Advice: New Acquaintance is Closet Racist

Ghost them. Nothing good can come from getting sucked into their orbit.

Well, either way, the friendship is doomed. If you ghost them - no more friendship. If you just make yourself unavailable - no more friendship. I'd say confront him/them. Let them know how disappointing it is. It probably won't change him, but at least he'll know he lost a potentially good friend from his/their stupidity.

Confront them.

Ghost them.

Show up for your next hangout in blackface and see how they react.

Don’t confront...too many crazies out there. It won’t likely change them. Ghost them or become Unavailable.

What kind of stuff is he sending you? Example please.

Report him to Shaun King. Send screenshots of the racist texts and memes and wait for a good old fashioned internet pile-on. He'll get the message.

Ghost.

You should have known, OP, when this was the first Judy video he sent you.

OP, you're a lesbian, aren't you?

R11 Nope. Gay man.

Ghosting just seems so 16-year-old girl. I think you could at least explain once why you don't appreciate these jokes, OP.

Confront him. It's fun. I once had a friend who was great to talk to but I keot noticing a racism which grew more and more visible the longer I knew him. When he mentioned his great greatly great great grandparents or whoever were slaveholders--but kind ones who treated slaves like family--I lost it. While I hope it came across like a Julia Sigarbaker rant that by being slave holders his great great great great grandpappy was a mother fucking asshole, my fury probably made it more svreaming queen upset with someone proclaiming Britney Spears a great takent But it was worth it to watch his view of his family crumble a bit and watch as he realized the racism he thought was perfectly fine was, indeed, not only visible but completely unacceptable. And that, so that he knew and so that his adopted children would one day know, was the night the lights went out in Gee Or Jah.

Don’t you know, OP, “Everyone’s a Little Bit Racist.”

OP, I don’t know what “mild racist stuff” means. You need to ask yourself, are you being overly sensitive? Since this is only “mild”, you may just simply state as you receive one of these that you’re uncomfortable with what appears to be the tone or direction of the email(s). He himself may cut off the relationship and that’s better for you. If he is shocked, he may not realize what he’s doing.

I say pick your battles. I’d only confront this guy if it was someone worth having a friendship with. Sometimes people don’t realize how ridiculous they are acting until someone else calls them out. I have friends who tell racist or homophobic jokes who absolutely mean nothing by it. The joke is actually funny when the person telling it is in on how absurd it is. Now, if he really believes the shit he is saying then that is a different matter.

[quote]Advice: New Acquaintance is Closet Racist

Advice: Get Better New Acquaintances

OP, this is DL. Unfortunately, "mild racism" appears to be SOP for many posters here.

Good for you for concern. I couldn't continue a friendship, even an occasional one, with a racist.

OP, it sounds like you should ghost them. But after that, mind giving me their contact info? They sound like they’re my kind of people... well, as long as they’re not Asian.

Next time they send something you consider racist, reply by asking why they find it funny. Is it because they think non-white people are (fill in the blank)? Because you do not adhere to that school of thought.

Ask all this politely but in a straightforward manner. They'll either reply or not, and you can take it from there. But I think it's good that regardless, they now know exactly where you stand. Maybe if they get pushback from enough people, they may start to reexamine some of their beliefs.

Can we have some examples of the mild racism please. It's not that we don't believe you, but there's always a chance that you're being prissy and/or attention seeking.

Considering we have some shit stirring troll running amok R22 it's a reasonable question. Whoever it is seems to be determined to bring up the white "devils" as much as possible.

[bold] The One Where We're In The Middle Of A Nationwide Lockdown And You All Believe A Post About Some Guy Having Drinks With A "Closet Racist"

Maybe it is a troll, but I've had that experience of meeting people I hit it off with, only to discover after awhile that they're racist. It's not a far-fetched scenario in and of itself.

I'm not the least bit of a troll, and not at all a priss pot. I love warped humor, etc. and if his racist-feeling (and some are blatant) were in the mix of all sorts of inappropriate humor, that would be one thing. ( I think of that show In Living Color, where they joked about every possible thing, so you'd have to be a priss pot to get offended, when everything was up for grabs). This guy's humor really is strictly racially-focused. There's no fat jokes, gay jokes, straight jokes, lez jokes, etc. I'm not overly sensitive, and for real not being a troll. It's just disheartening.

I appreciate a lot of the thoughtful posts here - weird situation for me.

this thread is almost like an Onion piece.

Just tell him that you won't go to the Mortimer Club with him.

Znornak...changed my name to sound less Jewish

You do sound like a tender prisspot, OP.

If [R26] is the OP I would ghost them or do a slow fade out. It sounds like they are pushing their racist bullshit to see if you're a "fellow traveler." If it's in the context of overall inappropriate humor with no one spared then I wouldn't have a problem with it. If your gut feeling tells you that their racists-they probably are.

How did you go out for drinks? Aren't you in lockdown?

OP, You obviously don't want to ghost him, otherwise you would have never written this post. It bothers you. R14 and R21 gave you the two best options. It seems to be a matter of comfort regarding your level of confrontation. We're in lockdown right now, though, so you seem to have actually only one option. If you are really compelled to confront him face-to-face, then you'll just have to be patient. Otherwise, it doesn't take all that much to mildly challenge him via text.

What I'm wondering is, how have you been responding to these racist texts/memes? If you haven't been replying, then surely they would have died out by now.

Punch and delete. Duh.

R31 I think you're right - OP like they're easing into it to see if you also think it's funny.

OP has yet to post an example...

send him a link to any news article about a white person abusing food stamps or public assistance.

R36 I'm not posting examples of racist jokes. As I mentioned, I have a sense of humor, I'm not a prisspot, the jokes are offensive enough and have grown in that degree since the start. But I'm not reposting stupid shit. I appreciate the rational responses here.

[Quote]Maybe it is a troll, but I've had that experience of meeting people I hit it off with, only to discover after awhile that they're racist.

Well, that's better than discovering after a while that they're black.

Just drop his ass.

Only confront him if he confronts you over ghosting him.

I'm mixed race and am often mistaken for white. When I was young, I heard all sorts of racist shit spoken "just among us whites." It got to the point where just a few buzzwords here and there let me know who I was talking to and why they weren't worth any of my time.

I wasn't put on this earth to teach racists how to be better people.

That's their problem to fix and the majority are proud of their mental deficiencies.

I don't have time for them.

Sure Jan R38

I agree with R40. Fuck that. I'm in an interracial relationship - I'm white, boyfriend's black. Once or twice over the last 10 years of us dating, someone who didn't know my partner was black said something racist. I called them out. One was not a friend, the other was a new friend - that friendship didn't last long.

Ghost, delete.

Grow up R41 you dumb fuck

You r white and are worried because another white is saying mean things about blacks? How is that injuring.you???? Racism is just noticing differences in another tribe who will kill you when resources are scarce. You r being condescending to assume blacks are not a threat and should be sponsored by you like puppy dogs. You should live in Africa for awhile to understand that racism is necessary.

I'd say don't ghost the couple, put the racist in the hot seat. Find some event or function that's going to be attended mostly by people of color, but the fact isn't obvious from the name, and invite them to attend with you and your partner. Bonus points if you have friends in all colors of the rainbow and get them in on the fun. Best case scenario, they enjoy their evening out and maybe the guy starts thinking of people with different skin tones as just people and dials the racist jokes down. Worst case scenario he makes an ass of himself where he's badly outnumbered and you never have to worry about socializing with him again.

Sadly, pushing back and telling the guy off for his racism isn’t likely to make him reconsider. Because racists don’t reconsider, they just dig in harder. Humiliating him publicly might do it, making him an object of scorn in front of a larger group of people. But 1-on-1 won’t matter. Ignore him, and when he asks why, just tell him he's a racist and you don't have time for that shit. But don't expect him to change. And you deserve better friends.