and one of them had toilet paper stuck to her shoe!

Daniel Craig in biking shorts getting pounded bareback by a BBC brother in Prospect Park.

I saw Ethel Merman arguing with a FedEx driver.

I saw Bruce Jenner trying on Valerie Perrine's bra during a break in filming of "Can't Stop The Music."

You saw me standing by the wall corner of a main street

And the lights are flashing on your window sill

All alone ain't much fun so you're looking for the thrill

And you know just what it takes and where to go

I saw Cyndi Lauper just wanting to have fun.

I saw Ivana Trump order red wine with her fish! BWHA!

I saw Cher slap Nicholas Cage and scream "Snap out of it!"

Why are so many of you seeing dead people in NY?

I’ll tell you what’s getting really bad - the tops of all my refrigerators! They’re covered in dust bunnies because Esmeralda hasn’t been to work in six months!

I saw Paul Simon visiting his father's grave to Queens.

R93 Haley Joel Osment has been spreading the love.

I saw Richard Simmons convulsing at a zombie rave with a lady in a Vultures t-shirt.

I saw shit go down outside Jasmine Guy's brownstone.

I saw Michael Musto grab Alec Baldwin's ass as he served cocktails to Iman, Grace, Andy and Bianca at 54!

I just saw this in Hell's Kitchenette

I saw Candy come from out on the Island.

I saw Mr. Sta-Puft getting a handjob behind the Flatiron Building.

This bothers me!

I saw Anna Maria Alberghetti in a taxi honey.

[quote] I saw Angela Lansbury eating a hot dog at a vendor cart.

Or as she privately refers to it, “circumcising David Tomlinson.“

[quote] I saw Angela Lansbury eating a hot dog at a vendor cart.

Or as she privately refers to it, “circumcising David Tomlinson.“

I saw the glitter from Mick Jagger's eyelids smeared on Lee Radziwill's.... oh, never mind...

I saw teenage girls stalking Henry Orient in Central Park.

R26, Adrienne Barbecue is the best autocorrected name since Jackie on Assistance.

I saw Little Ricky dealing meth in Central Park. He has been running wild since Mrs. Trumball died of COVID.

Rhoda Moregenstern moved back to Minneapolis. It really was New York's last chance.

"Mame" starring Ellen DeGeneres has been selling out to packed houses for two years

I saw David holding Ann Romano.

What is that pushy white woman doing in New York City? I thought she was from Indianapolis!

I saw Charles and Diana having their assholes power-licked by Park Avenue polite society.

I saw a Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dweller poke its head out of a manhole, swivel around, say "fuck this noise" and go back down.

There are worse things I could do.

I saw the Empire State Building run away.

[quote]There are worse things I could do. —Adrienne Barbeau

Like nip and tuck or two.

Now that is a story that no one can beat.

And to think that I saw it on Mulberry Street!

I saw a lady who lived in a $28 a month cold-water flat lunching at Petrossian with Kitty Carlisle, who was wearing a purple Bill Blass suit with a peplum.

I just watched Nina Hagen step in dog shit leaving The Market Diner.

I don’t know what’s going but I just walked past The Dakota, and there are, like, ten cop cars and four ambulances.

Ruh-roh Yoko

I saw Dorothy Day give a smelly Irish scullery maid a 2 carat Harry Winston diamond ring.

(I love this thread)

I saw Lon Chaney dancin' with the Queen.

oops-wrong city

I just picked up a flyer on the street for some new club on 54th street. In midtown. Loll

I just got out of a cab. Driver was this crazy Jewish chick named Fran something. Talking shit like “she was a writer”.

I saw dames with gigolos who are Latin, come from Yonkers, the Bronx, or Staten

I saw some mean dyke named Valerie heading to a 'factory.' In the west 20s? As if.

I saw the Duke and Duchess of Sussex giving out facemasks with positive affirmations written on them.

I saw Richard Thomas filming a scene for "Final Jeopardy II," or maybe it wasn't a filming?

I saw Ruth Gordon in hot pants arguing with Madonna in a burka at 68th and Park.

I saw Ethel Merman and Bob Hope shtupping standing up in Shubert Alley late the other night after a performance in their super-geriatric revival of "Red, Hot, and Blue."

I saw Lizha hopping into a cab in front of the Olympic Tower at 6:30 am. She looked like death warmed over

I saw Bianca Jagger ride into the lobby of the Roundabout Theater on 54th St on a bony old brown nag last used as a carriage horse.

I saw the Rizzoli's bookstore on West 57th Street with a sign over it saying YOU'LL BE SORRY WHEN I'M GONE.

R122, I saw Divine run after her screaming "Are you going to finish that?"

I saw Barbara Streisand outside the Plaza Hotel being introduced to Queen Elizabeth II after a party in a skintight, topless leather catsuit with a cutaway crotch and transparent buttock panels.

Miss Streisand was wearing a simple pink Empire gown.

I had tea with Diana Vreeland and a half bottle of Bandit couldn't mask her putrid breath.

I saw Rula Lenska fly into JFK Airport after the pilot was blinded from the reflection of her jewelry.

R143: "Mere paste, darling," or so she told me over fags outside the Royal Vauxhall.

I watched Ivanka rimming her dad in the window of Tiffany's. She had her tongue deep inside.

I saw Noodles! At Zabar's! Mincing up and down the cheese aisle, cruising men's butts, while repeatedly blurting, "Yum!"

I saw Susan Lucci weeping at the 9/11 memorial.

Hapi Phace and Jeanne Moreau, shopping for boxer shorts for Jerome Zipkin, at Sulka.

Rupert Everett with Diahann Carroll and, I think, Rollerina, snorting coke at Undochine

Yma Sumac with Ashton Hawkins and Rick Whitaker, grabbing a snack at Gray's Papaya

Jonah Falcon with Leonard Bernstein and Mica Ertegun at Le Train Bleu.

Bea at r2. Did you ever motorboat Adrienne on the set of Maude?

I saw Mona Foote as Wonder Woman at Wigstock in 1991 in Tompkins Square Park!

I saw Hugh Grant blowing Kevin Aviance in the dressing room at Club U.S.A.

I seent Beyonce at Burger King!

I saw Mayor Ed Koch standing aline, weeping, in front of the Bronzino at the Frick.

R154 I saw Courtney Love at Wendy's

I saw Kitty Carlisle shopping at Alexander's.

I saw Kaye Ballard chasing Liz Smith down West 57th while brandishing a meat cleaver. A week later I saw Iris Love and Liz Smith holding hands while walking down Park Avenue.

I saw Caroline Bissette Kennedy in leather jodhpurs, stainless steel spike heels and a see-through silk blouse chasing Kyle MacLachlan in black lace boxers, Lobb's dress shoes and red sock garters through the National Arts Club with a riding crop.

Went into Andre Oliver's divine shop on East 57th the other day and dealt with this very young and charming vendeuse named Charlie. He sold me 25 crew-neck cashmere sweaters in every color of the rainbow.

I saw Sinéad O'Connor spray-painting FUCK THE POPE on the fountain wall of the 70th Street Garden at the Frick Collection.

No, it isn't