Let's be the 2002 film adaptation of "Chicago"

I’m Catherine Zeta Jones, age 22!

I'm the rapid-fire editing done during CZJ's dancing to hide the fact that she couldn't dance well enough to manage a sustained dance step sequence filmed in a continuous take.

First reply is a CZJ comment about her age. Perfect! You whores are bringing your 'A' game today!

I'm CZJ's fat thighs in a flapper dress.

CZJ was two months pregnant when filming began, but she insisted on doing the dance numbers herself. So her scenes were carefully shot and edited so that her baby bump wouldn't show. A body double was used for some of the long shots.

I'm the trannys complaining that Mary Sunshine was played by a woman (Christine Baranski) and not one of us!

[quote]CZJ was two months pregnant when filming began, but she insisted on doing the dance numbers herself. So her scenes were carefully shot and edited so that her baby bump wouldn't show. A body double was used for some of the long shots.

That's the excuse they used?

Nobody bought it then, nobody buys it now.

I do buy the body double part though.

R1 How dare You! I was an 18 years old ingénue, just starting out.

I'm Cynthia Onrubia, Broadway veteran, who is one of the chorus during the Cell Block Tango.

R9, I find the whole Cell Block Tango number strangely arousing.

I'm CZJ's ire at the idea I can't dance. I was in West End musicals, slags! The editing was for the benefit of ol' bag o' bones, not me.

I'm Chita Rivera who showed why she had no film career when the audience screamed at the sight of her face.

It's a good film. I like Renee and CZJ in it. You can watch All that Jazz and Hot Honey Rag performances on YouTube all day and night. But Renee and Catherine were very well cast and the editing kept it exciting. Who wants to watch Bebe Neuwirth for 2 hours?

Yes, R13. Who indeed?

We are Renee and Catherine's agents fighting over which client deserves top billing.

^^ that one or this one:

I'm John Travolta, kicking myself for being dumb and turning down the Billy Flynn role

I'm Ann Reinking wondering why I agree to sing Against All Odds at the Oscars.

I'm Queen Latifah convincingly playing a dyke prison warden.

I'm Richard Gere. People complained about my singing for years ... until they heard Pierce Brosnan in "Mamma Mia."

CZJ and Renee were (are) the same age (!)

CZJ was not the problematic dancer whose numbers had to be diced and spliced. That would be Richard Gere.

R21, I'm only 34 and Renee is in her 50s!

I'm Renee caterwauling "Jaaaaa-aaaazzzz!" right in the middle of the best musical number, totally taking you out of the song.

Bebe and Reinking were so good in that Broadway run. The closet thing you'd get to Rivera and Verdon, and boy were you glad.

Goldie and Liza tried to get this movie made for years. Then Goldie and Madonna. Both pairs would have been fantastic. Rob Marshall is a grade A hack with his MTV-esque retelling.

I'm Lucky Lindy, and I'm just thrilled not to have the words 'Nazi sympathizer' before my name in the lyrics to "All That Jazz."

I’m the cartwheels that are edited to show the takeoff, never the landing.

It shoulda been me!!

I’m Lucky Lindy.

I'm the way Richard Gere will in a reaction shot, lock eyes with his conversation partner, look off into the middle-distance in a reverie, smile enigmatically, then return his attention to the fellow actor.

Travolta got to do Hairspray. In a fat hiding fatter suit of dresses! He got an extra solo in You Can't Stop The Beat. He wasn't taking that bitty part in Chicago. R30 just summed up every Richard Gere performance of all time. Mr. Monotony. Rabbit face.

Renee was born to play Roxie and if Catherine were in Top Form, she would have slayed her part. As it is, all the best parts of the film Chicago belong to CZJ. She's quite fine and fantastic. She should play Mama Rose, as everyone knows. But she's far too beautiful.

Don't believe the rumors that I'm way older than what my proclaimed age is. Everyone knows I'm a natural beauty who's never gone under the knife, my eyes and eyebrows naturally tilt up instead of droop with age. I'm also a better dancer than Bebe Neuwirth despite me not being able to do the splits. Why do the splits when they can just do a frontal shot of me open my legs wide enough to show my cooch.

I'm Kevin Spacey. I was first choice for Billy Flynn. I was perfect casting as I do oily and sleazy better than anyone else and I can sort-of sing. I decided to make "Pay it Forward" instead

Reinking has always been unbearable to listen to. Now that she's blown up Wagnerian style, thankfully we don't have to see her anymore, much less hear her.

Hi, can an insider answer- why in God's name Would CZJ get pregnant right before this kind of lifelong dream, career making role? Self sabotage or insurance so they couldn't fire her? A handicap to disguise her lack of skill, "oh but she was pregnant you see!"

She was too old not to know how her body worked at that point. There are no true accident babies past 25.

Madonna was pregnant for Evita. Who said it was an accident? A newly pregnant woman is not disabled you know? Madonna never looked as good in her life as she does in Evita. Even with that little belly in her satin chemise - when she tangos with Banderas. Zeta Jones was just too fat during the filming of Chicago.

She was hardly "fat"

I'm Mr. Cellophane.

I'm one of the people who doesn't know R38 is even there.

[quote]She was hardly "fat"

Well, she doesn't lack talent either. But something happened to her body and ability between rehearsal and the finished film. She might have had a complicated pregnancy, who knows. I like CJZ. She's a star, even when she's only adequate.

I'm Fred Casely. I gave R38 ten percent off his furniture.

R40, after watching that clip I think Rob Marshall might be a homosexual.

I’m Donald Trump, patting myself on the back for perfecting the “Razzle Dazzle”

Eh he's more Emperor's New Clothes than Razzle Dazzle

I'm the Kellyann Conway version of Roxie

One of their best bits, r45.

r6 I'm women, complaining that Christine Baranski identifies as one of us.

I'm The Gays, who'll gladly induct Christine Baranski as an honourary gay.

I'm the French inmate.

Whoever I am, I had it coming.

I'm the visible bones under the skin of every dancer around CZJ

I'm Richard Gere's frequent visits to Taye Diggs' trailer to "run lines."

R49 she’s not French—she’s speaking a Slavic language—in Chicago that Gould he Polish or Czech.

I'm Hugh Jackman, gracefully declining.

R49 R53 considering they called her being hanged the Hungarian Disappearing Act...

I'm me, thankful that neither role went to Bebe Neuwirth.

The character's name is "the Hunyak," which is a derogatory term for a Hungarian (or other Central European.)

I’m CZJ, accepting an Oscar for doing nothing.

I'm Julianne Moore. I was better.

It was brave for CZJ to take on such a ballsy role at the age of 17

Nah, I'd rather be the 1942 version...

I'm CZJ. I got an Oscar for stomping around like an elephant.

ROXIE HART was one of Ginger Rogers best 1940s movies. One of her best movies, period.

I’m “My Own Best Friend”. I am the best song in the entire musical and was not in the film for some odd reason.

They needed even MORE shots of CZJ's fat ass and thighs, R64.

I am both The Academy Award and Tony Award sitting on the shelf at home. Fuck You All.

Do they sit next to the face you had when you won them, R66?

My pussy can give you cancer.

R34 = Phil Collins

R34, = anyone with hearing.

I’m the background actor from Toronto who was in several of the courtroom scenes... I really am!

Chicago, the Broadway show SUCKED. The movie version made it tolerable and was actually entertaining.

I'm the as-PI-rin down at United Drug!

I'm ACTUAL United Drug aspirin.

I'm a great big "iechyd da" to everyone back home in Mumbles.

I'm "Class" and this film lost some when I was cut. I would have bumped CZJ from supporting to lead!

I'm the strict California child labor laws, which allowed CZJ (still a minor at the time) to be on the set for very limited amount of time, sending the film over budget.

I agree, that fucking talentless Roxie (Renee) ruined All That Jazz with her horrible squeal. Is there any version where she's omitted?

I'm Kathy Bates, convinced that Scottish wanker has called my name for Oscar #2 until that manic slapper comes barrelling towards the stage and grabs MY Oscar!

As if fugly John C. Reilly could have a pretty wife like Roxy.

I agree, he was miscast.

God, I hate John C. Reilly so much. So. Damn. Ugly.

2002 he played the husbands of Jennifer Aniston, Julianne Moore, Renee Z.

There's GOT.

TO BE.

CLOWNS.

CZJ's next project should be the title role in "The Naya Rivera Story."

I think she was in the heights of bipolar mania at The Tonys when she did that crazed version of SITC. Watch her acceptance speech and she's clearly manic, even Michael is embarassed/scared.

I'm the 2022 film adaptation. Roxie is Black. Velma is Trans. FINALLY.

I'm the fierce "come and get me, fucker!" look CZJ throws the detective during her "All That Jazz" Big Finish...I won her the Oscar.

I'm Richard Gere, snatching up yet another role Travolta turned down.

Why was CZJ campaigned in Supporting when she is co-lead? I realise it may be for an easier win but she's still the star

Velma is supporting, though. It's Roxie's story.

Fred was very fuckable, I would have sucked him off in from of Mrs Bresewitz!

Anyone would be very fuckable compared to John C. Reilly

[quote]Anyone would be very fuckable compared to John C. Reilly

Former Vice President John C. Calhoun is very fuckable compared to John C. Reilly.

I’m Father Dip and I’m gonna blow the blues.

R85 Well, she’d Be better in that than in “The CHITA Rivera Story”—you’d need a dancer for that.

I guess I really am Mr. Cellophane since you forgot about me

R97 we didn't forget about you John! Didn't you see all the comments above about how unfuckable you are?

I'm a lavalier that goes all the way down to the waist.

I'm all the actresses who were once cast in the roles taken by these young whippersnapper

[quote]I'm Richard Gere, snatching up yet another role Travolta turned down.

Please don't use the word "snatch" in a sentence with my name. It's triggering. And I'm in mourning.

I'm Sophie Tucker's shit.

I love CHICAGO...they were all great.

r102 That line in "Roxie" about Sophie Tucker always makes me laugh(and I didn't even know her. Allegedly)

On the downside, that tune has become my latest ear-worm.

I'm the love none of us got enough of in our childhoods.

I'm Rob Marshall's excuse for not using Bob Fosse's original choreography: "People forget, Bob Fosse changed the original choreography when he did the film version of 'Cabaret'".

You're no Bob Fosse, Rob...

I’m in the bathroom watching Dominic West take a leak after banging Zellweger. W O O F!

I'm Dominic West's shaky American accent in his scene with Renee just before he gets what he deserves!

I'm the rapid-fire editing done during ALL the dancing to hide the fact that no one in this movie could dance well enough to manage a sustained dance step sequence filmed in a continuous take.

Bump

I’m Jessica Molasky who “sweetened” (ahem) Renee’s singing, including the big note in “All That Jazz” everyone is complaining about here... believe me, if I wasn’t imitating her “voice” you wouldn’t be complaining.

I agree with R72. I really enjoyed the movie, it had style. I saw Chicago live when Joey Lawrence was in it. He sucked.

I am "Foxy". They cut me out for sounding too much like seventies slang, I guess.