Could I have crabs?

Phyllis Schlafly got crabs from a toilet seat, probably from her teenage son at the time.

You can get crabs from mattresses and toilet seats. It’s one of those annoying STDs that keep on giving in so many ways. That said, they can be killed easily. But to do so effectively, you have to pretty much sanitize everything your crotch has come in contact with.

Colleges are a big infestation nest for crabs, because of all the fucking that goes on in shared areas and mattresses.

Even if you don’t find any creepy crawly critters (at first they’re very tiny), the dead giveaway is finding tiny little brown specks, not unlike freckles or small beauty marks, on your underwear. Wear white underwear for a few days to corroborate.

I know all this because a fuckbuddy gave them to me in college, and I passed them to my straight roommate whom I never had sex with. Bless his kind soul, he took it like a pro and never resented me for it.

Treatment: kwell lotion, a fine comb (usually comes with the kit), bleach detergent for your clothes/sheets, Tilex for your bathroom and Lysol for your mattress

Don't bother hovering over the seat; the crabs in here can jump three feet!

You've had crabs for a month and not noticed?? They cause very intense itching...

No, you can't only get it from sex. You could get the little darlings from contact with bedding, towels, or clothes used by someone who has them. The lice can live on any course hair -so close contact with eyelashes, eyebrows, chest or armpit hair can also spread them.

Buy a standard de-lousing kit from your local pharmacy or grocery store. It will have a bottle of shampoo, a disinfectant spray for furniture and other items that can't be laundered, and a nit comb. Use as much shampoo as it takes to cover ALL of your body hair from the chin down. (Don't use it on your eyes/eyebrows!) Put it on, wait for the recommended time, then step into the shower. Use the special comb all over to scrape off the dead or dying bugs. You should be able to see them pretty clearly on the comb, if they were present. Rinse as directed. After you've dried off, go through the combing again, just in case you missed something.

And all of that will be a waste of time if you don't strip your bed and launder all of your bedding in HOT water and hottest dryer settings. Use the disinfectant spray on your mattress and pillows, and any seats or chairs you use while dressing or undressing.

Repeat the whole process again in a week if you found any evidence of crabs during the first treatment, or if the itching persists/returns.

Oh this is very funny, R1. One of Schlafly’s sons was in my class in college (the conservative douche bag) and back in the day he was very good friends with the aforementioned roommate I infected.

Could it possibly have been that...?

Naaaah ... what are the chances?

OP.... “Do you only to get it from sex”?

No, Rose. You can also get them at the fish market.

Yes, OP, you have crabs & you're a nasty bitch.

[quote] one of those annoying STDs

Technically not an STD. Lice aren't a disease.

[quote]You've had crabs for a month and not noticed??

I don’t know that I have them, and before today it never would’ve occurred to me that I did. I wear white underwear and have seen no brown specks. I looked in my pubic hair and saw nothing that looks like nits.

Eat them dipped in drawn butter!

They don't look like nits. They look like freckles. Little pin-point-sized dark spots. If you scrape them off and hold them under the light they are truly disgusting.

Get a Silkwood shower, stat!

They are lice and can live in other parts of the body. In the late 70s-early 80s when I worked in schools, there were a number of schools where the kids had lice. It is why people were told never to share their combs or hair brushes. Whole families can get them as they spread through close contact.

Easiest way to get rind of them is shave clean down there then lather and us "the comb" to catch any of the hangers on. Easier to see them that way and your hair will grow back.

Chop down the Forrest and all the critters will be exposed.

r14 crab lice are different from head lice. Crabs won't move to your head.

I had crabs once, years ago. I didn't use any of the special shampoos like RID. I just shaved everything from my bellybutton to my knees, washed my clothes and bedsheets in hot water, and sprayed a lice spray I got at the drugstore on my mattress. I never had any more issues.

Crabs is a right of passage.

OP, you need the spray AND the dip!

Ew.

At LEAST, dear.

Picturing all the crab infested unfortunates being herded naked into r18s dip with sheep dogs nipping at their heels.

I remember having them then letting a guy with a beard eat me out. The next time I saw him he was clean shaven.

May I have crabs?