Jake Gyllenhaal says Amy Schumer's husband is uncut

What an expanse of cheek.

I'd like to think of him more as a Penis Instructor, with demonstrations of course.

But are her tampns....

He's such a weird guy. Odd that he'd say such a suggestive thing when he spent over a decade trying to convince the world he's straight.

Oh look that short blip stop at the weight loss clinic backfired. She's getting fatter.

It's kind of hot to know that Jake Gyllenhaal is so familiar with his male friends' genitalia. The homoerotic things straight guys do with one another is both baffling and arousing.

R6 How is it homoerotic to know what his friend’s cock looks like? I’ve seen all my male friends (and a couple of my female friends) naked. Being naked together is a rite of passage where I’m from.

Americans are way too invested in avoiding nudity.

Donnie Dicko

Did Jake also pepper-spray her in the face?

Ever-helpful, that one.

If Chris is Jewish this is big news and must be investigated further.

The late Heath Ledger was uncut. Of course Jakey would know that.

I knew a Jewish Christopher once.

Heath is Aussie so not much of a surprise there.

He's not anymore.

I knew an uncut Jew once.

Shammy?

From the article:

In one, Gyllenhaal is shown standing with two of Fischer’s pals, both named Dave, while giving a toast to the newlyweds.

“We’re going to start this off with Chris is the only uncircumcised one amongst the four of us,” the actor says into a microphone, “which was a mystery to us as young boys because we only knew the penis to be one way.”

A source told us that Fischer and Gylenhaal have been friends since they were kids.

Guy friends do see each other naked in a non-sexual context. Or at least they did.

I'm three years older than Jake, and between Boy Scout camp, gym showers and the public pool changing room, I saw most of their dicks.

And none of them were uncut, now that I think about it...

Tell us about Jake's dick, r18.

It was probably a joke written by Amy.

Jake is hung, as this VPL indicates.

Jake's probably seen his dick more than Amy

Amazing how Amy Schumer managed to get such a big career since she's a total one-note comic.

R23 Society has begun to teach us that if you don't find a female comic funny you're automatically a conservative, a sexist, etc etc etc. This is how she's gotten a career. She's a female comic that makes jokes about being fat and about her pussy, and if you don't laugh then you must hate women.

"Society has begun to teach us that if you don't find a female comic funny you're automatically a conservative, a sexist, etc etc etc. This is how she's gotten a career."

Yes, this is why every single female comic has become famous! Every single one! They just automatically become famous if they're female. This is conservative logic - blame "affirmative action" every time a woman or a minority becomes successful. But straight white men always become famous on their own merits. *rolls eyes*

Anyone who knows anything about the standup scene will tell you women have it harder. Just ask all the women who had run-ins with Louis CK and the others

“Jake's probably seen his dick more than Amy”

I wish I knew how to quit it.

r24 is right. She's terribly overrated due to political correctness. If you've seen five minutes of her act, you've seen everything. She's a fat drunk slut who hates her body, over and over and over.

Jake is NOT hung.

Jake is a bottom.

All of us in the fraternity knew who among us had the biggest or the thickest cocks, the most massive bushes and the largest or most low-hanging balls. Sometimes we talked about them when they weren't in the room. Most of us showered in the open showers in a two hour period in the mornings. I knew what every one of my fraternity brothers looked like naked.

We also knew which girls had sex with these overachievers. One girl did it doggie-style with the brother with the longest cock. She walked kinda funny for the rest of the night. One brother with a huge bush took girls upstairs during a party, sometimes three or four of them (individually) in the same night. I heard no complaints about pubes stuck in their teeth.

I took advantage of my knowledge from time to time. I blew several of them over the four years. Not one of them acted funny after we hooked up. They were sex-beasts. They took it where they could get it.

He is not Jewish R10.

I was a freshman in college in 1994. On my dorm floor, the four shower stalls opened onto a public space with benches and the sinks about eight feet away.

Everyone on the floor hung out naked in the public space between showering and brushing your teeth for 9:30 classes, so we all knew each other's business. It struck me as kind of a rebellious thing to do. A couple of guys kicked it off, then we all did it.

I think that was the tail end of un-self-conscious casual male nudity. Or not. Today, young straight guys send their friends dick pics for evaluation, and videos of them fucking girls and getting blown, so ... ?

r32 I am exactly your age and my dorm had separate showers, with dividers and individual curtains. All the guys did the towel dance. I guess it depended on where you went to school.

What a weird thing to say. Just more proof Gyllenhaal is not straight.

Or more proof that is he is straight.

If you were trying to conceal your sexuality, why would you make any remarks about seeing another guy's penis?

Photos or it didn't happen.

I remember her making fun about uncut guys, maybe thats why?

Aside from college showering, I saw most of my friends' dicks at Boy Scout camp, changing at the pool, or that random night we all went streaking around the block. Not a one was uncut.

[quote] Americans are way too invested in avoiding nudity.

And reality. Especially in the time of the pandemic.

[quote]Jake is a bottom.

Actually r29, all we know from your post is that Jake HAS a bottom.

Where the hell are you from, R7?! I've never seen any of my friends naked.

So Jake, does it taste differently that other cocks?

Based on his classic BDF I'd also wager he's got a WHOPPAH!

JAKE TWIST?

JAKE NASTY!!!

Hot. I want proof showing that Jake is inspecting the cute husband's dick.

If Jake is the penis inspector, I'm long overdue for my check-up.

No man that hot should have to wake up every day and see that human cabbage patch kid lying next to him.

Nice pecs and a bit of a gut. Strangely I find that very sexy.

[quote]All of us in the fraternity knew who among us had the biggest or the thickest cocks,

Unless you saw each other HARD, that seems very unlikely.

Did any of you geniuses ever consider the fact that he might have been JOKING, esp if the groom was the only gentile? it's kind of old-school and tacky (not very funnY) humour, but still.

[quote] Unless you saw each other HARD, that seems very unlikely.

Did you miss the part in that sentence where he said they were in a fraternity together?

[quote]Did you miss the part in that sentence where he said they were in a fraternity together?

Unless they were in sigma chi or another 'fag-frat', most brothers are not gay.

Unless they are drunk r52.

Because being drunk always leads to erections. (rolls eyes)

[quote] (rolls eyes)

You look so CUTE when you do that.

Betting Jakey got docked by the husband's big uncut slab

Schumer is looking like a boil on an ass. Poor BDF guy.

Since Jake's sexuality has been questioned forever, he might want to avoid such conversations.

Is r7 Scandinave?

r59 Don't know about r7, but Jake is half-Swede. Does that mean he'd be more inclined to be a foreskin inspector?

R477 You don't really have to get it. He seems happy with Amy, that's as much as you can wish for anyone.

All kinds of sexy in R61's pic.

[quote]Is he the penis inspector?

He fucks fat chicks for money.

R23 Amazing that she still has a career with that behavior.

R41 in Germany it is normal to go with your friends to the sauna, or the gym (all showers are open here) so I have seen all of my friends naked, even females. It is no big deal.

So much American squeamishness about nudity on this thread!

And in general R67. We all have a penis if we are male.