BREAKING: Simon Cowell's Back

Is Simon a homosexual?

bitch will be back for AGT if she has to ride in on a mobility scooter

how fast does one have to go to fall and break their back?

Will they give him a new plastic spine to go with his plastic teefs?

Is she 'delicate'?

That boy sure falls down a lot. Anyone else remember the staircase incident of 2017?

He is so fugly as well as a colossal prick. Who cares.

It's completely normal for his back to break; after all, it has had to support the weight of his abnormally over-sized ego for the last 60 years.

With a bit of luck, this means that we won't have to endure the torment of his obnoxious presence in every "talent" show for the next 6 months or so... Well, here's the proof that we all needed: there is a God.

Good way to get out of a deadbeat show. Low ratings.

Ride a non-electric bike, you lazy cunt.

He’s aging quite gracefully!

He's too drunk to be on ANY bike, even an electric one.

Some have whispered that she has a problem with Miss Boozette

Eek !

😁 Those teeth ........ Is he going for the Cheshire Cat look ?

If he's going electric, he should be riding a Little Rascal.

r12 and r13 nailed it. Thread closed.

If Miss Cowell has a back injury, perhaps she should refrain from throwing her legs up in the air for anyone with a quarter in their pocket.

He's not ugly. I've been told I look like him. So there.

My condolences, R18.

R18 Are you flush in the face from too much booze, too?

Comedy Central should do a Simon Cowell roast, and all the American Idol contestants he told were too fat and not pretty enough to be singers should get an opportunity to talk about that face.

I thought Cowell was unattractive before his weight loss, after the weight loss, the plastic surgery, and the veneers that look like costume prosthetics I find him disturbingly unattractive. I know, that sounds shallow & harsh, but all that along with his long fingernails, tight t-shirts, boot cut jean's & high heels provides an unsettling aesthetic.

OP I have to say that's not a very flattering photo of him (us).

He looks like they took the face off the long-deceased Dirk Bogarde and stretched it out over Bruce Forsyth's skull.

[quote]He’s aging quite gracefully!

I can barely discern him from Jude Law circa 1998! Who is his doctor?!

[quote]He’s aging quite gracefully!

I agree!

I hope he hasn't damaged his spinal cord, I wouldn't wish paralysis on my worst enemy.

[quote] That boy sure falls down a lot. Anyone else remember the staircase incident of 2017?

He didn’t fall down the stairs any more than he just fell off his bike. It’s just an excuse to send him to hospital for more plastic surgery, then explain away why his face comes out looking so fucked up.

R29 Also an excuse to keep in his back pocket down the road. “I injured my back falling off a bike and the doctor gave me painkillers...”

He keeps falling to get pain meds.

And he NEVER shares!

But Paula did share her pain meds! That’s how she convinced Simon to cast her.

[quote]Is Simon a homosexual?

He's as gay as I am

R29 Carrie Underwood's excuse was so odd because you would think she would realize that if your face is slashed open, there would be a wound and scars. Yet pictures of her shortly after her 'accident' show neither.

His days are numbered. Time to add him to the DL death pool.

Did he get his moobs remooooved? Or is he still lactating?

Biden rides a bike. This tool can't stay on one?

R36 You can’t see the boobs anymore because you can’t look away from those teeth and eyes.

Happens to many frail and elderly people. Best wishes

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

Veneers look so strange to me.

He looks sickly.

He's way too old to be wearing that tight tshirt in public.

Maybe he broke his back because he has manorexia

I hope he didn't chip a tooth.

His veneers look like wax teeth.

People here jeer at Brits not utillizing US-style cosmetic dentistry, yet when a Brit does, you still bitch.

r40

He looks like JM J Bullock. Which means "AIDS"

My friend in the UK worked with him and swears he is a poof.

.....falling off electric bisexual.

Fixed it for OP.

It's because they look fake, R47. Americans with the same shitty oversized veneers get made fun of too.

(R51) you're spending that kind of money you would think they would look better. Then a pair of novelty magic show teeth.

Oh Simon

He’s an asshole, a has been (from a barely I am), and as shallow as they come. I’m surprised he still gets reported on.

[quote] He recently lost 60 lbs too

That weight loss makes his chin look gigantic

I don't care how much weight he loses or what kind of new beaver teeth he gets. He's a asshole. He's getting his karma.

He’s a good asshole for television.

It said they had to insert a steel rod in her back.

She must be really fucked-up!

OP's thread opener is simply brilliant.

All they had to do is pull the steel rod he's had shoved up his ass all these years and place it a little higher and aft.

Hopefully it popped those eyes back out.

Old guys should be more careful.

When did he break his face? He looks terrible. What quack plastic surgeon is responsible for that?

His plastic surgery fell and then he did. Rough.

Those chompers are heinous