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Homophobia in High School - What Was Your Experience?

Did you experience homophobia when you were in high school? Here's my remembrance from the mid-1970s. Please let me know if you can relate.

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by Anonymousreply 11108/03/2020

I graduated a few years ahead of you, and while there were some bullies, I was mostly ignored with few friends. So I became mostly a loner. Many of the guys assumed I was gay (I hadn't admitted it to myself yet), but as long as I didn't come on to them, they pretty much left me alone. As with you, they were more interested in girls.

by Anonymousreply 107/30/2020

Two words kept me alive: Drama Club.

by Anonymousreply 207/30/2020

Hi, I'm new to Data Lounge and mistakenly clicked on the FF button for one of the replies to my post. His reply -- Drama Club -- certainly was not inappropriate! I appreciate his and everyone else's comments.

by Anonymousreply 307/30/2020

I was towed the line and wasn’t totally flaming. So for me, the girls were worse than the guys. The guys were direct, they’d tease you and few threatened to beat your ass if they suspected you were gay. As long as you we’re passably masculine they mostly left you alone.

The girls were down right degrading and treated you like a subhuman after they got you in their grasp. More people suspected me of being gay because of girls who were like meth’d out hyper detectives trying to prove anyone who wasn’t 100% macho was gay. Invite them over and they’d be digging through your CDs & DVDs for clues. It was tiring and honestly made me turn on women because of the trauma of having to be on guard and change my interests to try to fit in. It was insane and petty stuff they’d get worked up about, if you glanced at a cute guy, you liked a girly song or movie, bought a shirt from a nice store... they reminded of like a Masculinity Gestapo.

They do those things because straight people are essentially animals who are programmed like dogs to find mates, to fuck and have babies... so for girls masculinity is numero uno. That’s how I think of all those inbred hicks now, as horny dogs who can talk and have no control over themselves.

by Anonymousreply 407/30/2020

I had a bully that was relentless. I looked him up on Facebook recently. 30 years later his only son was killed in some Bush war (proud American), He was divorced and the photos indicted that he was poor. I guess Karma did keep the receipt on that. You’d think I’d be the bigger person and feel bad for him, nah. He made my life hellish for two years, bitch got what he deserved.

by Anonymousreply 507/30/2020

I, had a good time it was pretty cool to be Gay/Bi in the early 1980's (Pre-AIDS) in the UK. It was the age of the New Romantics and the boys wore more makeup than the girls.

As soon as I hit 18 the shit hit the fan with AIDS and it's taken almost 40 years to get back to the same attitudes people had in the early 1980's.

by Anonymousreply 607/30/2020

In the 00s, my high school had a lot of people who made fun of gays who were stereotypical, but it was Moreso animosity against effeminate guys and guys who did not fit their cultural notions of masculinity. There was very little discussion about homosexuality with reference to sex. The animosity was divorced from sexuality and moreso about gender roles and conventions. So boys who hung with the girls and didn’t like sports were targeted even if they were heterosexual, but boys who were masculine were not targeted even if there were rumors they might be into boys.

by Anonymousreply 707/30/2020

The insulting "that's so gay" -- as a pejorative -- seemed to become a popular phrase when I was in high school in the late '90s. Uttered by the stupidest people of course. I bet they're all fat and rundown now!

by Anonymousreply 807/30/2020

No. Fortunately, I was a popular jock and no one suspected. But I knew.

by Anonymousreply 907/30/2020

The two of my classmates who would shout "faggot!" the loudest morphed into enthusiastic dabblers when they were well away from their homophobic buddies.

by Anonymousreply 1007/30/2020

Graduated HS in 2001. Somehow I flew under the radar. I was a definite nerd in high school as well as a band nerd. Far from being in any socially elite circles, but not the lowest of the low either. In retrospect, I don't know why I didn't get harassed. I tried to be kind to everyone and lived as a floater. I think the nerd thing threw people off, reactions later in life were generally surprised when I came out. In general, high school was a good experience for me, I had my circle of friends and I've kept in touch with them much more than folks in college.

One friend was tormented because the popular kids thought he was gay. A fellow band nerd, he was one of the few who had a serious girlfriend all through high school and he went on to marry her and had a kid. Still they picked up on something and harassed him. I guess their gaydar was well-tuned, he ended up divorcing her and marrying a guy years later.

by Anonymousreply 1107/30/2020

We didn't have homosexuals in my high school.

by Anonymousreply 1207/30/2020

R12, sure, Jan. Your high school didn't have a wrestling team?

by Anonymousreply 1307/30/2020

Surprisingly, after a hellish 8th grade in a new school, high school seemed a quiet refuge to me. I went to an all-boy Catholic high school, and I never witnessed any homophobia towards me or any other students. Sadly (adding with some shame), we had a couple of obviously gay teachers, and they dealt with quite a lot of teasing directed at them. Teenage boys tend to act up to show off to girls. Without girls to watch them, "showing off" is very uncool.

by Anonymousreply 1407/30/2020

R14 all the more reason for gender segregated schools.

by Anonymousreply 1507/30/2020

I was called "faggot" and "queer" by many of the guys in my high school class in the mid-70s. They refused to even talk to me, and were upset when I was picked to be on their teams in P.E. Some of the teachers, including the P.E. teacher, did nothing to stop it.

However, I had protectors on the football team I didn't know about until our last weeks in high school, and some of the teachers made me feel special. 40 years later, the guys who were the meanest to me were the friendliest at our 40th reunion.

by Anonymousreply 1607/30/2020

R7You hit it on the nail. That how my high was too except more nuanced because it was an artsy high school, and lot of eccentric or James been types. I graduated in 06.

by Anonymousreply 1707/30/2020

Since I didn't exhibit any signs of gayness, I was never called down for being a faggot—however, I WAS derided because I was "different." I dressed to suit myself, I took no shit from anyone, I refused to bow down to school traditions or ways of doing things, and I'd tell people exactly what was on my mind. So of course, I took a lot of shit from a lot of my peers. I graduated from a Northern California high school in1962 (go, Montgomery Vikings!), at a time when NO ONE was publicly gay. In my school, there were two or three boys and at least one girl who were blatantly gay, yet surprisingly, they were pretty much left alone by the rest of the student body. No snipes, no jeers, no public ridiculing, no tormenting or bullying. So while I was targeted for being "different," my more visible gay classmates were pretty much left alone. Which, considering the times, I think was pretty remarkable.

by Anonymousreply 1807/30/2020

I had two main tormentors in school. Their nicknames for me were Sissyboy and “yob gaf” (fag boy spelled backwards - very clever). We moved the summer before junior year, and nobody at my new school bothered me. Flash forward 3 decades and one bully called me out of the blue to apologize for the way he treated me and to tell me that he was gay too. I googled the other one and low and behold he’s listed as a volunteer with some church group at PRIDE in Atlanta. My bullies were self-loathing queens. I survived, and I’m financially and professionally more successful than both of them, and I haven’t gotten fat, so that’s something I can be proud of myself for,

by Anonymousreply 1907/30/2020

Freshman and Sophomore years of high school were quite hard for me. I was a good student and had friends at school. But I don't think that my friends were aware of the number of times I was bullied and harrassed, because I confided in no one. It was embarrassing and I felt ashamed that I didn't have any way to cope other than minimizing myself and trying to blend in.

Sophomore year was particularly hard, because due to some fluke in scheduling, I was put into gym class with the junior class boys along with just a handful of other sophomores. Every single gym class was a torment, as I was called "faggot" and "little hen" by one angry boy in particular, while his buddies laughed. I was never beat up, but I always felt physically threatened ... mostly because the coach in charge of the class never did a damn thing to stop the behavior.

Junior year was a little bit better, the last year of gym class but with my own classmates. And as a senior, without those older assholes around, I blossomed and became much more confident. I had no idea what I should do with my life or my future, but I knew that I could not stay in that backward small town atmosphere. So I went to college, got a degree (and then another), moved far away and put it behind me.

I go back and visit my family about once a year, and I have come to the conclusion that ... my hometown is a shit hole.

by Anonymousreply 2007/30/2020

"40 years later, the guys who were the meanest to me were the friendliest at our 40th reunion."

WTF is up with that? I noticed this on Facebook when it first caught fire. Some of the biggest bullies were suddenly SO psyched to see EVERYONE. And the reunion pictures. Oy. There was no way in hell I was going to my 20th reunion. But I saw the pics and there they were--arms around people they tormented with big fat smiles. I also couldnt understand why the bullied ones were even playing along, but whatever.

by Anonymousreply 2107/30/2020

Maturity will do that, R21.

by Anonymousreply 2207/30/2020

Four good years in "the good crowd" ... kicked out of my fraternity the last two months of senior year. I tried to get into Mike's pants, it wasn't his thing, he told. I went to the dance anyway, my name wasn't on decorations, probaby others thought I was a Delt, the other frat. Summer pased without difficulty, I went on to university four years, on to the Army and a career. I go to everry class reunion, it never comes up. I like the reunions, every cliche you've herd of happens. That I'm single & gay is not a problem, doesn't come up.

by Anonymousreply 2307/30/2020

I've never been to a school reunion, I didn't like the shit-heads that I was forced to sit in a class with at the time, definitely don't want to see them years later fat and bald (that's just the girls).

by Anonymousreply 2407/30/2020

I went to my 20 year high school class reunion. One of the guys there had been my neighbor and when we were in school we rode the bus together. We were never friends, but I didn't consider him an enemy as much I thought of him as a fellow prisoner in the back of the bus. If we ever spoke, we had dumb but sometimes entertaining conversations. (He was part of the stoner crowd and I never took him too seriously.)

At the reunion, he came up to me and said, "I'm sorry about the way I treated you when we were in school. It was mean. I'm really sorry."

My reply: "You picked on me? Sorry, I don't remember." Because I really didn't. He seemed kind of surprised. Then I said, 'Listen, if you were trying to pick on me, you should have tried harder. There are about three or four other guys here tonight who were way worse than you and they really got to me. If anybody needs to apologize, it isn't you. I thought you were cool."

He seemed a little disappointed. But we both laughed it off. I enjoyed the reunion.

by Anonymousreply 2507/30/2020

In elementary school and junior high in Minnesota in the 70s and early 80s I was called a faggot, homo, gaylord, etc, all the time. Even in first grade, before I even knew what that meant, so I was a pretty obvious gayling.

This decreased a lot during my sole year of high school in Minnesota, then we moved to Washington state where I finished high school, and I was never once called anything homophobic. I was outside of school from time to time, and I have had faggot yelled at me a few times out of car windows in the 30 years since I moved to Denver.

I'm not sure if the move to Washington and not having elementary school baggage with my fellow students made the difference, or if it because there was a lot more diversity in the school I went to in Washington.

by Anonymousreply 2607/30/2020

R23 types Corporate Adderall Cunt Kween

by Anonymousreply 2707/30/2020

I went to high school in the late 80s and early 90s. No one was out, but the words "fag" were hurled daily in the hallways, usually by straight people who used it to insult each other. I was miserable. I'm a gay female, and I didn't realize it at the time, but looking back now, it should have been obvious. A few people figured it out before I did and made some homophobic remarks. To a lot of other people, the gay female energy translated to "ugly". From ages 11 to 18, I don't think I went a day without someone telling me to my face I was ugly. Everyone else just ignored me except for three friends plus a few other shitty people I hung around with because I didn't want to be alone.

I think I have PSTD. In my 20s and 30s, I tried to convince myself it didn't bother me. I lost weight, got plastic surgery. But I was still different, because I didn't have the same coming-of-age experience as everyone else. I didn't go to dances or ball games, and I wasn't allowed to join in any reindeer games; I was mostly a loner. But now in my 40s, sometimes I hear the taunts at 2 a.m. when I can't sleep. Once in awhile, I visit the class page on facebook (using an anonymous account of course). People talk about what a great time I had. I feel like I went to high school in a parallel universe, the same place, the same timeframe, but it was hell.

by Anonymousreply 2807/30/2020

Above, in paragraph 2, near the end, I meant to say "what a great time THEY had"

by Anonymousreply 2907/30/2020

R28 There is a solution, a remedy.

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by Anonymousreply 3007/30/2020

I came out in 1984. Private school. Not too much blow back. There was about 4 of us (boys) & a about 10 girls (all played lacrosse) That was school. Mother had issues with it. Dad didn’t but he was worked in europe & didn’t see him a lot. She came around when she figured out that i didn’t care what she thought. She never said but this was the early aids era in nyc. That could’ve been a part of it. My husband is older & had a really fucked up childhood — crazy poor but had a mother that was friends with gays & Kinda informed him he was gay. She was totally cool. He said he was out but not in school or @ his government housing . This was in allentown. He said there was a park that other teen gay kids hung out & that’s where he made friends , etc. fun post.

by Anonymousreply 3107/30/2020

R31 i wanted to add to my post. It all seemed so grand for me. It was in a way. We moved from nyc to connecticut for my last two years of high school & i was pretty much in the closet there. In school I was out (in the city) but i knew to play it close to my vest on weekends. I knew nyc was for me for college & really, then i never looked back.

by Anonymousreply 3207/30/2020

R4, speaking as a straight transgender(non-op, no gender reassignment)I can guarantee you those prying, batshit girls at your highschool were bi. Straight people do not conduct themselves that way nor do we make a personal plight out of other people's sexual orientation. That's uppity bi.

Furthermore, if somebody wears a CS/corrective sexuality and then calls themselves straight, they're full of shit and bisexual at the very least. Other than myself I know three other people that are truly heterosexual non-CS-wearers.

There are fewer than 10 straight people. There's a biological explanation for why that is, too, but the general population is bisexual and usually not proud of the fact. There are more gays in existence than straight people, and more bisexuals than both combined. I don't know how or why hetero became the status quo, given our scarcity.

Dead serious.

by Anonymousreply 3307/30/2020

R31 / R32 is obviously inebriated at the moment

by Anonymousreply 3407/30/2020

R33 what is CS/corrective sexuality? Even though you’re of the Frau species, I like you.

by Anonymousreply 3507/30/2020

Why am i drunk doll? R34 i don’t care to proof as i type on the DL

by Anonymousreply 3607/30/2020

[quote] Straight people do not conduct themselves that way nor do we make a personal plight out of other people's sexual orientation. That's uppity bi.


by Anonymousreply 3707/30/2020

R37, you're wrong, although that's a commonly held belong. As heterosexuals, our sexual preferences aren't stigmatized. We have nothing negative to grapple with in regards to our orientation and therefore, we've got nothing negative to project onto others in terms of sexuality.

That isn't the case with closeted or otherwise troubled bisexuals and gay people, though. Especially insecure teenagers. Straight people aren't homophobic bullies and if somebody you know claims to be straight but is/was a gaybashing tyrant, you can safely bet any amount of money that that person isn't really straight.

by Anonymousreply 3807/30/2020

*a commonly held belief, not a commonly held belong.

by Anonymousreply 3907/30/2020

There are loads of straight people that bash people because of their sexuality.

by Anonymousreply 4007/30/2020

I'm telling you, those people aren't straight. They're intentionally mislabeling themselves because they're self-hating and wish to distance themselves from the truth.

by Anonymousreply 4107/30/2020

I graduated in 2005. I went to high school in N Illinois with all the typical high school bullshit jocks cheerleaders etc. I kind of flew under the radar because I wasn't emo. They were picked on the most. And then when Brokeback Mountain came out they targeted all the sensitive boys… It was hard to watch. I didn’t want to bring attention to myself. I was deep in the closet.

by Anonymousreply 4207/30/2020

Dear Dopefly’re either incredibly naive or fucking disingenuous.

You seriously think straight people aren’t homophobes? What color is the fucking sky in your world?

by Anonymousreply 4307/30/2020

My HS best friend's brother and his crowd told my best friend (but not me) that they thought we were having sex (we weren't). I was rather surprised, said best friend being str8. I did not encounter any homophobia apart from that and a rather weird suggestion (repeated to me about twice) that two guys in the same class were a couple. All very tame compared to some of the horror stories on this thread.

by Anonymousreply 4407/30/2020

I graduated in 1978 from a small Catholic high school in a small town in Maryland. I was not taunted, teased, or beaten though I was obviously not like other boys. But I was SHUNNED by the guys. I was made to feel invisible. I didn't exist. I had a few girl friends. They made it bearable. I met a young man who attended the school in the mid-nineties. He wasn't gay but he was an "outsider", and he said the shunning happened while he was there too. Odd school. Not one fight happened during the 4 years I was there.

by Anonymousreply 4507/30/2020

R43, you're too myopic to wrap your mind around it, but it's true and it makes sense. No straight person gives a fuck about who is "on the wrong side of the Kinsey scale", and if they do, you can bet they've got some secrets and identity issues pertaining to their sexuality.

Especially gossiping women that are speculating and dying to know about other people's sexuality. Plenty of them won't admit it, but they're really trying to find out if you're "fam". It's not because they're interested in you sexually, more like, they want to know if you have a certain something in common with them.

Have a great day!

by Anonymousreply 4607/31/2020

Lastly R43, I'd like to point out that you are the naive one, for believing that those people are straight.

by Anonymousreply 4707/31/2020

I wouldn't call it homophobia. Homophilia?Everyone wanted to fuck me and made discreet proposals. Some kissed me. I did not kiss back but maybe I should have.

by Anonymousreply 4807/31/2020

Wasn't even close to being out in HS but the screaming out of the closet gays there always seem to be a gangs with only girls in them who took care of them and the only type of homophobia was an occasional wolf whistle or giggling at them behind their backs.

by Anonymousreply 4907/31/2020

I was in deep denial in high school, yet the "gay voice" was ever-present and impossible to change. Thus, I was deemed gay by most of the jocks and mean girls who let me know what they thought on a daily basis. Luckily, my older brother was a built-like-a-brick-shithouse stoner who let it be known that anyone who laid a hand on me would have to deal with him and my best friend was the prom queen who's boyfriend was the best jock in the school. As they say, sticks and stones...I could handle the name calling. It wasn't fun, but I made it through.

by Anonymousreply 5007/31/2020

There were a couple of remarks containing insults thrown my way but nothing serious and nothing to be concerned about. Teenagers do that to each other, gay or straight.

The only serious incident occurred when the mother of one of the guys on our high school baseball team was adamant that I did not belong in the locker room or the showers. She took her concerns to the the baseball coach who told her that changing clothes and showering after practice was mandatory and there was nothing he could do about that. He also told her that her son would be free to quit the team if this would solve her problem and made it clear to her that the problem was hers and not mine. I really loved him for sticking up for me and standing by me. Her son did not quit and did tell me that he was sorry about the whole thing. I told him to not worry about it and we were always okay with each other.

My boyfriend and I were told that we could not attend the prom as a couple and were encouraged to extend an invitation to a female student. We were told it was okay to sit with each other at our table but no dancing together.

by Anonymousreply 5107/31/2020

That’s serious

by Anonymousreply 5207/31/2020

I was valedictorian of my high school class in a suburb of NYC. After my speech in front of more than 1000 people, there were shouts of “faggot” and “kike” as I walked back to my seat. My best friend tried to comfort me by saying that I should be relieved that stones weren’t thrown at me.

by Anonymousreply 5307/31/2020

I was pretty lucky, considering I came from a rural small town with more churches than stores. I think a lot of people assumed I was, given my interests, but largely adopted a “don’t ask, don’t tell” mindset. I otherwise avoided anyone who might’ve given me too hard a time had they known me better.

Towards the end of high school, I did muster up the courage to ask a friend of mine her opinion of same-sex marriage, which was becoming a heated topic in the U.S. at the time. Being a prolific churchgoer, she was against it, but at least shared her opinion in a measured way and was willing to listen to my point of view. Another girl in my glass, the typical bitchy blonde every high school has, took the “eww, disgusting” angle when it was brought up, so I steered clear of her from then on.

Several months ago, some 16 years after my friend and I talked about marriage, I received the most heartfelt apology from her. How ashamed she was of her beliefs back then, how pressured she felt to conform to her church’s stance (which she now labels brainwashing), and how sorry she was that she didn’t do the right thing and stand up for me. I was blown away. Moving away and experiencing more of the world really opened up her worldview and she did a complete turnaround. I was incredibly moved.

by Anonymousreply 5407/31/2020

My high school was staffed by alumni who earned education degrees at nearby universities and returned to teach at their alma mater. Principals, too. Small town, lots of long established cliques. My father's family was considered low class – my grandfather was the town drunk. I had two older siblings who were lackluster students and all my teachers had one of both of them as students. The expectations for me were set low. I "came out" to my family when I was seven. My parents and siblings told me never to tell anybody else.

In high school (78-82), I was a chameleon. I played trombone in the marching and concert bands, was in drama club, played football and basketball (along with five other guys, we marched at halftime in our football uniforms), was involved in student council, and lived in town rather that riding the bus. Several of my classmates called me a fag, but it was mostly older kids – guys and girls – who teased me, sometimes relentlessly. So did a few teachers.

In high school, I discovered an affinity for languages. Sophomore year, my French teacher privately told me that I was destined for great things and not to let the town's and school's expectations of me hold me back. I was an exchange student in Sweden my junior year and when I returned for senior year, I did not give a fuck. That year was abysmal socially. I had quit all school activities and basically went to school, home, and back to school. I applied to colleges, got into almost all of them, and knew I was leaving for good. I graduated third in my class of 61 students and was voted most likely to succeed. (Ha!)

My family still lives there, and I have gone back many times. Nobody has ever apologized for being antagonistic. My husband accompanied me to my twenty year reunion (my boyfriend then), while the tormentors (and their wives) sneered at us and loudly whispered their disgust. I chalked it up to their being miserable with their lives: same town, shitty jobs, obese bodies, and blaming others for their despair. By my thirty year reunion, attitudes seemed to have changed. I went alone, and I was shocked at how OLD everybody else looked. A few of them accused me of having cosmetic surgery (nope) and openly questioned me how it was that I seemed so satisfied with life. Still no apologies, but they asked about my husband and, by then, our daughter that they had "met" on Facebook. Maturity has finally set in and I let bygones be bygones. But when they recall with fond nostalgia our school years, I remind them that it was not all that sweet for some of us.

That tiny school has changed a lot since then, but not the surrounding area. These days, graduating classes are about 45 kids. There are out, gay students, but the school board refused to allow a GLSEN club to be formed. The UCC congregation in town sponsors it instead. Nearby schools call my hometown "Fagburg." Such is live in rural Ohio.

by Anonymousreply 5507/31/2020

R51 I couldn't help but notice; are you by chance related to the Grimaldi family of Monaco? I own five properties there.

by Anonymousreply 5607/31/2020

r56 I haven't a clue but I doubt it. My father was a Grimaldi from New York who knocked up my Mom in Biloxi, Mississippi while he was in the U.S. Navy. He was killed in a car crash before I was born. I know I have Grimaldi family in New York but I've met only my father's brother and that was years after my father died.

by Anonymousreply 5707/31/2020

I was badly bullied in junior high for two years. It took several years to get over it. Thankfully I had a hobby where I wasn’t bullied not once and I spent most of my time with them. We were tight group and got to some trouble here and there but almost every one of us got to universities and made good careers. Good guys. But junior high was a nightmare.

by Anonymousreply 5807/31/2020

Like many above I basically flew under the radar, and when I was picked on it was more because I was late to maturity -- I didn't go through puberty until after everyone else. It was embarrassing to be so small and puny (I eventually grew to a solid (worked-out) 6 feet and now am probably in better shape than all the others) but I managed to basically keep away from all the bullies except one, the typical jock stud who was actually pretty fucked up and as far as I know, never married or had much of a career (although I doubt he was gay). What I found most interesting is that nearly the whole class seemed very homophobic, making fag jokes and bullying the two boys who did seem (and turned to be) gay -- but when I go to the class page on Facebook, everyone's posting about gay rights (along with black lives matter and other progressive stands).

People really did grow, become more open, and change. Something nice, in another wise not very nice world.

by Anonymousreply 5907/31/2020

In my rural, middle of nowhere jr. high, other guys let me know I was gay before I really even understood what that was. My biggest tormentor in jr high and high school was a jock who made PE and lunch absolute hell for me. Right before senior year started he got drunk at a party and tried to blow another guy on the basketball team. To his credit, instead of trying to just wave it off, he came out. He was pushed off the basketball team and basically abandoned by his friends. Looking back on it I feel badly for him, and I know that deep down I would have loved to have been able to talk to him about being gay etc. because in all my four years in high school he was the only guy who was out. But he never spoke to me again after he came out, and at the time I felt a lot of schadenfreude about the whole thing.

by Anonymousreply 6007/31/2020

[quote] you're too myopic to wrap your mind around it, but it's true and it makes sense. No straight person gives a fuck about who is "on the wrong side of the Kinsey scale", and if they do, you can bet they've got some secrets and identity issues pertaining to their sexuality.

You're right about the Kinsey scale, but that still doesn't stop straight people from being homophobic. And what exactly does "straight transgender" mean? You just dress differently but you like people who have different anatomy than you?

by Anonymousreply 6107/31/2020

An overwhelming amount of stories on here support the theory that the highly homophobic are fighting internally with homosexual feelings.

Also, that a lot of people have an issue more with gender roles, masculinity or femininity, over actual sexual orientation.

by Anonymousreply 6207/31/2020

The blame for homophobia doesn't entirely fall on gay men. Sorry. Straight people can be assholes too.

by Anonymousreply 6307/31/2020

I offered to blow Larry P serveral times in the auditorium and behind the bleachers in the gym and the bitch wouldn't let me.

I'm still hurt by it.

by Anonymousreply 6407/31/2020

Saying that straight people can't possibly be homophobic is like saying that white people can't possibly be racist. Just because someone belongs to the dominant culture (numerically speaking), doesn't mean that that person can't be insecure, or can't parrot the things the he/she hears at home or from the church pulpit. That applies equally to racist bullying and to sexual orientation bullying. To think otherwise, is to be very naive. I would agree that people who are VERY secure in their sexual orientation are LESS likely to feel threatened by people of other sexual orientations, but I would wager that many if not most teens are somewhat insecure in their sexual orientations - meaning, they're curious. If boys, they might find themselves checking out the bodies of their peers in the locker room, etc, then wondering if that means they're gay.

Like some of the others above have mentioned, I was nerdy in high school. I graduated as valedictorian of my class of 250 or so. It was an all-boys Catholic high school. I was also an accomplished, prize-winning musician, who competed in regional and national competitions. I played for the glee club, played for high-school musicals, etc. So I was very visible in my school and couldn't fly under the radar. Although I'm sure I was far from the most masculine-acting guy in school, I wouldn't say I remember being particularly bullied. If I was, I let it wash over me. In fact, some of the people I would have expected to bully me seemed more interested in keeping me on their good sides, since I was usually good for the answer to a math problem or the translation of a Latin sentence they needed to turn in during the next period. I also belonged to the clique of bright kids who were involved in a lot of activities, and there was a bit of strength in numbers. While I knew I was gay from the reading that I was doing outside of school, I hadn't the slightest clue how to go about meeting other gay people or becoming sexually active and how to square being gay with my religious upbringing. Consequently, I was 21 and out of college before I stuck my toe in the water and never looked back. Given that I was living in NYC by then and only 2 years AIDS became the dominant headline, there were times I regretted the 5 or 6 years of relatively worry-free sexual activity I could have had and didn't

by Anonymousreply 6507/31/2020

2 years LATER ^^^

by Anonymousreply 6607/31/2020

No one is saying that straights can’t be homophobic. It’s simply visible in hindsight, with good examples, that many men who are extreme homophones have some sort of vested interest in denouncing homosexuals.

by Anonymousreply 6707/31/2020

And the interest in denouncing gay men stems from their interest in being seen as "a manly man" or to maintain popularity among their peers... or they're one of those tards who doesn't understand how gay men can exist.

by Anonymousreply 6807/31/2020

Went to a big high school in a fairly rough white working class area in the 70's. 60% of my year were from solo parent families. Thankfully I flew way under the radar, experienced some bullying but gave as good as I got. Threw a desk at one guy, it went through a window. Luckily he wasnt armed that day, knives and the ocassional gun werent uncommon, ditto drugs etc, plenty of weed available and sometimes harder shit. Students fell into two categories, co-operative and life threatening, I was the former. I was less trouble than many, depending on the class, stuff I was interested in I knuckled down and worked my ass off, stuff i wasnt I got bored and caused shit.

I wasnt even out to myself until I turned 16. There were definitely other gay kids at my school, most flying under the radar. The kid next door was purportedly "straight" but was carrying on a relationship with a very pretty boy that lived down the street, got away with it cos he could fuck you up good in a fight as I learned the hard way one time. I got picked on a bit because I was a little bit different, but other wore it a hell of lot worse than me, plus I didnt take shit from nobody

The girls never really gave me much strife as they were too busy fucking around, trying not to get pregnant and fighting each other. Catfights were a not uncommon spectacle, as was the odd scrap the boys had from time to time. One of my friends got hassled sometimes so he took to carrying a knife, that wasnt unusual, he did get bust with it during one of the weapons searches

by Anonymousreply 6907/31/2020

I went to a terrible school and was bullied from about 7 until I left at 17. Graffiti saying 'XX is a dyke' or 'XX is a poof' would stay on a wall for weeks before it was cleaned off, kids were openly attacked in class, jokes and bullying were ignored by teachers, it just went on and on. It wasn't just gay or lesbian kids who bore the brunt of it, anyone who was read as slightly less than perfectly masculine or feminine was open game.

I used to fight back when it felt okay to do so and I had a good circle of friends but the one experience that really frightened me was when a gay guy in the year above was murdered. He was chased home from school one day, had an asthma attack and died. Everyone knew what had happened and why, just as we all knew it wasn't an accident when one of the teachers who was read as a lesbian fell down a flight of stairs and cracked her head open. A few years after I left I bumped into her at a gay pub and she explained that the school was just a festering pit of homophobia and racism from top to bottom.

I've had my therapy and moved on but I'll never understand why not one teacher ever had the courage to speak out. The LGBT teachers get a pass, they had enough to deal with, but all the straight adults completely fucked up in their duty of care and, even worse, pretended they didn't even know.

by Anonymousreply 7007/31/2020

I can confirm that many young straight people were very cruel. Not every homophobe is a closet case. Some are, but not all.

by Anonymousreply 7107/31/2020

R48 lol - tell us more!

by Anonymousreply 7207/31/2020

Thank for sharing R53.

“The dogs may bark, but the caravan moves on.”

by Anonymousreply 7307/31/2020

R71 do you think those people were objectively straight, or just overly concerned with fitting in?

I'm telling you with utmost sincerity, there are less than ten genuinely straight humans in the population and zillions of avid fakers.

by Anonymousreply 7407/31/2020


I am a non-binary transgender. I was born with natural roles that are both male and female. I fix cars, build incredible and extravagant houses, take care of animals and kids, repair and build electronics and have a history as a successful makeup artist and hairstylist. I'm the best dancer I know of, too, but I'm also a veteran gang member since childhood and an excellent marksman. There are no better athletes out there than myself, either. I'm self-taught in virtually all of the above.

I was born female and do not plan on getting any type of gender reassignment surgery. I am exclusively attracted to men and I occupy a natural female body, hence the label straight transgender.

However, my gender identity isn't female. I never hit puberty, I've never had a period and I'm seven feet tall and I weigh well under a hundred pounds. If I revealed my weight, people would be mad at me, or accuse me of lying. I am somewhat of an anomaly, not to be mistaken for a special snowflake.

(I'm glad my face looks feminine and I have a nice bone structure, full lips, long eyelashes, thick straight red hair and perfect teeth, otherwise guys might not pay me any mind.)

I don't ever dress or present as male, though I've had short hair before. I'm fashion-conscious and original in terms of dress style. My gender identity is more male than I'll ever be comfortable with, though.

I'll post pics someday. You'd be able to tell by my appearance that I'm both trans and straight. I've heard people say I look both.

I believe the primary technical term for my gender ID is Nu, which is progressive and neither male nor female and secondary to Nu, male. So that makes me a "Nu-man", although I'm physically and biologically female.

by Anonymousreply 7507/31/2020

I graduated in 1977 from a small private school in rural Georgia. Most of the popular guys teased me daily about being 'different' especially in my junior and senior year. In a class of 53, we had 5 gay graduates although none of us would admit it at the time. Luckily I was able to escape the small town and develop my talents in college which has led to a very successful career.

Although repeatedly asked, I always avoid any sort of reunion thing. In truth with some exceptions, I only have unpleasant memories of those years and I have almost nothing in common with any of my former classmates. But, I will be forever grateful for my homosexuality as it got me out of that boring existence.

by Anonymousreply 7607/31/2020

I graduated from high school in Texas in the 80s. My experience was similar to what has already been posted. I'm now a high school teacher in an east coast city's suburb. The kids today are worlds more sophisticated, empathetic, and welcoming than back in our day. I know that isn't the point of the thread, but I hope you guys know that times have changed for the better for the gaylings of today. Fortunately.

by Anonymousreply 7707/31/2020

R77 they’re not “gay” just closeted Trans.

by Anonymousreply 7807/31/2020

R77 perhaps that means that Trumptardism is a last-gasp phenomenon.

by Anonymousreply 7907/31/2020

I knew a boy in elementary school who was a real bully to everyone. Punched a girl in the face once, said I sounded like a girl, etc. He eventually moved and we all gladly forgot about him.

Years later, I looked him up on FB on a whim, and saw he’d posted a long winded rant in defence of Kim Davis. Didn’t surprise me in the least. What DID surprise me is when I stumbled onto his profile a few years later and saw he’d gotten a man!

by Anonymousreply 8007/31/2020

The self-hating closet cases are the worst.

by Anonymousreply 8107/31/2020

This doesn't qualify as being in high school, but it does qualify as sad homophobia.

I was a junior in college, living in a fraternity. I shared a room with a frat brother who was the same age as me, and we had known each other for more than two years. Neither of us was out, but we did have deep conversations and felt an emotional connection.

So one night for whatever reason, this roommate and I both fell asleep on the couch, and in complete darkness and under the pretense of silent curiosity, engaged in some touching, and then we wound up jerking each other off. Almost right away, I was sorry it happened. I wasn't really attracted to him, I was just horny. There was a weird vibe for a couple of days after that, he was quiet and wouldn't make eye contact with me. That was fine with me, as a new semester was starting and we would no longer be roommates.

But then he started seeking me out for sex, late at night and waking me up in bed, usually after getting drunk. If I rejected him, he would later bully and embarrass me in front of others, call me a faggot, make jokes about me being gay. If I submitted, as I sometimes did, he would leave me alone for a while, I think this was because after every time we had sex he felt guilt and shame. (He was not sexy to me, I never once kissed him.) It was an awful cycle that went on right up until we graduated. After we graduated, he would get drunk and call me on the phone in the middle of the night. At the same time, among our friends and behind my back, he would make fun of me and call me a fag.

A few years ago, I was meeting up with some frat brothers and his name came up in conversation. None of us had heard from him in forever, and we didn't even know where he was now. All of them have known that I was out of the closet for decades. But this guy never came out, and my speculation is that he probably has a serious drinking problem.

The closet kills.

by Anonymousreply 8207/31/2020

I wrote above. Had it easier then most even though it was early/ mid 80’s. Not a lot of homophobia in my school. I knew when & where i could be fully out - where it was safe . My mother was a very difficult person - i came out in 10th grade & she wasn’t evil about it but was not happy about it either (my dad worked abroad & was hardly around so almost everything was great about his children ) my mother would say i’d have a lonely life because gay guys didn’t have relationships. (She never mentioned sex because it made her uncomfortable & i believe because nyc was being ravished by aids) She had gay friends but i believe she didn’t take them seriously - maybe saw them as clowns or camp. We moved to Connecticut my last two years of high school (i boarded during the week, home on weekends) it was then that she lost all influence on me (making me feel bad about being gay) My homophobe was my mother

by Anonymousreply 8307/31/2020

I went to a Catholic secondary school in Scotland from the late 70s to early 80s. It was absolute hell. I was physically bullied and called all the usual names by other students and by teachers, but I couldn’t call it out because that would mean acknowledging the truth that I was gay. It was the elephant in the corner that everyone avoided talking about honestly. Coupled with a very unhappy home life (amazingly fucked up, emotionally abusive parents), I had a miserable time. I begged my parents to transfer me to another school. They didn’t care. As an adult I have met people I was at school with who knew what I was being subjected to, but felt powerless to defend me. They were scared of being associated with me in case they got the same treatment.

by Anonymousreply 8407/31/2020

I graduated in 1981.

Was bullied (or scorned, really - I here wasn’t anything physical) - for being smart and nerdy (my buddies and I said rated the school dungeons and dragons club)

Got called fag and gay simply because I was smart and didn’t play sports.

That changed in college - no bullying at all.

Just lots of internalized homophobia and guilt.

by Anonymousreply 8508/01/2020

I still bear the scars...don’t like to think about it much. Only when I have my biweekly shrink sessions.

by Anonymousreply 8608/01/2020

Middle school was actually worse for me. Out of the three bullies, one later came out, genuinely apologized at a bar years later, and even bought me a few rounds of scotch.

The second has been in and out of jail on all kinds of charges, mainly drugs. At one point, he was selling drugs out of a motel, RIGHT NEXT TO THE STATE POLICE BARRACKS in our home town. Absolute human trash.

The third is currently serving a sentence of tweity-five to life in state prison. He was selling heroin, and shot up a customer (who asked him to), who then died from said injection. His girlfriend at the time (who was present for the crime) was a year younger than us, and died in a car accident before she could be arraigned. She wasn't even twenty-five.

On another tragic note: Her older brother (not involved in any of this, and a year older than us) later died of cancer. He was in his late twenties. They were their parents' only children. I always felt bad for the parents. I met Mr. 25-Life's mother once, and she was a lovely person.

So, yeah. The last two bullies fucked themselves, which is absolutely delicious. Ha-ha!

by Anonymousreply 8708/01/2020

[quote]I'm seven feet tall and I weigh well under a hundred pounds.

How is that humanly possible?

by Anonymousreply 8808/01/2020

I graduated HS in 1982. I was smart, respectful, quiet, hardworking and pretty much kept to myself. In Jr. HS (7-9th) I was bullied severely. There was one group of kids who took it upon themselves to make my life as miserable as possible. The were coordinated, relentless and cruel. One of them would be waiting for me to leave class (unless one of them was in the class) and follow me, threatening to beat me after school (which they often did), knock books out of my hands, trip me etc. I used to run out of class, and up or down one flight, then back over to my locker or next class to try to lose them. I made the mistake of joining the boys club and was actually enjoying swimming lessons and slot cars and began to make friends. My parents were overjoyed, as I usually stayed in my room studying, reading or watching movies. That ended quickly when I found out one of these kids was a member. He actually planned an attack and had his 16/17 y.o. cousins join in (I was 14). While I was in the shower after swim, they threw away everything in my locker. When I opened the empty locker, I began to walk around the room thinking I must have forgotten which locker I used. That's when I was cornered by these 3 boys. They began punching and kicking me, put my head in the sink and ran hot water on me and burnt my face and neck, then dragged me over to the deep end of the pool and threw me in (of course I could not swim yet). There were other boys around and even the life guard, who did absolutely nothing. How I managed to get out, find my clothes in the trash (well most of them) and walk home I'll never know. My parent's brought me to the ER, nothing broken, but lots of contusions and burns. A police officer came to take a statement (called by a nurse) and he was actually making fag jokes. I was crushed, and lapsed into a deep depression. I stopped going to school - I would pretend I was going, but just hung out in other buildings near by till my parents left for work, then went back home. Finally, the truant officer visited my mother at work (she was a nurse) and when she came home we talked and it all came out. I hadn't told them about the bullies. She went to school with me the next day and talked to the principal. He gave me a scare speech about how truancy could get me arrested and how I would be raped in boys prison - nice. He sent me to the guidance office, and counselor tried to be nice, but really was no help. Thankfully my pragmatic mother booked me with a competent therapist, who I credit with saving my life. The bullies dialed it back a little bit, but not entirely, and I was able to finish the year. The rest of my public school life was pretty horrible, but nothing as bad as 8th grade. To this day I am a bit shell shocked and pretty fragile emotionally, although my outward appearance wouldn't clue you in to the storm of anxiety constantly churning inside. I think for kids today, with social media, it's much worse. If I had a kid that bullied, I think I'd beat the living daylights out of him.

by Anonymousreply 8908/01/2020

I was with you R89 until your last sentence. Would you really beat up your child for being a bully? A bit harsh, eh?

by Anonymousreply 9008/01/2020

No R89 I don't think I would beat my child under any conditions. I was never hit by my parents. It's just that I would take it very seriously and make sure they understood the harm they can cause even with little comments.

by Anonymousreply 9108/01/2020

I'm sorry I meant R90 -

by Anonymousreply 9208/01/2020

R89, I understand exactly how you feel. When you're bullied over a long period of time, it's like being in a war zone. You're always on edge, not knowing when and where the next grenade will be fired at you. Once you have that feeling, I don't think it ever goes away.

by Anonymousreply 9308/01/2020

yes R93 it's like the anxiety just takes over. To this day I get anxious when inside a building if I can't see the door, or if a stranger walks too closely - they used to stick me with needles and pencils walking closely to me. I don't like to have anyone behind me either.

by Anonymousreply 9408/01/2020

R88 I've been a vegetarian for nearly my whole life and I don't binge eat or drink alcohol. I was born weighing next to nothing, too.

by Anonymousreply 9508/01/2020

not high school but one time in 4th grade, my teacher castigated me in front of my classmates for being effeminate. and she was a closeted lesbian herself! rumor was she was in a bad mood that day - she got in a fight with her gf and she took it out on me.

by Anonymousreply 9608/01/2020

The little cocksuckers deserved all I gave out!

by Anonymousreply 9708/01/2020

I was called faggot so much at home that I was used to it by the time I got to high school. Sometimes even the teachers would join in. Sometimes I would fight, sometimes I wouldn’t. My older brother was ruthless in his attacks on my sexuality. And his friends too and he seldom came to my defense. There was no one to turn to. Even my beloved grandparents, especially my grandmother, would complain that I wasn’t masculine enough like her other grandsons. That shit hurt. It still does. Then I had to put up with that shit when I joined the Navy. Twice I had to fight off sexual assaults and when guys weren’t calling me gay or worse they were asking me about blowjobs or butt fucking me in the ships storerooms where I worked. Even when I dated women to fit in, the aggressive gays would taunt me...”we know you’re just pretending...”. Combined with my dysfunctional family life and upbringing, each trauma piled onto the next and after my father’s death from a booze induced heart attack, I attempted suicide. I was taken off my ship and placed on limited duty. My department head was furious with me, because he had to request my billet be filled which would take months. To get even with me, he gave me the worst evils of my career. As a result I was unable to take advancement exams. But I was put on limited duty on shore. But my boss was a civilian woman who made my life hell. I finally got out of the Navy with an honorable discharge. I applied for disability and they only gave me ten percent which I had for twenty years. Only three years ago after my shrink had me undergo a psychiatric evaluation which he sent to a veterans advocacy group was I able to get an increase. I suffer from PTSD, depression and OCD. Pretty much a basket case. The board decided that the attempted rapes in the Navy as well as the antidepressant they gave me (which made me feel even more psychotic) contributed to my breakdown. Then I struggled with my weight, a no-no in the gay world. My family background and negative military experience colored my relationships, romantic and platonic. At least now I am sober and can better deal with my problems. But I am a bitter person. Few friends because I can’t stand being around people. Not living in my mom’s basement, I have a job and own my house and even have a bit of money. But the scars tear me apart sometimes. The memories and flashbacks are awful and can strike out of the blue. I may ask for a therapy dog. This is no excuse for my salty posts which some of y’all will find by doing a search, but it is a reason.

by Anonymousreply 9808/01/2020

if all that is true, R98, you have gone through more than just about anyone on DL. Hope you can sometimes find some sense of peace in your life. Wish we could help you.

by Anonymousreply 9908/01/2020

R98 You win. Well, for what’s it’s worth we’re your friends, even if it is anonymously and we’re cunts. I hope you find some peace and happiness.

by Anonymousreply 10008/01/2020

It’s true r99, I wish that it wasn’t. Thanks r100...I am a work in progress.

by Anonymousreply 10108/01/2020

#14, gay teachers in a Catholic school?? Were they crucified?

by Anonymousreply 10208/01/2020

I was popular and outgoing in grade school, the class clown, got mostly A's. But puberty brought on a confusing separation, as kids didn't want to associate with any boy not into sports and girls (getting chubby and acne made it worse). So except for a few bullying tormentors who seemed to look for me around every corner, I was mostly ostracized, ignored, invisible.

by Anonymousreply 10308/01/2020

Hi Barry,

I appreciated your thoughtful piece. I could relate to some extent. I'm from the late 80s/early 90s as far as the years you referenced. I don't think my experience was as traumatic as yours. Or maybe I just repressed what happened to me. But, I can relate to not ascribing to any sexuality, keeping my head down, and just focusing on my studies.

I never found a partner and I haven't shared your professional success, so you have a lot to be proud of. It sounds like you're in a much better place, but sometimes feel a reminder of the horrors you went through. Thanks again for sharing.


by Anonymousreply 10408/01/2020

Thanks, Cinesnatch, for your kind words. I wish you the very best in love & life.

by Anonymousreply 10508/01/2020

Graduated in 2009. I was pretty flaming but I heard only one insulting remark directed at me in those four years. That's probably because I went to so-called "gymnasium", which is a European type of high school that only "smart" people go to (and the one I attended was a pretty elite one), so luckily we didn't have many homophobic idiots around.

by Anonymousreply 10608/02/2020

I was pretty popular but did have a few run ins with the HS thugs. This was back in the early 60's so things were different. I did manage to give a few of my classmates a bj's, maybe that was why I was popular.

by Anonymousreply 10708/02/2020

High school was better than JHS. Private school better than public. All of it was pure hell. Therapy helped a lot.

by Anonymousreply 10808/02/2020

R41 You identify as a straight female? I'm so lost.

by Anonymousreply 10908/03/2020

R75 What the fuck does that have to do with homophobia, or gay men? Why are you posting on a thread of gay men's stories about experiencing homophobia?

You think you might be out of place here, hmm?

by Anonymousreply 11008/03/2020

Where I went to high school, in the Midwest in the early 70s, it was as though homosexuality simply did not exist. The town high school was pretty large (I graduated in a class of about 400), but we had not a single out gay student, counselor, teacher, or administrator. We had no Sex Ed. class, so the topic never came up in school at all. The only thing I remember was an occasional "You homo!" as a sort of generic insult tossed out randomly, not because someone was suspected of being gay but because they had just done something stupid.

I was a late bloomer and deeply conflicted and closeted. I was also a band nerd, student nerd, overweight, awkward, and socially inept. My memories of high school are that I was basically invisible. Nobody cared enough about me to bully me, for which I guess I should be grateful, given the horror stories that I've heard from some others.

by Anonymousreply 11108/03/2020
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