Your middle-age crisis - how did YOU resolve it?

Getting divorced and coming out.

Update your look.

Some minor cosmetic touch ups, and I was good as new!

That was in fact my sluttiest period.

R3 - tis the spirit with which I approach this evening.

Sold my house and moved to a different state. A complete change of scenery made an amazing difference. I had to learn the community, make new friends, figure out what to do for entertainment, etc.

While I was moving, I visited a few 'trial' cities, hooked up a bunch, etc. just to get it out of my system.

I had mine quite early, liked it, and resolved to have more than a few of them: moving, taking on new things, becoming more flexible and willing to change things.

I don't remember ever having a mid-life crisis. It might be because I continued to progress in my job and my financial position continuously (though slowly) improved throughout my life, so I never felt as though I was "stuck" or needed something new. That is, until this exact moment in time. The pandemic and the uncertainty of the future has left me with an inability to make any future plans. Everyday is just wake up, work from home, eat dinner, go to bed. No vacations, no special events to attend, nothing. I'm thankful my employment isn't affected and I can work from home, so I realize how lucky I am in that respect. But still, I feel like my life is at a complete stop.

Like this, r1?

Bought a Eclipse convertible. Didn't make me forget but there is nothing like driving down the road with the top down.

I never did have one. I'm fifty-one, and doubtful I'll live to be one hundred two, so it should have happened by now I should think.

If you are experiencing any angst, I'd recommend a vintage sports car with lots of low-end torque, and a good five speed, and a slightly younger lover. I have both, so perhaps that's why I'm not in crisis!

r9 Buying a convertible seems to be one of those hallmarks of mid life crises. That hairplugs and prostitute related divorce cases.

No it actually wasn't my idea, R8.

Suicide seemed like the best option, but something alway came up.

I always said I don't give a fuck what other people think but after my midlife crisis I began to mean it. I went to therapy again after a long long break. I wrote books in a different genre. I exploited being a daddy as much as any slut could.

I got into better shape than I ever was as a thin-flab gayling.

It's good. Once you are fairly happy with your own body, you suddenly care MUCH less what anyone else thinks anymore, even if you're in your early forties.

Very freeing, and also I like the endorphin rush every day.

I guess technically that's what happened to me after my crazy ex wife's midlife crisis.

You lost me at the E word.

We don't all have gold stars.

Quit my job. In retrospect, it’s just depression. Your 40s are scientifically the lowest point of your life. Lost your youth - but haven’t made it to the point where you are happy just to be alive and healthy. Studied across cultures and the nadir is around 47. The you get steadily happier through your 70s. I’ve found t to be true. Wish I hadn’t quit my well paying job.

You know the funny part even at my advanced age I still have no issue running down cute young guys. It's almost like shooting fish in a barrel.

OP I'm still in mine (started a little after 40). They don't warn you that you can hit the mid life crisis and skid for a long while before coming to a stop. I tried the "selling everything and moving" approach twice - once to another country - and it hasn't worked and just saddled me with debt.

There's a difference, also, between figuring things out as an adult and a midlife crisis. I went through a period where I had to get rid of personal belongings and my big house because I felt weighted down. I did that when I was around 35-37. But that "set fire to everything and move" approach gets old after awhile.

Also it's been a much sluttier period lately. There's a lot of hot young guys that like daddies and it seems a shame to not fuck as many of them as possible. I didn't use to be a twink / young guy afficianado but they're definitely fun to play with if you can handle the mental immaturity.

r21, you have not even gotten there yet, just wait.

I will expound a bit and say my 50's have thus far been some of my most sexually adventurous years. It's amazing.

My 40s and 50s were the best. I felt I had a purpose in life, enjoyed myself, and fucked around. Hitting 60 was like hitting a wall. I never recovered and with this covid crisis, I doubt I ever will get back my previous self.

I just remind myself that this COVID situation is not permanent and I will go back to the US and find a partner. Otherwise, it's a crappy time because you aren't young anymore and wonder how and if you will be old and decrepit one day and should you marry and have kids....crazy thoughts and all. Just work out and keep plugging along.

Hiring 8 inches of sizemeat.

If your life is defined by mentioning caftans non stop - you're a mess and there's no going back. It's too late. You're dumb, shallow, and stupid.

My partner abruptly left after 29 year marriage. That was ten years ago. My adult child developed serious mental illness. I was so busy trying to do damage control for my flake of an ex partner — dealing with two adult children wounded beyond belief .

Forgot about my real self for a while . Began relationship with partner and had the most amazing sec of my life!!

He was a full blown narcissist, treated me badly but I had blinders in.

So he’s been gone for a few years . Lost job. Pandemic . I just hold on for my kids, otherwise ....they didn’t ask y to o be born so I won’t make things worse for them

My only respite is zCOMPLETE ACCEPTANCE

At the risk of sounding 12 steppish I’m powerless over every fucking thing . If you choose to hate on me for saying that, I don’t give a fuck

Two words...

"Lighten up"

R28 You're doing the best you can in crappy circumstances. Good for you.

OP, I recommend you wake up and smell the coffee!

R27 - I'm dumb AND stupid?

So, you're saying I should become an Instaho?

Not to worry OP. You'll age past your middle-age years faster than you could ever have imagined. Some day soon you'll look back and wish you were middle-aged again.

I bought a brand new Mustang in 1999, when they first introduced the "knife cut" redesign. Metallic "Laser Red" paint, leather seats, premium sound system upgrade, spoiler, sunroof, alloy rims. Plus it was the 35th anniversary edition. I went with my dad to get it, he wanted me to get a sedan and I convinced him that I wanted to get this instead. I was 23 at the time, and flat out told him that I don't want to wait until I'm having a mid life crisis in my 40's to get one of these. He conceded, but then he insisted on me letting him drive it home from the dealership.

R34 so you weren't in a midlife crisis, you were a slick-talking 23 year old with an indulgent father?

I turned 40 in June - alone in my apartment in NYC. I’m single, don’t have kids. I was feeling like a huge loser but I just keep reminding myself that the alternative to aging is death and that I felt so old when I turned 30 so I should just appreciate the age I am because time goes so quickly.

I still feel like a loser though. This pandemic has really brought things to a halt and I worry it will delay me trying to find a partner for the foreseeable future. Which at 40 feels kind of scary.

I just can’t believe how fast time goes in terms of aging. I’ve been at my job for 13 years. How did that happen?

R28 - sending you a hug. R24 - your post gives me hope. And don’t hit a wall at 60. I bet you’re still a hot b*tch.

I'll tell you in 10 years.

I'm about to turn 59 in a couple of months, and I've never had one. Maybe it's easier if you're already a loner, and don't care much about how people perceive you.

I don't know if I had a mid life crisis or if I just stopped treating life like dress rehearsal. I used to put off everything until I reached this milestone or that goal in my career. I did fine with all that but not amazing. And I missed out on a lot. It felt like I was always celebrating someone else's life - a wedding, a baby, a new job overseas.

Then at 49 I met a guy 15 years younger that lived on a different coast. And I loved his kindness and his heart right away. I decided to follow my love, Iresigned a lucrative job and moved in with him after leaving everything I knew. Rolled the dice according to some. I got a new job and it's as good and as crappy as every other job I've had. And we are living together and talking about setting a date.

I wasted a lot of time waiting for someone to rescue me. Now I see that only I could have done that all along.

I always thought I wasn't lucky in love and that it wasn't in the cards for me. But I think I put that energy out there. For those of you of any age, it's not too late for you to have a meaningful relationship with someone. Forget looks and cock size and all that. Find someone with some similar interests and some different ones. Someone who is kind to waiters, his family and his life long friends. Take a risk. Go on that 2nd date even if you're not sure. Be kind to other men.

R40 why do they have to be kind? What if your ideal mate gets off on torturing waiters?

Then you ideal mate is Leona Helmsley.

OP, if Disney made an animated musical film of your life, it would be titled “Cuntasia.”

the big challenge of the middle-life crisis is to learn to let go... survive the process and you'll be the happiest of men whatever the situation.

In my case I solved it by fully committing to my actual dreams and disregarding my old "not enough" thoughts. I guess that sounds corny, but it's true. At forty I changed everything, even if it was scary.

I had my mini midlife crisis at 35 and then 40. 35 was feeling my mortality and 40 was knowing my then job was going to tank hard. I’m now 50, had a covid not-much-of-a-birthday as many are this year.

I feel glad to have an opportunity to reset. I’ve developed better habits during this lockdown and feel more connected to those in my close circle. If you want to go out and have fun and try something new, go for it. It’s not too late to be the best you. Cheers

I didn't notice it. It was lost in a blur of career frenzy and care and concern about aging, sick, and dying family elders. By the time I retired middle age had passed and I was reborn into a new world that I had to redesign. Lost weight, got in shape, started a business. Funny thing, I'm still deciding how to live my live, making plans, and trying to improve. When you see the sands of the hourglass running out you want to make every minute count. My partner is still with me so we're staying healthy but it's odd not to have the driving goals that I once had. I've learned that life will always be a challenge and picking yourself up and starting over never really ends.

^^ "picking yourself up and starting over never really ends"... that's actually the beauty of it.

OP, it’s just another crises brought to you by a mean wild planet and a social structure designed to kill you.

It’s not all about you, but you experience it as if it does. You should be forcing yourself to enjoy doing what you want while becoming invisible at work.

I am with R15. You may be in or approaching middle age, but one thing you_can_ do is something about your body. Taking charge of that works wonders, not just physically but mentally as well.

I seem to be the only one who does this (or am I?)--it isn't conscious, my brain just does it for me before I'm fully awake-- it starts down a roster of current facts:

You are__ years old.

You are (fat right now/losing weight/in good shape)

you are living in______.

You are (single/not single).

Your pets are (their names, or 'now-dead' 😢)

Trump is still president.

Covid is happening and you still can't go anywhere.

In that sad list, there's one thing I have control over, practically speaking.

R19 - that's so funny that 47 is the worst year - that's when I changed everything. I quit my long-term good-paying job of 14 years and moved to a warm climate for a while to sort myself out.

I met my partner, had a great paying job land in my lap (didn't have to even look for it - I was recommended for it by previous employer), and my life completely changed for the better.

Yes, I was in a state of 'things HAVE to change, but I don't know how or what' for several years before this. Now my life is better than I could ever imagine. Not perfect - but when I think about my previous life, it's just depressing.

When you need to make a change - listen. Save money and make the change. It sounds easy on paper, but it's also not as difficult as it sounds. Not doing it can be suicide.

I switched to a job which gave me 13 weeks vacation a year and spent all of them travelling. Discovered a passion for scuba diving and a partner who loves it too. Now our March fortnight in the Maldives diving is the highlight of our year, and in the summer we rent a house by the sea in Greece or Turkey.

I just decided not to waste any oxygen on anyone who was bringing me down.

[R28] you are awesome! Cheering for you, not that you need cheerleaders because IMHO you've figured reality out. Acceptance, it's not just for 12-stepers anymore. We've had some similarities. And then after all that shit, there can be gratitude -- another cliche. But for me, gratitude is just hearing about another Republican dying of COVID-19. Warms my heart and makes me sing.

We are all born, live our lives and die; the only difference is when we are born, which determines our lives. The young always pity the middle-aged, but today the opposite is true. I feel so bad for my young friends, who have precarious employment, no chance to get on the housing ladder, living in a dangerously fragile environment, both ecologically, economically, and politically. We had it great (if you were white, anyway); growing up in a safe, clean environment, tertiary education was affordable, jobs plentiful, housing was available to all. Every day I count my blessings.

But on a practical level, when I realised I had to make the most of the time I had left, and wanted to live a life not diminished or shortened by bad choices, I got serious about my health and fitness. Knowing I no longer had all the time in the world, I also started doing things I had put off, and I also took steps to clean my life up from r'ships and situations that didn't make me happy.

"If you can't be young and hot, the next best thing is to be middle-aged and rich."

One thing that's changed for me is acceptance of my body. When I was younger, from teens through middle age, I focused on my flaws. I put on weight in my 50s but have since lost it. I can't believe I once thought I was unattractive, even ugly. I was naturally slender but only found fault with myself. Now I accept who I am, physically fit again and not at all perfect but my imperfections no longer bother me. I am extremely grateful all my parts work. I can see, I can hear, I can hike, walk, and travel. I have lots of energy and except for less time ahead and more time behind me, I feel much better about my physical self now than I did when I was young. Wrinkles and sagging skin sucks, but I'm still alive and healthy. Grateful for that.

I've also learned that confidence is more attractive that actual good looks. Physical beauty is great to look at, but personality, character, and confidence last longer. Now my reasons for staying fit are all about keeping healthy and sharp as I continue on into the elder years.

I'm in one right now. Last year I quit my well-paying job of ten years. I was beginning burnout but would not acknowledge it until it was too late. I ended up with mental health issues & symptoms of burnout (memory loss etc) and needed a change of scenery & life. Got a job in a different town, my partner & I bought a house there & moved away from the town I grew up in. Now I'm 41, unemployed (new job became a nightmare), our new house is turning out to be a lemon, lots of hidden issues. It's all frustrating & is a real test. Right now I'm trying to pull myself out of a MAJOR depression. I'm out of shape, am having back problems & other minor health issues.

I'm at the point where I'm starting "the work" to get to a better life. Self-improvement, changing old thought patterns, trying new things. Not being afraid. It's tough. Helps to know other gheys are or have been on this same path.