I want an indoor fountain but my god they are so tacky!

This one with meercats costs $340!

This one is called "Broken Hot Wheels meets Lincoln Logs"

Here is a dog orgy-themed fountain.

Pelican vomiting into a pot

This one makes no sense. Why would a cactus be growing in a wet area?

There are "Japanese"-style table water fountains available. Theyr'e quite nice. But if you listen at night, you'll wet the bed.

I like this one

and this one. just Google modern indoor fountain

Three birds, one cup:

Trickle trickle trickle trickle.

This one lights up at night. No thanks!

[quote]I still want one for the relaxing sound.

Why don't you just tape record the sound and play it back?

Recordings always sound tinny.

This one is called "Drooler Serenity Fountain" (for real).

This one combines my love of Jesus with my love of soothing water sounds.

Love this thread! I’m pissing myself laughing!

Cherub bukkake fountain:

Don't pee in my pool, r16.

love it lol. My grandmother loved hers. The water gets dirty and slimy very quick though

I kind of like this one with the elephant. The colors are so cheerful! According to the Amazon reviews, it's the "best value if you want a small fountain with a magic glowing ball and an elephant."

This one has a built-in jail for a goldfish in it.

And here we have Ganesh pleasuring himself behind a cascade of water.

This one might be my favorite yet.... there is a LOT going on in this fountain. It's a party every day, when you have this fountain.

All the best indoor fountains feature a little boy peeing!

All my future plans for patio fountains involve simple ceramic bowls and pebbles, but no indoor trickling. If the sound doesn't give me the urge to pee, it'll give someone else the urge to pee.

Who doesn't want a fountain with a magic glowing ball?

Inspired by r24, the fountain artiste presents us with "frog dumping a bucket of pee on little boy frog while neighbor frog looks on."

Baby bath

Fishy fountain. Those poor things don't look to happy.

Here we have an oriental Thomas Kinkade nightmare.

Make one yourself OP.

do you have a pet that lives indoors?

order one of those bubbling pet fountain thingies and enjoy the sounds. yes, they too are hideous (and near impossible to keep clean), but at least your soothing auditory sensations can be had while accomplishing something practical.

plus, it's easier to explain to visitors than fauns cavorting near a stream.

This one is pretty cool... but what is that man doing looking up the Virgin Mary's skirt???

I like the bamboo stick ones.

Cockadoodldoooooo.

r31, my cats love their drinking fountain

OP, look at Etsy for some simple, handmade fountains rather than that odious made in China crap.

Ok, r36, I will. I am worried because this one is starting to really appeal to me.

This one is actually pretty cool. It's like a water tornado.

They make an outdoor model, too.

R32 That looks like a bathtub Madonna from someone’s front yard! Here’s a more terrifying one:

This one from Etsy is cool.

These aren’t tacky, but if you’d like a non-tacky fountain they’re really nice. They come in lots of colors. There’s a 12” version, a 16” version and a large outdoor version.

Bauer Pottery is made in the LA area from the original Bauer Pottery molds. The guy that owns it now is a really nice guy who loves old California pottery designs and is trying to preserve them. He recently bought a lot of old Tiki molds from a defunct factory and is making Tiki ceramics now.

He’s having a hard time of it now due to the Coronavirus, so if anyone loves California pottery that’s lead free, have a look at the site, fountains or not. I’d hate to see him go out of business after he’s worked so hard to preserve California pottery designs.

They manufacture their own stuff, so there’s a wide range of colors and if you want a fountain, they’ll drill a hole in one of their vases or bowls or whatever you want to use. The oil jars make really pretty fountains or vases. I have a 12” blue one that’s a great vase for big flowers like lilies or sunflowers.

This lil’ guy is adorable!

This is for anyone who thinks that the cute-loving fraus are responsible for all the world's most hideous indoor fountains.

r13

Not if you record with something you didn't buy at the dollar store.

Presenting hole:

OP,, get to a major garden center in some large city near you. Or try their web site. Try there for a water fountain. The ones here are taky, horrible.

^^ [quote]This thread is dedicated to the paragons of indoor fountain tackiness.

This exquisite piece is available through Amazon Japan.

You gotta get one of these rain lamps. Very popular 50 years ago.

Tacky is as tacky wants.

Your cup can truly runneth over with this 56" tall combination Last Supper fountain and floor lamp. And its perfect for you queens that entertain on a budget, because the water pouring out of that little jug on the floor turns to wine as it flows down the steps leading to the upper room. Top that, bitches.

I love it, R52!!!

I love all these ghastly table fountains, at least, I love them at this distance. For myself, if I ever had a table fountain, which is unlikely since the cats would assume it's their water bowl, I'd get this sort of tasteful thing.

Do they all work with chocolate?

R41 Nice stuff at that website. I will definitely browse, thanks for posting.

Who likes gnomes?

I have this elegant rain lamp in my own home. From a 90s Lillian Vernon catalog.

R49--I had suburban 70s neighbors with a rain lamp similar to the one in your post. When I saw the Blessed Virgin Mary lamp it tied two great things together for me.

Awww I feel like if it makes you happy and relaxed you deserve to have one 🥰🥰

Here ya go

The Bonsai fountain isn't too bad except for the lurid poisonous brew misting forth. I love the tackiness displayed so far. Who buys that crap?

I saw a large rock fountain outdoors recently and liked it. They make smaller versions for indoors. Quite a variety available when you search.

That one is nice, r60. Sadly it looks like it's only for sale in the UK. Here's one with a homeless man washing his feet in the river.

R61 The elder in a caftan is perfection.

OP just wants a place to baptize herself the slut of Springfield.

R38, those are called vortex fountains, they have become a thing.

How about a smaller version of this?

Of COURSE Disney makes table fountains!

No home is complete without a low-quality plastic hummingbird.

Here are some actual cool minimalist ones made of concrete.

Every single one of the fountains in the link at r68 looks like a urinal or a toilet.

Order prefabricated arab one.

sadly, gifs aren't working on DL anymore. I guess they ate up bandwidth.

What you need is a fire vortex fountain! Skip to 13:00

I want that for halloween

You're tacky, OP.

R40 i like that one. Can you link the Etsy page? Please.

Here it is, r75.

I’m falling for these things.

You need this elegant garden fountain OP. Appropriate for the neighborhood you live in.

How about copper and slate?

Just turn your bidet on and gaze at it.

R79 where did you find that?

R81 At Amazon. Search copper and slate fountain.

You want tacky, try an oil rain lamp.

My neighbor's dad had one. I thought they were cute. Not anymore.

Now I'm starting to want one, but I'm torn between buying the kind of simply tasteful thing I usually like, or one of these hilarious monstrosities.

Funny thread. Thanks OP. Your commentary is brilliant. The simple modern Japanese posted upthread are the best I've seen. I wonder if indoor fountains in general are the stoner's decorative cousin to the fish tank.

R84 The blue one isn't bad. I've recently moved to California and see a lot of outdoor spaces that have whimsical colors, sculpture and lighting and it seems to work well a lot of times.

They sound like someone is pissing in your sink.

R85 That’s what I was thinking... a lot of them look like fish tank decorations crossed with parade floats.

I have one similar at home. The glass orb floats and rolls on top of the stream and puts on a nice little light show at night.

R41- that pottery looks awesome- especially the tiki mugs. Can you explain how to turn one of those vessels into a fountain? I’m a bit confused...

If I were 20 years younger, or if I had a beach house or something, I would totally get this fountain. But I have succeeded in banishing all tacky crap from my life and at this point I don't think I want to go back. I could make my own, I guess.

R89 Nothing lower than an indoor fountain shill.

I kind of like this one.

Mother of God, what's wrong with me?

How about one of our big wet balls OP?

When only the best will do...

Rain lamps were cool, it was the stupid faux statue themes they put inside that took them down. And the outer shell ugly too. But concept was cool. What a lot of people didn't know is that the rain was actually mineral oil so it would drip slow. Here is a modern day version built into a wall of someone's house. I think this guy didn't know the oil trick, so he had to double up on the wire to slow it down.

Back in the 70s, L.A.’s San Fernando Valley was infamous for 1: being the hub of the adult film industry and 2: having the world’s largest rain lamp at the Topanga Mall:

I guess I could get a holy water font. The tackiness is somewhat forgivable, because it's holy!

I remember that r97. That one used oil. They have really cool ones now that use water and computer controlled droplets. Check this one out in Japan.

Busan is actually in South Korea, but yes it is cool!

I like this one ...

This one looks like it was salvaged from Neverland Ranch:

In case anybody ever gets the idea of putting a large "real" fountain in their house, keep the REAL problem of having a large indoor body of water in mind: the water humidifies, requiring increasingly large-scale dehumidification to deal with the problem. This is why, if you fill your bathtub and leave it full with the bathroom door closed for a few days, the bathroom quickly gets "the smell" that says, "you have a large open container of water in this room".

Sometime in the 1970s, there was a builder in southwest Florida (Naples/Fort Myers/Cape Coral) who got the nutty idea of building mansions with large indoor water features (like, a 10 x 30+ foot indoor pond with waterfall between the foyer and living room, complete with bridge over the water between the two rooms). It looked really cool in advertising brochures, and was cool when you were touring the model home... but they were an absolute DISASTER in real life. After a few weeks, the whole area stank like a basement swimming pool.

There was even a class action lawsuit against the builder a few years later for failing to disclose that the fountains were actually drained every night after the model center closed, dehumidifiers were wheeled in and left running overnight, and the fountains were re-filled the next morning... precisely because if they didn't, the whole house started to smell like a dank moldy dungeon within a few days.

I think that is highly dependent on where you live R103. In California where the weather can be really dry we NEED the humidify on in our place just to keep our skin from getting itchy and everything drying out. Plus a little water wall is not the same as some giant stagnate pond with a bridge. You are supposed to add a bit of bleach or other disinfectant that water if its not moving.

Go big with the largest indoor waterfall in the world!

Oh dear god no. If I had an indoor fountain of any kind I would forever be thinking there was a plumbing leak somewhere destroying the house on a moment's notice. The mere thought of this....

Newly arrived! Peacock fountain!

Damn you R107! I clicked on that and now it will remain in my Amazon viewed items history and horrify me endlessly!

Oh hell you can build your own. Use your own lurid imagination and make a true masterpiece. You can be immersible pumps.

Yes! DIY fountain is your best option OP. Here some suggestions.

Bad link, sorry

This is in some guy's pool, but it shows what you can create at home with a little work :-)

One caveat, though, to anyone that's thinking about trying to use $10-25 servos and solenoid valves from China to build a homemade fountain like this... they absolutely can't take the beating of several hours per day of use. If this guy set it up to just run continuously for a few hours per day (say, for a pond in his front yard to impress the neighbors), it would absolutely have at least one broken valve or solenoid within a week, and would be mostly dysfunctional after a month. This is something you literally gather a crowd for, run once, and call it a night until the next time you power it up.

Another example of what can be accomplished by a DIY'er in his back yard

Newly arrived egg fountain (I like it).

I found one at a yard sale years ago that looked like a miniature version of the lions head fountains you often saw in English gardens and it was very detailed and well made but the plastic tube that went from the pump to the back of the fountain broke and it had been epoxyed into the back so I couldn't replace it so it ended up in the attic in a storage container.

How about one of these, or those?

Ok, no water coming out of peeholes, tits or assholes!

Indoor wall fountain.

Mine was kind of like that R118 only it sat on the table and the water flowed from the lions roaring mouth not a spigot.

Sideways toppled urinal being dominated by a bossy tree fountain.

I kinda like this one in spite of myself.

New concept duck fountain.

Sassy squirrel

Creepy tree with a face fountain.

Rooster using a basin as a spitoon fountain.

I've gotten to the point where I don't give a damn what people do anymore. Have a fountain, have a shitty old truck parked 24/7 in front of the house, string up party lights. Whatever. I've got bigger problems and there's not enough weed in California to get me to invite any more fucked up drama into my life..

Here is a duck attempting to pleasure itself.

I just purchased this one and it sounds delightful.

Maybe I should get one of those r128. Someone else mentioned them earlier in this thread.

I wonder if you can find a fountain made in the same style as those rain lamps from the 70s.

The only fountain in my house is husbear!

I leave this here without comment.

New this month is a laughing pervert Buddha statue fountain. It looks like he's flashing us.

R84, that would be nice on a patio/terrace. But not in your house.

OP, if you have a balcony or terrace this is the least tacky thing I could find. Not bad in a corner. Still probably not ideal for indoors.

It's time for some Christmas indoor fountains!

Here Santa poses next to a leaky fireplace.

Here is a fountain with a traditional Christmas tree and gnome.

Nude pervert exhibitionist frog fountain.

Naked baby with legs splayed, inviting second baby to join him in tub.

Our houseboy provides our indoor fountain on request.

Go wash your dust mite ridden sheets, OP

OP, you just need to find something classier, like more of a waterfall.

I like how the product picture in R128 shows the cat about to fuck that fountain up.