Weirdest/Dumbest rants you ever witnessed from a customer in a store or restaurant

When I worked in a grocery store, an elderly white man ranted and raved at our manager about the bags of grapes weren't closed. People could stick their hands in the bags and touch the grapes!

The manager kept his cool and tried to calm him down. The police were summoned to escort the man out of the store. Bystanders commented that he must have been drinking. However, the man wasn't slurring his words or stumbling; he was just nuts.

He does have a point.

I worked at one of the Big Mega Bookstore chains about 20 years ago. These are always hectic places during the Christmas season, of course.

The customer had ordered a book in, I think, October, right before Halloween, as a gift and never picked it up. The policy was two weeks.

She rolls into the store on CHRISTMAS fucking EVE. Asks my coworker for the book. There's a long line and we are ringing registers to beat the band.

She is told the book is not in the store, that she did not pick up the book and it was returned.

This bitch loses it.

She's Asian, and she is decked out to the nines. She has a fur coat on.

She CRAWLS onto our register area (a big wooden counter that wraps around the front of the store) and begins to shout at my coworker - in her native language.

At this point I have gone from shock to trying desperately not to laugh. The manager comes to the front and the police arrive soon after.

Some youngish kid in line, maybe seven or eight years old, says, "Mommy, that lady is PEEING!"

And indeed, she had pulled down her underwear and started to pee on the counter as the police were pulling her down.

When I worked in a bar/restaurant there were guys who'd order like 6 beers and then scream when the bartender cut them off

rrrrrrrrr

I CAN'T WEAR A MASK! I'M A CUNT!

R3 reminds me of the time I was selling an air conditioner over Craig’s List. A buyer wanted to pick the item up the next day at 4 pm, but I told her I was only free at 10 am, the next day, and if that was no good for her, I’ll have to sell it to one of the other bidders. We agreed that she’s come at 10. I followed up with conformation email, and she replied:

[italic] I'm an office girl. Ten AM is hard for me. Maybe I landlord can help. I'll text you his phone number so you guys can connect. [/italic]

So now, the agreed upon meeting at 10 am is off, and she expects me to reach out to her landlord who also probably doesn’t want this bother either. She seems crazy, So I immediately texted her to call it off, to cancel. Meanwhile, no money has been exchanged. Then I get a series of texts from her:

[italic] What's mean? I thought we're going to pick up 10:00am? [/italic]

[italic] Can you get back to me? I already arranged somebody to pick up the item tomorrow. [/italic]

[italic] Please be decent! 4:00pm today then you changed to tomorrow 4:00pm. Then change again to 10:00am. Now what? Are you really human or what? Can't believe these kind of human! [/italic]

[italic] You can be rich for that stuff, but don't care if other thought of you Low life! [/italic]

r7, was it Melania?

No, she was East Asian, I believe.

I worked in a shoe shop after school. An old perv came in one day claiming he needed hiking boots for his foster son and I looked like I wore the same size. He pulled out a zip-lock bag with dirty white socks that he wanted me to wear while I tried the boots on. I said no.

He offered me $10, then $15, then $20 to just do it and then he'd leave, adding something like "come on, $20 is a fortune to people like you." I didn't budge and his bargaining became more frantic. My manager came out when she heard his raised voice, and he started shrieking at her that he had walked in on me sniffing glue!

He then threatened to burn down the building, threatened to have his mates follow her home and rape her; tried to kick over a chair but it was one of an attached row; and said he was filing a complaint with the "Department of Waitangi Affairs" and I would be unemployable for the rest of my life.

He kept walking past the window and making a throat-cutting gestures so she eventually called the cops. They said he was probably just a lonely old man and the whole thing could have been avoided if I had done as he asked.

R10 wins. Nobody can possibly follow that.

I've worked in hotels for years, and drunk guests late at night are either a piece of cake ($20 tips for making them another key and giving them a free bottled water), or they're threatening to call the cops for not being able to get a key when they aren't registered on the room. One guy awhile back accused me of being racist for not giving him a key to his alleged girlfriend's room (he was white and I'm also very white), and then threw his non-working key over the desk and threatened to burn down the hotel and kill me and my manager, who'd just come out after hearing the commotion. Security escorted him off property to the arriving cops, and it turned out he'd beaten the girlfriend to a pulp and she'd had the keys recoded to the room earlier in the evening. I'm sure he enjoyed the night in jail with his new roommates.

I was standing line at Customer Service Desk in Publix supermarket which is known for their excellent customer service here in Florida:

Elderly couple was returning a package of blueberry muffins from the bakery. Complaint: too many blueberries in the blueberry muffins. Publix employee apologized profusely for the too many blueberries in the blueberry muffins and refunded their money. They proceeded to yank the package of muffins back out of her hand and put it back in their bag to take home, fine. Then they said they should get a free package of another flavor to make up for their inconvenience of the blueberry travesty, fine, she tells them to go get themselves another variety. No, they want her to go get them a package of corn muffins and they will wait at the desk, which she did. When she returned, they weren't satisfied with the expiration date on the muffins and wanted a better date... At this point I walked away because I was afraid of what would come out of my mouth.

Mcscuse me?

R13 I used to live in Florida and this perfectly encapsulates the Publix experience!

I was standing at a customer service desk buying a gift certificate and a woman started ranting about the music in the store. The two women behind the counter never said a word so the crazy lady yelled "Is this what you want? Is this what you God damned want?" And she would dance around and then slam her fists on the counter and make these howling sounds and then yell "Is this what you God damned want?"

She did that about three times varying her dance moves and then she walked out on the sidewalk and pounded on the window and started yelling and dancing again.

This women was scary, she was super muscular and so intense, like she could rip a person's arm off. One of the women behind the counter muttered "That's gotta be menopause".

R10 shoe shop guy: didn’t your store have a supply of disposable socks used specifically for trying on shoes? I would have tried on the new shoes with the disposable socks and taken the 20,00 bucks.

R17 the point was that old dude wanted to sniff the socks after R10's feet was inside them

This is an amazing thread. Carry on.

"An old perv came in one day claiming he needed hiking boots for his foster son and I looked like I wore the same size."

Matt Gaetz?

LMAO, R20! Bravo!

Not from a customer, but from the mother of the owner of the restaurant where I was a busboy one summer. It was my first summer job. It was the lunch shift. The woman came into the kitchen and started complaining about how wasteful we were. She proceeded to to take a slice of toast out of the garbage, brushed it off, and placed it on a plate to be served.

R22 Ugh, gross. I worked at an Arby's that had a cheap old couple as owners and she'd do the same thing. We were required by law to throw away any sandwich that had been under the heat lamp for more than 30 minutes, but she'd pull them out of the trash, rewrap them and make us sell them.

I was a waiter and worked various retail but I'm coming up blank with anything weird/dumb. The worst experience I had was at my first job at a mall pet store. It was a Sunday afternoon and a man very intensely demanded to speak to the manager. Like I could see he was shaking with anger. He proceeded to chew her out for about 15 minutes and threatened to call the cops and animal control. Turns out his kid had discovered a dead turtle in the big turtle display we had in the front window. He was probably over the top in attacking the poor 20-something weekend manager but his complaint was legit and if it had been a weekday I'm sure animal control would have shown up. What's worse is that after he left we ended up discovering at least half a dozen dead turtles in that display. I don't know if mall pet shops still exist but NEVER buy animals from there.

Some dumb whore in a little goofy restaurant a few years ago was having a giant fit because she did not believe the cheesecake she was served was really made at the restaurant - as it said in the menu. The waiter was probably 16, and she was so freaking rude. The manager came over, and just let her keep going off. The worst thing is - HE CAVED IN and actually let this dumb bitch stand at the entry to the kitchen, so she could see them making the cheesecake. We were all speaking up and telling them to kick her out. That's one of my only real experiences like that in recent years. When she left, the whole restaurant clapped.

[quote]He then threatened to burn down the building, threatened to have his mates follow her home and rape her; tried to kick over a chair but it was one of an attached row; and said he was filing a complaint with the "Department of Waitangi Affairs" and I would be unemployable for the rest of my life.

I have no idea what a "Waitangi" is, but suddenly I feel compelled to have an affair with one.

[quote]When I worked in a grocery store, an elderly white man ranted and raved at our manager about the bags of grapes weren't closed. People could stick their hands in the bags and touch the grapes!

[quote]The manager kept his cool and tried to calm him down. The police were summoned to escort the man out of the store. Bystanders commented that he must have been drinking. However, the man wasn't slurring his words or stumbling; he was just nuts.

Probably upset because no one has stuck their hand inside and touched his "grapes" for decades.

As a customer at Bed Bath and Beyond in NYC, I came to the check out just as an elderly white woman was yelling at the young black cashier. The cashier was not engaging but the elderly woman was obvious pissed off about something. The elderly woman then pointed at the very pregnant cashier and yelled, “ You’re pregnant but I don’t see a ring on that finger!”

I was at some cheap store like Marshall's or something about 10 years ago. There was a pretty long line - 8 or so of us, waiting to check out. This older lady comes through the front door, goes straight up to the register in front of everyone, and turns around and announces, "I'm just returning something." The cashier tells her she'll have to go to the back of the line. Old lady says, "I do not have time for that. I've already purchased something. What don't you understand." Older lady in front of me (who was also older than bitchy line-jumper) yells to her "Bitch, get to the end of the line like every body else. You ain't special." Initial bitch was mortified, it was wonderful. She just left the store instead of going to wait in line.

This has been many years ago, but this woman raised hell with the post office clerk about how stamps were already sticky - you don't need to lick them anymore - and someone should've told her that when she bought them. To her credit, the postal worker kept a straight face and very politely said she was sorry for her inconvenience. The woman just sort of stomped off and the postal worker burst into giggles when she left.

R14 I can't stop laughing! "...or punch her in the cooter, I don't care"

Old people loose all restraint. I hope I don't turn into that.

People who type "loose" when they mean "lose." I hope I don't turn into that.

R33 = elderly prisspot.

I worked in a minilab in the early 2000s. Kids, this is where you had to get your pictures developed pre-smartphones. Anyway this woman brought in 5 rolls of film to get developed. When she came back she received 4 packs of pictures w/negatives and one blank roll.

She wanted to know what happened to her other roll of film. We told she gave us a blank roll of film. She said “NO I took 5 rolls of pictures”. We suggested she might have not loaded the film properly and it didn’t catch. She insisted it was an auto-load camera and it was impossible. Somehow she had in her head that our film developer machine “removed” her pictures and she wanted it back. She threw the blank negative roll at me and said “You and your machine stole my pictures and I want it put back on the film!”

I calmly explained that not how film development/exposure works. Of course she was screaming for a manger and he came running out. The manager asked her for her name and phone number and said we would call her back when we put the pictures back on her film negative. We never called her back.

Pic of machine below for reference.

If you do not give me a refund for these panties my husband will beat me when I get home.

A restaurant in Sicily and a guido demanded spaghetti with spaghetti sauce. The waiter offered the 3 choices that had for spaghetti, lemon, garlic and oil or pistachio. He got angry and wanted spaghetti sauce the way his grandmother who WAS FROM SICILY made. WITH meatballs.

He was an idiot.

A woman and her four or five extremely ill-behaved children, aged about 8 through 14, were seated at a large table in a local family restaurant. The children were yelling, throwing things at each other, running around the table and being completely obnoxious. They were asked several times by the manager to keep under control, but they paid no attention. They were finally asked to leave. As the group walked out, all the other diners applauded. The mom stopped, turned around to face everyone, and calmly—and very regally—said, "Fuck you all. Fuck you very much!" She sounded like Judi Dench accepting a BAFTA award. At that moment I forgave her.

Long time L.A. Trader Joe's assistant manager. This shit happens EVERY DAY. I fell over laughing when I saw this....SO. SPOT. ON.

if a twitter video counts as witnessing:

R40, and context about what set off the girl in that video. Acts like a 5-year-old having a tantrum.

R14 is a comedian.

karens gonna karen, r41.

R29's post illustrates why I've come to a conclusion about one aspect of these situations. If the Karen is elderly and there are other seniors affected by her behavior, let them handle it.

I have a lot because I used to work in a major department store in the cosmetics department. One time an older Filipino man came up to me carrying his belt and gesticulating. I told him the men’s department was downstairs, thinking he wanted a new belt. But he said “no, no!” And pointed at his crotch like a wild man. I looked down and he had a huge hard on, which was quite apparent since he was as tiny as a cricket and he looked like one of those tools that you use to measure right angles. I ran to the bathroom and left him standing there.

Another time a middle eastern man insisted I look at his phone to help him use google maps. But he wanted to show me hard core porn.

An Asian lady who was a tourist and didn’t speak English pointed at a big blown up ad featuring Kendall Jenner and then pointed at her face. She wanted me to make her look like Kendall. I tried, but it wasn’t going to work since she was about fifty or sixty years old and looked nothing like her. She was so angry she wouldn’t leave the chair and I had to call security.

A youngish white girl went up the escalator in a miniskirt with no underwear. My co worker said in her thick Russian accent “And I see her hair and I see her hole!”

An elderly male customer was off in one corner arguing with the store manager very loudly. Apparently he had made a purchase using a gift card from AT&T and then returned the item, the store credited his gift card which the man no longer had and was accusing them of stealing his money. The manager kept explaining that they didn't have his money it was on his AT&T gift card but since he no longer had the gift card he didn't have the money either. I guess the moral to that story is don't throw away a gift card if you think you might be returning an item.

[quote] A youngish white girl went up the escalator in a miniskirt with no underwear. My co worker said in her thick Russian accent “And I see her hair and I see her hole!”

Hee hee hee

R44 Yes! As an EG, believe me, elder fraus are perfectly capable of beating up their own!

We did have them, R17, but he wasn't the first — we mostly got phone calls but it only takes a couple to finely tune one's pervdar — and I knew that nothing short of sticking my feet in his (I'm guessing) cum-crusted socks would satisfy him. Whatever their thing was, it was always very specific.

One creepy aspect: when we got these calls they always involved a young cousin, a dance student, a coworker's kid, a niece/nephew, a stepchild, a foster child, etc. It was never an actual son or daughter, which makes me think they had kids of their own and their minds couldn't go there.

I was at an (unheated) train station in January once, and a woman, homeless, I think, started stomping her feet and screaming, “It’s cold! It’s cold, it’s ...” well, no shit. It’s always cold there in the winter,

Sorry this isn’t amusing, but it was years ago and stuck with me,

I was on the subway years ago, in a window seat. There was a woman sitting next to me in the isle seat, and it was not easy to pass by that person. I was immersed in a newspaper when we stopped and a pregnant woman got on. She found an empty seat behind me.

This old queen addressed me with a British accent:

Old Queen: “Excuse me, excuse me, but if the Queen Mother boarded the trolly, would you not give up your seat?”

Me: “the Queen Mother is dead“

OQ: “Quite, but if it were your sister...”

Me: “don’t be silly, my sister isn’t the Queen Mother.”

OQ: “yes, but your mother...”

Me: “have you been drinking?”

OQ: “I may have had a couple glasses of sherry...”

Me: “because you stink of liquor”.

Then I got up, squeezed by the women next to me, and walked to the front of the car. Meanwhile, I hear him ranting from the back about the Queen Mother and such. I think he just wanted to talk to me.