Introducing Camp Datalounge!! (Caftans are optional!)

Free COVID-19 vaccines.

Just remember that I get to teach Twirling for Sissies this year!

Will there be a Potato Bar?

Cottaging. In a proper cottage.

Are you accepting 'cabin counselor' applications? I would be happy to volunteer my services.

the camp mascot better be a rescue moose!

r5 Yes, we're receiving a lot of inquiries and suggestions about our Counselors; mostly about their physical attributes. We haven't hired anyone yet, but due to the demand we've started an application and audition process, so apply now by sending us a video!

t6 We were considering a Lhassa Apso named Mitzi.

ok r8 but my emotional support (rescue) pit bull may accidentally eat that.

Big mistake. Huuuuuge mistake. Caftans should be a requirement.

I think it's essential that those of us with a great deal of experience, um, pass it on to those younger men who may not be familia with certain techniques. Camp Datalounge counselors must be very well-spoken, so a great deal of, erm, oral practice will be necessary. Each one should be skilled on the finer points. linguistically. I know some excellent exercises for the tongue and lips that produce the most marvelous effect.

Oh what I’d give to be a camp cater waiter for a large group of Fat Whores.

I want the lube concession!

Will there be lots and lots of antiquing field trips?

R11 I, too, would like to offer my experience to the camp as a counselor. Helping others. That's what it's all about. I sent my video as requested by R7 but haven't heard back yet. I tried to choose one that displayed my talents to their fullest. Keeping my fingers crossed!

I don’t understand. Are you going to bus in the Twinks? Lord knows they won’t show up on their own without inducement.

Well, according to a thread I was just reading, if the camp is in Tennessee the twinks could simply be adopted!

Could you use a Cake Cabana for your fat cam.., er, facilty?

Is there a cannabis dispensary on the grounds or do we take the junket to the nearest town? Maybe swing by a fabric store cause the the throw pillows in this cabin are repulsive.

Do the lesbians need to supply their own nut loaves and vagina capes?

When does the lanyard braiding class start? I’d like to try my hand at sling making.

Eldergays? Other older gay men?

How dare you.

Age is just a number. I'm told by every escort I hire that I look 48.

So there.

Which reminds me. Will there be a stable on site for "rides," or do we have to hire in?

I hope there is crafting!

Please make sure the "bug juice" is at least 80 proof. Because I'm gonna need it.

We have a fitness instructor

Camp Datalounge: a redundancy to end all redunancies.

"a new experiment in summertime relaxation for the older gay man" held, no doubt, at some dry-rotted former resort in the Catskills.

Heinous. You should rename it "Camp God's Waiting Room." I'm an eldergay, and I can't think of anything less appealing (or more appalling.)

This is from the new brochure!

I've dry cleaned and FDS'd my Vagina Cape!

I’m Hans, the lyric tenor from the Met, picking up some extra money working at this god forsaken place. My job is to update the timeless camp classics starting with, “Do Your Ears Hang Low”.

Do your balls hang low? Do they wobble to and fro? Can you tie 'em in a knot? Can you tie 'em in a bow? Can you throw 'em o'er your shoulder Like a continental soldier Do your balls hang low?

Does your dick stick out? Can you waggle it about? Can you flap it up and down As you fly around the town? Can you shut them up for sure When you hear an awful bore? Does your dick stick out?

Do your pubes flip-flop? Can you use them as a mop? Are they stringy at the bottom? Are they curly at the top? Can you use them for a swatter? Can you use them for a blotter? Do your pubes flip-flop?

Do your nips stand high? Do they reach up to the sky? Do they droop when they are wet? Do they stiffen when they're dry? Can you summon o'er your neighbor With a minimum of labor? Do your nips stand high?

Jazz hands!

I’m the hot camp cook. I can soigne the fuck out of the most ordinary of foods. I was asked to leave Escoffier after a dust up with a certain executive chef, the media, and my Tina addiction. I’m clean now and this was the only job I could get after the trial. I’m looking to make the cover Town & Country’s summer camp edition, show off my prison tattoos.

Put me in charge of the twink cabin!

Will this be located near Camp Podwall

I’ll be the one responsible for applying the sun cream. Shirts off, lads! x

Flaming Rum Punches on the house.

And I'll be givin' out wings.

Are snacks included or do I have to smuggle...er, I mean bring my own supply?

Will there be s'mores around the campfire?

r36 Yes, we will have a snack & accessories cabin (providing everything from cupcakes to cupcake-flavored lube), that we plan to have open for our guests; 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. This is independent of our Dining Hall, where Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner will be served, also on a 24/7 basis.

I think it only appropriate to have a soft butch sous chef in charge of the dining hall.

Caftans are NOT optional!

We're having some trouble locating a Swimming instructor who meets the physical specifications of Camp DL's target clientele. If anyone has suggestions for this position (preferably photographic), please offer them here and we'll pass them along to HR.

I have questions regarding what clothing to bring:

Will we have at least ONE dress-up dinner? I need to know so I can steam my cummerbund beforehand. And should I pack cufflinks?

Are Hammer pants considered nighttime casual?

I like my tighty-whities handwashed and gently blown dried. I will take the precaution of writing my name on the waistband so they aren't mingled with others.

Thanking you in advance for your kind attention.

Do I have to bring my own canteen?

Caftans are very impractical in the wild. They get all tangled up in bushes and trees. And it only takes are a few seconds of being occupied with untangling yourself and your trick has found another playmate at the cruising hot spots. And don't get me started with dangling earrings ...

[quote]We're having some trouble locating a Swimming instructor who meets the physical specifications of Camp DL's target clientele. If anyone has suggestions for this position (preferably photographic), please offer them here and we'll pass them along to HR.

R40 I'm available.

The camp better has a snazzy tune to wake everyone up in the morning. Like, The Trolley Song.

The kitchen staff better knows how to drain the pasta.

As an Eldergay, I prefer DataLounge Land.

The camp could make collecting hankies a sport. The one who has the most at the end of summer, or who has one of each color, wins.

r41 Yes, we'll be having a formal End of Summer Dinner & Dance the last Saturday of August where we've contracted to welcome, as our guests, campers from 3 local CYO Summer Camps in the area. To quote our brochure: "Make friends that last a lifetime (or just an evening) and dance under the stars until dawn"

r44 We were going to sign him as our Lifeguard, but two of the Camp Directors turned him down, saying they'd had him already and that he was too much of a pig, even for them.

Will there be tugs-of-war? MeetnGreets? Square dancing? I certainly hope not!!!!

10-11AM: Creative Crafting Lanyards for BDSM use.

Campers need a place to plug in CPAP machines and motorized scooter of course!

[quote]he was too much of a pig

R50 You obviously don't understand what your prospective clientele are looking for in this camp. Perhaps you should review this young man's application once again. I think campers will find him enchanting!

Our Coronavirus Welcoming Staff will be on hand for any questions you should have about healthy and safety:

Can we bring our own PRIVATE twinks?

R56 I thought I read in the contract that you can bring your own twink but you must be willing to share.

r57 Sharing is only reserved for the End of Summer event outlined in r49 .

Once we have attended to a minor legal situation, locally, we may be free to fly in to set up and run the on site sauna.

We expect the saunas at Camp DL to be very busy.

By the way, the story going around social media that our chef gets into arguments with campers over the recipes for every dish on our menu is untrue. Chef Kevin (who doubles as our onsite spiritual counselor) is very patient and understanding with everyone.

A word of advice? A nacreous layer of permacum is quite slippery when wet. Do clean up nightly.

I hope the camp will be held on the scenic Crystal Lake. And if caftans are optional, I certainly hope that earrings and turbans are mandatory.

We've had some suggestions about live entertainment at Camp DL. I've got good news and bad news.

The bad news is that Barbra Streisand's representatives haven't returned any of our calls (or emails) (or texts), but both Janet Jackson's and Madonna's have tentatively said yes; though in Madonna's case she said she'll only appear (quoting her email) "if the campers bow low when the artist comes onstage and pretend great sexual arousal at the conclusion of her performance." The DL board of directors weren't sure what to make of that last request, though some board members thought we should guarantee it anyway.

r52 I've submitted that suggestion and I've been informed that they're taking it very seriously.

I meant r62

It's called Easton Mountain.

Look it up.

r47, the Camp DL Party Bus leaves for Datalounge Land every 20 minutes.

Sadly Camp Datalounge has no smartphone connection, but - because of social distancing - Camp Datalounge has placed fire places at strategic locations around the camp that can be used for smoke signals.

So long as I can parade around in a jock strap.

It’ll be just like Burning Man, but without the dirt!

r68, in fact there's a whole line of Camp DL jock straps, dance belts and posing pouches for our athletically minded guests.

[quote]It’ll be just like Burning Man, but without the dirt!

Well, thank goodness for that!

Bad news/Good news: We weren't able to get Madonna, but we did get three of her dancers on their night off.

Also, in answer to some of your questions there will be workout facilities for our guests in case anyone wants to lose a few pounds.

Perhaps there needs to be separate Datalounge Fat Camp. (Of course we won't CALL it that!)

Not a bad idea, [R73]. We could incentivize -Say, a blowjob with the employee of your choice for every two pounds lost? And a formal fucking ceremony for those who reach their weight-loss goals? I can see it now! Drums beating, a torch-lit stage with a crowd gather around. The ceremonial removal of the caftan, revealing the new, svelte figure. Presentation of hole. Everyone watches with (mastur-)bated breath until the initial penetration is complete -Then the crowd erupts into a mass frenzy of orgy fucking.

Such a camp already exists if you peeps can't wait for the DL special to open. It's called Camp Camp.

Will there be inner tubes? There must be inner tubes!

Will Justice John Roberts be in attendance?

Weiners for everyone!

I’d like to submit a request that we only use Valrhona for the smores. Hersey sucks.

S'mores? Puh-lease. Every week a fresh 2-pound box of See's is placed in every cabin, along with champagne.

R80 - That premium level wasn’t offered to me. I got the “Hookers and Blow” package.

ROTFLMAO, [R81]!

Who the fuck put Erna in charge of arts and crafts? We are NOT doing a finger painting with feces or exfoliating with excrement workshop and that’s FINAL!!

Joel will be the water polo instructor.

Oh, boy! Watersports!

r85 Not in the saunas! We've had complaints about that.

Nothing without a gloryhole.

"Such a camp already exists if you peeps can't wait... It's called Camp Camp."

I'm sure there are severe requirements for males, in the categories of face, physique and endowment.

But you can always donate cash- amd be there in spirit!

At Camp DL, there are NO requirements for face, physique or endowment!

I am delighted to announce that for the fifth year in a row I have accepted Camp DL’s gracious invitation to be your camp swimming instructor. I look forward to welcoming you poolside with a firm handshake and a bottle of Pepsi Cola. Please remember that no matter how fast you can swim in this year’s 800 meter medley relay, I will always, ALWAYS beat you.

R35, I'll be sitting at the end of the bar, watching Nick at work. His ass looks stunning under that apron.

Can we get frozen Snickers bars and other frozen treats from the cooler outside the snack shack?

r92 Not unless you want to be exiled to Datalounge Fat Camp!

Should the spacious outdoor toilets in a public area actually include any toilets?

Make friends at Camp DL!!

Are those campers, or the Camp Support Manatees, r95?

r92 Yes. We're conducting several studies on the kinds of snacks and meals least likely to help our campers shed those few extra pounds... and we're ordering three times the quantity we planned at first. These are some hungry men!

r96 That's Julian and Marc; two of our first campers! Those thirsty men opened an antique shop in rural Mississippi a few months ago and suddenly needed to get away for the summer (business must be great!). We're proud to have them, as we are all our guests.

I’m only the assistant director, but I know how to really get things done around here. When you talk to Mr Herman about the shutters, you’ve got to charm him. Did you charm him?

^^ Also, all sailboats in at the first sign of a storm. Our insurance rates will go through the roof if there’s another drowning like that Buck kid last summer.

I'm the FREE CONDOM bowl. I bet I won't get one like.

Hey, [R101], I just gave you a second like -Just so you would be right!

I'm the clothing-optional pool and I can't believe what I'm seeing!!!

There better be open group showers, else a broad swath of us shall be madly disappointed, and we may not return next sumer!

I'll be leading the nightly campfire singalongs, which of course will be "Different Worlds (Theme From 'Angie')," "It's a Living/Making a Living" (sing the concluding line of your choice as you pivot for your LIFE), and "The Morning After (Theme from 'The Poseidon Adventure')."

r104 Don't worry. In response to the needs of our campers, we will be constructing group showers large enough for over 100 plus-size campers at any given time. The showers will be stocked with a snack bar, a wet bar and a stage where revivals of Broadway classics will be performed by our all-male staff of counselors.

Once our campers hit the bar, we expect things to get very rowdy!

I'm the 10 year old boy who will sing "I'm Still Here" at the camp talent show.

I teach leathercraft. Fuck those wallets. We're making chaps.

Is there another opening for a swim instructor? I'm great at teaching young guys how to stroke properly.

Yes. Just send a 2 hour video, demonstrating your technique (preferably on a family member), to DL Industries. We'll get back to you when we're done.

On a family member? Gee. My twin brother is the only one available. Guess he'll do it -Just to help me out.

Oh yeah and I should mention it's the lace up jock strap. In green of course.

I would like to bring my very innocent nephew. Will there be an area for innocent young nephews?

[quote]Will there be lots and lots of antiquing field trips?

Just hang around the front desk and watch the guests check in.

r113 Yes. Age restrictions apply, of course. But we trust our campers, so don't expect any intrusive ID checks.

And if your innocent young nephews can't make it (or their moms just won't listen to reason), our trained staff of innocent young poolboys are here to act as substitutes.

Will there be an on-site dog groomer?

Would like to propose Shu and Tree for on-site foofy dog grooming, r116.

Hi there - we’re the Cooper- Silverman’s. We’ve taken the end cottage for the summer. We cleared out those moth eaten junipers and replaced them with a pair of matching Shishi lions. Stop by around 4;30 for tea (wink).

Does anyone have ideas for the entertainment during our 4th of July cookout and synchronized swim party?

Hi! I’m Jason - here to kill the slutty campers. Because sluts must die

When is the caftan and earring formal dinner?

I'll bring the gallons of Bug Juice for those nights around the campfire ....spiked, of course

r119 I can get you Princess Had -a-Lei for the evenings fire dace

r88 did you LOOK at the pictures?

The monastery down the road, The Brotherhood of the Endless Wind, have offered to bring their young acolytes to lead the evening vespers. We’ve been warned (Again) that they have to be returned for sunrise services.

Camp DL is constantly asked about these complaints from the Brotherhood. Our response to the media is the same this year as it is every year:

The acolytes are always returned for sunrise services. It's just not the same sunrise for all of them.

r122 see r24

Will there be any fun events using cheese balls?

Great news! I’ve been booked to perform at the Camp DL talent show, and I am BEAUTIFUL!

Will there be hot drifters milling about at the end of summer’s Neewalloh festival?

"Will there be any fun events using cheese balls?"

Certainly not! Trump would never been invited!

Ballroom Dancing instead of the traditional Sadie Hawkins Square Dance was a little disappointing! I like my Caftan FLY UP when I twirl!!!!

I thought it was strange that there was one sleeping bag for every two campers!

The dildo-making workshop was a camp favorite! But the seminar on "Communal Showering" (which took place in the communal shower), was the best!

Will Mrs. Belle Rosen be supervising the canoe races again this year?

While dipping my toe in Lake Iwantyouinmedeeply, I heard the faint cries of one of my fellow campers, splashing and pleading for assistance! Just as I was about to grab my phone and take a picture of his imminent death (I'm no dummy. Content is queen, bitches!) I see to my left a brawny muscular GOD of a Man, wearing a red speedo, and a whistle around his neck, bounding down the beach toward the distressed camper!!! Just as he passed me, he suddenly tripped and fell face down in the ankle deep water! Knocked himself out cold! I screamed and dropped my bag of Jelly Beans!

As I contemplated what I should do, I noticed on his round muscular ass sticking out of the water, stenciled on his red speedo was the name J O E L ! What a lovely name. And that ass couldn't have been more than 18 years old! I sprung into action!!! I had taken a GAY CPR class at the local bathhouse 28 years ago, and FINALLY my life saving skills would come in useful!!!

I ripped off my Caftan and threw off my sun bonnet!!! I neatly folded up my Caftan and set it on my towel. I removed my jewelry and my anklet. I took off my fanny pack; I slipped out of my bathing costume and Jelly Sandles, and placed everything in a neat pile on the sand.

I flipped Joel over on his back, ripped off his speedo, pushed his knees to his chest and plunged my mouth into his asshole!!!! As I blew lungs full of air into ass, I could feel him stirring back to life!!! I SCREAMED TO HEAVEN, "BREATHE JOEL, BREATHE!!! As he moaned and gurgled, I could sense the life returning to Joel's body!!! (Plus, most "dead" teens don't get erections!) I checked his prostate for a pulse, and could feel his heart beating, and at that moment, I was pretty confident he was going to be okay... but just to be sure I returned to the Mouth To Ass Resuscitation! Before I knew it the Snack Bar Attendant and Activities Director were pulling me off Joel, who had a pleasant and satisfied expression on his face!

As Joel was escorted away to seek further medical attention, I got a high five from my "drowning" fellow camper, "Well played, whore. But a discreet ankle trip?" he hissed. "Really? Drowning in a knee deep lake?", I hissed back. Then we applied Coconut Sun Tan Oil to each other and shared a pineapple shaved ice!

[R136], you have captured all of DL in a single post. Well done!

R136?

I love you.

r136 That made the entire staff of Camp DL tear up. Not only your heroic rescue of our beloved Joel (who had some very complimentary things to say about you, honey, that I don't dare repeat in public!), but the good sense you showed in removing ALL of your accessories before going in the water. IN next year's brochure, your story, along with photo illustration of Joel reenacting his rescue (with a thinner man, of course...it IS a brochure, after all) will be front and center!

* do I dare hope that the Debra Messing troll has returned @r136?*

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

Goddamnit, Joel is not blonde!

Notice to all campers:

Camp DL's staff of Counselors will be on their break soon for an hour of sunbathing. We're informed that Joel is in a frisky mood today, so please bring lotion in case any of his fellow Counselors need it.

Yes he is, R142.

The REAL Joel.

r145 I think he's cute!

R69: what, no dirt. When I was younger I could dig in the dirt like nobodies business. I was a dirty boy but I cleaned up really nice.

Who's up for a "Tasteful Friends" house tour? But please keep the sneers down this time. It upsets the agents.

It’s been confirmed that Lizzy Borden’s, the axe throwing bar in town, has offered their deck for camp Tea Dance. Chop on down between 4-7 for happy hour prices.

r149 We've been in touch with Lizzie Borden's and they assure us that their deck can take on the extra weight of our plus-size campers.