I can't stop drinking.

Oh and let's throw in a trans too for old times sake!

OP- I can't stop eating. My weight is a new RECORD high, as of this morning I'm 267 3/4 pounds.

sober 5 1/2 years. Stopping drinking is difficult. I attend AA, although I wont do Zoom meetings during COVID.

The zoom AA meetings are interesting. You can see people from all over, not just your area.

It’s fun to contact a sober person from your past, and arrange to log into the same zoom meeting.

How much do you drink OP. Is it from morning to bedtime?

R3 Please help! I tried AA prior to the self-quarantine but didn't like it. The first twenty minutes were rote, a few minute of people reliving their drinking days, and then the Lord's Prayer, the serendipity thing, and we're done. Maybe it just wasn't the group for me, not that I'm special. Do you have any advice for those of us who are drinking -- or eating -- too much now. I feel like I'm backsliding, drinking more than I was a couple months ago, and am afraid of where this is leading me.

I've been sober for 15 years, and for the last few days I've been so miserable I've seriously been wondering if I should start again. This morning I dreamed I took the top off a bottle of whiskey and had a sip, I could taste the taste I never liked and I never taste anything in dreams, and then I woke up in horror.

I'm not going to do it, I'm not going to buy that first bottle of wine. If I did, if I did now while I'm this unhappy with the world and my own life, that would be the end of me, and I'm not ready to completely give up.

No R5. I drink a pint of vodka at night. Not every night but sometimes nightly. I don't want to though. I had been sober in AA for seven years previously. I have gone to the Zoom meetings.

R7 I know the dream you're writing about. I haven't smoked in 20 years - it was so fucking hard to quit but I did it. But then every once in a while I'd dream that I was smoking and it wad blissful! I could feel that cigarette between my lips and taste the smoke through my nose. Oh God! I was so grateful when I woke up and realized it was just a dream.

R6 Many go to inpatient rehab for 30 days to get that "break" from routine .And you get constant support from others in same predicament. If you cant do that, go to meeting 2 or three times a day for awhile EVEN if you don't like it. But as you know, you have to break the cycle somehow or another, You cant stop until you stop..(sounds like an AA slogan). When you go to meetings and someone says something relatable go up to them afterwards and tell them and ask if they can support you in the program for awhile(sponsorship). Take from AA what works and ditch the rest. Sometimes years later, aspects of the program you rejected or didn't understand begin to make sense, like for me a slogan I heard "time takes time"

Dick Van Dyke explains it all for you.

Someone may not like meetings, but they’re there because they don’t like the effects of drinking, either.

If you like being sloshed (and vomiting) more than meetings, then fine - you’ve got what you want.

Cheers!

R12, you imply that drinking or meetings are the only alternatives. They aren't.

Tell me, has anyone here tried Rational Recovery? I mean I've been sober for 15 years, but yeah, having someone to talk to about might be helpful right now.

R13 I went to RR in Chicago. I was awful.

how awful were you?

I'm sorry, IT was awful.

[quote]R13 You imply that drinking or meetings are the only alternatives. They aren't.

I was giving you an opening to push your alternative methods -

^^ (signed) R12

OP, I had a drinking problem in my 20s (mixed with coke) and I quit cold turkey. I was up to about two bottles of wine a night for years, with a break maybe once every three months. I would have a glass of wine before work (I had a shitty retail job). I was also overweight and would binge when drinking.

A few things led me to quit: a DUI, a friend who died in a DUI crash, another friend with a serious drinking problem who died of a brain tumor (maybe not related, but he was a very bad alcoholic who had been neglecting himself for years), a grandfather who died of liver cancer after decades of alcoholism, and hating the lifestyle of heavy drinking.

I found the only way I could quit was to immerse myself in other things. I became obsessive about jazz, listened to it constantly, read about it, tried to learn every last possible thing I could about it.

Not sure if this helps you (or anyone on this thread), but it worked for me.

Interestingly, though, COVID has made me want to drink more than anything else in the past ten years. (My last drink was on May 14, 2010).

[quote] R6: [R3] Please help! I tried AA prior to the self-quarantine but didn't like it. The first twenty minutes were rote, a few minute of people reliving their drinking days, and then the Lord's Prayer, the serendipity thing, and we're done. Maybe it just wasn't the group for me, not that I'm special. Do you have any advice for those of us who are drinking -- or eating -- too much now. I feel like I'm backsliding, drinking more than I was a couple months ago, and am afraid of where this is leading me.

I’m not R3, but I’ll comment. There are meetings all over. They are all different. Try a bunch, and keep trying until you find one you like. Until you find that one (or more), go to one you can tolerate. I used to go to meetings in Gay neighborhoods. They have all ditched the Lord’s Prayer and Christianity in general. You will like meetings more after you get to know the people who go to that meeting, as most meetings have a number of people who regularly go most weeks.

I have no experience with zoom meetings, but I guess that is what they are doing now.

My advice is that no one can do this for you. You have to do it, or it won’t be done. So, you must decide to do it or not. Most alcoholics have to quit, and cannot moderate. If you accept that, then recognize that quitting really means quitting - not having one now and then. It is not easy, but it does get easier as time goes by. You may be surprised to find that you can learn a lot about alcoholism, yourself, and human nature in AA; things that make staying sober much easier. You may think that life without alcohol will be insufferable, but that’s not true. It will be at first, as withdrawal can take a long time, before you adjust to being sober. But when you have, you’ll learn that you can be happy and enjoy life without alcohol. Most days, I don’t think about alcohol at all.

Psychedelics help

9 years sober here. I too had a problem with AA but there are parts of it you’re not going to get easily (or inexpensively) anywhere else. I also like having a home group and other fellows I can talk to.

Working the Steps helped me sort out the behavior underpinning the alcoholism and identifying unhealthy patterns and habits.

Try AA for 90 days and if you feel better, try another 90. That’s what worked for me.

R19 Thank you! There is no reason I can't immerse myself in some other interest. Do you think you have an addictive personality, thus your need to find another addiction (jazz)? I was addicted to cigarettes for years and managed to quit that. Then food and managed to quit that with exercise. This alcoholism is the latest addiction. Yes, I need to find a 'clean' addiction...

5 years here. Like many, I replaced my drinking with meetings. But like Jack in Fight Club, I was obsessed with observing other people. I even started going to NA meetings and CMA meetings. The whole addiction recovery process fascinated me.

A year of that and then I settled into a home group and finished the steps.

Now days, l go to a couple of meetings a month to socialize.

Do they celebrate “birthdays” where you attend? I totally disagree with that ritual.

Hi OP: I'm sure this isn't what a doctor would recommend, but replace alcohol for weed or edibles for a few weeks--just as a crutch to break your daily habit on booze. Weed isn't anywhere near as harmful as alcohol and it can help you break the alcohol habit. Then you'll have to break the weed habit, but that's easier and no where near as destructive.

I was drinking too much and attended a few meetings. It wasn't for me, and, ultimately, I was able to give up booze easily using the weed replacement trick noted in R25. But I did enjoy the camaraderie of the meetings. I met a lot of nice people. I just didn't buy into the steps and the public self-shaming. But I know a lot of people benefit from AA. I just don't think it's for everyone.

You have to acknowledge that AA was born in another kinder and very different era. As much as it’s weathered almost 100 years, I don’t think it will exist another 100 years as we know it today because people have become much more self centered, obsessive, polarized, and opinionated. Entire industries have been created around punching holes in AA’s success or finding easier workarounds.

There are parts of it that are frowned upon today or seen as too easy to abuse- or allow people to be taken advantage of. The alcoholics of yesteryear weren’t so picky or quick to sue because they didn’t have the public resources or pharmaceuticals of today’s drunks.

r25 is right on. Cannabis takes the edge off without hangovers, without guilt, and little likelihood for addiction.

[quote]R27 You have to acknowledge that AA was born in another kinder and very different era.

During segregation was “kinder”?

Simpler, maybe.

R6 I’m serious about psychedelics. Shrooms to be specific. Not often, they are impossible to take often, but they change your perception of your addictive behaviors and allow you to examine your life and intentions. It’s like 10 years of therapy in 6 hours.

AA IS BS

Oh. I used shrooms quite often in college.

But we were a different breed.

[quote]I can't stop drinking.

Please don't stop, one must be hydrated at all times, Dear.

....

There are Zoom aa meetings you can check out, OP, without turning on your camera. Listen for a while, see if you identify with what anyone is saying. Do a search for [insert your city here] Alcoholics Anonymous Zoom.

Also, the literature suggested that many of these men were not living in a kinder era. Not everybody had the means to be treated. AA was for the last chance before the door closes.

I love AA meetings on ZOOM. I’ve been able to go back to meetings far away, and reunite with friends I haven’t seen in years. I’ve been able to go to New York gay AA meetings, which I’ve always loved. I get a tad restless in quarantine sometimes, but ZOOM has been such a gift!

Went to my old noon meeting across country on ZOOM today. Saw this straight guy I once had a mild crush on sharing about how be got discouraged over the quarantine and crazy politics, and he drank again. He must have had about 20 years. Now he’s got 7 days. And he’s grateful for that!

He threw it all away, just for a quick escape, which he knew wouldn’t last. I was sitting behind him at a meeting once, and heard him share something I’ll never forget: “Life is not logical. Life is magical.”

Oh, Doug, take care of yourself. Please, please take care of yourself.

I went to AA every day for six months in conjunction with counseling and think it had a purpose and was a key to my stopping drinking for now 12 years but I did not get a sponsor or do the steps. It was a place I had to go every day and be sober for one more day. That discipline, the comradeship in the middle of the anxiety and loneliness and even the daily horror stories were a boot camp. On that level, it was a lifesaver for me. I haven’t been back but know it’s there.

R38 you thought “Life is not logical. Life is magical.” was unforgettable? Really?? I mean sweetie I think you just wanted his dick and that's okay to admit, it really is.

It could be unforgettable in a bad way. Like watching the Hindenburg fall to the earth.

My guess is he found it unforgettable that the guy was saying it. Aa does turn into a little improv contest sometimes.

Congrats R38

R7 we all have those thoughts. I just have to remember that alcohol will not make my problems any better. It will just cause new ones.

R19 great post! It is definitely helpful to take up a new hobby. You need a lot of free time to be an alcoholic... towards the end of my drinking it took me hours of drinking just to get buzzed.

I'm ready to start an AL-ANON thread because of all the people in my life who have turned into drunks over all this.

Hit bottom and work for yourselves, Misses. We have problems of our own.

^^ Yeah. “With all due respect...”

Why does the upthread guy not do zoom meetings?

I wish I could drink to excess but my body acts like it’s going to shut down if I have more than one drink.

Yesterday was my 47th day without alcohol.

It has been harder than it should be.

For me stress has never been a trigger nor is boredom.

It’s caffeine.

If I have enough caffeine to give me that anxious/jittery feeling it makes me crave alcohol.

It’s as if my brain says “enough of the stimulant, give me a depressant“

I can have no more than one cup of strong coffee a day or I absolutely climb the walls.

On my days off if I drink no coffee I get very little housework done.

If given a choice between a dirty house and extreme anxiousness and a craving for alcohol I’ll take a dirty house.

Sorry to hear about caffeine, R48.

Keep going- I'm proud of you, brother.

I hear you, r48. I went through the same thing.

I transitioned myself from regular coffee to a 50-50 blend and then to decaf.

Talk to a doctor about your lack of motivation. Sounds like you're depressed, and that can be treated. Don't wait; I did, and I regret it.

I'm sober Going on 30 years.

AA isnt for for everyone, but it has worked miracles for me.

Also grateful I don't have to stuck with only zoom meetings.

Our city has meetings socially distanced in a park.

I hope you find what works for you OP

Thanks R49

I am so sorry.

I heard black tea won’t make u as jittery as coffee

R8, a pint of vodka a day was my husband's tipple. He eventually gave it up but the damage was done.

Liver failure killed him last year.

Please get help.

A POWER GREATER THAN MYSHELF BRINGSH ME CLARITY

I PRACTISHE SHELF-LOVE

I TRUSHT A HIGHER POWER OF MY UNDERSHTANDING

It'sh all about daily affirmashionsh!

R48 Same boat here with the caffeine kicking in anxiety that I crave a glass of wine to temper. But now I use good quality sativa cannabis (in any form you choose). It makes chores like cleaning, folding laundry and watering plants quite pleasant. My house has never been as clean and organized.

I've given up drinking off and on for the past 5 years. My spouse doesn't drink much--and is super judgmental about those who do drink--so, largely, the motivation to stop drinking was so he wouldn't get pissy with me. But, then I started was drinking secretly sporadically for the first time in my life to avoid judgement, and built up a lot of resentment about it.

Anyway, in late 2019 after he discovered one of my secret binges and got super pissed, I quit again. The first three months were tough, mainly because I was pissed at my spouse, who I felt was forcing me to stop. But, then, I realized how much I enjoy not drinking.

Now, I'm 9 months without drinking and while I occasionally miss having a beer, I feel no desire to drink. So, OP, it gets easier. You just have to gut it out for the first few months. R25 is correct: weed can help take the edge off while you're weening yourself off booze.

I don't think I was an alcoholic (although the definition of that is different for everyone). But I definitely was drinking too much. While I was strictly a social drinker for most of my adult life, I started drinking to numb myself/self-medicate while taking care of my dying mom, and continued to do so after she died. So, while I wasn't physically addicted to alcohol, it had become habitual--I was counting on opening that bottle of wine after work.

So, OP, keep at it! Don't be too hard on yourself when you fall off the wagon. It will happen. Just climb back on it the next day.

OP look into The Sinclair Method - it has worked amazingly well for me. I had a real problem with forcing abstinance -it felt like punishment. I also didn't take to AA either - I didn;t like the labeling, being made to feel like something was wrong with me, and the sad sack "old-timers" there who continually blame current life problems on their "alcoholism " of 20 plus years ago. I found the meetings very depressing.

While you are looking for The Sinclair Method online, look for the Ted Talk by a woman who has had personal success with TSM - very impressive.

Few things are as demoralizing as getting loaded... again... when you intended not to, when you knew it was destructive to the person you want to be, when you see your physical, mental and emotional health diminish... because you are getting loading again in spite of the consequences.

AA, and the Twelve Step model, has helped millions of people over the decades since it was established. It may not be for everyone - many years ago I used to hear in meetings, "take what you need, and leave the rest." AA fundamentalists challenge newcomers who questions "elements" of the program... that's what's working for the fundamentalists. But if you are suffering, you may want to check out meetings... with an open mind. Open enough to be willing to try some new.

Swerving a bit - I've been clean and sober for over 25 years, a gift of Twelve Step programs and serendipity and a willingness to explore spiritual solutions. Also good friends, a loving partner, a good job, resources and therapy... and non-dairy yogurt (a placeholder for "who the fuck knows where Grace comes from"). This spring, as covid shut the world down, I also had a bad case of shingles. I tried several things for the pain... I tried CBD, and my partner (and some research on the "entourage affect") caused me to agree to add some THC to the mix. It did sorta get me high. In the last 5-6 months I've continued to use that mix.... not just for the shingles pain which has diminished.

My AA training (what I've heard in the rooms) would tell me I "lost" 25 years of sobriety, and was vulnerable to getting loaded without limits. So far, that's not been my experience. That's not what I feel and think, and I guess my point in posting this is for folks like OP (I believe his story and confession) - Twelve Step programs are not the fundamentalists that others resent... it's principles. And if you stay exactly where you are, nothing will change. If you have reservations about the religion, or orthodoxy, of AA and its derivatives - you might still go to meetings, listen, and see what it does to you. You might well embrace it all and become an AA sober nazi yourself, who knows? You may also take what you need to get to a better place, and leave the rest. You have absolutely nothing to lose to explore. It will still always be "you" who is doing the exploring , Good thoughts for you - suffering can change.

Switch to weed. You'll live longer.