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Let's be an antique mall! Part II

"You're back!" Yes, i'm still the cashier, still overweight, still closeted.

Just like last time, I'll peer over my half-glasses, give an ever so slightly disapproving look at your purchase, and ask "Have you found another treasure?"

[Because the old thread neared its end and some of the shopkeepers were getting worried, and because we always have some new old stock in—well, not really, but we like to say that.]

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by Anonymousreply 74October 16, 2021 2:14 PM

I'm yet another dealer who is unfit for a public-facing role. My booth is crammed from floor to rafters, chests of drawers and tables and hall racks two and three deep and poor lighting, so precarious is this jenga puzzle of furniture that I come every day just to make sure no one moves things around.

When someone asks politely if they could see a chest that has a stack of nine chairs in front of it, I say yes, then I reconsider and try to suss them out, "If you're really serious about buying it, I'll pull it out for you, but it's a lot of work for me and I'd rather not unless you're sure you're going to buy it."

"But I can only see a corner of the piece now, I can't promise to buy it until I can see it."

"Well, like I said, it's a lot of work for me, and I had an operation in February..."


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by Anonymousreply 1July 13, 2020 10:16 AM

Three quarters or more of the stock I have isn't antique at all, it's just old shit

by Anonymousreply 2July 13, 2020 10:22 AM

Our marriage was like an antique store, full of shit and always closed.

by Anonymousreply 3July 13, 2020 10:23 AM

[quote]Three quarters or more of the stock I have isn't antique at all, it's just old shit

Old shit? We don't even bother with old shit anymore, R2. It's just shit.

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by Anonymousreply 4July 13, 2020 10:40 AM

I'm going to Palm Springs today and always antique there. Hopefully I'll have a funny story to share, but in the meantime there's this one:

I'm any gilded object, whether candelabrum, a hutch, or an antique pickle jar with gold-plated tongs. My dealer will tell any gullible-looking homosexual (or purple-haired lady) that I once belonged to Liberace. Most believe it, with no proof of provenance. Once sold, the dealer brings in a similar one to sell again. After all, Liberace had multiple homes filled to the rafters with this shit! But none of this was his.

by Anonymousreply 5July 13, 2020 11:36 AM

R5 I would LOVE an antique pickle jar with gold-plated tongs. Liberace, Liberace-adjacent, or what's a Liberace? I would truly love it.

by Anonymousreply 6July 13, 2020 1:15 PM

I’m the overpriced Beanie Babies and replica Coca Cola memorabilia.

by Anonymousreply 7July 13, 2020 1:42 PM

I'm the customer looking for Limoges china who doesn't know that many different factories made porcelain in Limoges, including Haviland, butinstead thinks there was a company called "Limoges". She passes by a stunning leaf-shaped bon bon dish featuring a hand-painted violet and grape motif and bordered with 22CT gold, because it's marked Haviland L. (the L stands for Limoges, and also indicates late 19th century-early 20th century make) instead of "Limoges".

It's marked $65 Firm and is a work of art in its own right, and is probably really worth several hundred dollars.

"Do you have any Limodge china?" she barks at the clerk?

by Anonymousreply 8July 13, 2020 1:52 PM

R6, I meant to type "antique pickle caddy." They're actually very frivoloys and fancy.

by Anonymousreply 9July 13, 2020 1:53 PM

*frivolous...just waking up here.

by Anonymousreply 10July 13, 2020 1:57 PM

Even better r9!

Thanks again OP for starting Part 2 after hearing my plea in Part 1. I have the corona blues something horrible. I know, MARY! But there it is.

There is something so comforting about these threads. I find the stories so soothing and funny, and often informative.

Fuck I'm welling up again. WTF? I'm a 53 year old male antique and I'm acting like a hormonal and ridiculous 13 year old girl. I am so embarrassed . Anyway, I appreciate you. All of you, seriously.

by Anonymousreply 11July 13, 2020 2:29 PM

[quote]I'm going to Palm Springs today and always antique there.

Sorry, was there Friday and bought them all out.

Anyone need a pickle caddy? I found seven.

by Anonymousreply 12July 13, 2020 2:57 PM

You're welcome, R11. May you find treasures.

by Anonymousreply 13July 13, 2020 2:57 PM

I'm a series of strategically opened coffee table books and features in design magazines about blending antiques into modern homes and lifestyles. And I'm highly ineffectual beyond the occasional "Hmmmph." In the end this isn't 1st Dibs, not by a country mile, and if my clients had houses like that, they would be at real antiques shops not this dump that smells like old shoes.

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by Anonymousreply 14July 13, 2020 3:04 PM

I'm the booth emitting that combination scent of mold and mothball. I was fine until my renter brought in that one item that stunk up everything else. But which one was it? My renter will grow exasperated trying to figure it out.

I'm the mall's new black and white logo. I'm sure to draw the more sophisticated customer because black and white is classy.

I'm the greeter, instructed to never leave the greeter's desk. Because those 2006 Country Living magazines aren't going to read themselves.

by Anonymousreply 15July 13, 2020 3:15 PM

I am the Vincent Price Collection fan who desperately tries to draw attention to it:

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by Anonymousreply 16July 13, 2020 3:18 PM

It's just like a mini-mall....

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by Anonymousreply 17July 13, 2020 3:23 PM

I'm the editor of a small regional antiques magazine, and one of our biggest advertisers was just arrested for molesting his kids over a 10-year period. I'm not trying to be facetious; this really did just happen. The guy was an asshole and I never liked that rat bastard anyway.

by Anonymousreply 18July 13, 2020 6:11 PM

I’m the booth half filled with rusty tools and odd farm equipment. No one looks at me except the occasional bored older husband who is waiting for his wife to decide on a vintage piece of lace.

by Anonymousreply 19July 13, 2020 6:33 PM

I'm the guy with a huge spanking fetish who will visit every booth and especially that booth in R19. I'm looking for worn razor strops and paddles. Whenever I find one it's a huge turn on, but I don't usually buy it because it's too embarrassing to face the cashier peering over his half-rim glasses.

by Anonymousreply 20July 13, 2020 7:38 PM

R5 here...only went to one antique store today in PS. Victoria's Attic in the Atrium in Rancho Mirage...has anyone else been there? It's like the Twilight Zone compared to their previous store on 111. Anyway, only me and a foreign-seeming couple were in there. I'd already been to x2 Revivals thrift locations and scored a few things for super cheap. I made the "mistake" (big quotes) of going to the bathroom first, and then perusing the other sections of the store on the other side of the Atrium. When I walked in the main part of the store, OP's cashier (I should've gotten a pic) said, "Oh, you've been here awhile...I was watching you." At which point he limp-wristedly shook his cell phone in one hand...I guess he has the store cameras on an app on the phone. Just because he was a little bitch, I didn't buy anything, even though there was a Fiesta Ware pink pitcher I wanted.

by Anonymousreply 21July 14, 2020 4:21 AM

An antique mall is a mall that is antique. An antiques mall is a mall where antiques are sold.

by Anonymousreply 22July 14, 2020 4:47 AM

r21, Oh...I left the desert 5 years ago, I miss my old haunts.

by Anonymousreply 23July 14, 2020 4:48 AM

I am the plastic crap made in the 1970s. I am in bold colors and patterns. I am described as Brady Bunch era. The dealer who stocked this booth is convinced I am what all the young kids want. Never does she notice very little of this crap has sold. This is especially true of anything in Avocado green. Her master find is a rusty, dented Brady Bunch lunch box, priced in the hundreds of dollars. It is locked up in its own glass case. No one ever looks at it. No one will ever buy it.

by Anonymousreply 24July 14, 2020 5:03 AM

Did you check all the shops on Industrial near the PS Revivals? A couple on Sunny Dunes as well. R5?

by Anonymousreply 25July 14, 2020 5:33 AM

R25, hitting the Sunny Dunes and Antique Galleries tomorrow. They usually both have some treasures.

by Anonymousreply 26July 14, 2020 5:58 AM

I'm the Native American booth where you'll see worn out beaded moccasins, cradleboards, old blankets, woven Navajo rugs, and lots of turquoise jewellery with "Old Pawn" labels, (most made for the tourist trade by people like Tanner's benchmen in Gallup from the 1960s and on), very few of which are actually one-off pieces by serious artisans with high grade rather than stabilised turquoise.

There's also lots of pottery but none of the visitors have a clue about the difference between San Ildefonso and Santa Clara work - if it's a bit chipped and broken they snap it up eagerly thinking it's old and must be valuable.

People stop here hoping to find something like that blanket of Sitting Bull's they saw on The Antiques Roadshow that turned out to be worth $500,000.

In your dreams, wasichu.

by Anonymousreply 27July 14, 2020 1:24 PM

I am the shopper happy to wear a mask in here because the mildew smell is like Grandma’s basement.

by Anonymousreply 28July 18, 2020 5:18 AM

I’m the vinyl LPs that have not sold in 12 years and will never sell. The hipsters bought up all the Springsteen & Rolling Stones, but Tammy & Engelbert sit untouched.

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by Anonymousreply 29July 18, 2020 5:54 AM

I am a small pair of ceramic elves wearing chartreuse elf outfits with long chartreuse pointy toed shoes.

by Anonymousreply 30July 18, 2020 5:59 AM

I'm the dealer who did the math, and figured out that it was cheaper to rent a both than to rent a storage locker, so I've moved all my unwanted crap out of my home, and into the mall, where I will NEVER sell even one item.

by Anonymousreply 31July 18, 2020 6:31 AM

I'm the Norman Rockwell repro decorative plates.

I'm also the pile of old Norman Rockwell cover magazines.

by Anonymousreply 32July 18, 2020 3:12 PM

I'm the phrase, "I'll think about it" uttered by the customer who just spent 25 minutes looking at something.

by Anonymousreply 33July 18, 2020 4:42 PM

I'm the shopper who comes in looking for a "chester drawers."

by Anonymousreply 34July 18, 2020 5:11 PM

I'm the booth that's locked up like Fort Knox. Sadly my contents do not justify the myriad of locks that keep my door closed.

by Anonymousreply 35July 27, 2020 2:24 PM

I'm "Ye Olde Scold," or "I Don't Care if You Have One Just Like It!," the booth where everything in me comes with an admonition: "Do not touch!" "Ask before touching!" "Price FIRM!" "Do not open vitrine!" "NFS!!!" "Serious inquiries only!" "Do not 'flip through' picture frames—I will show them to you!" "All prices are firm!" "You break it, you bought it!" "No children!" "No pets!" ""No looky-loos with the prints—serious only!" "Leave bags and large coats at front desk!" "Ask to look in glass case!" "Locked! - Do not try to open!" "Can't you see I'm busy with Data Lounge? Don't bother me!!!"

by Anonymousreply 36July 27, 2020 2:35 PM

I’m the laser-printed, black and white flyers featuring camcorder clip art from the early 90s that state “Video Cameras in Use” in Comic Sans font, hanging by 1½” pieces of Magic Tape and haphazardly placed throughout the store. I have fallen or been pulled down numerous times but always go back up, as if the owner considers me as valuable as the merchandise said cameras “protect.”

by Anonymousreply 37July 27, 2020 3:15 PM

I am the stacks and rows of old books nobody wants. I am the ridiculous prices on t he old books. I am the rare first edition the booth owner has not a clue of what I am worth.

by Anonymousreply 38July 28, 2020 9:38 AM

We’re the donated vacuum cleaners stored in the closet underneath the back stairs that make the carpet even dirtier than it was before.

by Anonymousreply 39September 21, 2020 12:23 AM

I am the shelves of clear cut crystal or pressed glass salvaged from the homes of legions of dead grannies.

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by Anonymousreply 40September 21, 2020 1:43 AM

[quote] I’m the vinyl LPs that have not sold in 12 years and will never sell. The hipsters bought up all the Springsteen & Rolling Stones, but Tammy & Engelbert sit untouched.

I sit in the bins unwanted and unloved because the vendor thinks that old = valuable, but like so many other antiques, record pricing also factors in supply and demand.

by Anonymousreply 41September 21, 2020 2:14 AM

I'm the angry disbelief on the faces of prospective random sellers when told that their antique sewing machine, rickety brass bed frame, or gargantuan oak dining table w a missing leaf is of no interest to anyone

by Anonymousreply 42September 23, 2020 3:09 PM

We are the Christmas decorations no one wants, representing the worst taste of every decade in the last 80 years.

by Anonymousreply 43September 23, 2020 3:40 PM

I'm the overweight goth girls in combat boots and severe dyed-black bangs in 1985 walking in and asking where the, "Case of lunch boxes are." A slightly amused older clerk shows us, and we each buy one of the authentic metal ones featuring 70's TV show themes.

We'll use them with our outfits at the trendy clubs as purses, because that's a whole thing!

by Anonymousreply 44September 23, 2020 4:06 PM

I'm the vintage straight porn scattered around the store and described as "art". Old Playboys, old Penthouse and even a few old Swanks. Oddly enough, there's never any gay porn.

by Anonymousreply 45September 23, 2020 6:33 PM

[quote]Oddly enough, there's never any gay porn.

The pages are all stuck together r45.

by Anonymousreply 46September 23, 2020 6:36 PM

R21 Is that the one where you can tell the building used to be a whole bunch of little storefronts but now just has stuff for sale everywhere?

by Anonymousreply 47September 23, 2020 6:36 PM


I'm the dealer's cheapness. I'd rather spend $2 on some cheap piece of junk at a garage sale and then price it at $60, then spend money on quality items and ask market value prices.

by Anonymousreply 48October 30, 2020 11:47 PM

Im the nasty old bitch who has a booth but also works the register quite a bit . More often than not when someone brings up something from my booth I will snap "Thats not the right price ! Its not for sale!" because Im convinced someone found a treasure and is screwing me over . Some catty queen thought he was being cute when he wrote up a big sign saying "Thats not the right price ! its not for sale!" and hung it in my booth where it sat unnoticed for a week .

by Anonymousreply 49October 31, 2020 2:42 AM

I'm the owner who holds a grudge forever! When the guy who asked me about the filthy bathrooms five years ago and who ended up calling the city to report them walks in, I will call the police to have him removed from the premises.

by Anonymousreply 50October 31, 2020 5:23 PM

I'm the Hipster gay who is dumb enough to pay $65 for a rusty Fat Albert lunchbox. I'll use this to present my $19 whole foods avocado toast lunch in. This is why I still live with my parents at age 30.

I'm the ElderGay looking for an art deco, Tiffany lamp, in mint condition - for about $10. Though I've been trying this for decades, I throw on my caftan and hope that elusive prize will one day find me. I hope I will also get topped again one day.

by Anonymousreply 51October 31, 2020 5:28 PM

Oh, I love this thread. How have I not seen it before? I used to have one of those booths 15 years ago, and it was a great way to get rid of three generations of furniture, kitchenware, tools, etc., that I inherited. I got rid of it all easily because I sold it so cheap the other dealers frequently bought it.

People would buy an end table or bookcase from me for $20 and then do a fashionable faux paint job on it and quadruple the price and it would never sell for them. Sometimes other dealers would get pissed at me for pricing something much lower than their price for the same item that had been sitting in their booth for months or even years.

Now I have to go to the other thread and read it from the beginning.

by Anonymousreply 52October 31, 2020 5:51 PM

We're the dealers fuming that we're not making any sales and cannot access our merchandise because the Ford gov't lock down has closed the building.

by Anonymousreply 53January 21, 2021 2:54 PM

I'm the toys and school books that cause depression in people when they realize that what they used as a child are now considered antique.

by Anonymousreply 54January 21, 2021 3:48 PM

I'm the eviction notice on the front door, taped there by a Sheriff's Deputy because the rent hasn't been paid for months. Several 40 cubic yard dumpsters will be moved into place shortly, as the final repository for the dusty, smelly, worthless old crap that no-one wants anymore.

End of thread(s,s,s,s,s,...)

by Anonymousreply 55January 21, 2021 4:04 PM

I'm the rich more interesting stuff visible if you peek into the Staff Only room.

I'm also the best stuff nicked by the staff that never makes it to the shelves.

This goes for thrift and resale shops and Habitat for Humanity's ReStore, too.

by Anonymousreply 56January 21, 2021 4:05 PM

^*much more

by Anonymousreply 57January 21, 2021 4:06 PM

[quote]because the Ford gov't lock down has closed the building.

Are you posting from 1977?

by Anonymousreply 58January 21, 2021 4:56 PM

No R58, Ontario, Canada.

by Anonymousreply 59January 21, 2021 5:22 PM

I'm the Bakelite stuff. You have no idea how avidly collectors seek me out, despite the fact that I am really just fucking plastic jewellery.

by Anonymousreply 60January 21, 2021 8:24 PM

I'm the numerous faux pearl necklaces from the 1950s without which no antique mall glass case is complete.

Someone is always asking, "Do you mind?" as she rubs me against her teeth to see if I'm real or not, and then puts me back without even offering to wipe, ewwwww, then her bacteria dry on me.

Thankfully, in the era of COVID, they can't do that, at least not where they can be seen.

You'd think they could tell from my price tag that I'm faux.

Frankly, I look just as nice on a twin-set as my authentic sisters, who usually show nacre wear and blisters.

I look better and cost less.

Buy me and get me the fuck out of this glass case.

by Anonymousreply 61January 21, 2021 8:29 PM

I'm the four booths with similar Wedgwood pieces all optimistically priced.

by Anonymousreply 62January 21, 2021 11:18 PM

I’m the glass cabinet full of Beanie Babies that somebody purchased in the nineties. They honestly believed I would pay for their retirement.

by Anonymousreply 63January 21, 2021 11:26 PM

i'm the random items that have languished for years, we've all been sold for absurd prices the day after having 'not for sale' stickers attached to us!

by Anonymousreply 64January 22, 2021 10:16 PM

I'm the grossly overpriced item in a cabinet. I will sit, untouched for five years until someone writes an article about me. Some enterprising soul will remember seeing me in this cabinet and snap me up to immediately resell me for three times what he paid.

by Anonymousreply 65January 22, 2021 11:49 PM

Costume jewelry is not made to give women an aura of wealth, but to make them beautiful, r60.

by Anonymousreply 66January 23, 2021 12:02 AM

I’m 200 square feet of leased “Please get the fuck out of the house and take some your hoard with you just for today” space. I have saved relationships.

by Anonymousreply 67January 23, 2021 12:23 AM

I'm the booth loaded with rusted vintage child-grave toys left in rural cemeteries. Some look stepped on.

Small tractors, cars, trucks with wheels missing, a space ship, old jacks....

My renter should be beat with a bronze vase. But no one thinks about "this junk" at all, except his fellow ghouls. And I'm just a vague space whored out to sell desperation and trash.

by Anonymousreply 68January 23, 2021 12:58 AM

Two fields are going to be open at Brimfield this May.

by Anonymousreply 69April 26, 2021 12:15 AM

I’m the charismatic customer who wears $5,000 in rings on each hand and this is my autistic son.

While I work the clerks at the jewelry counter, my “son” is breaking into jewelry cases and boosting silver and good smalls.

by Anonymousreply 70April 26, 2021 2:25 AM

I went to an antique store today and the elder shop bottom said “found some treasures?” when I put my stuff on the counter. I love when RL is DL life.

by Anonymousreply 71October 15, 2021 10:08 PM

LOL @ R71

by Anonymousreply 72October 16, 2021 12:08 AM

My favorite posting from the first thread. I find this hilarious:

[quote] You are the guy who has stacks of stuff that is unpriced because you don't know the value or worth of anything, you are just a picker. I am the guy who knows your game who gives you 5 things to price but I don't tell you which one I really want because I don't want to be your truffle pig.

by Anonymousreply 73October 16, 2021 5:53 AM

I'm the antique mall that was once filled with genuinely good vintage items. As my booth owners and customers aged and died off the owners have decided to attract a younger clientele by allowing new dealers to fill their booths with comic books, toys, records, DVDs and video games. I might as well be a yard sale.

by Anonymousreply 74October 16, 2021 2:14 PM
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