I'm convinced Rex Reed posts on DL now....read and weep:
“Mumbling incoherently and looking creepier than usual, Matthew McConaughey appears to be no stranger to cryogenics, thawed out in a microwave at room temperature." White Boy Rick (2018)
"Melissa McCarthy is a gimmick comedian who has devoted her short career to being obese and obnoxious with equal success." Identity Thief (2013)
"Not one scene in the entire film makes a shred of sense. If Kim Basinger still knows how to act, there is no evidence of it here." The 11th Hour (2015)
"Looking lovely and catatonic, Angelina Jolie, who now calls herself Angelina Jolie Pitt, has come up with an exercise in self-indulgence for herself and husband Brad that is so boring it defies description" By The Sea (2015)
"If there is one thing worse than a Guy Ritchie movie, it's a Guy Ritchie movie with Madonna in it." Swept Away (2002)
"A lunk-headed train wreck that looks like a tag sale in a 323 B.C. supermarket in old Peking" Alexander (2004)
"It looks like it was made for one-half of Joan Crawford's old soundstage Pepsi-Cola budget and sounds like it was written by chimpanzees" Gigantic (2009)
"The title is wrong. They should call it Spinning Into Margarine" Spinning into Butter (2009)
"Every decade produces its own bloated, undeserving, media-created curiosity. The overrated Amy Schumer is the latest" Trainwreck (2015)
"Just because Keanu Reeves stopped shaving doesn't mean he can suddently act" Siberia (2014)
"Not since The Informers, based catatonically on the idiotic Bret Easton Ellis book, has the screen unleashed a Hollywood abortion as dismal and dead-on-arrival as Shrink" Shrink (2009)
"The only thing memorable about Sex and the City 2 is the number two part, which describes it totally, if you get my drift" SATC 2 (2010)
"Lena Dunham makes a 98-minute home video seem like 98 days of hard labor." Tiny Furniture (2010)
"Quite the most appalling piece of junk I have seen lately, Hobo With a Shotgun just lies there like an autopsy." Hobo with a Shotgun (2011)
"They should have called it I Vomit With You." I Melt With You (2011)
"You start squirming early and end up feeling you desperately need a bath." The Paperboy (2012)
"Part schlockfest, part campy fairy tale, this is a movie that begs you to bring your own barf bag" Only God Forgives (2013)
"Years seem to pass between scenes. To be honest, years seem to pass during scenes" To The Wonder (2013)
"About as funny as a liver transplant" Tammy (2014)
"The film is such a James Franco ego trip that it even features a curious end credit for "Mr. Franco's scheduling coordinator." That's a new one. I'm waiting for the one that thanks "Mr. Franco's career-retirement counselor." I'll pay money to see that one." Child of God (2013)
"I consider suffering through a Terrence Malick film nothing short of waterboarding in Afghanistan." Song to Song (2017)
"A guaranteed cure for insomnia, an abomination starring Renée Zellweger's new face and Keanu Reeves, who has the charisma and animated visual appeal of a mud fence." The Whole Truth (2016)
"The filthy, disgusting script is by three people who should remain nameless, but I can hardly believe one of them is Justin Theroux, a good actor who would do the world a favor if he dropped his laptop off the top of the Chrysler Building." Rock of Ages (2012)
"He couldn't direct traffic" on Nicolas Winding Refn, Only God Forgives (2013)