I Feel Very Very Lonely

tl;dr

But, now's a weird time, OP. Once this shit is over, do something totally out of the ordinary - volunteer somewhere.

There are also cool things happening with hobbyists on FB - meet some new people virtually!

You have my sympathies OP...it's something some of us, as gay men, go through. And, now with this damn quarantine, it just makes it all seem worse.

It won't last forever though. And, if people aren't reaching out to you, then reach out to some of them.

OP - we are going through a global trauma. All you can do is take one day at a time until we get past this. Everyone is feeling lonely and shut-in. However, no one knows how long this will last and what will happen economically.

Stop futuring. Just deal with each day as it comes. It's all you can do.

I relate, OP. I had just started therapy to "get back out there" — after socially isolating myself for three years after the end of a very LTR relationship which was supposed to last a lifetime — when the quarantine began.

During that LTR, friends moved away, moved on, etc. Which is natural. But now I find myself alone.

This will only last a few weeks more. I'm thinking of all the months and years when I was perfectly happy to stay inside, avoiding the world, which passed so quickly.

You are definitely not alone. We'll be on the other side before you know it, and we will get through it together.

[quote]This will only last a few weeks more.

Oh honey - you are in for a surprise!

OP, Ya know, I thought this was gonna be one of those fucked posts where the insipid OP has brought about his own issues by his unmidigated behavior . But your post is so sincere it caught me by surprise. I just moved to a new large city and I can relate! I too, am trying to make friends here without appearing to needful of companionship cause that def drives em away. Its a tight rope to walk. Especially with the current situation. I've just decided to be patient and when the time is right, to put myself out there in the right situations and circumstance. Then let whats going to happen, happen. Not forcing anything but allowing the creation of opportunity to do its magic. Focus on creating situational opportunities your at ease with and putting yourself out there.

OP, I’m sorry that you feel lonely.

I think you’re setting yourself up to feel worse, though. In the current environment, people are anxious and unsettled. They’re afraid. And somehow you’re receiving all of that as if it’s about you. I don’t think it is.

It’s the wrong time to test people’s responsiveness to you, give them a failing grade, and then blame yourself for it.

For what it’s worth, I would Skype with you right now if we knew each other.

OP - I'm in the same boat. I'm single and all my friends either have kids or are self isolating themselves. I also work in real estate so my career is royally fucked for the time being (and yea way longer I'm sure R5). I really like R3's answer. These are crazy times. I also find that all of my friends are on different levels of processing the pandemic and also what that means for their careers, the future in general. I'm in LA and have been on lockdown going on 3 weeks. Go out for that job by yourself, do some yoga, start smoking weed if you don't all ready. Get the app Nextdoor. I'm meeting neighbors, available to help out someone if they are in need and also getting intel from others on provisions like TP, masks, sanitizers. Trust, many of us are all going through it with you, even if we are in our late 30's and look 25. Today I listened to a youtube meditation to try to cum hands free.

OP I will FaceTime with you! Also if you are on FB there are a million groups to join and some of them have a lot of interaction. I’m in a fashion history group that’s really fun as well as some other ones pertaining to music and movies and birds. There are groups watching movies together. Get busy being more active online and give us updates.

[quote] But at this point in my life to not even have someone wants to see me everyday...or rather, who misses the sight of me everyday as we are all quarantined? Well that hurts.

Nobody wants to see anybody every damned day, OP. During normal times, even my friends who are married/partnered enjoy the occasional weekend (or longer) away from their partners. It's needy and unrealistic to expect that much attention from your friends.

Beyond that, as you correctly pointed out, a pandemic is not the time to meet new friends. It's also not the time to ask an old friend to go jogging and then get all pissy and whiny because he used the little ol' coronavirus as an "excuse" not to go. If you want to hang out with people, make plans to do so online, not in person. If your friends aren't inviting you to virtual cocktail parties or whatever, initiate one with them—they'll likely be bored as hell and happy to accept as long as you aren't trying to get them to come outside and meet up with you in the flesh.

Beyond that, you need to set aside your quest for new or closer friendships right now, and don't worry about it again until the pandemic has passed.

Oh, and if you're hating being quarantined alone, take a moment to be glad you're not quarantined with a bunch of screaming brats or surly teenagers or even with a spouse whom you'd probably be ready to axe murder by now.

Hmm, R8. Kegels. You will come hands free. Not sure if it works for men, or even other women, but it works for me!

Btw, did you succeed? And do you have a link to this meditation? Also, what motivated you to pursue this result, specifically, via mediation?

TIA!

OP, what city are you in? R3's response is one I second. Take things day by day - and perhaps embrace media (TV, books, movies, etc - not the news) to escape!

OP, there are countless reasons why people don't respond/get back in a decent amount of time. I've been on the receiving end of that and I've also been the bad responder. It's good not to look too deeply into it and instead try to empathize. People often get wrapped up in their own world, their own bubble, and legit overlook getting back to people. Also, even in this insanity there is a whole world happening online. Lots of things to occupy time, hobbies, music, art, whatever. This isn't a permanent situation. Hang tight, OP. Bitchy as DL can be, there is a lot of humanity here...and out there in this crazy ass world as well.

R3 here. I came to this via a therapy session. During trauma, all you can do is get through it. You have to cut it up into time segments, otherwise it is too overwhelming.

Day by day is cliche, but it works for me. I want to know when this will end. I want to know how the economy will be after this. I want to know whether I or my loved ones will die or live. But none of this is available.

For those who have responded to OP and said you would contact him/her, setup an email account and post it in this thread.

I met a notorious and well-respected poster on this board from a different country that way. We were friends for several years.

OP I am very sorry you feel like this. I am 43yo and for the past two decades all friends became busy with kids, family, moved. I relate to you as I am an introvert and the feeling of loneliness is palpable. Specially now when all work emails and news talk about “ppl caring for their loved ones in difficult times”. My family is all gone except for my mom who lives in a different continent. Truthfully, if I died I think only my coworkers would notice as they would find strange I would not reply their emails, or maybe my landlady would miss rent check. I try to be grateful and appreciate things surround me - birds, nature, traveling - and try to fill my weekends with prayer, volunteering, streaming movies. Sometimes I think I will find a good companion to grow old with me. Most of the time I set my mind to get used to being single and lonely, and try to make the best out of it and feel grateful for being alive.

OP, this message is for you & the rest of the Datalounge heaux.

[quote] But at this point in my life to not even have someone wants to see me everyday...or rather, who misses the sight of me everyday as we are all quarantined? Well that hurts.

OP, aside from a romantic partner, working adults simply don't see each other every single day. (You sound young and maybe you saw your high school or college friends every single day.)

Besides that, I understand what you're going through. It's hard. You might just be different from most people. I realize, as time goes on, that most people are more comfortable in groups than one-on-one. People also like to go to bars together and get drunk, which allows them to drop inhibitions and bond, to some degree. I've been through that and have had my fun, but that time comes to an end.

Sorry you're going through this, OP.

OP Have you considered becoming an Escort ? I'm joking ! Calm down! Just thought I'd lighten the thread mood, It's getting heavy. Bottom line you need involvement. You need something to look forward to. I don't know your interest but join a wine tasting club or a Toasting event. I had a friend that took stand up comedy classes at a club in Atlanta then had to perform a comedy act for graduation. Find something you will enjoy and dive in ! Maybe Escorting isn't such a joke, I don't know! lol

R18 How is OP supposed to join anything you mentioned? We're in a fucking QUARANTINE!

R19 WE ARE ????? WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN ??????

^^your = you're

I understand, OP. Everyone I know is involved in their own circle of friends and family. It's a bad time for us. Let's just know we're not really alone right now - many people are in the same situation we are. I'm not into Facebook or Twitter but maybe now is the time to play with it. What have we got to lose? At least it might keep us amused, yes?

OP, I think many of us can empathize. The best thing is to get outside of yourself, focus on doing things. One thing you could take advantage of... The public library has gotten aggressive about scheduling a huge variety of online programs. Music, discussion, DIY, language learning and tons more. I’ve linked below to just one tiny page of virtual events at the Brooklyn Public Library. The best part is you can surf through hundreds of library sites to find what interests you.

OP, I went through a very fucked up and devastating breakup a while back. It knocked the living shut out of me, and I had a very tough time getting back up. Actually, still getting back up, but not because of the breakup, just because of the hell I put myself through after the breakup.

I felt that I had failed. And I had failed, but I have no way, to EVER go back and get a do-over on the way I let others down, and the way I punished myself for that.

I don’t have many answers to much. I’m smart, but I’m also someone who can convince herself that I despise myself, pretty fucking quick.

I am learning to change that dialogue. It’s the only script I know, however, and it’s the longest, most tragic, self pitying monologue in history. And it also happens to be my favorite , saddest country song, and I’m getting tired of monologue-ing, no breaks or vacations, and I no longer carry such a sweet tune. Cigarettes saw to that. A trade I made as selfishly as a self loathing and shame based gal, can.

This virus? It’s polishing up those dull spots I forgot could bounce around some rays of sunshine, if I stood just so, within and winding along the trees, inside that forest, where if I were to die, the trees would no I fell, and never make a sound that betrays my most meaningful fall, of all. An honor, to die amongst some giants, and to be perpetually covered, in seasons of their leaves, upon my skin, bones, and the little worms who have made me their forever home. And that is my peace. That is my answer to all of the fucking madness and incessant self harm I sought. We all seek the death and love it more than life, because we know that for us, it faithfully and unwaveringly, waits and wants, too.

Your shine is coming, OP. You just needed a bit more time. A bit more polishing. Look over there, OP, where the rub? Maybe a dash more elbow grease?

Email me and chat. While I enjoy my company, I wouldn’t mind making a new friend, who checks in to say Hi! Or “hey, are you dead from this virus yet, or what? Answer me!!!! Are you dead, or am I just being a little sensitive?” Lol!

WTF. You only live once. But the sun will probably shine 2mrw, or pretty freakin’ soon.

E safe, bitches!

OP, text me. I respond. Except for when I sleep all morning, like imma bout to do in the next few minutes. mmmgyrlcc@gmail.com

TL DR OP. I'm sorry you're going through this OP. My guess is you're young (30s? Younger?) and so maintaining a social life is important to you. Do you enjoy reading? There are plenty of books available on Gutenberg.org

If not, try streaming The Horseman on the Roof. Very good-looking lead and perhaps it will take your mind off things, somehow.

OP - what is happening with you?

I feel for you OP, but you do have a tendency to ramble.

Lonely people have personality issues, that is why they have no friends. Use this time to figure out why.

You're probably like Charlie Brown bitching about having no friends, even though you clearly do, they are just not the type of friends you want.

Hope this helps.

I hear you. Try doing things that make you happy independently of others. Also, lower your expecatations of people otherwise you will always feel let down.

Volunteer!

R28 - that’s not true.

That's the way it goes

There is existential loneliness that will never go away. And then there is situational loneliness, such as happens in pandemics. Many others feel the same as you, OP.

R28 is right.

Get a dog. A cat. Be less boring, less of a coward. You can do it.

Eat my shit

People either bore or irritate me. When I overhear them talking it's always the most bland, mundane conversation. No one is ever witty or interesting.

I guess the trick is you're not supposed to ever express a strong opinion.