BREAKING: Helen Lawson Tests Positive For COVID-19

Helenesque has special qualities that will shield Helen from the worst of the virus.

No virus can duplicate or mutate in THAT cesspool of booze.

Helen gave it to Prince Charles.

"86"???

Is THAT what she's claiming now?!

She's old enough to remember the Spanish Flu.

[quote]Helen gave it to Prince Charles.

That's not all I gave to him, honey.

If I survived three seasons of Life with Neely, I'll make it through this.

Oh, another young one may be called home soon.

I bet she got it from one of those fags she's always seen with.

Aw, c’mon Helen! You can beat this, you’re a barracuda!

Help me! The scent of Helenesque is SUFFOCATING me!

Ah, c'mon -- it's probably just the clap.

Again.

Helen Lawson! I guess you shouldn't have been outside planting that tree, BITCH!

So there is an opening for MAME, no?

86? Is that bitch still shaving off years in her dotage?

I hear she's on the gin and juice cocktail.

OP is my heroin(e).

I'm surprised a virus could find a place to attach to those old leathery lungs.

Serves the old bitch right!

You gotta roll with the punches, bitches. And believe me, they come left, right, and below the belt!

I'll be fine.

[bold]FUCK YOU, BITCH![/bold] I hope it metastasizes to your pussy and makes your motherfucking beef curtains fall off, you acrylic-wig-wearing sea hag!

Give me the shot - and use a good needle - not one of those lousy ballpoints.

R3 Bitch is old enough to remember the Jurassic Flu...

[quote]Oh, God. I hope this isn't the end for one of our heroes. Send thoughts and prayers her way, DL.

MARY! Jesus Fucking Christ, you nellie queens exhaust me...

But you are fuckin' loyal...guess that's why I married so many of you fags

Now light me a Camel and play me the intro Soundheim's "I'm Still Here" in the key of G

[quote]Soundheim's "I'm Still Here"

*snigger*

Are they sure it wasn't The Big 'A'? She runs with all them fags. Tell 'em to test her for everything.

She is self-loathing at home.

Just yesterday Tony was full of energy. Now he's fighting for his life...

TONYYYY!!

I call bullshit on the self-isolation.

Who are ya hiding from, Helen?

The notices couldn’t have been that bad.

So sickness can get sick?

Who knew?

Oh no, not Helen Lawson!!

You know, I never understood what was supposed to be so bad about her "real" hair? It looked so much better than that fake ass looking wig. Anyone able to explain?

"Helen Lawson, '86', has ‘mild symptoms’ of Covid-19, which has killed over 3,200 people in New York City."

3,200 deaths in NYC? Last count Wednesday evening was under 900 for the whole country.

It’s younger than springtime and twice and contagious: Read all about this novel coronavirus!

I'm sorry to hear about Helen. I have a role for her in my new movie -- as my GRANDMOTHER!

"I'll go out...the way I came in.

With my legs in the air and a 26 year old stud fucking the syrup outta me!"

Helen Lawson does not have the virus. It is Fake News. I spoke to her on the phone the other day and she was fine. I told her that her revival of MAME will open in April or May on Broadway as planned because I am opening up Broadway again for the New York economy. She'll win the Tony when they do that award show. They say the awards are not going to happen. Fake News. It's the democrats saying that. Or CNN. or The New York Times. All fake. Helen is a trouper. She's even considering a role of Ambassador for me for one of the countries, we haven't decided which one yet. It will be her choice. If anyone can kick the hell out of this virus. it's Helen. She is a legend.

Um, it has not killed over 3,200 people in NYC. Yet.

"3,200 deaths in NYC? Last count Wednesday evening was under 900 for the whole country. "

Op is posting from the future. Everyone knows Helen's real age is 32!

“I won’t sleep in your burlap job. It doesn’t provide efficient respiratory filtration!”

The federal government was working overtime to gaslight us into believing you can’t catch Coronavirus from eating pussy. I’m grateful for Helen’s field work.

“When it comes to treating gashes, the American Red Cross has nothing on my tongue. I believed I was doing the Lord’s work, but apparently one of the cunts I devoured was infected with something other than the garden variety ailments I’m accustomed to. I’ve got it”

How can you be sure? All viruses are gray under the microscope.

Better not touch that leftover lasagna,

BREAKING NEWS: Helen Lawson is DEAD to me!

Lawson succumbed to the virus earlier this evening.

YAY! NO MORE FUCKING CUNT HELEN LAWSON THREADS OR INDIVIDUAL POSTS!

R43 You dumb queer. Nothing can kill her. Now fuck off, buster.

Helen's been through reefer and vino, rest cures, religion and pills. She's still here.

[quote]fucking the syrup outta me

Pics please.

Yeah, thanks for the flowers everyone.

Do any of you know where I can buy a bejeweled face mask. I'd ask my old friend Travilla to make me one but he kicked it years ago.

In VOTD everyone had the best wigs and falls. You couldn't beat the 1960s for good fake hair

Brava!

"BREAKING NEWS:Helen Lawson is DEAD to me"

NOOOOOOO!

I hope she has a few eldergays checking in on her.

Thanks OP, I needed that!

R44 Sorry cunt.

DL BREAKING NEWS overrules your pathetic co-dependency.

Plus I just took a hot piss on her grave.

Can't wait to take a messy shit on it. Just ate Chipotle.

tick....tock

R44, I wouldn’t pay attention to R53.

You know how bitchy fags can be.

R44, I wouldn’t pay attention to R53.

You know how bitchy fags can be.

Get well shoon, Helen

[quote]I just took a hot piss

Pics please.

Helen, honey, as you may know I am taking bookings for homecomings. You can have your estate call my assistant Dionne. But just make sure they know: it is CASH UPFRONT.

Damon, shit, I told you to proofread.

Helen is fine, she sends her love.

fabulous old-time thread OP

*applause*

If you can handle the methanol toxicity, I heard drinking Helenesque provides immunity to the virus.

BREAKING: Anne Welles also tests positive for COVID-19!

#PrayforAnne

^ LOL

Susan Hayward was such a beautiful young woman.

Will the idiots masquerading as myself kindly stop? You do not have the re-spect, intellectual re-serves, nor the entertainment re-quirements to do it.

And not know it's DAMONT, asshole, proves the point.

Fuck off. You want to keep my flame alive? BUY MY FUCKING LAST ALBUM. I have 30,000 units of 33 rpm vinyl un my crawlspace because Damont said I was retro. Ask me where I have him locked up at the moment in isolation. Ask me.

Helen Lawson taught me everything I know. About not mixing liquors when you're planning a full night of it with a 2 am show at the casino halfway through it. But I know she's not really sick. How can the most negative woman I've ever met be positive about one little thing?

[quote]'self-isolating at home'.

Virus my ass. Must be another facelift.

I'll survive, I'll tie a can to that little virus's tail......

All of you claiming that I’m dead can fuck off.

And get out of my way, ‘cause I have a man waiting for me.

Buster predatory fish are immune...

She`s determined to pull through and be a presenter at next year's Tony Awards.

Helen's on a vent, boys.

They had to take her lit cigarette out of her hand before they intubated her.

[quote] Helen gave it to Prince Charles.

No, that was the herp.

Helen's up and around on the isolation ward. She’s a take-charge gal!

She wants to live!

This is why I love this place.

She swam in this pool- I'd better disinfect it.

BREAKING NEWS!!! Broadway Legend Helen Lawson survives coronavirus scare, breaks hip while opening a jar of pickles. Updates to follow.

Well the old battleaxe better get well soon. I've signed her for the 2021 revival of "Hello, Dolly" and it's a pile of shekels to me.

I don't want to have to exhume Carol Channing again.

Has anyone checked on Miriam?

"Neely's got Covid, she's really got it! Hell, I knew that when I had her tossed out of my show."

give her a fucking doll and shut her UP

The bitch is still alive?

I want a doll! I want a doll.

"Ya gotta roll with the punches, and believe me, in this pandemic they come left, right and below the belt!"

It’s been done, r84.

I knew it! This happens every time people go pallin’ around with those show-folk fags!

The last virus that tangled with that old trout ended up checking into Betty Ford AND Hazelden!

Listen, I was partying with the Rat Pack in Vegas in 1962

And who comes swooping in the hotel like a lah-de-dah fucking princess - Miss Olivia de Havilland

You know, giving everybody the "I'm an Important Actress" attitude

So Sammy he ask me to sit next to her at dinner, and what does she talk about all night?

Her goddamned yeast infection - all evening she's yammering about her vag..

You know who's still yammering about her vag this morning, today?...Olivia Fuckin' de Havilland

I'm Like Olivia De Havilland's Yeast Infection - I'm Still Here

So what happened, boys? Did she survive? Is she pushing up daisies?

I hope the poor thing didn't jet off to Florida to convalesce.

Of course I survived it, you dizzy fag R89. I’ve been chewed up and spit out by worse than the likes of Covid for decades.

Now I’m stuck at home patting my mound like all the rest of you lady boys. At least until governor fancy pants decides to reopen Broadway so I can get back to work.

Helen, is it true you've been cast in the all female version of 1776?

“....I’ve had it rough before, I’m a barracuda.”

Knees together, Miss Lawson! You know what happened last time!

[quote]Is that bitch still shaving?

Pics please.

Old timer thread.

Helen once told me that Neely was “fictional.”

In fact, Neely was a combination mainly of Garland and Betty Hutton, who shared Garland's drug problems. But a couple of other performers too.

Hutton co-starred in a Lawson Broadway musical and had her best number cut because she was bringing down the house nightly. Lawson went to the producers and threatened to leave the show if that situation wasn't corrected.

^ "When people come to a Helen Lawson musical, they want to see Helen Lawson."

Mary Martin took Lawson's side.

It was that Commie director Jerry Robbins who gave in to all of Martin's demands. He was desperate to resurrect his commercial career after all that nonsense with the HUAC committee. No matter who he sold out or at what price.

This Broadway shutdown has been intolerable, I must tell you. I’ve been reduced to waiting tables at diners again, kiddos!

By which I of course mean I’ve been hanging around in a booth at the Dew Drop Inn with a knob of margarine stuffed up my brown-eye, waiting for eligible ba$helors to come look me over and corral me into the john. Fresher than springtime and -3000% as fertile, I am!

Tell Lionel and Ted Casablanca that I’ve had my enema and am ready for my “closeup”.

May I suggest gargling with Jameson and cum?

This has been my favorite thread I agars.

You theater bitches did not disappoint.

And a might “HERE! HERE!”! To our sister Helen!

May she follow I miss DeHavellind’s footsteps 😱

BREAKING: Helen Lawson sadly passed away due to complications.

That's a lie, r103! I saw Helen not minutes ago at the bodega getting a carton of Camels and a small bottle of bourbon.

They drummed you outta the Chinese wet market, so ya come crawling back to Broadway.

Well, Broadway doesn't go for fever and respiratory failure.

Now get outta my way. I gotta a pangolin waitin' for me.

When Helen went in for the test she screamed at the doctor: "You want to stick what where? Damn, that's a new one on me, Doc!"

She was glad he used a Q-Tip and not one of those lousy ballpoints......

I shoulda known you'd know where to find the face masks AND THE HAND SANITIZER.

i really thought she’s real until i

Fictional Helen Lawson would be dead today because according to the book Valley of the Dolls -

"As the novel opens, in 1945, Helen Lawson is a revered musical-comedy star of the Broadway stage. Her age is never revealed; there are only vague hints, but she's supposed to have been born ca. 1900"

Helen would be long dead, cuz that feckless cunt didn't live to be 120 so

FUCK this disingenuous thread RIGHT IN IT'S PUCKERED LAWSON!

Some stars are ageless, r109.

[quote]She's old enough to remember the Spanish Flu.

It didn't kill me, toots! I gave it to lots of our boys!

R109 you must be new here