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Let's be a hookup app profile

I'm the disclaimer that I am just here for friends and fun as I'm already engaged to my best friend and the love of my life. I can't host.

by Anonymousreply 40713 hours ago

I'm the white headless torso with the screen name BLACK LIVES MATTER.

by Anonymousreply 107/12/2020

^^^ But you posted an ass pic instead of your face, and you have three dick pics in your profile.

by Anonymousreply 207/12/2020

I'm the guy whose only photos are awkward selfies.

by Anonymousreply 307/12/2020

I'm an ISFJ but it doesn't matter.

by Anonymousreply 407/12/2020

I’m the random, usually low quality, photo of something like a forest or a mountain in place of a photo.

Beware. I am worse than a blank profile pic.

by Anonymousreply 507/12/2020

I'm 57 and post my real pics.

by Anonymousreply 607/12/2020

I'm deleting this app soon, don't don't worry, soon is 2032.

by Anonymousreply 707/12/2020

i'm the fag hag who didn't approve of her night club selfie being used to get her gay bestie laid

by Anonymousreply 807/12/2020

I'm the admission that I don't bite (unless you are into that lol).

by Anonymousreply 907/13/2020

Bump

by Anonymousreply 1007/14/2020

I'm the five years shaved off my actual age.

by Anonymousreply 1107/14/2020

hilarious thread as I am having just a dreadful time on theses apps after a 15 year absence(lots has changed)

by Anonymousreply 1207/14/2020

I'm the local guy with the same profile you've been seeing since 2003 on Gay.com. It's 2020 and it's now my Grindr pic.

by Anonymousreply 1307/14/2020

And I, r11, am the 20 pounds shaved.

by Anonymousreply 1407/14/2020

I’m the picture of a thong bulge with that title, NO HOOKUPS!

by Anonymousreply 1507/14/2020

I state I am “easy going” and “down to earth”, and then proceed to list a hundred things and types of people I am NOT into so don’t even ask!!!!

by Anonymousreply 1607/14/2020

I am a massage student giving free massages for my internship hours/practice and I just need you to make a “donation” for the massage oil

by Anonymousreply 1707/14/2020

I am Accra, Ghana. I have invaded A4A

by Anonymousreply 1807/14/2020

I’m just here to make friends but WILL NOT RESPOND to profiles without a photo!

by Anonymousreply 1907/14/2020

I’m the race/ethnicity filters that can’t be used any more. I’m lonely.

by Anonymousreply 2007/14/2020

My profile pic is me holding up the peace sign, but "not into Whites, Blacks, Mexicans, Asians, or Spaniards. we all have our own preferences!"

by Anonymousreply 2107/14/2020

I'm 5700 miles. That's the distance between

by Anonymousreply 2207/14/2020

I want to know why it’s so hard to just meet a nice guy (translation: a hot guy who’s way out my league that puts up with all my drama)

by Anonymousreply 2307/14/2020

I’m the guy with no pictures in my profile. The profile itself has limited information. But I start by demanding you send me additional pics.

by Anonymousreply 2407/14/2020

I'm the angry screed about all the shallow, hateful fags what done me wrong before!!! Paired with a glaring selfie that looks like a mug shot.

by Anonymousreply 2507/14/2020

I'm happily married, partnered and on PREP

by Anonymousreply 2607/14/2020

I’m the same 5 “odd ducks” in your area who are always on 24/7 “looking”

by Anonymousreply 2707/14/2020

I’m the guy dressed like a street hooker from Blade Runner talking about how “they” don’t identify as a man or a woman because labels are for clothing.

by Anonymousreply 2807/14/2020

I'm the one good picture you took 10 years ago at a friend's wedding with all the others in the photo cropped out profile pic.

by Anonymousreply 2907/14/2020

I’m the torso profile pic with the line “no face pic, no chat.”

I’m everywhere.

by Anonymousreply 3007/14/2020

I'm the TOP ONLY showing only my ass.

by Anonymousreply 3107/14/2020

Maybe you’re looking for a “top only,” r31?

by Anonymousreply 3207/14/2020

I'm on PREP. Code for bareback slut

by Anonymousreply 3307/14/2020

I’m “versatile,” which means I’m actually a bottom. I’m the reason the whole schema is messed up.

Bottom= trans man

Versatile bottom= total bottom

Versatile= bottom

Top= versatile bottom

Total top= versatile top

Bisexual= gay, but a total top

by Anonymousreply 3407/14/2020

I’m the complete lack of distance. I’m so scared to show you how close we are that I could be 5 feet or 5 miles.

Tee hee.

by Anonymousreply 3507/14/2020

I’m the profile photo with two or three guys in it. Guess which one is me!

by Anonymousreply 3607/14/2020

I’m the woman in the photo with black squiggly lines all over her face. Don’t tell me.

by Anonymousreply 3707/14/2020

I’m the 68-year-old white man wearing sexy lady panties! You likely???

by Anonymousreply 3807/14/2020

I'm the profile with only a series of face shots. That's because the bottom half of me cannot be captured in one frame.

by Anonymousreply 3907/14/2020

I'm the line you should move to the front of if you meet my exacting criteria for companionship.

by Anonymousreply 4007/14/2020

I’m all the requirements you had BETTER meet before you even say hello!! And don’t you DARE assume I’m here to just “jump in the sack”. How about a date first and “take it from there”? But you’d better be a top! And I can host on week nights only!

by Anonymousreply 4107/14/2020

I’m the innocent dogs and cats ending up on this sketchy website/sex app. Our owner uses us for right face shots and to cancels his lower body.

by Anonymousreply 4207/14/2020

I'm looking for a reason to finally delete this app! I've been on here for at least ten years which should set alarm bells ringing and red flags waving all over the place.

by Anonymousreply 4307/14/2020

I'm the forewarning that your message will be deleted if you start by saying Hi, Hello or What's Up?

I WILL NOT BE ADDRESSED IN SUCH A CASUAL MANNER!!!!

by Anonymousreply 4407/14/2020

I do not respond to “winks’ or “likes”

by Anonymousreply 4507/14/2020

I'm the thanks in advance for the woofs. I'm nothing without my fans.

by Anonymousreply 4607/14/2020

I’m NO PIC NO CHAT! DON’T WASTE OUR TIME!

by Anonymousreply 4707/14/2020

I'm the link to the private Instagram account.

by Anonymousreply 4807/14/2020

I haven't looked at them in over a decade. I guess nothing's changed: same old liars.

by Anonymousreply 4907/14/2020

I’m the ex who’s been cropped out of the photo.

by Anonymousreply 5007/14/2020

I'm the oddly capitalized Ts and references to clouds. I'm here to tell the world that I am a drug addled skeleton trying to fill the void in my heart with flaccid dicks and the smell of cat piss.

by Anonymousreply 5107/14/2020

I'm the dirty bathroom mirror with an equally dirty and cluttered counter top commonly seen in the selfie used for main profile pics.

by Anonymousreply 5207/14/2020

I’m one of two profiles for each member of a bear couple. I show that I’m happily married to the absolute love of my life and that I’m JUST HERE FOR FRIENDS... I’m always up for meeting new people and having... “new adventures”. *wink* I pretty much mimic my partner profile. Lots of photos of our wedding and of us embracing one another in pools and hot tubs and with our three dogs and two cats. We’re ONLY here to keep up with our friends... who apparently don’t text, call, email or visit, which requires us to each have profiles on a gay hookup app. We just love cooking, being “two regular, normal guys”, traveling around our state to see and take part in anything that has the word “bear” associated with it... We like hanging out at home, being “average masculine guys”....and taking naughty pics of one another that we happen to keep here, locked.. (“pssst, this is ONLY for you! NObody has ever seen these so please don’t share. We NEVER do this kind of thing!”) ... Say hello and, guys who unlock their pics to the front of the line! But please don’t expect us to hookup! We’re only here to talk to friends. And make new ones! Did I mention the smaller of us is a bottom and the bigger one likes to eat ass while the smaller one gets fucked? ....and that we’re ONLY here to meet new friends?!

by Anonymousreply 5307/14/2020

The ugliest one of course, R36!

by Anonymousreply 5407/14/2020

i'm the link to twitter where you can find my onlyfans.

by Anonymousreply 5507/14/2020

All of my photos are shirtless pics from the gym locker room. This is to show you that I'm in great shape, have no life, and think that going to the gym is a personality trait.

by Anonymousreply 5607/14/2020

I'm the list of upcoming travel to cities around the globe. In no way does it mean that I'm an escort whose schedule follows the party circuit, though the dates may match.

by Anonymousreply 5707/14/2020

I'm the TAP = BLOCK!! warning. Ignore me at your peril.

by Anonymousreply 5807/14/2020

I am the 40 year old who had "boi" in my handle and says "no one over 30" in my add.

by Anonymousreply 5907/14/2020

[quote]I’m the complete lack of distance. I’m so scared to show you how close we are that I could be 5 feet or 5 miles.

Judging from the distance, I'm in the next room and am your husband.

by Anonymousreply 6007/14/2020

My status is It's Complicated which means I'm in an open relationship but my partner doesn't know yet because it's too complicated to explain.

by Anonymousreply 6107/14/2020

I’m the transwoman who thinks posting a pic of her cleavage is going to get her anywhere on an app that’s 99% gay guys.

by Anonymousreply 6207/14/2020

Keep it up. These apps deserve the brutal mockery they receive here!

by Anonymousreply 6307/14/2020

I'm just here to make friends! Hiya! I will block you in seconds if you don't suggest we hook up immediately.

by Anonymousreply 6407/14/2020

Why are all the guys who are into me 5000 miles away?? 😂😂🤷‍♂️💁

by Anonymousreply 6507/14/2020

I’m the cast of onslaught of trans and genderqueers that look make the dating app look like a virtual casting call for extras for a new Mad Max film.

by Anonymousreply 6607/14/2020

Musclebear in training looking for gym buddies or workout partners. Need to get back into a routine. Anyone else go to Planet Fitness?

by Anonymousreply 6707/14/2020

I’m the onslaught of trans and genderqueers that look make the dating app look like a virtual casting call for extras for a new Mad Max film.

by Anonymousreply 6807/14/2020

Classic

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 6907/14/2020

Im the sad and lonely losers that sit on these aps night after night… Year after year. If you try to engage with me I’ll block you. My whole life exists to hook up have sex do drugs and basically try to feed my extremely low self-esteem. I don’t know how to talk to people or exist in the real world because I’m a complete and total fucking loser.

by Anonymousreply 7007/14/2020

I’m the person who went on a dating app 10 years ago and became so disheartened, I literally never went on another dating app since.

by Anonymousreply 7107/14/2020

I am a self-described “oral expert” ready for no recip service. Please don’t step on my dentures after you come.

by Anonymousreply 7207/14/2020

So much bitterness in this threD.

by Anonymousreply 7307/14/2020

I’m the blank profile DMing you incessantly with an onslaught of super close-up ass shots and videos of me being fucked by disgusting fat old guys with tiny dicks.

by Anonymousreply 7407/14/2020
Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 7507/14/2020

R75 99% of the time that person will be Latino

by Anonymousreply 7607/14/2020

I'm the impossibly, too-good-to-be-true, good looking, masculine Tops who are "Looking for trans only....NO MEN!!!!" who have invaded an app DESIGNED FOR MAN ON MAN SEX!!!

by Anonymousreply 7707/14/2020

I'm the request for pics in addition to the 10 in your profile and the 200 on your IG. I want to see every photo ever taken of you before I decide to not meet up.

by Anonymousreply 7807/14/2020

I'm white, muscular, dark-haired and bearded. Regardless of what I put in my profile, I only have sex with men who look exactly like me.

by Anonymousreply 7907/14/2020

I’m the unique closeup of a butthole that wins me over. So romantic. I feel like I already know you.

by Anonymousreply 8007/14/2020

I'm the daily "Good morning, handsome!" from your favorite stalker

by Anonymousreply 8107/14/2020

I'm the profile with a twink that proclaim "Looking for fun now!" I hit up every decent looking twink inviting them to join me and friends a local hotel for group fun. It will be taped but you won't know it!

by Anonymousreply 8207/14/2020

I'm the guy who when I asked for a pic, he responded with a pic of him with the most well known local news female anchor.

When I asked if they were friends, he said no.

by Anonymousreply 8307/14/2020

I’m the profile pic that’s been cropped to show only my smiling eyes, as they’re my subject’s only attractive feature.

I will later be noticed by the subject’s ex-boyfriend, who took the picture on a trip for which he paid.

by Anonymousreply 8407/14/2020

We're herpes and HPV. We've been inside everyone on this app. It's cool.

by Anonymousreply 8507/14/2020

Im the gay guy that lives next door. I have a very full life, partner, friends and a career .. I like .. well most of time. You will never see me on the apps.. and that pisses you off. We’re not all whores with low self esteem.. and yes we see you hanging by your car every night waiting for your next trick. Pathetic!

by Anonymousreply 8607/14/2020

I got lucky via Tinder lately. So I won’t bad mouth them.

by Anonymousreply 8707/14/2020

I’m the guy who sits on here 24/7, 7 days a week. I am ALWAYS online. No knee ever actually met me. I just log on and sit, Letting the winks, flirts, and compliments pile up. I will never respond and never actually hook up with anybody. I’m pretty much not even a real person.

by Anonymousreply 8807/14/2020

R86 Spoken like a person who is well adjusted and truly content with their life.

by Anonymousreply 8907/14/2020

I’m a 56 yo youthful looking man that looks under 39. I’m not into old men, so no one over 35, please.

by Anonymousreply 9007/14/2020

I'm the email reminder of what I have been missing since I last logged on. Wow! 10 horndogs have viewed my profile! I better log on and check! Oh... Those were suggested views. They didn't actually check me out.

by Anonymousreply 9107/14/2020

I’m the 174 ass pictures sent from every Latino across SOCAL. If you don’t get all your messages tonight don’t worry they'll be 271 ass pics tomorrow mang.

by Anonymousreply 9207/14/2020

I'm the spam folder for your email account. I'm loaded to the tits with emails about how many times you've shown up on searches even though you haven't logged on in six months.

by Anonymousreply 9307/14/2020

I’m the enormous amount of pathological liars sitting and waiting for you to log on.

by Anonymousreply 9407/14/2020

I posted a personal ad recently on Doublelist in the men-seeking-men dating category. I hadn't posted one in years and was curious what would happen.

I got about 8 replies and they were all cut-'n-paste sex invites (39, 6", cut, versatile, etc.). No one reads the ad- they just answer every ad and hope they get laid.

Sex ads are the purest form of what men are: just get off and get out.

by Anonymousreply 9507/14/2020

I’m “Scout”, the 20-something y.o. lesbian masquerading as a man. I say I’m a “trans man” but I’ve never had surgery or even take hormones. I’m jist here waiting, hoping...praying somebody will tell me this is a site for gay MEN when I will explode like a self righteous bomb! I do it for all trans men everywhere! We WILL have our rights to gay men’s hookup sites!!!

by Anonymousreply 9607/15/2020

I’m no fats, no fems.

by Anonymousreply 9707/15/2020

I’m also “looking for friends only!” but you’d better send pics. I’m only looking for good looking friends.

by Anonymousreply 9807/15/2020

Straight bro for straight bros only. No gays.

by Anonymousreply 9907/15/2020

I'm the disclaimer "Allergic to drama," but I only mean *your* drama.

by Anonymousreply 10007/15/2020

I'm 5'11" 260lbs but wear it well.

by Anonymousreply 10107/15/2020

My profile tells you how I’m so sick of how shallow gay men are, but my photos and descriptions of myself and what I’m looking for indicate I’m just as shallow, if not more so.

by Anonymousreply 10207/15/2020

I'm the obtuse and mythical "guy next door". I haven't existed since the 1960's in "My Three Sons"

by Anonymousreply 10307/15/2020

I’m the requirement to “Have a face”.

by Anonymousreply 10407/15/2020

I’m the requirement to “Have a face”.

by Anonymousreply 10507/15/2020

I'm the crooked, closed-mouth "smirk" used to hide saggy cheeks and thin lips. I can make a 2 look like a possible 7 in one simple face expression. Despite different clothes, locations and times... all my photos have this *exact* same facial expression. Like it's frozen that way.

by Anonymousreply 10607/15/2020

I'm the hiking picture taken the only time I went hiking. I HATED it but the pic makes me look so butch.

by Anonymousreply 10707/15/2020

I'm getting a new phone or account for whatever reason, signing on new, and suddenly seeing all the people you'd blocked over the years all around you. Look at all these cute guys everywhere! But soon... you slowly walk your memory through why you blocked each and every one, and get really depressed.

by Anonymousreply 10807/15/2020

Maybe he didn’t listen to his mother, r106.

by Anonymousreply 10907/15/2020

I'm the 6'1 "model" who "only dates mature men because I am an old soul"

All of my pics are of me shirtless and holding a beer. My body is perfect, but they all say I have the most dreamy sensitive eyes.

by Anonymousreply 11007/15/2020

I'm the 100-something, overweight, bald, ugly-as-hell, low-I.Q., mean-spirited weirdo who taps, says hello, and tries to chat and hook up with every single person on the app. I literally scroll through the grid one by one and approach everyone. Most block me right away. Any shred of attention makes me target you with a relentless stream of chat and pics. To me it's just a numbers game. Eventually I land on that one young inexperienced kid who doesn't know how to say no and is easily manipulated. I've fucked a lot of cute guys this way, and destroyed a lot of self-worth.

by Anonymousreply 11107/15/2020

Im the obese guy that just wants to cuddle.

by Anonymousreply 11207/15/2020

I’m the total top with a big dick and only shows a pic of my hairless asshole. I’m also discrete and can’t host.

by Anonymousreply 11307/15/2020

I’m the guy who writes ‘I don’t bite – unless you ask LOL’.

I haven’t been laid, ever.

by Anonymousreply 11407/15/2020

I’m the close up of an open mouth. I think I’m supposed to entice you into oral sex, but all I get are recommendations to see a dentist.

by Anonymousreply 11507/15/2020

I'm the guy you dated a couple of times until you found out he had a partner. He wants to know how you are doing?

by Anonymousreply 11607/15/2020

I'm 'Sorry can't host'.

But someday soon my 73 year old wheelchair bound mother, with whom I share a bedroom, will finally die.

by Anonymousreply 11707/15/2020

I'm "Hi!"

I actually mean "Would you like to have anal sex with me?"

by Anonymousreply 11807/15/2020

I'm the statement "I'm open minded"

This could lead to anything from underage sex, bestiality or scat.

Or all 3.

by Anonymousreply 11907/15/2020

I’m the pointless line ‘No timewasters’. No one has ever seen that and thought ‘Oh, I’m a timewaster, I won’t bother then’

by Anonymousreply 12007/15/2020

I’m the refusal to send even one face pic because “I don’t indulge pic collectors”. I seem to be unaware of all the free porn online which is far more appealing than any photo of me.

by Anonymousreply 12107/15/2020

I'm the guy "Just relaxing at home"

I'm actually naked on the sofa, sitting on top of an on oversized dildo and typing with one hand with a bottle of poppers in the other.

by Anonymousreply 12207/15/2020

I'm any of these phrases:

Masc

Dude

'Sup Bro?

I love Lady Gaga

I fucking hate Lady Gaga

No drama

Vers

Top

Bottom

All of which actually mean 'bottom'.

by Anonymousreply 12307/15/2020

Im the 21-year-old who really wants a relationship. I don’t want to have sex with you. I wanna get to know someone on a deeper level. I’m 100% serious. I live in a small town and I have no clue how to meet other gay people. Everyone within a 75 mile radius will try to take advantage of me:

by Anonymousreply 12407/15/2020

I hate that smirk, but usually it’s to appear like they are begrudgingly taking one selfie and and don’t want to appear like they put any real effort into it. Like “ugh I hate taking pictures of myself”. They think it hides the fact that it’s actually selfie number 152 that they finally were happy with.

by Anonymousreply 12507/15/2020

Im the masculine Asian and Latino guys .. ooops they dont exist.

by Anonymousreply 12607/15/2020

Do you think the people who say they can't host are due to the fact they are closeted/paranoid or is it they afraid of possibly letting some psycho into their home? Soooooo many people can never seem to host.

by Anonymousreply 12707/15/2020

I'm the door left ajar at the Hilton by the airport. Let yourself in and wreck my hole.

by Anonymousreply 12807/15/2020

I'm the married guy with no pics, cause you know, married automatically = hot/your type

by Anonymousreply 12907/15/2020

Lolll r107, I totally did that when I used apps.

by Anonymousreply 13007/15/2020

I’m the missing two inches of height of many of the guys who claim to be 5’9 but seem to be closer to 5’7 at most in person.

by Anonymousreply 13107/15/2020

I'm the random fugly girl who wants to be friends with gay guys because I have ruined every girl friendship I have ever had.

Let's start some drama and ruin your crush's life

by Anonymousreply 13207/15/2020

I'm the guy who posts just one blurry profile pic, but demands several clear pics from you. If you don't comply, I'll block you so fast, your head will spin.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 13307/15/2020

[quote] Do you think the people who say they can't host are due to the fact they are closeted/paranoid or is it they afraid of possibly letting some psycho into their home? Soooooo many people can never seem to host.

R127, In my case it was because I lived in a basement apartment with 12 roommates.

by Anonymousreply 13407/15/2020

I’m the mom in the family Christmas pic, posted to show what great marriage material he is, that would be mortified to have the specifics on exactly what my boy does with that mouth.

by Anonymousreply 13507/15/2020

R131 Send all the short guys my way.

by Anonymousreply 13607/15/2020

I'm the attached Instagram full of ass and bulge pics, along with pics of my little nieces and nephews, because I'm a proud guncle.

by Anonymousreply 13707/15/2020

R127 I have “I can never host” written in all of my dating profiles. Every guy who’s ever asked why has felt bad afterwards (R117 actually isn’t all that far off).

R131 I’m 5’3 and get messaged all the time by guys asking “are you really that short?!?!” My answer is always, yes, and it’s really not that uncommon; most guys my height just say they’re 5’5 or 5’6.

by Anonymousreply 13807/15/2020

I find short guys very hot as long as they aren’t really nellie or twink

by Anonymousreply 13907/15/2020

R139 if only more guys thought like you!

by Anonymousreply 14007/15/2020

R140 I second that .. hell yes for short guys

by Anonymousreply 14107/15/2020

I call them “fun size” studs. Yum!

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 14207/15/2020

I'm the pulse of desperation that permeates page after page of profiles.

by Anonymousreply 14307/15/2020

I despite men in R90

by Anonymousreply 14407/15/2020

I'm poz on Tuesday but miraculously neg on Wednesday.

by Anonymousreply 14507/15/2020

I'm the single guy who can't have anyone over because I have straight roommates. Yes, they know I'm gay, but they're not comfortable with my dates coming to our home, much less spending the night. No, their girlfriends sleep here all the time—why do you ask?

by Anonymousreply 14607/15/2020

I’m the sex worker who only has professionally done photos and will eagerly send you my rates.

by Anonymousreply 14707/15/2020

I'm a total top, i post my dick size and x rated pics, but I am ONLY LOOKING FOR FRIENDS

by Anonymousreply 14807/15/2020

I'm the retired Italian American with the well-kept small house in the section of town that was Italian 50 years ago. I always deliver 10 fat rock-hard inches, despite my age. You gave me your ass multiple times 15 years ago when you were 35 and I was "56". You know damned well I'm over 70, despite being "61" and you're going to give me your ass again, you greedy slut.

by Anonymousreply 14907/15/2020

I’m looking for generous friends over 50 only

by Anonymousreply 15007/15/2020

R149 seems very localized and specific.

by Anonymousreply 15107/15/2020

r50 Don't you mean "generou$ friend$?"

by Anonymousreply 15207/15/2020

I’m the guy who reminds everyone its a DATING app not a SEX app—so don’t interpret the headless photo of him in a thong as anything but looking to meet guys for a romantic date. Romance is not dead, guys.

by Anonymousreply 15307/15/2020

I'm the lenthy profile scolding anyone who dares identify as or seek 'masc' for your outdated & toxic values. Imagine how exhausting I am in person!

by Anonymousreply 15407/15/2020

I'm drama. People are so tired of me.

by Anonymousreply 15507/15/2020

The one and only truly honest profile:

Looking for a psychopathic, internally-homophobic and hyper-sexualised control freak, but not set in stone.

Please also be defined by labels, have a large collection of bathroom mirror selfies (with your shirt off of course), be a compulsive liar and write ‘ask me’ or ‘I’ll fill this in later’ as being mysterious, monosyllabic and lazy is really alluring.

I am strictly looking for men completely obsessed with the way they look, hate their jobs and think spending hours at the gym every day is a life well lived. People who adore validation from strangers to the front of the queue! I consider myself hyper-masc. In fact I’m probably straight. I like pussy so much I don’t even know why I’m on here.

I appreciate men who are discreet because discretion is the better part of valour. I also appreciate men who are discrete since I value someone with the emotional maturity to establish and maintain clear boundaries.

Another thing, don’t even think about using “Grrr”, “Hi" or “Hello" or any other bullshit one-word opening line. I want poetry and I don’t mean metaphorically. I want you to sit down and write me a poem. Something original and witty. And not some crappy first draft either. Writing is rewriting. I want rhyming, meter, imagery, theme. It had better be fucking brilliant otherwise I will block you.

Oh and thanks for all the compliments guys. You see I’m so incredibly popular, handsome and sexy, and there are just so many of you who want me that I couldn’t possibly take the time out from constantly looking in the mirror to acknowledge your existence.

by Anonymousreply 15607/16/2020

I'm networking.

by Anonymousreply 15707/16/2020

I'm the guy who asks for your pic first so he can judge and be quick to block you if he doesn't like what he sees. I don't bother sending my pic afterwards.

by Anonymousreply 15807/16/2020

I'm the "pro" photographer! All my profile pics are my models. You clicked on it thinking it was me didn't you?

Anyway, while you're here... I charge $300 for a shoot, sex-trades for a shoot are not out of the question (giggle!), and by the way I look like Jabba the Hut with Richard Simmons' head (and voice).

All my "clients" are too dumb to figure out how to take a flattering photo with an iPhone.

by Anonymousreply 15907/16/2020

I’m the ‘dating’ app for straight people.

by Anonymousreply 16007/16/2020

R114, are you also r9?

by Anonymousreply 16107/16/2020

No crazies

by Anonymousreply 16207/16/2020

Exactly, r162, because it’s been my experience in life that the crazies know they’re crazy.

by Anonymousreply 16307/16/2020

I'm the "last tested negative in February" but I've taken nearly a 100 raw cocks since so who knows.

by Anonymousreply 16407/16/2020

I'm the unusually hot guy who hits you up. When you reply, I will send you a link to some website where you can pay to see more of me. For some reason my profile always lists my height as 2'3"

by Anonymousreply 16507/16/2020

I am the guy who will engage you in conversation for a good hour while I wait for my roommate to leave so I can have you over.

In the interim, we will trade nude photos and I will tell you all the hot things I am going to do to you when my roommate finally leaves.

At some point I will cum from jerking off to your photos/our conversation, at which point I will block you or just stop responding.

by Anonymousreply 16607/16/2020

Given that several people have mentioned it: every time I was in LA and on Grindr, I would get hit up multiple times by random Latino guys who'd send me multiple close ups of their assholes, but nothing else. They invariably lived 30 miles away from my hotel too.

What's the story there? Any theories?

by Anonymousreply 16707/16/2020

I am "bi curious"

That instantly makes me 25% hotter

by Anonymousreply 16807/16/2020

I am "wait, I thought you said your name was Matt?" when you actually do hook up in person.

by Anonymousreply 16907/16/2020

I am 39.

I am the Grindr age of every guy between the ages of 39 and 52.

I am 49

I am the Grindr age of every guy between the ages of 49 and 62

by Anonymousreply 17007/16/2020

R167 It must be a cultural thing. The latinos in LA have done this for years. If I stay anywhere near LAX and open up any hook up app I will get at least 20 to 25 ass pictures within about 15 to 20 minutes. My theory is is they’re desperate… Most likely they live in their parents house or with a wife.

by Anonymousreply 17107/16/2020

Or R164

"Last tested negative in May 2020!"

Really? Do please tell us which testing place was open then.

by Anonymousreply 17207/16/2020

R166 had that happen although dude kept pestering me to come over right away. So I did, and about two miles down the road, I get a text telling me not to come because his housemate came home early. It might have been true, but more than likely he either got off to porn, or got a “better” offer. I was pissed and basically thanked him for wasting my time. He may have been being honest, but apparently this happens a lot, so after that I deleted Grndr and haven’t returned. Too many game players and flakes.

by Anonymousreply 17307/16/2020

R173 I suspect many of them are married (to either a man or a woman), closeted, underage, or nothing like their profile pictures. The app becomes something like a video game for them, where the goal is to get off while online, rather than ever meet someone.

by Anonymousreply 17407/16/2020

award for best marketing of a 69 yr old

"I am a very clean , discreet,bi married white male . Due to medical reasons I only give oral . I can never host but can travel. If interested let's talk a bit ."

by Anonymousreply 17507/16/2020

R90 is the best

by Anonymousreply 17607/16/2020

I am taking PrEP, Treatment as prevention.

by Anonymousreply 17707/16/2020

I am the guy with a lengthy list of complaints and demands in my profile.

Even if I am hot and you are getting desperate, you will avoid me because you correctly imagine that I will be equally demanding in bed and complain about everything from the lighting in the room to the position in which you are fucking my ass.

The more I get rejected, the lengthier my list of complaints gets.

It's a vicious cycle.

by Anonymousreply 17807/16/2020

I'm the Grindr formula tops use to make their 3.5" cock, a 7" cock.

by Anonymousreply 17907/16/2020

R178 heard stories also that these mega profile guys will announce in the middle of things (date/sex), “I’m sorry, but this just isn’t working for me anymore” and abruptly leave. It’s like there’s this tipping point where if the stars aren’t aligned just right they give themselves the right to be a cunt.

Ironically these are are also usually the guys who talk about just wanting to meet “a nice simple guy with a heart of gold”.

by Anonymousreply 18007/16/2020

R180 Id rather be alone than on the apps. Pointless waste of time.

by Anonymousreply 18107/16/2020

I'm the fool that claims to be "discrete".

by Anonymousreply 18207/16/2020

I’m the ultimate ghetto giveaway: “come correct”.

by Anonymousreply 18307/16/2020

I'm 200 dollars. A surprising % of young men will do anything with beat-up late-middle-aged men, to get their hands on me.

by Anonymousreply 18407/16/2020

I'm the description Italian 8" thick top with no profile pic that gets flooded with responses.

by Anonymousreply 18507/16/2020

R18:3.. ha! Also… “What imma go ahead and do is”

by Anonymousreply 18607/16/2020

What does “come correct” mean?

by Anonymousreply 18707/16/2020

Douched

by Anonymousreply 18807/16/2020

I'm the closeted, married local news anchor who only posts photos of himself from the neck down

by Anonymousreply 18907/16/2020

R187, I think it means in the butt without a condom.

by Anonymousreply 19007/16/2020

I'm the "guy next door." If you live next door to a meth lab.

by Anonymousreply 19107/16/2020

No, R190. It means ass clean, and sometimes no BO.

by Anonymousreply 19207/16/2020

I'm a skier who loves the snow. ❄️⛷️ Sorry, Pepsi is not ok.

by Anonymousreply 19307/16/2020

It’s so they can cheat on their partners, r127.

Duh.

by Anonymousreply 19407/16/2020

I'm 29 and 5'11.......which means I'm really 5'9" and 34.

by Anonymousreply 19507/16/2020

I'm the guy who is still using the same picture after 20+ years (it followed me over from A4A). Fortunately, after all this time I'm still 29!

by Anonymousreply 19607/16/2020

I'm a megachurch pastor who preaches against gays. But I'm on grindr 24/7 looking for dick

by Anonymousreply 19707/16/2020

I’m DDF

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 19807/16/2020

R198 omg..That’s genius where did you find that?

by Anonymousreply 19907/16/2020

R199 I’ve had it saved in my arsenal of PSA YoiTube videos for awhile now. :)

by Anonymousreply 20007/16/2020

*YouTube

by Anonymousreply 20107/16/2020

I’m “into?” and these days, I’m considered a perfectly polite alternative to “hello” and “how are you doing?”.

by Anonymousreply 20207/17/2020

R180 - that happened to me once.

The worst one was some guy I exchanged loads of messages with, including plenty of pics. He wanted to come over dressed head to toe in biker gear and do this and do that yadda yadda. He finally showed up about an hour late, I opened to door, he looked at me and said 'Nah' and walked away. I'd like to think this was his 'thing' He got off on humiliating people. Or maybe I'm just fucking hideous.

Actually that's another one that bugs me:

I'm 'What are you going to do me?' I kneed to know all the precise and vivid details. Once I've finished jerking off to your messages I'll cum and block you.

by Anonymousreply 20307/17/2020

I'm the bizarre act of asking someone things, and just taking their answers at face value.

"Are you ____?"

"Yep."

"Oh okay cool."

by Anonymousreply 20407/17/2020

I’m the guy who has every single stat filled out except his HIV status. I will not get messaged because this will cause others to make an assumption.

by Anonymousreply 20507/17/2020

Face.

by Anonymousreply 20607/17/2020

Were the pics you sent the biker current? Did they include face? I am guessing they were and you did. Which sounds like the trick was not really up to delivering what he promised.

I had this kid who wanted to get beat up. I went over there once and it was pretty good. At one point he was trying to get away from me, but that could have been part of the act. Anyway, He hits me up all the time now. I don't want to block because I might want to do it again. But I don't really like the idea of expending all that energy just to get off.

by Anonymousreply 20707/17/2020

I’m “NOT INTO ANAL or KISSING!l and am super paranoid and make you wear a condom for oral sex when you untimely hook up You feel like offering them rubber gloves and a can of Lysol.

by Anonymousreply 20807/17/2020

They were just ahead of their time R208

by Anonymousreply 20907/17/2020

R205 Well the assumption is that you are HIV positive. Why would you purposely leave that out unless you were trying to hide something. I forgot is not an acceptable answer on a detailed profile

by Anonymousreply 21007/17/2020

What’s an “untimely hookup”?

by Anonymousreply 21107/17/2020

R172, I’m not trying to ruin the fun, but I’ve been to my doctor in May, albeit not for an HIV test.

by Anonymousreply 21207/17/2020

[quote] I’m not trying to ruin the fun, but I’ve been to my doctor in May, albeit not for an HIV test.

Was it for a hookup with the doctor? What was his profile like?

by Anonymousreply 21307/17/2020

R210 that’s my point! What’s even crazier is when guys put the date they got tested but not what the results were.

by Anonymousreply 21407/17/2020

I'm the serial killer into bondage. My profile includes a pic of me dressed as Santa Claus so you know I'm a decent guy and 100% won't kill you and pose you after I strangle you.

by Anonymousreply 21507/17/2020

I’m the guy who invites you over to an abandoned house he’s squatting in where he plans to rob you. The house may look empty and dark but I’m just being discreet. Come around the back and enter through the back door.

by Anonymousreply 21607/17/2020

I’m the free bedbugs you take home.

by Anonymousreply 21707/17/2020

I love cuddling and snuggling. Good kissers are a must!

by Anonymousreply 21807/17/2020

I’m.the real estate agent that uses empty houses to hook up in.

by Anonymousreply 21907/17/2020

I'm the murderer

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 22007/17/2020

I’m always looking for you, r219!

by Anonymousreply 22107/18/2020

I'm the closeted married man who "can't host" because Iive with my wife and two kids

by Anonymousreply 22207/18/2020

I am the divorced man who still lives in his home with his ex-wife and kids and I CAN host.

by Anonymousreply 22307/18/2020

I'm "I'll fill this in later"

I'm yet another lie.

by Anonymousreply 22407/20/2020

I'm 'Mmmmm'.

I'm what inarticulate people say to give the illusion that they can maintain a conversation. Or something that's easy to type with one hand. You decide.

by Anonymousreply 22507/20/2020

[quote] I'm the local guy with the same profile you've been seeing since 2003 on Gay.com. It's 2020 and it's now my Grindr pic.

And, like CZJ, I have remained a ravishing 33 for all 17 of those years.

by Anonymousreply 22607/20/2020

R167 it sounds like you got Edwina'd.

by Anonymousreply 22707/20/2020

and speaking of.....

I'm the butch top who calls you before your hookup to chat and excites you with his gruff, deep voice.

As soon as you walk in, I do a 180 and my heels are on the ceiling before the door clicks closed behind you.

by Anonymousreply 22807/20/2020

I'm the guy with no pictures and no intention on sending any who demands you do a whole pornographic photoshoot for me or else get blocked.

by Anonymousreply 22907/20/2020

I'm the long-winded Scruff profile. I mistakenly imagine that I'm so fascinating that people are just dying to read me.

by Anonymousreply 23007/20/2020

I am commas, periods and question marks. Anyone seen me lately?

by Anonymousreply 23107/20/2020

I'm the innocent person who just posted a selfie on Instagram not knowing that some fat, ugly slob is about to screenshot it and use it to catfish nudes out of hot guys.

by Anonymousreply 23207/20/2020

I'm the delusional guy who will block anybody who doesn't look like they just walked out of a Calvin Klein underwear ad. Never mind the fact that I'm no great prize myself. I know what I deserve and refuse to settle! (I'll be spending tonight, and every night, alone.)

by Anonymousreply 23307/20/2020

I'm the multiple provocative photos. I'm here, even though the poster is ONLY looking for friends and is with the love of his life, and not looking to change that at any time.

by Anonymousreply 23407/20/2020

I'm the top who lists all his stats except his dick size. Those bottoms will never figure out I'm not hung if I don't list it!

I'm the following question this same top gets every single time he hits up a bottom: How hung are you?

by Anonymousreply 23507/20/2020

I’m the “married” guy who has a deep tan and bleached tips and claims that my “wife” is “out-of-town”.

Pictures of my “family” on the piano look remarkably similar to the stock photos that came with the picture frame.

by Anonymousreply 23607/20/2020

If you have to ask how big I am then that is a deal breaker/red flag.

I don’t like guys who are so gaping and used up that there is zero friction, even with a huge one.

What’s the point.

by Anonymousreply 23707/20/2020

Needle dick mosquito fucker ^

by Anonymousreply 23807/20/2020

I’m the person who requests a full portfolio, closeups, snapchats, videos and xrays before meeting.

by Anonymousreply 23907/20/2020

I'm the person who requests STD tests for the last 5 years before meeting

by Anonymousreply 24007/20/2020

Anyone hear the echo in here?

by Anonymousreply 24107/20/2020

I’m the person that asks to know, in granular detail, every single thing that is going to happen when we meet.

I’m always like, DO I LOOK LIKE SOME KIND OF ORACLE??? How in the bleep would I know?

by Anonymousreply 24207/20/2020

this thread started well.

by Anonymousreply 24307/20/2020

I'm the Shouts on Growlr. I'm here to show you the most pathetic desperate men in your area. They pay between $5 and $20 for this privilege.

by Anonymousreply 24407/20/2020

I'm the married man who has cut his wife off from the profile picture. "We don't derive pleasure from each other anymore. I am looking for friendship and companionship that could possibly lead to more." (Subtext : No it won't! I would just pump and dump, but if you are foolish enough to swipe right, you deserve it....Also, don't tell my wife!)

by Anonymousreply 24507/20/2020

I'm COVID-19. I'm a convenient excuse to put "No hookups, I'm social distancing" in your profile for when unattractive and/or creepy guys message you. But if a hot guy messages you, all the sudden you aren't so worried about me anymore.

by Anonymousreply 24607/20/2020

I’m the embarrassing visible toilet in the bathroom selfie.

by Anonymousreply 24707/20/2020

I am the turd in that bowl at r247

by Anonymousreply 24807/20/2020

I'm the horny married guy just looking for a blow job. I haven't had sex in 2 years and am doing this in desperation. I can never host, I have a thick eight inches and will not touch you except to hold your head in place while I fuck your mouth. I immediately block you as soon as I walk out the door.

by Anonymousreply 24907/20/2020

I'm the guy described in R249, I'm actually a homely gay guy but I found out if I claim to be straight and married that skanky queens will throw themselves at me for sex. I hardly ever see them more than once though because they aren't the type to date.

by Anonymousreply 25007/20/2020

I'm the bathroom mirror gunk visible in half of your selfies.

by Anonymousreply 25107/20/2020

I’m the “bi curious” guy who takes 5 min to respond between texts and engages a guy in a 30 min conversation with plans to hook up then never shows.

Truth be known, I was chatting with 3 other guys art the same time and regularly jerk off to the idea of hooking in with a guy, but never really intend to. I block all the guys after I come and laugh thinking about the guys I left waiting for a hookup that will never show.

by Anonymousreply 25207/20/2020

I’m the obnoxious Latino that calls everyone Papi

by Anonymousreply 25307/20/2020

I'm the "Thanks for all the woofs!" that lets everyone know that this guy is way too attractive for YOU.

by Anonymousreply 25407/20/2020

I'm another married guy. If I'm married to a woman, I am really paranoid and won't ever show you a face pic, but I'm fine showing you a close up of my hole. I'm "clean" and expect you to be "clean" also. If I am married to a man, I want to make it clear that you mean nothing to me, I'm only on this site because my husband is not satisfying me sexually. Basically, I kind of think of you as the help.

by Anonymousreply 25507/20/2020

I’m the come dump that is clearly on meth that chats you when you randomly log in late at night. He tells you how hot you are/sound and wants to know if you’ll come over. It’s strange he knows so much since you have no photo or personal details posted on your profile. Is he psychic? lol

And they wonder why we end up getting killed and robbed by psychos....

by Anonymousreply 25607/20/2020

I’m the queer SJW who wants straight acting white cock but won’t admit it. Her profile will remind you that BLM, trans lives matter, and she blocks all haters and anyone who uses the word “clean” in regards to their HIV status.

by Anonymousreply 25707/20/2020

pics

by Anonymousreply 25807/21/2020

I’m the 63 year old top (been told I look 40), even though I’m advertising as a top my private album is full of ass and hole pics. When I finally meet up with you my neck, face, and chest will be bright red from ED meds and I will fuck you for 2 minutes, after which I’ll feign exhaustion. I’ll flip over and suggest “something i’ve never tried before!” which is for you to fuck ME. It’s what I actually wanted the whole time teehee!!!

by Anonymousreply 25907/21/2020

I'm the twink who uses Grindr to promote my favorite popstar's new album/single. Stream it on Spotify and I'll send you my nudes. I'll probably send them anyway even if you don't, but it will make me really happy if you do.

by Anonymousreply 26007/21/2020

I’m the surprisingly hot guy who sends you tons of flattering comments, nudes and personal stories for an entire week, along with a lengthy list of all the filthy things I want to do to you, who abruptly starts ghosting you the day before our scheduled hookup and ultimately blocks you for no explainable reason.

by Anonymousreply 26107/21/2020

I'm the internet inches.

by Anonymousreply 26207/21/2020

I’m the guy who’s fully clothed in all his pics to hide the gorilla hair growing out of every single pore.

by Anonymousreply 26307/21/2020

I’m the vaguely Slavic undertones to the otherwise perfect English from the hot blonde soldier stationed oversees who just wants to meet a nice guy. After weeks of chatting our ‘soldier’ will asking you for money.

by Anonymousreply 26407/21/2020

I'm the activist who devotes my entire bio to speaking out against racism, transphobia, fat shaming, etc. If you're an ignorant, closed minded Republican bigot, don't bother messaging me.

by Anonymousreply 26507/21/2020

I'm the profile that is a cover for someone advertising for some kind of political candidate. I'm also the claim that this is a revolutionary idea when really I'm just an excuse not to leave my couch and troll for dick while I'm supposed to be working.

by Anonymousreply 26607/21/2020

No taps

by Anonymousreply 26707/21/2020

"I'm straight but curious".

by Anonymousreply 26807/21/2020

I'm Country Boy! I'm 27, looking for other hot young neg hung jocks or twinks with gym memberships who love & crave sweaty passionate bareback fun with muscle boys like me (18-36).

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 26907/21/2020

I'm the blank profile that bombards you with pictures of my ass and cock right away. Let's not waste time on small talk. No "hey," "what's up?" or "how are you?" I want to get straight to the point.

by Anonymousreply 27007/21/2020

Im the bathroom selfie with a toilet in the background..Im clueless

by Anonymousreply 27107/21/2020

I'm the cute young guy that messages you out of the blue -And when you read his profile he is a counselor at a local community health agency who wants you to get tested for HIV and STIs. I won't actually meet up or ever have sex. With anyone. Ever.

by Anonymousreply 27207/21/2020

I’m the Asian twink. Just TRY to use the ethnicity filter now to make me vanish! haha!!

by Anonymousreply 27307/21/2020

R272 and you are posting from 1998?

by Anonymousreply 27407/21/2020

Im the gay wigga in Atlanta dat wants to chill

by Anonymousreply 27507/21/2020

I'm the freeper at r257 who whines about SJWs. I'm closeted to all my red state friends and my fellow Republicans

by Anonymousreply 27607/21/2020

I’m the “Sup bro?” from the frat boy in a backwards Baseball cap. He looks masculine online but in person he is flaming.

by Anonymousreply 27707/21/2020

I’m ‘Me!’ on New York’s Upper East Side. I’m a nerdy yet sexy young doctor at a local hospital. Catfish me on Scruff and maybe post my nudes here.

by Anonymousreply 27807/21/2020

I'm the serious, squinty selfie that makes my face look like an actual jock's and less like Betty Boop.

by Anonymousreply 27907/21/2020

I’m the unflattering fluorescent light illuminating all of the bathroom selfies.

by Anonymousreply 28007/22/2020

I’m the insanely gorgeous hunk who happens to be visiting your town for one day only and messages you, only it happens to be the one time you’re away.

by Anonymousreply 28107/22/2020

I'm "Just here for one thing. If you can't get together right now, I'll block you. Can't host."

by Anonymousreply 28207/22/2020

Man this thread is filling up fast considering that guys tell me they're not into hookup apps

by Anonymousreply 28307/22/2020

I'm hoooking up as I type this

by Anonymousreply 28407/22/2020

pics?

by Anonymousreply 28507/22/2020

im the older guy who states he will pay for it cause thats the only way he gets laid.

by Anonymousreply 28607/22/2020

I'm a/s/l? I was here before you bitches and I'll be here long after you're gone.

by Anonymousreply 28707/22/2020

I’m generou$

by Anonymousreply 28807/22/2020

I’m your boss who can tell you were on the app all day

by Anonymousreply 28907/22/2020

I’m not fats, no fems, no blood, no scat.

by Anonymousreply 29007/22/2020

R289 and who’ll send you dick pics after getting sloshed at Happy Hour.

by Anonymousreply 29107/22/2020

I'm the fems, fats and Asians who didn't get further than you profile pic to read what you weren't into.

by Anonymousreply 29207/23/2020

R281, he was a hustler...

by Anonymousreply 29307/23/2020

I'm the occasional really great hook-up.

by Anonymousreply 29407/24/2020

R294 I concur. Even with all the cackle-worthy cliches in this thread (which are mostly true); sometimes when the door opens your eyes light up and you jam into each other like magnets. It may be good for just the night or it may be the guy you stick with for years, but if you hadn't opened that sordid app you never would have crossed paths.

by Anonymousreply 29507/24/2020

I'm the watermark Manhunt applied to pictures in 2002. I will be present in all hookup apps for all time.

by Anonymousreply 29607/24/2020

I'm the redundancy in "DDF free"

by Anonymousreply 29707/24/2020

I'm the vers top with a preference for "Asians and Latinos to the front of the line ..... weakness for gingers too".

by Anonymousreply 29807/24/2020

I'm the one good picture you looked halfway decent in which was taken in 2005. All I accomplish is making the person experience sheer disappointment when they see you in person, but you hope they say "I've come this far. I may as well stay."

by Anonymousreply 29907/24/2020

I’m the pseudo legal paragraph warning Sydney University that it may not use my photos, especially the one of my puckered hole, for research purposes.

by Anonymousreply 30007/24/2020

I'm a divorced, proud father who has custody of my kid for the weekend. Don't worry. I'm going to make him go to bed early tonight, but we have to be quiet so we don't wake him up.

by Anonymousreply 30107/24/2020

“Husky” is not a thing.

by Anonymousreply 30207/24/2020

I'm the bestiality that's implied by the "and other stuff" end of "I'm into kissing, sucking, cuddling, fucking, and other stuff."

by Anonymousreply 30307/24/2020

To me “other stuff” implied some fetishes, role play or maybe s&m, never would think it implied beastiality!

by Anonymousreply 30407/24/2020

I'm the local GOP politician who is trying to hide his identity

by Anonymousreply 30507/24/2020

More wild than mild. Talk dirty to me! #puplife

by Anonymousreply 30607/24/2020

I'm the public photos of him and husband in fantastic vacation spots: the Pyramids! Eiffel Tower! the Great Wall!

I'm the photos sent privately of him with two dicks and a dildo up his ass at the same time along with a message asking if my fist can be the fourth member of the party. He's got fresh poppers and all.

by Anonymousreply 30707/24/2020

FFriendly! ✊🤛👊🤜

by Anonymousreply 30807/24/2020

I am the washed-up ex-child actor from a long-canceled sitcom that was never any good to begin with. Coming out of the closet didn’t do a thing to make me any less washed-up, so I am using whatever fading memories of whatever long-lost fame I ever had to lure you into a trap where I can infect you with HIV via unsafe sex.

by Anonymousreply 30907/24/2020

^^How dare you?

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 31007/24/2020

How dare I? You’re the one who is shortening gay men’s lives. How dare you! And what made it worse is that you backed me into a corner where are you forced me to agree with that Bure woman who I also hate.

by Anonymousreply 31107/24/2020

I do what I want. I'm the boss!!

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 31207/24/2020

I'm the profile with no picture which means I'm either a closeted "straight" guy (likely with a wife or girlfriend) or I'm so damn ugly that I know no one would respond to my messages if I showed them what I really look like.

by Anonymousreply 31307/24/2020

I’m a picture of muscle daddy in chaps in front of floor to ceiling shelves of Lladró collectibles.

by Anonymousreply 31407/24/2020

It's 2020. I'm Rip Van Winkle apparently because I'm "looking to get pozzed" please "breed me" with your "toxic seed"

by Anonymousreply 31507/24/2020

R310 and R312 are doing the work of anti-gay bigots for them.

by Anonymousreply 31607/24/2020

I'm the difference between "undetectable" and HIV-free. Some of you don't know the difference.

by Anonymousreply 31707/24/2020

I’m “undetectable = untransmissible” and other shamey slogans to guilt you into taking your life in your hands and fucking me raw.

by Anonymousreply 31807/24/2020

“I’m POZ!”

by Anonymousreply 31907/24/2020

I am the guy "looking for friends" and demands 20 pics then blocks you for not being his type... "friends" eh ?

by Anonymousreply 32007/24/2020

I'm "Thanks for all the compliments. Really appreciate them. Don't take it personally if I can't get back to each one of you."

by Anonymousreply 32107/25/2020

I'm the white twink with #BLM they will ignore any black man that tried to message me to hookup. Not into black men or Asians.

by Anonymousreply 32207/25/2020

I’m the overly confident fuzzy chub who hits up everyone in the hopes of a nibble.

by Anonymousreply 32307/25/2020

I’m the cutesy emoticons such as:

[no symbol] pic, no [eggplant symbol]

by Anonymousreply 32407/25/2020

I’m the guy who wants to have a beer first and get to know you better before we have sex. I’m frau-adjacent.

by Anonymousreply 32507/25/2020

I’m the guy that wants a relationship. I seriously don’t know what the hell I’m doing here. I live in a small town and there’s nowhere else to meet gays.

by Anonymousreply 32607/25/2020

I’m COVID-19, I’ll kill off whoever my sister HIV couldn’t!

by Anonymousreply 32707/25/2020

I’m offended that you ask me about sex before you ask me out on a romantic date. What about my half naked headless body shot are you misunderstanding?

by Anonymousreply 32807/25/2020

I’m He/Him

by Anonymousreply 32907/25/2020

I need to be wooed on a date before we hit it off. I need to know you really want me and that I’m not a random choice.

by Anonymousreply 33007/25/2020

I'm LOL. I usually come right after "I'm horny." Because being horny is apparently laugh-out-loud hilarious.

by Anonymousreply 33107/25/2020

I’m the couple with multiple photos posted who always seems to be “just one of us tonight” whenever they chat

by Anonymousreply 33207/25/2020

I’m a sassy black T with a photo filter of a bunny nose. I get no action.

by Anonymousreply 33307/25/2020

Why are so many couples looking for friends on dating apps—and so adamant they aren’t looking for hookups? If you are in a relationship, you should have twice as many friends to choose from.

by Anonymousreply 33407/25/2020

I’m looking for my “dom top “ but based on the intricate qualifications described in my profile, it’s clear I’m a VERY bossy bottom, and my dom wouldn’t be in charge of anything

by Anonymousreply 33507/25/2020

I'm just here passing time because I already have a partner and he's so much better than you, but you should still know I'm on PREP and am into kink.

by Anonymousreply 33607/25/2020

I'm here To meeT GreaT playmaTes

by Anonymousreply 33707/25/2020

I’m here looking for friends in The clouds ☁️

by Anonymousreply 33807/25/2020

I'm your ex boyfriend or ex fuck buddy. We ended on bad terms but I still want to talk with you, maybe "meet up for drinks". You'll ignore me, as you rightfully should.

by Anonymousreply 33907/25/2020

“ALPHA Dom looking for other tops to tagteam my beta bottom bitch bf.”

As always, there is only one top.

by Anonymousreply 34007/25/2020

We are all the fats, fems, and Asians you turned down. Eventually, we will be turning down your mattresses in hospital beds. Don’t forget, some of us are nurses.

by Anonymousreply 34107/25/2020

I'm someone's fluctuating age. I'm not listed in the profile but when you ask about me you'll get different answers every time. A few weeks ago I was 42. This week I'm 49!

This actually happened to me last week.

by Anonymousreply 34207/26/2020

R342 I’m the guy whose age and pics haven’t changed in the nine years you’ve seen me on the apps.

by Anonymousreply 34307/26/2020

I’m the ‘clean’ HIV status (one year out of date)

by Anonymousreply 34407/26/2020

I'm all the 29-year-old guys. We're really 37.

by Anonymousreply 34507/26/2020

I'm the 16-year-old boy who is lying about being 18. If you hook up with me, you're going to jail!

by Anonymousreply 34607/26/2020

I’m the nice looking older guy with a good body who hits you up. You were going to meet me until I sent you a dick pic showing a giant rat’s nest of pubes, hairy shaft and three inch wiry ball hairs.

by Anonymousreply 34707/26/2020

[QUOTE] three inch wiry ball hairs.

ageism!

by Anonymousreply 34807/26/2020

R347 plus old men stink .. gross.

by Anonymousreply 34907/26/2020

[quote] I’m the nice looking older guy with a good body who hits you up. You were going to meet me until I sent you a dick pic showing a giant rat’s nest of pubes, hairy shaft and three inch wiry ball hairs.

Better to be forewarned than have that sprung on you like snakes in a can when you pull someone's underwear down.

by Anonymousreply 35007/26/2020

Thanks to this app, I've met the love of my life lol! So I'm just here now to keep up with friends. Not looking!!!!!

by Anonymousreply 35107/27/2020

I'm in an open relationship. Only my boyfriend doesn't know it!

by Anonymousreply 35207/27/2020

I'm a sergeant in the US army.

I'm not out yet but I'm hoping to meet someone special.

I'm kinda lonely over here in Afghanistan.

by Anonymousreply 35307/27/2020

I’m the guy using an obvious stock photo as my profile pic.

by Anonymousreply 35407/27/2020

btw no word of a lie, a guy sent me a full-length pic of himself (fully clothed) standing next to a naked woman. I think she was a stripper, looked like they were in some sort of club.

He turned out to be a farm boy. It was the weirdest thing

by Anonymousreply 35507/27/2020

There is no reason for you not to have a profile pic, it is 2019 and you have a camera in your hand!!

by Anonymousreply 35607/27/2020

well, that IS true, R356

by Anonymousreply 35707/27/2020

It’s 2020, R356 and R357. We’re already more than halfway through 2020, actually, believe it or not...

by Anonymousreply 35807/27/2020

OMG I've encountered every one of these guys on the apps. Now I'm paranoid about my own profiles LOL. Help me! What profile really gets results?

by Anonymousreply 35907/27/2020

I’ve noticed the rats nest thing with older guys. Why don’t they groom? I’m not talking hedge animals—-just trim it up a bit.

by Anonymousreply 36007/27/2020

R357/R358 - that was the joke. Criticizing other people's profiles while yours is outdated.

by Anonymousreply 36107/27/2020

I got it, nonetheless there is no excuse anymore to say you don’t have a picture

by Anonymousreply 36207/27/2020

Anyone without a pic is either:

1.Fat or Fug

2.Completely misrepresenting himself (e.g. 20 years older than he's claiming to be)

3.Major closet case - possibly some megachurch guy or a fundie politician

by Anonymousreply 36307/27/2020

R360 I don’t know but it makes me fucking wanna vomit. Trim your shit. I can’t even see your dick in that fucking bush.

by Anonymousreply 36407/27/2020

I’m the hot leather daddy from Canada who turns out to be a great time and we spend all day in bed together.

by Anonymousreply 36507/27/2020

I'm your cat.

Please stop having all these guys over, and just pet me.

by Anonymousreply 36607/27/2020

I'm the old gay man in a monogamous relationship for 39 years. This all sounds dreadful.

by Anonymousreply 36707/28/2020

I’m the partner talked into a threesome by his partner. I don’t want to do it but I don’t want him cheating behind my back.

I’m the third guy wondering why one of these guys is giving me major attitude during sex. Now he just left in a huff and locked himself in the bathroom.

by Anonymousreply 36807/28/2020

Hi! I’m the guy who came over when you posted that “I’ll be blindfolded and waiting on all fours” post.

You don’t remember me, and couldn’t identify me anyway but I sure enjoyed fucking you. It’s fun now when I see you around. Am I your neighbor? Your boss? A co-worker? Your lawn guy? I’m not telling but hope you post another invitation like that!

by Anonymousreply 36907/28/2020
Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 37007/28/2020

I'm the guy who messages you every time I see you're on. We've chatted before and you weren't interested. Now you ignore me every time I say, "Hi". How soon until you block me?

by Anonymousreply 37107/28/2020

I’m bi curious but only enough to pretend I’d actually hook up. Ultimately I’ll disconnect after I get off to bi porn and block you. I’ll be on tomorrow night and do the same thing.

by Anonymousreply 37207/28/2020

I'm so sick of the fugs with blank profiles sending me one unsolicited face pic. Like I' supposed to say wow! get over here! I'm open to all types of guys but at least start a conversation. Some of the hottest guys I've ever met started with a blank profile.

by Anonymousreply 37307/28/2020

i told one guy i was going thru a divoice. He asked guy or girl ? When i said guy , he blocked me. I guess he considered that "too gay"

by Anonymousreply 37407/28/2020

R374 I have a feeling that fits on the “married dick is hot dick” thread. They love the idea of providing something the wife isn’t.

by Anonymousreply 37507/28/2020

Yeah, because if a guy has sex with men on the side, it's his wife's fault

by Anonymousreply 37607/28/2020

[quote] i told one guy i was going thru a divoice. He asked guy or girl ? When i said guy , he blocked me. I guess he considered that "too gay"

He probably didn’t know what a divoice was.

Either that or you messaged him using the same grammar skills you’re showing here.

by Anonymousreply 377Last Wednesday at 5:52 AM

R377 Change your depends Ron .. or is it Don or Phil..or some other elder gay name.

by Anonymousreply 378Last Wednesday at 7:23 AM

I'll be "If I'm on here, I'm bored and horny." Apparently being bored is a huge aphrodisiac for gay men.

by Anonymousreply 379Last Wednesday at 10:58 AM

I'm health status "I don't know"

by Anonymousreply 380Last Wednesday at 10:45 PM

I’m “Happily partnered”.

No you aren’t, otherwise you wouldn’t be here looking for “friends”.

by Anonymousreply 381Last Wednesday at 11:11 PM

You can't expect me to pick friends who don't have 8-packs.

by Anonymousreply 382Last Thursday at 4:17 AM

I'm the alpha dog in the open relationship. I lay down the guidelines. Take it or leave it

by Anonymousreply 383Last Thursday at 5:40 AM

I’m the guy who is just looking for a nice guy. Unfortunately none of the trolls that lurk the site 24/7 are “nice” enough.

by Anonymousreply 384Last Thursday at 8:53 AM

I'm the guy who is ready to meet in person after weeks of chat but still no first name or face pic.

by Anonymousreply 385Last Thursday at 6:43 PM

that's most of them r385. Why would they add a face pic to their profile after meeting you?

by Anonymousreply 386Last Friday at 5:08 AM

This thread was funny

by Anonymousreply 387Last Friday at 5:19 AM

ummm, doesn't need to add to profile just but I'd like to know what you look like when I open the door. Your 1st name would be good especially when i offered up mine 1 week in. What am i missing?

by Anonymousreply 388Last Friday at 5:19 AM

The hot fun of anonymous sex, R388

by Anonymousreply 389Last Friday at 6:03 AM

And the chatting for “weeks”? FOH with that. Weeks?

by Anonymousreply 390Last Friday at 6:19 AM

so I'm learning its just anonymous, spontaneous hookups, or nothing at all. And most folks cant host

PASS!

by Anonymousreply 391Last Friday at 6:38 AM

Welcome to Grindr and Scruff, r391!

by Anonymousreply 392Last Friday at 6:42 AM

I’m the shame and despair.

by Anonymousreply 393Last Friday at 10:27 AM

I'm the married guy just wanting to suck cock. I will roll over and throw my legs in the air because that's what I really want.

by Anonymousreply 394Last Friday at 1:19 PM

I'm the disappointed DLer that ended up with R394 who ran out the front door as soon as I lifted my caftan and presented hole.

by Anonymousreply 395Last Friday at 3:20 PM

I'm the naive, hot, shy, 19 year old kid who just wants to find someone special. I have not been disillusioned yet.

by Anonymousreply 396Last Friday at 4:02 PM

I'm Kevin Bacon, the guy killed by a grindr trick

by Anonymousreply 397Last Friday at 5:18 PM

I'm 35 and into older guys , which is stated on my profile. A 19yo kid messaged me and begged me to "shit" on him. He was a cute kid too. How does one get into such an extreme fetish at 19? I really wanted to ask "who hurt you?" I remember being his age and lusting after guys my age so I'm not going to hold that against him. But I just ignored him instead. It's going to be akward if I run into him in public.

by Anonymousreply 398Last Friday at 7:23 PM

I’m this stupid crooked smile in a selfie

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 399Last Friday at 7:46 PM

I'm 'Undetectable'. You can TOTALLY trust me!

by Anonymousreply 400Yesterday at 4:57 AM

I’m “what part of undetectable = UNTRANSMITTABLE do you not understand???”

You WILL fuck my poz ass raw whether you like it or not and you’re an uneducated bigot if you don’t.

I’m also the asymptomatic gonorrhea infection gets doesn’t know he has. Tee hee!!

by Anonymousreply 401Yesterday at 5:03 AM

I’m the expiring close up dick pic. No one knows why I exist.

by Anonymousreply 402Yesterday at 5:16 AM

I’m the shaved pubes stubble

by Anonymousreply 403Yesterday at 5:34 AM

I like you, r403. Let’s meet and play

by Anonymousreply 404Yesterday at 6:19 AM

I'm the screenshot a troublemaker just took of somebody's Grindr profile to get him in trouble for cheating and/or to out him as gay to his family and friends. That's what you get for turning me down.

by Anonymousreply 405Yesterday at 6:57 AM

I’m the fake profile photo and the request for your phone number so we can chat directly because I need to be discreet

by Anonymousreply 406Yesterday at 11:04 AM

I'm "On PReP/Preexposure"... Which means I'm HIV-pos, or take extra precaution, or announcing I'm a cum-dump extraordinaire, or all of the above. Either way, I'm a whore, darlin'.

by Anonymousreply 40713 hours ago
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