Escape to the Country

Please welcome to the stage: CARA VAN PARK

The wives always seem so tormented like it wasn't their idea to move to the fucking country

Sometimes they rave about one of the 3 properties but never buy any.

Voice over then comes back and tells the audience that they bought an entirely different property a week later.

Except in the last week, the couple with I think 3 kids decided to buy one house they liked that had only 1 bathroom, and that one the main floor, rather than up where most of the bedrooms were.

Yes, I’ve been watching it since April. I loved it at first. The countryside is always gorgeous, the villages lovely and the houses are always interesting. No suburban McMansions here. The quirky floor plans, the narrow steep stairs, the dislike of thatched roofs, the obsession with gardening, the “snug”, the brilliant “utility rooms” (really need to import that concept to the US), the teeny tiny bedrooms (a “double” is a room with a double bed and maybe a foot on either side) and not even new builds seem to have closets, just “wardrobes” although “en suites” are gaining popularity. Small barn conversions are all the rage. I’m also surprised at the new construction that looks Georgian or whatever, those are the best of both worlds.

The reason I’m liking it less is, maybe 1 out of 10 couples actually put in an offer. It’s the opposite of HH and HHI where they’ve already bought one of the places and have to fake disliking the alternates which in most cases are better than their actual choice. The British couples are uniformly pleasant and complimentary but it seems like many of them are treating the show as a paid holiday, especially as there are always segments about a local craft or historical interest.

But there certainly have been some incredible places.

I’ve decided from endless watching of ETTC that I love barn conversions and want to live in the Peak District.

Anyone know how far these people have to drive for an actual supermarket? The only town amenities seem to be historic pubs, post offices and village halls. Where are the liquor stores?

r5 it's well edited. The supermarkets a/o chain stores are up the road or on the other side of the market towns. They don't show arterial roads, either, so many areas look more remote than they are.

There are some small country villages with semi-blocks and row houses they don't show b/c that's where the poors live. If you want an idea of what that looks like, the BBC comedy "This Country" will give you a good snapshot.

Just one more typical fraud show. The people have already bought (or are in the process of buying) the property they end up choosing on the show. The other 2 are properties the show lines up for them to pretend to be interested in.

r7 have you ever watched it? Many times they don't end up choosing any of the houses.

They always show the ancient church.

I like it but much prefer "Homes Under The Hammer" on that show you have three homes auctioned and then follow up the new owners to see what they do with the properties. In the UK it seems like only the low end or unusual properties get auctioned, so you get some great stories (a grade 2 listed cob shed becomes a community radio station, a derelict 18th Century Pub becomes a family home, a former student Nurse's hostel becomes an air b'n'b hub etc)

I have a friend who's planning to move up country and make their rural home s staycation getaway

R10, what channel or app shows Homes Under the Hammer in the US?

I have watched about a dozen episodes and I can't recall anyone actually buying a home. It would be nice to get a payoff as an audience but appreciate the show doesn't contrive to the degree of the HGTV's shows.

And then there's the mystery house...

It's been on in Australia for ages. It has several annoying characteristics but the main ones are:

- they hardly ever buy one of the houses, and often don't move to the county in question at all;

- they ALWAYS ask for a house with "character" (in England this appears to mean 5ft ceilings laced with huge great beams that will club any normal sized man as he tries to find the bathroom at night - there is never an ensuite in a character house), but as soon as they're shown something modern they adore it;

- they have an absolute conniption fit if the master bedroom is downstairs, and say they couldn't possibly live in a house like that. Because there is such antipathy to this in England, the main reason the situation ever arises is because there are stunning views to be had from the top floor and the architect sensibly decided to put the living rooms there so everyone could enjoy them, but that never makes any difference;

- they often ask for a place where they can have a holiday let or a bed & breakfast, but hardly ever have any experience in any kind of hosting, bookkeeping, etc.

In all the years I've been watching, I've seen only one episode where the couple were shown an absolutely beautiful house and promptly bought it.

The DL will enjoy the episode with the gay couple who have to move for work reasons. They are shown a few houses of which they can see the potential, but all is forgotten when they're shown one opposite the village pub, which they buy practically on the spot.

I prefer A Place in the Sun: Home or Away. One of the couple wants to buy a home somewhere in the UK (invariably somewhere like Devon, to be near their family) and the other wants to buy a place in sunny Spain. They get taken to houses in both places, and each tries to persuade the other. The episode ends with a sunset cocktail in a pretty harbour town in Spain where the “home” person admits that yes, Spain is lovely, but they need to think about it some more. Repeat for 374 episodes.

Do they even let you into Spain anymore post Brexit?

That’s the one where Alastair Appleton hosts some of the shows. I had such a crush on him years ago when he hosted Cash in the Attic. He’s still such a beautiful man. Openly gay and very zen. He’s a Buddhist, I think.

r18 yes he is. You can see the prayer beads he wears around his wrist in some of the ETTC episodes. IIRC, he also leads either meditation classes or retreats.

He always has hideous haircuts, though.

I've seen it a few times but can't get interested. Has pretty countryside.

As an American I find the houses over there cramped and so, so tiny and so many have narrow hallways with multiple doors leading off it. The bedrooms look as if only a double mattress would fit. Do any new homes have larger rooms for a King mattress?

I watched it about a year ago. Can't remember where I found it. Maybe Netflix. But it seemed that not speaking the language was a huge drawback.

Another English show on Dabl, "60 Minute Makeover" is terrible. I have yet to see an episode where I was impressed with the work of the designer. All that wallpaper, crap furniture and tiny tiny rooms. I live in a NYC apartment and I can't believe how small the rooms are in middle class housing in the UK. Plus, all furniture (at least before the decorator gets in) is giant...not scaled properly at all.

I laugh when I hear people on the show say, "oh it's so homely." In the U.S. that's a nice way to say ugly, where in the UK, it means cozy and comfortable.

I like the show for what it shows, but oh mother of Jesus do they take a long fucking precious time telling their tale. The hosts with one exception all speak to the potential buyers as though they were fresh back from a partial lobotomy, handled with soft, unthreatening tones, and kid gloves wrapped in silk and cotton wool so as not to instigate any emotional flare-ups or fisticuffs.

Timidity is the operative word. And all that fucking nonsense with the guessing game of the asking price of the property (The buyer is looking for something in the range of £425K to £450K and, guess what, every house they are shown is priced between £425-455K, so le's spend a third of the episode playing this stupid game.) Another third of the air time is wasted on fluffing up the derring-do of the presenters in suggesting a renovated late Georgian school — "yes, a school!"— as the mystery house. "Now, Richard and Claire, can you possibly imagine yourselves living in a converted Georgian school! Is it too much of us to ask? I know we were very bold in suggesting it, but what do you think? Richard, you answer first because I sense that Claire has some definite opinions and you, I just can't read your reaction." The last major time-waster (overlooking the overly long personal intros of the home buyers) is the segment before(?) the mystery property where they dump the prospective buyers onto a local craftsman who has kept alive the ancient art of eel-basket making using traditional materials and methods. FFS.

If the buyers' scheme involves a caravan park or building income-earning yurts as holiday-lets, or if the granny flat (always the person funding the venture, it seems) is too central to the scheme, or if they are amenable to new-builds or barn conversions I usually drop out straight away. If the buyers have a good idea of what they want in an historic house, I'm in, though I may do a lot of fast-forwarding.

The one good presenter is Jonnie Irwin, who keeps things moving at a brisk pace, and is personable but with none of the insincere and oh-so-overly-polite fawning of the other hosts. He also has some insight into property, historic buildings, and renovation while the other hosts may as well be talking about potted jams and preserves, or traveling by barge, or cute baby animals. He's a pleasure to watch where the others are torture to varying degrees.

It makes me laugh that so many people on these shows are horrified when a prospective property is 10 miles from the nearest town. They make it seem like it's an all day journey just one way.

I am addicted to Escape to the Country and A Place in the Sun. I watch them religiously one after the other. I am not a fan of Jonny Irwin...his voice/accent irks me to no end. I love Alister's calm energy and I also like Jules and Nicky. I enjoy just looking at the houses in the country, but I have no interest in living there myself. I just find watching the show calming and most of the couples are benign. A Place in the Sun is my favorite show because I want to live near the sea...so I am always interested in the properties and locations.

I love this show, but perhaps less than I did at first. Some reasons:

* Overuse of "characterful" and "en suite"

* Jules' chilblains

* The number of buyers who love everything about a house and declare they can see themselves moving in immediately (but leave their episode empty-handed)

* Everyone wants an "open-plan kitchen diner" or however they phrase it

* The guess-the-price game. Why do they make them do this? It's tedious. And the price is way too often just over their "stretch" budget anyway.

* The local activity segment featuring the host. I like the ones featuring the buyers, though.

* The name "mystery house." There's nothing mysterious about them.

I suppose the general house-buying public has moved on from wanting to establish "glamping" facilities and now likes "caravan parks."

I love Alistair, the scenery, learning more about the different counties, and seeing so many interesting interiors. I also like the theme music and credits; it's so soothing!

I remember one couple in which the wife had some degenerative disease and walked with canes, and they said they needed a place that would accommodate her as her mobility decreased. The first house they showed the couple had a staircase up to the bedrooms! Not very thoughtful.

All episodes are now available on BBC One.

this show was my tonic during the first few months of lockdown, it's very soothing. OP is right, many folks are looking for space for a side hustle. Some ask for room to start their alpaca farm or create a holiday let thing, I find it curious that they never ask about schools, hospital distance etc.

Do any Brits here know, how long does the average person in the "country" need to drive for a proper grocery store? We see plenty of homes on ETTC where you can stumble down to a pub, but we never see realistic shopping like a Tescos.

R28: Not far. The link below answers only part of the question, but 55% are within easy walking distance and 80% within 1.0 or 1.5 miles.

In a small village there may be just a pub, or even a former pub as many have been converted to houses. This a lot of prospective buyers ask about pubs and how active the village community may be.

r28, that's not true...the younger couples with children ALWAYS ask about the schools. They usually talk about need to be near good schools during the introduction of the couple. Also, the younger couples want to be near a village with grocery stores, pubs etc..

I've enjoyed ETTC immensely since discovering it on DABL. I'm not invested so much in the choice that's made, but that (me being in the US), most of the seekers don't care about an open concept, or need multiple bathrooms, or walk-in closets, or a bedroom for each child, plus a guest room. HGTV has ruined us.

Alistair is a cutie and has a good vibe.

A Place in the Sun always has features the most hideous houses. I do enjoy Jasmine, the host. A few years ago there was a program about her mother, who is a terrible hoarder.

[quote] I am not a fan of Jonny Irwin...his voice/accent irks me to no end

Didn't know that was his name - apparently he'd married? to a woman?

I totally got the gay vibe, a dull deadly one.

This show is on all the time here in England. It's SO dreary.

[quote]Do any Brits here know, how long does the average person in the "country" need to drive for a proper grocery store? We see plenty of homes on ETTC where you can stumble down to a pub, but we never see realistic shopping like a Tescos.

Unless it's VERY remote there should be a big Tesco (or the like) within 15 minutes drive and a smaller local supermarket even closer.

I like it: it's fun to binge on, like popcorn. Alistair was especially sexy in the older episodes, when he sometimes seemed kind of spun. I think Jonny's cute too, in a slightly elfin way. The history/culture segments are usually pretty interesting, and some of the scenery and architecture is breath-taking.

At this point, I want to see "Escape from the Country", where desperately bored couples move back to fabulous houses in equally fabulous cities. I remember one episode with a gay couple, but don't think I've yet seen a non-white couple escaping to the country...

I didn't realizes how many Brits were on Datalouge!

Cheerio!

[quote] but don't think I've yet seen a non-white couple escaping to the country...

Probably because you're watching older episodes - I'm SURE this has been rectified.

[quote]I didn't realizes how many Brits were on Datalouge! Cheerio!

Ha! Ha! - you left out the pip pip.

I enjoy it but I always laugh when they end it by deciding to remain in London after all. LOL!

One show involved a really nice proeprty and the couple was excited but the coda said they discovered development was planned that would have affected their view or property or something.

In my younger days those "characterful" houses would have been my choice but now I just want modern or midcentuury modern everything. And please give me a one story sprawling open home.

In DC it's been on our PBS-UK channel - all UK all the time. They also show excerpts like one house showing during the break between shows - and many Brit shows end around 45 minutes. So lots of time for fillers. The fillers are usually excerpts from Antiques Roadshow or now ETTC.

My PBS is running Escape to the Chateau. Couple buys a derelict, and I mean, DERELICT chateau with a moat and a fair amount of land. But it needs everything.

There's also one in which Brits escape to places like Spain and France and try to earn a living running cafes and guest houses - hilarity and hardships prevail.

OP Britain is a tiny island with north of 65 million people, many of them squeezed in on each other. Weekends see packed country roads and lanes as people get out for the weekend. Huge demand for lodges,gites,glamping, and a good earner for the owners.

I love Escape to the Chateau too (on Peacock & HGTV) it’s very soothing, but Angel makes up the most I n s a n e multi step projects that take days to complete when she can just pop out to the store for the outdoor chair she needed. .

Alistair Appleton is pleasant and I am glad for any host is isn't overly jolly and exuberant all the fucking time, but for me he's part of the problem of "Escape to...." The overly soft, overly calming voice and manner suggest one of those people who went too far down a Zen Hole and will never recover to something remotely normal. He is Indian food without any sort of seasoning, a painting without color, a sculpture without form, a message without punch, a summer day at the beach without sun, a dancer that doesn't move, a singer who doesn't sing. He lacks any hint of a spark of life.

If he were talking about nuclear devastation, or chemical burn victims, or a jolly new and ever so soft scarf, or a black-&-white Elizabethan cottage in Herefordshire, it's all the same plummy vowels and controlled consonants and low, ever so low volume. The wind could blow him away and it would be a very long time before anyone noticed to ask, "Hey, where's Alistair?" There are way too many people on TV exactly because they are the opposite of Alistair. I hate them. But Alistair takes his calm and soft approach to an annoying extreme.

R44 you gave it some thought!

I used to watch it a lot because seeing the houses and the gorgeous countryside was fun but eventually, that scene at the end where they come to a decision and they ALWAYS say the same thing, after gushing over one of the choices: “Weeeell, we’re going to have a sit down and go over our options.” Or something like that. I can’t remember exactly because I’ve stopped watching it. Just lie and say you’re putting in an offer and during the credits the host can say it fell through.

I think there’s another show, Escape to the Continent? I remember people looking at houses in France.

I'm obsessed with this show, although it enrages me that they never buy any of the houses. I'm American, I NEED A NEAT CONCLUSION.

[quote]Alistair Appleton is pleasant and I am glad for any host is isn't overly jolly and exuberant all the fucking time

He first came to prominence in The House Doctor in the 1990s, which was THE BEST of all these shows and the very first.

I also think that Johnnie is a drunkard and Jules is a sociopath that lies about his background - one episode he's been an archeologist, the next he's been in the military, the next he's a keen tractor enthusiast, it goes on and on.

Perhaps quarantine has given me too much time.

[quote]Ha, R49, I thought it was Jules who always seemed a bit flushed and "lit."

[quote]I think there’s another show, Escape to the Continent? I remember people looking at houses in France.

R46: There is; it's been running 22 seasons or so. There are some full episodes on YouTube. As with A Place in the Sun, I want to like it but the houses are often abysmal, and with buyers to match. The premise: a couple can't decide whether they want to buy up in England and buy the husband's dream house in Dorset, or follow the college dream of the wife and move to sunny Seville. Except inevitably the couple have already made up their mind (and who would respect them if they were shown three houses in each place and asked to decide?) Inevitably the houses in Dorset are not examples from the landscapes of Thomas Hardy but dumpy little semi-detached new builds that could be anywhere in the UK; and the house in exotic, sunny, history rich Seville? It's a series of three dumpy little boxes kilometers away from Seville, from anything beautiful, from anything old, from anything exotic — just one-story white stuccoed versions of the greige brick semis in Dorset. Why bother?

Were Escape to the Continent to focus only on houses on the Continent, and on houses with some sense of that way overused "characterfullness," it might be worth a watch, but wherever you go in the world, cheap new builds are cheap new builds.

I'm a New Yorker, r37...I just watch tons of Brit tv.

I quite like this show and a Place in the Sun. But they would work much better if Jonnie Irwin presented it shirtless.