Speaking for the damned...
|by ImASinnerAndILikeItThatWay||reply 13||01/11/2021|
I knew Sebastian Young (albeit briefly) and I wanted to share that he wasn't the monster which a lot of the condemnatory cunts here have made him out to be - both before and after his death. He was very sweet despite having been fucked over by virtually everyone in his life at some point, his family, his loved ones, the porn industry, drug pushers and the law. The justice system and the prison system failed him too. But yes, he was a bad guy. He freely admitted the truth about his life and many things he wasn't proud of, although until the day he died he would have told you he wasn't guilty of those charges he took a plea on. This bad guy also admitted he could not handle the way he was treated when he was locked up, and how he knew he had to expediate his time in prison somehow or he wouldn't survive the ordeal. Josh lived in fear of going back there, and whenever the cops pulled him over (which was often) that's where he always thought he was headed. Especially after the terrible events of 2016. He was probably right in thinking that that's exactly where they wanted him. I was with Sebastian a few weeks before his death when the police stopped him on another occasion. They were just doing their job but he was terrified due to his history with the law. If I hadn't been with him, I honestly think he would have taken off like he did on the day he died. There was no gun that night, just an out-of-date registration that meant he shouldn't have been driving. We had gone to pick up a friend of his who had been stranded downtown and needed a ride home. Good guy/bad guy? I watched the officer question him and his reactions and listened to his answers, they were guilty sounding despite not having done anything wrong. I smiled at the officer from behind him and eventually he gave us a break. After we pulled away for a long time Sebastian couldn't relax. I said to him at one point "calm down" and he looked at me with the most pained expression and said "I can't." Now when I think about that moment it is even more heartbreaking.
|by ImASinnerAndILikeItThatWay||reply 1||03/22/2020|
Sebastian (or Josh as I called him) did not usually carry a gun. He carried a little knife - for protection he said - which he would sometimes take out and flick open for effect. That night when he got out of his car to grab a few things from his apartment (and that's another thing, he wasn't a transient as described in the news reports, he definitely had a place to live!) Josh handed me his pocket knife to protect myself while he was gone. I remember I said to him "If anything happened, I'd just call the police" To which he replied "you better not" and grinned. Good guy/Bad guy? It depends on your perception I suppose. We didn't talk a lot about his ex-wife but there was a lot of animosity there, the kind that only comes from love. Sexually Josh was definitely attracted to women, but he was a natural flirt and enjoyed the affection of his gay friends too. He would do things like hold your hand when he was excited, or rub your shoulder. Tactile is a good word for it I suppose, and he also gave freely of himself to those around him. Unless you pissed him off of course. He definitely had a temper, and a level of aggression borne from coming up rough as well as his time spent behind bars. Underneath it all I feel that he was lonely (mostly because he told me so), and also incredibly hurt by the circumstances he had found himself in over the last few years. Josh didn't spend much time blaming people besides himself, but he did tell anyone who would listen how much he wished he could fix the past. And he was honest to a fault about it all, Josh pulled no punches literally or figuratively. He owned all of his fuck up's (his drug habits, the failed state of his marriage, the violence and misdeeds of his youth) but he still carried his head high somehow... although you could tell that was getting harder and harder for him to do. On the subject of porn Josh had good and bad memories. Working for a certain director (in what would be one of his last shoots) he describes the guy and his crew as "snakes", describing how he thought he was drugged in order to get him to better perform. His favorite porn scene? It was with fellow "bad boy" Jarec Wentworth who he bottomed for in 2014. He said it "hurt like hell" but that Jarec was the co-star he liked the best. He was sympathetic to what happened to Jarec too, but said what he had done was stupid. I asked if they were in contact and he told me that they weren't. "Jarec is out in California. After what he did the studios probably won't touch him either. I haven't seen him in a long time."
|by ImASinnerAndILikeItThatWay||reply 2||03/22/2020|
There's a lot more conjecture to what has been posted here but I can't go on forever like some of the negative nancies on DL. People said Josh was out of shape and looked bloated after prison. That may have been true but he was also working hard at getting back in shape, and before he died he was looking amazing. He had shaved off the beard and was jogging and working out, there wasn't an ounce of bloat on him. If the studios had been paying attention they would have seen he was still in his prime and that he could fuck as hard as ever. I'm nearly four years older than him and soon after meeting he inspected my face and told me "shit, you look younger than I do." I looked closely back at him and despite the crows feet by his eyes and creases around his mouth he looked just as handsome as when I'd first seen him in porn years before that. He was flattering me of course, but he worried about his looks too - probably in part thanks to some of the harsh online comments that far uglier critics post in reference to him these days. Drugs, DUI, burglary, traffic offences, assault and battery charges are pretty standard territory for a self-confessed bad guy. Child abuse and spousal abuse are also scarily common claims during marital disputes (and messy divorces) and are not always proven to be factual. The porn-stars-are-the-victims-of-abuse-and-therefore-destined-to-become-porn-stars/abusers is a despicable analogy to make about anyone and those who have made it about him should be ashamed of themselves. Josh saw himself as a sinner, but didn't want to commit any further sins. A few days before he died, he messaged me saying he was going to end it all. We talked and he reassured me he had changed his mind. Later he messaged me again. "Fyi your words probably saved me. Thank you. I've just had a hard time since I've been out and I will continue to push forward and strive for greatness." Sadly, I think he meant it too, but fate had other plans for him. Or did they? Was this suicide by cop? I will never know and neither will any of you. The reports say he exited the vehicle and began shooting at officers. That he was driving erratically and disrupting traffic. Yet somehow nobody else got hurt. Bad guy, bad ending? If you say so. But for me Josh's death is the result of a lifetime spent being hurt by others, and the fear of events he could not control overwhelming him again. He was lost and trying desperately to hold on, making connections but never expecting much from anyone because generally his expectations from life were low. He was giving of his time to his loyal fans until the end, and expressed to me the comfort they had provided. His one constant in a life full of turmoil. But I sensed how anxious he was to make sure that even these people saw him as human, fallible, and yes, a bad guy. Keeping our expectations low like his had always been. And I witnessed how eager he was to communicate, to explain his story, and to open himself up to people still, despite all the old hurts and all the judgement and the condemnation and the hate. He still had enough pride not to beg anyone to listen, or try to insert himself into lives or situations where he wasn't wanted anymore - but he wasn't living his life in shame. Especially not for the things he was accused of that he did not do. He wasn't living in fear, either. It just sometimes engulfed him like the jaws of a lion and he could not escape it because the world had taught him in a thousand ways that he could not. The inevitable trouble would always catch up to him. And I believe that his belief in that is what really killed Josh, or Sebastian Young if you like, in the end. Good Guy? Bad Guy? Look in the mirror long and hard before you speak on it. Josh told me he had some creep internet stalker who had gone above and beyond to ruin his reputation. I may be speaking for the damned, or I may be ruining that person/s day by telling some truth here - which I hope is the case to be honest. I'll miss him either way. R.I.P. Joshua Christopher Noles 09/22/1982 - 03/11/2020 ♡
|by ImASinnerAndILikeItThatWay||reply 3||03/22/2020|
I appreciate what you wrote, to at least be a voice for someone who no longer has one. I've read about all the charges, and was horrified by what I read, of course, but also read that he had been a victim of abuse himself.
|by ImASinnerAndILikeItThatWay||reply 4||03/22/2020|
The horrifying stuff he never did you mean? Since he never did it I don't see how him suffering abuse as a child is relevant... Those charges were dropped. The trumped up charges he took a plea on were NOT related.
I wanted people who are talking shit to think about what they are doing. Leaving nothing but unkind words behind on the internet about a guy they didn't know. There are people who may read this in the future. Important people to him. I wanted to get it right for them.
|by ImASinnerAndILikeItThatWay||reply 5||03/23/2020|
Thanks to the people who voted honestly. I was hoping this post would make more of a mark here on DL but I suppose this is the response you get when you directly confront keyboard warriors with the truth.
|by ImASinnerAndILikeItThatWay||reply 6||03/25/2020|
[Quote] for me Josh's death is the result of a lifetime spent being hurt by others, and the fear of events he could not control overwhelming him again.
Was he hurt by every person at the police station who took his mugshot? That's a lot of people...
|by ImASinnerAndILikeItThatWay||reply 7||03/25/2020|
A thread thirsting/defending a guy accused raped his 5 year old daughter. A new low for DL.
|by ImASinnerAndILikeItThatWay||reply 8||03/25/2020|
Interesting how you toss the word 'accused' in there but conveniently leave out the word 'falsely'. I'm not concerned with appearing thirsty by DL standards, you're entire statement is laughable when you come prefacing it with vulgar, repetitious, triggered comments like that. Shows what a hater you are and that's about it. Bet you wish you could vote some more now.
|by ImASinnerAndILikeItThatWay||reply 9||03/26/2020|
Bad guy. Period.
Oldster Jess lusting after a straight man who was using him for $$. Sad.
|by ImASinnerAndILikeItThatWay||reply 10||01/11/2021|
I just read a few lines of her defense, in those few lines she reference several criminal activities he was engaged in. You don't get screwed over by drug dealers if you aren't doing drugs, he was driving a vehicle without the proper registration, it is a pretty safe bet you don't have insurance in which case you have no business driving. Some of us get good breaks in life, some of us get bad breaks in life. You have to play the cards you are dealt. He was blessed with pretty decent looks which gives you advantages but he clearly made bad choices, he was the only person responsible for how his life turned out.
|by ImASinnerAndILikeItThatWay||reply 11||01/11/2021|
R2 R5 Con women are really the most pathetic creatures on the planet. Your "good guy" was human excrement. You ate shit with a smile. Get help Jess.
|by ImASinnerAndILikeItThatWay||reply 12||01/11/2021|
R12, as Jess huffed, "Josh" ("as I called him") was "falsely accused!"
How much money did Jess throw at "Josh" in vain hopes that the handholding and shoulder rubs would turn into mansex? Thousands, for sure.
|by ImASinnerAndILikeItThatWay||reply 13||01/11/2021|