Now when I complain about getting fat, I can say "I'd lose weight, but my gym is closed. Damn you, Coronavirus"
I was fat to begin with, and never went to the gym.
Hello and thank you for being a DL contributor. We are changing the login scheme for contributors for simpler login and to better support using multiple devices. Please click here to update your account with a username and password.
Hello. Some features on this site require registration. Please click here to register for free.
Hello and thank you for registering. Please complete the process by verifying your email address. If you can't find the email you can resend it here.
Hello. Some features on this site require a subscription. Please click here to get full access and no ads for $1.99 or less per month.
Now when I complain about getting fat, I can say "I'd lose weight, but my gym is closed. Damn you, Coronavirus"
I was fat to begin with, and never went to the gym.
by Anonymous | reply 91 | September 7, 2020 11:06 PM |
When I don't want to see people, I can just say "I'm really just too nervous to get out yet - sorry!"
by Anonymous | reply 1 | July 12, 2020 8:50 PM |
1. I don't have to listen to shitheads shrieking back and forth on speakerphones nearly as much.
2. My friend who always wants to go to the movies can't. So I don't have to worry about it.
3. I don't have to look at all the ugly Michael Kors merch on the bus.
4. I get many groceries delivered.
by Anonymous | reply 2 | July 12, 2020 8:52 PM |
Getting out of jury duty due to a suppressed immune systrem.
by Anonymous | reply 3 | July 12, 2020 8:57 PM |
I can get drunk every night, and don't have to worry about coming in to work with a hangover.
by Anonymous | reply 4 | July 12, 2020 9:01 PM |
I can sleep later because my commute is non-existent. Can wear more casual/comfortable clothes.
by Anonymous | reply 5 | July 12, 2020 9:02 PM |
I can wear shorts every day to work at my desk in my bedroom.
I no longer have to see annoying co-workers except during Zoom meetings. I also no longer have to make annoying small talk with co-workers I can't stand.
If I want to, I can sell my place and move somewhere else and continue to work remotely like I am now.
by Anonymous | reply 6 | July 12, 2020 9:36 PM |
Social distancing is a dream come true!!!
by Anonymous | reply 7 | July 12, 2020 9:55 PM |
It's not not having to commute, its nice to rarely do laundry because I don't wear work clothes. I guess it is nice I spend less money.
Other than that, thanks, I hate it.
by Anonymous | reply 8 | July 12, 2020 9:57 PM |
I don’t have to deal with people.
I paid off my car and visa.
by Anonymous | reply 9 | July 12, 2020 10:30 PM |
Husband and I fuck a lot more. Both 8 to 6 jobs and exhausted when we got home. Now, we’ve explored some kink.
by Anonymous | reply 10 | July 12, 2020 11:19 PM |
I've met someone whom I have an Unrequited love with... wait... that's problematic---SHIT!
by Anonymous | reply 11 | July 13, 2020 12:12 AM |
I only have to interact with co-workers through video meetings. I usually wear a nice shirt and underwear.
During one heated meeting that got too intense for me to excuse myself, I took a piss in a flower vase while nodding my head emphatically on the screen to simulate engagement and to minimize any expression of relief from emptying my very full bladder after drinking an entire pot of tea.
I saw the opportunity and seized it. My dog watched the entire operation and appeared traumatized, however.
I don't get to do that at meetings on site.
by Anonymous | reply 12 | July 13, 2020 1:20 AM |
R12 Best pandemic story I've read in a long time!
by Anonymous | reply 13 | July 13, 2020 1:21 AM |
Its given me time to think. As a multitasker with several projects going at the same time I've often spent less time reflecting than I ought to on the real priorities. The prospect of death, not to be morbid, has also helped.
by Anonymous | reply 14 | July 13, 2020 1:30 AM |
Contributed to the downfall of DJT
by Anonymous | reply 15 | July 13, 2020 1:33 AM |
Schitt’s Creek and Unorthodox
by Anonymous | reply 16 | July 13, 2020 1:36 AM |
Save a lot of money, Work from home, Canceled mandatory conventions (that I did not want to attend), More than enough sleep, Catch-up on TV shows/movies, Home projects, Weight loss.
by Anonymous | reply 17 | July 13, 2020 1:40 AM |
It may be the shock we need to understand that millions of people do not need to commute to a building in a filthy vehicle every day.
by Anonymous | reply 18 | July 13, 2020 1:43 AM |
R10 That's what I like to hear!
by Anonymous | reply 19 | July 13, 2020 1:49 AM |
I gained so much weight on top of my “overweight” frame that I was heading toward “obese” on the BMI scale. I realized fat people were dying more than anyone else, so I went on Jenny Craig. Lost 13 lbs since May. Would like to lose another 17 lbs.
by Anonymous | reply 20 | July 13, 2020 1:57 AM |
I’ve become a Gilligan's Island expert
by Anonymous | reply 21 | July 13, 2020 2:04 AM |
That’s great, R120! Happy for you.
I don’t work in an office anymore but I’m glad this is changing traditional office and corporate life which I always loathed.
by Anonymous | reply 22 | July 13, 2020 2:17 AM |
Catching up on sleep. Drinking gallons of green tea, white tea, green smoothies and disgusting kombucha so I can be immune to covid-19.
And binge-watching Intervention.
by Anonymous | reply 23 | July 13, 2020 2:21 AM |
The pandemic / quarantine / telework has oddly made me realize that retirement isn't anything I need to rush towards. This has sort of been like a dress rehearsal for me, and while I don't mind this abundance of downtime, days on end at home can get uninteresting.
I have a somewhat fun job, but still, heading into ones late 50's lunch conversations invariably go to, "What's the earliest I can retire and stay home??" Now I dont feel so compelled. Thanks Corona.
Of course once I'm back to 40 hours on-site again, I may forget this epiphany.
by Anonymous | reply 24 | July 13, 2020 2:33 AM |
I don't spend money going to bars
by Anonymous | reply 25 | July 13, 2020 2:39 AM |
"Lost 13 lbs since May. "
I found them, and wear them proudly. Thank you for your contribution to my girth.
by Anonymous | reply 26 | July 13, 2020 9:24 PM |
I’ve been working from home for the past 10 years and love it. Sadly, I can’t participate in the elation that some of you New WFH warriors are experiencing.
I did enjoy my 90 days furlough very much. As an introvert, that’s not very surprising. However, I’ve been back to work since last week and can feel the stress slowly creeping up. Not happy about that, but glad to be back at a job.
by Anonymous | reply 27 | July 13, 2020 9:55 PM |
I have purchased just ONE take-away meal in the last 12 weeks!
I am cooking and baking and have much more control of what I'm eating.
by Anonymous | reply 28 | July 13, 2020 10:11 PM |
We had about $300 (no joke) when the pandemic hit. I was driving Uber and gettin flat tires every other night. Now I have over $13,000 and I haven't worked a single day since. Unemployment + PUA + other grants have saved our lives. That $13000 is after paying off old debts plus I still have $8000 in backdated unemployment benefits coming. I know it sounds bad, but the pandemic changed our lives in a positive way. Of course, I wish 130,000 people didn't die and that I could see my friends, etc.
by Anonymous | reply 29 | July 14, 2020 3:27 AM |
Glad for you R29. It’s what government should do regularly for those who are struggling. Instead of spending billions on corporate tax breaks.
by Anonymous | reply 30 | July 14, 2020 3:58 AM |
My cheap nail salon is so spic and span you can eat off the floor. Also plastic dividers between stations and some weird jellyfish bladder in the pedicure tubs that they change out after each use. Everyone in masks. Limits of customers in shop. I was prepared to turn around and walk out if protocols were not in place, but was very impressed!
by Anonymous | reply 31 | July 14, 2020 4:02 AM |
Where I live we are required to wear masks in all public places, even outdoors. As a female, I like not having to wear make up now. Just put the mask on and I’m good to go. It saves a lot of time when I’m getting ready to go out.
I have gained 11 pounds however.. which sucks. I really need to get motivated and get back to my low carbing ways.
by Anonymous | reply 32 | July 14, 2020 4:11 AM |
The mystery of who played Beamish has been solved.
by Anonymous | reply 33 | July 29, 2020 2:37 AM |
I went out for groceries the other day and got cruised. HARD.
Before quarantine I was a 6.2 on a good day. But after 130 days of no hook-ups, I think 7 might be within my reach!
by Anonymous | reply 34 | July 29, 2020 2:50 AM |
No need to go outside in our brutal summer heat, having to slather on sunscreen, etc. Loving grocery delivery. My cooking skills have vastly improved - I never ate so much fresh veg and variety of meals.
by Anonymous | reply 35 | July 29, 2020 2:52 AM |
Eating a lot, watching dozens of movies and series, wearing comfy clothes like shorts and a T, not caring about how I look because no one sees me other than close family (no makeup, no bra, no shoes since March), and staying up as late as I want because I don't have to be up for my commute to work..just over to the computer and I'm there.
Oh, AND not having to make small talk in social situations. In fact, loving not having to socialize.
by Anonymous | reply 36 | July 29, 2020 2:58 AM |
No commute gives me time for a walk or bike ride. I’m getting outdoors more than ever. Also I eat gummy bears and don’t worry about the morning work.
by Anonymous | reply 37 | July 29, 2020 2:58 AM |
More time for reading.
Love curbside pickup. No in-store shoppers to deal with, no "sorry, we're out" or "we don't carry that here"
Less traffic!
by Anonymous | reply 38 | July 29, 2020 3:00 AM |
I don't have to see anybody, which is fantastic. Only do laundry maybe every two weeks, haven't worn a suit in 4 months. Actually managed to finish knitting something I started ~2 years ago.
by Anonymous | reply 39 | July 29, 2020 3:03 AM |
R12 😂
by Anonymous | reply 40 | July 29, 2020 4:47 AM |
I didn’t have to see my trumpy sister in law and horrid children at their son’s HS graduation (can’t travel sorry!)
Looking forward to my first Thanksgiving w/o a ton of family I don’t want to see in YEARS!
Oh happy day.
by Anonymous | reply 41 | July 29, 2020 4:43 PM |
Canceled Equinox membership.
Can cover face in public w/o looking weird.
Introvert, and it's finally ok to stay home.
Don't have to talk to any one face-to-face.
Instagram whores aren't showing off exotic locations as much, and when they do, they look even stupider and more selfish.
More people eating Beyond Meat and the like - vegan foods.
Decreased carbon emissions.
by Anonymous | reply 42 | July 29, 2020 4:57 PM |
That THIS METAPHOR OF A WALKING ASSHOLE just tested positive. He got bagged just before leaving on a flight to Texas, with the OTHER METAPHOR OF A WALKING ASSHOLE, trump.
And not for nothing; this R-pug is 66? Evil and hate manifested outward.
I'll be on the lookout for his obituary.
by Anonymous | reply 43 | July 29, 2020 6:39 PM |
I come to my completely empty office every day, and don't have to see any of the employees, most of whom I loathe.
by Anonymous | reply 44 | July 29, 2020 10:37 PM |
Freeballing.
by Anonymous | reply 45 | July 29, 2020 11:12 PM |
Won’t have to travel for Thanksgiving or Christmas, for the first time in decades. I can’t wait to kick back with a microwave turkey dinner and a glass of wine all by myself.
by Anonymous | reply 46 | July 30, 2020 1:48 AM |
I am learning about meal planning and baking because I have purchased just TWO take-away meals since the first week of March!
by Anonymous | reply 47 | July 30, 2020 2:16 AM |
R45 - I thought I was the only one free balling. I haven’t worn underwear since March. I think my balls hang lower now though.
by Anonymous | reply 48 | July 30, 2020 1:50 PM |
R48 I've worn underwear maybe 5 times since March. I'm sure my balls have descended, too, but oh, well.
by Anonymous | reply 49 | July 30, 2020 2:02 PM |
I wear boxers in the house, where I am all the time, so I consider it freeballing.
by Anonymous | reply 50 | July 30, 2020 2:07 PM |
this celebration of the lazy life at home will back fire. But enjoy it kiddos while you can
by Anonymous | reply 51 | July 30, 2020 2:19 PM |
R51 as long as people are more careful and less fearful (understand the virus), this celebration is nothing to fear.
by Anonymous | reply 52 | July 30, 2020 6:23 PM |
My dog loves that I’m home all the damn time.
by Anonymous | reply 53 | July 31, 2020 1:39 AM |
Even once theater comes back, stage-dooring will be dead
by Anonymous | reply 54 | July 31, 2020 2:32 AM |
I didn’t have to kiss up to the boss by buying boxes of her kid’s Girl Scout cookies this year.
by Anonymous | reply 55 | July 31, 2020 3:08 AM |
Trumpsters are dying by the thousands because they refuse to wear masks.
by Anonymous | reply 56 | July 31, 2020 12:17 PM |
r53 Your dog thinks you quit your job just so you could spend more time with him. Your cat thinks you were fired like the loser she always knew you were.
by Anonymous | reply 57 | July 31, 2020 12:30 PM |
I watch 'Public Freakout' on Reddit and there's been 5 examples during the pandemic of men walking nude in the streets.
Only two of them have been attractive.
by Anonymous | reply 58 | August 1, 2020 5:05 AM |
We sell fireworks and our sales were 4 times last year's.
by Anonymous | reply 59 | August 1, 2020 5:11 AM |
Since they’re too stupid to wear masks or social distance, the virus makes a great “Repug-remover”. Gets rid of those stubborn stains.
by Anonymous | reply 60 | August 1, 2020 10:04 AM |
[quote] Before quarantine I was a 6.2 on a good day. But after 130 days of no hook-ups, I think 7 might be within my reach!
STATUS UPDATE: Today at 2:42, someone WAY out of my league gave me a double take!
...on 20th St., in front of Kleinfeld...
There's hope for me yet!
by Anonymous | reply 61 | August 5, 2020 7:52 PM |
GTFO R58! I had no idea. Just Monday of this week we had a customer come into our truck repair shop (Houston) laughing his ass off. He had just seen a guy walking down our street buck naked. My daughter said the same thing happened in Atlanta a few weeks ago. I did not know it was a thing.
by Anonymous | reply 62 | August 5, 2020 8:14 PM |
I've been watching a ton of movies on criterion channel and prime....as well as 90 day fiance and all its variations.
by Anonymous | reply 63 | August 5, 2020 8:27 PM |
Very little laundry ! We have more sex! (For me since my husband is a broadway queen- we see EVERYTHING & I’m not a broadway queen) : No broadway shows!!!
by Anonymous | reply 64 | August 5, 2020 9:46 PM |
I'm working out again, at home. I'm much stronger these days and my moobs are like tittying up.
by Anonymous | reply 65 | August 5, 2020 10:12 PM |
R58 I've now seen a 6th nude man.
He jumped off the 3rd floor balcony in Romania onto a car window below. Not erotic. He survived.
by Anonymous | reply 66 | August 7, 2020 11:15 AM |
R66 what a weird pattern of behavior. I wonder why the nudity 🤔
by Anonymous | reply 67 | August 7, 2020 11:39 AM |
R63 I’ve dabbled in every iteration of 90 Day Fiancé since March. Great pandemic viewing because I actually feel better about my life after watching it.
Those people are wack!
by Anonymous | reply 68 | August 7, 2020 11:44 AM |
More amusing mental contorted messages from the body positivity activists that it's cruel and improper to warn obese people they're at increased risk of severe damage from the coronavirus. Absolutely do not tell them larger-than-average adipose tissue present higher-than-average ACE2 receptors for the virus to latch itself onto.
by Anonymous | reply 69 | August 25, 2020 5:31 PM |
Herman Cain is dead.
by Anonymous | reply 70 | August 25, 2020 5:33 PM |
Niggers die more than White People
by Anonymous | reply 71 | August 25, 2020 5:34 PM |
Fear of voting in person will mean low turnout of a Republican win. FOUR MORE YEARS of NO FEDERAL RESPOONSE. Let them die.
by Anonymous | reply 72 | August 25, 2020 5:37 PM |
Fat people die more often. More hotties for The Miss Teen USA Pageant.
by Anonymous | reply 73 | August 25, 2020 5:39 PM |
We can weaponize it for political purposes.
by Anonymous | reply 74 | August 25, 2020 5:41 PM |
Its not over yet, and there's still plenty of time and opportunity for trump to get it
by Anonymous | reply 75 | August 25, 2020 5:51 PM |
I had a long list of things that needed repairing or updating. After five months, there are just two things left.
I relearned how to make mitered corners for a couple frames that had cracked. I overcame my fear of electricity when I replaced two GFI outlets in the kitchen and removed old and installed new lights on the patio. My love of swimming has returned; I don't think I went swimming for a decade until June. Now I go every day.
My crème caramel/flan is now remarkably good. I mastered grilling tri-tip to a perfect medium rare.
I miss interacting with people at work, but I do not miss the $75/week in gas or the 90 minute commute to get there
by Anonymous | reply 76 | August 25, 2020 5:57 PM |
I've eaten at home more and lost a lot of weight. A shame no one can see. Maybe I'll set up an OnlyFans and make some extra money.
I've liked having no social obligations and just time to spend on things I've been putting off forever. It's making my mind a lot more clear. Also, I hit a little weed juice about 5 pm every day and ease into the evening. It's lovely.
by Anonymous | reply 77 | August 25, 2020 7:25 PM |
A trip canceled with a family member I had regretted planning it with. We were even sharing a room. I don't know WHAT I was thinking. I keep saying it, but it's a real blessing from God. I just can't believe the luck - and then I got all my money back on top of it.
by Anonymous | reply 78 | September 1, 2020 4:18 AM |
Coming back to work after months being off, I still had 4 weeks of vacation to take.
by Anonymous | reply 79 | September 1, 2020 4:27 AM |
I'm using most of my time to help my dear brother in his fight against his cunty ex, "Gyna", who won't let him see his 15 year old daughter. There's some serious parental alienation going on here by Gyna and she is in contempt by not allowing my brother his residential time with his child. My niece has been so brainwashed by her mother that she referred to her dad as a "toxic person" and "not fit to be a father". My brother had given up the hope of ever having a relationship with his daughter because he didn't know how parental alienation.
When the pandemic hit, my bro and I had more time to talk and I started doing some research for him on parental rights and custodial interference laws in our state. Turns out the law is absolutely on my bro's side and his rights have clearly been violated.
Now we're laying out the groundwork for a contempt case against Gyna. Today I found a law office that has a family law specialist (who we can pay by the hour) who can help us assemble our documents correctly and help with some of the wording in our legal forms.
I love my brother and have his back. He doesn't have a lot of money but we figure for under $400, we can put together a winnable case pro se, get my brother reunited with his daughter, have the court order emergency family counseling for my niece and my bro, and convicted Gyna of custodial interference. Not claiming to be an attorney but, damn, I'm pretty smart, Thanks covid!
by Anonymous | reply 80 | September 1, 2020 5:13 AM |
Herman Cain is dead.
by Anonymous | reply 81 | September 1, 2020 5:51 AM |
Trump killed many conservatives at his maskless RNC finale. They'll take it home to their families and more of them will die. It takes about 40 days from exposure to death so those in attendance last week will start dying in early October. Great for our economy and for embalmers.
by Anonymous | reply 82 | September 1, 2020 6:04 AM |
That's great, R80. Genuinely happy for you and your brother!
by Anonymous | reply 83 | September 1, 2020 12:29 PM |
Thanks R83! It's a great feeling and I encourage everyone not to be intimidated by the confusing court system. It's unfair that the poor guy gets screwed over when he can't afford an attorney but learning the basics about the system is something that the average person can do. My motivation is to help my bro and get that self-righteous cunt found guilty of contempt. I've never studied like this before - it's great!
by Anonymous | reply 84 | September 1, 2020 6:46 PM |
I had to watch a co-worker in agony when he was similarly screwed over by his wealthy former in-laws who baited the kids with ski weekends and designer clothes. I almost ate him alive.
by Anonymous | reply 85 | September 1, 2020 7:08 PM |
I am looking forward to a no family friends-giving. For the first time in decades I won't have to navigate the family mine field, nor travel! I'm almost giddy. Preparing to hold it in the backyard at my 12 foot long patio table and have everyone sit in sleeping bags to keep warm.
by Anonymous | reply 86 | September 1, 2020 7:37 PM |
R86 Yes! This year, I'll have an excuse not to get on a plane and go home for the holidays.
by Anonymous | reply 87 | September 1, 2020 7:44 PM |
My food tastes better because I was taking time to cook and added more ingredients. That all I can come up with.
by Anonymous | reply 88 | September 1, 2020 10:25 PM |
My vacation time has accumulated so fast. Spending more time at home doing work and projects around the house. Get to fuck my husband more often. Lost weight and got that mirror exercise system. Healthier is a bonus along with his rigid cock. Long walks together and alone.
By the way, the mirror is not cheap. Cost me 2k plus 60/month for workout routines along with basic equipment that I needed to purchase like weights and resistance bands.
I work out in the morning, and the husband works out in the afternoon.
by Anonymous | reply 89 | September 7, 2020 10:24 PM |
Since the pandemic began, my doctor’s office has finally gotten its act together. They now have a way to let me fill out my paperwork before I go there. When I arrive at the office, the nurse checks me in immediately, takes my temperature, and immediately escorts me to the exam room. The doctor does the tests, talks with me about my progress, and five minutes later I’m out of there and able get on with my life.
No more sitting in the waiting room surrounded by shrieking children for an hour, no more rude receptionists ignoring you while they gossip amongst themselves, no more waiting for three different nurses to come in and perform three different tasks (one to take blood, one to take blood pressure, one to “assess” how I’m feeling these days). I hope they keep it this way.
by Anonymous | reply 90 | September 7, 2020 10:44 PM |
Avoiding office politics and boring small talk with colleagues I don't give a shit about, all while saving $200/month on gas and hours commuting each week.
Realizing I don't miss eating at restaurants much at all, leading to further savings.
Social distancing and drastically reduced "friend time" leaves more time for me (selfish, I know) to enjoy quiet time or exploring a new hobby.
by Anonymous | reply 91 | September 7, 2020 11:06 PM |
Yes indeed, we too use "cookies." Take a look at our privacy/terms or if you just want to see the damn site without all this bureaucratic nonsense, click ACCEPT. Otherwise, you'll just have to find some other site for your pointless bitchery needs.
Become a contributor - post when you want with no ads!