Best constipation remedies

Enema still works

Big glass of prune juice - 30 minutes later you will be skipping through a field of daisies.

I second prune juice especially if you add some lemon juice

Just have you bowel re-sectioned.

No biggie - I have it done all the time.

Apple juice tastes better than prune juice and works for me.

miralax

Taco Bell cleans me out.

R6 Miralax didn't have much of an effect on me. Neither did Colace.

Scat troll alert

Magnesium and espresso coffee followed by a brisk walk, OP - but don’t walk too far from home because when it hits, it really hits.

All I need is a pastry and a cup of coffee

Dried Apricots

Giardiasis

An evening with Danny Thomas

Arsenic may work.

Erna’s tongue.

Bosoms and Neglect

A word about Miralax... I took the recommended dose and it took DAYS to work. And then when it did, it was a little TOO effective. I was assured that it was gentle, and it might take a day to work, like a cumulative effect. Oh, it was cumulative, all right. Never trust a Miralax fart, that’s all I’m saying.

Miralax is amazing. If you gotta go right now, disregard the instructions, take multiple doses back to back to back with tons of water. If you were trying to pass a brick, it'll somehow even soften that.

Fleet enema is the gold standard. You will be shitting within 10 minutes.

A full bottle of Magnesium Citrate will do the trick.

Bourbon. 2 shots.

Dulcolax has been working for me. I have been taking Prednisone for Rheumatoid Arthritis. I was taking one Dulcolax a day to see if it worked. It did not. While trying to pass a brick I dropped two more Dulcolax in my gullet. Forty-five minutes later I was able to pass the brick with some effort. I have taken two Dulcolax a day since without a having to strain it out. But I have a two pack Enema sitting in my bathroom just in case.

My dad overshares. He also swears by Citrucel and says, unlike other bulk-forming fiber supplements, it doesn't cause gas.

Haribo Sugar Free gummies.

Having a better diet.

Eat half a watermelon, and WATCH OUT!!!!

I cut way back on eating meat and white flour and my shits have been fabulous. I'm shitting my insides out!

Appropriate song for this thread.

3 tablespoons of mineral oil at bedtime helps grease the skids. In the morning you’ll dump out like a professional bottom.

Most of the time a Big Mac and large fries will do it. 🍟

A bump of coke should get things moving.

If your coke’s cut with Manitol laxative.

I have a friend that takes this medicine. It stops her up so badly.

Do crunches and go running! When you move your body it also moves your G.I. tract.

Cholera

Kale and coffee

Kiwi fruit. It also is really good at tenderising your meat.

It sounds from this thread like anything and everything is a laxative!

Prunes, watermelon, and kiwifruit are FULL of deadly sugar and a Datalounger in good standing would never dream of touching them!

A much more reasonable method is a ten-day course of Clindamycin and then waiting for the C. diff to kick in.

Coffee

I've been taking Premium Psyllium Fiber Supplement in capsule form. Not too harsh and no side effects.

Back in the day when I smoked cigarettes and drank gallons of coffee my daily routine was consistent. Perhaps this is TMI, but I didn't have to perform a full douche if I was planning to bottom.

[quote]I didn't have to perform a full douche if I was planning to bottom.

Milk of magnesia. Tastes horrible, gets the job done, if you'll pardon the expression.

smooth move tea. prune juice you old geezer.

coffee clears me out. with milk lol. (lactose intolerant you see)

Dieter's tea. $1 at the 99c store.

None of those cures have worked for me. Time or an enema are the only things that have helped the few times I have had this.

Prune juice with lemon, salt water on an empty stomach...all useless.

Pomelo and prune juice and lotsa water and enough sleep.

Visit Mexico

A spoonful of psyllium husk a day keeps the constipation at bay

Damn, you can tell there are a lot of elder gays on DL by how opinionated everyone is on this topic.

Ideally you eat enough vegetables and drink enough water that this isn’t a huge issue. But if you don’t, I’d say a fiber supplement (ie Metamucil, Benefiber) and probiotics on a daily basis should do the trick.

I’d say if you want to really do a hard reset and lose a few lbs, do a total bowel cleanse. Go buy Dulcolax (the 2-hr version, not 6-8 hr), two 32 oz bottles of Gatorade, and an 8 oz bottle of Miralax. Combine the Gatorade with the entire bottle if Miralax. Take two Dulcolax, two hours later drink one bottle of the Gatorade/Miralax mixture. Three hours later take two more Dulcolax, then one hour later drink the other bottle of Gatorade. Do this on an empty stomach, preferably starting early in the morning (6-7Am) when you don’t have anywhere to go, and by dinner time you will be totally cleaned out, about 5-7 lbs lighter, no gas, no constipation, and your cravings will be easier to manage for the next few days. Be sure to stay by a bathroom, but some flushable baby wipes, and drink at least two liters of water throughout the day to avoid dehydration.

Large bowl of raisin bran before you go to bed - let it work things out while you sleep. Hot coffee in the morning.

R51 except when it doesn't. It can cause a blockage in many.

Bobby Brown’s finger.

The vet prescribed Miralax for my old cat and it works wonders for him.

MIZ LINDSAYS TONGUE UP MY ARSE WORKS EVERYTIME .

Epsom salts for a full flush. If you want a light but smooth and easy dump - Milk of magnesia.

Switch to a plant based diet.

F52 sounds like he is prepping for a surprise Colonoscopy.

R60 lol, actually I got the idea from a friend of mine. Total power bottom. He said he would do that before trips and bathhouse events. He said it makes cleaning out for the next few days super easy.

Any type of greens, spinach, turnip, collard, kale; A raw carrot or two every day; avoid salt for a day or so, and drink plenty of water. Carrots soak up lots of water in the GI tract which is an absolute necessity for avoiding bricks. AT least these things work for me. Results may vary.

Senna pills.

Also, apples, cabbage, and radishes.

Ito the shower , squat and direct the warm spray at your asshole. It will relax and you'll have a bowel movement.

My grandmother used to say that as a kid the remedy for constipation was to squat over a bowl of hot water. Same principle.

lots and lots of anal sex. the constant pounding should loosen your bowels

There was a post about constipation last year that included a link to Amazon reviews of Haribo candy and it was hilarious! People claimed that eating Haribo chewy candy induced explosive diarrhea. The funniest (or most pitiful) story was the poor guy who was trapped on a long flight and no one on the plane wanted to sit near him AND he stunk up the bathroom so badly no one wanted to use it again or sit near it.

"Dieter's tea. $1 at the 99c store."

Why would tea be more expensive than everything else?

Learn what works, or doesn't work for you body. Nuts, specifically cashews screw me up big time...nothing worse than an incomplete elimination. I swear by Metamucil, it gives me clean, comfortable, and complete BMs.

Fleet suppositories -- they work in about 20 minutes,

or, you could just have the shit fucked out of you (sorry, couldn't resist)

Once you get back on track, make sure you have fruit every day - two kiwi fruit in the morning are very helpful. Add more fiber to your diet (lots of veggies) and drink more water. I make sure I have two really good meals a day full of all the good stuff... and often the third will be too, but I can be a bit more lenient then, and I don't have trouble. Don't just think of constipation as an annoying once in a while thing that you just deal with at the time it happens, it can really damage you if you let it go on too long. Plus, making those few easy changes to your diet makes you feel light and good all the time.

And as others have said, pay attention to what foods do to your body. I'm tuned enough now that I don't need to take any supplements or anything, my digestion works very well just from my diet.

Chicken soup enema.

You bitches could just do Activa and some fruit instead of all these crazy meds. What does it take you to be able to bottom? Industrial irrigation?

senna, Uncle Sam Cereal, probiotics (and they differ across types), coffee, Vitamin C

Activia? That just gives me horrible smelling gas. No thanks.

A douche tip and a shower water-cable.

Just like a bathhouse.

Dried apricots do it for me everytime.

Magnesium before bed keeps me regular.

Be careful with senna. It's a stimulant laxative, making you go. Using senna too long could mess up your own ability to stimulate a movement. For long term stick with things that bring moisture to your intestine and form logs. Of course, eating a healthy diet is the top priority.

"Women's" laxatives - bisacodyl. I guess there's brands that don't market themselves as "women's."

Cripes you're a bunch of shit obsessed grandpas.

R52 is the worst person on this thread so far.

Obviously.

But I said so far.

Raw egg smoothie followed by chicken tartare.

Drink a quart of apple juice.

Psyllium husks. Mix two tablespoons in a glass of your favorite juice. You're good to go and everything comes out okay

Careful with psyllium though, if you don't drink enough water throughout the day it can cause the problem you want to avoid. That's why my doctor recommended Benefiber over Metamucil, because the first one has no psyllium.

Add a teaspoon of flax seeds to your diet. It also is good for helping lower cholesterol.

Rasberries

Cauliflower

[quote]Dried apricots do it for me everytime.

I used to take dried apricots with me when I went backpacking, not knowing about the side effect. That's the last place I want to be shitting with frequency.

Day or two-day old milk products (yogurt or sour cream for example) give me the runs.

Sugar-free gum. Don't know if it's Sorbitol or what, but a couple hours after 2 or 3 pieces and I've got the sharts.

Taco Bell....damn!