Lindseyland

The teacup ride will feature replica hand-painted bone china cups in which to sit and spin. They will be decorated in the most graceful of authentic antique patterns.

It's always 4 o'clock in the adjoining tearoom/garden, filled with coy, discreet tables in private cubbyholes, and staffed by smartly-dressed young men.

Fox News can run shows from there.

The "Pirates of the Carolinas" will feature animatronic Lady Gs chasing half-naked big black bucks as the Lady Gs hoist their petticoats coquettishly and offer salt-water taffy.

Ladybug amusement rides

This park will have a pub!

I thought you were referring to Lindsey Lohan and I got excited.....

Lindz's park shop sells golf balls.

For Miz Lindz's "Hall of Menz", she'll pay top dollar for this statue:

Must have a petting zoo.

A miniature golf course where you play into a giant orange anus

Wearing masks will be optional. Masks impede fun.

Join us every evening for mint juleps in The Sanitary Cafe as our fabulous celebrity guests judge the nightly drag queen parade. Bonus points for the contestants who best incorporate the Palmetto state theme in their Carmen Miranda costumes.

Waterpark with the 10-story Slippery Slope made entirely of Russian rubles!

The gift shop has an array of themed children's books.

No benches for the weary: Fainting couches!

Each afternoon tea is served in The Boudoir.

"Carolinas?"

WHAT?

NO!

At closing time, the staff say only “Good day to you, sir” and “I said good day!”

"Putin's Bitch" is an after hours, gentlemen only club for dads once the wife & the kiddies are safely tucked back in their hotel rooms

VIP guests are assigned an alpha male to follow around and suck up to.

Every night, the park puts on a fireworks show. At that time, the Katy Perry song, "Firework" plays on the intercom system, followed by all of her albums in full. Male dancers perform to Katy's music at the exit gates.

Nightly live theater performances of GLASS MENAGERIE, CAT ON A HOT TIN ROOF, and SUDDENLY LAST SUMMER.

LINDSEYLAND will be open for everyone ( whose first language is English).

Colored guests are welcome the third Thursday of each month.

Shirts are NOT required at this park.

Guests are urged to carry parasols at the height of the day.

My favorite attractive: Golfing With Trumpy

An Old Tyme Photo Studio, where you can dress as Scarlett or Aunt Pittypat

R24 is correct. And people of the Jewish persuasion are welcome on the second Tuesday of every month.

R28 is correct too, except guests can take souvenir photos that make it appear that they are standing next to DJT, Mike Pence, Mitch McConnell or Susan Collins. A heartwarming keepsake.

"Colored guests are welcome the third Thursday of each month."

But in Lindsey's boudoir, every day is Negro Day!

The Tunnel of Forbidden Love, where you can discreetly cuddle with your secret gentleman caller

The artwork on the walls of the LadyG theater is alluring. This one may be called: "Two Impatient Gentleman Caller ballers".

In front of each ride is a sign with a cartoon character holding a ruler. The character says "You must be this tall to ride."

After 10 p.m., the Lady G-force ride opens. It has a similar sign, but the ruler is only 1.5 feet long, and it's horizontal.

Damn! Lindseyland sure loves to blast a lot of Paul Anka music through the audio system. One supposes that helps make visitors feel festive.

All of the walkways have been constructed to look like yellow-brick roads.

R14 where can I get my hands on that fabulouso toilet brush???

R37 I actually received one as a holiday gift from a relative. I use it to scrub the toilet. It came from a store in Maryland, a D.C. suburb. Versions can be found online.

The Haunted Antebellum Mansion - haunted by the ghosts of uppity slaves, who demand pesky things like "freedom" and "civil rights"

Two days per year in the park, one in the spring and one in the early fall, are reserved for only father-son visitors. Special activities are planned.

You can ride the mechanical giant dildo like a bull for 3 red tickets. Level 5 of the dildo is the G spot speed.

Guess who leads the nightly Parade of Our Dominion, starting at the Tea House and ending at the Closet of Love Bumper Car & Back Room Pavilion?

For Democratic black politicians, the resident artist will do a portrait of you with darker skin tone.

Masks WILL be available, r11.

The Hall of Divas - Lindseyland's version of the Hall of Presidents

At Lindseyland's Hannity Educational Center, the Trump endorsed medical expert on Astral Sex and Alien DNA, will provide lectures on the coronavirus.

Oh, nooo!

Can there be a Lezzyland to go next to the Hagatorium?

I liked the It's a Small-Minded World attraction

Bump

Adjoining the park is is the exclusive LindseyLinks golf course.

Chris Christie, Kellyanne, and Trump would certainly enjoy LindseyLinks.

LindseyLinks is also the name of the hot dogs served at all park snack bars.

Susan Collins bobblehead available in the Gift Shoppe.

I'm very concerned about that

It's no fun when EVERY ride goes into a mock-up of his ass!

I'm the Sambo's restaurant located in the park! We're taking a stand again those commie liberals and their political correctness!

R49 that’s the Grand Ole Hagatorium, & yes, Loretta Lynne Lezzieland aggressively abutts.

The pastry shop is unbeatable!

Feff

The Hall of President - just one hall full of Trump statues

Republican only men's' rooms where each stall has an Old Glory Hole.

R65. There's also a recreation area devoted to such.

Have your morning coffee before heading onto the J. Pirro BikeTrail of Lindseyland.

The restroom will be called Senator Craig's Office

Every fourth Thurday of every month, festivities will be exclusive for lesbians.

I'd love to be enchanted by this man. Please make this a thing.

The New Year's Eve celebration at Lindseyland will be special!

I think everyone is getting that Lindseyland is filthy, baudy, fun, DIRTY, trashy, cheap, racey, dangerous, eXXXciting!!!

Is there a foam party room,?

The nightly ghost tour is very spooky. It concludes at the Milton Berle--Bone Spurs Penis Caverns.

The botanical garden has the Senatrix touch.

SENIORS DAY

Хороший танец для La Senatrice. Такая милая леди.

Lindsay will personally host the Saturday Lemon Party.

Experience the thrills and spills on the "Miss Lindsay's Wild Ride!"

Don't knock the pastry shop. Yummy!

rides galore

When La Senatrix makes an appearance, gentleman callers must wait in line to visit her abode's parlor.

Don't forget the mustache rides, R81.

Each morning at sunrise join Mizz Linsdey at the Wailing Wall. It features a life size portrait of Big John McCain.

At the park's Pompeo theater, Mame will be showing while ticket holders will be enjoying buckets of "crawdaddies", corn on the cob, and pecan pie using Sarah Huckabee's (really Sara Lee's) special recipe.

"We'll get started with the follies as soon as Diamond & Silk get here".

If happened, it would be another DJT property purchased from laundered loans from a Russian oligarch, but soon afterwards, goes into bankruptcy.

Lindseyland only accepts Rubles, massive amounts of government pork & on Honesty Tuesdays: Gay Dollars 💵

Sounds like a lovely place.

Staff parking decal:

The glass coffee table ride is an eye-opener!

All the doors hold whores and the tricks say "Di-VOON!"

In Miss Lindsey's Tea-ki Tea-ki TEA-ki ROOM!