Things found in lesbian's apartments

Collections of essays by Roxane Gay

Sleeveless flannel shirts

Tension.

Lesbians.

A gigantic print of this photo

Red wine Cat/s Computer The specific tool for the specific purpose Air filter Dehumidifier Expensive barbecue grill

Phranc CDs.

Navajo prints.

Lingering passive aggressive resentment.

The dominant partner's hand-forged Katana that she jokingly swings over her girlfriend's head during gatherings to everyone's displeasure

Anne Murray 8-tracks.

Joan Jett record, crystal light, Prozac

An ex.

Comfortable shoes

Dust-covered engagement ring from Rosie O.

Double ended dildo in nightstand

Vegan barley soup cooking in a crockpot.

Vagina shaped couch pillows.

Freezer full of vodka.

A cane.

A great big pile of canes.

A dreamcatcher.

Four cats.

A pair of Birkenstock sandals sitting by a cane near the front door

Beta, VHS and DVD of Desert Hearts.

Nutloaf pans.

Outside the apartment is a Subaru Forester, with the insides covered in pet hair.

A giant glass-blown vulva made by a lesbian artist friend

A Georgia O’Keefe print

A double-headed black dildo in the top rack of the dishwasher

Knee braces with Velcro straps.

OP, did you mean lesbians in 1979? Because that's what most of these replies seem to indicate.

Lesbians in 1979 or lesbians now? What's the difference?

Fanny packs

NO. DAIRY.

My major contribution was the national geographic post. That was some witty 1985-1999-2000 relevant observational humor. Don't blame me.

Something that indicates that men are the enemy or are not welcome in the space

Tickets to the Ellen show.

An Ani DeFranco album

Designated spaces; “this is where you take off your shoes. That scary pile is where you place your coat.“

Books that paint lesbians as victims of.a patriarchal society

The entire collection of Melissa Etheridge CDs.

R34 Just the one?

Melissa Etheridge.

At least one well-worn Lilith Fair concert Tee, Burt's Bees Lip Balm, and Orajel.

A sturdy pair of boots

R2 sleeveless would be impractical. Especially into winter. Those flannels ain’t cheap!

An enormous poster that reads, " A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle".

Multiple pints of Haagen-Dazs ice cream Swiss vanilla almond and Dulce de leche primarily.

USWNT memorabilia.

Poster of Barbara Stanwyck

A HERstory calendar marking the great achievements of women in the past, especially those who didn’t get credit

A turkey baster and a book on getting pregnant

Have any of you been in a Lesbian's apartment within the last fifteen years? These comments are funny but very dated. Probably from your memory of visiting your mom after she left your dad and moved into her own place with her girlfriend...

This ain't Snapchat.

[post redacted because independent.co.uk thinks that links to their ridiculous rag are a bad thing. Somebody might want to tell them how the internet works. Or not. We don't really care. They do suck though. Our advice is that you should not click on the link and whatever you do, don't read their truly terrible articles.]

Paper towels. A microwave. Toothpaste. Chairs.

A good vibrations catalog

A U-Haul in the driveway

Unwashed sheets, mouldy towels and a musty odour

Absence of dog or cat hair is not a thing I associate with lesbians' aparmtents.

A vagina cape.

A cornucopia of multi-racial children with odd names.

Skid marks

Nut loaf

Poor taste

Established boundaries

A fundamental disrespect for fashion and/or taste

Constant cravings.

Separate beds.

Framed WOMADelaide poster.

Bitterness

Passive aggressive comments and behaviour

A dusty tennis racquet.

Clothes that no longer fit, nor were ever tasteful

A dog-eared paperback copy of "Rubyfruit Jungle."

I agree with r49. A majority of these posts are very dated and subsequently are not very funny. Culture is never static.

DVDS of every Katherine Hepburn movie ever made with an extra DVD of her television interviews.

Lots and lots of rules

An atmosphere with a palpable lack of any kind of levity or humor

A signed copy of The Feminine Mystique

A 'THAT'S

NOT

FUNNY' sign hanging up in the kitchen.

A bunch of L L Bean shopping bags....the lesbian Neiman Marcus

Yikes. My little abode has nothing like this. Not even a flannel, sleeveless or otherwise. I guess a taste in MCM, Shaker and minimalism is only for the guys?

I don't wear lipstick, so I'm not the ultra-fem 'lipstick' lez trope either. I do own a chainsaw, but that's because I use wood heat. I would never use an axe because I never had and I'm not about to start. I do have sturdy boots, but again, I have a chainsaw. You don't wear Vans to cut wood or even typically hike in them.

The only lesbian I know who drinks likes the really good stuff and I could never tell you the name of any of it (does this make me tasteless?). I do enjoy a glass when she brings a bottle for dinner. We do not serve nutloaf.

Either I'm a lesbian freak, or maybe I need a hormone check and I'm really a gay man trapped in a lesbian's body.

Strap On

Tongue scraper

Home Depot receipts drawer

Club Skirts Dinah Shore Weekend ticket stubs

Vegan Cookbooks

twelve or thirteen rescue dogs and cats in varying degrees of health, size and shape.

250000 pounds of organic dog and cat food for same.

Baseball caps. Lots and lots of baseball caps.

One thing you won't find... irony.

"A woman with a man is like a fish without a bicycle."

So true.

It smells of tuna and has nothing to ride.

Moose wood cookbooks and mason jars full of fermented vegetables. Photos of themselves hiking. Books ordered from amazon on holistic healing with fermented foods and a beginners guide to kimchi. Old furniture painted purple with stencils of cats.

Jennifer Aniston or Sandra Bullock.

Ugly acrylic self portraits and nudes.

My self portrait is in clay, bitch. That's ironic.

I’m sorry, sir, we don’t have a humor section.

Expensive vodka?!?!? In a LESBIAN's apartment????

Maybe an "uptown" lipstick wearing lesbian...average jane lesbian is drinking cheap shit. If she has expensive shit, she probably works in a bar and "brought" it home. Or, has an overextended credit card.

An entire set of every book written by Hillary Clinton....some are autographed.

And, many lesbians frequently have pit bulls now.

R90 I have never, ever met a lesbian that settles for cheap vodka.

well, all my lesbians are uptown lesbians so yeah but I've known cheap lesbians who are, well, CHEAP!

This is such an unfunny thread. I am going to close it.

R94 We'll alert the media!!!

Drama!

I'M GETTING THE U-HAUL!!!!

WE ARE OVUH!!!!

I'M PACKING UP THE CRYSTALS, THE NUT LOAF, THE TOPSHELF VODKA, THE HILLARY BOOKS (except for that last awful one she wrote with chelsea...), THE COMPLETE SET OF "THE LWORD", MY SOFTBALL GLOVE, "CHOMPERS" THE PITTIE AND MY DIGNITY, AND I'M OUT OF HERE!!!!"

I've read this thread through and I'm intrigued by the "dated" comments. And agree the old jokes have worn out from simple repetition.

And now I'm thinking: well, what ARE the things one would find in a lesbian's apartment in the year 2020? Truly.

Hoping our best DL sisterfriends will set us right with the correct info.

A restraining order barring the owner from getting within 200 ft of her ex.

Jennifer Love Hewitt CD's

Well, other than the nutloaf, I'd stand by my list up above for a lesbian in 2020 since I know lesbians who have all of those things in their homes.

Here’s some nouveau lezbeaux

Here’s are some young lesbians at play

Time to sing a new song!!!!!

Incense, scented oils, crystals

R91 Many lesbians ARE pit bulls now.

I stand by my 2020 fermented Pickles comments. I’m in a lot of lesbo apartments , cause I walk their dogs.

Sometimes stereotypes are true.

[quote] Have any of you been in a Lesbian's apartment within the last fifteen years? These comments are funny but very dated. Probably from your memory of visiting your mom after she left your dad and moved into her own place with her girlfriend...

This just goes to show the one thing you WON'T find in a lesbian's apartment is a sense of humor about herself.

Sounds like none of you have met any lesbians in the 21st century who don't live in cities. The lesbians I know are living on acres of property, raising goats, and learning to permaculture their land.

So enlighten us, R109, whilst staying on topic.

Mini Cooper's parked out back.

An extremely large silicone hand used for extended sessions of finger banging.

A stockpile of Hidden Valley Ranch dressing.

Landscaping equipment

R113

Clutter: sports trophies, pet/animal paraphernalia, cheap candles, work boots, well-worn camping gear and outdoor wear littered throughout

A prominent yet seldom-used home-office setup featuring a large, unattractive, chair and dated office equipment like inkjet painters, fax machines and mouse pads

A u-haul punchcard. Tenth haul free!

You won't find an Epilady.

A Big Penis Dreamcatcher

Cat hair on everything

A copy of "Rubyfruit Jungle," which everyone pretends to have read.

Textiles made by Aboriginal women

A Michfest scrapbook.

Boundaries.

The Moosewood Cookbook

Old issues of Ms and Rosie magazine

The L Word on VHS

Amy for America stickers

Pit bulls

Custom-made pool cues in a carrying case.

The complete works of Germaine Greer

Framed ticket stubs from Lilith Fair

Staffies!

Group photos from an Olivia Cruise

Lentils.

Other lesbians.

Are we talking power lesbians or granola lesbians?

Seething.

Empty beer cans littered around

Tired, worn furniture damaged by pets that are too large to be living in an apartment

Not a sense of humor anyway.

R98 KJ, I would say that a large flaw in the argument is in the very premise.

See, most Millennials & Zoomer girls can’t afford their own apartments much less homes and therefore often either elect to join communes on homesteads and the like (as R109 points out) or they end up renting a room in shared housing or living back with their families. As for those that do own their own little place (thanks to trust funds or social media careers or dumb luck or what have you), they tend to keep to themselves more than their lesbian foremothers and perhaps even tone down the obvious lesbian décor for fear of attracting negative attention from neighbors or straight friends. It’s all about fitting in and trying to survive in these trying times - not fair or right, perhaps, but sadly increasingly necessary. It’s getting like Lord of the Rings out here for true-blue lesbians. R137 also raises a good questions that there are different minority subcultures under the lesbian umbrella that will have totally disparate living conditions.

That said and on a lighter note, some of the above replies are right on the money at least for the everyday average middling-income lesbian - to the point that I wonder if you’ve all been snooping on me via WebKit. In my room (rented for cheap from relatives who took pity on me) you will indeed find incense and cheap candles aplenty (on an altar, but I’m a Pagan so that’s a given), Crystal chunks (Rose quartz & amethyst, baby!), perfume oil bottles, worn out walking boots, ethnic textiles on the floor and bed, empty jars (that used to contain organic local honey, not pickles), signed copies of old gay-interest books, old records & CDs & DVD boxsets (no idea why I hang on to them but I guess they’re about to come into their own), hats (pageboy & cloche if you please - no baseball caps, though I’m sure R82 looks cute & hot in them).

I think this thread is a little weird, lame and inaccurate but not mean-spirited. We could really use more younger women around here who are actually Kinsey 5 & 6, and identify and behave as such....

Glancing around I can even add new items to the list: tarot cards, spent lighters (for the altar, I don’t smoke or vape), essential oil droppers, vitamin tablets, half-full notebooks & vintage comics, many chargers for my phone & laptop & portable speakers, a wood bristle hairbrush, natural material sculptures bought at the organic craft fair, heat-pads (for the time of the month), clothes in a hamper or hung up on the door including ill-fitting outdated thrift stuff & flannel shirts (but still with sleeves), and a bottle of Argan oil (for my hair) & almond oil (for massage/masturbation only). I make sure to regularly wash my sheets, pillowcases & towels using bio-detergent and white vinegar; I’m told my room always smells like that mixed with scents of herbal teas & sandalwood & rosewater plus accords of fresh air and wet Labrador...so there’s that. There’s even a mascara & pink lipstick on my second-hand unfinished wood nightstand; only used when I go to work meetings or out socially, but still.

My straight Aunt kindly lets me keep cookbooks & thing like mason jars of lentils & ginger wine in her kitchen. And I wouldn’t dream of hanging up self-portraits & nudes or keeping a full box of sextoys here, given that I’m not a narcissist and this is the home of my older family members...

For the record I highly dislike playing sports, gardening (though I want to give it another shot so I can grow my own herbs for tea), camping & BBQ, drinking vodka and eating fermented foods (give me whiskey and soup), using credit cards or buying from evil corporations like Amazon & Google, cats (canine-loving Lesbians ride-or-die), and boring or sociopathic female celebrities the media masturbates over like Jennifer Aniston & Sandy B & Ellen & Hilary Clinton.

My Datalounge Uncles wisely taught me that it’s tasteless to hang up quotation prints & signs inside the house, and one should opt instead for original artwork and photos only. I don’t like stringent house-rules beyond those for cleanliness & courtesy, and I don’t drive at all let alone an SUV or truck (it’s killing the planet...) Ice-cream makes me fat and miserable so I don’t eat it, plus I’m freaked by the whole abusive dairy industry thing. I burn my receipts for security reasons. My fauxhemian straight sister appreciates Dreamcatchers way more than I do. As far as I’m concerned blown-glass knickknacks are for my mother and National Geographic is for my father, I don’t enjoy either. I’ve never picked up Rubyfuit Jungle, worn sandals or used/taken a strap-on.

I’m about to say the most lesbian thing I’ve ever said, R40; that they changed the recipe of Burt’s Bees to include soy & canola oil to increase profit margins, so fuck them with a rusty spanner.

Context; I was only a toddler around the time Lilith Fair started.

Stress balls used to relieve carpal tunnel syndrome brought on by writing extremely lengthy essays.

Wallet chains and the Flowbee haircut system.

2-in 1 shampoo/conditioner

R146

I....like....Pert Plus.

Whenever a post about taste, clothing, grooming appears on this board, I get the vibe that the people who respond are facsimiles of employees who work at SNL's Jeffrey's.

A case of Irish Spring bar soap

Fishing poles and golf clubS for hanging out with Dad or friends. They like masculine sports. An artsy decorative piece that their male gay friend gave them (me). A power washer if there’s a garage, and why wouldn’t there be? A dusty fake plant in a lonely corner and a TV in almost every room. Based on my sister and her wife.

I like how these dumbshit frauen think they can ‘educate’ us about dykes. Repeat after me stinkfish, this is a GAY MAN’S SPACE and YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE. We have nothing in common with you and despise you behind your backs and if necessary to your face. Now fuck off back to your potluck shitparties.

A forgotten sloppy, post-coital dildo stuck to the floor next to the bed. It has been there for weeks and now has dust bunnies stuck to it. It will probably leave a permanent mark on the floor.

Hanes underwear. Size L or XL

R143 I love you and your attention to detail.

R150 I've been posting here forever and on the DL there is no need to be rude, and yet there is every need to be rude, and your post falls on the bad side of that line.

Always our Lesbyterian sisters and simpatico str8 TRUE allies (you know who you are) who appreciate the polesmoking point of view are welcome here.

Squirrels.

Death.

R153 Who said lesbians don't belong here? No one. They know exactly what the Kinsey 0-1 agitators are here for.

A dirty softball uniform and a bag of sunflower seeds

Re R109: I know some ladies who are out in the country and have started a goat farm. What are they doing with them? Cheese? I'm trying not to seem nosy by asking them.

Macrame

None of the style and fun found in a gay man’s apartment!

Gay male porn. Julianne Moore and Annette Bening got off to that in "The Kids are All Right," so it must be common for lesbians to have.

Gay male porn. Julianne Moore and Annette Bening got off to that in "The Kids are All Right," so it must be common for lesbians to have.

R143, try Lip Trip instead of Burt’s Bees. It’s mostly beeswax and very effective. Stays on forever.

Lesbian bed death.

St Vinent and Dua Lipa on repeat.

Photos of Cara Delevingne.

Everywhere.

Girls waiting, with bated breath, for Kendall Jenner's coming out!!!

Come on...

She has a PUSSY white-tattoo inside her mouth.

Real lesbians... butch, fat, humorless, sex-hating... not straight women pretending to be lesbians please.

Siding with Amber Head.

Wishing being able to be her girlfriend.

A more modern one for the under-sixties: EDM festival memorabilia. Young lesbians love drugs and camping in the mud.

Teegan and Sarah albums and books.

Self-righteousness and a permeating cloud of victimhood.

In 2015.

Three lesbian couples.

Chips on shoulders

A framed diploma (Gender Studies most likely)

Hair-dye in a wild col-ah! Like blue, green, pink. But never for their natural hair color which must just go grey to spite the patriarchy.

R166

This is Gen Z.

Mouth moving at 10 words/second and not saying anything.

R167 Prescription testosterone and chest binders since they mostly identify as men now. Bonus photos of Bradley Manning in drag on a since he's their anti-authoritarian gender hero.

I'd add puka shell necklaces, hydro flasks decorated with queer symbols, and metal reusable straws since VSCO girls are basically ripping off lesbian culture.

[quote]since VSCO girls are basically ripping off lesbian culture.

Have they begun walking with canes yet?

R176 Time will tell, they're damaging their joints as we speak.

A hatred of men and masculinity yet an ironic desire to mimic the worst aspects of them

Dust.

But oddly the apartment itself is absolutely clean!

Men’s deodorant and keys to one of these cars

I'm Kathy Belge, author of R180's article.

As a dashing butch, I have something to say about what's in a lesbo's pad.

Hip waders Inedible vegan casserole GQ magazine Men's Warehouse catalog Tee shirts sized 3X Old Spice cologne A bedroom where the magic DOESN'T happen weightlifting belt Gander Outdoors gift cards "I'm With Her" boxer shorts Andrea Dworkin portrait

Hey all my gay bros, if you need styling tips, drop this handsome butch a dm.

I’m a mannish quality.

Gin and regrets.

Not sure what's wrong with high-quality vacuum cleaners and premium vodkas.

Audible silence between two women who now hate each other—but ironically it gives them both a sense of purpose neither can let go of.

R184 I'll add "refusal to accept a compliment/positive stereotype" to the list

I love lesbians! Byaaaaaaaah!

A Goop candle

Chipped and mismatched glassware

Six to twelve rescue animals in varying stages of illness, bags and bags and bags of specialty pet food, men’s underwear (that they wear), every iteration of Joni Mitchell’s greatest hits boxed sets, and tofu.

Vodka, nutloaf and tears