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Lindseyland

One day, in the foothills of the Carolinas, there will be a fabulous amusement park that will rival Dollywood.

Let's be the scenery, sounds, rides, dining, shows, shops, costumes, hosts, guest entertainers, visitors, etc., featured at Lindseyland.

For evening adult entertainment, I offer Lá Sènatrice's cat and mouse game.

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by Anonymousreply 9208/04/2020

The teacup ride will feature replica hand-painted bone china cups in which to sit and spin. They will be decorated in the most graceful of authentic antique patterns.

It's always 4 o'clock in the adjoining tearoom/garden, filled with coy, discreet tables in private cubbyholes, and staffed by smartly-dressed young men.

by Anonymousreply 107/28/2020

Fox News can run shows from there.

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by Anonymousreply 207/28/2020

The "Pirates of the Carolinas" will feature animatronic Lady Gs chasing half-naked big black bucks as the Lady Gs hoist their petticoats coquettishly and offer salt-water taffy.

by Anonymousreply 307/28/2020

Ladybug amusement rides

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by Anonymousreply 407/28/2020

This park will have a pub!

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by Anonymousreply 507/28/2020

I thought you were referring to Lindsey Lohan and I got excited.....

by Anonymousreply 607/28/2020

Lindz's park shop sells golf balls.

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by Anonymousreply 707/29/2020

For Miz Lindz's "Hall of Menz", she'll pay top dollar for this statue:

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by Anonymousreply 807/29/2020

Must have a petting zoo.

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by Anonymousreply 907/29/2020

A miniature golf course where you play into a giant orange anus

by Anonymousreply 1007/29/2020

Wearing masks will be optional. Masks impede fun.

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by Anonymousreply 1107/29/2020

Join us every evening for mint juleps in The Sanitary Cafe as our fabulous celebrity guests judge the nightly drag queen parade. Bonus points for the contestants who best incorporate the Palmetto state theme in their Carmen Miranda costumes.

by Anonymousreply 1207/29/2020

Waterpark with the 10-story Slippery Slope made entirely of Russian rubles!

by Anonymousreply 1307/29/2020

The gift shop has an array of themed children's books.

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by Anonymousreply 1407/29/2020

No benches for the weary: Fainting couches!

by Anonymousreply 1507/29/2020

Each afternoon tea is served in The Boudoir.

by Anonymousreply 1607/29/2020

"Carolinas?"

WHAT?

NO!

by Anonymousreply 1707/29/2020

At closing time, the staff say only “Good day to you, sir” and “I said good day!”

by Anonymousreply 1807/29/2020

"Putin's Bitch" is an after hours, gentlemen only club for dads once the wife & the kiddies are safely tucked back in their hotel rooms

by Anonymousreply 1907/29/2020

VIP guests are assigned an alpha male to follow around and suck up to.

by Anonymousreply 2007/29/2020

Every night, the park puts on a fireworks show. At that time, the Katy Perry song, "Firework" plays on the intercom system, followed by all of her albums in full. Male dancers perform to Katy's music at the exit gates.

by Anonymousreply 2107/29/2020

Nightly live theater performances of GLASS MENAGERIE, CAT ON A HOT TIN ROOF, and SUDDENLY LAST SUMMER.

by Anonymousreply 2207/29/2020

LINDSEYLAND will be open for everyone ( whose first language is English).

by Anonymousreply 2307/29/2020

Colored guests are welcome the third Thursday of each month.

by Anonymousreply 2407/29/2020

Shirts are NOT required at this park.

by Anonymousreply 2507/29/2020

Guests are urged to carry parasols at the height of the day.

by Anonymousreply 2607/29/2020

My favorite attractive: Golfing With Trumpy

by Anonymousreply 2707/29/2020

An Old Tyme Photo Studio, where you can dress as Scarlett or Aunt Pittypat

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by Anonymousreply 2807/29/2020

R24 is correct. And people of the Jewish persuasion are welcome on the second Tuesday of every month.

by Anonymousreply 2907/29/2020

R28 is correct too, except guests can take souvenir photos that make it appear that they are standing next to DJT, Mike Pence, Mitch McConnell or Susan Collins. A heartwarming keepsake.

by Anonymousreply 3007/29/2020

"Colored guests are welcome the third Thursday of each month."

But in Lindsey's boudoir, every day is Negro Day!

by Anonymousreply 3107/29/2020

The Tunnel of Forbidden Love, where you can discreetly cuddle with your secret gentleman caller

by Anonymousreply 3207/29/2020

The artwork on the walls of the LadyG theater is alluring. This one may be called: "Two Impatient Gentleman Caller ballers".

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by Anonymousreply 3307/29/2020

In front of each ride is a sign with a cartoon character holding a ruler. The character says "You must be this tall to ride."

After 10 p.m., the Lady G-force ride opens. It has a similar sign, but the ruler is only 1.5 feet long, and it's horizontal.

by Anonymousreply 3407/29/2020

Damn! Lindseyland sure loves to blast a lot of Paul Anka music through the audio system. One supposes that helps make visitors feel festive.

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by Anonymousreply 3507/29/2020

All of the walkways have been constructed to look like yellow-brick roads.

by Anonymousreply 3607/29/2020

R14 where can I get my hands on that fabulouso toilet brush???

by Anonymousreply 3707/29/2020
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by Anonymousreply 3807/29/2020

R37 I actually received one as a holiday gift from a relative. I use it to scrub the toilet. It came from a store in Maryland, a D.C. suburb. Versions can be found online.

by Anonymousreply 3907/29/2020

The Haunted Antebellum Mansion - haunted by the ghosts of uppity slaves, who demand pesky things like "freedom" and "civil rights"

by Anonymousreply 4007/29/2020

Two days per year in the park, one in the spring and one in the early fall, are reserved for only father-son visitors. Special activities are planned.

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by Anonymousreply 4107/29/2020

You can ride the mechanical giant dildo like a bull for 3 red tickets. Level 5 of the dildo is the G spot speed.

by Anonymousreply 4207/29/2020

Guess who leads the nightly Parade of Our Dominion, starting at the Tea House and ending at the Closet of Love Bumper Car & Back Room Pavilion?

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by Anonymousreply 4307/29/2020

For Democratic black politicians, the resident artist will do a portrait of you with darker skin tone.

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by Anonymousreply 4407/29/2020

Masks WILL be available, r11.

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by Anonymousreply 4507/29/2020

The Hall of Divas - Lindseyland's version of the Hall of Presidents

by Anonymousreply 4607/29/2020

At Lindseyland's Hannity Educational Center, the Trump endorsed medical expert on Astral Sex and Alien DNA, will provide lectures on the coronavirus.

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by Anonymousreply 4707/29/2020

Oh, nooo!

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by Anonymousreply 4807/29/2020

Can there be a Lezzyland to go next to the Hagatorium?

by Anonymousreply 4907/29/2020
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by Anonymousreply 5007/29/2020

I liked the It's a Small-Minded World attraction

by Anonymousreply 5107/29/2020

Bump

by Anonymousreply 5207/29/2020

Adjoining the park is is the exclusive LindseyLinks golf course.

Chris Christie, Kellyanne, and Trump would certainly enjoy LindseyLinks.

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by Anonymousreply 5307/29/2020

LindseyLinks is also the name of the hot dogs served at all park snack bars.

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by Anonymousreply 5407/29/2020

Susan Collins bobblehead available in the Gift Shoppe.

by Anonymousreply 5507/29/2020

I'm very concerned about that

by Anonymousreply 5607/29/2020

It's no fun when EVERY ride goes into a mock-up of his ass!

by Anonymousreply 5707/29/2020

I'm the Sambo's restaurant located in the park! We're taking a stand again those commie liberals and their political correctness!

by Anonymousreply 5807/29/2020

R49 that’s the Grand Ole Hagatorium, & yes, Loretta Lynne Lezzieland aggressively abutts.

by Anonymousreply 5907/30/2020

The pastry shop is unbeatable!

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by Anonymousreply 6007/30/2020
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by Anonymousreply 6107/30/2020

Feff

by Anonymousreply 6207/30/2020

The Hall of President - just one hall full of Trump statues

by Anonymousreply 6307/30/2020
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by Anonymousreply 6407/30/2020

Republican only men's' rooms where each stall has an Old Glory Hole.

by Anonymousreply 6507/30/2020

R65. There's also a recreation area devoted to such.

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by Anonymousreply 6607/30/2020

Have your morning coffee before heading onto the J. Pirro BikeTrail of Lindseyland.

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by Anonymousreply 6707/30/2020

The restroom will be called Senator Craig's Office

by Anonymousreply 6807/30/2020

Every fourth Thurday of every month, festivities will be exclusive for lesbians.

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by Anonymousreply 6907/30/2020

I'd love to be enchanted by this man. Please make this a thing.

by Anonymousreply 7007/30/2020

The New Year's Eve celebration at Lindseyland will be special!

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by Anonymousreply 7107/30/2020

I think everyone is getting that Lindseyland is filthy, baudy, fun, DIRTY, trashy, cheap, racey, dangerous, eXXXciting!!!

by Anonymousreply 7207/30/2020

Is there a foam party room,?

by Anonymousreply 7307/30/2020

The nightly ghost tour is very spooky. It concludes at the Milton Berle--Bone Spurs Penis Caverns.

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by Anonymousreply 7407/30/2020

The botanical garden has the Senatrix touch.

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by Anonymousreply 7507/30/2020

SENIORS DAY

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by Anonymousreply 7607/31/2020

Хороший танец для La Senatrice. Такая милая леди.

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by Anonymousreply 7707/31/2020

Lindsay will personally host the Saturday Lemon Party.

by Anonymousreply 7807/31/2020

Experience the thrills and spills on the "Miss Lindsay's Wild Ride!"

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by Anonymousreply 7907/31/2020

Don't knock the pastry shop. Yummy!

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by Anonymousreply 8007/31/2020

rides galore

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by Anonymousreply 8107/31/2020

When La Senatrix makes an appearance, gentleman callers must wait in line to visit her abode's parlor.

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by Anonymousreply 8207/31/2020

Don't forget the mustache rides, R81.

by Anonymousreply 8307/31/2020

Each morning at sunrise join Mizz Linsdey at the Wailing Wall. It features a life size portrait of Big John McCain.

by Anonymousreply 8407/31/2020

At the park's Pompeo theater, Mame will be showing while ticket holders will be enjoying buckets of "crawdaddies", corn on the cob, and pecan pie using Sarah Huckabee's (really Sara Lee's) special recipe.

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by Anonymousreply 8508/01/2020

"We'll get started with the follies as soon as Diamond & Silk get here".

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by Anonymousreply 8608/01/2020

If happened, it would be another DJT property purchased from laundered loans from a Russian oligarch, but soon afterwards, goes into bankruptcy.

by Anonymousreply 8708/02/2020

Lindseyland only accepts Rubles, massive amounts of government pork & on Honesty Tuesdays: Gay Dollars 💵

by Anonymousreply 8808/02/2020

Sounds like a lovely place.

by Anonymousreply 8908/02/2020

Staff parking decal:

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by Anonymousreply 9008/03/2020

The glass coffee table ride is an eye-opener!

by Anonymousreply 9108/04/2020

All the doors hold whores and the tricks say "Di-VOON!"

In Miss Lindsey's Tea-ki Tea-ki TEA-ki ROOM!

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by Anonymousreply 9208/04/2020
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