Eldergay wisdom, thoughts,insight treasure trove thread

A memory bank if you like that can serve as a common resource whilst you can still remember or are still able to impart and share your experiences and reflections with others.🙂

And that's why you never make sourdough with an Italian.

Oh, wait. I haven't told you the story yet. Well, it all began in Kennebunkport, Maine even though we were living in Santa Cruz, California at the time. It was all on account of my mother's auntie being a maid for one of them Kennebunkport families--you know family compound and C.I.A. murders and such.

So Aunt Millie calls and says, "My bunions are killing me." And I say, "There is no way I'm driving up to Maine just to deliver some foot cream that you can get at any drugstore."

Next thing you know, I'm in Kansas City with a case of Dr. Elmwood's Bunion Salve in the back of my mom's station wagon along with a sailor I picked up in Union City.

Wait, what does this have to do with sourdough, anyway?

r2 Have you recovered your bearings yet r2?!😁

The 90's were our golden years. Self discovery and awakening after AIDS. Defining gay life and developing community. Everything was fresh and stigmas for first time were being diminished. It was a great decade to come of age. Now being gay seems as mundane as being straight.

What golden memories do you have from the 1990s r4? My personal feeling is that overall dating or going out on the pull was more of an adventure and voyage of exciting discovery.There was more serendipity to it than the age of gaydar and dating apps which seem great at first but take some of the raw excitement of the process and journey out of it.

Bump! Add to the treasure trove folks!

It was just a time when we had our first real sense of voice and the realization we were not the oddball kid on the playground anymore. There were entire cities full of us that were just coming together. We found each other at same time and were defining what the gay experience would become. Circuit parties, Gay Pride, Aids Fund Raising, Mainstream Drag Shows, Red Convertible BMW's ! I could go on and on, all came into prominence in the 90's. South Beach and Pensacola Memorial Day became widely acclaimed gay beach destinations. Yes, Yes, there was Fire Island before that but it was not massively accessible. The advent of prominent star DJ's at celebrations and parties. Not to mention the advent of circuit music genre. The decade was one big new adventure after another. What we liked and identified with , we kept and made our own. We forged great friendships and bonds because of the shared journey. Our new found common threads gave us reason to interact and not feel isolated because we weren't straight. We found our belonging in that decade. At least I did.

A very positive happy post r7! I enjoyed reading it. Do you feel that magic doesn't come as easily to the younger generations of a difference era?

Doesn't everyone romanticize their youth?

r9 Many not everyone. But this thread does not just gave to be about youthful memories at all and it was never intended just to be about that.

R8 I absolutely feel that magic doesn't manifest as much or as inspirationally now with younger generations. Their music is a reflection of their flat lined, uninspired and magically devoid lives. They are all so self involved and handed everything while being immersed in their phones and play stations. They don't give opportunity for what could be their magic to happen. They're too busy over reacting to incidentals, being offended and competing for the most woke trophy. They aren't as emotionally developed, life exposed or well rounded as we were at that age.

O tempora! O mores!

Good post r11

I feel paradoxically whilst having more opportunity than ever before that many younger gays are narrower in their experiences than ever before or less open. Perhaps the paradigm is a result of there being such a thing as too much choice or an abundance of choice makes things in life cheaper and more meaningless? I used to love sitting in a gay pub not knowing who might come in, who might chat me up, who might ask me to join their group. It was like an adventure element to it every time.Nowadays many wont strike up a conversation with someone they dont know and zoom out of the wider human experience in the pub by looking at the mobile phone constantly. Technology is great but you do lose something.

-I miss not being able to get on a bike without wearing a fucking helmet. A gravel driveway, a nasty fall, a couple stitches above the eye, builds character and resilience. - Never say 'yes' to every invitation, you wanna appear in demand ( even if your not) -If you fail Geometry in HS don't sweat it , you'll never use it again. -Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and one is gold. -Always lie about shit on your resume they cant fact check. -When police pull you over just do as they say. period! Don't show your ass.

Until he typed "circuit parties," r7 seemed to be describing the 1970s.

r14 Why do you recommend not to show your ass?

If they ask first, it's OK I guess. But make double sure!

The late 1980's and early 1990's were an interesting time to live through. People were sill dying of AIDS, but then around 1992 or so that started to change. That was my slutty period of course.

Although I gotta say I get more ass now that I'm older. It amazes me.

r18 What kind of experiences did you find interesting in that era?

Well I found ACT-UP interesting. Plus the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence was pretty funny. I also recalls from Nuns on the Run Sister Inviolata of the Immaculate Conception. All that from when I was finally leaving the Catholic church.

And it's also the time where I had a relationship with a well hung black guy. All my life I found out I liked Black men.

Gap In-Store Playlists 1992 to 2006!

Enjoy this treasure trove of amazing music!

#insight

I remember February 2020 as if it were yesterday.

Thank you r21!!

Out Gays used to be better than other people. Now we're just like them. Well, it had to happen. But I'm over being extra-virtuous and tolerant myself. I am not forgiving the decades of hiding closet cases. Not ever.

As a gay person, be true to yourself - to what you want. Define it, understand it, pursue it. I wouldn’t trade being gay for anything, but it took me many years to understand that it needed to be my terms, not anyone else’s.

And, paradoxically but in all honesty, while amusing, there is very little about gay life you want to say you learned from here. It’s great for rafts of other stuff, but there’s too much dark on DL.

r24 Why do you think that dynamic changed?

Bump!

I really miss how West Hollywood used to be in the '90s. After growing up in a suburban, east coast town, going to Boys Town in WeHo was a revelation. All men. Guys holding hands, kissing, doing couple things. I will never forget the feeling of being there for the first time.

It's so strange for me to go there now and have it basically be 50% female. Yes, it's a sign of progress for us, but still.

I also loved the culture that bound us together. Judy, Tennessee Williams, Broadway, Madonna (I was never a fan, but still.) There was a comradery there of a shared, painful, difficult experience that no longer exists. I felt like I KNEW why the caged bird sang. I miss all that. But, not having it is a sign of progress.

Regards the police, I've worked with enough of them over the years. Some of that has gotten me or my friends out of trouble. I've posted here before it always felt like I had a guardian angel and it wasn't until 2000's when my maternal grandfather died. He was a police officer for 20+ years. He never talked about it. He was that guardian angel.

I'm always good to cops. You never know where it may help in the future. Talk to them like humans, and mention I did 3 years at he Attorney Generals office up north. That gets heir attention.

Coming out as a gay man is a process that is unique to the individual. There is no good way to do it or a time that is best. I say it's a process because you will spend the rest of your life coming out to family, friends, co-workers, etc. Even if you're the most nelly person in the room, because some people don't get it.

My parents knew I was gay from a very young age. Surprisingly, I never came out and said I was gay because it was just understood in our family. Even when I had a boyfriend in high school. Of course, when the time was right, I had to tell some people I was gay. Generally it was when they asked if I was married or had a girlfriend.

Never lost a friend because I was gay.

It’s other people’s job to take money from you, that’s what they are there for.

That’ very cynical and it’s not everybody, but it is many people, so don’t be surprised.

r31 That's very cynical

Love is wise. Hatred is foolish.

I stole that from Bertrand Russell, but fuck it, it's about the best lesson I've learned, and it applies to the gay world, too.

There's already been repeated thread after repeated thread on this OP. Why did you find it necessary to come here and start another? Why? Why OP? Can you give us an intelligent, honest answer? Can you? Why would you come here and post this kind of shit yet AGAIN when there have already been so many prior threads on this EXACT same subject. Do you really think this is that damned interesting that it warrants another entire thread to be started? DO YOU??

Why couldn't you have done a search first OP? That would have been the polite thing to do. What you demonstrated was just plain selfishness. You have shown that you don't think about anybody but yourself. It's all about you and your own satisfaction. Next time before you post, do us all a favor and do a search. We don't need another duplicate thread just because of your laziness.

r34 Get a life

Loved the early 90s too - despite the fact that the number of AIDS deaths were hitting their peak, those of us coming out knew how it was transmitted and had testing. It felt like a mini-renaissance of the gay peak - some of the old places from the 70s we’re still around (Jays Hangout) as were some of the people. There was a confidence in the newly out thanks to the groundwork laid the prior 2 decades. Even I who grew up in a repressed Catholic environment was aware of and able to find the gay community,.

I am not an eldergay (maybe DL eldergay adj. at 39), but I turned 18 in the late 90's and grew up in LA.

The thought of sneaking out of the house to go out was so exciting and there was just this awesome sense of freedom. Even in LA, being gay as a teen was not what it is today in the 90's. I remember going to "Campus Night" (18 & Over) at Axis (since the Factory) . You could smoke inside, which I liked b/c I was being rebellious for smoking, but then you would stink when you got home. I don't miss the indoor smoking.

I remember sneaking into Probe on Highland w/ a fake ID when I was 17 that I bought on Alvarado St which was really scary at the time and making out with the hottest guys (it burned down shortly thereafter), actually excited to lie about being older than I was.

The Abbey was a little courtyard that was basically just a coffee shop and bakery. That was it. For underage twinks like I was, this was our salvation. Just sitting there drinking coffee, being around other gays was thrilling - that is the best word to describe it.

Naked pool parties in the summer through word of mouth (which Im sure still happen), being a raver boy and going to all the "underground" rave shops on Melrose, when it was more grungy and punk. I would get free day passes to the San Vicente Inn which was pretty awesome. It was like this little garden of Eden in the middle of WeHo. It got shittier as the years went on and is now an exclusive members only club, The Bungalows, but I remember hooking up, hanging by the pool all day, and then going to the old Mickeys for beer busts, KROQ nights on Mondays at Rage. We'd sneak into Skybar which was everything back in the day.

Back then, it felt easier to connect. I used to date lesbian style - meet someone on a night out, actually go on dates, and have relatively lengthy relationships. We'd all bounce from club to club together. There were cell phones, but it was for emergencies only and it just wasn't really a thing that everyone had. You had to make an effort. It did feel like you never really knew where the night was going to end. Instead of social media, there were fliers for parties and events, phone numbers that you needed to call for location addresses. There was really a sense of things being quasi-underground - the illusion of it, but I'm sure not legit underground like it was for those in the 70's/80's.

I didn't feel like my life was "QAF" or "Looking" in terms of having that huge gaggle of gays that were a surrogate family. I made some fun acquaintances, but when you are too trusting when you are young, you can get disillusioned quickly. I have not had many gay friends b/c some broke my trust early on. I've stuck with the same, small group of friends I have. It's fun to go back, but I do remember being terrified of HIV and I think that in terms of sex, it was always so nerve wracking. Education in high school was - "you fuck up, you die".

One main difference between twinks of today vs. my day was that it was all about looking hot and maybe even being "thirsty" to meet a guy in person, just out at a club or bar. All your getting ready and prep work was designed for going out and meeting people, to attract. The generation of today does the same thing, but it's for the ultimate photo or video to post - to get the likes. Social distancing started way before the social distancing that we see today. That's a bummer I think. Having someone come up to you, asking you dance, has got to feel more amazing than seeing likes on insta. But then maybe not. To this day, there is noting better than an in person "like". It feels so good.

This was a long essay, but this was fun just for me to think about reminisce. I hadn't though about it in a while. My one regret is that I let some of the nastier/bitchier queens take away my enjoyment of the scene as the years went on and renounced the gay scene by the time I was in my mid 20's. I like to go out for a drink now and then, but it's very low key and more local bar style than the wild nights. That is aging too I guess.

"Whaddya writin' a book report, Hippie?"

My only advice, is to have sex more. Don't waste opportunities looking for something better. My biggest surprises were guys I avoided, or didn't think were my "type". It's funny to look back at my younger years and think about some of the nice times I had with Mr. Wrong.

Be careful not to let being gay be all that you are. It's a part of what you are.

r40 Brilliantly put.It should not be your everything. One point that springs to mind for me is that I think it is important not to have and socialise with only gay friends especially do not just have friends who are from the gay scene.. I think narrowing your circle in that kind of way is a bad option and less fulfilling.