Let's be a hookup app profile

I'm the white headless torso with the screen name BLACK LIVES MATTER.

^^^ But you posted an ass pic instead of your face, and you have three dick pics in your profile.

I'm the guy whose only photos are awkward selfies.

I'm an ISFJ but it doesn't matter.

I’m the random, usually low quality, photo of something like a forest or a mountain in place of a photo.

Beware. I am worse than a blank profile pic.

I'm 57 and post my real pics.

I'm deleting this app soon, don't don't worry, soon is 2032.

i'm the fag hag who didn't approve of her night club selfie being used to get her gay bestie laid

I'm the admission that I don't bite (unless you are into that lol).

Bump

I'm the five years shaved off my actual age.

hilarious thread as I am having just a dreadful time on theses apps after a 15 year absence(lots has changed)

I'm the local guy with the same profile you've been seeing since 2003 on Gay.com. It's 2020 and it's now my Grindr pic.

And I, r11, am the 20 pounds shaved.

I’m the picture of a thong bulge with that title, NO HOOKUPS!

I state I am “easy going” and “down to earth”, and then proceed to list a hundred things and types of people I am NOT into so don’t even ask!!!!

I am a massage student giving free massages for my internship hours/practice and I just need you to make a “donation” for the massage oil

I am Accra, Ghana. I have invaded A4A

I’m just here to make friends but WILL NOT RESPOND to profiles without a photo!

I’m the race/ethnicity filters that can’t be used any more. I’m lonely.

My profile pic is me holding up the peace sign, but "not into Whites, Blacks, Mexicans, Asians, or Spaniards. we all have our own preferences!"

I'm 5700 miles. That's the distance between

I want to know why it’s so hard to just meet a nice guy (translation: a hot guy who’s way out my league that puts up with all my drama)

I’m the guy with no pictures in my profile. The profile itself has limited information. But I start by demanding you send me additional pics.

I'm the angry screed about all the shallow, hateful fags what done me wrong before!!! Paired with a glaring selfie that looks like a mug shot.

I'm happily married, partnered and on PREP

I’m the same 5 “odd ducks” in your area who are always on 24/7 “looking”

I’m the guy dressed like a street hooker from Blade Runner talking about how “they” don’t identify as a man or a woman because labels are for clothing.

I'm the one good picture you took 10 years ago at a friend's wedding with all the others in the photo cropped out profile pic.

I’m the torso profile pic with the line “no face pic, no chat.”

I’m everywhere.

I'm the TOP ONLY showing only my ass.

Maybe you’re looking for a “top only,” r31?

I'm on PREP. Code for bareback slut

I’m “versatile,” which means I’m actually a bottom. I’m the reason the whole schema is messed up.

Bottom= trans man

Versatile bottom= total bottom

Versatile= bottom

Top= versatile bottom

Total top= versatile top

Bisexual= gay, but a total top

I’m the complete lack of distance. I’m so scared to show you how close we are that I could be 5 feet or 5 miles.

Tee hee.

I’m the profile photo with two or three guys in it. Guess which one is me!

I’m the woman in the photo with black squiggly lines all over her face. Don’t tell me.

I’m the 68-year-old white man wearing sexy lady panties! You likely???

I'm the profile with only a series of face shots. That's because the bottom half of me cannot be captured in one frame.

I'm the line you should move to the front of if you meet my exacting criteria for companionship.

I’m all the requirements you had BETTER meet before you even say hello!! And don’t you DARE assume I’m here to just “jump in the sack”. How about a date first and “take it from there”? But you’d better be a top! And I can host on week nights only!

I’m the innocent dogs and cats ending up on this sketchy website/sex app. Our owner uses us for right face shots and to cancels his lower body.

I'm looking for a reason to finally delete this app! I've been on here for at least ten years which should set alarm bells ringing and red flags waving all over the place.

I'm the forewarning that your message will be deleted if you start by saying Hi, Hello or What's Up?

I WILL NOT BE ADDRESSED IN SUCH A CASUAL MANNER!!!!

I do not respond to “winks’ or “likes”

I'm the thanks in advance for the woofs. I'm nothing without my fans.

I’m NO PIC NO CHAT! DON’T WASTE OUR TIME!

I'm the link to the private Instagram account.

I haven't looked at them in over a decade. I guess nothing's changed: same old liars.

I’m the ex who’s been cropped out of the photo.

I'm the oddly capitalized Ts and references to clouds. I'm here to tell the world that I am a drug addled skeleton trying to fill the void in my heart with flaccid dicks and the smell of cat piss.

I'm the dirty bathroom mirror with an equally dirty and cluttered counter top commonly seen in the selfie used for main profile pics.

I’m one of two profiles for each member of a bear couple. I show that I’m happily married to the absolute love of my life and that I’m JUST HERE FOR FRIENDS... I’m always up for meeting new people and having... “new adventures”. *wink* I pretty much mimic my partner profile. Lots of photos of our wedding and of us embracing one another in pools and hot tubs and with our three dogs and two cats. We’re ONLY here to keep up with our friends... who apparently don’t text, call, email or visit, which requires us to each have profiles on a gay hookup app. We just love cooking, being “two regular, normal guys”, traveling around our state to see and take part in anything that has the word “bear” associated with it... We like hanging out at home, being “average masculine guys”....and taking naughty pics of one another that we happen to keep here, locked.. (“pssst, this is ONLY for you! NObody has ever seen these so please don’t share. We NEVER do this kind of thing!”) ... Say hello and, guys who unlock their pics to the front of the line! But please don’t expect us to hookup! We’re only here to talk to friends. And make new ones! Did I mention the smaller of us is a bottom and the bigger one likes to eat ass while the smaller one gets fucked? ....and that we’re ONLY here to meet new friends?!

The ugliest one of course, R36!

i'm the link to twitter where you can find my onlyfans.

All of my photos are shirtless pics from the gym locker room. This is to show you that I'm in great shape, have no life, and think that going to the gym is a personality trait.

I'm the list of upcoming travel to cities around the globe. In no way does it mean that I'm an escort whose schedule follows the party circuit, though the dates may match.

I'm the TAP = BLOCK!! warning. Ignore me at your peril.

I am the 40 year old who had "boi" in my handle and says "no one over 30" in my add.

[quote]I’m the complete lack of distance. I’m so scared to show you how close we are that I could be 5 feet or 5 miles.

Judging from the distance, I'm in the next room and am your husband.

My status is It's Complicated which means I'm in an open relationship but my partner doesn't know yet because it's too complicated to explain.

I’m the transwoman who thinks posting a pic of her cleavage is going to get her anywhere on an app that’s 99% gay guys.

Keep it up. These apps deserve the brutal mockery they receive here!

I'm just here to make friends! Hiya! I will block you in seconds if you don't suggest we hook up immediately.

Why are all the guys who are into me 5000 miles away?? 😂😂🤷‍♂️💁

I’m the cast of onslaught of trans and genderqueers that look make the dating app look like a virtual casting call for extras for a new Mad Max film.

Musclebear in training looking for gym buddies or workout partners. Need to get back into a routine. Anyone else go to Planet Fitness?

I’m the onslaught of trans and genderqueers that look make the dating app look like a virtual casting call for extras for a new Mad Max film.

Classic

Im the sad and lonely losers that sit on these aps night after night… Year after year. If you try to engage with me I’ll block you. My whole life exists to hook up have sex do drugs and basically try to feed my extremely low self-esteem. I don’t know how to talk to people or exist in the real world because I’m a complete and total fucking loser.

I’m the person who went on a dating app 10 years ago and became so disheartened, I literally never went on another dating app since.

I am a self-described “oral expert” ready for no recip service. Please don’t step on my dentures after you come.

So much bitterness in this threD.

I’m the blank profile DMing you incessantly with an onslaught of super close-up ass shots and videos of me being fucked by disgusting fat old guys with tiny dicks.

R75 99% of the time that person will be Latino

I'm the impossibly, too-good-to-be-true, good looking, masculine Tops who are "Looking for trans only....NO MEN!!!!" who have invaded an app DESIGNED FOR MAN ON MAN SEX!!!

I'm the request for pics in addition to the 10 in your profile and the 200 on your IG. I want to see every photo ever taken of you before I decide to not meet up.

I'm white, muscular, dark-haired and bearded. Regardless of what I put in my profile, I only have sex with men who look exactly like me.

I’m the unique closeup of a butthole that wins me over. So romantic. I feel like I already know you.

I'm the daily "Good morning, handsome!" from your favorite stalker

I'm the profile with a twink that proclaim "Looking for fun now!" I hit up every decent looking twink inviting them to join me and friends a local hotel for group fun. It will be taped but you won't know it!

I'm the guy who when I asked for a pic, he responded with a pic of him with the most well known local news female anchor.

When I asked if they were friends, he said no.

I’m the profile pic that’s been cropped to show only my smiling eyes, as they’re my subject’s only attractive feature.

I will later be noticed by the subject’s ex-boyfriend, who took the picture on a trip for which he paid.

We're herpes and HPV. We've been inside everyone on this app. It's cool.

Im the gay guy that lives next door. I have a very full life, partner, friends and a career .. I like .. well most of time. You will never see me on the apps.. and that pisses you off. We’re not all whores with low self esteem.. and yes we see you hanging by your car every night waiting for your next trick. Pathetic!

I got lucky via Tinder lately. So I won’t bad mouth them.

I’m the guy who sits on here 24/7, 7 days a week. I am ALWAYS online. No knee ever actually met me. I just log on and sit, Letting the winks, flirts, and compliments pile up. I will never respond and never actually hook up with anybody. I’m pretty much not even a real person.

R86 Spoken like a person who is well adjusted and truly content with their life.

I’m a 56 yo youthful looking man that looks under 39. I’m not into old men, so no one over 35, please.

I'm the email reminder of what I have been missing since I last logged on. Wow! 10 horndogs have viewed my profile! I better log on and check! Oh... Those were suggested views. They didn't actually check me out.

I’m the 174 ass pictures sent from every Latino across SOCAL. If you don’t get all your messages tonight don’t worry they'll be 271 ass pics tomorrow mang.

I'm the spam folder for your email account. I'm loaded to the tits with emails about how many times you've shown up on searches even though you haven't logged on in six months.

I’m the enormous amount of pathological liars sitting and waiting for you to log on.

I posted a personal ad recently on Doublelist in the men-seeking-men dating category. I hadn't posted one in years and was curious what would happen.

I got about 8 replies and they were all cut-'n-paste sex invites (39, 6", cut, versatile, etc.). No one reads the ad- they just answer every ad and hope they get laid.

Sex ads are the purest form of what men are: just get off and get out.

I’m “Scout”, the 20-something y.o. lesbian masquerading as a man. I say I’m a “trans man” but I’ve never had surgery or even take hormones. I’m jist here waiting, hoping...praying somebody will tell me this is a site for gay MEN when I will explode like a self righteous bomb! I do it for all trans men everywhere! We WILL have our rights to gay men’s hookup sites!!!

I’m no fats, no fems.

I’m also “looking for friends only!” but you’d better send pics. I’m only looking for good looking friends.

Straight bro for straight bros only. No gays.

I'm the disclaimer "Allergic to drama," but I only mean *your* drama.

I'm 5'11" 260lbs but wear it well.

My profile tells you how I’m so sick of how shallow gay men are, but my photos and descriptions of myself and what I’m looking for indicate I’m just as shallow, if not more so.

I'm the obtuse and mythical "guy next door". I haven't existed since the 1960's in "My Three Sons"

I’m the requirement to “Have a face”.

I’m the requirement to “Have a face”.

I'm the crooked, closed-mouth "smirk" used to hide saggy cheeks and thin lips. I can make a 2 look like a possible 7 in one simple face expression. Despite different clothes, locations and times... all my photos have this *exact* same facial expression. Like it's frozen that way.

I'm the hiking picture taken the only time I went hiking. I HATED it but the pic makes me look so butch.

I'm getting a new phone or account for whatever reason, signing on new, and suddenly seeing all the people you'd blocked over the years all around you. Look at all these cute guys everywhere! But soon... you slowly walk your memory through why you blocked each and every one, and get really depressed.

Maybe he didn’t listen to his mother, r106.

I'm the 6'1 "model" who "only dates mature men because I am an old soul"

All of my pics are of me shirtless and holding a beer. My body is perfect, but they all say I have the most dreamy sensitive eyes.

I'm the 100-something, overweight, bald, ugly-as-hell, low-I.Q., mean-spirited weirdo who taps, says hello, and tries to chat and hook up with every single person on the app. I literally scroll through the grid one by one and approach everyone. Most block me right away. Any shred of attention makes me target you with a relentless stream of chat and pics. To me it's just a numbers game. Eventually I land on that one young inexperienced kid who doesn't know how to say no and is easily manipulated. I've fucked a lot of cute guys this way, and destroyed a lot of self-worth.

Im the obese guy that just wants to cuddle.

I’m the total top with a big dick and only shows a pic of my hairless asshole. I’m also discrete and can’t host.

I’m the guy who writes ‘I don’t bite – unless you ask LOL’.

I haven’t been laid, ever.

I’m the close up of an open mouth. I think I’m supposed to entice you into oral sex, but all I get are recommendations to see a dentist.

I'm the guy you dated a couple of times until you found out he had a partner. He wants to know how you are doing?

I'm 'Sorry can't host'.

But someday soon my 73 year old wheelchair bound mother, with whom I share a bedroom, will finally die.

I'm "Hi!"

I actually mean "Would you like to have anal sex with me?"

I'm the statement "I'm open minded"

This could lead to anything from underage sex, bestiality or scat.

Or all 3.

I’m the pointless line ‘No timewasters’. No one has ever seen that and thought ‘Oh, I’m a timewaster, I won’t bother then’

I’m the refusal to send even one face pic because “I don’t indulge pic collectors”. I seem to be unaware of all the free porn online which is far more appealing than any photo of me.

I'm the guy "Just relaxing at home"

I'm actually naked on the sofa, sitting on top of an on oversized dildo and typing with one hand with a bottle of poppers in the other.

I'm any of these phrases:

Masc

Dude

'Sup Bro?

I love Lady Gaga

I fucking hate Lady Gaga

No drama

Vers

Top

Bottom

All of which actually mean 'bottom'.

Im the 21-year-old who really wants a relationship. I don’t want to have sex with you. I wanna get to know someone on a deeper level. I’m 100% serious. I live in a small town and I have no clue how to meet other gay people. Everyone within a 75 mile radius will try to take advantage of me:

I hate that smirk, but usually it’s to appear like they are begrudgingly taking one selfie and and don’t want to appear like they put any real effort into it. Like “ugh I hate taking pictures of myself”. They think it hides the fact that it’s actually selfie number 152 that they finally were happy with.

Im the masculine Asian and Latino guys .. ooops they dont exist.

Do you think the people who say they can't host are due to the fact they are closeted/paranoid or is it they afraid of possibly letting some psycho into their home? Soooooo many people can never seem to host.

I'm the door left ajar at the Hilton by the airport. Let yourself in and wreck my hole.

I'm the married guy with no pics, cause you know, married automatically = hot/your type

Lolll r107, I totally did that when I used apps.

I’m the missing two inches of height of many of the guys who claim to be 5’9 but seem to be closer to 5’7 at most in person.

I'm the random fugly girl who wants to be friends with gay guys because I have ruined every girl friendship I have ever had.

Let's start some drama and ruin your crush's life

I'm the guy who posts just one blurry profile pic, but demands several clear pics from you. If you don't comply, I'll block you so fast, your head will spin.

[quote] Do you think the people who say they can't host are due to the fact they are closeted/paranoid or is it they afraid of possibly letting some psycho into their home? Soooooo many people can never seem to host.

R127, In my case it was because I lived in a basement apartment with 12 roommates.

I’m the mom in the family Christmas pic, posted to show what great marriage material he is, that would be mortified to have the specifics on exactly what my boy does with that mouth.

R131 Send all the short guys my way.

I'm the attached Instagram full of ass and bulge pics, along with pics of my little nieces and nephews, because I'm a proud guncle.

R127 I have “I can never host” written in all of my dating profiles. Every guy who’s ever asked why has felt bad afterwards (R117 actually isn’t all that far off).

R131 I’m 5’3 and get messaged all the time by guys asking “are you really that short?!?!” My answer is always, yes, and it’s really not that uncommon; most guys my height just say they’re 5’5 or 5’6.

I find short guys very hot as long as they aren’t really nellie or twink

R139 if only more guys thought like you!

R140 I second that .. hell yes for short guys

I call them “fun size” studs. Yum!

I'm the pulse of desperation that permeates page after page of profiles.

I despite men in R90

I'm poz on Tuesday but miraculously neg on Wednesday.

I'm the single guy who can't have anyone over because I have straight roommates. Yes, they know I'm gay, but they're not comfortable with my dates coming to our home, much less spending the night. No, their girlfriends sleep here all the time—why do you ask?

I’m the sex worker who only has professionally done photos and will eagerly send you my rates.

I'm a total top, i post my dick size and x rated pics, but I am ONLY LOOKING FOR FRIENDS

I'm the retired Italian American with the well-kept small house in the section of town that was Italian 50 years ago. I always deliver 10 fat rock-hard inches, despite my age. You gave me your ass multiple times 15 years ago when you were 35 and I was "56". You know damned well I'm over 70, despite being "61" and you're going to give me your ass again, you greedy slut.

I’m looking for generous friends over 50 only

R149 seems very localized and specific.

r50 Don't you mean "generou$ friend$?"

I’m the guy who reminds everyone its a DATING app not a SEX app—so don’t interpret the headless photo of him in a thong as anything but looking to meet guys for a romantic date. Romance is not dead, guys.

I'm the lenthy profile scolding anyone who dares identify as or seek 'masc' for your outdated & toxic values. Imagine how exhausting I am in person!

I'm drama. People are so tired of me.

The one and only truly honest profile:

Looking for a psychopathic, internally-homophobic and hyper-sexualised control freak, but not set in stone.

Please also be defined by labels, have a large collection of bathroom mirror selfies (with your shirt off of course), be a compulsive liar and write ‘ask me’ or ‘I’ll fill this in later’ as being mysterious, monosyllabic and lazy is really alluring.

I am strictly looking for men completely obsessed with the way they look, hate their jobs and think spending hours at the gym every day is a life well lived. People who adore validation from strangers to the front of the queue! I consider myself hyper-masc. In fact I’m probably straight. I like pussy so much I don’t even know why I’m on here.

I appreciate men who are discreet because discretion is the better part of valour. I also appreciate men who are discrete since I value someone with the emotional maturity to establish and maintain clear boundaries.

Another thing, don’t even think about using “Grrr”, “Hi" or “Hello" or any other bullshit one-word opening line. I want poetry and I don’t mean metaphorically. I want you to sit down and write me a poem. Something original and witty. And not some crappy first draft either. Writing is rewriting. I want rhyming, meter, imagery, theme. It had better be fucking brilliant otherwise I will block you.

Oh and thanks for all the compliments guys. You see I’m so incredibly popular, handsome and sexy, and there are just so many of you who want me that I couldn’t possibly take the time out from constantly looking in the mirror to acknowledge your existence.

I'm networking.

I'm the guy who asks for your pic first so he can judge and be quick to block you if he doesn't like what he sees. I don't bother sending my pic afterwards.

I'm the "pro" photographer! All my profile pics are my models. You clicked on it thinking it was me didn't you?

Anyway, while you're here... I charge $300 for a shoot, sex-trades for a shoot are not out of the question (giggle!), and by the way I look like Jabba the Hut with Richard Simmons' head (and voice).

All my "clients" are too dumb to figure out how to take a flattering photo with an iPhone.

I’m the ‘dating’ app for straight people.

R114, are you also r9?

No crazies

Exactly, r162, because it’s been my experience in life that the crazies know they’re crazy.

I'm the "last tested negative in February" but I've taken nearly a 100 raw cocks since so who knows.

I'm the unusually hot guy who hits you up. When you reply, I will send you a link to some website where you can pay to see more of me. For some reason my profile always lists my height as 2'3"

I am the guy who will engage you in conversation for a good hour while I wait for my roommate to leave so I can have you over.

In the interim, we will trade nude photos and I will tell you all the hot things I am going to do to you when my roommate finally leaves.

At some point I will cum from jerking off to your photos/our conversation, at which point I will block you or just stop responding.

Given that several people have mentioned it: every time I was in LA and on Grindr, I would get hit up multiple times by random Latino guys who'd send me multiple close ups of their assholes, but nothing else. They invariably lived 30 miles away from my hotel too.

What's the story there? Any theories?

I am "bi curious"

That instantly makes me 25% hotter

I am "wait, I thought you said your name was Matt?" when you actually do hook up in person.

I am 39.

I am the Grindr age of every guy between the ages of 39 and 52.

I am 49

I am the Grindr age of every guy between the ages of 49 and 62

R167 It must be a cultural thing. The latinos in LA have done this for years. If I stay anywhere near LAX and open up any hook up app I will get at least 20 to 25 ass pictures within about 15 to 20 minutes. My theory is is they’re desperate… Most likely they live in their parents house or with a wife.

Or R164

"Last tested negative in May 2020!"

Really? Do please tell us which testing place was open then.

R166 had that happen although dude kept pestering me to come over right away. So I did, and about two miles down the road, I get a text telling me not to come because his housemate came home early. It might have been true, but more than likely he either got off to porn, or got a “better” offer. I was pissed and basically thanked him for wasting my time. He may have been being honest, but apparently this happens a lot, so after that I deleted Grndr and haven’t returned. Too many game players and flakes.

R173 I suspect many of them are married (to either a man or a woman), closeted, underage, or nothing like their profile pictures. The app becomes something like a video game for them, where the goal is to get off while online, rather than ever meet someone.

award for best marketing of a 69 yr old

"I am a very clean , discreet,bi married white male . Due to medical reasons I only give oral . I can never host but can travel. If interested let's talk a bit ."

R90 is the best

I am taking PrEP, Treatment as prevention.

I am the guy with a lengthy list of complaints and demands in my profile.

Even if I am hot and you are getting desperate, you will avoid me because you correctly imagine that I will be equally demanding in bed and complain about everything from the lighting in the room to the position in which you are fucking my ass.

The more I get rejected, the lengthier my list of complaints gets.

It's a vicious cycle.

I'm the Grindr formula tops use to make their 3.5" cock, a 7" cock.

R178 heard stories also that these mega profile guys will announce in the middle of things (date/sex), “I’m sorry, but this just isn’t working for me anymore” and abruptly leave. It’s like there’s this tipping point where if the stars aren’t aligned just right they give themselves the right to be a cunt.

Ironically these are are also usually the guys who talk about just wanting to meet “a nice simple guy with a heart of gold”.

R180 Id rather be alone than on the apps. Pointless waste of time.

I'm the fool that claims to be "discrete".

I’m the ultimate ghetto giveaway: “come correct”.

I'm 200 dollars. A surprising % of young men will do anything with beat-up late-middle-aged men, to get their hands on me.

I'm the description Italian 8" thick top with no profile pic that gets flooded with responses.

R18:3.. ha! Also… “What imma go ahead and do is”

What does “come correct” mean?

Douched

I'm the closeted, married local news anchor who only posts photos of himself from the neck down

R187, I think it means in the butt without a condom.

I'm the "guy next door." If you live next door to a meth lab.

No, R190. It means ass clean, and sometimes no BO.

I'm a skier who loves the snow. ❄️⛷️ Sorry, Pepsi is not ok.

It’s so they can cheat on their partners, r127.

Duh.

I'm 29 and 5'11.......which means I'm really 5'9" and 34.

I'm the guy who is still using the same picture after 20+ years (it followed me over from A4A). Fortunately, after all this time I'm still 29!

I'm a megachurch pastor who preaches against gays. But I'm on grindr 24/7 looking for dick

I’m DDF

R198 omg..That’s genius where did you find that?

R199 I’ve had it saved in my arsenal of PSA YoiTube videos for awhile now. :)

*YouTube

I’m “into?” and these days, I’m considered a perfectly polite alternative to “hello” and “how are you doing?”.

R180 - that happened to me once.

The worst one was some guy I exchanged loads of messages with, including plenty of pics. He wanted to come over dressed head to toe in biker gear and do this and do that yadda yadda. He finally showed up about an hour late, I opened to door, he looked at me and said 'Nah' and walked away. I'd like to think this was his 'thing' He got off on humiliating people. Or maybe I'm just fucking hideous.

Actually that's another one that bugs me:

I'm 'What are you going to do me?' I kneed to know all the precise and vivid details. Once I've finished jerking off to your messages I'll cum and block you.

I'm the bizarre act of asking someone things, and just taking their answers at face value.

"Are you ____?"

"Yep."

"Oh okay cool."

I’m the guy who has every single stat filled out except his HIV status. I will not get messaged because this will cause others to make an assumption.

Face.

Were the pics you sent the biker current? Did they include face? I am guessing they were and you did. Which sounds like the trick was not really up to delivering what he promised.

I had this kid who wanted to get beat up. I went over there once and it was pretty good. At one point he was trying to get away from me, but that could have been part of the act. Anyway, He hits me up all the time now. I don't want to block because I might want to do it again. But I don't really like the idea of expending all that energy just to get off.

I’m “NOT INTO ANAL or KISSING!l and am super paranoid and make you wear a condom for oral sex when you untimely hook up You feel like offering them rubber gloves and a can of Lysol.

They were just ahead of their time R208

R205 Well the assumption is that you are HIV positive. Why would you purposely leave that out unless you were trying to hide something. I forgot is not an acceptable answer on a detailed profile

What’s an “untimely hookup”?

R172, I’m not trying to ruin the fun, but I’ve been to my doctor in May, albeit not for an HIV test.

[quote] I’m not trying to ruin the fun, but I’ve been to my doctor in May, albeit not for an HIV test.

Was it for a hookup with the doctor? What was his profile like?

R210 that’s my point! What’s even crazier is when guys put the date they got tested but not what the results were.

I'm the serial killer into bondage. My profile includes a pic of me dressed as Santa Claus so you know I'm a decent guy and 100% won't kill you and pose you after I strangle you.

I’m the guy who invites you over to an abandoned house he’s squatting in where he plans to rob you. The house may look empty and dark but I’m just being discreet. Come around the back and enter through the back door.

I’m the free bedbugs you take home.

I love cuddling and snuggling. Good kissers are a must!

I’m.the real estate agent that uses empty houses to hook up in.

I'm the murderer

I’m always looking for you, r219!

I'm the closeted married man who "can't host" because Iive with my wife and two kids

I am the divorced man who still lives in his home with his ex-wife and kids and I CAN host.

I'm "I'll fill this in later"

I'm yet another lie.

I'm 'Mmmmm'.

I'm what inarticulate people say to give the illusion that they can maintain a conversation. Or something that's easy to type with one hand. You decide.

[quote] I'm the local guy with the same profile you've been seeing since 2003 on Gay.com. It's 2020 and it's now my Grindr pic.

And, like CZJ, I have remained a ravishing 33 for all 17 of those years.

R167 it sounds like you got a'd.

and speaking of.....

I'm the butch top who calls you before your hookup to chat and excites you with his gruff, deep voice.

As soon as you walk in, I do a 180 and my heels are on the ceiling before the door clicks closed behind you.

I'm the guy with no pictures and no intention on sending any who demands you do a whole pornographic photoshoot for me or else get blocked.

I'm the long-winded Scruff profile. I mistakenly imagine that I'm so fascinating that people are just dying to read me.

I am commas, periods and question marks. Anyone seen me lately?

I'm the innocent person who just posted a selfie on Instagram not knowing that some fat, ugly slob is about to screenshot it and use it to catfish nudes out of hot guys.

I'm the delusional guy who will block anybody who doesn't look like they just walked out of a Calvin Klein underwear ad. Never mind the fact that I'm no great prize myself. I know what I deserve and refuse to settle! (I'll be spending tonight, and every night, alone.)

I'm the multiple provocative photos. I'm here, even though the poster is ONLY looking for friends and is with the love of his life, and not looking to change that at any time.

I'm the top who lists all his stats except his dick size. Those bottoms will never figure out I'm not hung if I don't list it!

I'm the following question this same top gets every single time he hits up a bottom: How hung are you?

I’m the “married” guy who has a deep tan and bleached tips and claims that my “wife” is “out-of-town”.

Pictures of my “family” on the piano look remarkably similar to the stock photos that came with the picture frame.

If you have to ask how big I am then that is a deal breaker/red flag.

I don’t like guys who are so gaping and used up that there is zero friction, even with a huge one.

What’s the point.

Needle dick mosquito fucker ^

I’m the person who requests a full portfolio, closeups, snapchats, videos and xrays before meeting.

I'm the person who requests STD tests for the last 5 years before meeting

Anyone hear the echo in here?

I’m the person that asks to know, in granular detail, every single thing that is going to happen when we meet.

I’m always like, DO I LOOK LIKE SOME KIND OF ORACLE??? How in the bleep would I know?

this thread started well.

I'm the Shouts on Growlr. I'm here to show you the most pathetic desperate men in your area. They pay between $5 and $20 for this privilege.

I'm the married man who has cut his wife off from the profile picture. "We don't derive pleasure from each other anymore. I am looking for friendship and companionship that could possibly lead to more." (Subtext : No it won't! I would just pump and dump, but if you are foolish enough to swipe right, you deserve it....Also, don't tell my wife!)

I'm COVID-19. I'm a convenient excuse to put "No hookups, I'm social distancing" in your profile for when unattractive and/or creepy guys message you. But if a hot guy messages you, all the sudden you aren't so worried about me anymore.

I’m the embarrassing visible toilet in the bathroom selfie.

I am the turd in that bowl at r247

I'm the horny married guy just looking for a blow job. I haven't had sex in 2 years and am doing this in desperation. I can never host, I have a thick eight inches and will not touch you except to hold your head in place while I fuck your mouth. I immediately block you as soon as I walk out the door.

I'm the guy described in R249, I'm actually a homely gay guy but I found out if I claim to be straight and married that skanky queens will throw themselves at me for sex. I hardly ever see them more than once though because they aren't the type to date.

I'm the bathroom mirror gunk visible in half of your selfies.

I’m the “bi curious” guy who takes 5 min to respond between texts and engages a guy in a 30 min conversation with plans to hook up then never shows.

Truth be known, I was chatting with 3 other guys art the same time and regularly jerk off to the idea of hooking in with a guy, but never really intend to. I block all the guys after I come and laugh thinking about the guys I left waiting for a hookup that will never show.

I’m the obnoxious Latino that calls everyone Papi

I'm the "Thanks for all the woofs!" that lets everyone know that this guy is way too attractive for YOU.

I'm another married guy. If I'm married to a woman, I am really paranoid and won't ever show you a face pic, but I'm fine showing you a close up of my hole. I'm "clean" and expect you to be "clean" also. If I am married to a man, I want to make it clear that you mean nothing to me, I'm only on this site because my husband is not satisfying me sexually. Basically, I kind of think of you as the help.

I’m the come dump that is clearly on meth that chats you when you randomly log in late at night. He tells you how hot you are/sound and wants to know if you’ll come over. It’s strange he knows so much since you have no photo or personal details posted on your profile. Is he psychic? lol

And they wonder why we end up getting killed and robbed by psychos....

I’m the queer SJW who wants straight acting white cock but won’t admit it. Her profile will remind you that BLM, trans lives matter, and she blocks all haters and anyone who uses the word “clean” in regards to their HIV status.

pics

I’m the 63 year old top (been told I look 40), even though I’m advertising as a top my private album is full of ass and hole pics. When I finally meet up with you my neck, face, and chest will be bright red from ED meds and I will fuck you for 2 minutes, after which I’ll feign exhaustion. I’ll flip over and suggest “something i’ve never tried before!” which is for you to fuck ME. It’s what I actually wanted the whole time teehee!!!

I'm the twink who uses Grindr to promote my favorite popstar's new album/single. Stream it on Spotify and I'll send you my nudes. I'll probably send them anyway even if you don't, but it will make me really happy if you do.

I’m the surprisingly hot guy who sends you tons of flattering comments, nudes and personal stories for an entire week, along with a lengthy list of all the filthy things I want to do to you, who abruptly starts ghosting you the day before our scheduled hookup and ultimately blocks you for no explainable reason.

I'm the internet inches.

I’m the guy who’s fully clothed in all his pics to hide the gorilla hair growing out of every single pore.

I’m the vaguely Slavic undertones to the otherwise perfect English from the hot blonde soldier stationed oversees who just wants to meet a nice guy. After weeks of chatting our ‘soldier’ will asking you for money.

I'm the activist who devotes my entire bio to speaking out against racism, transphobia, fat shaming, etc. If you're an ignorant, closed minded Republican bigot, don't bother messaging me.

I'm the profile that is a cover for someone advertising for some kind of political candidate. I'm also the claim that this is a revolutionary idea when really I'm just an excuse not to leave my couch and troll for dick while I'm supposed to be working.

No taps

"I'm straight but curious".

I'm Country Boy! I'm 27, looking for other hot young neg hung jocks or twinks with gym memberships who love & crave sweaty passionate bareback fun with muscle boys like me (18-36).

I'm the blank profile that bombards you with pictures of my ass and cock right away. Let's not waste time on small talk. No "hey," "what's up?" or "how are you?" I want to get straight to the point.

Im the bathroom selfie with a toilet in the background..Im clueless

I'm the cute young guy that messages you out of the blue -And when you read his profile he is a counselor at a local community health agency who wants you to get tested for HIV and STIs. I won't actually meet up or ever have sex. With anyone. Ever.

I’m the Asian twink. Just TRY to use the ethnicity filter now to make me vanish! haha!!

R272 and you are posting from 1998?

Im the gay wigga in Atlanta dat wants to chill

I'm the freeper at r257 who whines about SJWs. I'm closeted to all my red state friends and my fellow Republicans

I’m the “Sup bro?” from the frat boy in a backwards Baseball cap. He looks masculine online but in person he is flaming.

I’m ‘Me!’ on New York’s Upper East Side. I’m a nerdy yet sexy young doctor at a local hospital. Catfish me on Scruff and maybe post my nudes here.

I'm the serious, squinty selfie that makes my face look like an actual jock's and less like Betty Boop.

I’m the unflattering fluorescent light illuminating all of the bathroom selfies.

I’m the insanely gorgeous hunk who happens to be visiting your town for one day only and messages you, only it happens to be the one time you’re away.

I'm "Just here for one thing. If you can't get together right now, I'll block you. Can't host."

Man this thread is filling up fast considering that guys tell me they're not into hookup apps

I'm hoooking up as I type this

pics?

im the older guy who states he will pay for it cause thats the only way he gets laid.

I'm a/s/l? I was here before you bitches and I'll be here long after you're gone.

I’m generou$

I’m your boss who can tell you were on the app all day

I’m not fats, no fems, no blood, no scat.

R289 and who’ll send you dick pics after getting sloshed at Happy Hour.

I'm the fems, fats and Asians who didn't get further than you profile pic to read what you weren't into.

R281, he was a hustler...

I'm the occasional really great hook-up.

R294 I concur. Even with all the cackle-worthy cliches in this thread (which are mostly true); sometimes when the door opens your eyes light up and you jam into each other like magnets. It may be good for just the night or it may be the guy you stick with for years, but if you hadn't opened that sordid app you never would have crossed paths.

I'm the watermark Manhunt applied to pictures in 2002. I will be present in all hookup apps for all time.

I'm the redundancy in "DDF free"

I'm the vers top with a preference for "Asians and Latinos to the front of the line ..... weakness for gingers too".

I'm the one good picture you looked halfway decent in which was taken in 2005. All I accomplish is making the person experience sheer disappointment when they see you in person, but you hope they say "I've come this far. I may as well stay."

I’m the pseudo legal paragraph warning Sydney University that it may not use my photos, especially the one of my puckered hole, for research purposes.

I'm a divorced, proud father who has custody of my kid for the weekend. Don't worry. I'm going to make him go to bed early tonight, but we have to be quiet so we don't wake him up.

“Husky” is not a thing.

I'm the bestiality that's implied by the "and other stuff" end of "I'm into kissing, sucking, cuddling, fucking, and other stuff."

To me “other stuff” implied some fetishes, role play or maybe s&m, never would think it implied beastiality!

I'm the local GOP politician who is trying to hide his identity

More wild than mild. Talk dirty to me! #puplife

I'm the public photos of him and husband in fantastic vacation spots: the Pyramids! Eiffel Tower! the Great Wall!

I'm the photos sent privately of him with two dicks and a dildo up his ass at the same time along with a message asking if my fist can be the fourth member of the party. He's got fresh poppers and all.

FFriendly! ✊🤛👊🤜

I am the washed-up ex-child actor from a long-canceled sitcom that was never any good to begin with. Coming out of the closet didn’t do a thing to make me any less washed-up, so I am using whatever fading memories of whatever long-lost fame I ever had to lure you into a trap where I can infect you with HIV via unsafe sex.

^^How dare you?

How dare I? You’re the one who is shortening gay men’s lives. How dare you! And what made it worse is that you backed me into a corner where are you forced me to agree with that Bure woman who I also hate.

I do what I want. I'm the boss!!

I'm the profile with no picture which means I'm either a closeted "straight" guy (likely with a wife or girlfriend) or I'm so damn ugly that I know no one would respond to my messages if I showed them what I really look like.

I’m a picture of muscle daddy in chaps in front of floor to ceiling shelves of Lladró collectibles.

It's 2020. I'm Rip Van Winkle apparently because I'm "looking to get pozzed" please "breed me" with your "toxic seed"

R310 and R312 are doing the work of anti-gay bigots for them.

I'm the difference between "undetectable" and HIV-free. Some of you don't know the difference.

I’m “undetectable = untransmissible” and other shamey slogans to guilt you into taking your life in your hands and fucking me raw.

“I’m POZ!”

I am the guy "looking for friends" and demands 20 pics then blocks you for not being his type... "friends" eh ?

I'm "Thanks for all the compliments. Really appreciate them. Don't take it personally if I can't get back to each one of you."

I'm the white twink with #BLM they will ignore any black man that tried to message me to hookup. Not into black men or Asians.

I’m the overly confident fuzzy chub who hits up everyone in the hopes of a nibble.

I’m the cutesy emoticons such as:

[no symbol] pic, no [eggplant symbol]

I’m the guy who wants to have a beer first and get to know you better before we have sex. I’m frau-adjacent.

I’m the guy that wants a relationship. I seriously don’t know what the hell I’m doing here. I live in a small town and there’s nowhere else to meet gays.

I’m COVID-19, I’ll kill off whoever my sister HIV couldn’t!

I’m offended that you ask me about sex before you ask me out on a romantic date. What about my half naked headless body shot are you misunderstanding?

I’m He/Him

I need to be wooed on a date before we hit it off. I need to know you really want me and that I’m not a random choice.

I'm LOL. I usually come right after "I'm horny." Because being horny is apparently laugh-out-loud hilarious.

I’m the couple with multiple photos posted who always seems to be “just one of us tonight” whenever they chat

I’m a sassy black T with a photo filter of a bunny nose. I get no action.

Why are so many couples looking for friends on dating apps—and so adamant they aren’t looking for hookups? If you are in a relationship, you should have twice as many friends to choose from.

I’m looking for my “dom top “ but based on the intricate qualifications described in my profile, it’s clear I’m a VERY bossy bottom, and my dom wouldn’t be in charge of anything

I'm just here passing time because I already have a partner and he's so much better than you, but you should still know I'm on PREP and am into kink.

I'm here To meeT GreaT playmaTes

I’m here looking for friends in The clouds ☁️

I'm your ex boyfriend or ex fuck buddy. We ended on bad terms but I still want to talk with you, maybe "meet up for drinks". You'll ignore me, as you rightfully should.

“ALPHA Dom looking for other tops to tagteam my beta bottom bitch bf.”

As always, there is only one top.

We are all the fats, fems, and Asians you turned down. Eventually, we will be turning down your mattresses in hospital beds. Don’t forget, some of us are nurses.

I'm someone's fluctuating age. I'm not listed in the profile but when you ask about me you'll get different answers every time. A few weeks ago I was 42. This week I'm 49!

This actually happened to me last week.

R342 I’m the guy whose age and pics haven’t changed in the nine years you’ve seen me on the apps.

I’m the ‘clean’ HIV status (one year out of date)

I'm all the 29-year-old guys. We're really 37.

I'm the 16-year-old boy who is lying about being 18. If you hook up with me, you're going to jail!

I’m the nice looking older guy with a good body who hits you up. You were going to meet me until I sent you a dick pic showing a giant rat’s nest of pubes, hairy shaft and three inch wiry ball hairs.

[QUOTE] three inch wiry ball hairs.

ageism!

R347 plus old men stink .. gross.

[quote] I’m the nice looking older guy with a good body who hits you up. You were going to meet me until I sent you a dick pic showing a giant rat’s nest of pubes, hairy shaft and three inch wiry ball hairs.

Better to be forewarned than have that sprung on you like snakes in a can when you pull someone's underwear down.

Thanks to this app, I've met the love of my life lol! So I'm just here now to keep up with friends. Not looking!!!!!

I'm in an open relationship. Only my boyfriend doesn't know it!

I'm a sergeant in the US army.

I'm not out yet but I'm hoping to meet someone special.

I'm kinda lonely over here in Afghanistan.

I’m the guy using an obvious stock photo as my profile pic.

btw no word of a lie, a guy sent me a full-length pic of himself (fully clothed) standing next to a naked woman. I think she was a stripper, looked like they were in some sort of club.

He turned out to be a farm boy. It was the weirdest thing

There is no reason for you not to have a profile pic, it is 2019 and you have a camera in your hand!!

well, that IS true, R356

It’s 2020, R356 and R357. We’re already more than halfway through 2020, actually, believe it or not...

OMG I've encountered every one of these guys on the apps. Now I'm paranoid about my own profiles LOL. Help me! What profile really gets results?

I’ve noticed the rats nest thing with older guys. Why don’t they groom? I’m not talking hedge animals—-just trim it up a bit.

R357/R358 - that was the joke. Criticizing other people's profiles while yours is outdated.

I got it, nonetheless there is no excuse anymore to say you don’t have a picture

Anyone without a pic is either:

1.Fat or Fug

2.Completely misrepresenting himself (e.g. 20 years older than he's claiming to be)

3.Major closet case - possibly some megachurch guy or a fundie politician

R360 I don’t know but it makes me fucking wanna vomit. Trim your shit. I can’t even see your dick in that fucking bush.

I’m the hot leather daddy from Canada who turns out to be a great time and we spend all day in bed together.

I'm your cat.

Please stop having all these guys over, and just pet me.

I'm the old gay man in a monogamous relationship for 39 years. This all sounds dreadful.

I’m the partner talked into a threesome by his partner. I don’t want to do it but I don’t want him cheating behind my back.

I’m the third guy wondering why one of these guys is giving me major attitude during sex. Now he just left in a huff and locked himself in the bathroom.

Hi! I’m the guy who came over when you posted that “I’ll be blindfolded and waiting on all fours” post.

You don’t remember me, and couldn’t identify me anyway but I sure enjoyed fucking you. It’s fun now when I see you around. Am I your neighbor? Your boss? A co-worker? Your lawn guy? I’m not telling but hope you post another invitation like that!

I'm the guy who messages you every time I see you're on. We've chatted before and you weren't interested. Now you ignore me every time I say, "Hi". How soon until you block me?

I’m bi curious but only enough to pretend I’d actually hook up. Ultimately I’ll disconnect after I get off to bi porn and block you. I’ll be on tomorrow night and do the same thing.

I'm so sick of the fugs with blank profiles sending me one unsolicited face pic. Like I' supposed to say wow! get over here! I'm open to all types of guys but at least start a conversation. Some of the hottest guys I've ever met started with a blank profile.

i told one guy i was going thru a divoice. He asked guy or girl ? When i said guy , he blocked me. I guess he considered that "too gay"

R374 I have a feeling that fits on the “married dick is hot dick” thread. They love the idea of providing something the wife isn’t.

Yeah, because if a guy has sex with men on the side, it's his wife's fault

[quote] i told one guy i was going thru a divoice. He asked guy or girl ? When i said guy , he blocked me. I guess he considered that "too gay"

He probably didn’t know what a divoice was.

Either that or you messaged him using the same grammar skills you’re showing here.

R377 Change your depends Ron .. or is it Don or Phil..or some other elder gay name.

I'll be "If I'm on here, I'm bored and horny." Apparently being bored is a huge aphrodisiac for gay men.

I'm health status "I don't know"

I’m “Happily partnered”.

No you aren’t, otherwise you wouldn’t be here looking for “friends”.

You can't expect me to pick friends who don't have 8-packs.

I'm the alpha dog in the open relationship. I lay down the guidelines. Take it or leave it

I’m the guy who is just looking for a nice guy. Unfortunately none of the trolls that lurk the site 24/7 are “nice” enough.

I'm the guy who is ready to meet in person after weeks of chat but still no first name or face pic.

that's most of them r385. Why would they add a face pic to their profile after meeting you?

This thread was funny

ummm, doesn't need to add to profile just but I'd like to know what you look like when I open the door. Your 1st name would be good especially when i offered up mine 1 week in. What am i missing?

The hot fun of anonymous sex, R388

And the chatting for “weeks”? FOH with that. Weeks?

so I'm learning its just anonymous, spontaneous hookups, or nothing at all. And most folks cant host

PASS!

Welcome to Grindr and Scruff, r391!

I’m the shame and despair.

I'm the married guy just wanting to suck cock. I will roll over and throw my legs in the air because that's what I really want.

I'm the disappointed DLer that ended up with R394 who ran out the front door as soon as I lifted my caftan and presented hole.

I'm the naive, hot, shy, 19 year old kid who just wants to find someone special. I have not been disillusioned yet.

I'm Kevin Bacon, the guy killed by a grindr trick

I'm 35 and into older guys , which is stated on my profile. A 19yo kid messaged me and begged me to "shit" on him. He was a cute kid too. How does one get into such an extreme fetish at 19? I really wanted to ask "who hurt you?" I remember being his age and lusting after guys my age so I'm not going to hold that against him. But I just ignored him instead. It's going to be akward if I run into him in public.

I’m this stupid crooked smile in a selfie

I'm 'Undetectable'. You can TOTALLY trust me!

I’m “what part of undetectable = UNTRANSMITTABLE do you not understand???”

You WILL fuck my poz ass raw whether you like it or not and you’re an uneducated bigot if you don’t.

I’m also the asymptomatic gonorrhea infection gets doesn’t know he has. Tee hee!!

I’m the expiring close up dick pic. No one knows why I exist.

I’m the shaved pubes stubble

I like you, r403. Let’s meet and play

I'm the screenshot a troublemaker just took of somebody's Grindr profile to get him in trouble for cheating and/or to out him as gay to his family and friends. That's what you get for turning me down.

I’m the fake profile photo and the request for your phone number so we can chat directly because I need to be discreet

I'm "On PReP/Preexposure"... Which means I'm HIV-pos, or take extra precaution, or announcing I'm a cum-dump extraordinaire, or all of the above. Either way, I'm a whore, darlin'.

I'm FFun, and I'm showing up more and more lately. If you put anything less than a forearm inside me, I won't feel it! 🤜👊🤛✊

I am ONLY looking in SFLANYCLondonBerlin

I’m the profile claiming to be multiracial but I’m actually black.

I’m the profile claiming to be Native American but I’m actually black.

I'm "Hopeless Romantic looking for Shameless Whore"

I'm the serial deleter that deletes his profile 3x a week, but always reinstall after midnight on weekends. I'm reliable and definitely won't delete this app before we hookup.

I'm the profile pic of Daniel Craig emerging from the ocean, because EVERYONE says I look JUST LIKE HIM.

But it's not actually me because of work.

But let's meat and you WON'T BE DISAPPOINTED!

HosTing now

SOBER ONLY AND ABSOLUTELY NO PARTY AND PLAY

well, booze poppers and 420 ARE ok compared to meth, so

"Guy next door."

Yeah, if you live next door to a meth lab.

I'm every picture with a woman whose face is blurred out

Even worse, I’m the guy with pictures of a woman whose face is NOT blurred out

I'm the worst this site has to offer: a profile of a guy who's actually handsome, smart, not too young but not too old either. I present a person who's emotionally mature, knows what he wants and who he is and who's even charmingly witty.

In reality, I hide a clinical psychopath with lots of experience with suckers like you, who will use you for years then abandon you a shadow of your former self to wonder, for the rest of your life, how this could happen to you.

Fortunately, I'm relatively rare.

I’m ‘Middle Eastern’ and I know what you’re thinking and hoping for but no, i’m just a nebbishy Jew from Brooklyn who obtained Israeli citizenship through some summer program in college.

i'm the disproportionate use of the age "69"

I'm mostly on here to meet friends and hang out. That's why all my pics are shirtless and I have a pup mask on.

what's a pup mask

The mask of a young dog, R425. The mask of a young dog.

The hottest guys usually don't have a pic.

I’m all the usernames ending in boi

I’m the facial wasting and crux belly on guys > 50 years old

I’m the self-proclaimed ‘cum dump’ who promises to be blindfolded and ass-up in his hotel room, no load refused.

I will ask you for your age, height, weight, race, dick size, ethnicity, circumcision status, orientation, occupation, place of residence, and place of birth.

I'm the guy who posts this quote from Maya Angelou in his profile:

"Without courage we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can’t be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest."

Then below that quote, I post the following:

"No face pic = insta-block. Be in shape and fit like me. Under 40 only."

^^^ “No fats, no Asians, no fems.”

That's Alok out then R432

I'm the Muscle Mary with 'No reply IS A REPLY' on my profile.

He'll furiously message you, if you're hot and have left a track, but no message!

^^^^ that’s the cuntiest meanest thing to say but surprisingly I see it a lot, especially on Scruff.

Im the blank profile that taps you, but doesn't message you.

No age, no stats, nothing. So you can't tap back unless you take out the premium package.

R436: probably an app policy to get more paying customers

I’m a Bronie bio female with blue hair that identifies as a male and I feel discriminated against because I get blocked

I am the uplifted toilet seat at the rear of the profile pic.

Unloved, avocado, slightly stained.

Not into Daddies.

Looking for generou$

Trans

XXXL

Couple

(The only pic of the happy couple is the final one of five, with the boyfriend half cut off of it)

I’m the filthy bathroom with toothpaste (squeezed from the middle), dirty mirror, magazines on the floor near the toilet, and visible black mold on the tile grout. But check out my abs!!!

23x8

I am the torso profile declaring....

And for the love of God, if you're a mere torso, landscape, black void, please send a face pic with your first message!

I am the mobile phone, positioned so accurately as to ensure that once the profile pic is uploaded, no one will be able to see a single feature of my face.

I’m the sole profile picture with a letter icon that declares I don’t answer people with blank profiles.

I'm the single mother of two who only told you I'm single.

I have a 💍💎💠 diamond symbol on my pro£ile

Some guy on Grindr who didn't speak English wanted me to chat with him via Google Translate. He was a 5"3" 48 year old Latino guy visiting his family in New Jersey from God knows where.

OK, I’m lost, r449. What’s that mean?

It means you're an escort and/or looking for a sugar daddy to support you R451.

'I want to be horsewhipped in my rabbit costume whilst you read Beatrix Potter aloud. No weirdos please!'

I'm The guy who wanTs to be "smoked up," doesn'T have a car, doesn'T have money, buT wanTs you To send an Uber To pick him up and he has used The same slighTly blurry phoTo for The lasT eighT years.

GMTV on your local dealer's profile

R446 - you forgot to add 'taken with the flash on so the light burst obscures my face. Took my 43 attempts to get that angle right"

I’m the phone blocking my face in a dirty mirror with more splatters than a bukkake porno

I’m the guy who lives 600 feet away and who never acknowledges you even after 4 years, even just a simple hello. Fuck you too, dick. Block me then.

I'm the guy that writes three paragraphs about my depression and wonders why no one chats with me, ever.

I am the photographer happy to pop around to take your profile pics for free, or failing that for a quick blow and go!

Twinks and Jocks only mind!

I'm just here for fun. Put the proposals back in your pockets fellas.

I'm the status Widowed, and I'm completely fucking depressing. You get to fuck me and the memory of my dead partner!

I am the profile in Christmas jumper, roaring fire and snow in the background in August....

2009

I’m “someone is using/stealing my pictures.”

I immediately make you think, “Why would someone do that? You ain’t all that.”

I'm the guy the hit you up "From Explore" That loves you and wants to have a LTR with you. I always have one nice pic of me and my dog or in a car. I'm always 27 or 29.

I’m 5,000 miles away, Hi!!!!

R466 That made me laugh!

100 times a day? yeah...

I’m the leather clad burly crystal methed hairy guy who claims to be a pig! I’ll even write “oink oink” to you! I say I love “mansmells” and being “a pig” with “no limits” but what that REALLY means is that I want to do Tina with you all weekend and we’ll lay in bed stinking because neither will bathe or brush our teeth until we have to drag ourselves home.

If you even DARE to suggest that my being a “pig” into “man smells” means I want to lick your dirty ass though, I will block you. I may be a pig, but I’m not THAT kind of a pig. You’re supposed to know this already, loser.

The odd specificity of R469 tells me that this really happened.

MUSCLE FOR MUSCLE ONLY

BE REALISTIC!

R458 I have one of those! I have never seen him in real life yet I see him consistently on the apps around 400 feet away, with the second-closest guys being at least 2000 feet away. I would understand him not responding if he were particularly attractive or had a ton of options in the neighborhood, but I guess he will never give or receive my convenience bj.

R472 I have a guy that lives across the hall from me and his profile is on every app 24/7. I see him in the elevator, the laundry room and in the hall. We exchange small talk too and discuss what's going in the building, etc. I'm just dying to say something but I don't know how to bring it up. He must see me too on some of those apps, he'd have to be blind not to since my face is right in my profile clear as day.

Transwomen only!

Why oh WHY don't the guys nearby want to hook up with me??? There could be no sensible reason!

I don’t want to hook up with him R475. It’s just weird to know about 2 radically different aspects of someone that is so physically close . I guess it’s a sign of our modern world .

A guy having a sex life is a radically different aspect of his personality? I'd agree if he were a coworker or a family member but a semi-stranger?

Serious question: Is there a hook up app for lesbians?

R13 that’s a good one, that’s funny

R475 I totally understand that their could be several reasons my reasons my neighbor doesn’t want to hook up with me; I just find it odd that he lives so close (in a neighborhood with very few guys on the apps) and has never even acknowledged my existence.

[quote]I totally understand that their could be several reasons my reasons my neighbor doesn’t want to hook up with me;

I’ll bet it begins and ends with poor grammar and punctuation.

the guy who is 400 feet away from me blocked me now, I guess he got tired of me saying hello. He’s a 30-something doctor at NY Presbyterian, family medicine I think. Dick.

friendly and educated, No models, No flamers, No pimp daddys.

Sane and sorted

(Are people looking for insane and unsorted people then?)

I’m the incorrect use of “dominate.” I should be dominant but I wasn’t too dominant in school.

I’m “please come correct.”

No, I don’t know what this means either. A parTy reference, maybe? or douching? or, a prostitution term?

R480 their app personality is an alter ego ,not related to their real selves. They cant merge the two personas

oh those silly, ignorant "straight" men:

I am a 62 year-old MWM who loves sex. Into kissing, sucking, rimming, lots of cum, fucking and getting fucked. HIV neg 05/2020 and intend to stay that way. I am totally open to trying anything sexual including bondage, leather, estim, fisting, WS, and other kink. Willing to come to your place or meet at a public place. Only rarely can host.

I love the feel of a hard cock deep inside me

R481 I’m actually an excellent writer! People even ask me to proofread their shit... this is what happens when I post before 7am (though the semicolon was correct)...

R487 I don’t know him at all!

R489, all in good fun. I promise.

[quote] People even ask me to proofread their shit...

Is this some sort of fetish? Is it anything like reading palms like Miss Cleo?

I’m the “stocky” body type designation.

In reality, my owner is a 350 pound lardass, but stocky sounds so much nicer.

R491 you can learn a lot about a guy by analyzing his shit.

I’m the guy that is actually looking for a real date lol

I’m new in town and want you to show me around

I’m this guy:

“If you’re looking for masc4masc, you’re not masc, you’re homophobic.”

This really happened to me - lesson learned. I'm the nice kinda cute but not really your type guy that hits you up everyday for weeks and tells you how sexy you are and really wants to hook up but our schedules never link up. Then when you rearrange things to accommodate him, he has to leave five minutes after you meet cause he's "light headed" from not eating all day. He apologizes and wants to reschedule. Then he blocks you 30 seconds after you part ways.

Dude you weren't all that! Your loss.

are you fat, R497?

R497 There’s a lot of mental illness on Grndr. Trust but verify. Sounds like you dodged a bullet.

R497 you should have sent him this gif with the caption:

“MARY!”

I live a couple houses down from a couple of queens who I see on Grndr but never engage. I don’t think they even know I’m on there.

I’ve said good morning on occasion and they act all put out. Then I heard the straight guy across the street was mowing the lawn without his shirt one day and these two were practically tripping over themselves to say hello and bring him fresh squeezed lemonade. He thought they were ridiculous.

Anyway, that’s why I don’t take Grndr behavior personally. A lot of gay dudes are shallow and very transactional when it comes to the people they engage, who they talk to, respect or treat with any regard.

I’m the missing relationship stats. I belong to a partnered or married guy, who leaves it off in hopes to bag as much new dick as possible.

R501 doesn’t know how to do a let’s be thread.

I'm the term "host". I don't actually exist.

I'm a 6'2" 235-pound bigorexic, narcissistic bear. I exist in the self-congratulatory cult of Scruff, and will settle for nothing less than a hulking brute who looks exactly like me, and can throw me around like a rag doll. Everyone else will be summarily dismissed as inadequate.

I’m the ethnicity filter, I have disappeared.

Black men who are looking for other black men, in order to strengthen gay bonds in your community, and avoid predatory white men who treat you like fetish objects? Sorry!

I’m “Face”.

A one word response or opening line delivered from a profile without one showing.

[quote] I’m the “stocky” body type designation.

Not to be confused with a football player build

[quote] Serious question: Is there a hook up app for lesbians?

Why bother with a hook up when you can go directly to uhaul? There will be plenty of time for some of that sweet 'lovin on a moving blanket once the truck is unloaded.

I'm discrete

[quote]I’m the ethnicity filter, I have disappeared.

I'm the non-white guys who only go for white guys who are kicking themselves in the ass for complaining in the first place.

[511] Lol! The idiots that were complaining have never worked in a corporate environment. You learn to not complain, because you know the solution they’ll implement will be worse.

I am the lecture about a woof not being a marriage proposal and if I send you a message that says Hi you are obligated to respond. What ever happened to manners?

I'm a masc guy only into other masc guys. I'm into things like being outdoors, my truck, my dog, beer, whiskey, hunting, camping, and fishing. I will never understand that my gender identity is entirely made up from things I saw in beer commercials. If I wanted to date a girl I would. Just act like a normal regular guy who does guy things and we'll get along fine.

WHATS WITH THE BLOCK CAPITALS FROM THE MUSCLE MARYS?

*woofs at r514*

LOL, R510, I actually had a guy once who argued with me after I corrected him on it. It actually started by him trying to correct me spelling it as discreet. When I pointed out he was actually incorrect, he went on some tirade. I just said not interested in anyone who doesn't know how to use a dictionary before supporting an incorrect position.

I'm also the "muscular" and "athletic" guys who show up and are 30+ pounds overweight. Fat does not equal muscular. One guy said, "Well, I used to work out." It doesn't count if you stopped and got flabby.

I'm a musclebear in training. Only 125 lbs to go!

I'm the slightly nerdy guy who enjoys the "regular stuff" like Netflix and chill, cuddling, bowling, leather, BDSM, the gun range, survivalism, and bloodletting. Let's vibe!

I'm the expiring picture feature no one knows about.

I've had the same photo for 9 years because my beauty is timeless!