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Let's be a prescription drug TV commercial !

I'm the convenient reminder that "you should not take Pallotex if you're allergic to Pallotex."

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by Anonymousreply 20906/11/2020

I’m the never ending list of side effects.

(And OP, that always irritates me. How the hell do I know if I’m allergic to it if I’ve never taken it?!)

by Anonymousreply 105/24/2020

I'm the 60's hit song they've stolen and changed the lyrics to......

One Two Three......it's easy as One Two Three......

I"m the composers who don't care that a classic is being ruined as long as I get my royalties.....

by Anonymousreply 205/24/2020

..up to and including death......….

by Anonymousreply 305/24/2020

I’m the anthropomorphized bladder.

by Anonymousreply 405/24/2020

I'm the immediate call to my doctor (as I near death) that tells me to hang up and dial 911

by Anonymousreply 505/24/2020

I'm the HIV exception to EVERYTHING

by Anonymousreply 605/24/2020

I’m the list of other diseases that "have happened" to people while taking this drug. It’s just a coincidence!

by Anonymousreply 705/24/2020

I'm the potential hazards related to taking the drug which include suicidal ideation, explosive diarrhea and some kind of syndrome that means suicidal death from explosive diarrhea.

I am read with the velocity of an auctioneer at a cattle auction but in a low murmured tone while something that sounds like an instrumental from an Enya album swells on the soundtrack to further disguise that using this drug is akin to committing suicide by explosive diarrhea.

by Anonymousreply 805/24/2020

I'm the good life, which is really what these commercials are advertising

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by Anonymousreply 905/24/2020

I'm the aging actress, shilling the product, i.e., a cure for a women-related problem.

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by Anonymousreply 1005/24/2020

I'm the easy-to-find website, e.g., "purplepill.com".

by Anonymousreply 1105/24/2020

I'm the soft, filtered glow cast over the smiling, active and self-assured people taking this drug.

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by Anonymousreply 1205/24/2020

Since the founding of this republic, great fortunes have been made in patent medicines.

by Anonymousreply 1305/24/2020

I’m the proud dad at my daughter’s wedding. Those new cancer drugs gave me 4 extra months of life so I could see this day. Each month cost Medicare 85,000 dollars. I’ll be dead in 12 days.

by Anonymousreply 1405/24/2020

R14 I love you

by Anonymousreply 1505/24/2020

I'm the 40-year old actor in a prescription drug commercial aimed at senior citizens.

-----

I'm the real senior citizen watching the commercial on TV. In my opinion, I look like the 40-year-old actor. I will ask my doctor about that pill.

by Anonymousreply 1605/24/2020

"May cause death".

by Anonymousreply 1705/24/2020

I'm a very handsome actor, about ten pounds overweight. I'm in the commercial for a new diabeetus medication.

by Anonymousreply 1805/24/2020

I’m the actor who’s dancing to “heartburn, nausea. indigestion” with a happy smile on my face.

This commercial will be my big break! I can feel it in my gut. Or maybe I just need some Pepto Bismol.

by Anonymousreply 1905/24/2020

I’m your penis, on the way to the ER because I’ve been erect for 5 hours even after you’ve cum, and I’m turning blue, like the little pill you took earlier

by Anonymousreply 2005/24/2020

I'm a black couple. He has to be bald and she has to have loose, floppy curls because afros are offputting to white viewers.

by Anonymousreply 2105/24/2020

I'm the actor who has opioid constipation that is never heard from again.

by Anonymousreply 2205/24/2020

I’m the millions of taxpayer dollars that were used to pay for the university research that went into the creation of this drug. It’s odd that all the billions in profits go to the drug company that scooped up the patent.

by Anonymousreply 2305/24/2020

I'm the prevention of most chronic disease.

The drug companies don't want you to know about me, and if you do, not to take me seriously.

by Anonymousreply 2405/24/2020

"People who drink water, or any water-based beverage of any sort, must never use this product, as it will be instantly fatal."

by Anonymousreply 2505/24/2020

I'm all the commercials for foods that make people candidates for Big Pharma products (meat, dairy and processed foods), showing in between the drug commercials.

by Anonymousreply 2605/24/2020

I'm the smooth jazz concert the woman attends at the end of the commercial to show she is no longer depressed.

by Anonymousreply 2705/24/2020

I'm the spending more time laughing with my grandchildren, because of course that is all any senior citizen could ever want.

by Anonymousreply 2805/24/2020

I'm the lawnmower that properly medicated people push/ride in odd patterns.

by Anonymousreply 2905/24/2020

I'm the sound alike names of drugs like Seresto and Xarelto.

Get them confused and you will die of heart arrhythmia but be tick free.

Same thing with Movantik and Advantix. Why?

by Anonymousreply 3005/24/2020

I'm the brightly colored 1./4 zip pullover all fathers must wear.

by Anonymousreply 3105/24/2020

I’m the stereotypical queen in the commercial for the latest PREP or HIV drug. I have a massive mound of dreads curled on top of my head, I’m seen doing some stylish dancing in a well-lit dance studio and, sometimes I may even be a purpled-lipstick-wearing tranny. Because people with HIV are NEVER farmers or lady truck drivers or middle aged white men with happy families or even retirees. Nope. Only sissy black queens, trannies or the sporadic, attractive white guy with a handsome boyfriend need these types of drugs!

by Anonymousreply 3205/24/2020

I’m all the blue and white hues

by Anonymousreply 3305/24/2020

I’m restless leg syndrome. I used to big, until the my patent expired.

by Anonymousreply 3405/24/2020

I'm all the people under 60 who tuned in to watch the breaking news story on CNN and have no idea what ailment this drug is supposed to treat

by Anonymousreply 3505/24/2020

and

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by Anonymousreply 3605/24/2020

I'm the hot DILF in the Otezla commercial.

I may have psoriasis, but you won't notice when you see my huge, fat cock.

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by Anonymousreply 3705/24/2020

[quote] I'm the good life, which is really what these commercials are advertising

Which is fascinating, because the outdoor dance in your photo looks exactly like the one in PICNIC that William Holden and Kim Novak ultimately want to FLEE from!

by Anonymousreply 3805/24/2020

I’m the dog being walked or playing fetch on the beach after my asshole owner started taking her medicine. I’m 13 years old and maybe have a year left if I’m lucky. Maybe this bitch could’ve seen a doctor a little sooner??

by Anonymousreply 3905/24/2020

I'm the personal injury lawyer, monitoring these ads for the drugs that I’ll later be filing class action lawsuits on.

by Anonymousreply 4005/24/2020

OMG R37, I’m in love with that guy!!

by Anonymousreply 4105/24/2020

My money might be frozen but I have a hot piece of ass!

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by Anonymousreply 4205/24/2020

me too R41

by Anonymousreply 4305/24/2020

I'm the conversation that happens when affluent people in major metropolitan areas watch these commercials and wonder why they would need to advertise to consumers given that it's a prescription drug and wouldn't you just ask you [INSERT SPECIALIST HERE] what they recommend?

I'm the puzzled reply "Can you imagine telling Dr. Schwartzbaumstein 'I saw some drug advertised on TV and it sounds better than the one you're prescribing. I want that one."

I'm the peals of laughter that follow as we have no idea that many less affluent Americans don't have a highly credentialed specialist they can call upon and thus need to rely on TV commercials.

by Anonymousreply 4405/24/2020

The thing is, a patient can ask their doctor of X is right for them - possibly worth the conversation.

But most of the time, the insurance company isn't super gung ho about covering a newer medication. Unless your doctor can give you 90 days of samples, or your plan will approve if a physician insists, then most are shit out of luck and have to take the cheapest thing.

by Anonymousreply 4505/24/2020

I’m Wilford and I just wanted to thank the above poster for this:

[quote]new diabeetus medication.

I’m remembered and pleased about that. You just can’t see the smile under my mustache.

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by Anonymousreply 4605/24/2020

I’m the ordinary people enacting their mundane lives and waiting on the sweet release of death while the voiceover lists the many contraindications and risks associated with this drug that probably won’t do much of anything anyway.

by Anonymousreply 4705/24/2020

I’m the disgusting dry flaky mound of skin being left behind on sheets and sofas, picnic blankets and office chairs. I’m more noticed than my human host likes to think I am. Nobody at the office will eat lunch in the break room anymore after I’ve been seen all over the counter tops and the tables. I’m found all the fuck over the place like fleshy dust bunnies. You’d think my person would carry around a dust-vac but she’s so stupid she thinks wearing a sweater and pushing me off onto the floor does the trick. But I’m still here, a little bacterial surprise hiding on everything.

by Anonymousreply 4805/24/2020

I’m the pregnant woman who should not be taking XXX.

by Anonymousreply 4905/24/2020

I'm tai chi

The multiculti Olds are always happily practicing me in the park now that they're properly medicated

by Anonymousreply 5005/24/2020

I'm a labrador retriever. My hair is clean and can flow in the wind if I'm outside. I can associate with young and old; men and women; people of all races, religions, and creeds. I can appear on a commercial for just about any new prescription drug on the market. Call me.

by Anonymousreply 5105/24/2020

We're CNN, MSNBC and FOXNews

We know these are pretty much the only advertisers who will pay big bucks to reach our increasingly more geriatric audiences, especially during the day.

We'd be broke without them.

by Anonymousreply 5205/24/2020

I'm the suburban wife and mom looking forlornly at the reminders of my once-active lifestyle that are now stashed away in the garage, no longer used because fibromyalgia has made me so tender to the touch. If only there were a prescription drug that could help me enjoy life once again.

by Anonymousreply 5305/24/2020

I’m Jill. My heart failure is so bad that only two red blood cells get pumped per minute. But now I’m traipsing through Europe thanks to Entresto.

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by Anonymousreply 5405/24/2020

I'm the Deplorable who really and truly believes that a vaccine means getting implanted with a chip from Bill Gates, but I'll shovel down any shit my doctor tells me to take unquestioningly, because I am dummer than a pile of shit with rocks mixed in.

by Anonymousreply 5505/24/2020

[quote] dummer

Let me "Oh, dear" myself!

by Anonymousreply 5605/24/2020

We're the list of tame, pet doctors in your area who will gladly prescribe this new drug to who the fuck ever asks. Don't worry, the drug companies will put us in touch with you.

We have a lot of debt from med school and also some of us prescribe opiates a little more often than is good for us.

by Anonymousreply 5705/24/2020

I'm the pens, notepads, and coffee cups emblazoned with the name of the new drug. I.e., I am pharmaceutical swag. I'm ready for sales reps to hand out as soon as the new drug is available.

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by Anonymousreply 5805/24/2020

I’m the offer to help pay for your prescriptions if you can’t afford them.

I’m an outright lie.

by Anonymousreply 5905/24/2020

[quote] I’m the offer to help pay for your prescriptions if you can’t afford them. I’m an outright lie.

Testify, sister!

That shit never, ever helps. They always find some loophole as to why it isn't for YOU.

by Anonymousreply 6005/24/2020

R55 = Thread killer

by Anonymousreply 6105/24/2020

R55 = Thread killer.

by Anonymousreply 6205/24/2020

Let the church say ‘amen.,’ r60!

by Anonymousreply 6305/24/2020

I'm suburbia. I feature prominently in these ads.

by Anonymousreply 6405/24/2020

Im LaTuna. Im for depressed, post menopausal woman with belly fat

by Anonymousreply 6505/24/2020

Im Karen and I take LaTuna

by Anonymousreply 6605/24/2020

R61 R62 a bitch posting the same dumb comment twice will kill a thread too.

by Anonymousreply 6705/24/2020

I’m LaDeia. And there’s more to me than living with HIV.

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by Anonymousreply 6805/24/2020

I'm slow motion.

by Anonymousreply 6905/24/2020

I'm 1997, when the FDA said this was okay.

by Anonymousreply 7005/24/2020

[quote] And there’s more to me than living with HIV.

Yeah, we see.

You’re not exactly svelte.

by Anonymousreply 7105/24/2020

We are the multicultural gays and trannies who are dancing with joy due to Truvada.

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by Anonymousreply 7205/24/2020

I am the plain looking red head who is in every fucking commercial.

by Anonymousreply 7305/24/2020

I’m Paragard, and I’m the best fucking IUD musical EVUH.

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by Anonymousreply 7405/24/2020

The perpetually medicated Trin Miller, r73.

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by Anonymousreply 7505/25/2020

I'm Martin Sheen.

by Anonymousreply 7605/25/2020

[quote] I’m the pregnant woman who should not be taking XXX.

I'm the woman "who may become pregnant." I also should not be taking it.

by Anonymousreply 7705/25/2020

I'm Cyndi Lauper. See me!

by Anonymousreply 7805/25/2020

I'm a region where certain fungal infections are common. Don't take the drug if you've visited me.

by Anonymousreply 7905/25/2020

I’m the little girl of the bipolar depression chick. Why won’t you pay attention to me?

by Anonymousreply 8005/25/2020

I'm the only discharge.

by Anonymousreply 8105/25/2020

I am the class action lawsuit waiting to be launched to against you for misleading the patients in the last 5~10 years.

by Anonymousreply 8205/25/2020

I'm the foreigner, on a first visit to the US, who turns on the TV and ends up in hysterics after watching one of these adverts. First of all, they're about 2 minutes long (with the entire ad break itself being longer than the actual segments of show it is shown between), then the first minute of the advert being full of happy people bouncing around with joy at their new life, only to be followed by a second minute listing all the horrific side effects they may suffer afterwards.

This literally was I and my friend on our first trip to New York. We'd never seen anything like it! Television is just advertisments with the occasional bit of drama or comedy shown in between.

by Anonymousreply 8305/25/2020

I'm the wind-up doll in the Pristiq commercials.

Of course, I am female.

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by Anonymousreply 8405/25/2020

I'm the queen in the Toujeo commercial.

Even 90 year old ladies know I'm gay, gay, gay.

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by Anonymousreply 8505/25/2020

I'm the side effects that are worse than what you had to begin with.

by Anonymousreply 8605/25/2020

I'm the glamorous, exciting life promised by Truvada, a life with lots lots of friends, a great career, a beautifully furnished home, a devoted spouse and no money worries. See LaDeia and the Dancing Queens in the posts above.

The sad truth is, I'm used mostly by $25 a pop trannie hookers and shop bottoms. My costs are usually covered by Medicare and Medicaid. Private insurance covers my cost but most of my users don't have private insurance.

by Anonymousreply 8705/25/2020

I'm the lack of drugs targeted at Lesbians.

by Anonymousreply 8805/25/2020

I am "red restless nostril" syndrome and I am treated effectively by Brezeevex. My commercial uses lots stock footage b/c Breezevex was rushed out. The FDA ink is barely dry.

Although unknown 5 years ago, I emerged as a side effect of long-term use of Necessada, a lifestyle drug with a 40% market penetration in the 50+ age group. Breezevex has its own long-term use side effects that will emerge in another 5 years.

by Anonymousreply 8905/25/2020

I'm the risk of tardive dyskinesia.

by Anonymousreply 9005/25/2020

I am the advertising guy who named Aciphex.....I am no longer employed.

by Anonymousreply 9105/25/2020

I'm the fact that DLers seem to be very very familiar with these commercials.

by Anonymousreply 9205/25/2020

That's her, r75. And she can't make a dog grooming appointment over the internet either. I wonder what drug she takes for that?

r73

by Anonymousreply 9305/25/2020

[quote] This literally was I and my friend on our first trip to New York.

Oh, dear!

by Anonymousreply 9405/25/2020

I'm the rash on your taint...er..perineum.

by Anonymousreply 9505/25/2020

I'm the roller coaster in the bipolar bitch drug ads.

I've made people barf just by seeing me on TV.

by Anonymousreply 9605/25/2020

I'm the third-rate actress pretending to be a lawyer in a late-night commercial for a seedy law firm urging you to join a class-action lawsuit against what was once considered a wonder drug but that has since been linked to cancer.

by Anonymousreply 9705/25/2020

Drug X can help your ailment....may cause heart attack, stroke, blindness, suicidal thoughts or actions, psychosis, dementia and certain types of cancer...

Take drug X for a brand new you!!🎶😘

by Anonymousreply 9805/25/2020

I'm the 🚺 being shunned by my friends because apparently I can't stop shitting. Humira ® may help.

by Anonymousreply 9905/25/2020

Chantix!

No actor will push me so now I have to be represented by a fucking turkey!

I may help people stop smoking, but I also give them a psychotic break in the process! Yay!

by Anonymousreply 10005/25/2020

[quote]Chantix! No actor will push me so now I have to be represented by a fucking turkey!

I beg your pardon?

by Anonymousreply 10105/25/2020

I'm the highly irritating ad format in which the drug's catchphrase is stated by several actors, each saying only a part, before being pieced together at the end of the ad.

Middle-aged black woman with expensive haircut, picks up child from crib, looks into camera: "I..."

Elderly white man raking leaves, pauses, looks up: "I won't..."

Smartly dressed business women, ascending a flight of stairs: "I won't be..."

White-haired granny on tennis court pats perspiration from forehead: "I won't be defined by my arthritis."

by Anonymousreply 10205/25/2020

I'm the "candid" shots of the photo shoot taken of the actors sitting on a stool in between shots, laughing, totally recording them unknown!

by Anonymousreply 10305/25/2020

Im the 697 side effects every drug seems to have

by Anonymousreply 10405/25/2020

I am the very sad mom who get a little happier as the commercial progresses until I am very happy at the end.

by Anonymousreply 10505/25/2020

[quote]I'm the 697 side effects every drug seems to have

Including death, which doesn't seem to really qualify as a "side effect."

by Anonymousreply 10605/25/2020

Fecal Urgency!

by Anonymousreply 10705/25/2020

I'm Ray Liotta. I used to be an A-list celebrity. Now, I'm so creepy that I've been replaced by a turkey in the commercials for Chantix.

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by Anonymousreply 10805/25/2020

I'm the €14.67 the exact same drug costs in Europe.

by Anonymousreply 10905/25/2020

I must say that I do enjoy the animation of the Slow Turkeys. They are all so affluent.

by Anonymousreply 11005/25/2020

r99, I do miss the Viberzi gal who stops shitting.

by Anonymousreply 11105/25/2020

[quote] I must say that I do enjoy the animation of the Slow Turkeys.

It’s Special Need Turkeys! Or differently-abled, whatever you prefer.

by Anonymousreply 11205/25/2020

I'm the absolutely perfectly arranged bag of groceries with a baguette and carrot tops sticking out that is carried in and placed on the counter of an immaculate kitchen.

by Anonymousreply 11305/25/2020

R93, the dog grooming incident was the impetus for the breakdown which led to her hiding behind a smiley-faced paper plate for two years.

She was cured by Rexulti.

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by Anonymousreply 11405/25/2020

I'm half the posters on this thread, addicted to antidepressants.

by Anonymousreply 11505/25/2020

R114, maybe the Rexulti is what caused her advanced cancer?

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by Anonymousreply 11605/25/2020

[quote] maybe the Rexulti is what caused her advanced cancer?

Or maybe it was all of those fully loaded baked potatoes and all of that bread pudding.

by Anonymousreply 11705/25/2020

I don't remember the name of the drug, I believe it was for diabetes, but one of the side effects was death.

by Anonymousreply 11805/25/2020

I'm moderate-to-severe plaque psoriasis

by Anonymousreply 11905/25/2020

There’s never been a better time to rethink your Hep C.

by Anonymousreply 12005/25/2020

I'm the new expensive version of several other older drugs that work just as well. This new name and marketing will allow us to charge 5 times the cost of the older versions. The new marketing blitz won't let you know I'm the same old shit rebranded...in fact it will imply I'm a new, better, safer version of the old crap.

by Anonymousreply 12105/25/2020

I'm Lyrica, and I'm here to help you with your tender-to-the-touch days.

by Anonymousreply 12205/25/2020

I'm Humira, and I can seemingly treat anything -- plaque psoriasis, arthritis, ulcerative colitis, Crohn's disease. I'm the all-purpose prescription drug.

by Anonymousreply 12305/25/2020

I miss the Lunesta Luna moth.

by Anonymousreply 12405/25/2020

Oh! I'm the ad for Ozempic.

Oh! I air all the time.

Oh! I'm annoying as fuck.

by Anonymousreply 12505/25/2020

I’m Alphonso’s “CHARITY WALK” t-shirt.

Because the giant “CHARITY WALK” banner over the finish line didn’t make it clear enough.

by Anonymousreply 12605/25/2020

I am Humira for r119 I promise to clear up your psoriasis and give you a better quality of life, just a much shorter one

by Anonymousreply 12705/25/2020

These drugs are all for pixies.

Real men just walk into a joint and order a hard drink ta get drunk fast.

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by Anonymousreply 12805/25/2020

I have never understood why prescriptions are advertised on TV, it isn't like you can run to the drug store and just buy some, you have to convince a doctor to write you a prescription. Seems the money would be better spend advertising to doctors instead of patients. Companies spend all the money creating demand and it all depends on whether the doctor will prescribe it.

by Anonymousreply 12905/25/2020

Because no doctor has ever given a whiny hypochondriac something they want to shut them up.

by Anonymousreply 13005/25/2020

I'm that "Nothing is Everything" song. This crap has been spinning around in my brain for a week

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by Anonymousreply 13105/25/2020

I'm New Zealand, the only other country in the world where these commercials are allowed on television.

by Anonymousreply 13205/25/2020

The US and New Zealand are the only countries where direct-to-consumer advertising of the type seen here is fully legal. In NZ, at least, fewer than once in six people are for it but the process of replacing the old bill (which allows the industry to regulate its own advertising) keeps running into a brick wall. $hocking, I know.

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by Anonymousreply 13305/25/2020

I’m the sidewalk in the impeccably groomed country lane that the handsome elderly couple is walking down in slow motion. I don’t exist in real life.

by Anonymousreply 13405/25/2020

I'm a handful of random scrabble tiles. I'm used by the ad agency to name the new wonder drugs.

by Anonymousreply 13505/25/2020

I am the pastel colored clothes they like to wear in those types of commercials, yes we do look soothing to you, do we?

by Anonymousreply 13605/25/2020

I'm the basket of garden tools that the lady in the sun hat carries in the Elliquis commercial.

by Anonymousreply 13705/25/2020

R32 FOR THE WIN! Bravo.

by Anonymousreply 13805/25/2020

I'm pastel everything. Bright colours wound.

by Anonymousreply 13905/25/2020

I’m the embarrassing facts no one ever thought they would have to read about Adult Diapers.

Background information you should know:

A pullup is a diaper for adults that pulls on and off like regular underwear.

A brief is a brief with tabs on the side like large baby disposable diapers.

A booster pad is an additional pad put in an incontinence product that makes it much more absorbent.

The average adult bladder holds sixteen fluid ounces when full.

Most leakage happens in diapers for adults at the leg openings if it happens.

Tear-away sides on a pull-up means that it can be ripped right off.

It is recommend that you take your waist measurement at the belly button. Then check the sizing chart for the product to see what size to wear. All products in this article are unisex, used by both men and women.

by Anonymousreply 14005/25/2020

I’m the pile of unopened cameras in the corner that home gurl bought in the middle of her manic online Bipolar shopping spree.

by Anonymousreply 14105/25/2020

I’m the random closeup shot of a house pet.

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by Anonymousreply 14205/25/2020

I’m the multi-generational, multi-ethnic (except Latinos, of course!) couples spontaneously dancing to the live band at the dockside, outdoor restaurant.

The string lights over head provide a soft glow as our protagonist laughs in slow motion.

by Anonymousreply 14305/25/2020

I'm a thin, wincing white lady cradling a mug.

by Anonymousreply 14405/25/2020

I'm the bathtub in the middle of a forest.

by Anonymousreply 14505/25/2020

I am the standard corporate/Starbucks/Apple type animation of happy people and animals doing things while a list of death inducing side effects is mentioned quickly and with a lower tone.

by Anonymousreply 14605/25/2020

I'm the lyrics of the Skyrizi psoriasis medication jingle (posted at R131). Once my skin clears up, I'm going to buy some skimpy clothes and gratuitously flash my tits and ass at everyone.

by Anonymousreply 14705/25/2020

I'm the sad fact that the Chantix turkey has more of a social life than I do.

by Anonymousreply 14805/25/2020

I'm the guitarists in the Osempic commercial who appear to be slapping their fingers randomly on the guitar neck

by Anonymousreply 14905/25/2020

I'm the 20-years-younger female partner in the erectile dysfunction medication commercials.

by Anonymousreply 15005/25/2020

We are the gloves covering the hands bearing the fingers that scratched the itch caused by the Jardiance-induced yeast infection in smug Audrey’s hole.

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by Anonymousreply 15105/25/2020

I’m long bike rides, a charity walk and playing fetch with the dog. I never did these before my ailment but I will start once I get that medicine!

by Anonymousreply 15205/25/2020

I’m formerly respected actress Blythe Danner, leaving the theater when her generic acquaintance yells out to her “break a leg!”

Blythe blithely breaks the fourth wall and says “ohh I used to love to hear that! But not since I got brittle bone disease with a high risk for fracture!”

by Anonymousreply 15305/25/2020

I’m Cyndi Lauper’s psoriasis.i

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by Anonymousreply 15405/25/2020

I am your symptoms that are not being relieved by another prescription drug, so you need to combine it with a new prescription with a name that includes an 'X' that sounds like a 'Z'.

by Anonymousreply 15505/25/2020

I am the long, impossible to pronounce chemical name. No one remembers me.

by Anonymousreply 15605/25/2020

I’m gliding through a dreamscape park with happy people and children playing and the name of a patent medicine repeated and a voice saying “ask your doctor if such-and-such is right for you” without any clue as to what conditions this medicine might be prescribed for.

by Anonymousreply 15705/26/2020

I never want to see you again.

by Anonymousreply 15805/26/2020

I'm the ads for opioid-induced constipation.

The actual opiates can't be advertised on TV.

by Anonymousreply 15905/26/2020

*I'm the ads for opioid-induced constipation treatment

by Anonymousreply 16005/26/2020

R122, can you help me on those days I jerk off too much?

Um, asking for a friend.

Yeah, that’s it.

by Anonymousreply 16105/26/2020

I'm gangrene of the genitals. I'm a very rare side effect of the diabetes medication Jardience.

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by Anonymousreply 16205/26/2020

I'm the post menopausal woman who is told that this medicine will harm unborn babies.

by Anonymousreply 16305/26/2020

I’m the elderly couple in the erectile dysfunction ad

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by Anonymousreply 16405/26/2020

I’m the real elderly couple who uses the drug

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by Anonymousreply 16505/26/2020

I'm the two kids standing at the train station wondering if Daddy is going to be there or he had to take a big heaping dump and missed the train. Suddenly he appears. Now we can watch a baseball game without Daddy running to the can every five minutes.

by Anonymousreply 16605/26/2020

I am the guy in some skin rash commercial. I feel so good, me and some other rash free people are playing softball. I score the winning run. I then proceed to do a dumb victory dance while facing the losing team. Hours later my baseball bat beaten corpse is found lying in a field near the park. But my skin looks great!

by Anonymousreply 16705/26/2020

R166 I’m the cute little girl biracial with light brown skin and curly (not TOO curly) hair wondering the same thing. Then my daddy shows up and takes me to a pink cupcake shop and I’m happy again!

I’m all the rage in pharmaceutical ads. They all want me.

by Anonymousreply 16805/26/2020

I'm the cloud of brightly coloured petals that an attractive, middle-aged lady has blown towards the camera to signal that Irritable Bowel Syndrome has been vanquished.

by Anonymousreply 16905/26/2020

I am Ardrax®, I cure strong to excessive odorous genital secretions linked to the use of Brezeevex®. The latter is the only effective medication for restless red nostril syndrome associated with the long-term Necessada®, a drug that now boasts a 63% penetration in the over 50+ age group.

[bold]Necessada treats the "vague existential unease associated with age and death."[/bold] Necessada's promotional materials tell physicians to prescribe it at first the mention of the word death or any of a lengthy list synonyms. Searching for these words immediately displays Necessada "patient information" on your screen, discussion of this unease or any synonyms switches your TV content to a Necessada commercial.

Necessada® Because the best is yet to be

by Anonymousreply 17005/26/2020

We're the focus groups, linguists, and foreign language experts. We help to choose a fanciful name for this brand-new prescription pill. We like names that end in the letters "A" or "X." The foreign language experts will make sure the new made-up name has no negative meanings in foreign target markets.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 17105/27/2020

I'm the person who can't distinguish between the names of prescription drugs and the names of African-American women:

Latuda

Lunesta

Lakeesha

LaDeia

Lyrica

Linzess

by Anonymousreply 17205/27/2020

I am Irritated Bowel Syndrome...a Karen disease

by Anonymousreply 17305/27/2020

This has been a much enjoyed "Let's be" thread. I laughed a lot.

by Anonymousreply 17405/27/2020

I’m the vaguely pill shaped being waiting for Zoloft to kick in.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 17505/27/2020

Thanks r174!

I was surprised this topic hadn't been tackled by the witty bitches on DL before.

by Anonymousreply 17605/28/2020

I'm the sleep aid that is "non-habit forming"

by Anonymousreply 17705/28/2020

I'm one of the sisters who is wondering if my sister who shits herself will show up to our sisters-only trip to Chicago.

by Anonymousreply 17805/29/2020

I’m the exhaustive list of side effects and warnings that legally have to be stated. I’m played at 150% of normal cadence so I can be squeezed into a 30 or 60 second ad.

“WARNING: Flatulex is not intended for weight loss. Side effects include: fulminant diarrhea, unproductive cough, tremor, blurred vision, spontaneous combustion, dizziness, more fulminant diarrhea, and jazz hands. Tell your doctor if hands swell larger than dinner plates. May cause glaucoma, rickets, dyspepsia, dyslexia, amnesia, tardive diskinesia, heart murmur, or hair growth on palms of dinner plate sized hands. In rare cases, some people taking Flatulex report necrosis of extremities, temporary discoloration of genitalia, believing oneself is a bat, and halitosis. Do not use Flatulex if you are allergic to tryptodexebenzoblottohottomoroholavalene, Abilene, valvoline, aquateen, or pumpernickel. May contain dog blood.”

by Anonymousreply 17905/29/2020

I'm the blinding white teeth of everyone in every commercial after they take every prescription for every condition.

by Anonymousreply 18005/29/2020

I'm the slim, somewhat attractive and well dressed late 30s woman who is representative in every way of someone who takes Lyrica for fibromyalgia.

I'm also here to remind you that Lyrica is NOT an anti depressant and therefore has nothing to do with mental illness!

by Anonymousreply 18105/30/2020

I'm the financial stability that ostensibly comes from taking these drugs.

by Anonymousreply 18205/30/2020

I am Profeel®, a pharmaceutical crème used to treat the [bold]blue face rash[/bold] that is an unfortunate side effect of Ardrax®, which treats the strong to excessive odorous genital secretions linked to the use of Brezeevex®. The latter is the only effective medication for restless red nostril syndrome associated with the long-term Necessada®, a drug that now boasts a 75% penetration in the over 50+ age group.

Necessada® (The gift that keeps on giving to Big Pharma). Don't say that out loud.

by Anonymousreply 18305/30/2020

I remember some 15 years ago, the maker of Lyrica was pushing it as off label treatment for depression, without any good research backing it up. They got in trouble with the FDA and now have to make that clear in their advertising.

But of course, fibromyalgia is partly a psychosomatic disorder, and many with it have underlying psychiatric issues.

by Anonymousreply 18405/30/2020

Fibromyalgia has no diagnostic tests and its “symptoms” are all subjective and self-reported, so anyone can claim to have it and demand drugs like Lyrica. And doctors give it out freely to get these patients out of their offices. It’s a goldmine for the makers of Lyrica.

by Anonymousreply 18505/30/2020

[quote]But of course, fibromyalgia is partly a psychosomatic disorder, and many with it have underlying psychiatric issues.

We fibro warriors strongly disagree with this statement.

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by Anonymousreply 18605/30/2020

r186 I recently saw the most 2020 post ever: a woman (or trans femme? or something) I know through work was complaining her breast binder was causing her fibro to act up.

by Anonymousreply 18705/30/2020

I'm the open field used in various commercials.

Depending on the prescription, I might be used for an outdoor yoga class, OR I might be used for an outdoor smooth jazz concert, OR I might be used so that a married couple can take outdoor baths in matching bathtubs as the sun sets.

by Anonymousreply 18805/30/2020

I'm the outrageous co-pay that Good RX will never help.

by Anonymousreply 18905/30/2020

Our drug Poyzen will kill you — but there’s a remote chance that it was add a handful of extra days to your already agonizing, miserable existence.

by Anonymousreply 19005/30/2020

I'm that tired feeling.

by Anonymousreply 19105/30/2020

I'm the two bathtubs at the beach in the Cialis commercial because nothing says "My wife still won't have sex with me" like a couple sitting in separate bathtubs on the beach at a private resort.

by Anonymousreply 19205/30/2020

I'm the reoccurring burning and itching sensation from the yeast infection in the VAGASIL commercial

by Anonymousreply 19305/30/2020

We are the rejected names created by the modern day Don Draper who gets paid exorbitant sums to give the latest concoction the perfect name, one which conveys confidence, hope, and novelty. We include Genuflex (“now you too can have religious faith without doubts!”), Cacophonow (“if the voices in your head are going to speak, why not have them sing?”), Proflogo (“has bashful bladder got you down?”) , Chicanerol (“isn’t it time to let loose, to become the kid you never were?”), and Umbybrin (“it’s the 21st century: isn’t it time to say goodbye to hangovers...forever?”).

by Anonymousreply 19405/31/2020

I'm the meadow without insects, excessive heat, or humidity that hosts the picnic at the end of the commercial

by Anonymousreply 19506/03/2020

I can BE in that meadow, in heat and humidity, because my allergies are under control with Genflaxima!!

by Anonymousreply 19606/03/2020

R195 and R196, you may be the meadow, but I'm the redwood forest that senior citizens and depressed people with high cholesterol walk through in awe.

by Anonymousreply 19706/08/2020

I'm the sun that always shining.

by Anonymousreply 19806/08/2020

R195, I'm the ticks in the meadow that are kept at bay by Bravecto, available today for your dog or cat from your veterinarian.

I'll do fuck all to keep you from getting Lyme Disease, though.

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by Anonymousreply 19906/08/2020

I'm one half of a white couple, each of us sitting in our own individual, vintage clawfoot tub in the middle of a field in the middle of nowhere. We click our wine glasses together and smile at each other because apparently, this is supposed to symbolize the good life.

by Anonymousreply 20006/08/2020

I'm an outdoor, ethnically diverse dinner party, where lights are strung on trees overhead and huge bowls of salad are displayed prominently.

by Anonymousreply 20106/08/2020

I'm a volunteer in the sandlot where all the cheerful ethnically diverse local parents are building a playground, wearing hardhats and showing each other how to hold hammers. Look! It's time to sit down to lunch with all of my cheerful ethnically diverse neighbors to eat salad and smile at each other.

by Anonymousreply 20206/08/2020

R91, I remember thr first time I heard that commercial I ran to my phone to see the if the rest of DL had heard about it yet!

by Anonymousreply 20306/08/2020

I am having bottomless mimosa Sunday brunch with Orilissa!

by Anonymousreply 20406/10/2020

I'm a paycheck.

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by Anonymousreply 20506/10/2020

I'm the SNL parody of prescription drug commercials.

"May cause a condition known as sausage fingers"

by Anonymousreply 20606/10/2020

I'm the Truvada commercial, set to the tune of Annie's "Tomorrow", featuring hot guys singing one by one...

Guy #1: "I'm gonna get fucked... tomorrow..."

Guy #2: "Puer-to-ri-can in my ass, tomorrow... bare-back fun..."

Guy #3: "Just thinking about, tomorrow, cleaning out and douching for tomorrow, so there's none (sound of toilet flushing)"

(musical climax builds, scene cuts to all three guys on a beach... apparently, none of them having yet realized there are no tops present)

"Truvada, Truvada, I love ya, Truvada, you keep H-I-V a-way..."

by Anonymousreply 20706/10/2020

I’m the woman in the passenger seat of a car driving in slow motion. The top is down, so I wave my slow motion arms above my head in sheer exhilaration from ingesting Nomenstro.

by Anonymousreply 20806/11/2020

[quote] Nomenstro

She’s obviously not gay.

by Anonymousreply 20906/11/2020
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