Have you ever gotten revenge on someone?

No, never.

I went up and I viciously slapped the face of a friend once

R2 = The Senatrice regarding the late John McCain

My dad gave this totally unqualified guy a job because they shared similar interests outside of work. Then the guy started spending time with other likeminded individuals who, unfortunately were much less discreet.

Fast forward a few decades, the guy was tossed in jail and a lot of his buddies were concerned he might, well, share private information about their proclivities.

I figured he was tight lipped enough to make it through his incarceration, but my present boss - as luck would have it - traveled in the same circles as this guy and, in no uncertain terms, made it clear to me that if the guy were to say, spill the beans about my boss, then my boss would make sure my dad’s history with this guy would become public knowledge.

Bing Bang Boom

He daid.

I basically wait out the situation until I can sever all ties. It's happened twice and not a total surprise to the other party.

Now that I think of it, that’s really less of a revenge story and more of a cover your ass story.

My bad.

— Fat Billy at R4

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Living well is the best revenge.

Success is the best revenge of all.

Years ago I was extremely rude and personal to someone whom I had been told didn't like me. I have regretted everything I said ever since and only wish I had been a better person and ignored what I had been told as it has never made me feel good about what I did.

I read an article years ago about Toxic friends and realised I had 3 that made me feel anxious, nervous and unhappy. So I did what the article said and completely cut them out of my life. Over the years I have received many invitations, emails, letters and phone calls plus they have all individually turned up on my door and wanted to pick up where we left off. I have been pleasant them but let them all know that I wish them well but had moved on with my life. Do I regret what I did? No not one bit and I truly know how much richer my life has been without them in it.

Toxic Friends Network. Is that a new multi-level marketing scheme for Miss Warwick?

Yes.

I slapped Chirlaine McCray in front of a Rabbi, does that count?

Yes, I have gotten revenge. After a few months, the new director of the department wanted to fire me along with a couple of other employees. He wasn't justified, but wanted to "clean house." He made life miserable for everyone in the entire department. During these months, I started looking for a new job, and luckily I got one. However, on my last day there, which was a Friday, I wrote an extensive and detailed memo about this new director and all the violations he had committed since he started his job. My department was in a different building from corporate headquarters, so the new director used to violate tons of rules without the executive management seeing what he was doing, As I said, I got another job while all this was going on. The new director was ruining the department and destroying employee behavior, productivity and morale. Anyway, I wrote my memo with supporting evidence and mailed it via U.S. mail to his boss, the president of the company and other members of the executive management that Friday night after the director had left the building. I did not write an email because I did not want everyone receiving my email that evening--the night I was leaving the company. This was on Friday--and on Monday, all the people to whom I wrote the memo including the new director received it in their Monday U.S. mail. Each packet of information was in a big manila envelope, which I ran through the company postage machine on Friday night.

So on Monday, I was no longer working there, they all received their memo packets from me via U.S. mail. When they received their mail from me on Monday, they were horrified to read what the new director had been doing. He was called into the president's office to explain himself. Since he couldn't explain himself because I had supplied everyone with supporting documentation, he was immediately suspended so they could do their own investigation. When that was completed in a matter of days, he was fired.

It was the only time I was ever able to carry out such nasty revenge. And no one deserved it more than this motherfucker who wanted to fire me. By the way, the director's boss and the president of the company were happy with me and didn't want me fired, but they wanted to support the new director and the changes he wanted to make so they allowed him to do this to the department. I was then gone to a new job, and the new director was fired and out of a job. Karma, it's a bitch.

R15, sounds delicious. What happened to him since? Did he ever know it was you?

Many times. It’s very easy.

The older I get, however, the less I give a shit and try to just live well as the best revenge.

You have confirmed -- "No loaf is better than half a loaf of what you don't want."

Living successfully can be harder than it once was, what with run of the mill humans acting more like sociopaths now, and misuse of social media exacerbating cancel culture.

Accusations don’t even have to be true now for there to be irreparable damage done.

R15 I was expecting this to be the synopsis of a Julia Roberts movie.

My neighbor teased that my miniature sugar-cube Buckingham Palace I made for the Holidays looked poor; I gilded the live eggs and birds' nests in her front yard decorated Christmas tree and snickered.

R16. I have no idea what he is doing now. Never heard from him again. Didn't want to either, but I kept in touch with former colleagues to known that he got fired. And yes, he knew it was me who blew the whistle on him. I mailed and signed the packet of information and sent it to the executive management of the company and also to him at the same time. So as management was receiving their copy, he was receiving his copy with everyone copied at the top of the memo so they all knew who was receiving it clearly stating the information was from me. It was the perfect ending to an asshole who thought he was was going to mess up my life, job and income. And he couldn't defend himself because he knew he had done what I said he done. Everyone knew. He just didn't think I would go public. Don't fuck with me fellas. I don't play.

I've gotten revenge several times. It almost always involved playing the longish game, pretending to be friends or winning back a shitty boyfriend and then dumping/ghosting/spreading rumors about them. If you played the part well, they really did believe you were the perfect friend or partner and didn't see it coming. Getting blindsided is key to the art of revenge.

I agree with R10, though. After a certain age, it's harder to fake it and it's just not worth the time or effort. A peaceful and contented life is much better.

Did I ever!

Found out my ex-partner was cheating on me with someone younger for over 2 years who he then left me for. Ended up hooking up with his 23 year old son. He has a tattoo on his upper back so when I was pounding him doggy style, I snapped a photo and sent it to him with a note "You were right, young hole is better." He left me an irate five minute voicemail that I listened to with a huge grin.

I was instrumental in getting two of my bosses (two different jobs) fired. Both of them were falsifying data, and I had the documentation. Both of them were real assholes. It felt wonderful!

I must agree, revenge is best served cold, unless you want the recipient to know exactly who it is serving the dish.

My best revenge was planting a few different drugs in the home of a friend who, I learned, was planning on robbing me while I was at work. I pretended to be his friend, biding my time until I could leave a few discrete items hidden in his home.

Then I called CPS to report that a couple were abusing their two children, and were also selling drugs out of the home. A few days later I learned the children had been taken away and a search found the drugs. My "friend" went to jail for three years (he had warrants for a few other things) and the wife had to go to court to get the kids back. She divorced him while he was still incarcerated.

Shortly after being released he overdosed. Boo-hoo.

R27 I think you're my new hero.

I spent some years managing an obstreperous show business office that was filled with talented, but narcissistic, show biz professionals. They could do great work. They could also really stir the shit within the office. Some I could tolerate. Some I learned to hate.

At all times in that place, I kept my eyes and ears open. Dirt would inevitably float by. When it did, I documented it and filed it away. Show biz is cyclical. The payroll would swell and then reduce to reflect the work load. And when it came time to trim the payroll, my file was handy. With it, the ones I personally viewed as troublemakers were moved to the top of the proposed reduction in force.

It all had to be hashed it with the owners, but they were risk adverse. If they were on the fence about a person I proposed to part of the reduction, being able to show them how that person created liability for them almost always swung things they way I wanted it to go. Had I tried to get rid of these particular employees when we where busy and the pressure was on, I would have gotten no where. But when the belt had to be tightened, I could usually arrange for them to be the first to the Unemployment office.

Do your work. Earn your pay. Don't piss off the manager.

Years ago, Freaknik was held in Atlanta in Piedmont Park. I had a house across the park. I had hundreds of people banging on windows and doors to use my bathroom. I saw a guy pee on my dog in the backyard. I saw a car in front of my house surrounded and people rocking the car back and forth as the woman driver was screaming in terror. Someone thought a gun had gone off and my house was stormed.

It was such a nightmare because there were just too many drunk kids who criminals were using as cover to stir things up.

I worked with the mayor and had phone numbers for all of city council. One city council person responded to my concerns by saying, "It's time you white people got scared. Now, you can fuck off." And she hung up. I was shocked -- more by the "fuck off" than anything.

I thought, "She might not feel the same way if this were happening around her house."

So the next year, I printed up a flyer promoting a Freaknik party at her house (I had her address). Not only did it promise "FREE BEER!" it also promised a "BEST PUSSY CONTEST!"

Using rubber gloves, I made a few and posted them to the mayor, the editor of the newspaper, the head of City Council, and to Corretta Scott King.

It made the papers. Best part: Referring to the Councilwoman's "obscene body part contest."

She had to issue several denials.

That's QUITE a story, r25.

R28, rest assured that R27 is no hero. There were kids involved in that scheme. It's just not cool to traumatize kids.

Look to R30 for your model.

This isn’t a revenge story just a comment on my work environment.

Anytime anyone quits they have to submit to a “exit interview“ before they can pick up their last check.

75% of the exit interview consists of HR, and on rare occasions the owners, asking you if the reason you are leaving is because of poor middle-management.

In the company’s 40 year history many good employees have left the company because of supervisors/department heads.

R27 What goes around comes around! Beware of Karma!

More revenge stories, please.

I don't like to think about it. Revenge is not really a good feeling.

Boyfriend dumped me on my birthday via text. Unbeknownst to me he was sleeping with everyone in town. I was beyond shattered. I drank and cried myself to sleep for a month, stopped eating, it was serious. Friends and family pulled me through. I didn't think of sex for three months i was that distraught.

I go on Grindr one night cause I'm lonely/horny/bored. There's a guy nearby who says hi. He seems nice (he is), he tells me he is waiting to see his boyfriend after he (the boyfriend) finishes work and that he's just looking for friends and chats (which was true). During our conversation he tells me he lives an hour away and that his boyfriend lives near me and works nights and that he (the boyfriend) is British.

My ex was British, and worked nights. My interest is piqued. I ask general questions to decipher whether the British boyfriend is my cunt of an ex. He is. As the guy is on Grindr i ask whether they have an open relationship or not. They don't, he's just genuinely on there for friendship and chats. I never reveal who I am and the guy tells me he has to go as cuntface has finished work and that they are going back to cuntfaces' to fuck and stay the night, I wish him luck.

A little over an hour later the guy messages me again to chat. He is 50km away. I ask why. He says cuntface was tired after work and wasn't in the mood for sex so each went to their own respective homes alone. Just as he is telling me this cuntface's profile pops up on screen.

I quickly delete my profile photos to obtain anonymity. It's two in the morning. There's only 3 guys online in a 20km radius. Cuntface's profile shifts next to one of the guys who's online. Twenty minutes later he returns home and goes offline. I ask the guy i think he's hooked up with if that is the case. It is.

All the while i am talking to cuntface's boyfriend 50km away and he's telling me how beautiful and wonderful cuntface is, I can't help myself. I screenshot cuntface's profile and ask if that's his boyfriend and if he's sure he's gone to bed. He's not and now he's concerned. I screenshot my convo with the guy cuntface has just hooked up with and send it to the boyfriend.

The poor bastard is distraught and angry. He rings cuntface and tells him to drive the 50km to his place immediately as they need to talk. So at 3 in the morning cuntface rushes to the boyfriends. Boyfriend confronts him, cuntface admits it, bf gives him an epic dressing down, dumps him and cuntface drives off into the night balling his eyes out.

Finally I reveal who I am and tell the cuntface's now ex boyfriend everything about the bastard.

However I actually gained no pleasure out of it at all and some part of me regrets it. I do feel bad. It was spiteful. I took the opportunity when it was offered, I didn't necessarily look for it. It actually made me feel worse, so i don't think I'd do it again.

^ I like that story, though. I'm wondering, do you think you would have felt better if you'd remained anonymous?

r38 i felt so bad for the boyfriend i felt i had to reveal myself and comfort the poor guy, He actually thanked me as they had only just became an item and he appreciated knowing what he was like before it got too serious. Part of me also wanted it to get back to my ex that it was me who had done it, i.e. you hurt me, i caught you in a lie, how dare you, you deserve it! I still feel bad, i shouldn't, but it's not in my nature to be nasty.

Love R30 and R37!

When I was young I was dating a guy who fucked me over real bad. He was cheating, I found out by way of him giving me an STI. He had been living with his conservative parents but moved out shortly after our split. He wasn't out to them.

I went on a government sexual health initiative website and copied their mast head and a spiel about supporting young people with STI's and drafted a letter about his recent infection and how he was in an at risk group (gay). I also got pamphlets and information from an STI clinic about homosexuality and HIV/AIDS.

He and his father had the same name. I posted the letter and info, to his parents house knowing that his father would open it as he was the head of the household and my ex was no longer living there.

Karma's a bitch.

When I was a freshman in college, I got hit on by one of the professors in my major. I was only 17 and this was dizzying. What hash it made of my first semester of college when I was soon caught up in what I idiotically thought was a grand love affair. Right after the Thanksgiving break, he dumped me. Of course.

That fucked with my head bigly, and just as final exams were to begin, too. It was all a huge mess and my only role in it was being 17 and clueless. However, after exams and before Christmas Day, I bought him a gift, had it beautifully gift wrapped and went to his home and gave it to him. I asked him to accept it in the spirit in which it was given. Inside was a white robe, a can of gasoline and a box of matches.

Well, we were both in the Drama department. And he had it coming.

My revenge was not to be complete. He did not use his gift, at least not as I had intended it be used.

r42, that's not revenge, that's lame. But you were just 17.

I once worked with a homophobic asshole who tried to get me fired for being gay.

So I went to the Farmers Market one night and bought about ten buffalo carp, the biggest cheapest fish they sold.

I returned to the office at midnight, climbed up on his desk in his office and removed one of the panels from the drop ceiling.

I then started slinging the fish into the ceiling. A few dropped into the interstitial space between the walls.

After several days, he found it rather unpleasant to work in his office. But couldn't figure out why it smelled so bad, as he couldn't see anything rotting.

After a month, the management company was brought in and they discovered what the problem was. But they didn't find the fish between the walls.

I don’t think revenge is helpful. It makes you look petty and immature. Walk away and don’t give the person who wronged you a second thought. They are not thinking about you.

R45 Whatever works for you.

But I got satisfaction and laughs from it.

I was seeing a married guy for a while having no idea he was in fact married . And "straight" . One day we were going somewhere in his van and he stopped at a store to buy some beer and I found his checkbook in the glove compartment with his and his wifes name on it . Well, the dick was very good so I decided to play it quiet and we continued for a few more weeks until one morning I go to pee and it burns. He was the ONLY man I had slept with in 4 months so I know damn well it was him . I went to the clinic,had the issue taken care of,and gave his name ,address and phone number to the clinic to notify him. A couple of years later a friend just happened to get a job where the guy worked (he had a very unusual last name so I know it was him) and he heard that the wife divorced his ass and took everything he had . I know he didnt fight her though he was a cheap bastard because she knew his little secret. In retrospect I wish I hadnt done that,but she may very well had gotten something worse than clap from him eventually.

Now mind you, I was only 15. We had a very snobby neighbor, a very middle class neighborhood, they had the nicest house. In the neighborhood of nice and friendly people, who talked to each other routinely, helped each other with chores, transporting kids, occasional BBQ's etc. these people were the odd ones out - they did none of these things and were a general pain in the ass, constantly complaining, and just were, well downright cunts. The last straw was when I was doing some yard work and my mom handed my some of their mail we mistakenly got and asked me to run it over to them. I walked up to their front door, but didn't see a mailbox or even a slot in the door, so rang the doorbell. Granted, I was very sweaty and grubby - but she opened the door and said back door please, then shut it in my face. I went around to the back door where she was already waiting. While I was handing her the mail, explaining it was dropped in my box, she proceeded to tell me that if i ever had any reason to come to their house to deliver mail again, to never, ever, just walk up to the front door where everyone can see me, go to the back door and ring the bell, and leave the mail on the back deck. I was so mad, i couldn't say anything. i told my mom and she said just to forget it, and next time we will just leave it for the mailman with a note (always the calm one). Later that night, my sister and I went over and put tiny little rocks in the valve step caps on all 4 tires of 2 of their cars - when re-applied, it will slowly let the air out, so in the morning they were flat. That's about it, not very exciting I know.

When I was in college, the guys across the hall put glue on my doorknob and then pressed all the hair from their hairbrushes into it. It was nasty.

So I placed an ad in the newspaper: "FOR SALE: New Mercedes Benz convertible. Moving to Europe. Must sell this week. $3,500 or best offer. [their phone number]"

Their phone did not stop ringing for many days.

Well, I used to be the most vengeful person alive. I never threw the first stone, but god help anyone who threw the first stone at me. I did the nastiest of things to people. Revenge comes from a place of pain, and not necessarily just the pain the offender has caused you, other pain you've experienced that might make you sensitive to others slights, so you overreact and the revenge far outweighs the initial hurt. That's why revenge stories are abundant on a gay website.

I've come to the conclusion that a person who is whole and has healthy self esteem and mental health doesn't seek revenge. Yes, people are cunts who hurt you unnecessarily, but revenge is very, very toxic and potentially dangerous. By all means feel hurt, feel vengeful, but never, ever act on it. It's undignified, it's childish, it's unhinged and can cause you more pain if you can't live with what you've done.

I think it's healthier to see a therapist if you have an overwhelming hatred and feeling for revenge. I've learnt this the hard way. A boyfriend hurt me terribly, was awful to me, I was so vengeful and did things I am ashamed of and regret, i came very close to taking it too far and getting myself into trouble legally. Fortunately I had the foresight to stop when I did. I still regret it years later.

Success, living well, looking good, are all good revenge, providing the person who has hurt you sees it. Silence is also great revenge. Just say and do nothing. Never, ever let them know how upset and angry you are, otherwise they win. Silence will drive people insane.

No, "revenge" is too sissy-Mary-fairy

Hiroshima and Nagasaki

revenge?! REVENGE! REVENGE! FUCKIN REVENGE!.... I don't know what you're talking about...

A smug, white frankenstein of a security guard at Target thought I stole something and accosted me at the self-checkout. I suspect it was racial profiling. I'm of mixed ancestry and I'd heard other non-white shoppers complain of similar experiences there

I reported him to the manager (who I was friendly with) and she fired his stupid ass.

He's probably a cop now.

Just read Jacobean tragedies instead. They’re all about bloody revenges, with the stage literally littered with corpses by play’s end. “The Duchess if Malfi,” “The White Devil,” “The Revenger’s Tragedy,” “Women Beware Women,” to name only a few..

My favorite final line, spoken by the Cardinal in John Ford’s “T’is Pity She’s a Whore:”

“Of such a lovely lady, with so much in Nature’s store,

Who could not say, ‘T’is pity she’s a whore.’”

“

If you're going to seek revenge, never, ever reveal yourself. And never do it immediately. If you do it immediately albeit anonymously, the person is still going to know you've done it. Wait months, even years after the fact so that no one will associate the revenge with you, then subtly put the knife in. Better to do it from afar and in a way that has no way to link it back to you. Think it out carefully.

My mother always taught me, if you're going to go through the effort of getting revenge, make it really satisfactory, and much worse than called for. I've taken the time to get big revenge several times in my life, and to this day, it still feels great thinking about what I did in return for what was done to me.

Never! Revenge is only for the petty.

In 1987 I had my first HIV test at the county health department in Scottsboro Alabama.

I was almost certain that it would be negative (it was) but I was still very nervous.

One of my friends, Bill, was a RN and he had worked at the health department before getting a job at the county hospital.

When I went for the blood draw the nurse who took my blood looked to be 50 or so and was very judgemental about the fact that I was gay. I don’t remember everything she said but I still remember she used the phrase “had you not chose this deviant lifestyle you would not be in the position you’re in now“.

She told me if my test came back positive that I was lrequired by law to give her the name of every person I’ve had sex with in my whole life.

That night I was quite distraught and I called Bill and told him what the nurse had said to me.

He said “She is full of shit. There is no law concerning disclosure of former sexual partners. She’s just being nosy so she can have some salacious gossip about you and your sexual partners”.

He said “I hope for your sake it is negative but if it should be positive tell her the only two guys you’ve ever been with are two brothers named Jeff Austin and Jason Austin”. (those aren’t pseudonyms, I am using their real names).

When I ask him why I should use those names he said “those are the names of her two grown sons from her first marriage”.

He also gave me their address (they had just gotten an apartment together in Huntsville) and gave me a physical description of both and even told me about their matching pick up trucks.

Thankfully it was negative so I didn’t have to use any of the information Bill gave me.

Had I been positive I certainly would have told that cunt I had been with both Jeff and Jason while pretending not to know they were her sons.

I do revenge! The biggest revenge! In fact, I've been told, I have the best revenge!

I worked in the kitchen of a great restaurant. The GM was a dishonest shirker who made the place toxic. One day she was caught on camera(!) stealing steaks, putting them in ner bag. She was caught red-handed. Adios, non amiga.

I wanted to enact revenge many times, in my mind, but I’d cool down and common sense prevailed. It’s not worth it. Besides, I adhere to the philosophy:

“He who seeks revenge digs two graves.”

In the 80s, a NYC temp agency sent me on a six week gig to a corporate office in Manhattan. The woman I was assigned to support was a Five Star Cunt in each and every way. After about two weeks with this bitch, I stopped in a grocery on my way to work and bought some dry yeast. For the balance of my indenture to this raging asshole, whenever she went to lunch, I sprinkled yeast onto her office chair.

I hope even a little of it found its target and did its job.

I’m actively working on it now. I am turning orange Donald Trump and his Republican Red States VERY corona.

You guys scare me.

While home from my freshman year of college, I threw caltrops in the driveway of a guy who bullied me as a kid.

No idea if he got a flat.

Caltrops! Oh, R67, I like the way you think.

Yes

Dan Broderick want me dead for years! I may be in prison, but I’m alive.

R68 Yeah, I did it right before I returned to school, because I decided to do it months earlier and wanted to be out of town when he realized it.

Though, I'll never know for sure if he got a flat, but caltrops are supposed to be pretty effective, and I threw three in his driveway.

Yes, but it backfired.

More revenge, please.

Yes. The both of them are dead.

And I got away with it.

I only have to THINK "Charley Horse," and revenge is mine.

I am friends with several exes and have good benign feelings about them, or better. However this is one who was deplorable, beyond the pale, bordering on criminal and certainly immoral, in our last 6 months together. I've never been able to forgive him and I would have liked to. I know forgiveness is for yourself, most of the time. And I know people can be terrible at the end of relationships, or when their world is imploding. I had ruminative thoughts of hatred and revenge for a decade. How silly to do that to myself. I've never escalated or engaged with him but we are in the same orbits. He makes my skin crawl, that I can't forgive him. It makes me angry at myself and him. I put away 10 grand in a dedicated savings account, and told myself I would use it eventually for revenge. It's still sitting there. I doubt I ever enact the revenge, but who knows.

The company I worked for in my mid-20s (the early 90s) was having legal issues. My boss, being a weak excuse for a human being, had decided to push me out the door by making my job very unpleasant... like he'd done with all the colleagues I cared about before. I'd been looking for a job, and as luck would have it, as the company "restructured" and I was about to be booted, one of my former colleagues called me with a plumb job matching my skillset at his company; I interviewed and they hired me. I bid asshole adieu by announcing I was giving him a week's notice by taking my accrued vacation time, and told him he should appreciate it that he didn't have to fire me and it would be best if he dropped the shit. He made trouble, so I called the reporter from the local paper covering the company and their lawbreaking, and gave him enough information to warrant a really good story. He wrote it, the owners and my boss' boss were indicted and the company folded about 8 months after I left.

About a decade later, I bumped into a colleague who'd stayed through nearly the end, we got to talking and asked her if they'd ever found out who gave them up. They hadn't.

I am going thru grief and anger at the moment with someone who used me and fucked me over. I am fuming and so vengeful. grrrr.

Many years ago, I was one of those dumb doormats who was always chasing after the shallow A listers, drop dead gorgeous types. It always ended in disasters of me being used and dumped. But I never sought revenge. Fast forward 40 years, I am happily married, retired, we have money, a home and a network of good friends (mostly straight). A friend threw a party and one of the people at that party was one of the assholes from 40 years ago. He was haggard, unemployed, boring and drank too much. He had nothing interesting to say to anyone, was obviously in poor health, both physically and mentally. I didn't even bother introducing myself. Life had done the revenge work for me.

No, but I'm about to

A couple of in laws. They were constantly draining my folks for money. They didn't have kids and both worked, so I figured is was a scam. They bought a practically brand new BMW at auction. . A friend and I exchanged roles for April fools and he called them about "problems with the title" and insisted they had to have it at the bank first thing Monday Morning. The guy ended up trashing the house and they were divorced within six months.

No. It’s a very self destructive activity.

the best "revenge"is to life well and forget

R82 I've never self destructed from getting revenge, On the contrary, i felt invigorated

When I was in college, I rented the second floor of an old Victorian house with two other guys. We had three bedrooms, our own eat-in kitchen, full bath, a large living room and a beautiful sun porch at the front of the house. As well, there was a finished attic and up there resided an old fully working pedal organ, lovely and ornate. The owners lived on the ground floor.

One of the guys, Liam, was easy to live with, but the other, Mark, turned out to be a piece of work, really full of himself and fond of making snarky remarks directed at me. I put up with it for a while, and then there was a news story in the local paper about someone who had found a dead mouse in a bottle of Coke.

Don't worry, no mice were harmed during the course of this story.

Mark didn't drink Coke, but he drank Pepsi, and he always kept one - just one - bottle at a time in the fridge. I went to a grocery store and bought a jar of prunes. In that jar I found one prune in particular that had a stem, and this was the one I used.

The Coke bottle had a metal top that had to be opened using a bottle opener, so very, very carefully I pried up the top. I took the pit out of the prune that had the "tail" and carefully squeezed it through the top of the bottle, then replaced the cap with great care. It looked divinely real. Sickeningly real.

Mark arrived home. I waited and waited, and finally, while we were sitting around the TV that evening, Mark announced his intention of getting his Coke. He opens the bottle, he takes a drink. He takes another drink - and then he notices something at the bottom of the bottle.

He looks closely, and then intones, in a sickly voice, "There's something in the bottle."

We look up, then we get up and go over to see. We peer at the bottle. I can barely contain myself. Mark holds the bottle up, and, almost crying, he says, "It's a mouse! I can see it's tail, and there's its little face." He looks as if he's going to burst into tears, and he's making gagging noises.

Liam, who isn't aware of what I did, grabs the bottle and peers at it. He takes it to the sink and pours out the liquid. By now it's obvious that it's a prune.

Mark looks at Liam and then he looks at me. He says, "One of you guys did this. One of you fucking evil bastards did this!!!"

We both claimed innocence, of course.

^^^And for some insane reason I keep calling Mark's Pepsi bottle a Coke bottle.

Did Liam and Mark have hot cocks? Low hangers? Furry butts?

r87 I wasn't interested enough in either of them to find out.

Next door neighbors made excessive noise between 11p-6a. Complaints to them went unheeded for months, and often elicited some pretty nasty comments.

About 2 months into the problem, their mail occasionally appeared in my mailbox because the envelope had no apt # listed. Most of it was from bail bond companies. Wrote the names down then taped the mail to their front door. Web search turned up rap sheets on two of the three occupants, mostly controlled substance, DUI, and domestic violence.

So I asked the landlord if they knew much about tenants. "Tenants?" I forwarded links to the rap sheets of other occupants, advised about the noise problem (including dogs), and dates the local police had visited their apt. "Dogs? Police???"

Turns out only one person on lease with no sublets or animals allowed. Landlord asked tenant about dogs and occupants but tenant deflected. Landlord delivered 30 day move-out notice. Told them if they didn't move they would be evicted.

They're gone. It's nice and quiet now.

I'm a writer, so the closest thing I can think of is writing a few characters who say and do things verbatim that a few assholes in my life did to me. I sometimes even give them names fairly close to their real life counterparts. It's not exactly cutting their breaks or keying their car, but I've found it very satisfying to have someone read something I've written and have them say "that one character sure was a piece of shit."

My fantasy is that one of them will get ahold of it and realize how I've turned them into a joke.

I'm just about to, yes.

LOL r64. Yeast for bread-making does not cause yeast infections. But that is too cute.

A friend betrayed me in college. I anonymously sent his gay dads the link to his craigslist hooker postings.

Ah the good old days of AOL chat rooms. I used to get revenge on people all the time on there. It was so easy to spoof other users and make it look like they were saying all sorts of offensive and insane shit in our local M4M chat room.

[quote]I've never self destructed from getting revenge, On the contrary, i felt invigorated

Yes. Done properly and with proportion and taste, revenge is the Jean Naté Apres-Bain Splash of emotions.

I saved some voicemails from my dead paternal grandmother. So when my dad says something racist and stupid, I’ll play a mean spirited audio clip in her voice through the intercom system whilst he sleeps.

Yes, I have but only once. It was very satisfying and I would do it again. The motherfucker had it coming and I hope he is miserable and dies alone in ditch!

No life did it for me. Luckily most of my enemies have been complete losers.

Decided to share a house with a coworker - employee - and my sister. Big mistake, I know. (Long story.) I went on vacation, he put the moves on my sister (to put it politely). When I got back I threw him out of the house, fired him, and he lost two weeks of pay and four weeks of vacation pay. And in those days you could tell the truth with recommendations.

He threatened us with labor issues. We threatened him with the cops.

We won.