Let's be Meghan, Duchess of Sussex

OP, did anyone ask us whether we were okay with your thread?

I should wear a mask when I leave the house, in order to prevent the spread of COVID-19.

I'm the borrowed tacky gigantic McMansion that is supposed to be hidden from prying eyes, even though I am in Malibu.

I'm sleeping with Harry and you're not.

I’m the price tag on a borrowed skirt, fluttering in the Tongan breeze.

I'm Harry's extremely patchy hair.

I’m the OP, a bitter drunken cunt with no life other than insulting the woman who in my warped box wine soaked mind, stole my man.

I don't read my press; I'm too fabulous, and frankly who cares what the griping peasants have to say!

R3 you're in the Hills, not Malibu

My hero/ine is YOU, the reader of this post!

I’m the bottomless pit of a soul.

I am the graying out that will eventually happen to this thread. Funny enough, I also seem to happen to all her plans too.

I'm "calligraphy"!

I am the wedding tiara that got away.

I’m cracking up at r13. That is too much.

R12, you’ve happened already! My goodness, you’re an earlybird!

I am an encouraging bananagram!

I’m the Panama hat

I’m the drip-dry wedding dress waiting for another day.

I’m the dangling tendrils

I am not a nose job.

(That's not really her calligraphy, R13, is it? It's awful.)

My US lawyer calls me the Duchess of Whoresides. He blames autocorrect and I know he's a DLer.

I am the stupefyingly empty cavern that is my husband's brain.

I have incorporated Meghan as a township in LA and will now be called the Duchess of Meghan.

I'm in a city where even A-List superstars shop at Ralph's and buy their own condoms and booze at Rite-Aid, but I'm going to take three SUVs and a team of armed security to go to the doctor's office.

I'm the pit stains.

I'm the speed with which this thread will be shut down.

I am the botox, fillers, collagen and plastic surgery. I'm just getting started.

[quote] (That's not really her "calligraphy," [R13], is it? It's awful.)

Yes it absolutely is.

And I FIFY.

Calligraphy is easy! All you have to do is make your cursive letters really super-regular and neat, and then put a little backwards flourish at the high point of any letter that sticks up to the top of the line!

Voilá!

I’m her wedding shoes, which know their way down the aisle to the altar all on their own.

More of Meghan's "calligraphy," with lots and lots of exclamation points.

Oh dear, we know that's you Meghan with your, Voilá! Sooooooo cute.

I'm the eyes that instinctively find any camera within a five mile range to lock onto while flashing a big smile.

I am that oh so-insincere smile.

I am en route to my friend Oprah as I feel cooped up chez Tyler.

I’m Harry’s rough trade side pieces.

I’m the ill-fitting clothes meant to fit women without block-like body shapes.

I am Whoresides.

My fanny doesn't let no ginger in

[quote] 'According to a Mirror Online lip reader, she told the prince: "It's very quiet compared to the screaming at your wedding."'

People were screaming at my wedding, but not at Euge's which I sabotaged by announcing The Coming of Archewell.

I’m the pet dog that she abandoned for spurious reasons. You know me, I used to be on her blog and IG to show the world how caring she was. Next thing you know bitch got no time for me when Harry came along.

I'm the rage towards the queen she dare not express to anyone.

I am my life: I gave it to the BRF.

I am time, amazed at the speed in which she went from fame to infamy.

I am George and Amal, disappointed we made such a bad investment of our time and "friendship," such that it was.

We lent her the goddam plane George!

I am the smugness.

I'm Harry's smelly farts which gave Megan a good excuse to evict him from the marital bed.

I am the delusions in Meghan's swollen head and the raging anger in Harry's pea brain.

I am the £68,000 I have agreed to pay the Fail in the court case I brought against them.

I'm the £70k engagement dress, what Meghan wants, Meghan gets!

I am Oprah, in hiding.

I am the Clomid, making life hell on earth for everyone in a mile-radius.

I am the irritating 20% VAT that Markel will pay on top of any court judgment.

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

I am the orthodontic cases Meghan wants Harry to wear.

I am the Duchess Whoresides, bitch at R39.

I am the Value in that Added Tax that provides money to all the press and none for MM.

I am smarter than all you bitches!

I’m dormant The Tig, waiting to rear my euphuistic head.

[quote] It was time. I wanted to make homemade pasta, but it scared me. It seemed so complicated - this delicate balance that I would overthink until I went full throttle Tracy Flick (à la Election) and took all of the joy out of the simplicity of it. So I just decided to get over myself, and dive right in. My goal: knead the dough, hand crank the noodles, and make a feast that would impress the likes of Mario Batali.

Now, I don’t know Mario Batali. Never met him. But I still wanted to make a pasta that would make him proud. (Something we can revisit on another day).

So there I was with a bag of caputo flour and a prayer, hoping that I didn’t absolutely ruin these grand plans of mine.

[quote] I am smarter than all you bitches!

Yeah, you've really proven that so far! **snickers**

I am the avocado on toast

I am the claims that she is a strong, modern woman belied by temper tantrums and a NPD driven obsession over image.

I'm the stress of keeping Harry entertained and not full of sorrow and regret during lockdown.

Who on earth still cares about these people? Boring.

R66 Why not post on a thread that interests you then?

Get off this thread, r66.

No one wants you here.

I am the brilliant DL Dangling Tendrils threads in all my stunning prescience.

I am knowledge, intuition and wisdom. We all spotted the lying, delusional grifter from out of space.