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Let's Be Mount Everest Climbing Season

Seeing the threads about the lost climbing season, maybe we can do this as a fun replacement.

I'm HAPE - high altitude pulmonary edema - not to be confused with my relative HACE - high altitude cerebral edema. Either way, you're fucked.

by Anonymousreply 7206/15/2020

I'm the north side in China. I am completely exposed and thus a less protected yet far safer climb. I have far fewer fatalities. But fewer people climb me because China.

by Anonymousreply 105/23/2020

I'm the 150k spent to have a company get me to the top - with all the bells and whistles.

by Anonymousreply 205/23/2020

I'm Green Boots!

by Anonymousreply 305/23/2020

I'm the logjam at the Hillary Step

by Anonymousreply 405/23/2020

I'm the poop

by Anonymousreply 505/23/2020

Was it last year that the media was having a fit with the long lines of people at the apex waiting their turn to stand at the tip-top. And that wait was so long, people were dying in line, and the people behind them were stepping over the dead bodies as the line advanced?

I hope they're social distancing up there.

by Anonymousreply 605/23/2020

I'm the one who died in line.

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by Anonymousreply 705/23/2020

I'm the climber who gets to Camp 2 or 3, maybe even 4 and decides, "yeah, maybe not."

by Anonymousreply 805/23/2020

I’m Sandy Pittman’s espresso machine. If you find me, please give her a call.

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by Anonymousreply 905/23/2020

I'm the freeze-dried corpses!

by Anonymousreply 1005/23/2020

I'm Francys Arsentiev, the free-spirited woman who decided to climb without an oxygen tank. Unfortunately, I died on my descent down.

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by Anonymousreply 1105/23/2020

I'm the sherpas. We talk shit about some of the people we guide up the mountain. But, it's a living.

by Anonymousreply 1205/23/2020

I'm the harsh sun at that burns retina at the apex, but people remove their protective eyewear anyway for their insufferable photos and videos.

by Anonymousreply 1305/23/2020

I'm covid-19, you can't escape me at high altitudes, bitches!

by Anonymousreply 1405/23/2020

I'm a Sherpa who is losing income due to covid-19

by Anonymousreply 1505/23/2020

I'm the Western world. I like to take advantage of less powerful regions, while exploiting their resources.

by Anonymousreply 1605/23/2020

We're the hundreds of discarded oxygen bottles.

by Anonymousreply 1705/23/2020

I'm the crevass-filled ice fall that needs to be crossed on a rickety ladder. Good luck.

by Anonymousreply 1805/23/2020

I'm Vertical Limit! (You know, back when Chris O'Donnell really packed 'em into the movie theatre seats)

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by Anonymousreply 1905/23/2020

We're Sandy "Butterface" Pittman's nice knockers. We may or may not be natural.

We almost make up for her face. Almost.

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by Anonymousreply 2005/23/2020

I'm the unnecessary risk of lifes for ego booster

by Anonymousreply 2105/23/2020

R20 WHAT is going on in that photo?

by Anonymousreply 2205/23/2020

I'm the bitter cold. Like really bitter.

by Anonymousreply 2305/23/2020

We are the South African climbing team led by Ian Woodall.

And no, you still can’t use our fucking radio. Get your own!!

by Anonymousreply 2405/23/2020

I'm the "Closed for the Season" sign at Base Camp. See you in 2021!

by Anonymousreply 2505/24/2020

I’m the unidentified food the climbers eat.

by Anonymousreply 2605/24/2020

I'm the one wondering if climbers, especially women, use diapers instead of hanging their asses out in god knows what freeezing temps, not even so much in their tents, but on the lines. Same question for both men and women re: poop. why risk an "ass hang" it when you can crap you diapers? (And hand it off later to your Sherpa of course.)

by Anonymousreply 2705/24/2020

I'm the midlife crises! Plural!

I feul the Everest-climbing industry!

by Anonymousreply 2805/24/2020

Another important questions, I know fingers, toes, noses get frostbite. What about balls, dicks and nipples?

by Anonymousreply 2905/24/2020

I'm Andrew Irvine, companion of Msllory. They haven't found my body yet (96 years now!) but I think we call all agree I'm a hottie, right?

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by Anonymousreply 3005/24/2020

I'm the third failed attempt at reaching the peak a 60 year old wealthy man tried to add to his list of bragging rights.

by Anonymousreply 3105/24/2020

I'm the 4th.

by Anonymousreply 3205/24/2020

I'm the "Death Zone" - I rightfully sound all scary because I kill a lot of people.

by Anonymousreply 3305/24/2020

I'm Nobukazu Kuriki's one remaining finger.

Can you fucking believe it!? I somehow narrowly avoided getting frostbitten and amputated like the rest of his fingers, only to end up cremated along with the rest of this schmuck's body.

by Anonymousreply 3405/24/2020

I'm the Everest adventure whore doing a "virtual" climb on my their living room stairs to brag about on social media.

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by Anonymousreply 3505/24/2020

I'm Mount Everest, enjoying a respite from people shitting all over me.

by Anonymousreply 3605/25/2020

I'm K2, still bitter that Everest gets all the shine due to that bitch's nominal height advantage over me, even though I'm a more difficult and deadly climb. She's such an attention whore; just a whore all the way around.

by Anonymousreply 3705/25/2020

I want to know the same things as r27

by Anonymousreply 3805/25/2020

I'm the Grim Reaper. I showed up at Mt. Everest for climbing season, but the joke was on me!

I quickly realized the joke was NOT on me when I found out why no one was dying climbing Mt. Everest. My job is way too easy.

by Anonymousreply 3905/25/2020

"Another important questions, I know fingers, toes, noses get frostbite. What about balls, dicks and nipples?"

They certainly can.

by Anonymousreply 4005/25/2020

I’m a great read from The Guardian on the infamous 2019 ‘deadliest queue’.

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by Anonymousreply 4106/06/2020

I'm the atmosphere around the mountain. I'm pretty sure I'm done absorbing souls. Stop climbing the stupid fucking mountain.

by Anonymousreply 4206/06/2020

Are the poor quality of the souls a problem too, R42?

by Anonymousreply 4306/06/2020

I am K2's north side. I breathe easy because only experienced climbers can summit me and many die anyway. Plus I am located in the middle of the Karakoram Range. I am not easy to get to, even harder to climb. I'm called the Savage Mountain because one climber stated "It's a savage mountain that tries to kill you."

Look at those sheer cliffs at my summit, think the Sherpas will help you? assuming you find any in the middle on nowhere.

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by Anonymousreply 4406/07/2020

More about me...

The surveyor's mark, K2, therefore continues to be the name by which the mountain is commonly known.

The Italian climber Fosco Maraini argued in his account of the ascent of Gasherbrum IV that while the name of K2 owes its origin to chance, its clipped, impersonal nature is highly appropriate for so remote and challenging a mountain. He concluded that it was:

... just the bare bones of a name, all rock and ice and storm and abyss. It makes no attempt to sound human. It is atoms and stars. It has the nakedness of the world before the first man – or of the cindered planet after the last.

I eat the rich and stupid for breakfast. I'm on very few bucket lists.

by Anonymousreply 4506/07/2020

I’m Peach, and Beck WILL come back alive.

by Anonymousreply 4606/07/2020

I'm the dead body you kick aside on your ascent to the top!

by Anonymousreply 4706/07/2020

I'm Annapurna, and I'm entirely made of sheer cliffs and avalanche chutes!

I've killed dozens of climbers over the years, and you won't see any thrill-seeking surgeons paying to climb ME!

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by Anonymousreply 4806/07/2020

I'm surprised some of these other peaks haven't become the new snobby ego flex - essentially "Everest is over, anyone can do that; real men/women conquer K2 (or whatever other peak)."

by Anonymousreply 4906/07/2020

The other peaks are too hard, and too dangerous for the thrill-seekers with money to burn. There really aren't a lot of peaks that share Everest's combination of being world famous, the highest ever, and easy compared to the other Death Zone peaks. Try K2 or Annapurna without being one of the world's best climbers, and you don't come down alive!

Kilimanjaro is probably second to Everest, for well-to-do thrill seekers. that's just a very stiff hike, though.

by Anonymousreply 5006/07/2020

"I'm the one wondering if climbers, especially women, use diapers instead of hanging their asses out in god knows what freeezing temps, not even so much in their tents, but on the lines. Same question for both men and women re: poop. why risk an "ass hang" it when you can crap you diapers? (And hand it off later to your Sherpa of course.)"

How about Oops I Crapped My Pants

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by Anonymousreply 5106/07/2020

I'm the garbage.

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by Anonymousreply 5206/07/2020

I'm lifelong bachelor mountain climber C.K. Howard-Bury. I was on one of George Mallory's Everest expeditions. I spent decades living with my much younger "male friend" and left my estate to him when I died.

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by Anonymousreply 5306/07/2020

Mount Everest? I don't know her. I'm Olympus Mons, the second tallest mountain in the Solar System. In the year 3500, the climbing season will be all about me. Eat shit, K2.

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by Anonymousreply 5406/07/2020

LOL, R46.

by Anonymousreply 5506/07/2020

How tall are you, R54?

The Pixies wrote a song about you.

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by Anonymousreply 5606/07/2020

Almost 70,000 feet!

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by Anonymousreply 5706/07/2020

I’m a used oxygen tank tossed aside on the way up. There are hundreds of us littering Mt. Everest because extreme tourists don’t give a shit about the damage they do for a selfie.

by Anonymousreply 5806/07/2020

I'm Brian Blessed, pissing on the Japanese flag because a tentful of Japanese climbers are partying in a tent as a recently deceased body lies directly outside.

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by Anonymousreply 5906/08/2020

I'm Brian Blessed, pissing on the Japanese flag because a tentful of Japanese climbers are partying in a tent as a recently deceased body lies directly outside.

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by Anonymousreply 6006/08/2020


Olympus Mons,

You look like a popped pimple. I look like real mountain. No one is going to talk about you because you are not steep, appearing to be overgrown sand dune.

by Anonymousreply 6106/08/2020

I’m Jon Krakauer, and I’m still pissed I sold the film rights so cheaply.

by Anonymousreply 6206/08/2020

I'm freeze dried!

by Anonymousreply 6306/08/2020

I'm the pointlessness.

by Anonymousreply 6406/08/2020

I'm Rainbow Valley, named for all the colorful parkas of the corpses in me.

by Anonymousreply 6506/08/2020


by Anonymousreply 6606/08/2020

R61 And where are you, K2? Yeah, that's what I thought. You don't even have martian sherpas!!!!!

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by Anonymousreply 6706/08/2020

I'm Annapurna, avalanche queen, and K2 gurl your survival stats are higher than mine. Of course we both know 'E' is a total bottom.

by Anonymousreply 6806/08/2020

LMAO @ R68.

by Anonymousreply 6906/08/2020

I’m 92 years old, and I am on a mission to be the oldest person to summit Everest. I’ve never climbed a mountain before, but I’m already on oxygen, so it should be fine!

by Anonymousreply 7006/12/2020

I'm the hot guy who is determined to climb the mountain without oxygen. I've spent thousands and thousands of dollars and on several failed attempts. Finally I give in and just use the fucking oxygen and get to the summit. Wow, I sure did waste a lot of money trying to prove something to........

by Anonymousreply 7106/12/2020

I'm the high-end, specialty Patagonia and North Face gear that you won't find at your regular sporting goods store, and other brands of gear you've probably never heard of.

by Anonymousreply 7206/15/2020
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