Since we can’t go to bars...

The drunk lady at the bar decided to curl up next to me, but she’s going to be crazy later.

This seems like an Andy Cohen thing. Is OP Andy?

The drunk guy at the end of the bar is sitting with his head on my thigh while I eat. He knows that when I am done he can lick my dish.

Gross, the hot redhead at the end of the bar just threw up all over the place.

The cute blonde at the end of the bar is curled up asleep.

The drunk guy at the end of the bar is trying to lick his own balls but he's too fat and keeps falling over.

The drunk guy at the end of the bar just buried his shit in the sand.

The drunk lesbian couple are licking each others’ ears

The drunk guy who had been sitting at the end of the bar, is now in the bathroom drinking out of the toilet bowl.

🤣.

Knowing DL, this is gonna be a fun thread.

The drunk lady at the end of the bar keeps asking to be placed into my bathtub so she can drink from the tap.

I'm worried the drunk guy at the end of the bar's anal gland is going to rupture again.

The drunk guy at the end of the bar is sprawled out on his back, eyes half open. Earlier he kept rubbing his wet nose against my hand.

I think the drunk guy at the end of the bar has fleas.

I think the drunk guy at the end of the bar has fleas.

The old drunk gal at the end of the bar has atrocious breath and a severe case of the itchies.

No, it isn’t Madonna.

The drunk guy at the end of the bar destroyed one of my shoes while I was preoccupied; after I cried out in a strangled voice, he hopped up on his perch, looked me in the eye, and said, GOOD BIRD!

The drunk guy at the end of the bar just got up and knocked over the garbage can.

I think he may be hungry.

The drunk guy at the bar is crowding me and whining that he wants his belly rubbed. I think he's gay.

The drunk guy at the end of the bar just cut an enormous stinko fart and the other patrons are fleeing the establishment.

The cute drunk chick at the end of the bar is enduring a twitchy sleep. Must be having a hot dream. Hope she doesn't embarrass herself.

The stool at the end of the bar has been empty for 346 days. I miss that little margarita-swilling imp more with each passing day. His stuffed toy tequila bottle sits in my liquor cabinet.

Here's to you, pup.

The drunk guy at the end of the bar is trying to eat off my plate.

R21 What a sweet tribute!

A young drunk guy was crouched on top of this drunk, half-asleep chick, licking her neck and hair. When I tried to sneakily take a video with my phone, the chick gave me a bitchy glare and disentangled herself from the drunk guy, who then proceeded to lick his balls instead.

Everyone thought the drunk guy at the end of the bar was a woman until I pointed out that he has balls.

The drunk guy at the end of the bar has curled up alongside me, fur askew. All its’ needs have been met. He is spent.

The drunk guy at the end of the bar just stopped in the middle of the room and started licking his dick.

the drunk guy at the end of the bar pissed all over the floor

The drunk girl at the end of the bar just jumped up in front of the TV. What an attention whore.

One of the drunk guys is next to me, screaming that he is skin and bones andwhenisdinnergoingtobeserved??!! Now he's putting his hairy hand on me and beseeching me that he's starving and he needs to eat NOW. It is one hour before dinner.

Meanwhile, the other drunk guy just barfed up a bunch of somebody's hair on the carpet.

Lordy! "Last Call" is going to be a hoot (or howl, meow, chirp, splash, squeal) when the lights go up and the drunks have to move on.

Bartender: "You don't have to go home, but you've gotta get out of here!"

Thanks to OP for creating what is bound to become a legendary thread. Many smiles and outright guffaws.

And thank you, R23, for your kind words.

There's a drunk old lady asleep and snoring at the end of the bar.

Now there's a drunk old man passed out on the bathroom floor. I think he likes the cool tiles.

The drunk guy at the end of he bar was licking the fur on his back and is now trying to get hair out of his mouth.

^^ make that a "hiss" not a "meow" (in true DL style)

The drunk guy cuddled up to me, said “cutie pie” and then he took a tiny shit on me and flew away.

The drunk girl at the end of the bar gets pissy if I don't clean up her poop every day.

The drunk guy at the end of the bar is now licking off the lotion I put on my toes and it feels so good that I can't bring myself to stop it.

The drunk guy at the end of the bar just took a dump in the sunroom.

I'm sorry for your loss. I don't even know how I'll handle it when the time comes for my little drunk girl (11 in May)

The drunk guy at the end of the bar fell asleep on the floor and is snoring. He really needs a bath.

The drunk guy at the end of the bar just climbed onto the back of the couch, rolled into a ball, and fell asleep.

The drunk guy at the end of the bar walks with a slight limp. He says some idiot paid $4000 for surgery on his leg.

It’s fun to try to figure out the species on some of these.

The drunk guy at the end of the bar likes to lick my ear. If allowed, it can progress to nipping.

I worry he has covid-19.

R44: Unless he's a bat, no worries!

The drunk guy at the end of the bar, who is clearly not from around here, hiked his leg on two of my car tires and my Welcome mat. I hope he goes back to his own neighborhood bar tomorrow night.

The nerve.

R37 Armie, haven't you learned your lesson?!

The drunk guy is lying on the bar in front of me, staring at me and occasionally scratching me with his fingernails to get my attention. He's hoping that I'll go to bed soon, so he can drape himself across my neck and drool.

You know, OP, this might be my favorite bored-shitless quarantine game yet!

The short, white drunk girl at the end of the bar is falling asleep under the coffee table.

The brown drunk girl with the long giraffe legs at the end of the bar has been licking her cooch all night and now her breath smells like vagina.

The drunk guy at the end of the bar just scooted his ass all over the floor!

As soon as the clinics open, take that ass-scooting drunkard to get that checked, r50.

The angry little drunk at the end of the bar has positioned himself by the window and is shouting at passers-by.

The old drunk guy sitting next to me just sneezed on me. He didn't make any attempt to cover his mouth.

I didn't freak out!

The black guy at the end of the bar just sharted on my pillowcase after trying to sleep on my neck and now I've locked him out for the duration of the night.

The elderly drunk lady at the end of the bar startled herself awake falling off a chair and is now walking around grumpy about it.

The drunk lesbian couple are now humping each other

The drunk gal at the end of the bar just ripped one and it reeks of burnt rubber.

The drunk lady is scavenging for food on the floor. I went up to her to pick her up but she just looked at me adorably, fluffed her feathers and continued. I see her eating something but she quickly drops it and moves on. Turns a out it was dried poop.

The big brown lady at the end of the bar crawled up on the cable box and fell asleep. She's blocking the bottom of the screen and I can't read the CNN chyrons.

R31 Glad to hear this thread is lifting your spirits. You're right - this thread is going to be a classic!

A big smooch to OP for starting it...

The drunk lady at the end of the bar walked past my webcam naked while I’m on a zoom work call. 🙄

The drunks now want to leave and yell at the other drunks on the street and go find another bar or something.

The drunk guy that was sitting next to me brought a game that he wants to play, involving me dragging a bird that is strung on a string, attached to a stick. Not the conventional bar game I see.

The two other drunk guys are sleeping it off. Lazy bastards.

Best thread ever. I don’t have any pets but am crying laughing at these posts. Thank you OP.

The large drunk guy at the end of the bar is chewing on a nice mutton chop. If you get too near him, he growls. His much smaller friend is chewing on what looks like a sad little mouse.

I have a neighborhood cat that I have been feeding for over three years and she wants to live with me now. I have a cat who comes in my house already...I don't want this little elderly female. I believe her owner is dead, perhaps for three years? I can barely take care of myself but I am feeling terribly mean for not letting her live with me. It is warm here.

The daily drunk who is broke, constantly offers to let me buy his typewriter, if I will buy him a bottle of Rye.

The drunk girl at the end of the bar found a bar of soap on the floor and is licking it enthusiastically.

Now the drunk guy is drunkenly head bopping me, asking for a massage. He is so selfish.

The drunk guy that was passed out on my bed since last night just staggered out to the living room and is sitting in a ray of sunshine. He's licking his wrist and then trying to clean his forehead with it.

A drunk guy at the bar is pushing everything within reach on to the floor. A drunk woman sitting across the room is watching him with undivided attention. When I yell at the guy to stop. He pauses for a brief moment then pushes another object off the bar.

The drunk chunky chick at the end of the bar just went outside and laid down on the grass to sunbathe.

This drunk guy is sprawled out at the end of the bar, entertaining us with his impression of a Playboy centerfold spread.

Goddammit, now the drunk lesbians are fighting.

The tiny old drunk lady at the end of the bar is vexed because I held her down and cut her nails. She has angrily rolled herself into a blanket. She smells like corn chips and refuses to bathe.

The drunk at the end of the bar just blew me.

Sadly I'm the only drunk at this bar but I'm enjoying this thread a lot. Love you, OP.

R71, does your drunk guy have long hair? It’s usually the fine-bred long-haired ones who love throwing objects from the bar.

🤣 r74 I’m loving the saga with your drunk lesbians! Moody lesbian drama!

R78 I'm not R71 but I am friends with the gray lady with short hair at the end of the bar who also likes to push things off any elevated area - bars, tables, shelves. I don't think it has to do with breeding; I think it has to do with her being bored and looking for attention from the drunks who are ignoring her.

The drunk guy at the end of the bar was the star of the Zoom meeting tonight, yowling, head bumping me and the screen. Always needs to be the center of attention.

The drunk girl at the bar puked on the bed and I had to change sheets at 4 am.

The cute drunk girl at the end of the bar spent all evening begging me to buy her dinner, and she would NOT take "I'm gay" as an excuse!

The drunk guy sitting on the table looks like he's having a fit but he's actually entranced by all the lights streaming across the wall.

The drunk guy at the end of the bar just shit in a box, but because he’s such a fatass, a turd ended up missing and hitting the floor. Now the entire bar smells.

[quote] The drunk guy that was sitting next to me brought a game that he wants to play, involving me dragging a bird that is strung on a string, attached to a stick.

I had a game like that once. My mother used it to light the pilot light.

I’m the drunk girl who, after a night of sleeping it off, is running back and forth in the bar, zooming from stool to stool like a crazy person, with no discernible purpose.

R85 made me howl. Hi Dorothy!

I’m happy to announce that, after a night of sulking at me and each other, the drunk lesbians are back to licking each other’s ears.

The drunk chick at the end of the bar has SOME wild hair. Bet she's REALLY hairy "down there." She's already eaten, but she's gnawing on a bone - so she's either still hungry or really horny/

The lush at the end of the bar keeps flopping his belly around trying to get comfortable for a nap.

Staring daggers at me for hours, the drunk millennial at the end of the bar is giving off jejune vibes, clearly saying “WTF are you doing here ALL THE TIME? Go away and do whatever you do for half the day!!”

OMG R88, those gals need to get their own reality show (which I will faithfully not watch but hear about) or at the very least a video blog!”

The drunk teenaged girl in my house knocked out her tail feathers throwing herself off her perch during a tantrum over the vacuum cleaner. She didn’t want me to clean her room and find her stash of fermented apple pieces.

The drunk guy at the end of the bar tried to eat his own poop.

The drunk guy at the end of the bar keeps crawling all over me and licking my face.

The smelly old drunk guy at the end of the bar is wondering when I will get out of his bed and go to work.

Anyone have any drunk guys at the end of the bar swimming around, up to their hills in water?

Gills

R97, I was going to start a wet bar, but the goldfish show I was waiting for I'm sure won't be happening this summer.

In the meantime, the drunk guy left the bar to go pee outside, but then decided to stay out there in the rain. I had to demand he come back inside because you know how bad wet drunks smell.

The old drunk on the next stool is trying to steal the cookies off of my plate, and I know for a fact that he doesn't like cookies.

The drunk guy at the end of the bar ate part of the free lunch and puked it back up again, and then a couple of his friends helped him eat eat it all up, again. Now he’s trying unsuccessfully to sit on my lap, even though I’m standing up.

The drunk guy at the end of the bar is now curled up on a pillow on my lap sleeping. Now I can’t get up!

Some of these drunks are very cute; others are fairly disgusting. It does take a special kind of love...

The drunk at the end of the bar at my mom’s house just up and died!

He was only 10.

I'm so sorry, R104.

thank you. The truth is, though, he had become a danger. Elderly people can trip over small dogs.

He’s happy at some open bar in the Great Beyond, now. Baying with the band.

I’m sorry, r106, I’m not sure I understand you. Did you mean to say “Elderly people can trip over small drunks?”

The drunk guy at the end of the bar keeps going behind the TV and unplugging it! Someone wants attention . . . or is sleepy and acting out to avoid going sleepy time.

[quote]R107 I’m not sure I understand you. Did you mean to say “Elderly people can trip over small drunks?”

That’s indeed what I attest! And, that’s one reason children are not allowed to drink!

The combination of tiny, staggering toddlers and the nearsighted elderly lead to a liquor slicked highway to hell!

[bold]#Warned

The drunk guy at the end of the bar followed me to the bathroom this morning. Then he waited outside my bathroom door for me to finish using it so he could pounce on me.

R110 I wonder if it's the same drunk guy at the end of the bar who followed ME into the bathroom this afternoon. As soon as I sat down to take a leisurely dump, he jumped in my lap and fell asleep.

The jittery guy at the end of the bar just dropped his meth pipe and Viagra packet. I wonder if there is an open stall ?

The old drunk at my bar just comes into the bathroom with me... and stares at my while I'm doing my business. Every time.

Bump

Drunk chick at the end of the bar started kneading on my bed until she finally plopped right between my legs. Her favorite spot. Must remind her of her mama and siblings all bundled up in a pile.

One of the drunk guys insists on following me around the bar, into the bathroom, and when I go into the office, he runs on the treadmill, hoping to get a snack from me.

This young drunk girl at the end of the bar is in heat. She’s screaming out for any other drunk dude who will listen. Her doctor recommended getting her tubes tied but wanted to wait until she was older.

She just hiked up her skirt and showed her stuff to the other drunk dude at the end of the bar. He’s either had a vasectomy or he’s gay because he wasn’t interested.

I had to take the drunks outside for a break before the bartender lost his cool. They proceed to yell at any gainfully employed person they see. Mail carrier, gardener, construction worker, delivery driver, they scream at them all. Nothing they hate worse than the sight of someone making an honest living.

The drunk guy at the end of the bar just punched me in the face because I am ignoring him.

The drunk bitch at the end of the bar just licked her pussy - and then she tried to lick ME! GROSS!!!

The drunk guy at the end of the bar crawled onto my lap and put his arm down my shirt.

I caught the drunk guy at the end of the bar chewing on my boxer briefs, but I have no idea how he got ahold of them.

Lots of funny drunks today!

The drunk woman at the bar turned her back to me and licked her feet. Now she’s licking her pussy.

The drunk guy at the end of the bar keeps calling me a 'warmed over' whore! Thinks I'm his mother,

I approached the drunk gal at the end of the bar, but she fled from me in terror. How did she know I was going to give her a bath?

[quote]I caught the drunk guy at the end of the bar chewing on my boxer briefs, but I have no idea how he got ahold of them.

Were you wearing them at the time?

The three drunk guys at the end of the bar were all badgering me to make breakfast for them. Now they're demanding I make breakfast for them. Lazy sods.

Drunk chick at the end of the bar, ambled over and passed out on my lap.

OK I’m the OP but I really do love this thread

R130 If you are the OP: You should be proud! This is a classic thread!

It's thundering loudly outside, and the big, clumsy drunk at the end of the bar ran to hide behind a chair in the corner of the room. He's shivering uncontrollably and looking at me with panic in his eyes. I can't help feeling for him and walk over snuggle up there with him. He tries to crawl on top of me, but I won't go that far.

He sounds like a perv, r132.

Be careful.

The drunk who was sitting at the middle of the bar wouldn't get up to chase a ball. He kept dragging his ass around the bar room floor trying to deal with his constipation. He needs to drink more.

R134, does your drunk eat wet food? If not, will he eat it? My drunks get wet food in the morning and night. I also add water to their wet food for more hydration. If your drunk only eats dry food, consider a water fountain or multiple bowls of fresh water.

Also powdered Miralax helps r234.

Just beware Miralax without an increase in water can gum up things even worse. Hydrate your drunkard.

The windows are open, it's 75 degrees and sunny out, and my old drunk is sitting huddled by the heater. Which isn't on.

The drunk woman at the end of the bar is curled up on the floor licking her cooter.

R130 a.k.a OP, you struck gold with this thread! It's so entertaining and such a departure from some of the "gloom and doom" type posts! Thank you (I don't even have any pets, but find the comments hilarious).

Two drunk guys must have come from a wedding cause they are still in their tuxedos. One of them skulked out and is passed out in a pink convertible. The other one is sleeping on a table in the bar using a bunch of bar rags as a pillow.

The drunk lady with long grey hair lives with me now after being homeless for a while. I took pity on her and invited her in. She has never said thank you, won't get a job, and spends most of her time napping. She's currently sprawled out on the couch.

R135 and R137 - It's the first time he's gotten constipated (he's a 10 mo. old). A day here or a day there he seems to drink only in the morning or evening after exercise sessions. (quarters and beer pong) Water dishes seem to be untouched in between and he's very active under the influence It's strange, because he usually doesn't act that way. I got pumpkin and sweet potatoes to fill the chip and peanut baskets. Psyllium husk, too.

R143, Some drunks don't like to drink where they eat. Have you tried leaving water bowls away from their food. Especially in human glasses on tables. Good luck.

Took a bath, and when I went into the dining room, one of the drunk guys (I suspect the youngest, most wild one of the bunch, who lived by himself outside as a kid) ransacked the recyclables. He's ALWAYS hungry.

The two drunk guys at the end of the bar are into S & M- they LOVE getting spanked. Usually the Red Head asks first, but then the Black one gets jealous, pushes the Red Head away, and demands to be spanked.

Kinky!!

Where is this bar exactly?

Asking for the guy at the end ... ah, fuck it, askin for me.

r147 West Hollywood of course!

The grey haired drunk at the end of the bar isn’t even from around here. Last night he went a bit too far by breaking into my kitchen. He had swiped my keys and coins bowl off the counter. He’s got it coming this time; forget about my buying him a round or two whenever he shows up. He is now banned for life!

This thread is a classic! Bump for moar!

The old drunk guy at the end of the bar has a super hairy ass and gets offended when his younger brother checks for poop balls.

The drunk stranger at the end of the bar came up to me and yelled in my face. He wanted another round. The nerve.

The drunk guy who was kicked out of the bar last night is screaming at me to let him in because he lives downstairs from me and his family won’t let him in quite yet. He figures if I let him in, he can steal some of my drunk lady’s leftovers and mosey on downstairs to wake up his family so they can fix him a fresh breakfast. He does this to me every morning, knowing I’m up and enough of a sucker to let him get his way and walk all over me. I feel like the used mistress of a good-for-nothing.

R151 may be my favorite post of the whole thread!

The drunk lady from Bombay at the end of the bar finally fell asleep on my lap after being very unsure about it for months. I'm very proud of her progress.

Awww she must be a beautiful drunk lady, r155. And congrats on her trusting you.

R155 You must have bred and groomed her with great patience.

The youngest, wildest drunk is insisting on jumping on the bar, no matter how many times I yell at him to get off. I've even made a barrier of sorts- pineapple, spray bottle, a balloon, and a metal refillable water bottle, and despite being drunk, he expertly jumped through the empty spaces of the barrier.

The old drunk at the end of the bar is trying to grab pieces of carnitas off of my plate.

I love this thread.

The drunks are complaining about the lack of free bar snacks.

Me thinks the young cunt at the end of the bar is HORNY. She keeps "displaying" her "hoo-ha" - and tries to lick it now and then (YUCK). Maybe she needs a good lay - or maybe its time to 'snip snip"

R162, see r117.

Maybe we can get these bitches together and form a lesbian relationship somehow.

The small, geriatric drunk is sprawled asleep on my lap, wearing a little bow tie because he’s Just That Elegant in his old age. There’s a big age gap between us but I know this is a love story that DL will endorse.

The young female drunk at the end of the bar has suddenly flung herself down onto the floor, and is rolling back and forth with great abandon. A younger male drunk has spotted her, and is coming over to see what's going on, making gentle chirping sounds as he proceeds. They're both fixed, no worries.

The drunk at the end of the bar keeps asking to go stumble around the backyard, but every time I open the door, he waits for me to go out first.

The old black drunk guy at the end of the bar was considerate enough to barf 4X this morning on a non porous surface. I think he has Trichophagia, as it was his own hair that he was barfing up.

I wonder if the old guy at the end of the bar just got out of prison. He's wearing a gray/black striped suit and wagging his ass around like an alley cat. Oh boy, the sexy little lady sitting next to me made a play for him but he swatted her down. I think he's looking for some boy action.

There's an old man sittin' next to me makin' love to his kibble and beef pate.

But is he drunk, r169?

The crosseyed drunk at the end of the bar has Tourette's. It's triggered whenever he sees a bird out the window...which.is.a.lot

R171 Crosseyed? Poor baby...

He's probably adorable and being crossed eyed doesn't really affect their vision. Does he chatter whenever he sees a bird, r171?

Yes [172] and [173] he is 8 lbs of Siamese adorable and only mildly crosseyed. Sharp as a tack and def no vision problems. I love when he chatters.

The drunk guy at the end of the bed is currently impeding my legs from fully stretching out, snoring, but wakes up every few hours to scratch the hell out of himself for several minutes at a time, scoot around the floor in circles, and sit in the middle of the floor eventually falling asleep for a few minutes and starting it all over again.

R171 R174 drunk crosseyed Asian. You sure know how to pick em.

One of the drunks at the end of the bar was so drunk, that he didn't shake after he peed- he got some urine on one of the blankets and it smells like piss. And he's unrepentant about it.

The old drunk tart at the end of the bar is so loaded - and so hungry, I guess - that she doesn't realize she's chewing on an old tennis shoe.

I miss the old drunk who used to hang out at the end of the bar, who was quite open about his tennis shoe fetish. If someone came up he'd run up to them and paw their shoes, and if he found a tennis or running shoe lying around, he'd stick his nose inside and inhale deeply, and roll around in ecstasy for a while.

We'd all laugh so hard we were falling off our barstools but he didn't care, he was happy the way he was.

The old hairy drunk at the end of the bar loves to taunt small children. He thinks it's funny they always want to touch him! He watches without blinking as they approach and then stop and giggle at him, unsure if they should touch his rich, taupe coat (rightly so). Swish, swish go his Victorian coat tails. He knows he can move a lot faster than them! Psyche! It's a GAME!

The old drunk lady at the end of the bar had the audacity to yell at me for going to another room to take a nap and wouldn't shut up until I walked to the bar and physically brought her to my location for cuddles. She is now ensconced under the blanket with me.

The gender indeterminate drunk at the end of the bar dropped in again from God knows where and stole my drink.

[quote] he was happy the way he was.

If only every single oddball who’s ever been made to feel alienated or like a pariah could adopt that drunk’s philosophy of life, the world would be a much happier place. Your story got to me r179, actually made me cry. And I’m not even an outcast or misfit. On the contrary, I tend to fit in easily and become pretty accepted, even popular, in most environments!

I’m so sorry your drunk friend is no longer with us and I hope you have countless memories to cherish and treasure.

[quote] She is now ensconced under the blanket with me.

*sigh*

At least someone hooked up at the bar.

I bought a top shelf drink for the old drunk at the end of the bar. But he presented hole and walked away.

The cute drunk girl at the end of the bar begged and begged me for a plate of bar nibbles, and as soon as I gave her some, she forgot they existed and started begging me for something to eat.

I suspect she's just as stupid sober as drunk.

The drunk girl at the end of the bar is humping her pillow. She doesn't actually think anyone is watching her. We can all see it.

R186 She's not stupid; she's particular. Your food is not up to her standards. If you don't improve, she will leave you and visit another bar.

The drunk woman at the end of the bar decided to follow me into bed and is now asleep between my legs. Saucy little minx!

The drunk woman at the end of the bar woke me up at 5AM to be let out, and then refused to settle - pawing and nudging - until she was allowed back into bed with me. She then fell asleep with her head pressed against the back of my knee, and then shortly began to dream, as I could feel her eyes move while she was in REM sleep.

I don't think I've ever loved her more.

I haven't seen the drunk who's usually at the end of the bar today. Hope he's ok. He's not from around here.

The young drunk at the end of the bar announced this morning she was going in for a hysterectomy today. I’m concerned about her and I hope she’s OK. They say she’ll be back at the bar around 4 o’clock.

The drunk centenarian at the end of the bar—the ginger fella who’s been my drinking buddy since 1998—is meditating fervently in a swath of morning sunlight. Later, he will undoubtedly deposit an impressively fat crap on the window seat.

He’d like to buy a round for all the other sweet drunks.

The drunk guy at the end of the bar is NOT amused by the thunderstorm we are currently experiencing. He grabbed his hat, coat, and tail and is headed for the master closet. It's not so scary in there.

R190 You are both adorable.

[quote] the ginger fella who’s been my drinking buddy since 1998

🥰🤗😥

[quote]Here here. CHEERS!

Oops left the second quote out

[quote] He’d like to buy a round for all the other sweet drunks.

Here, here. CHEERS!

Relieved of his constipation, my 11 month old drunk has discovered the joy of rubbing both sides of his snout across the same bar room floor he scooted his ass across.

The drunk guy at the end of the bar is enjoying a rousing game of tug of war with a multicolored rope. He will approach various patrons with the rope and dare them to pull it away from him, growling as if he is some sort of wolf, but then licking them when they pay his head.

^^pat his head

Get off the bar, you drunks! There are no bar snacks up there for you! GET OFF!

Their favorite bartender returned and now they are arguing over her. Each of them want all her attention and a constant flow of bar snacks.

I like “pay his head,” r200

The drunk guy at the end of the bar is enjoying the bird show. My downstairs neighbors installed a multi-offering bird feeder. The drunk guy grabs a drink and hunkers down to watch. I love the way he wiggles his ass when he sees them!

Aww that's so sweet, r204, what region do you live in? What kind of birds show up?

The drunk guy at the end of the bar just sauntered over and sat on the papers I was reading. He gave me his usual dopey smile, and all was forgiven and I bought him a drink.

The drunk guy at the end of the bar is humping his mattress.

R205, I live in northwest NJ.

I'm seeing some Robin Red Breasts and Blue Jays. There was a Cardinal a couple of day ago. Then there's some tiny birds. I don't know what they are but I call them Chickadees. He doesn't care for the squirrels very much but they've been able to climb into the flat square platform.

The drunk guy at the end of the bar is enjoying the early-bird (pun intended) dinner hour right now!

I set up bar with lots of snacks for the passing drunks. A week later they are out there constantly, chowing down like they haven't had a square meal in months. I even set up a lovely soaking tub. But some of them went and had children while eating off of my dime! I saw one being screamed at for food by his own teenager! Can you believe it? Several couples show up for snacks now. It's ruining my yard.

And watching them all day makes me feel so very old.

The drunk man is in a cardboard box trying to figure out if he wants to go lay in the sun spot and the drunk lady is using the facilities.

Are they a couple , r210?

I just trimmed the ass hair of the drunk guy at the end of the bar, because I hate when his shit gets matted up in it.

That’s very nice of you, r212.

Creepy. But nice.

(Trimming some dude’s butt hair? Ew.)

The young chick in r192 returned to the bar. She seemed drunker than ever. I didn’t think you were supposed to drink pre- or post-surgery, but evidently she didn’t care. She’s stumbling around the bar trying to figure out where she is.

She’s also wearing this ridiculous looking hat. I don’t have the heart to tell her how silly she looks. She thinks she looks gorgeous.

The crosseyed drunk at the end of the bar caught a fly and ate it (blech...)

The idiot drunk girl from the end of the bar came over and begged me for some of my taquitos. So I gave her a taquito and she looked at the taquito right in front of her and said... "Where's my taquito?".

She's such a dumbass. But she's really cute.

The 21 yr old drunk at the end of the bar with the super hair ass and the 11 yr old crosseyed drunk that chatters at birds and eats flies are thinking of adopting a Corona baby...thoughts?

As adorable as they are, it may be upsetting to the 21-year-old to change his routine now. Even though he’s a drunk.

Lol r218.

Plus what’s so special about knowing your name, coming on command, and fetching? The gray/gold/brown drunk chick at the end of my bar the does that - plus she sits on command and shakes my hand.

She is also known occasionally to bring dinner, sometimes half alive.

R216, maybe the drunk guy wanted some salsa or guac for his taquito? Maybe a beer to wash it down with?

R220: All the drunks know that avocados are hazardous to their health--they wouldn't touch guacamole with a ten foot pole.

"[R216], maybe the drunk guy wanted some salsa or guac for his taquito? "

Nah, R220, I know how that drunk girl likes her taquitos. My mistake was in just putting them in front of her, instead of pointing them out several times, and shoving them into her line of sight until she noticed they were there. As I frequently have to do.

Look, that girl is cute and sweet and fun and has a really great hairdo, but she's as dumb as a rock.

[quote] She is also known occasionally to bring dinner, sometimes half alive.

Unless she brings enough for the whole bar, that’s rude.

I set up a continual drinks bar outside for those fussy drunks who insist on a liquids-only diet. Now they're prancing around in their '80's metallic outfits and chasing each other away from the bar like the hysterical queens they are. This isn't a damn circuit party-it's my backyard you asshats!

Sleepnir = 8 legs + snoozytimes

The drunk guy at the end of the bar had been missing for a few days. I don’t let him in my home but it’s always good to see him and I make sure he’s fed, even if he’s wild and lives in the streets. So I was a bit worried when I didn’t see him for a while but I’m happy to report he’s at the end of the bar again, contently licking himself after a good meal!

The drunk guy at the end of the bar is enjoying watching the birds fly around. I swear his head almost does an "Exorcist" swivel, trying to watch as many birds at one time as he can.

He's also waiting for the woodpecker to come and eat. It announces it's arrival by pecking on the metal gutter. It makes the other birds fly away. The sound goes through me like nails on a chalkboard and someone whose car needs power steering fluid while I'm simultaneously chewing on aluminum foil.

The drunk guy at the end of the bar passed out on top of a serving cart and his boozehound sister just dropped where she was and spent the night sprawled across an ottoman.

The drunk girl at the end of the bar has rolled over and wants her belly rubbed. She is showing off her nipples and the tattoo showing she has been fixed. I guess she wants attention as she is spreading her legs like a whore and presenting pussy.

The drunk guy at the end of the bar just ate two Prozac capsules wrapped in cheese

Bump